littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

[littlebird]

58 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

I know it may be difficult to fit in more dosages in you daily med scheme.

But spreading the 75mg over more daily dosages will give an effect more like SR.

 

Oof, I know you're right, and also I do not know where I'd put it in the day. Taking 200mg of Gabapentin at a time gave me bad stomachaches, so I couldn't double up there, and everything else interacts. Really questioning the knowledge of the doctors who did this. 

 

So tempted to aim to get back on the 100mg dose of SR just to ease up my schedule a bit, but I don't know if that's a smart move when I already found my way off of that dose (albeit poorly and way too fast). Thanks again for catching that mistake of mine! I was sinking like a stone on 50mg a day.

[littlebird]

4 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Sometimes, I envision self-doubt like a snow ball going down a mountain and growing larger and larger as it rolls where it can start as something small but grow, quickly. 

 

I like this image!! Next time that starts, I'll try to catch it before it gets out of hand and grows too large and overwhelming.

 

4 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

I hope that you can be compassionate with yourself when feelings of self-doubt arise.

 

It's an ongoing process!! Still not 100% encouraging and compassionate to myself, but so much better than I used to be. Sometimes I try to shift gears and talk to myself like I'd talk to a friend in the same situation, so in this case I guess that would sound like, "Babe, it's no big deal, you're just spinning out. Breathe and re-center."

[littlebird]

Messed up schedule again! Not too badly, but looked at the clock and realized I was 40 minutes late for evening Wellbutrin. I got really emotional after taking it and had a rare cry, which was probably very needed.

 

This schedule is really not working out so well for me, so many pills and fragments a day! Wishing I could make my own SR at a lower dosage than 100mg. How does a simple coating make it last all day?

 

Found this: "In some slow-release formulations, the drug dissolves into the matrix, and the matrix physically swells to form a gel, allowing the drug to exit through the gel's outer surface." Makes sense. Is there a away to make my own coatings? Everything I've found when I search is about drugs like mescaline.

[littlebird]

My partner said, “You’ve been spending a lot of time on SA. You can’t save everyone you know.” Given my history of martyrdom, and how much I've donated my time to others in the past, this assumption that I'm volunteering makes sense. Had a gentle talk about how I’m trying to save myself here, and this site has helped me in a really tough time.

 

It’s kinda cute they thought I was volunteering up in here, but far from it! If anything I’m giving more work to the people who are. Made me think maybe I’m putting up too much of a tough front with them, if we're on such different pages. Opened up and had a cry about how I feel trapped by these drugs, and every attempt to get out of the trap makes me go crazy for a little while. 

 

I’m pissed and grieving that I was put on them in the first place, then told my whole life I have a chemical imbalance and will need ‘em forever, then cocktailed to hell with interacting drugs and not a single doctor knew better. I’m trapped in these meds, it may take me years to get off, if I manage to get off at all.

 

Trying to reconnect to hope is really hard some days, and it's helped to find success stories. Plus, no one else I know has gone through this process, and it's been great to be able to talk to folks who get the special hell of the psych med trap. 

 

My partner was really sweet, and told me they're proud of how hard I've been working on figuring out meds. Glad we had that talk!

[Thorin]

2 minutes ago, littlebird said:

My partner said, “You’ve been spending a lot of time on SA. You can’t save everyone you know.” Given my history of martyrdom, and how much I've donated my time to others in the past, this assumption that I'm volunteering makes sense. Had a gentle talk about how I’m trying to save myself here, and this site has helped me in a really tough time.

 

It’s kinda cute they thought I was volunteering up in here, but far from it! If anything I’m giving more work to the people who are. Made me think maybe I’m putting up too much of a tough front with them, if we're on such different pages. Opened up and had a cry about how I feel trapped by these drugs, and every attempt to get out of the trap makes me go crazy for a little while. 

