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Still struggling to sleep for long enough. I've got too many thoughts, ideas and I'm not sure if my brain is ready for handling both the recovery burden and my regular life pace. I didn't want to resume normal life too quickly, but a thought here, some work there, family taking me somewhere and suddenly I'm barely saving myself throughout the day. Typically for a wave, my stress tolerance now is very low and it doesn't help when I lately hear others not seeing improvements despite doing everything right. I know my case looks promising: young age, immediate adverse reaction and not withdrawal, but still the chances of recovery and its length could be anything. It's technically easier for me because I'm drug free since 22.12.2023, so it's obvious I should just abstain from the current perspective, but I'm feeling more panic from all that uncertainity. I was more confident three weeks ago. I'm telling myself that I do see improvements, that windows get longer, that symptoms fade quicker, but I may still be in acute phase. At least I don't have physical-life-impacting symptoms, just mental tortures. Giving myself 50-55 days more to judge my condition, right now I should take more care of myself though I feel lonely and drained.

I took me years to realize that my 2015 postraumatic and moral crisis never ended, that I was forced to come back to "normal", chemically and psychologically suppressed, under coerccion, and that the drug tricked me to think and believe that was over, so naturally when I came off Sertraline I reconnected with all my unprocessed trauma and unresolved moral conflict, feelings and emotions, and I lost all the fake stability that Sertraline gave me. I'm trying to find real closure for this crisis, so I can find peace again.

I've been four months now on 0.5 mg Citalopram reinstatement, shortly after taking my dose today my eyes were blurry, I am dizzy again, my balance is off, I feel weak and tired and generally unwell. I think I should have felt better and not worse by now. There's not been a glimmer of hope in weeks. I have decided to reduce my dose and come off it. I know there will be symptoms but I have them now in any case. I shall start tomorrow. Best wishes everyone.🙏😊

You have a young brain and nervous system, which means your chances of full recovery are much more positive. You are still in the acute phase of withdrawal. The fact you are still attending classes is a positive sign, despite the absence of emotion. If you want to experiment with diet I'd suggest starting by removing gluten and dairy. Just try one or two things at a time, see how it makes you feel.

thank you @Dee12h ❤️

I am praying for us. Yes, fighting for life here too @Boges11. Big hug.

That's great news @sandnit. Every little bit of feeling good is a glimpse of what the future will look like. And thank you for updating your signature. Oh that is really bad about the pharmacy. If I were you, I would switch to liquid escitalopram or making your own solution. Or cutting your own drug. It may be more effort but at least you don't depend on other people. And I would then maybe do a Brassmonkey slide method. Seems like escitalopram is available as a liquid in the NL. https://www.geneesmiddeleninformatiebank.nl/pars/h111199.pdf The liquid you would dilute to get precise doses, it is really not very difficult. I have been doing this for 5 years now and happy to help calculate dosages. You can even do daily tiny reductions with this. Hope your windows get bigger! OMW

Welcome @YellowGrace, Not crazy - the choice is yours. For me, I had developed unwanted side effects, so I made the decision to taper, and haven't looked back. The best time to attempt to taper is when you are feeling stable...and you mentioned that you feel stable 👍 Have a read of the success stories, rather than the horror stories. The way people have success tapering, is to do it very slowly: Why taper by 10% of my dosage? Each monthly reduction should get smaller and smaller: month 1 = 45mg, month 2 = 40.5mg, month 3 = 36.45mg etc. If you taper too fast, WD symptoms are the likely outcome: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF). Reading your story, it sounds like you've previously experienced WD symptoms. It would be worth reading this link: A few more helpful links to help you on your journey: Windows and waves pattern of stabilization Emotional Spirals Non-drug coping strategies Melatonin for sleep We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. Magnesium Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Avoid alcohol. Don't change the manufacturer of your AD. This is your own Introduction topic. Each member has only ONE Introduction topic. Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress. This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. Once again, welcome to S.A. Emonda

Hello @Erimus Reading through your posts here in your thread and also in others' I am blown away by your courage, integrity, wisdom, and tenacity. I know you are still in the thick of it, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It is truly indescribably difficult. Give yourself so much credit for how far you've come, you are truly doing an incredible job! I applaud and celebrate your hard work. How praiseworthy and awe-inspiring, as well, that you are able to enact the role of moderator here amidst the unique challenges of your personal experience. You are offering such qualified guidance and support to your peers, and your efforts fortify the entire community. Thank you. You're amazing and encountering your contributions on SA I'm filled with admiration, respect, and gratitude. Well done, you, and hats off! Rock on <3

Hi @Ninabird Thanks for your sweet message. Thinking nice thoughts in your direction <3

@Dahlia50Thanks🙏😊❤

@Onmyway, i have updated my signature. Thanks for the reminder. This morning i had small moments of feeling a little bit better ....... now it's back to feeling blahhh. Could this be little signs of healing / stabilizing? Although i asked the taperings strip pharmacy i wanted a max 10% reduction if i look closely now see that the rate of reduction is quicker. I trused them in this but should have looked better myself. Within 20 days i was down to 4,5mg which is about 12 -13% reduction per month.

