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Hi, everyone! I was taking 60mg Cymbalta for 13 years. I stared on 2011 and on 2013 I was experincing tiredness and sleepiness and was needing constant naps in order to be able to function. I also developed visual snow. -2015 to 2022: I started to gain a lot of weight and was having extreme water retention. At some point, I was at 93 kilos. Nothing I did was helping with the weight. The fatigue and daytime sleepiness persisted. All my tests were normal. I started to feel like the medication had something to do with it so I decided to cut the dose from 60mgs to 30mgs and it was fairly easy. I was able to lose some weight after this reduction and some of my tiredness and daytime sleepiness went away but not completely. A few months later I decided to go from 30mgs to 15mgs over 40 days. I experienced some withdrawal symptoms and a lot of general destabilization on several systems (hormonal and immune), but was able to get over them and stabilize over a 6 month period. I was definitely not the same, but the symptoms were manageable. However, I did start to experience insomnia, so I was occasionally taking Zopiclone to help with that. 2023-2024: I decided to go from 15mg to 0 over 30 days. Initially, I experienced some lightheadedness, irritability, lack of sleep and general overwhelm. After 2 weeks, my sleep started to get worse and I was getting panic attacks here and there. I was waking up out of nowhere at 3 a.m. with extreme irritability. I started taking zopiclone again and that helped. After a couple of weeks, I decided to stop the zopiclone completely. I continued to wake up at 12 and 3 am with some discomfort and any minor sound would wake me up. Some nights I was able to fall back at sleep, while other nights I was unable to do so. I had to quit my job, as I was not tolerating stress at all and felt like I was burning out. 3 months go by and I continue to have the same sleep issues. There were times where I seemed to be stable, but then I would have a reoccurrence of symptoms. I also started to feel tingling and burning sensations on my left hand and foot, and I was also having some speech and memory issues. I was still feeling irritable and having panic attacks here and there. At this point, I was not attributing any of this to the medication since I was med free for 3 months and there was no way this could be withdrawal. I was also fairly energetic (the daytime sleepiness and tiredness went completely away after stopping the medication and I also lost all of the overweight). I wasn’t feeling depressed at all. Just a bit anxious. Then, suddenly, I started to feel really bad and could feel my heart skipping beats here and there. I started to feel extremely anxious and after one night of not being able to sleep, I started to experience panic attacks 24/7. I was having excessive rumination and looping thoughts. I also started to have demonic nightmares and Intrusive thoughts. I was constantly bombarded with adrenaline, my hair was falling out (still is)…. I couldn’t drive or leave the house anymore and I continued to wake up at 12 and 3 a.m. but with extreme panic and a racing heart and what felt like a cortisol discharge/rush. I felt this sensation on my upper abdomen, chest and back. Every new symptom was making everything worse, I was extremely agitated. The burning sensation on my left side became permanent and more intense and trying to relax was impossible. If I was trying to relax and started to fall asleep, a shock like sensation accompanied by a light in my mind’s eye would immediately wake me up with panic. The visual phenomena got so much worse. Sleeping became pretty much impossible and if I ever did sleep I felt like my body was asleep but my mind was completely awake ruminating. Appetite was also completely gone at this point. I was able to endure this for a month and then I just couldn’t do it anymore, I was progressively getting worse…. I started to get suicidal because living like this was simply impossible. I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist, and he said this was because I was having a reoccurrence of "my condition" due to stopping the medication. I told him I never experienced something like this in my life before and he said that it probably had to with the fact that I’m older now (I’m 36). I didn’t believe this, but I was so desperate that I accepted new medication as I didn't want to take Cymbalta ever again. He prescribed 10 mg of Lexapro: I felt immediate relief for some symptoms (they dimineshed in intensity), but it took 3 to 4 weeks to fully feel close to normal again. He also prescriped Klonopin, but I have only taken this when absolutely necessary in a super low dose since I don't need a new medication to withdrawal from. It's been 2 months and a half now and, after doing my research, I’m now understanding that I’m dealing with protracted withdrawal. Wish I knew all of this info sooner! While most of the symptoms are gone, some have stayed: I still wake up one or multiple times at night with this weird feeling on my chest, but it is definitely more tolerable now. I get an intrusive thought and nightmares here and there and the burning sensations are still present but way milder. Somedays, I can’t feel them at all, but for the most part, they are still present. I’ve noticed the symptoms get worse around ovulation and continue to be intense for a week or 2 until I get my period. Part of me wants to stay on this medication since I don’t ever want to live in a horror movie again and I'm stable overall, but, unfortunately, the daytime sleepiness and tiredness I used to get from Cymbalta are back. I’m now also realizing that I had other symptoms that were caused by the medication that I never attributed to it, like heart palpitations after eating, head and back pain, and exercise and heat intolerance. I didn’t have any of these while I was off the medication, but have now returned since taking Lexapro. Unfortunately, I can’t live this way either. It is very hard to be productive when you are feeling sleepy and tired throughout the day and this is where I’m at right now. I'm planning on starting a hyperbolic taper. Of course, I'm scared to live that hell again, but I also can't live feeling sleepy and tired most of the time. What are your thoughts? Thank you all in advance!

I've been on depression and anxiety medication for 20 years. I know I need to get off them. I currently take Effexor XR 150mg and Klonopin 1.5mg daily. I have tried to wean off before with no luck as I started to fear everything in life and started to have panic attacks so I went back to original dose of Effexor two months ago. I recently told my Dr. I wanted to try again and wean off the Effexor first and she prescribed me 37.5mg tablets that are immediate release. I don't know how to divvy these up throughout the day as I am use to the extended release capsule once a day. I was thinking I would take two tablets (75mg) when I wake up, then take 37.5 tablet 4-6 hours later and then 18.75mg 4-6 after that for my first month of tapering. I am lookin for thoughts and suggestions.

Hello, I am here because I am looking for more information on Invega, and I am thinking about the future; of when I may have to come off Invega completely. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia about 12 years ago. I have been on Invega Sustenna for abour 3-4 years now. Maybe longer. I was previously on Zyprexa, Abilify, Geodon, Prolixin, and Haldol. Within the 3-4 years I was on Sustenna, I switched to Trinza ~819 mg, and things were okay, but then I decided to try Cogentin to treat the side effects. I found Cogentin to be helpful, somewhat. Things were going well, so I asked my doctor to reduce my Trinza, and they did. With that, I increased the dosage of Cogentin from 1 mg to 3 mg's once in the morning because I felt the most relief then. That was when I started to hallucinate. I made a call to the crisis hotline one night, and I ended up in the emergency room. It was not a good ordeal. I was delusional the entire time and a security guard threatened to break my arm, along with some other disturbing experiences. I got out about a week later, after they added 9 mg of Paliperidone ER. I was still delusional. I was delusional the entire stay at the emergency room and the inpatient unit. My outpatient doctor believed I needed the extra 9 mg's so I stayed on it. I experienced severe akathisia. The Cogentin was not enough. So, I continued to take 3 mg of Cogentin in the AM, and experimented with higher dosages, up to 4 mg in the AM and 2 mg at noon. I was hallucinating and delusional. Also, my Trinza was increased to the ~819 mg dosage. Nothing helped my delusions and hallucinations. I don't know what caused the hallucinations and delusions, but my doctors think it had to do with the dosage decrease. I think it had to do with the experimenting with Cogentin. They say Cogentin doesn't cause hallucinations. I read online reports that say otherwise, so I don't know what to believe. Today, am tapering off the Cogentin. I am down to 1 mg a day in the AM. I successfully tapered off the 9 mg of Paliperidone ER and I am at the 234 mg dose, because the Trinza wasn't doing the job, so my doctor decided to try Sustenna again. I have been on the 234 mg dose for 5-6 months. One problem though, I get delusional and hallucinate one week before my injection is due. That is what I would like to find out about. Is my injection not lasting long enough? Or is this a problem with antipsychotics and they eventually lose efficacy? As far as treating my akathisia goes, I have found success with L-Theanine. I take 200 mg in the AM, but it gives me the runs, so I may reduce the dosage. L-Theanine has been a huge blessing though. It has helped with the anhedonia, but I don't think it does much for the tremors because I still experience them from time to time. For the tremors, I take magnesium glycinate. 300 mg in the AM and 100 mg at noon. I have seen people say that L-Theanine was not helpful to them at all, so please, be cautious when taking L-Theanine. Try a low dose at first, if you are considering it. That is what I did. I found it helpful, but not helpful enough. tl;dr: I am experiencing relapse symptoms a week before my injection is due. Is my injection not lasting long enough? Or is this a problem with antipsychotics and they eventually lose efficacy?