 

I’m pissed and grieving that I was put on them in the first place, then told my whole life I have a chemical imbalance and will need ‘em forever, then cocktailed to hell with interacting drugs and not a single doctor knew better. I’m trapped in these meds, it may take me years to get off, if I manage to get off at all.

 

Trying to reconnect to hope is really hard some days, and it's helped to find success stories. Plus, no one else I know has gone through this process, and it's been great to be able to talk to folks who get the special hell of the psych med trap. 

 

My partner was really sweet, and told me they're proud of how hard I've been working on figuring out meds. Glad we had that talk!

Your partner sounds pretty good. I’m glad 😀 

[littlebird]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Your partner sounds pretty good. I’m glad 😀 

 

They're such a blessing! I'm grateful every day, but I thought it might get a little old to list them on my gratitude list every day. 😄

[littlebird]

Log

Sleep: Moved white noise machine under the bed, and it seemed to work! No slamming doors this morning waking us up. Thank goodness. Didn’t sleep as long as I wanted to, but slept well for the hours I got!

 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

12:15pm - Is this a window???? I’ll take it!

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

4:45pm - dizzy

5:30pm - Edgy and nervous on walk

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8:40pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

10:40pm - 25mg Pristiq

Bedtime 100mg Seroquel gonna be 12:40pm with schedule screw-up! 😖

 

I’m thinking I had too much caffeinated tea this morning, not good for anxiety! Gonna switch to herbal tea early today.

 

A neighbor shared audio of my mugging from their doorbell cam, which I know I probably shouldn’t have listened to. You can hear him swearing at me when I started fighting back, which wasn’t great to hear. I didn’t even know I yelled, “OW!” when he punched me, which surprisingly made me crack up laughing to hear on the recording. Well, yeah, ow!

 

I’m thinking listening to that recording was mildly emotional self-harm, yet I could not resist clicking on it. Oops! Curiosity got me. I won't listen again.

 

Gratitude

This morning, our neighborhood Mockingbird put on quite a show! Flew from house to house and tree to tree, staking out his territory and singing away. There was a hawk cry in the mix, though without the oomph a hawk gives it, and even what sounded like children playing in the local school’s playground. Quite a songlist, that Mockingbird!

 

A new client had amazing feedback that is so helpful with things I’m working on! 

 

I have some strong goals, giving myself a deadline at the end of day to get them in action. Feels good to be motivated!

 

Had a moment of, “Oh wow, I think this is a window!!” It’s been waves for weeks, happy to see the sun peeking through.

 

Clocked out and took a break this afternoon! Proud of myself for taking time off and listening to my brain and body.

 

Pushed myself to go on the dog walk even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, then saw lots of pretty flowers and talked to some neighbors for a while. Glad I went on the walk!

 

The plum trees are in bloom, shedding pink petals all over our neighborhood. Nobody usually picks the plums, so we tend to scrump 'em in the summer and make jam. Something to look forward to!

 

A neighbor painted wildflowers on their garage door, it made me smile to see them.

 

I've been taking time to read, which is a great way to wind down at the end of the night. I used to read like a fiend, I think my inner child has been missing it.

[j1290]

23 minutes ago, littlebird said:

You can’t save everyone you know.” Given my history of martyrdom, and how much I've donated my time to others in the past, this assumption that I'm volunteering makes sense.

Oh yeah, this hits home for me as well.  Really glad you mentioned this.  I had been told by therapists I was trying to save my ex to make up for not being able to save my mom and dad.  It just sunk in a little more that I had been doing the same thing to friends, workplaces, other situations, whether they wanted or needed saving or not LMAO.  But I digress.   

 

26 minutes ago, littlebird said:

It’s kinda cute they thought I was volunteering up in here, but far from it! If anything I’m giving more work to the people who are. Made me think maybe I’m putting up too much of a tough front with them, if we're on such different pages.

This is so beautifully perceptive and emotionally intelligent I'm going to take a moment just to savor the thought.  I'm really moved.   