Thanks for the advice - I’ve learnt that slow and steady is the way to go. Good to hear that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel 😀

The batch I make lasts me two days. I just keep the remaining liquid in a dark cool room. Hasn't caused me any issues.

@LotusRising thank you. ok i will wait more . i think it will be best if you read my thread and then suggest me for next step. One thing is certain, my aka was started after few pill. How long i wait it can never heal untill i complete my taper.

Yes! Hanging on, I was thinking I would stuck there forever, but no! you will get better soon too 🤗

Hi @Catwoman73... I'm very happy you're here. I've had a read through your posts and I'm not sure about 'Catwoman', maybe 'Superwoman' is more appropriate! I have no idea how you can take this on at the same time as long covid. That's TWO sets of weird symptoms and I can't even imagine how confusing it must be. I have actually stopped taking Lexapro once before, back in 2006, but I have no real memory of it. All I know is that my friends and family have told me it wasn't a great time. I do have a slight memory of brain zaps (something that's not easy to forget!). But I do feel like I might've dodged a bullet by finding this place before jumping and starting my taper. I know you're going to do well too. Your previous experience and your amazingly positive attitude will get you through it. And us! We're here and we'll remind you that you're still Super-Catwoman whenever you need it. I do agree that it's a bit of an adventure lol. It's all quite surprising, yet interesting. What will it be next?! So far so good-ish for me. I hope the same for you

@Tom2020 I am currently seeing neurologist and spinal specialist to try and get to the bottom of it. The pain is so unmanageable that some sort of pain relief is most likely going to need to be required. You are very sweet to respond to me. I'm worried that the pain will become permenant and that I will be stuck with it forever because I just couldn't live that way. I'm very scared

Yesterday I was confronted with external stress and tried to start getting some things done. The result was insomnia and anxiety and worrying throughout the night. How do you handle days after a sleepless night?? And how do you keep stress away from you (when life somehow needs to go on)??

I have joined this forum after researching everything I can and preparing for my journey off of Mirtazapine 45mg which I have been on for exactly 10 years. I will start the taper at the beginning of May 2024. I am working with a nurse practitioner who has mentored under Dr Mark Horowitz who will assist me in tapering very slowly off. I have decided to try to come off because I also developed long covid in January 2022. I have tried many supplements and therapies to try to heal from that and the most effective thing for it has been my last resort- homeopathy. But I’ve plateaued with it now and my homeopath thinks its possible we’ve hit a wall with the Mirtazapine blocking the rest of my healing. I don’t feel like I need the Mirtazapine anymore but I’ve just been too scared to come off. I had lots of crazy side effects going on to it. A bit of my past history- around 1994 I became depressed and went on Prozac. I felt great on it and had a Dr support me going of almost cold turkey maybe 3 years later. 2 weeks after that last dose I crashed into a depression again. (Now I realize it was probably withdrawal). When I tried to go back on Prozac it no longer worked. So my Dr tried Paxil. I tried that for months but it gave me a stomach ache so my Dr switched me to Serzone. I stayed on that for a few years but I still felt down and anxious and decided to go off and try therapy and exercise instead. I don’t recall any ill side effects and managed for the next 13 or so years drug free. I had (have) OCD and generalized anxiety disorder which was especially bad during my pregnancies but I survived. After some life shattering stressors, in 2013 my Dr and I decided I would go on Cipralex. I think I was only on that for several months (less than a year) but it suddenly made my heart rate go really high. So I went off of it at a pace the Dr said to (so probably too fast) but I think I was fine until about 6 months later when out of the blue I had my first panic attack. It started the worst mental period of my life. I felt I had truly lost my mind as even in between panic attacks I felt this impending doom feeling. Ominous. And the world would turn all cartoon and didn’t feel real. I couldn’t sleep. It was all horrific. My panic attacks seemed to stop but I was so rattled by this that my Dr put me on Mirtazapine right away. And I soon went up to the highest dose of 45mg. Getting on Mirtazapine I started sleeping better but I had brain zaps and dizziness, my body couldn’t be still, etc. It felt yucky to get used to but I was so traumatized from the mental breakdown I had. (It was 6 months after discontinuing Cipralex- could it have been some form of late withdrawal or just a random development of panic disorder after feeling okay?? Feel free to give your opinion). This brings me to today. I have been on Mirtazapine 45mg now for 10 years. I feel like I didn’t even know myself back then but I have grown so much and am in therapy for things in the past and now feel like I understand all my parts and why I feel different anxieties etc. I have had OCD for over 20 years but it feels manageable to where I am fine with it. It doesn’t usually affect my life too negatively. I am usually happy enough and have peace most of the time. But I do get random shots of adrenaline sometimes when I lay down at night to sleep or sometimes if I nap. It's like as soon as my body tries to relax some adrenaline alarm goes off. I also can get waves of what feels like panic attacks but there is no fear with it. I've learned to just ride the feeling and it really only feels like anxiety in my body. My chest gets heavy, my heart may race etc but I don’t feel fear. This has only been happening for the last several years. Now that I’ve shared my story is there any insight anyone can share on how they see my picture? I wonder if I'm crazy to try going off of something when it feels like I’m stable and mostly content enough all the time. Or is this the best time to try and go off? Im in my late 40s and I have been thankful I’m at a point in life where I feel okay and now feel quite scared after reading all the horror stories. I am also trying to discern what the adrenaline rushes could be and if that is actually anxiety which could get worse if I’m off meds or if it's somehow my Mirtazapine changing or causing symptoms over the years. I don’t want to be on drugs my whole life. I feel ready but also the horror stories are very scary. Anyone have any comments on why I might be having these symptoms? Do people try to get off antidepressants when they still have some level of anxiety? Thank you for listening.