Hi i weaned myself off Zoloft after 12 years and started getting symptoms so tried to get back on with terrible consequences - panic attacks, burning skin, burning brain and depression. My doctor kept upping the dose and things got worse and worse. She then changed me to Lexapro and that was as bad and she increased me again. She then introduced Mirtazapine. I went up to 30mg Mirtazapine and lowered Lexapro from 15mg to 7.5mg. my symptoms are still terrible. I know it’s not good to substitute for another medicine but I heard lamotrigine can help with withdrawal. Do you have experience with this and would it help me? Thanks

I began my time on meds when I had Postpartum depression in 2009. I was prescribed Escitalopram 20 mg and also was given Clonazepam for anxiety and sleep. I took 2 mg doses. I didn’t know benzos were dangerous so continued to take them pretty regularly for the next 14 years, along with the AD. I finally went into tolerance withdrawal in May of 2023 and had insomnia and anxiety. In July I did a rapid taper and was off the benzo in August. I was also switched from Escitalopram to Sertraline 100 mg, then given more meds to try to help the insomnia-Mirtazapine, Quetiapine, and Trazodone. Nothing really worked. I also took Gabapentin for anxiety. I was taken off all these meds and switched to a combination of Zyprexa and Prozac in October 2023. The Zyprexa has helped with sleep, but I am now tapering it since it’s not a good med to be on long term. Currently at 7 mg. My doctor switched me from Prozac to Trintellix, telling me I could stop the Prozac abruptly and start the new med. My question is, can Prozac safely be stopped abruptly and a new med started? I’m very discouraged and don’t know where to turn. I want to be off all meds as they are not helping. I actually think that the polydrugging plus benzo withdrawal has increased my depression and anxiety.

Hello! I have been on varying doses of venlafaxine since 2001 and after trying to reduce sseveral times have managed to get stuck at 112.5mg, which I've been on for several years. I'm hoping that with the help fo the information on here I can eventually come off it completely. Thanks for reading!

Hi all! So happy to have found this place! I’ve browsed a few posts, and I think I’ve found my people lol! About me- I’m 51 years old, and have been on and off a bunch of psychiatric meds since the 90s. My memory is poor (more on that later), so I can’t remember exact dates, but I have been on Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin and Escitalopram, along with occasional benzos and zopiclone for short periods. Honestly- i wish I had never started taking any of them. Hindsight and a really good therapist has made me realize that many of my choices in life have just not been very congruent with my wants/needs/values etc, leading to some serious cognitive dissonance. I have also experienced severe professional burnout many times, and have some childhood trauma that I had never dealt with. Had I found a good therapist in my 20s, I may have never started taking these drugs. BUT- I am generally a pretty optimistic person, so I am looking forward, and feeling so grateful to have been able to improve my knowledge on withdrawal, so I can do it right this time. I have never tapered slowly. I have always followed my doctors’ advice, and my slowest taper was off of Effexor, and that only took two months. I had little difficulty coming off Wellbutrin, but all the others were awful- restlessness, irritability, brain zaps, bouts of severe depression, tremors, insomnia, extreme sensitivity to light and noise. I most recently started taking 10mg of escitalopram in 2016. I had changed jobs, and was having crippling anxiety about my new role. I didn’t want to start taking it- i had been off of it since before my daughter was born in 2009. But being in a new job, I felt I had to show my employer that I was willing to do anything to get back to work asap. So I started taking it, and took four months off to pull myself together, so to speak. Fast forward to 2020- still on my 10mg of escitalopram. Didn’t want to be, but couldn’t face weaning, and all the withdrawal symptoms. Then the pandemic hit. I work in healthcare, so needless to say, this was a scary time for me. Anxiety peaked, and my doctor increased my dose to 20mg. It didn’t help at all. My anxiety remained high for the next two years… I was just surviving. I was so anxious and burned out, I barely remember anything from that time period. It’s like a bad dream. i finally contracted COVID in June 2022. I was not hospitalized, but was very ill for four weeks. When I finally managed to go back to work, I couldn’t function. Went off on sick leave, and was eventually diagnosed with long COVID. My symptoms have included crippling fatigue, severe right sided headaches, chest pain/pressure, palpitations, severe brain fog, memory issues, internal ‘vibrations’ (for lack of a better term), cyanosis when my heart rate goes over 125 and presyncope. I haven’t worked since August 2022. Over the last two years, I have learned to manage my symptoms fairly well with diet, hydration, additional salt, compression stockings, meditation and my awesome therapist. I started to taper my escitalopram last November, with fairly large dosage cuts… it occurred to me that I’ve done this before, and always ended up right back on the meds. So I started researching how to properly taper, and realized that everything I had done in the past was misguided, and likely caused some long term health issues. So I’ve decided to slow my taper waaaay down, hoping to get off of these drugs for good! Feeling very optimistic! 😁 I am also taking low dose naltrexone 2.5mg for long COVID, estrogel for hot flashes, vitamin D 2000iu/day, B12 1000mcg per day (I’m vegan- no choice on this one!). i think that’s it- in a nutshell… I’ve had more than my share of legit emotional turmoil too, but it’s all just too much to share here. I will say that I’m in a really great emotional place right now, so I feel the time is right to do a proper taper. I look forward to sharing my journey here! 😊