 

I think discussing tapering with normies is hard to do beyond soundbites, but that's usually sufficed in my situation.  Finding support for tapering has been pretty slim in my world, and I can appreciate why.  

37 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I feel trapped by these drugs, and every attempt to get out of the trap makes me go crazy for a little while. 

Perfectly said.  I like to call it going down a mountain because that sounds pretty but in my darker moments I feel like I'm in AD prison.   I try to share as little of that crazy with the outside world as I can, for lots of reasons.  I wonder if there's a thread on discussing tapering with friends/family/work.   There probably is and I never looked.  

 

41 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I’m pissed and grieving that I was put on them in the first place, then told my whole life I have a chemical imbalance and will need ‘em forever, then cocktailed to hell with interacting drugs and not a single doctor knew better. I’m trapped in these meds, it may take me years to get off, if I manage to get off at all.

I have to consciously avoid going down this road outside of therapy.  There's monsters down there, it's not safe to go alone.  I might have even done EMDR on it, come think of it, which might explain why I'm less triggered.   The ***** of it is everything you said is 100% true and valid.   Some days I come to terms with it better than others.   

44 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Trying to reconnect to hope is really hard some days, and it's helped to find success stories. Plus, no one else I know has gone through this process, and it's been great to be able to talk to folks who get the special hell of the psych med trap.

Outside of Dr. Shipko no professional out of I'd guess at least half a dozen had a clue about tapering, or frankly really supported me in getting off of them, and I appreciate that they have valid reasons for that.  Glad I stuck to doing what I felt was in my own best interest.  

 

You said it, getting off these is a special hell.   I don't think anybody can understand it except for fellow travellers.   I think I'd be much more stressed out without the present company.   

 

57 minutes ago, littlebird said:

My partner was really sweet, and told me they're proud of how hard I've been working on figuring out meds. Glad we had that talk!

Awesome!

[littlebird]

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

to make up for not being able to save my mom and dad.  It just sunk in a little more that I had been doing the same thing to friends, workplaces, other situations, whether they wanted or needed saving or not LMAO.

 

😮 HMMM... you just had me think through a good number of situations. Patterns! I'm gonna have to give this one a big think. Unlocks all sorts of other questions, like why has it been so hard to apply that saving to myself? 

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Perfectly said.  I like to call it going down a mountain because that sounds pretty but in my darker moments I feel like I'm in AD prison.

 

Tonight it felt like one with electric bars! Any wrong move and I'm zapped. Going down a mountain makes me think of hiking, which is way more fun to think about. Even if I slid down too fast and almost went off a cliff, I didn't fall off, and I made my way back up to a safer route. To getting down the mountain! Grateful for the company on the climb.

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I have to consciously avoid going down this road outside of therapy.  There's monsters down there, it's not safe to go alone.

 

Excuse me while I hammer in a Here Be Dragons sign on this road of thought!

 

9 minutes ago, j1290 said:

You said it, getting off these is a special hell.   I don't think anybody can understand it except for fellow travellers.   I think I'd be much more stressed out without the present company.   

 

So very true! Gosh, I don't even like to think how I'd be doing without y'all. This has been a lifeline, and is also keeping me on track. Can't thank you enough for your kindness and support! Feeling so much more hopeful than I did when I sat down to my computer. Putting my proverbial pack back on and continuing down the slopes!

[Fifree]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Even if I slid down too fast and almost went off a cliff, I didn't fall off, and I made my way back up to a safer route.

And sometimes you fall right on your bum too. But you get up, dust yourself off and keep going. 

[Go2zero]

10 hours ago, littlebird said:

So tempted to aim to get back on the 100mg dose of SR just to ease up my schedule a bit

Going up and down with these meds is not a wise thing. You went down from 100 to 50. Then up to 75 to stabilise.

Going up to 100mg is not a guarantee that the SR will give the same effect then as before. Going back to 100 might even make things worse, or it may take an extreme long time to stabilise then. 