Restarting the taper. 1.50mg ... 3.3% drop. I intend to drop another 0.05mg in two weeks. So in the short term these drops are in the 6-7% per month range. And we'll see how it goes from there.

Hi, thanks for dropping by and commenting, I don’t come by very often anymore. For a good while I was on here constantly. Tapering your Latuda is definitely achievable! Congratulations on making the decision to get off! It took 10 months after my last dose change to heal to what felt close to 100%. It was incredibly difficult after having made so many mistakes. But the Latuda doesn’t bother me at all anymore. I still have 14mg to taper but I’m finishing off my Benzo taper at the moment and i’ll only taper one med at a time. Once I’m healed from the Benzo taper I’ll finish tapering the Latuda. My kids are doing really well. My daughter is 18 and finishing her last year of school. She has a boyfriend and is enjoying life. My son’s doing amazingly well after his rough patch with some life difficulties. I’m now down to 0.2mg of clonazepam and this taper has been brutal. But I’m doing it. It’s has changed me, the difficulties I’ve faced coming off meds. But I’d say most of the changes are for the better. I’m not there yet, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn’t see before…. I’m happy to keep in touch if you like. You’ve got this! The absolute main thing I’ve learned is slow and steady. If you feel you urgently need to change something to feel better. Don’t change your dose. If you’re struggling. Go slower for a while. Good luck!

Hi @fightingforlife I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. Survivingantidepressants.org is a site for coming off of psychiatric drugs with the least harm possible by tapering very slowly. We do not give advice on what drugs to take and what drug cocktails work for what. If you're interested in leaving your drugs behind then we can advise you on how to avoid withdrawal effects. It is possible that you are having side effects and iatrogenic harm from your meds but we're not qualified to diagnose these. If you'd like help coming off of your drugs please create a drug signature (link is where you found the link to create your intro). You can also find lots of information on the website about our methods. Hope you feel better soon Omw

Welcome @prozacdarknet Sorry to read of your situation, and that you felt the need to seek medication and support on the darknet. I'd be very wary of any medication purchased off the internet other than from a legitimate online pharmacy. You'd want to be 100% certain of what you are taking. It would be unlikely that you felt anything positive from one dose of Prozac, that quickly. If you've only taken one tablet, you can simply stop. Given the experience of so many on this site trying to get off ADs, I'd do everything else possible to avoid taking/becoming dependent on them. I have seen some good resources out there, but there is great benefit in face to face conversations. Regards, Emonda

I totally agree. I remember doing keto at one point and feeling better in a lot of ways. I heard somewhere on this form the importance of organic foods too. Will definitely give it a shot. Haven't tried intermittent fasting but I've heard a lot of good things about it! Yes (thankfully) and I think the stress of finals is probably adding to the intensity of the WD/adverse reaction. Once its over I hope to start getting back in shape physically, although I'll just need to take it one day at a time. These days its a lot of loud intrusive thoughts that I have to manage. Once I'm past them and they calm down, I become a little more functional (like right now).