Goodmorning all, Have been looking into this website for 5 years almost and i think it s time to write about me, since this community has been of great help. I have the following questions for who is willing to answer, i would appriciate it a lot. My Story: Always been very healthy and happy guy. In at 24 I move to a nordic european country, far north (on the artic circle )for studing. First year is the best year of my life in terms of mood and happiness, everything is great. Second year, winter is very dark and long (i am from a sunny place all year) and i feel the hit, social life is less due to very short days, and everything combined throw me into a depression. I have been given Escitalopram 20mg, and this was the worst mistake of my life that till that point has been happy and successful. This has literarly changed the course of my life. I get "better" if we can say so, and in 6 months doctor start the tapering. During these 6 months i experience brain zaps, vivid dreams, derealization but still everything is somehow tolerable and i go on to zero. 3 Months after hell brake lose. First i get extremely dizzy for 2 weeks, then total insomnia, and finally strong derealization and mind and thought out of control. I point out to the doctor that these sympotms is nothing like anythin i have experienced during the depression, but it s something completely different. Doctor doesnt agree, says I am still depressed and i start again with 10mg this time. With 2 weeks i get quite better and i am able to go back to work again. This scenario repeats 3 times during the years as you can see from my drug history. Still this thing never convince me, the symptoms i am experienceing are no the depression i had initially but something else regardless what the doctors say. A friend with exactly same problems previously than mine, point me out to the right direction. I start searching and find this website. Everything become clear immediately. I was right all along, and I have been poisoned for 10 years. Feeling of anger and frustration emerge, just for medical incompetence i went through a great deal of pain and had to quit jobs, been unable to feel real feeling etc..but finally i see a way out, at least a hope. I start tapering with the method described here, almost 5 years ago. During these 5 years i experienced windows and waves, as described, with time windows became longer and longer and waves smaller. In the entire 2023 very few waves, starting to have feeling again, i assume finally is over and can move on with my life. At this point i am taking just 0.08mg, and i probably could have gone to zero, but just still going small to be sure. Here comes the wrong decision. I think I am out of it, and I accept a long desired job in another country seduced by the very high salary. I am not married, so i leave my country, friends and move toward a very demanding job in a new life. 1 month into the new job, here comes again the old symptoms i did not experience with this full force since 5 years. This become quite bad again and i have to leave the job and go back home. I have not increased the dose , still hanging at 0.08mg, waiting for the symptoms to stabilize. This is my story till now. My questions are: - Even if the tapering has been quite ok for 5 years, is it possible that just a stressing event can throw the nervous system again out of balance? If so, can anyone estimate how many years the nervous system can take (if ever) to be able to handle any stress again? I am starting to realize that maybe I will be exposed for life to the danger of these symptoms to come back even after long the tapering is ended. - If tapering is over, since let s say 1 or 2 years and things are ok, and suddenly these symptoms come back due to a particular life stressing event, how to handle this? Start again with a smalll dose of the drug?!?!? Please tell me that it s not necessary. As i understand the we will be under this danger for long after tapering has ended - I have been diluiting the escitalopram (Etanol) into water. Was this correct? Just wondering if maybe that was the wrong procedure and the effect i have can be also linked to that. Thanks to all who will answer, hard moment, need some hope. My drug history Jan 2011-Jun 2011 20mg Escitalopram Jun 2011- Dec 2011 First attemp Tapering to zero, after 3 months in April crash down and start again 10 mg April 2012 - March 2015 - 10 mg March 2015 - August 2015 Second attemp to taper to zero, crash down. start again with 5 mg. Aug 2015 - Dec 2017 - 5 mg Jan 2018 - August 2018 third attempt tapering to zero, crash down. Start again with 5 mg Discovered this community and the right way of tapering August 2019 - April 2024 and started tapering 10% , now at 0.08 mg.

Hello all. First time poster here. I have been a member for over a year but never had the nerve to post. I need help. Quick background: Was put on 20mg paxil and .5mg xanax per day around 2006. The xanax was switched to ativan probably around 2011ish. I quit the paxil and ativan c/t end of October 2020. January 2nd 2021 started having extreme unrelenting brain zaps, anxiety, fear, terror, palpitations, inability to sleep....just wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I had quit drinking January 1st and assumed it was that...but I was not that heavy of a drinker. I now believe this was my first experience of withdrawal. Around the 12th day of experiencing this I took 10mg of paxil out of sheer desperation. A couple of hours later it virtually stopped all of the worst symptoms. My nervous system was taxed. I was shaky...but somewhat alright. It took a month or so to feel myself. I stayed on the 10mg. Plus side...I was no longer taking the ativan. Fastforward to January 2023. I attempted to wean down further to 5mg. This was going fine all the way to September 27th when I stopped altogether...again. I could tell my brain was healing and I had plenty of mild symptoms...but I was ok. February 27th 2024...randomly had my heart rate go up to 140 bpm while sitting watching tv. Went to the ER...everything came back fine. "Must be my anxiety I thought". I should note that prior to meds my ocd/generalized anxiety/occasional panic disorder were not what they became ON the meds...hence my realization that they were doing no good if not increasing issues. Anyway...I felt a bit better but then had a root canal this past Monday March 25th. Within a few hours the unrelenting feelings were back like before (in 2021) but even worse. My heart rate was up around 120bpm or so just walking around...lightheaded, dizzy, odd sensations like sounds seemed too loud etc. This horrible sensation of something that begins in my chest like the worst panic sensations you can imagine. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I couldnt go for walks, my heart rate was scaring me. This has gone on for over a week. I relented and took @ 2.5mg of paxil yesterday and @2.5mg today about 24hr apart. There are other symptoms I was feeling but cant remember right now. Within 2 hours the feeling in the core of my body began to melt. It didnt go completely away but it became maybe 3/4 better. Im scared. Im trying...maybe the wrong way but trying. I want this gone. I want this drug gone. Im just trying to stabilize. I dont want to lose my job. My doctor is having heart tests done but doesnt believe its a heart issue. I also, for years...all of which are during the time from first c/t to now have had a feeling like Im not getting full breaths. Pulmonologist says nothing is wrong with my lungs except I smoke. He did a full pulmonary function test. Im just looking for support...a feeling like I can do this...like Im going to be ok eventually. A comradery with someone or someones who understand. I dont know how to effectively cope. Nothing at all seemed to help in the worst times...and I dont want it back. But...I want this drug gone. I want to heal. I want to move on. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads my story. There's more to it...but this is the most pertinent slice...for now. All help is appreciated. -Rob

I took 25 mg Zoloft about 12 years ago for just a few weeks. Decided it wasn’t for me. “Officially” started Zoloft 7 years ago for the first time for post-partum anxiety. I was a mess. Jumping at every little movement of things, miserable and anxious. I actually had an elevated TSH with my first pregnancy so that definitely could have contributed to my anxiety/arousal post partum. Now I have been on and off Z throughout those years to some degree or another for anxiety that is triggered by health-ocd. Feeling good this year during a busy work season, I reduced my 100 mg dose to 75 in October. Didn’t feel any different. Until I started getting low iron symptoms or so I thought (weak and shaky legs, shortness of breath, cheat pain). These were anxiety symptoms that I took for iron deficiency. So instead of getting anxiety under control, I took a BOAT LOAD of iron. I had had iron definitely in the past so I thought I knew what I needed. Also increased my Zoloft back up to 100 in November. But had an anxiety relapse on 100 mg (Dec 2023). Had iron levels tested. They were beyond fine (even highish ferritin). Looking back, it was likely side effects from upping from 75 to 100 that caused the anxiety. So naturally, didn’t feel well, so I increased to 125 and never got better. Started therapy during this time. Went up to 150 after 125 didn’t work. Each increase made me horrifically worse. Boarderline psychosis (this was in February). Started buspar 2.5 mg 3x per day. Thank heavens, I never went up on the buspar. (my GP confused side effects for anxiety) Reduced to 125 for a week the same day I began buspar. Then down to 100 one week after 125. Sat at 100 mg for 4 weeks. Started to feel more stable after 2 weeks at 100. But then became erratic with my buspar dosing (it also likely just starting to “work” which was likely too much medicine with the 100 mg Zoloft). Started getting withdrawal from buspar, but confused it for Sertonin syndrome. Then stopped the Buspar cold turkey approx. 2 weeks ago today (March 22). Had 3+ days of INTENSE withdrawal. Tremors, extreme anxiety, and feeling blank in my head. Had a few “normal days” then was having random bouts of anxiety and bad days, so I thought my Zoloft dose was still too high (stupid). Thankfully only went down to 87.5. Currrently tappered down to 87.5. Most recent taper was from 100 to 87.5 5 days ago. Many of my psychosis-like symptoms went away after coming down from 150. But then the withdrawal hit. Ive been experiencing many severe withdrawal symptoms intermittently throughout dose these past med changes including waves of brain fog, fatigue, exaggerated fears, feeling “flat,” intense anxiety over daily tasks, tremors, twitching and dizziness. Doing the work for my health OCD in therapy. Planning to come off with a slow taper in the next year or two. Tips welcome! I haven’t begun tapering as I just officially this week have been “saved” by SA. I have no idea where to begin even after reading the tapering guide. But I’m off to go read it again.

