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  2. tripsteady

    tripsteady: Lexapro 20mg for 8 years

    Hi Guys Just an update, after the last drop and mess around I went back up to 20mg and have now started a taper again from yesterday at exactly 10% less than my current dose. The 20mg tablet weighed 26mg (due to filler) The plan is as below (is in grams due to making it easier to compare to my scale) 18th sept - 17th Oct - 0.02187 g 18th Oct - 17th Nov - 0.01968 g 18th Nov - 17th Dec - 0.0177 g 18th Dec - 17th Jan - 0.0160 g 18th Jan - 17th Feb - 0.0143 g 18th Feb - 17th March - 0.0129 g 18th March - 17th April - 0.0116 g 18th April - 17th May - 0.0105 g 18th May - 17th June - 0.0094 g 18th June - 17th July - 0.0085 g 18th July - 17th Aug - 0.0076 g 18th Aug - 17th Sept - 0.0067 g 18th Sept - 17 Oct - 0.0062 g 18th Oct - 17th Nov - 0.0056 g 18th Nov - 17th Dec - 0.005 g 18th Dec, 0?
  3. Altostrata

    boymom: Zoloft / sertraline

    boymom, are you seeing a psychotherapist? Did these thoughts exist before you started Prozac in December 2017? You very much need to talk to someone about this. Are you still taking progesterone? Have you looked into the adverse effects? It is a steroid.
  4. Sassenach

    Gemma92: severely kindled

    Hello Gemma Welcome to surviving antidepressants. I am very sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. So many drug changes in a short space of time are going to cause problems for your central nervous system. I realise you are feeling really bad at the moment but please do not change any medications at the moment. As you have had several visits to the psychiatric ward, we need to know how old you are. Sassenach
  5. Altostrata