 

This is what we see more often when people go up and down with these meds.

 

Maybe you can work out a way to spread the Wellbutrin more even over the day.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2023 by Go2zero

[littlebird]

7 hours ago, Go2zero said:

Going up to 100mg is not a guarantee that the SR will give the same effect then as before. Going back to 100 might even make things worse, or it may take an extreme long time to stabilise then. 

 

This is really good to know! Shoot. In between a rock and a hard place with that 50% taper I took myself on! Wishing I'd stayed working on Pristiq instead. Ah well, if wishes were horses, we'd all be riding.

[littlebird]

7 hours ago, Go2zero said:

Maybe you can work out a way to spread the Wellbutrin more even over the day.

 

Looking at my schedule, trying to figure this out. Alto warned me against taking Wellbutrin and Gabapentin together, which is too bad because that would be a good solution to get one more Wellbutrin dose in a day.

 

Also, not sure how I going to do this on my wedding day and the busy days leading up to it, all these doses. Carry a bag that has my scale and leave every few hours to take fragments? I better figure something out. Damn my 50% taper to the hell it put me in!

[Go2zero]

57 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Carry a bag that has my scale and leave every few hours to take fragments?

I always cut my little pieces for 9 days ahead. Wrap each piece in a small piece of paper. Keep them in a pill container. And every morning I put my daily pieces in a separate pill container. That helps me to see if I have taken them. Otherwise I might get confused and forget one or take it twice.

 

Just a thought how I handle these things. It always helps to be creative when tapering 😅

[littlebird]

Just now, Go2zero said:

I always cut my little pieces for 9 days ahead. Wrap each piece in a small piece of paper. Keep them in a pill container. And every morning I put my daily pieces in a separate pill container. That helps me to see if I have taken them. Otherwise I might get confused and forget one or take it twice.

 

Just a thought how I handle these things. It always helps to be creative when tapering 😅

 

This is a great thought!! The papers are a good idea, I was wondering if I should find a container with lots of little spots but those get large and I need travel-sized.

 

Might have to recruit someone responsible to help me with timers and meds on wedding day too. Don't love asking for help, but also I know I'm going to be distracted and not keeping an eye on the clock that day. 

 

I'm so afraid I'm going to forget my meds in the stress of packing and leaving for this, gonna have to quadruple check that I've got everything. Checklists are going to come into play! Okay, I can do this. It's not ideal, but it's possible!

[littlebird]

Visited the spot where we had our DIY local wedding this weekend, and found myself thinking how numb I felt at times on that day. I was very happy, yet it felt like there was a level of happiness I was walled off from or too numb to feel. 

 

Scrolled back to where I was in this journey med-wise at that time last year, and I was still taking Wellbutrin and Gabapentin at the same time. Pristiq was affecting me completely differently too, that changed a lot when I switched to Wellbutrin IR.

 

Also, I disappeared for the whole month! Our local wedding was 100% DIY, and lord that was a crazy time. I'm proud of myself in hindsight for pulling all that together while poly-drugged and working full time. 

 

Hoping and praying I feel more present and in touch with my feelings for family wedding! Well, actually since family will be at this one, maybe being too in touch with feelings might not be the move.

 

Gonna have to just let go and see what happens. Countdown sliding down fast! It's early May. Hoping I can get myself in decent shape med-wise by then.

[j1290]

39 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Might have to recruit someone responsible to help me with timers and meds on wedding day too.

Sounds like a great plan, and gives someone a way to help.  I'd be happy if someone asked me to be a pill wrangler on their wedding day.  Love it!

[littlebird]

9 minutes ago, j1290 said:

53 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Might have to recruit someone responsible to help me with timers and meds on wedding day too.

Sounds like a great plan, and gives someone a way to help.  I'd be happy if someone asked me to be a pill wrangler on their wedding day.  Love it!