Hi everyone, I was on Lexapro 20mg for more than 9 years - constantly. This was initially for symptoms related to body dysmorphic disorder, but then anxiety and depression also became an issue. Last September (2023), I decided I no longer wanted to be reliant on anti-depressants. I tapered down much too quickly within 3 months - 20mg -> 15mg -> 10mg -> 5mg -> over 3 months before stopping completely in November. I felt normal and fine all of November & December. Then January hit me, then February, then March & now April. The symptoms of anxiety and depression, memory loss, brain fog, fatigue, feeling like I have some sort of viral sickness - has plagued me since early January. These symptoms are much worse in the week leading up to when my period is due. After feeling this exhaustion for 3 - 4 months, today I decided to go back on 5mg of Lexapro to see if this might help, with the eventual goal of tapering back down to 0mg using liquid form, however, over a much longer period of time. Any insight or advice would be so greatly appreciated. Thanking you in advance.

First, I had bad anxiety in my early twenties. Started Effexor, took it for about a year then tried stopping with a fast taper. I got fired from work 4 ou 5 months later and my anxiety went up big time. Started Effexor again. Went up to 110mg, but I was having many side effects so after talking to my doctor, I decided to stop. I reduced the dosage over 2 months then stop. Went throught withdrawal for a few weeks and then things got quiet for a few months. I started getting hit by some fairly heavy anxiety and panic attacks without stress to trigger it. I went back to effexor for a few months and then I switched to escitalopram 10mg to try and see if I would have less side effects. I stayed on escitalopram 10mg for at least 6 years. Now, at the start of January 2024, I run out of escitalopram for a few days. That's when I decided to try and quit. Just like that. The withdrawal was hell. A lot of brain zap, anger that I could not contain at all, brain fog, insomnia, etc. After 6 weeks, most of the symptoms were gone or wayyyy more manageable. 1 week before the 4 months mark, I started getting vertigo and feeling dizzy. I had no idea what was going on. My anxiety started acting up again and I took an appointment with my doctor. He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking. And now i'm scared to death, does it mean that I have kindled? Should I keep taking 5mg and see if it stabilize? Should I lower to 2.5? Should I stop?!

Hey guys, I've been on Escilatopram/ Lexapro for 17 years and I went from 20mg to 15mg with not much fuss. I stayed there for around 8 months coz I kept missing appointments with my psychiatrist. In those months, I started taking Omega 3, Lion's Mane and I'm on Probiotics and Magnesium anyway. I also started going to the gym 3 times a week. If making exercise a habit is a mystery to you, read this amazing book https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits. It might be important to note that I've been on an intense healing journey for 4 years. I've done lots of talk therapy(covered), breathwork(not covered), subconscious therapy(not covered), somatic massage(not covered), and done lots of reading on the nervous system, anger, etc. All of this built my self-awareness, so I know my limits a bit better. Then I went down to 10mg with liquid Escilatopram and had a rough week. I was very angry, and lots of thoughts/ feelings came up. I'm guessing this was all suppressed by the medicine. So I started looking for urgent therapy. In Germany, you need a consultation appointment to verify that you need therapy before you actually get therapy. In Berlin, you go through KV Berlin (association of Doctors); you can even make an appointment online now: https://www.116117.de/de/index.php. Click on the time to book the appointment. But you need to go back to KV database of doctors to figure out what languages these available doctors speak. Make sure your browser is not automatically translating; it messes up the search. So, after the first rough week of withdrawal, I've had a week of feeling ok with bouts of irrational anger, which was under control. Also, I didn't push myself and took naps when overwhelmed, normally 2 hours each. I also took pharmacy-grade Ketamine to cope with the really rough moments and took 1.2gm of magic mushrooms once in that 2 week period. I only went to the gym twice this week and did a big bike ride and forest walk. I also added B-complex to my supplements. So I did the consultation appointment, and she told me to go to a day clinic within a hospital where they would also deal with my chronic pain and give me daily therapy (covered). Apparently, that clinic will get me on to weekly therapy sessions once I'm ready for that. I will do that after Easter weekend and continue tapering. There's also an option to stay at a rehabilitation clinic (covered) which has a daily schedule of therapy and exercise. So the journey continues. I've tried to get off these meds before, and I feel a lot more stable and in control. I do believe the supplements and exercise help. My husband is also being super supportive. I see my psychiatrist soon and will taper down to maybe 7mg or 5mg. I'm not the most patient person, I want to be able to go back to work quickly without biting anyone's head off. Has anyone tried vagus nerve exercises to calm the nervous system in these bad moments?

I’ve been here before but I don’t think I posted an introduction when I first joined the site. That opening sentence is a good analogy for my story - I started something a number of years ago, I didn’t get far, couldn’t fully engage or complete the steps and now looking back, it’s hard to recall the detail (I had to go to my profile page to see the date I signed up - shocked that it was almost 5 years ago). Many ambitions in work, life, health, friendships but minimal progress and much frustration, sadness and increasing ill health. SSRI use began in my early 20s after many years of depression and anxiety. I think I was prescribed Citalopram. Towards the end of my 20s my husband and I decided to start a family. I came off meds twice because I didn't want to be on them during pregnancy or breadstfeeding. I don’t even recall how I stopped. Tried Zoloft after my 2nd child and had a terrible experience. Went on to Lexapro for approx 6 years. Switched to SNRI Effexor. I found the addition of norepinephrine really helpful to begin with as a prominent feature of my depression is lack of motivation and I was positive about the benefits I experienced. After some years I started experiencing debilitating daytime sleepiness. I had very heavy menstrual blood loss after my 2nd baby and often had low iron. Being a tired parent, the sleepiness didn’t seem that unusual, especially with my symptoms of low mood, anhedonia, etc. I tried to research the effect of antidepressants on sleep quality as I suspected that long term use could be affecting my sleep stages. Approx 2012 - 2015 Attempted to withdraw from Effexor twice. First attempt was way too fast and withdrawal was awful and so unsettling. Reinstated Second attempt was much slower after researching and finding anecdotal accounts of slow tapering; I think it was over 10-12 months. I coped until the end of the taper and then was once again really unwell. Once I reached small numbers of the little white beads I was swallowing them without a capsule It’s possible the drug didn’t make it past my stomach acids - essentially at the most precarious stage of tapering the decreases were way too large and fast. Couldn’t cope - back to GP and started on Cymbalta 30 and then 60mg. I saw a psychologist over many months and she encouraged me to investigate my sleepiness with a specialist and also to have an assessment for ADHD. In 2018 I did a number of sleep studies and was diagnosed with Idiopathic Hypersomnia; excessive daytime sleepiness despite fairly normal night time sleep.Sleep specialist prescribed Armodafinil 250mg daily - thankfully this keeps me awake. Psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD late 2018, age 46, and prescribed Vyvanse - This gave me mental clarity and optimism for better functioning in life. I couldn’t tolerate side effects and stopped after a few months. Also unable to tolerate Ritalin and Dexamfetamine. Devastated- after a brief glimpse at being able to organise and function well I had to stop the ADHD meds. Sleep Specialist doesn’t believe I have ADHD & that my executive function deficits stem from my sleep disorder. When I have raised the issue of long term antidepressant use as being the cause of my disorder, I get a blank stare and a recommendation to stay on the AD. Vyvanse gave me a very dry mouth, jaw clenching, mouth ulcers and a feeling of having burnt my tongue in a hot drink. The symptoms with my tongue in particular remained even after stopping Vyvanse. Oral specialist ruled out any issues. Nearly 5 years later I still have ‘burning mouth syndrome’. Some literature connects it to anxiety and also menopause. Oh yeah, menopause. ALL of my mental health struggles and symptoms have worsened with the hormonal upheaval. Pretty constant anxiety and very poor executive function. I discuss my depression and anxiety with my GP and they are very sympathetic. Suggested antipsychotics to get my anxiety under control. No thank you. I expressed concern that the long term AD use and daily anxiety is affecting my gastrointestinal health. She referred me for Gastroscopy & Colonoscopy, 2023. Colonoscopy all clear. Gastroscopy showed Telangiectasias in my upper stomach - like spider veins - with a ‘slow ooze’ of blood. No explanation of the cause Second gastroscopy was scheduled at a different clinic so they could treat the blood vessels - they use argon gas to seal off the bleeding - but this time the telangiectasias were not found. No explanation. My own theory is that the long term use of antidepressants is degrading my stomach (affecting so many systems in my body and brain) and that this mild bleeding happens sporadically and then resolves. I sometimes experience a bad taste in my mouth and wonder if it is from the blood. Blood test reveal low iron at times despite no dietary changes and no menstrual bleeding. Woah, this is turning into a long piece. I’m sure I could edit but I may never get it done and posted. I saw a different psychiatrist mid 2023. I was and am desperate to function better. The Psychiatrist didn’t recommend any of the non-stimulant ADHD meds, believing they could lead to adverse effects. Suggested I ask my Sleep specialist about increasing the Armodafinil to see if that helped. I increased by a half but it doesn’t help my executive functioning. Feb 2024 reduced Armodafinil from 375mg back to 250mg bc I was experiencing heart racing. That symptom has gone but I’m struggling with sleepiness during the day again. I guess my brain adapted to the higher dose. I’ve no way of proving my theories about the list of medical and psychological problems I have being linked to nearly 30 years of AD use. I want to get off Cymbalta. I have bought the Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines. It’s going to be a very long road & I’m grateful for the SA resources and community.

