Search the Community

Hi, ive known about this site for awhile. But this is my first post. A breif history about myself. I struggled with opiate addiction and drug/alcohol addiction in my late teens and early twenties. When I got sober, I started to get panic attacks. And was put onto paxil. Ive been alcohol and drug free for almost 11 years (aside from antidepressants, ect) After 7 years of working, it pooped out. And i was left with symptoms that I had never had previously. There is a detailed breakdown in my signature, regarding my dosages, and taper. Upon my recent drops, mainly once I got under 1.25 mg, I expierenced strange withdrawl symptoms. Feelings of dissociation, occasional waves of anxiety. But these generally reside after a few weeks. Previously, Ive only had one migraine in my life before my taper. Interestingly, ive began to have frequent confusional migraines following a drop. It starts with pain behind one of my eyes, coupled with an inability to see out of one eye. Or, distorted vision. This transitions into extreme sensitivity to light and sound. And, not always, but most times, a pounding headache. Also, familiar names and people, I sometimes do not recognize during this period. This period lasts about 4 hours. I know this is all from my abilify taper. The reason I am writing now, is because today is day 1, on 0mg abilify. I take Viva Naturals Omega 3 fish oil (1400mg EPA | 480mg DHA) and Pure Encapsulations Magnesium Citrate 150mg I occasionally take L-Theanine 200mg for anxiety, unsure if it helps or not. If the panic returns with a vengeance, i do have .25mg xanax I can take. But I have not needed to take it, and borderline refrain from doing so. Most of my original symptoms are gone. And I feel that my diet of 0 processed foods, heavy protein//fat from animal products, limited carbs, usually under 150grams a day, and only 40mg of caffeine in the morning have cured my original panic disorder. I am 6'0, 172 lbs, I excercise extensively every day. Any advice, suggestions for possible supplementation, or what to expect from jumping off of abilify at .08mg would be appreciated. Thank you, and I pray that God continues to bless.

Hi there, I would appreciate it advice on this please. I was on Wellbutrin 300 mg and Lexapro 10 mg was tapered by a company and I was off of all medication in a month. It seemed like there wonder supplements were supposed to help me thus justifying a Fast taper. after being off the medication‘s for two weeks I went back on one quarter dose of Wellbutrin and then taper down from there. I gradually tapered off that over a couple of months and then the withdrawals got even more horrific once I was off of everything. Off of everything for two months I reinstated Lexapro at 1.25 mg. I went to see a functional medicine doctor and she put me on hormones . I’m on progesterone and oestrogen patch. apparently going off of anti-depressants reeked havoc on my hormones. I cannot work I cannot participate in any of the sports I was involved in. I’m basically a useless lump and I spend most of my day In bed. Should I increase my Lexapro a little bit more? Not really sure what to do at this point. Thank you.