 

Dude, you'd be so good at that! Bet you'd have a checklist and pen in your suit pocket and everything. I think this is gonna be the way, getting some responsible help day of. Running through the guest list in my head, thinking of who is most likely to be on top of it while also being discreet when it's pill time. 

[j1290]

31 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Dude, you'd be so good at that! Bet you'd have a checklist and pen in your suit pocket and everything.

Exactly what I'd do!  I'd be handing you a Crown Royal bag with a wink and a nod every hour.  People would be like WTF?!?🤣

[littlebird]

42 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'd be handing you a Crown Royal bag with a wink and a nod every hour.  People would be like WTF?!?🤣

 

I can't think of any way of doing this that doesn't look like I'm fueling a drug habit. I mean, I guess I am, but not the recreational kind! The folded slips of paper with fragments both sounds good and also make it look like street drugs.

 

I'm still figuring out what to do around taking these when I'm around other people. To hide it or just pop a pill in public? I'm overthinking this today. Ah well, it's a goal to care less what people think.

[littlebird]

I slept on my neck weird and have had a helluva headache all day. It's like being hungover without the fun of a night of drinking.

 

Working is hard, and I'm thinking about yet another half day. I have so much guilt about that that I want to do dishes or be useful in some way if I take time off work. This made me think about how when I was a little kid, I was home alone when I was sick, with a chore list on the counter, and hell to pay if I didn't drag myself around the house doing them all by the time my parents came home. 

 

In hindsight, not cool! If I was sick enough to stay home from school, at the very least I should have been able to nap and rest (and watch VHS tapes all day if I wanted to). That's bare minimum, we could also argue that a tiny grade school child should have had an adult to heat up their soup and not be left home alone at that age, but hey.

 

No wonder I don't feel like I deserve rest and care! 

 

I'd love to take more time off, and had just about talked myself into it, but glanced at a calendar and realized it's the shortest month and rent is coming due. Gonna struggle through a little more work, but also find a little time to rest at some point. Headache is better than it was at least, but still got me in a vice! Ok, pushing through. 😤

[Fifree]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

To hide it or just pop a pill in public?

Tapering off meds is nobody else's business of course but at the same time it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know you won't want to get into a whole "thing" with your family on the day. 

 

Big public days often lead to many many nervous trips to the bathroom so no-one would be surprised if you're running to the loo every hour. Do you have an offsider - the equivalent of a groomsperson/bridesperson - who could be your pill buddy? Could you work with said offsider to coordinate trips to the bathroom to take meds?

 

 

[littlebird]

22 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Big public days often lead to many many nervous trips to the bathroom so no-one would be surprised if you're running to the loo every hour. Do you have an offsider - the equivalent of a groomsperson/bridesperson - who could be your pill buddy?

 

That's a really good point!! I don't have an official wedding party, but I could find someone who isn't flighty/distractible as I am to keep an eye on the time. My partner tends to be more attached to their phone than I am, maybe it could be as simple as a repeating timer and then I grab a bag and have a loo break.

 

Might have a secondary person in case my partner is having too much fun to look at phone, which will hopefully be the case! Glad I'm thinking things through now, seems like I might have to stay on this "every 2 hours until I go to sleep" pill schedule. Probably overthinking, but I'll be prepared! 

[littlebird]

Log

Restless sleep (though white noise machine under the bed did the trick with loud neighbors). Woke up with neck at a bad angle in a lot of pain.

 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

7pm - mood took a nosedive

7:30pm - mood got better, weird

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

Aiming for midnight - 100mg Seroquel

 

Woke up in so much pain I couldn’t start working this morning and had to take time to relax my sore neck and shoulders. *sigh* Looks like another half day unless I work this evening.

 

Trying to work with a headache ain’t it! This is hard. I don’t want to take time off, but OOF I might have to. 

 

Ended up taking a half day, headache got me. 