    Danalee13: Lexapro / escitalopram taper

    Danalee, we work hard to give people the best peer support we can. We're all unpaid volunteers. The reason we do this is to keep people from getting hurt or hurting themselves with psychiatric drugs. Your choice if you don't want to listen to what we so laboriously and carefully explain to you. But you cannot expect solicitous handholding once you show how little you respect our effort. And that goes for anyone else who decides to "distance themselves." We peer support counselors are not a public utility. We don't have to serve everyone. Frustration and self-sacrifice among the staff is not the purpose of this site. We're not miracle workers and sometimes we can't dig people out of their mistakes. We don't intend to burn ourselves out over people who are dedicated to working against themselves -- their will to self-sabotage is stronger than any volunteer's desire to help people. I truly hope that is not your situation.
  6. Hello. I am severely kindled. I have quite a long story so please bare with me. I started on Lexapro 10mg in May 2018 for anxiety. I was never really stabalized on the 10mg and just told my doctor that it wasn't helping. She bumped it up to 20mg after a few weeks. She never told me to not just stop taking the drug apruptly. I thought it was like an asprin and I could just stop. Well now it's too late. So after about 2 months on this drug, I came down with strep throat. I was so sick and decided to just stop the Lexapro so I could work on getting myself better. 4 days later, I was put on Penicilln. After about 2 pills, I got extreme DR/DP and started acting all goofy. Then intense fear rushed over me and then about an hour later I was goofy again. I thought it was the Penicilln so I stopped taking it. Over the next few days I felt very weak and had extreme anxiety in the wave and window pattern. I told my doctor about this and she put me on Z-pack instead. Then same thing happened. I had extreme anxiety that was not a normal human emotion. It was drug induced but again I thought it was the antibiotic. After 4 pills, I decided to wait and see if the strep throat would clear on its own. It did but the anxiety continued to come in the wave and window pattern but I could still function somewhat. 1 month later my glands were getting swollen. I had thought that the infection from the strep was still around so my doctor put me on a third antibiotic. I forget the name but it was not a cipro class one. Again, the anxiety worsened and I could not take it anymore. After a week, I finished the antibiotic and told my doctor something wasn't right. The anxiety was so intense. She put me on a low dose of Effexor for 5 days. All my windows closed and I when I was at work I got a panic attack. The anxiety was so bad that I admitted myself to the pysch ward for the first time in my life. There they put me back on the Lexapro at 5mg, hydroxyzine and 1mg of Ativan. When I got home I kept thinking I was having a heart attack on these drugs because of the side effects and drug interactions but my doctor told me to keep taking the Lexapro for at least a month. I stopped the Ativan cold turkey after 2 weeks and also stopped the hydroxyzine. After a month, my anxiety was so bad and I was really struggling. I went online and found out it was the drugs doing this so I stopped the Lexapro 5mg cold turkey. I became bedbound. SEVERE anxiety, dizziness, ear ringing, flu symptoms, no appetite, sound senstivity, vision problems and so much more I can't list. I tried explaining what was happening to me to both my family and the doctors but nobody believed I was in withdrawal from such a short term use. I suffered horrendously and became suicidal. My family forced me to take another drug. Mirtazapine 15mg. I took it for 6 days and said that it was making too angry so I stopped. I continued to get worse. I only had a few windows where I felt myself. I could not do anything. I could not watch TV or even brush my hair. I was pretty much dying of starvation. I had dozens of ER visits and finally after 2 months, my family forced me into the pysch ward where the doctors put me back on Mirtazpine 7.5mg, and then 15mg after a week. They also put me on Zyprexa 2.5mg. The sedative effect helped enough to get me out of there and I could eat again. But once home and once the sedative effects wore off, I got worse. I developed anger and paranoia and psychotic like feelings. I was more suicidal than ever. And for the next 3 months my family kept sending me back into the psych ward where brands were changed and they upped my Mirtazapine to 30mg and Zyprexa to 5mg then back down to 2.5mg. I was dead. I was like a deer in headlights and suffering the worst mental torment one can't ever imagine. I had to lie to get out of the pysch ward and when I tried to kill myself again, the police handcuffed me and put me back in the pysch ward. This was about 3 months after they put me on the Mirt and Zyprexa. They cold turkeyed me off the Zyprexa 2.5mg and lowered the Mirtazapine to 15mg. And they gave me 1 Prozac pill and 3 Trazadone pills plus I was put on hydroxyzine many times too. I even tried pain killers for relief. Everything kept making me worse and worse. And of course I had a bladder infection so they put me on antibiotcs again. And I was even put on sterioids! So many drugs! All in an 8 month time period. So here I am on 13.5mg of Mirtazapine. It's been almost 6 months now and I haven't made any changes other than going from 15mg to 13.5mg. I have no windows. My symptoms are horrendous. 