So I was first put on sertraline (an SSRI) when I was 10 years old. From when I was put on the medication, whenever I would have a strong relapse in symptoms, the most common response of my psychiatrist would be to increase my dose. When I was about 23 I was also put on propranolol (a beta-blocker). I'm now 34. Currently, my mental health is ok, but for a very long time I've suffered from a bunch of related symptoms: - Inability to sleep - Extreme difficulty getting up in the morning - Fatigue - Unexplained chronic pain These come and go and occur along with anxiety and low-level depression which the medications are supposed to treat. Doctors haven't been able to identify a cause, and they don't really respond to the standard things people recommend to help treating these symptoms (e.g. eating healthy, etc). Taken as a whole they can make it very difficult to make improvements in my life. I'd like to come off the medications because I think that the symptoms listed above (not the depression and anxiety) might be caused or exacerbated by my medication. But the trouble is, I've been on the medications so long I don't really have any idea if the symptoms I have experienced really are being caused or exacerbated by the medications. I managed to reduce my sertraline dosage from 200 to 100mg and I couldn't notice a change in these symptoms, which indicates that maybe they are completely unrelated to my medications And the severe episodes of anxiety and related symptoms I have experienced have been a living hell. If coming off the medication results in a return of that then I don't want to do it and will end up really regretting it. So I'm not sure what to do. Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated.

I have been taking Zoloft for 20 years for panic disorder. I started taking it when I was 18, and tried other medications as well. Nothing worked accept Zoloft. I still have breakthrough panic attacks and anxiety sometimes, but it’s manageable. I want to get off of Zoloft, but I’m terrified of the panic coming back. I’ve tried getting off of it 4 other times, and suffered greatly for years, becoming agoraphobic for months, and not driving by myself for 6 years the first time I tried to stop, and then severe depression, with suicidal ideation, extreme panic attacks I couldn’t calm down from, and constant debilitating anxiety the other times I tried to stop. One time I was off for a year, and they came back 1,000 times worse! I’m thinking of tapering slowly this time, but terrified that the panic attacks will come back full force again, and I will have to suffer going back on the meds until they kick in again. I have two young children, and I don’t want to suffer with withdrawal symptoms. I want to be able to get off of the meds easily, and with little side effects. I’m just so scared that the panic attacks and depression will come back if I stop the meds, and I won’t know if it’s withdrawal, if it’s legitimate panic attacks. They are so severe and terrifying that I almost want to stay on the meds forever and deal with the side effects than go through life the way I’ve always felt off of them. Any tips, advice, or thoughts?

Hello everyone. I have been on Celexa for over twenty years. Over the past several years I noticed I really wasn't feeling great. I suffered from a lot of headaches and a dizzy off-balance feeling as well as anxiety (which I thought the medication was supposed to control) I decided I wanted to stop taking this. Doctor started a slow taper and took me from 30mg to 5 mg in a little over a month. I completed the taper about a two weeks ago. Iam still feeling the dizziness, but its intensified and I have a low-grade headache daily. My stomach feels weird, and I notice I am either freezing or burning hot all the time. I was sitting at my desk today at work and felt like my world was sideways for a minute. This is so scary, and I fear it will never end. Has anyone had similar discontinuation symptoms? How long did they last? I am really in need of support.

Hi everyone, I’m new to the site, but I have been dealing with psychiatric withdrawal symptoms (from benzos) for a very long time. Currently, I am hoping to taper very slowly off of Duloxitine, but I need a doctor recommendation. I live in the Chicago area. I contacted Dr. McMasters who was listed on this site, but she is not taking new patients. Does anyone have any other recommendations?