this may be long but its a complete overview of how psych drugs have destroyed my life(hopefully temporarily) I was put on zoloft at 14 for depression and severe OCD. the effects were actually extremely therapeutic and healing. I havent had any compulsions since( 6 years ago). so I do not regret going on it looking back, but i had no idea i was going destined to go down the rabbit hole of psychotropic meds. zoloft made me develop a duodenal ulcer and berets esophagus which made me feel nauseas all the time, thankfully nexium seemed to fix it and I haven't had gastrointestinal problems since. fast forward 3 years after i moved away to start my first year of college. amongst the workloads and new experiences i accidentally cold turkeyed my meds and decided to stay off. I slowly started to experience depression which seemed managable until i began to feel the anxiety creep back in. it got to the point where i was freaked out enough that my OCD would return that went to my psychiatrist, he thought the logical thing to do was to be put back on the zoloft but i was not keen on that idea because of my fear of furthering my gastro problems in starting the medication back up. I was also tired of feeling exhausted all the time, so he suggested an SSNRI and put me on wellbutrin. i only managed a couple weeks on it i believe as it aggrivated my anxiety, so he took me off and put me on effexor. the effexor worked pretty well for me as i increased my doses. i believe i was on 225 mg. after my freshman year i moved back home because i had made changes to my degree path that the university i was attending couldn't fulfill. I again began taking my meds sporadically and feeling the effects of it, some brain zaps, slight change in though process, anxiety and pretty bad depression. i eventually cold turkeyed the effexor(idiotic) and felt the depression worsen by the weeks. thankfully i was at home where i could be as upset and weird as i needed to be thanks to the worlds most understanding mother( dealt with two of her siblings' bipolar disorder). as i waited for my appointment with a new psychiatrist in my home town, things got to the point where i was ready to take any medication in order to feel better, so i went into my sessions with my new psychiatrist with a completely open yet naive perspective about meds, considering it was the effexor that that screwed me up. he immediately pointed out the other doctors mistake in changing drug classes too quickly. so he decided i should stick with the ssri's. I was hesitant because i thought i was so messed up i was beyond that. boy was i wrong. he put me on lexapro and said it was one of the more heavy duty ssri's. i began taking the medication and felt a slow leveling of my mood as i worked up to 20mg( 3 years ago). however, i was not satisfied with my progress after about a month, so he decided that adding abilify would help things. after taking one abilify pill i would never underestimate the power of psych meds again. I took the abilify at night and went to bed but the abilify would not let me sleep a wink. everytime i would doze off i would jerk awake as if i had a nightmare. there was also a slight feeling of restlessness and anxiety. it was torture but thankfully only lasted that night as i never took a second pill. at this point i figured that the lexapro was enough and it was for about 2 years as my well being kept increasing and i felt completely in control of my emotions. at the time i had bad cystic acne and wanted to go on accutane as a last resort. my psychiatrist approved despite my worries of the potential psychological effects, he thought the lexapro was a good enough safety net. so i went on a 7 month cycle of accutane and developed no psychological issues. however i did feel a dulling to my mental processing nothing too extreme but something i was aware of. I thought it was without a doubt the accutane because at the time i was sold on the effectiveness and benefits of psych meds. 4 months after stopping the accutane i decided to taper down to 10mg, and i did as my doctor instructed, but as we all know now, standard medical protocol for tapering off meds is pretty inaccurate. i started noticing diffuse pain in my body. i thought i was just working out too hard, as i exercised and lifted weights 6 days a week. but the pain progressed to a point where my workouts had to be compromised and my muscle movement became slightly rigid and my connective tissue was snapping and popping, so i eventually went to the doctor. i was referred to a rheumatologist who did a full work up and found no signs of inflammation. which was both relieving but also unsettling because the nonspecific diagnosis of fibromyalgia was not good enough for me. I was also told that i may or may not be developing an autoimmune disease which scared the **** out of me( ha if only i knew how much worse things were going to get). the popping and snapping made me believe i was developing rheumatoid arthritis. the fear drove me to an alternative and proactive approach to healing. I began eating vegan, then paleo/anti inflammatory. the diet was difficult and made me lose a lot of muscle mass. but i kept on it until i was invited to a friends 21st birthday party in vegas. during that weekend i threw away all dietary restrictions all at once and payed for it. the very first night of heavy drinking exacerbated all of my symptoms and added a neurological flavor to it; i began to experience weakness and tremors.this occured eveyrtime i drank in the future. i didnt want to miss out so i powered through it. I managed to come back and continue my diet temporarily before i moved for school again. fall of 2014, I moved to SF for school and was so excited about the possibilities awaiting me in the city. i was still on 10 mg of lexapro at the time and felt mentally sound accept for a and clear increase in brain fog which i thought was related to whatever mysterious illness was brewing in me. still, i never thought to attribute it to the lexapro because in my mind, there was no way an antidepressant could manifest such physical symptoms but I weaned off the 10 down to 5 over a couple weeks to be sure. my time in SF only lasted 2 months as the symptoms progressed and I fell more ill. I began experiencing reccuring fevers of 104 and missed a lot of class. the health center doctors there swore is was just a bad virus. but i wasnt getting better and I began to notice twitches in my muscles at rest. I missed so much class, i had to come back home and get my health back in line. the possibilities were extremely distressing. i was reffered to an infectious disease specialist who believed i might have contracted HIV or Lyme disease. after some blood tests, he ruled out HIV but wanted to be absolutely sure it wasnt lyme or some other infection he might have missed. he decided a spinal tap would be the best way to confirm. it made complete sense that i would have lyme disease since my symptoms matched the criteria completely however the results were negative. the spinal tap procedure was pretty much painless, but the spinal headache and back pain drove me to pop Vicodin like dr. house. it would only subside when i was completely flat. this lasted a little over a week. the hole in my spine was leaking so much that i temporarily lost my hearing while visiting my brother in chico. i woke up and my right ear was not picking up anything and the headache had worsened. I informed my mother and we drove to the ER. after waiting 5 hours in the waiting room a nurse took us back to a hallway gurney. I'll never forget this nurses name because of what she put me through. my options were an emergency blood patch, or fluids and pain medication. I went with the latter because i was done with needles going into my back. the nurse hooked me up to an iv and told me the drug cocktail she was going to give me was a non narcotic combination of muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories, and antiemetics. after all the vicodin i was done with narcotics so I agreed to the cocktails administration. even now as i write this I get an overwhelming feeling of regret. the cocktail contained, benadryl, toradol, and compazine. little did i know that compazine was first generation antipsychotic. I immediately felt the effects. horrid akathisia radiating from my chest, agitation, terror, anxiety, increased twitching, and instantly put into a state of depersonalization where i became unable to think with any clarity. I felt as though i needed to run up and down the hospital hallways but i was too terrified to even speak to my mother and the benadryl was making my body weak and drowsy. the attending came back and asked how i was feeling, I wanted to get the hell out of there so i told them better. after i was discharged we drove back to my brother's place where i unsuccessfully tried to sleep off the meds. I woke the next day still feeling high as i called it at the time. after we came back home I had a panic attack over not being able to unwind to sleep. I just couldn't relax and sit still. so i took more benadryl which did nothing and i researched other people's experiences with compazine. this was both a mistake and a tool as i found out about my experiencing akathisia and depersonalization. i kept waiting for the drugs to wear off but weeks went by and there was not change. I went back to my psychiatrist and he said that the compazine would eventually work its way out of my system. its been 2 months since the IV compazine and 3 months since i weaned off the lexapro and things have only gotten worse. i still felt mentally sound after i came of the lexapro despite the physical symptoms everything changed when i was given the compazine. everyday now is a struggle. I cannot be a functioning member of society in this state, my sleep has now become affected, it feels like im in an initial state of sleep and staring at my eyelids. im constantly uncomfortable and few things are helping me cope. this experience has taught me about the true harm of psychotropics. I wouldve never thought the lexapro was actually causing my lyme disease symptoms. my question is, has anyone experienced a recovery from compazine and or lexapro or acute drug induced akathisia and depersonalization??? since drugs got me here in the first place i plan to ride things out as long as i can on my own, are there any supplements worth taking to help ease or heal me? this really is what hell on earth feels like. if you read all of my story, thanks for your interest.

Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!

Hi All, Firstly thanks for the excellent site and taking the time to review my post. History is long, so in the interest of time, 20 yrs on SSRI's (i've tried virtually all but had most luck with prozac and lexapro) with a 4 month bout of Remeron (awful w/d not helped by cross taper) and benzo's on/off for 8 years or so. Benzo: I've successfully switched from .5mg of clonazepam/day to 10mg valium and i'm now at 2mg per day. A bit more about this below. SSRI: Was on 20 mg for celexa for the last several months but completely zombified so decided it's finally time to be done with this sh1t I dropped relatively quickly per docs orders with really no impact down to 5mg celexa completely stopping the celexa and valium on May 1. Started 10 mg prozac only May 1, by May 4 really awful DR with anxiety, inability to focus, sleeplesness, headaches. Reinstated 1-2 mg valium which helped a little bit. Yesterday i tested the waters and dropped the prozac down to 5 mg to see if agitation was from that which resulted in bad anxiety, chills,and shaking. Took the other 5 g prozac and an additional 1mg valium which helped a bit. Today slightly better back at 10mg prozac and 2mg valium in the morning. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow and really don't know what to do and not sure i trust his opinion frankly but do believe he will be fine with what i recommend. I consider these the following my options: 1.) Reinstate celexa at last dose (5mg?), drop prozac entirely after a week or 2, and keep valium, then micro taper off at 10% per 3 weeks or so. 2.) Hold steady on prozac and valium for awhile (how long?) then micro taper 3.) Something else? Any thoughts are much appreciated and i apologize for any incoherence in this post but just got back from work trip and wanted to get this out there for the educated folks to review asap. Many thanks for any input and your time!!! methuselah

I have been on Lexapro going on seven weeks. I took it for a nervous system out of balance. The med gave me horrible side effects. If I want to start a taper, I need to go the 10% decrease?