1. Severe anxiety 2. Terror/horror 3. Paranoia 4. Heavy cying spells 5. Burning brain/head pressure 6. Psychotic feelings 7. Anger 8. Suicidal thoughts and urges 9. Minor muscle twitches And more I am sure. But those are the most severe. I feel disabled and like a person with a severe TBI. I am holding on the 13.5mg of Mirtazapine for now. My sister helps me with making the the liquid. I am bedbound and suffering probably more than most people going through this. I lay on the floor and scream and cry for HOURS. And this all happened just from an undiagnosed Lexapro withdrawal after just 2 months. I would just like to know if even severely kindled people can heal and I would like an opinion about my taper. Please and thank you. -Gemma Drug history: Prozac (as a child) Right Thyroid Removed August 2017 Lexapro (10-20 mg) May 2018 - July 2018 (CT after 2 months) Penicillin July 2018 (3 pills) Z-pac July 2018(A few pills) Third antibitoc 2018 (1 week) Effexor July 2018 (5days) Lexapro (5 mg) September 2018 (1 month CT) Lorazepam (1mg-0.5 mg) September 2018 (2 weeks) Mirtazapine (15 mg) end of October 2018 (6 days) Mirtazapine (7.5-30mg) November 2018 (FT and currently at 13.5mg) Zyprexa (2.5mg-5mg) November 2018. (CT after 3 months)
  7. Today
  8. UPDATE....!!!!! Its been one month since I posted last time here. Some symptoms got improved while others got worsen. Sleep:- I'm able to sleep between 5 to 7.5 hours daily. But the thing is...... I feel less deep sleep. Something like my brain stopped to relax during sleep. I feel no difference between before and after sleep. Vivid dreams !!!!! instead of deep sleep my brain is running in some kind of weird dreams. And this symptom started around 2 weeks back and it slowly intensified for 1 week. Since last 5 days onwards, this symptom is fading away. Today I had a peaceful sleep for 7.5 hours and I had a good dream instead of some horror one. I don't know how it will be tomorrow. 🙁 Armpit ,Beard and Pubic hair loss:- This one didn't appeared suddenly. I started losing hair very gradually. But last month hair loss was too much. I didn't posted in last post because during that time it was not much noticable. Eye floaters:- This symptom is less bothersome now. I see improvements. Previously floaters very concentrated and very black. But now they have reduced very much. Diarrhea:- I fixed it by taking probiotics and intermittent fasting for 48 hours. I stopped eating refined sugar, sweets and desserts. No caffeine and no alcohol. Sweating:- Completely gone. I never observed them since last month. Appetite:- Gradually appetite got improved. PSSD:- Gradually it got worsen, no morning and random erections these days. Semen volume got decreased. I feel like my balls are shrunken. Joint pains:- As i do gym and sports regularly I didn't added in WD list. But I stopped doing gym since one month but still im having joint paints randomly. Calcium and D3 supplements are not helpful. Moderators please answer my question..... Does anyone faced similar way of healing??? Like some symptoms got worse and vice versa??? As PSSD got worsen I done blood test and results were optimal. Free Testosterone is 650ng/dl Prolactin is 4.5ng/dl FSH is 2.6 mIU/ml(close to lower border) LS is 4.6 mIU/ml Done liver functional test and all are optimal. Done thyroid test FT4 is 1.7 ng/dl and optimal range is 0.82-1.57 As per my knowledge, this period might be wave. Your opinions are very valuable for me. So do reply to my post. Thank you all (namaste 🙏)
  9. Hi Lindsay, thank you for letting us know. It would be really great if Johawaii could post herself and tell us in more detail about her recovery.
  10. I do want to add some positivity to my thread though for anyone who lurks on here, although I have these small waves, they are absolutely nothing compared to the reaction. I am myself again, I laugh again and I genuinely enjoy my life and my family. I go days and days forgetting that this had ever even happened, its not even a thought most of the time. I don't even think about this website anymore until I get an email from it and decide to update and this website used to be my life line! I don't know if anyone actually reads any of this but just incase anyone does I just want them to know there is hope and i know how hard that is to believe when you are in it.
  11. For anyone who comes across Johawaii's story, I just wanted to update since she no longer comes on here, she is doing AMAZING. Truly one of the strongest people I know. A huge beacon of hope to others who find themselves in this situation. There is hope for healing, it takes work though.
  12. I have still been stuck in this wave. It is strange, I feel as though I have PTSD from everything that happened. Now any amount of stress sets me off. Anger, being overwhelmed, feeling guilty for anything, any kind of negative emotion is just too much for me sometimes and send me back into a spiral. But Im doing my best to bring myself out of it.
  13. Yes I took 5mg Escitalopram for 1 month. No withdrawal symptoms observed for 2 months. March is the month where my withdrawal is severe.
  14. bunchesofoats