I apologise for the self indulgence of this but I'm upset at the moment and really wanted to just tell people about everything that's happened to me - it's a really, really long story. I appreciate its very TL;DR... I've been on and off various antidepressants since I was 14 - so for most of my life. These have included SSRIs, SNRIs and mood stabilisers. By age 27 I had decided I no longer wanted to take any medications for my presenting condition, which at that point was anxiety. I felt that the years I'd spent on medication was "lost time" because the emotional numbing effect of these drugs promotes a kind of apathy - because I didn't care about anything, I didn't do anything and so my life would wither around me. Every time I came off them I would look at my life - now able to feel the emptiness of it - and feel motivated to be proactive and improve it. My social life was better when I wasn't on medication, my memory was better when I wasn't on medication, I was more productive when I wasn't on medication. A very clear 'boom and bust' pattern had emerged in my personal history where when I was unmedicated I was a whirlwind of activity, taking positive actions to improve my health, and when I was on the pills I sat inside in my pyjamas. Another pattern was clear too - every time i weaned off my pills, i would leave my unfulfilling relationships with boyfriends because I could no longer tolerate the loneliness. I would look for something better. On pills, I just stayed, and those relationships over time would erode my self esteem. With all this evidence behind me, I decided none of this was worth it and I'd rather just learn to live with the anxiety. A couple of months after deciding I would never touch another pill, I woke up feeling something I hadn't felt since I was a teenager - a voracious sex drive! It had been so long since I'd had a libido that I hadn't realised it was gone and I found myself now constantly interrupted throughout the day by thoughts and fantasies about sex. My pleasure in sex also increased and my orgasms improved. My vulva even changed, appearing 'fuller' with increased lubrication, as if the bloodflow down there had suddenly increased. Initially I worried something was wrong and consulted my GP to ensure this swelling and wetness was not an infection, but everything was normal. This was just how I was *supposed* to be. I enjoyed this sex drive and pleasure for four years. Unfortunately, during those four years, my mental health snowballed. I developed severe panic disorder with agoraphobia. I was determined not to take medications so I tried everything else - therapies and self help, anything I could do to change my thoughts and feelings without a prescription. By age 31, now mostly housebound for two years, I gave up. Although the first two years of my unmedicated life had been more active and fulfilling, it was now the illness rather than the medication that had trapped me inside in my pyjamas. It was time to choose the lesser evil - Sertraline. A few days later, towelling dry after a shower, I realised I couldn't feel my genitals. Initially my drive for sex - which had continued to be high throughout my illness - remained and I was in the frustrating position of feeling an urge to satisfy that need and no longer being able to because my clitoris was completely numb. I was about to throw the pills away when, almost overnight, something amazing happened - the panic attacks stopped. I could go outside. I could do anything now. I booked a last minute flight to Portugal and went on holiday! Now came a tough decision - life, or a sex life? That probably doesn't sound tough to most people but when you've been trapped inside your house for years, your sexuality becomes very important to you. There's a window in every day where you feel excitement and pleasure, where you feel alive again. And frankly, one of the big motivators to get back outside was to have sex - something I now couldn't do! I was upset, but I told myself I was being silly. Of course it was more important to go outside than to masturbate! And it was only going to be temporary - I told myself that the moment my life was back on track I'd lose the pills. I quickly met a man and started a relationship of sorts, but it was an odd experience. I had no idea if I liked him; I just couldn't tell. I'd speak to friends and try to work out logically if he were a good fit for me but there was no emotion to act as a compass. I felt nothing - about anything. The sex, now that I had lost all feeling in my genitals, was like a prolonged smear test. I still had sexual urges - although I didn't know if I loved him, I definitely found him sexually attractive - but once we got started it was like my mind and body were completely disconnected. Nine months after starting sertraline, with panic attacks completely resolved, I decided the only way to know if I even wanted to go out with this guy was to find out how I felt without the pills. Weaning off was initially like weaning off any psychotropic drug. With each step down I had vertigo, electric shock feelings in my nerves, insomnia, agitation, intense emotions that came out of nowhere. I'd been through this a million times before so I continued with the scheduled taper, knowing a couple of weeks after I hit 0mg I'd feel fine again. But 48 hours after I took my last pill, chaos broke out in my body and mind. It was by far the most extreme experience I've ever had in my life. There were 1 million thoughts racing through my mind but I couldn't catch any of them. I had the bizarre feeling that I was thinking very obsessively about something but I had no idea what I was thinking about. The vertigo grew intense and I started vomiting. I would continue vomiting for the next three weeks. An excruciating and unrelenting pain developed in my gut. It felt like an emotional anguish, but what about? I didn't know. Unable to look after myself, a friend took me in. We had a long conversation about the biggest thing in my life at that time - I'd realised I definitely didn't like this boyfriend and I was leaving. "You should just tell him exactly what you just told me" my friend said, and i suddenly realised I had absolutely no idea what I'd just told her. I knew we'd been talking for hours, but I couldn't remember a single word. I felt very confused. I decided not to make any major decisions while I felt so chaotic so I didn't immediately break up with the man. Over the course of the next few weeks, strange things would happen. I would come around half slumped on his bed to him shaking me and pleading with me to wake up. I had no idea how I'd got there or what had happened. He would report back to me that I screamed in the night - a blood curdling scream, he said, but I had no memory of it. The confusion got worse and one day I couldn't speak. I just couldn't form words anymore, like where my mind used to be was a big blank, white space. My boyfriend took me to hospital where a doctor said he'd make sure I was referred for therapy and perhaps in the meantime I could join a choir. I went back to the GP and asked her to give me anything but sertraline. The strange thing was, despite every painful and extreme experience that was happening to me, my sexual function was great again and I didn't want to go back to that numbness. The doctor prescribed Prozac, which made everything worse, and a week later I gave in and took Sertraline. The symptoms vanished in less than a week - no more vomiting, pain or cognitive confusion - but my genitals disappeared with them. I left my boyfriend, which initially made me feel happy and motivated, and I told myself I'd give my brain a break before weaning back off the meds. Not long afterwards, the pandemic hit. I wasn't going to have sex anyway, so why go through discontinuation? When lockdown ended, I realised i had no sexual or romantic feelings anymore and was struggling to find a partner. I was now 35 and wanted to have children, but dates led nowhere. I couldn't feel a thing. I phoned my gp and started weaning down. Afraid of discontinuation syndrome, I took it very slowly and weaned over about 18 months. 48 hours after my last pill, vertigo emerged and I started vomiting. I vomited for six days but there were no cognitive symptoms so this was fine by me. A day or so after I stopped being sick, I put music on in my car and it was like I was on ecstasy. The sounds were thrilling, my brain was lighting up, I felt completely alive. But my genitals were still numb. After a couple of weeks, I started to panic and went online where I found out about PSSD. But every forum I saw helpfully stated that if you have been off the pills for less than six months, don't condemn yourself to PSSD. Go out, forget about it, it'll come back. Reassured, I did exactly that. About nine months after discontinuation, I felt a change in my brain. I felt intense emotions, I felt alive, I felt motivated to do hobbies I'd dropped years ago. I started to think about sex, but when I did I felt nothing. My clitoris is almost entirely numb, my vulva feels dry and shrunken. But my ovarian function has been tested and is fine - neither do I have any of the other conditions that can reduce oestrogen (such as thyroid disease). It's now been a year since I stopped sertraline and my sexuality is still as it was when I was on the pills. I feel old and past it, like I'm 87, not 37 . My doctor is being fantastic. She's investigating every possible physical angle. I haven't told her yet that I fear it might be iatrogenic. We're currently approaching it like a coincidence - at some point during the course of treatment, something else happened that caused exactly the same symptoms as the side effects of the pills. Something about this feels desperate and delusional. I worry that I'll never feel that sexual urgency that I once did and that I might never enjoy sex or masturbation again. It's a devastating thought, but I don't want to tell myself this is permanent without evidence. It could still be temporary, and I want to act as if that's true. If you read that far then my God you're a hero - thank you!

I have been on 20 mg of Lexapro for about 20 years for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have had breakthrough anxiety several times during the period and recently it seems to have quit working. My doctor did a genetic test which showed that I was not a good match for Lexapro do to being an ultra rapid metabolizer of the drug. Two weeks ago he did a direct switch from the 20 mg of Lexapro to 40 mg of Prozac. Since the switch I have been getting progressively worst having extreme anxiety, feeling sick, and having trouble with concentration. Really unsure of what to do as the symptoms are pretty severe. Any suggestions on what to do to help with the symptoms, should I reinstate the Lexapro or continue going forward with Prozac. Thanks in advance

I was on ssris from 10 to 32, (started tapering at 30. I was on benzos for 7 years from 23-30. At 23 I was also put on an enzyme inhibitor (omeprazole) by my PCP that increased both the benzo and the ssri in my body, and doctors were not aware of the interaction. My withdrawal saga actually started with me switching from omeprzole to pepcid. Anyway after tapering from benzos and ssris, I developed some central sleep apnea, and my sleep was so bad I couldn't function. For some reason trazodone increases aurosal thresholds and helps sleep apnea I take 25 mg at night. Is this a really bad idea. I'm still in the thick of PAWS, and while functional, definitely low functioning.