I'm supporting my husband in his journey withdrawing from AD and Benzos. My apologies for the length of the story but as an introduction it paints a better picture for giving advice. He is a 77 year old male in excellent physical health and until last year in good mental health. He has always been on the anxious side but it was specific to travel and feeling out of his comfort zone while away from home. He had been working with a therapist to address anxiety related to travel and felt he was getting a handle on some strategies to deal with some of his fears. In early 2022 he lost 2 very close friends within a few months. Both friends were part of a pipe band that he has been involved with for 40 years. One friend, in his mid 50's, was the pipe major and so the band became somewhat rudderless after being a going concern. He found all of this very stressful and began experiencing some anxiety any time the pipe band was part of a conversation. In early May a second band member passed away and days after his funeral we travelled from Canada to visit family in the UK. At this time he was taking Lorazepam PRN only to deal with travel anxiety e.g. while at the airport and the same on return so, very rarely. Part of our vacation included a trip to Crete with my siblings and their spouses. While in Crete he became more anxious as the days went on and one day experienced a panic attack. From then on his anxiety increased fearing this could happen again at any time. By the time we were due to fly home to Canada he was anxious every day. Upon returning home he made an appointment with his GP who suggested Wellbutrin 150mg to deal with the anxiety. After one week of steadily increasing anxiety and nausea the GP switched him to Buspar 10mg BID and recommended an appointment with a psychiatrist to review his symptoms and medication. The psychiatrist diagnosed GAD increased the dose of Buspar to 10mg TID. Two weeks into the dose increase his anxiety and nausea were increasing to a severe level and once again and he was taking .5mg Lorazepam more often, sometimes several days in a row to ease the anxiety. In consultation with his GP he decreased the Buspar back down to 10mg BID with the idea to cross taper onto Mirtazapine 30mg. All of this trial and error of medication was happening during the month of August while we were hosting 10 visitors from the UK which in itself caused significant stress and anxiety. By the end of September he had been on Mirtazapine 30 mg for about 6 weeks. He was experiencing occasional nausea and anxiety but much improved from when he started taking the medication. In the middle of October we travelled to Morocco. Travel triggered his anxiety and the Mirtazapine didn't seem to relieve it so he began to need Lorazepam again to deal with this. During our trip we both got Covid. He was not very sick and only experienced mild flu like symptoms for a few days. He began to have trouble sleeping and took Melatonin to help with this. Unfortunately, this caused bizarre nightmares. After Covid he began to experience a burning sensation across his neck and shoulders and sometimes across his chest. He began to be quite agitated, restless, and his anxiety got much worse. November and the beginning of December were relatively stable with anxiety, nausea and burning sensations occasionally but not all the time. In January his symptoms became more frequent and more intense and he talked with his GP about coming off Mirtazapine as it was definitely not helping and possibly making things worse. His Dr agreed and suggested a taper that we now know was way too fast. Coupled with the addition of Lexapro and Quetiapine as aids to withdrawal he was now dealiing with side effects from the added meds and withdrawal from the Mirtazapine all at the same time. Here is a brief summary of the meds taken: May 2022 - panic attacks and GAD. Rx Lorazepam .5 mg PRN for anxiety until March 2023 June 1 Dr prescribed Wellbutrin 150mg June 13 Dr switched Buspar 10 mg BID - Psych Increased dose to 10 mg TID Aug 9-Feb 8 Dr switched to Mirtazapine 30 mg Below is a brief timeline of the withdrawal process from the GP: Feb 9-16 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 5 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID Feb 16-22 Mirtazapine 15 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75 mg in pm Feb 23- Mar 1 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, Seroquel 50 mg in am, 75mg in pm Mar 2-16 Mirtazapine 7.5 mg Tapered Lexapro and Seroquel concurrently March 17-19, Mirtazapine 5.6 mg, Seroquel 25 mg BID March 20-26, Mirtazapine to 3.75 mg, Clonazepam 25 mg BID March 27-April 2, Clonazepam 25 mg BID April 3-May 3 Tapered Clonazepam May 3 no drugs He has not taken any medication since the beginning of May and is a little more than 7 months into withdrawal from all drugs. At this point it is impossible to know which of the drugs are causing the symptoms. He continues to suffer from insomnia and has some nights when he gets of a few hours of broken sleep and then he'll have a good night of 7 hours. He has become anxious around the amount of sleep he gets. He has developed social anxiety even to the point of visiting our children and grandchildren and suffers extreme chest tightness and anxiety at the thought of socializing. Interestingly, when he's actually visiting with people he does quite well. Likewise, he experiences the same symptoms if he needs to be in the car for longer than about 15 minutes although he is able to drive, go to the supermarket and do daily activities without too much discomfort. Sometimes he will wake and complain of "flu like" symptoms where he feels like he has a temperature but he doesn't. He has trouble with temperature regulation and is often very hot or too cold. He has experienced a couple of weeks about a month ago when his symptoms were a little less intense than they are now but just recently they seem to have ramped up once again. On a daily basis his symptoms include anxiety, chest tightness, feelings of hot and cold waves, agitation, restlessness, fear, and depression. The symptoms change in intensity throughout the day and a trigger can cause a sudden spike in intensity from mild to severe. Hi symptoms tend to get worse during the day until around dinner time then gradually subside during the evening until they are almost gone at the end of the day. We have recently sent of for some genetic testing as it would be interesting to see whether any of the medications he has taken might have been contraindicated based on his genetic profile. We're not sure what we will do with this information once it is available in the next few days. Perhaps, should he consider taking a different AD down the road, this information may serve to inform that decision. Based on his experience with ADs so far I would think this would be unlikely. However, the one thing no one can tell us is whether the symptoms he is experiencing at 7 months off a relatively low dose of Mirtazapine for a short period of time are from withdrawal or a worsening of his previous anxiety. How long do you wait in the hope that is the case? Does he look at the possibility of yet another AD? He is becoming more depressed by his constant symptoms on a daily basis. Doing nothing but waiting it out seems futile. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Background: I got put on 10mg Lexapro at age 30 right at 8 years ago because I randomly started having anxiety attacks for a week or two and had no idea why as I had never had depression or anxiety issues before that. Last year I decided I wanted off because I started to notice looking back for that a few years I had been dealing with fatigue and emotional blunting. I also noticed it was harder for me to learn new things (I was really smart in my younger years) and I would always forget fairly easy words in the middle of my sentences. It was quite weird, but I wanted off needless to say. I weaned off from 10mg down to 5mg and then 2.5mg over the course of 2 or 3 months. About 2 weeks after discontinuing completely (October 3rd) I had a rough 3 or 4 days of overwhelming anxiety and depression. It subsided and things got better. Then it hit me again for 4 or 5 days. Then subsided. Then hit me again for just under 2 weeks in mid December. Then subsided again. Now it is just hitting me again the last 3 days. This is a constant anxiety/depression where I am in constant fight or flight mode and just absolutely miserable. It is hard to get through my day at work and it is also hard to get to sleep at night and I've lost all excitement for anything and always tired. Its been around 1 month in total of bad days over the past 3 months. I just want it to be over. My question is: Would going back on a low dosage of 5mg of Lexapro for a bit and then try weaning off much slower while going to therapy be a good idea? Has anybody been in this situation and navigated your way through it successfully? Any advice here would be greatly appreciated. Just to add: In 8 days I am going on a 10 day trip to Mexico/Honduras with a woman I really care about and I am even finding it hard to get excited about this trip. I'm worried I will be fighting my fight or flight modes while there with her and completely ruining things. HELP!