    bunchesofoats: starting 2nd citalopram taper

    Well today sucked. It wasn't all WD, since I've definitely felt some of these things before, but I'm assuming it was triggered by it. I had a powerful flashback of a sexual assault that happened several years ago. I've never repressed it and have spoken about it to others, yet I think I've never really let myself go there. I can't stand to admit vulnerability, even if I understand the importance of it. I heard Brene Brown's TED talk when it first came out and I knew it completely shifted my perspective right away. Yet those old habits are still there somewhere, and I guess that's where the WD comes in - it takes me back to the most destructive ways of thinking that I've tried so much to change. Or maybe that's not it at all. To be honest it's been really hard to get a grasp on what's going on. I've never had a flashback like this, and I don't want to go into too much detail, but it threw me around in a powerful way that I don't know if I've ever been aware of experiencing before. And it wasn't just the one, it was a culmination of all the times my boundaries have been crossed. The WD definitely sucks, but so do the conditions that existed before it. There are just so many factors. It's really hard to make sense of, and I really like having things organized. One thing's for sure, my head feels weird. That for sure is the medication. It's almost like I can't get to a relaxed state in my head, it's hard to explain. It's how I felt on wellbutrin and other stimulants. I'm going to stop Vitamin D since I already know I have insomnia when I take too much, and I read here that people can be more sensitive during WD. I also read the same about B vitamins which I found interesting because I was taking just methylfolate (I have the MTHFR mutation, as well as COMT) and at some point felt like it was making me anxious, so I stopped that. I don't take a multivitamin because my b12 was high during my last blood test so the NP recommended I stop taking any b12 supplements.
  15. Thanks for the great reply. All of this information is very much appreciated. My doctor initiated my 1st taper of 5 mg. I had already started that when I found this forum and decided to join so I could get some support. Over the past month or so, I have started to get very intense spells of uncontrollable thoughts of worry. I have been able to tame them down with deep breathing and exercise. The Doctor said that he thinks the Paroxetine has quit working. I purchased a little scale and a pair of pill cutting scissors and I have been shaving of small portions until I get to the correct weight. My little scale shows that a standard 30 mg paroxetine pill actually weighs 44mg so I have been cutting them down to 37 grams and I think that calculates out to 25 or 26 mg of Paroxietine. I plan on doing that for 4 weeks and hope for the best and if all goes well, I will then begin to reduce by another 10% for 3 to 4 weeks. Tomorrow will be day 5 on my 1st reduction and so far so good. I am actually feeling pretty good. However, I also know that often the WD symptoms will not start to occur until week 2 or 3.
  16. David182

    David182: hello all

    I just looked up magnesium deficiency symptoms... I have almost every one of them. For whatever reason I think I’ve hit an ebb in magnesium despite not changing much of anything. https://naturalsociety.com/16-magnesium-deficiency-symptoms-signs-low-levels/
  17. Another option to measure capsule contents for a dose. Fold a piece of firm paper in half and fold it backwards and forwards on the fold so that it will still sit flat. Pour the capsules contents onto the paper and fold it so that the powder is along the fold. Carefully open out the fold and place down on a flat surface. With a flat sharp implement, blade of a knife or razor blade, divide up the powder. If you fold two pieces of paper together you can pull one out from under the other and scrape the powder on the underneath piece of paper.
  18. Jlkdr