Hi - long story as short as possible (been on ADs for nearly 30 years). I am 58 and been on Anti Depressants since 1998 with only one or two short breaks in that time. Clinical depression with anxiety coming into the mix perhaps 10-15 years ago. Three major depression episodes spread over that time that required time off work, daytime hospitalisation/treatment once. Currently reasonably stable taking 5mg per day of Escitalopram and have been for a few years but anxiety still present in mornings but daily cold water swimming helps with that a lot. Medication History 1998 - tried Sertraline and Paroxatine but in the most effective was Citalopram initially at 10-20mg per day. 2009 Citalopram does slowing increased to 60mg as it was being less effective even when adding Duloxetine, risperidone and pregabalin Feb 2010 Moved on to Venlafaxine/Risperidone/Buspirone Sep 2010 Tried adding Lithium for a while but not much worked. Oct 2010 Venlafaxine (75mg increasing to 150mg and eventually 225mg), Abilify (Aripiprazole), Risperidone (1mg or 0.5mg) Nov 2010 Venlafaxine & Seroquel (quetiapine) Nov 2010 Hospitalised for day care with bad stress/depression (just for a week) Dec-Mar 2010/2011 Venlafaxine 225mg & Seroquel 25mg increasing to 50mg and then 100mg and finally 200mg of XL version (quetiapine) and Stilnoct (10mg) for sleep as required. June 2011 Venlafaxine 225mg and reduced then removed Seroquel Stable and then in Oct 2016 to Mar 2017 slow taper off of Venlafaxine (felt better and did not like side effects, profuse sweating was main one, weight gain). Occasional use of Zolpidem for sleep (only a few times a month). May 2017 - after being off Venlafaxine for a month or two anxiety was intolerable (was having therapy sessions during this time). Depression started to return so prescribed Escitalopram 5mg increasing to 10mg After about 12 days started to feel better increased Escitalopram dose to 15mg and then 20mg and June 2017 added in Lyrica (pregabalin) 75mg 3 times a day (to try to help with anxiety). Early 2023-Oct 2023 - slowish taper and stop (detail below) and then after 3 weeks of nothing horrible withdrawal so went back to 5mg per day to rethink the plan!!! Stable for last 4 or 5 years on 5mg of Escitalopram and wanted to try to come off it. Took about 6-9 months of slow reductions (Jan to Sep 2023 approx) but only by cutting 5mg tablets in half and alternating doses by day (5/2.5mg etc), then just 2.5mg and then alternate days @2.5mg etc and then nothing! I moved onto a further reduction once I felt fine on the lower dose for 3-4 weeks at least. I thought this was slow enough and with 5mg tablets the smallest we can get here in the UK there is not that much I can do to get less than 2.5mg (though happy to try to make solution). By September 2023, once I was on nothing I felt fine for about 3-4 weeks and then quite suddenly got a load of withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, confusion, palpitations, panic etc), did not want to put up with it so went back to 5mg per day of Escitalopram. That very quickly (within a day or so) made me feel better again. Having read this site, I clearly realise my taper had to be MUCH slower/smaller does at the end and the symptoms I felt once off it was withdrawal and not really depression (though they have some similarities). This week I asked my GP for liquid escitalopram so I could taper more slowly and he said he cannot prescribe it on NHS and I would have to go private (so need to see a psychiatrist etc first) or be referred to psychiatrist on NHS (which he has done but could take 6-9 months to hear back). Even though I explained I would be stuck on the medication for ever if they did not give the liquid they cannot do it as they claim it is too expensive (even though I would be taking a micro dose as they only supply 20mg per ML liquid here). My plan right now is to perhaps try to taper slowly whilst I wait for the NHS appointment hopefully later this year and then I will be ready to go really low once I have the liquid. WHAT HELP DO I NEED? Is there a way to taper Escitalopram when you can only get 5mg tablets (can I make my own solution? does cutting them in quarters work? etc) I am quite worried that even with a slow taper I could have to put up with withdrawal symptoms for many, many months and even years. Is it really worth it if I am not suffering that much being on the medication? (and considering my age @59) Is there anything else I can do to minimise withdrawal when it does hit? What else have I missed? Hope this gives enough information for someone to assist. Thanks, MrFrisbee. (PS: Signature coming right after this is posted!)

Hello, I am looking for information or others experience of life after long term SSRI use. I was on SSRIs for 38 years and have been completely off for 9 months. I started as a teenager and am 58 yo now so not sure what normal is supposed to look like. Though I do not feel depressed, I am still unable to sleep and have had to resort to medication for this. The other experience I have is apathy. I find myself caring about very little. The things I loved before I have no attachment to now. It is a very strange existential space. Wondering if others have had this experience and if it ever changes over time. Thank you.