 

Now that it’s not hitting during the workday, I’m starting to enjoy/look forward to the sedating effects Pristiq seem to have on me. It’s a good way to wind down, turns out! Who knew?!

 

Gratitude

We’ve got a cold front coming in, but it didn’t start blowing cold till the afternoon so I got a little spring-like sunshine in the morning as I worked outside. So nice!!

 

When I stepped outside in the evening and got blasted with the winds, I had the thought that they felt like strong “winds of change,” and felt positive about the changes I’m making. Positive feelings ahoy!

 

Feeling hopeful about work, which is a nice change of pace from worrying

 

My partner made a big pot of soup, which is going to be great for the coming chilly days.

 

Thought I was reporting a problem that I’d made, and it turns out I’d done nothing wrong and in fact had just found a bug. Maybe I can learn to jump less to blaming myself in the future; a goal!

 

Even though it was hard, I took time off today. Gotta listen to the body sometimes.

 

The lilies in the Valentine’s bouquet I got for my partner popped! It’s nice to have some flowers in the place.

 

There’s a new episode of my favorite podcast, gonna listen and maybe have some giggles while I do dishes tonight.

 

Last year, I got an electric mattress pad and it was one of the best ideas I’ve ever had. On this chilly night, I can preheat my bed to be a cozy panini press and feel like I’m getting into a warm bath when I get into bed. 10/10, highly recommend for my chilly comrades! Also great on nights where I’m sore, it’s an all over heating pad.

 

I’m really grateful for the food for thought this site has given me. Not just the med info, although that’s probably lengthening my life as we speak, but also the wit, wisdom, shared experiences, and support of the community. Thanks y’all!

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

My partner made a big pot of soup, which is going to be great for the coming chilly days.

 

You know, I didn't even tell my partner what I'd been remembering on here about soup on sick days as a kid. It's possible that they read it, it is public (if so, hi babe). Not probable though, they could just tell my lil under the weather headachy self needed some soup. 

 

I'm having another one of those "time travel" moments I was talking to @Thorin about, feeling myself telling younger me that I will be taken care of one day. It gets better, kid!

[Thorin]

18 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Last year, I got an electric mattress pad and it was one of the best ideas I’ve ever had. On this chilly night, I can preheat my bed to be a cozy panini press and feel like I’m getting into a warm bath when I get into bed. 10/10, highly recommend for my chilly comrades! Also great on nights where I’m sore, it’s an all over heating pad.

So weird to hear you guys talking about it being cold when we’re having heatwave warnings….. the mattress pad does sound good for winter

[littlebird]

On 2/21/2023 at 11:06 PM, Thorin said:

So weird to hear you guys talking about it being cold when we’re having heatwave warnings….. the mattress pad does sound good for winter

 

Those different hemispheres will get you! I'm wearing two sweaters and a winter coat indoors in this old poorly insulated building, and a heatwave sounds pretty sweet at the moment. Although if you're getting warnings about it, that's pretty hot. Hope everyone stays safe!

 

The electric mattress pad is amazing. Made sure to turn it on early tonight so the duvet gets all toasty too! Brrrr... I might be growing out of Northern California. Dreaming of warm beaches!

[littlebird]

Log

Slept well, feeling a bit slow and groggy. The white noise machine wins the day again!

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

Midnightish - 100mg Seroquel

 

I haven’t been able to work the extra-long days I was doing before the mugging. Not sure if it’s residual concussion, PTSD, or a combination. This med change really threw me for a big loop too! Wasn't even working full time the past week. Feeling a bit more like myself now that I’m a week in to the 75mg Wellbutrin, and finally logged a full 8 hours.

 

Gratitude

It’s so satisfying when a WellyB fragment is exactly the amount of mg I’m looking for. Things only people on SA would understand!

 

My partner is baking bread! The house is warming up and filling with toasty smells. 

 

I’m so grateful to have a home, a bed, clothes, and food. Feeling the Maslowian basics today big time!