Hi All, I've been having an incredibly tough time with getting off Lexapro (15mg). Ended up panicking after a month of reduction (12.5mg started in April, 2023) and reinstated at my last dose (15mg May 2023). This seemed to reverse any progress I made and probably made the WD symptoms worse than before. Now I have been holding at the 15mg for over 2 months and have seen some improvement but now am starting to get worse again. Would it be worth starting a slow taper again even with some residual symptoms. The physical side effects are really affecting me. The symptoms I am most bothered by are eye related, (eye floaters, blurry vision, snow, eye discomfort, eye twitches), heightened anxiety, high blood pressure, panic attacks. Symptoms I had when switching doses and that have subsided include, dizziness, tinnitus, nausea, headaches, muscle tremors, spasms. I was stable on them for 3 years and when going down to the 12.5 within a few days all the side effects starting to hit me originally.

I've been on 20mg lexapro for 2 to 2 1/2 years. I talked to my doctor about weaning off. I went from 20mg to 15 to 10. Each drop I did for 3 months. Everything seemed OK until, At the end of my 10mg for 3 months when I was about to drop down. My insomnia started, muscle aches, flu like symptoms. so I'm staying at 10 till I level out 🙏. It's been a week and a half with insomnia, some days glimpses of sleep. If I get tired it's usually an hour or so before I get up. Also Is it normal to start withdrawal symptoms a few months after weaning down some? Will this get better? 🤔 any experience? Hope? I could really use support, Thanks

Moderator note - link to benzo forum thread - Frogie: W/D from Xanax am new here as you can see. I need help!! I'm hoping someone can help me get off 10 mg Lexapro. Every time I try to drop to even 9mg, I end up sick to my stomach. I go back up to 10mg and am still sick to my stomach. I have no other symptoms. In my profile is all my information, I don't know how to get it to the bottom of this page. I'm not very good on the computer. Sorry

Hi there! Today is the 13th day of the rest of my life! I am 27 years old and have been on 20mg escitalopram for 5 years but still cant spell it ! I just got introduced to the existential crisis that is learning that SSRIs have almost no proven efficacy and are extremely hard to withdraw from . Neat! I've been wanting to stop my meds for the last 4 years, tried twice but each time the doctors told me to quit basically CT and I had to reinstate my original dose due to withdrawal after 1 week at the lower dose. The second time I tried to supplement my tapering with mushrooms (chaga, lions mane and psylocibin) but it didn't help. I would say my withdrawal symptoms both times were 'mild' and I was luckily able to feel back to normal a few days after reinstating my original dose. Now I am tapering much slower, following the recommened 10% drop. I got a compounding pharmacy to make me a 1mg/ml suspension of escitalopram. I have been on 18mg escitalopram (15mg via pill and 3mg liquid) for almost 2 weeks now and have had no withdrawal symptoms!!!!!!!! Thank you to everyone who developed and shared this method. Thank you so so much. I thought I would be on these meds for the rest of my life after my last attempt to withdraw. Like many here, I have been doing a lot of my own research now before I started to taper again. So far I have read: Anatomy of an Epidemic-Robert Whitaker Mind Fixers-Anne Harrington The Antidepressant Solution-Joseph Glenmullen Currently reading: The Emperor's New Drugs-Irving Kirsch The Myth of the Chemical Cure-Joanna Moncrieff QUESTION: I am going to go the full month at 18mg before dropping again. My question tho is that since I have not had withdrawal symptoms with a 10% drop (so far, 2 weeks in, hoping this will stay true!) is it possible for me to try to drop a little bit more next month, say 15%? In the past when doctors dropped me 50%, I felt off but not terrible, and was able to go back to baseline of feeling fine after reinstating my previous dose. Another question is that if I feel no withdrawal now after 2 weeks at lower dose, does this bode well for that to remain to be the case?

Hello everybody my names Rico, I’m currently going through severe withdraw from lexapro, almost identical to what the founder of this page whent through, to the point I’m so hypersensitive to everything including vitamins I can’t even take caffeine or I will have intrusive thoughts for days and wake up with anxiety or to the point where I could take 1 small shot or sip of alcohol and have headaches for days, my tolerance to everything is insanely low, I don’t know how much longer I can hold on guys my brain feels like scrambled eggs and I’m in constant pain mentally is anyone else going through something similar and has anyone else here had success with curing this?