    Jlkdr: off Prozac

    8/18/19 6:30 AM Up for coffee, losartan, krill oil 8:30 AM Repaired gutter leaks 9:00 AM Made preps in home to leave dogs, changed out area rugs etc, feeling bad, angry, short tempered, impatient, sad, crying 1:30 PM Feel debilitated, cannot describe this feeling, canceled book study group, daughter brought me lunch. I miss this daughter who lives here. She’s currently commuting to work out of town for a limited time. 3:00 PM Meditation, rest, reading surviving antidepressants.com forum posts about spiraling emotions. Recognized akathisia and morning dread. Recalled akathisia is what started my venture into heavy-duty psych drugs. It was the result of rebound effect of the Xanax I purchased online in 2004/2005. After reading the information on how long the process of tapering and feeling better will take, I’ve decided I will be dead before I feel alive again. I think I need to stop reading and look for YouTubes on meditation and brain healing. 6:30 PM Made it to bed already, feeling better 9:00 PM Fisher Wallace, 400 mg magnesium, .75 mg klonopin, listening to brain healing binaural music for sleep
  19. I don't think more water would help....this powder is just not dissolving easily....They are gelatin capsules full of the powder so I can try dumping out the powder onto a piece of paper and forming an even rectangle....and then cutting that into quarters... But what about when we have to taper down further? How can I accurately do it this way? I am also not clear as to how long this taper is going to last. Could this really takes weeks to get off the DLPA? I didn't seem to have any trouble dropping from 1000 to 500 though. Today, I have had 24/7 anxiety in my chest (which isn't that different from other days)....I have the heart palpitations and flutters and a constant racy feeling....also feel wide awake at 7pm when I should be getting that winding down feeling....I definitely feel better after cutting down the DLPA dosage from 1000 mg to 500 mg but I am scared that I still have this constant anxiety....why is this? During my bad taper, I did, from time to time, experience the chest pressure. But I do not recall feeling this constant, level of anxiety when the withdrawals first started on July 24th...it was more of a sick/unwell/weak/hungover feeling. So, where is the anxiety coming from? Do withdrawal symptoms evolve from one thing into another? I'm feeling really fearful right now.... My goal is to get off the aminos and then see where I am at with the Prozac reinstatement. If I need to increase the Prozac, I am fine with that. I have also reconciled the fact that I may never be able to get off Prozac. That is ok, too. I just want the withdrawal symptoms and anxiety to go away. Is it possible the 1.25 mg of Prozac is causing the anxiety? Or wouldn't it make more sense that it is my body's way of saying that it wants more Prozac? Sorry, just having a worrisome day and am looking for some reassurance.
  20. ChessieCat

    getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

    Acceptance
  21. Yes I think this secondary fear, which I see as freaking out over the withdrawal symptoms and fighting them, is a problem for me. My takeaway from this is that I need to accept my W/D symptoms, and just flow with them, instead of fighting them or getting upset by them. This forum is a huge help in allowing me to do that. I already feel much calmer now than I did earlier today. What happens is I feel so good for a few days, then it's as if the bottom has dropped out and I feel awful the next day, and it takes me by surprise. Windows and waves.
  22. ChessieCat

    getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

    I'm pleased about this. And this is good too. He doesn't have to be specific. It's none of her business. Even just saying that you are run down at the moment, or have a lot on your plate. Something really general that happens to anybody.
  23. getofflex

    getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

    Thankfully she will not be staying with me. She stayed with me one day back in April, and that didn't work out. I'm going to set some boundaries as to how much time I spend with her, and if she gets offended, hubby is going to run interference for me and have a talk with her and tell her that I'm stretched to the limit, which I am. Thanks for all the information. I'll read the links tomorrow when I have time.
  24. WinterMermaid

    WinterMermaid

    Thanks, ChessieCat, your response is very helpful. I will try to go SLOW this time. Although I am, of course, ready to be DONE, I don't want to go through the setback that I had this spring/summer.
  25. Welcome back Survivor1, I am very sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and have these medical conditions. Pulmonary venous hypertension is serious. I seem to recall that you were getting those middle of the night or early morning jerks awake. Are you still getting those as well? I am still tapering, it's taking forever. I can do about 5% every five or six weeks. Sometimes I get symptoms but they are mild. I am not complaining at all. Compared to what you are going through, and what others of this site and even what I have gone through in the past I am most grateful for every bit of health I have right now. It is a long and ugly road recovery road we walk. I hope that these problems go away for you. RS
  26. So I don’t have enough info to draw any conclusion yet, but Thursday and Friday were the worst I’ve felt in a while. Then Saturday and Sunday were the best days I’ve had in a while. Seems like it might be coming back now, it started midnight on Sunday. I also discovered that the impact of being fasted vs fed on the bioavailability of Effexor XR is much greater than the impact on the other brand I was taking. What exactly does “fed” mean in the context of taking medicstion? I take mine at 9pm, so would toast or a yogurt or something count?
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