 

I was able to work a full 8 hours today! Haven’t been able to manage that since the med change a week ago. Whew, getting back to normal, what a relief!

 

I asked for something I needed, instead of keeping that wish inside. “Closed mouth won’t get fed,” so it’s good to put myself out there and ask.

 

As always, the community on here is really making life much better. 🥰

[NoWeaponShallProsper]

Hi littlebird,

 

I am so glad you are now able to work for 8 hours!

 

And congratulations on voicing your needs!

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, NoWeaponShallProsper said:

Hi littlebird,

 

I am so glad you are now able to work for 8 hours!

 

And congratulations on voicing your needs!

 

Thank you!!! I appreciate the support. Hope you're having a beautiful day!

[littlebird]

Anyone else on a rollercoaster schedule of their poly-drug cocktail? I'm up and down all day with the meds spaced out like this. Hoping it evens out soon. Stabilizing has not been easy, I really dipped down in that 50mg time. It's like a week-long record scratch in my brain, bumping back up.

 

More than a week into the reinstated 75mg after that 50% drop, and I'm juuuuust started to see the fog clear every now and again. I lost the past month to my med mistake in a lot of ways. It's been foggy as heck, real emotional, and increasingly bleak.

 

Glad I made it through! It was getting dark with that accidental 50% taper; day by day that kept getting worse for almost 2 weeks. I was trying to figure out how to casually insert "So, I can't stop thinking about killing myself" into conversation with my partner, but also not wanting to worry them since it was passive intrusive thoughts and not an active threat to my safety.

 

Thank you @Go2zero for catching my mistake! I might've been on the road to inpatient the way that was going. Thank goodness you stepped in there.

 

Thank you too to all the lovely community on here who supported, laughed, and made the best of it with me through the last month. I really don't know what I would have done without y'all! 💛

[Soup]

@littlebird so glad go2zero was able to direct you in the right direction . So many wonderful souls here helping out even in their own suffering …..a true testament to the real good in humans . I hope things continue to settle for you even more 

[littlebird]

3 minutes ago, Soup said:

@littlebird so glad go2zero was able to direct you in the right direction . So many wonderful souls here helping out even in their own suffering …..a true testament to the real good in humans . I hope things continue to settle for you even more 

 

Thank you, @Soup! I agree, this site is a testament to the good in humans and the strength and tenacity of many. 

 

Things have to settle down, it's just gotta be expected over the course of time. Trying to stay positive and hopeful! 

[littlebird]

It's so flipping cold here, yo!!! I grew up in the hinterlands too, 

On 2/21/2023 at 11:06 PM, Thorin said:

So weird to hear you guys talking about it being cold when we’re having heatwave warnings

 

Dude, it snowed in my city today!! Super rare. Granted, it was up in the hills and not where I am, but still. Snow! 

 

Also brrrr.... usually this is the time I like to work outdoors and even in countless layers my extremities are going numb. I think I gotta throw in the towel and go inside. 🥶 I'll trade you some cold wind for a little bit of your heatwave and one koala on loan, pending us having the right kind of eucalyptus.

 

I'll also throw in a small bear if you can get the heatwave here immediately.

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

Dude, it snowed in my city today!! Super rare. Granted, it was up in the hills and not where I am, but still. Snow! 

Oh man that’s cool. Haven’t seen a lot of snow in my life.

 

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

I'll trade you some cold wind for a little bit of your heatwave and one koala on loan, pending us having the right kind of eucalyptus.

I’ve seen plenty of eucalyptus trees in Cali. Didn’t not which species though. I’d love a cool breeze (had the aircon on last night). Reckon I can do one short term loan of a koala but be warned they sound like a devil when they make a noise. Have a look on YouTube!

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Reckon I can do one short term loan of a koala but be warned they sound like a devil when they make a noise. Have a look on YouTube!

 

It was a series of cute noises then... devil sounds. I see what you mean! Gosh those little faces are cute tho