I have been on the complete cancellation of xanaks for 6.5 months, and my psychological symptoms are driving me crazy, I restored taking cipralex 4 months ago at a dose of 20mg. Before that, I took it for 6 years at a dose of 10 mg. He helped me, I lived a full life, then I also took xanaks, on average 0.5 mg per day for sleep. Now I feel like a soulless person, I have completely no emotions, there is a slight fear, slight anger due to hopelessness, it seems to me that I am doomed, male libido has decreased very much, + anxiety at times. Sometimes my condition improves, there were 4 days of a great window, I even thought I was recovering 100%. I was wrong. Windows and waves appear and disappear in a cycle that is incomprehensible to me, this also applies to increased depression and anxiety, etc. I am very interested in whether a smaller dose of AD can work better in my condition? By partially returning emotions? Today I decided to lower the dose from 20 mg to 18 mg. To understand what will change. I am very concerned about this topic. I'm not completely ready. To leave cipralex until I recover from benzo, but due to the fact that my libido is so much depressed, as well as motivation for life, I do not see a future, anhedonia drives me crazy. Now I have more or less normal sleep from 6-8 hours. I wouldn't want to lose him. But due to the lack of libido, it seems to me that my depression is getting worse, although sometimes everything more or less returns and I feel normal, about 70%. While I'm setting the task, reduce the dose of cipralex to 10mg. And see how I'll feel. Do you think this is possible? Without serious consequences. I've been through a lot during these 6.5 months that I want a little peace. I will be very grateful for your support and advice. Thanks. Sorry, I do not know English, and I have to translate the text through a translator, I apologize for the mistakes.

Hello, I have been on Lexapro for almost 19 years—only off one year was I was pregnant with my firstborn. After 10 years of being on Lexapro (10mg), after dealing with my mother’s death and a newborn baby, I had developed insomnia and anxiety and was put on Trazodone (100 mg) and then later klonopin .5mg taken as needed. Been taking Trazodone for about 8 years now and klonopin on and off for 5. in January of this year after following my doctor’s advice, I tapered lexapro over the course of 6 weeks. Well, obviously it was too quick and hell broke loose shortly after I March. Along with crippling anxiety, panic, crying spells, body jolts, depression ,depersonalization, etc., my biggest and most prominent symptom has been insomnia. Most of the week I sleep a broken 1-4 hours. If I’m lucky, one night a week I will crash and sleep for 8-9 hours. I take klonopin only twice a week max if I hadn’t slept in days and I’m getting in a really bad place (I know this is not optimal, but I feel I’m out of options.) I must note that I also stopped taking my birth control pills at this time, as well and not sure if lack of hormone are also contributing to insomnia. I had reinstated at 2.5 at the end of March, and thought I was feeling okay but May even though my sleep was still off, so foolishly I dropped to 2.2mg. When this happened, I lost all control and had to go back up to 2.4 after 6 weeks of hell and no signs of stabilization. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve been at 2.4 and my sleep is as bad as ever. I read horror stories about people’s sleep never returning or it taking years. I’ve already been dealing with this for 6 months. I have tried everything from magnesium to melatonin to glycine to weighted blankets and black out curtains—nothing works. Am I doomed to never sleep again? Every area of my life has been affected by this…my marriage, my children, friends, work, etc. I feel like I’m really losing myself and feeling pretty hopeless.

Hi all, Our 23 year old son (1/2 Asian) has autism and was thought to be profoundly mentally retarded but learned how to communicate by pointing at letters on a board and it seems it's more a motor planning issue because he's actually fairly "normal" inside. In fact one of the first things he requested to do was have a beer w his friends. So the SECOND thing he wanted to do was try an SSRI becasue anxiety and aggression and this weird "stim" (tic) he has where he walks backwards a few steps them he's out then walks forward again + apparently Temple Grandin has an extra large amygdala + said SSRIs saved her life. So his internist put him on 5 mg Lexapro. He didn't feel anything and still wanted to do thinkgs like have a beer so he decided to go off them--his Dr. said it was such a small dose and he'd only beenon it 10 days so just stop. Well--he almost immediately had a huge psychotic break where he destroyed property and also tried to push my husband out a window and had some crazy self injury (like he re-chipped a tooth we'd JUST had fixed) and because he could communicate (when we could get near him) he had tons of suicidal ideation. He thought we should hospitalize him because he was afraid he was going to hurt dad--he had these weird fantasies/urges that he HAD to see him bleeding (!!!) It also messed up his gut because he was vomiting all the time, said his stomach hurt. Also had brain zaps. We lived through all this and after 2 years he is still not back to where he was in fact he now has really bad OCD--like he hurt his hand trying to open a car door that was locked, he broke a finger (different hand) while having a meltdown. He's so mad this has happened to him and it's a little depressing to feel like his brain his broken. We have an excellent neurologist who has been helping us both with beta blockers and natural supplements. E.g., high dose cod liver oil helped the brain zaps a lot (he's done with those). But we want to help him heal and at least get back to baseline. I think the autistic kids are just so sensitive! ------------------------ June 2022 started Lexapro 5 mg for 10 days, felt noting Inadvertently stopped CT after 10 days because doctor told us to total nighmare since July 2023 started Naltrexone 50 mg and pronanolol bid RXed by his neurologist is helping the aggression

Hello all, My name is Alex and I was prescribed 1/2 x 10mg Escitalopram (Cipralex), 0.5 x Clonazepam (Rivotril aka Klonopin) for about 5 months now, for mostly anxiety. After already 2 months I hit tolerance / dependence with Clonazepam and from that point, for the little I knew, I should have give up on it, but my psychiatrist pushed it even more from 3/4 to 1 (0.5 Clonazepam). Clonazepam is the "horror" benzo of them all, but I did not knew back then and would have been fantastic if I removed it since month 2, instead of keep it in 3 more months. Escitalopram did not help me either, as if it had did, I would not been feeling worse after 5 months, than I was in the first place before taking the medicine. I really I very sad of my decision to actually go to the psychiatrist in the first place, but I did now knew much then. As I know now, the symptoms that I had then where really easy compared to the ones I have now (after 5 months of "treatment"). But that is what usually people do, driven by fear, instead of actually be a little realist and powerful and first, at least, document yourself of what you are doing in the first place. I have found At last a life book, by Paul David and I can say it's a life saver for the anxiety suffering people out there, but I just found it 3 weeks ago, after that I decided to start tapper the benzo. All this being said I am now on this schedule of benzo withdrawal attached in the picture. Unfortunately I got to 0.3 from 0.5 in 3 weeks instead of 8 and I feel quite a lot of withdrawal symptoms ( mild depression, mild / intermediate anxiety (but much longer than before), mild headaches, dizziness, mild blurred vision. I thought as I was just 5 months on these 2 drugs would make it to a fast withdrawal, now I know it is not the case and I need to listen to my body. Will hold benzo for now at 0.3 to stabilize. The big question is : Should I start the Escitalopram taper as well ? I read a lot already on the forum and I see usually people take it 1 by 1. Of course I asked a psychiatrist of tapering both at the same time and she said if I do it slow it's ok as I did not took them for long time and the doze is quite small. But I know you guys know better and would be much appreciated if you give me a hint here. So a small taper from the 1/2 x 10 mg Escitalopram , like 10-20% each month at the same time with the benzo taper would make sense ? Of course I will try to listen to my body / brain response, but I am unsure how much time will be needed to feel the withdrawal from Escitalopram, from Clonazepam is easy, in 2-3 days you feel the "response" of the cut, because of the 18-50 hours lifetime of it. Cheers !

Hi everyone, I am new to this site and am glad to have found it. Twelve years ago when I was 14 years old I was put onto Cipralex 20 mg once a day. I have been on that medication since until last month when I officially tapered off and my doctor put me on Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day. It has not been until recently that I’ve read about lasting permanent effects on personality, mood, and behaviour from being on antidepressants for so long. Especially for someone such as myself who was on it from 14 years old to 26 years old while my brain was developing. I am beyond concerned with what this may have done to me and feel helpless and unsure of what to do or where to go from here. I’m not even sure where to begin to look on this site. I have felt “monotone,” blank and emotionless for the past probably 4-5 years, which was one of the reasons I wanted to discontinue Cipralex. It’s like I can no longer feel any range of emotion. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuinely happy or genuinely sad. I used to be so energetic, bubbly, outgoing, and silly, I could light up a room and now it’s like that part of myself is gone—extinguished or muffled. I can feel nothing other than “flat” every single day. There are no ups or downs, so it’s not just anhedonia but I can’t feel sadness or anger either. I believe this is sometimes called emotional blunting? I’m wondering if this will ever go away and if I will ever feel like I did when I was 14-18 again. This emotional numbness feels like a death sentence. When I research online it says emotional blunting should be reversed once off of SSRIs but I am concerned maybe that will not be the case for me seeing as though I was on the medication for 10+ years and during critical brain development. I guess I can feel some sadness because thinking about being emotionally blunted forever makes me want to cry. I long to feel strongly about anything again. I would love to hear other’s stories about coming off of Cipralex/Lexapro/Escitalopram after 10+ years during peak developmental brain years and their experiences with managing this emotional numbness and if any sense of normalcy ever returned to them. Ideally I would like to eventually come off of Wellbutrin too. After being on Cipralex for so long and experiencing the side effects I had while on it, I’m concerned about being on any antidepressants now.

Hi, I’ve so desperately been awaiting the acceptance of new members. As my title states, I have accidentally kindled myself and am looking for support. I had been on Lexapro 10mg from Sept 2013 - Jan 2023. I was put on it to help my dysautonomia/POTS. It helped for a long time, but in the later years I would have break through “episodes”. Now that I know more about SSRIs from this site, I’m not sure if they were POTS related or breakthrough anxiety from getting to tolerance on the Lexapro. In 2022 I started feeling depression, which was something I had never experienced prior to being on Lexapro. I had always experienced more anxiety. I was also not as loving as I thought I should be towards my kids, so I made the decision to wean myself off in Jan 2023. I thought I had done adequate research and decided on a slow taper that lasted until April 2023, but I now know after finding this site that was still way too quick. I didn’t seem to have any immediate withdrawal symptoms. I do remember the occasional brain zap, not but they would subside before I continued to lower my dose, so I thought I was being careful. I rocked along, managing my waves of anxiety and irritability until July 2023 when the insomnia hit. At the time I was concerned I had other issues going on and didn’t realize it could be protracted withdrawal. When my old go-to’s of magnesium and ashwagandha weren’t working, and were in fact causing the opposite reaction I needed, I had no idea that the Lexapro withdrawal could be causing hypersensitivity. I worked with a naturopath (I have severe trust issues with western medicine, although I’m an RN) to try and correct any underlying problems. She suggested several supplements, which I tried. Some would work for a while and then I would become hypertensive to them or have paradoxical reactions. On Nov. 7th I accepted a full time position at the previous job I had been at and hated due to how stressful it was. The next day I was having a full on meltdown and decided I needed to get back on my Lexapro. I stupidly went to an urgent care and asked for my previous 10mg dose and they gladly gave it to me since I had tolerated it well before. On Nov. 8th I took my first dose before bed (as that’s when I used to take it) and woke up with an intense panic attack. My anxiety had intensified 10 fold the next day and I had akathisia. I decreased to 5mg for the next 3 days thinking it was too much for my system, but it was still too much for my fragile nervous system. It sent my POTS into an awful flare. I couldn’t eat without my heart rate spiking. I stopped it on Nov 12th. In those 4 days I went to a mental health nurse practitioner and she gave me vistaril for the insomnia and Xanax 0.5mg for break through panic. She also wanted to swap me to Paxil, but I was too afraid to try another SSRI. Thank God for the intuition not to try it. I took the vistaril but it made me too groggy the next day and didn’t really help with sleep. I started taking the Xanax at bedtime and it would give me about a 4 hour window of sleep. I took about 20-25 of those before I stopped and threw them away. My health anxiety was back with a vengeance. I went to a new primary doctor on Dec. 5th. He ran a whole bunch of labs that all came back normal and convinced me I really needed to be on the Lexapro. I agreed to try it back at an even lower dose and using the previous manufacture I had used in the past (part of me was convinced I hadn’t tolerated the Lexapro in Nov due to fillers in the pills). I started Lexapro 2.5mg on Dec. 5th around noon. I did ok on it for several days. I was having waves and windows of increased anxiety but was telling myself I just needed to push through it, but on Dec. 10th I determined what I was experiencing was more than just side affects. I was having an adverse reaction - increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, dilated pupils, severe anxiety, weakness. I could barely get off the couch that day. I had to go to my son’s Christmas program that night and almost couldn’t drive. I did, but probably shouldn’t have. The following day my husband and I had a long discussion and decided I needed to stop it. My last dose was on Dec. 10th. On December 12th my heart rate was in the 130s walking around (not sure if that was my POTS flare or withdrawal) and I went to see my cardiologist and was put on propranolol 20mg. Since then I’ve been in hell. My vision is blurry and I’m super sensitive to brightness. I’m dizzy most of the day. I’ve got brain fog and my brain literally hurts when trying to think and multitask. I lost about 15lbs in the time I started the Lexapro back in Nov until now due to nausea and lack of appetite. I’ve started a low histamine diet because my histamine levels are out of control and are making the anxiety worse. Sleep is not as bad as it has been, but it’s still not normal. I wake about every 1.5hrs through the night and don’t feel rested in the morning. I get severe DR/DP sometimes and it scares me to death. I’m supposed to start a new job tomorrow. During all of this I was supposed to work out a notice at my old job, but after calling in for a week I just told them I wouldn’t be able to. I’ve been off work for 3 weeks. I have to young children to care for. I’m just so scared. I don’t know what is withdrawal or what is my POTS flare anymore. I’m supposed to follow up with a dysautonomia specialist near me but I’m afraid they’ll just want to put me on more meds and my nervous system is already super sensitive. Has anyone had a similar story to mine? I haven’t come across any yet on here. I do know I’ve slowly been getting better since I stopped, so I know being off the Lexapro is the answer, but I still struggle with severe waves multiple times a day. If it weren’t for my supportive husband and the grace of God, I don’t know where I’d be. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Any advice or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Starting Dosage: 20mg Escitalopram & 300mg Bupropion Background: I started escitalopram when I was 30 years old. A added bupropion at 35 years old. I've been on both daily for the past 15 years. I started to taper Bupropion from 300mg to 150mg 2 months ago. Then for the past three weeks I've been halving a 150mg tablet for a 75mg dose daily. Questions: I heard Bupropion would be the easiest to stop, but I definitely felt a change in my mood when I dropped the dose. Since bupropion is an extended release tablet, I was reluctant to cut the tablet, but my Psychiatrist told me it was fine for tapering. I have a few questions: Is it really ok to cut the bupropion extended release tablets? Is bupropion usually easier to stop? I'm really discouraged by the change in my mood. When does it get better? How can I use this site for encouragement and advice? It's so extensive and detailed, I struggle to use the site. I get overwhelmed. Josh - from Seattle, living in Mexico

Hello! I am 34 year old female from the US and I have been taking escitalopram (Lexapro) for 1 year and 2 months for depression and anxiety. This is the only drug I am prescribed, the only drug I am on, and I don't use alcohol or other drugs. From 25-31 or 32 I was a pretty heavy drinker. I got on Lexapro at 33 (Sept 2022) due to severe anxiety and depression. I recently signed up for health insurance, but at the time of Lexapro being prescribed (10 mg), I didn't have any and I just signed up for an app called K health that a doctor prescribes you meds through a chat ( I know right). I felt in the first few months of taking Lexapro that it helped. The anxiety was completely gone, the depression was mostly gone and it was pretty much a miracle, I was really happy. Then I realized after being on 10 mg for a while its a really large dose and makes me hyper and manic ,and needing to do something all the time, which really wasn't a terrible thing, but that isn't how I want to be. I was also overly confident and mean to other people in my life. I couldn't really settle down. So after my first few months on 10 mg I reduced the dose without telling the doctor, I tried for 7.5mg. This was probably December of 2022 At this time, I was biting off the pills into what I thought was 7.5mg. So I took this for a bit and it wasn't working for me so I upped the dose while biting off the pills into what I thought was 8.5 or 9 mg. At the time I was stupid and didn't know how inaccurate I was being. When I was taking "8.5 or 9 mg" I had some pretty good days, but also, a lot things were going right in life at the time. After a while of this, I felt too hyper and manic and restless and I knew I needed to cut back (July 2023). I got a scale and it turned out I was taking much more than what I thought I was taking. I was actually taking about 10 mg, what I was prescribed. In July I reduced to 7.5, not knowing this is a huge cut and not to do that. Anyways the whole month of July was pure hell, I could hardly get out of bed, hardly do anything but work and lay down after. I work from home too, thank God, or I would have lost my job. But this is really taxing still, when you are weaning off drugs. The worst part is the intrusive thoughts about suicide, not knowing if they are even real thoughts are just self harm OCD, not finding joy in things anymore, getting older and having relationship strain due to how poorly I act on these drugs, whether on the full dose or tapering, I have a short fuse or I can't even hardly function. FYI I eat healthy, I meal prep the whole week on Sundays, I take several vitamins and supplements including the ones I see recommended here, magnesium and fish oil, I jog on the treadmill for 1/2 hour 5 days a week. My AM cortisol is really high according to a lab test I got recently. I also have low (but not severely low)vitamin D but ok Vitamin B12. So in August I upped my dose back to 8.5 mg and felt fine for a little while and I was relieved because I thought I could start a normal taper from there. This is when I found this forum and began reading it almost every day to try and gain knowledge and encouragement. SO this comes up to .113 g on the scale due to fillers in the pills. After I stablized on the .113g, maybe a few weeks or a month, I tried out .110g and later .108 g etc, (8.3mg or so) to see if I could tolerate these reductions and there were SOME good days but they were few and far between and they really only happened when I had proper sleep. Most days I wake up dreading life because my job bores the hell out of me, I have to take lexapro in the morning which makes me hate myself, my intrusive thoughts about suicide and death and people dying come in while I work, all while having a poor short term memory,a short fuse, being inattentive, sluggish and having brain fog. I take forever to get out of bed. After a little while on .108 mg I upped back to .111mg because I can't even handle the slightest reduction. I want to be on a clear cut schedule, but I don't really understand the spreadsheets on here, and I want to talk to a doctor about the liquid form of Lexapro for an easier taper, but my insurance doesn't kick in til January, For now Im still using a scale and cutting up pills every day to make the right dose. I feel like this drug and my intrusive thoughts have completely ruined my life, also I have numb lower legs and feet and I have no clue why. I feel I am in shape and physically well but not mentally well at all and it contributes to my physical health. I need so much sleep its embarrassing, it takes me forever to want to do something, to drag myself to the grocery store, I don't really like eating, cooking, or doing much anymore. I can't go on vacations like I used to, I still force myself to though occasionally, through panic and everything. My family says I am not acting right, random people in public have asked if I am ok so I must look mental or something. Is it me or the drug? I am scared of my thoughts and scared that I can never really come off this. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I went on Lexapro 10mg in October of 2020 after having a severe panic attack (caused by marijuana) that would not leave. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and had constant OCD thoughts of breathing. After waking up the next day with the same feeling, I went to the ER and then my doctor put me on 10mg of Lexapro. Within a few days I felt even more awful, so my dr told me to go to 20mg. Slowly that worked. I can’t remember specifics but the panic attacks finally stopped months and months later. I went to therapy as well and learned some techniques. It worked really well for me for over 2 years. Then one day my sister visited and said I seemed off, almost “too chill” and numb. This opened my eyes to the (lack of) feelings I had and were overlooking. I decided in November 2022 that I would begin to taper and hopefully get off completely. I was able to manage my anxiety now and simply think away panic attacks. The ED and weight gain were HUGE factors in why I ultimately decided I wanted off. This was my taper: 20mg 11/2020 Taper started, 15mg - 11/16/22 10mg - 11/30/22 7.5mg - 1/24/22 5mg - 2/26/22 2.5 mg - 3/12/22 0 mg - 4/9/23 I felt great at 15mg. I was angry a lot though, but it felt good to feel. 10mg I felt fine as well. Around 7.5mg is where I could cry at movies again, but also when anxiety somewhat felt more real, I was in my head a lot about what I should be expecting. Read horror stories online and what not. At 0mg I felt very depressed for a couple of weeks and the depression caused anxiety. It came and went though. However 3 weeks in, my breathing OCD came back and it was very upsetting. No panic, just annoyed at the intrusive thoughts. About 2 months in panic started to show. 2.5 months in I had a couple full panic attacks and I am now every day fighting that general anxious feeling. I’m back to the feelings I had that made me take Lexapro in the first place. EVERY time I get anxious I wonder if I should start Lexapro again. Part of me wonders if I’m just a panic prone/ocd kinda person, and now that the Lexapro is out of my system my symptoms are back, or if this is also withdrawal still. I read online that symptoms get WORSE 3 months out and I am truly terrified and very close to starting Lexapro again if it gets worse than this, despite having made it almost 3 months sober from it.

Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

I stopped taking lexapro 5 months ago (was on it for PMDD\ Within the first month I noticed my moods weren't stable. A lot of crying spells. This seemed to clear up quickly but then I started to have digestive issues & food aversions and was diagnosed with GERD. Over the next 2 months the digestive issues worsened and I was unable to eat. I was taking omeprazole 40mg for reflux and it wasn't helping. Tried pantoprazole and also no luck. I ended up having an endoscopy and currently awaiting results. During the 3rd & 4th months post quitting lexapro I began having severe and frequent panic attacks - something I haven't experienced for 10-15 years. At work, in the grocery store, in the car, sitting on a bench at the park, home alone on the couch watching tv. I even called 911 for myself because I didn't know I was having a panic attack and actually thought I was dying. Middle of month 4 into month 5 | have tinnitus so bad it keeps me up at night, even with white noise - never experienced this before. The ringing is so loud and it's 24/7. Sometimes it sounds like dial up internet and sometimes it sounds like just a constant high pitch. Approaching month 6 I don’t sleep well and wake every 1-2 hours. The ringing is still persistent. And the intrusive thoughts of harming myself are becoming unbearable. this is not a relapse. I’ve never been like this. I’m not myself and I’m sure of it. Add a comment GIF

What a Journey it has been... History: Start - 2 months I started Lexapro January 13th of this year due to having anxiety for nearly 10 days strait, it was a gradual build up and more than likely cannabis induced. I was scared, and desperate so decided to take Lexapro even though my wife told me not to. The first dose of only 2.5 milligrams started the nightmare to come. Within 4 hours I had heart palpitations and would break out into a sweat for what felt like no reason at all. I took a total of 4 doses of 2.5mg's until I decided to get off of the medication. Over the next 2 months I lost 20% of my body weight, extreme insomnia, bubble feeling all over my body especially my legs, resting heart rate of 80-110 for what felt like no reason at all (usually 58), massive heart palpitations to the point I could feel my pulse in my feet, Tinnitus, and many other symptoms. I thought my life was over, I was scared to talk to the doctor because she only wanted to give me more drugs. I decided to buckle down and ride it out, and put my faith into God. 3 - 4 Months Were things getting worse? I couldn't tell what was up or down, am I broken? Some days felt better, then a massive wave would swoop in. I did notice that my appetite would come and go in windows and I was able to gain some weight back. Sleep would slowly improve in this span of time however, I had to take Unisom off and on. I would get 2 nights of some type of sleep then one night of insomnia. This is when the sleep zaps started to swing in hard. As soon as I drifted off, I would get hit with what felt like lightning all over my body then go into a sweating fit, then it would follow with fear and strong palpitations. At this point I hadn't found SA so my mind was going wild, I had nothing to ground myself in and simply thought this was my life moving forward. I hard to fight hard not to think suicidal. I would just be up in the middle of the night and look at pictures of my wife and kids from the years past and think I would never feel that type of happy again. But I would pray and He would tell me to not give up, healing was coming 5 - 6 Months This is when I was able to tell myself I was getting better, I would have half days here and there and feel totally normal. In those moments I really told myself to put it into memory (see you are getting better! don't forget this moment). In those moments, when they would come, I started researching online and found this amazing site SA. I would read everything, the bad, the recoveries, the plan of a action, what Windows and Waves were, how to coach your spouse through your recover. I HAD A MAP FORWARD! I got on Magnesium that night, and had the first night of sleep without palpitations! They still came and went in the coming months, but just getting moments without them nearly brought me to tears... This was when I started to really notice improvement. God bless this site, and thank you everyone for sharing your suffering and progress 7 Months - Today Right at the 7 month mark I got a nasty wave, not nearly as bad as the worst days however, I was just getting exhausted of it coming and going. I was ready for the end, but I never gave up. I had a big vacation planned with my little family and really wanted to show them an amazing time, and this wave needed to end before we left in a few days. All I could do was wait and see. The car ride down was so hard, but I never let my family see my suffering, I had to deliver. By the grace of God, once we arrived and we ate dinner, something happened. A weight was lifted off my heart, and I felt a huge shift. I was able to let go and enjoy myself, laugh, play with the kids, smile at my wife while she was cooking dinner, and even enjoy a beer! This marked my big turning point, I wasn't 100% but a big step took place. After vacation I still had little waves here and there, but all manageable. And today I'm happy to be typing this in a great mood and symptom free! My story isn't over, I have more to go, waves will still come but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel and had to share my story. Vitamins and Supplements Magnesium (CVS Brand, 400mlg) Taurine 100mg Medication History Lexapro 2.5mlg for 4 days, then Cold Turnkey