Hi Everyone, First of all I want to thank each person who will take the time to read my story and answer me This is my story and I could write a book.. I am a 33 years old French man I started PAROXETINE when I was 16 years old ( 18 years of treatment ) 2006 I Started PAROXETINE at 20mg by my family doctor following a huge panic attack triggered by a bad trip to Canabis (heavy consumption the same day) in high school, with a suddenly effects of DP/ DR tenfold, symptom accompanied by period of black out.. I was not a regular consumer just a young person with bad attendance and very impressionable who wanted to try. At this point I did not know what DPDR was and no doctor explained to me the why of the how. For me it was a reaction of cannabis. The years have passed I have not had any particular psychological or psychiatric follow-up. DPDR it is installed then it is attenuated until disappearing, I remember having occasional panic attacks that manifested by a DPDR and then went away.. Terrible teen that I was it was not my lesson, DPDR resurfaced on a Christmas night or I re-smoked cannabis with a bad trip that manifested as the first time with blackout periods The years have passed. I tried to stop treatment with my doctor several times. The instructions of my first weaning were to take 1 pills per day then every other day then every other day etc... The symptoms of physical withdrawal brain zap often made me stop attempts to stop treatment because unbearable with reintroduction of the dose at 20mg each time. I had to stay at least 8-10 years at 20mg I felt normal. 2015-2016 During these years I always wanted deep down to stop this treatment because I did not want to be dependent on a drug and for me everything was fine but I began to be afraid of the long-term effect on my memory, An example in a discussion with friends when I was asked, you remember when we did this on that day or you remember this movie… and I had trouble remembering each time… (I still have this problem to this day 18 years later) So I started looking on the internet for a way to stop this treatment that for me was the cause of this loss of memory and that would make me lose my mind in the long term.. I do not have a great memory but I found this forum in 2015 or I found info that explained that during a withdrawal it was especially important not to jump dose and that it was necessary to gradually decrease the doses by taking it all the days I started to cut the tablet from 20mg in 2 from 20mg to 10mg I stayed for a long time at month 2-3 years at this dose trying later to cut it again in 2 and passing to 5mg It should be noted that during all these years I have always been someone very anxious who constantly wonders about the why of the like, life, existence, a terrible anguish by death with occasional anxiety attack and panic attack that manifested through a DP/DR and then passed and I became normal again without being blocked in the DP/DR (I still don’t know what DP/DR was in those 2015-16 years) 2020 My wife gets pregnant, upheaval in our life, during pregnancy questions begin to settle, life, life existence, aging etc… We go on holiday in the USA in the family of my wife For 3 weeks I drink alcohol because the family there party and drink alcohol, almost every day, (but usually I do not drink alcohol I drink some beer from time to time but no more...) At this time (and even before these holidays ) I regularly drank lots of coffee like any normal person. Coffee has always tended to make my heart beat We come back from vacation the same evening I lie next to my wife and a big palpitation happen, I put the hand of my wife on my heart I’m afraid, I have the impression of having a heart attack, but it is a panic attack. I ended up falling asleep.. The next day, everything got weird I’m not myself the DPDR came back knocking and settles and gets worse by the day The loop settles, existential questions turn in loop, the birth of my future child, the fear of growing up, aging and death, it turns in loop, all the days. I’m not hungry anymore. This time it’s about I’m going crazy, I literally think I’m going schizophrenic. (I still don’t know what DPDR is at that time) I decide to make an appointment with a psychiatrist explaining the situation, at that time I was at 10mg PAROXETINE, he tells me that 10mg is not a therapeutic dose it is necessary to go up to 20mg to feel effects I go up to 20mg of PAROXETINE but nothing always passes this weird feeling of being foreign to myself. I take an other appointment with him and he tell me to go up to 40mg of PAROXETINE and prescribe TRANXENE(Clorazépate) to take punctually I try some day I take a TRANXENE my condition worsens.. I continue it’s even worse I decide to go down to 20mg of PARXOETINE it’s still not okay but I continue and stabilize to 20mg of PAROXETINE I am afraid, I take refuge on the internet, what happens to me? I search : "Weird sensation of not being yourself" I discover the word Depersonalization and Déréalization DP/DR I search and search and read lots of forums in French, English, YouTube etc… , I’m a little reassured because I’m not alone in having this but I’m still with this DP/DR symptoms I come across a video the guy explains that : "it’s a weird sensation, its strange but not dangerous… quick tips put sunglasses!" , I do it immediately it calms down a little and I come across a site that catches my attention: "the guide to overcome dpdr" of Shaun O Connor I read it and learn what is really the DPDR, its a symptom of Aniety, then i applied to the letter the steps of the guide. Time passes I get back to the gym, I discover breathing, cardiac coherence, I go see a Psychologist expert in EFT technique to manage my emotions, DP/DR still does not pass I continue to look, I go to see a neuropsychologist I make a brain x-ray for me I have a tumor but results... no, nothing i am normal. The sessions pass, I hang up during this period to snort a paper soaked with lavender because I read that it calms the stress, my state improves only a little I hold the blow, I occupy my mind, I work, my daughter is finally born, I listen to music all day, music is my life. I’m a drummer. I put into practice what I learn in the guide! I stop eating too much candy of all kinds during this period and especially I stop coffee because I learn that it triggers anxiety in my case, I tell myself that’s it, I drink up to 4-5 coffee a day, I put my finger on the cause I drink too much coffee and too much caffeine = palpitation = it triggers my screams of anxiety why I didn’t think about it earlier… For me I found the solution: I stop coffee = I wouldn’t have panic attacks I stop my antidepressant = I am cured no more memory problem. Life goes on DPRDR fades and DPDR disappears without I really realize when 2021 My daughter grew up, she is already 1 year old and I no longer have an anxiety attack, I really feel normal The Covid lockdown is coming and I stay at home I see my daughter growing, stressed of this strange period but no anxiety attack, because for me I put my finger on the problem, no more panic attack as long as I will not drink coffee I will not have any anxiety attack. I start to look to now deal with this PAROXETINE treatment. I read and read on the internet I learn that PAROXETINE has a very short half-life that must be reduced by 10% increments otherwise the side effects happen very quickly. I learn that PAROXETINE exists in liquid version so i begin it. 2022-2023 I do an excel sheet with calculations and final dates, end of year I am free of this poison that for me makes me lose memory and that is finally can be also potentially trigger Anxiety DP/DR I start the liquid version I go down from 20mg to 10mg of PAROXETINE, everything is fine I stabilize at 10mg and I continue by lowering 1mg by 1mg Every month so : 9mg - 8mg -7mg - 6mg...until 0 I arrive at 2 mg of PAROXETINE i do not have any withdrawal symptom but onyl light brain zap, but problem, the bottle is empty I go to the pharmacy as usual to take my treatment but the pharmacist told me that the liquid version is stopped in France for an indeterminate duration.. I drive until 2 hours to take the last stock of pharmacies nearby I go down to 1.5mg of PAROXETINE, I’m almost there, I’m at the end but I have no more PAROXETINE in the bottle... what do I do? I go on internet I search that I could make switches on PROZAC/FLUOXETINE which is also in liquid. I don’t have time, I don’t have anything left in the bottle just enough to switch gradually to PROZAC. I change my excel table with the dose and date calculation for the switch and let’s go. Meanwhile I move, I buy a house and begins heavy renovation work, lots of stress.. I debute a cross switch I lower the PAROXETINE : 1,5mg - 1 - 0,5 - 0 and rise to 5mg of PROZAC and stabilize during 4 week of PROZAC Brain zaps are hard but I’m finally going to be free… I’m holding on I’m almost there.. The days pass and suddenly DPDR arrives from nowhere and settles down and no longer me, what happens to me I thought I was done? I don’t drink coffee anymore how is that possible? This time it’s the right one my brain is screwed. My condition degrades very quickly I put my sunglasses I take out my lavender paper back.. The loop resets day after day with the fear of being afraid… , severe depression, severe anxiety, morning diarrhea, awakening with palpitation great sadness, uncontrolled crying, impulse phobia I am afraid of hurting myself I am afraid of committing suicide, I’m doing work in the bathroom upstairs I look at the window I’m afraid of losing control and jumping.. MARCH 2023 I can’t stay like this… I have a home business if I don’t work I don’t make money… I take refuge on the internet and I search: Best psychiatrist DP/DR specialist I search and I search I find a 400km a specialized hospital that speaks of DPDR the psychiatrist seems to know what she speaks and recognized in the environment I take appointment I melt in tears I’m at the bottom of the hole.. She told me that the dose are too low and prescribed me 20mg of PROZAC and ATARAX(Hydroxyzine) to take punctually 2 weeks pass I retake an appointment with her it goes very slightly better so I continue at 20mg 4 weeks pass it worse, I have the impression that the PROZAC is too strong and it is what induces and persists DP/DR I ask him to lower to 10mg I ask her if she knows a therapist because I would like to take things in hand and start a CBT , She gives me the name of a colleague she works with I take 1 session then 2,3,4 until 8, i hang on that, I speak to her, it does me good I wait for each session as a deliverance, It costs me a lot of money but I have no choice. At the same time the DPDR persists I am still not myself sudden mood changes, sudden big sadness, uncontrolled crying, morning diarrhea, my libido collapses.. My wife is aware of my PAROXETINE treatment we have been together for 18 years , she has always suffered my mood change and do not understand I look good outside... but I in my head it is hell She often asks me "what you look like you’re depressed ?" My 3-year-old daughter also often asks me: "Dad, why are you making that face" , "Dad, why are you sad?" I’m having a hard time playing and taking care of her.. My anxiety is too present it always turns in loop in my head. All awakenings are accompanied with palpitations and a new symptoms in the morning of the awakening are random words and phrases that pass at full speed in my head like when you have a music stuck in your head What happens to me? I go crazy ? I have random words in my head i talk to myself ? this time it’s sure for me I am becoming schizophrenic... (but my Psychiatrist told me : I promise you are not schizophrenic, its all about anxiety..) SEPTEMBER 2023 4 months pass the sessions of CBT help me a little, I space the sessions them more and more because too expensive, the DPDR is always present for me I am still not normal I am always disconnected I continue to occupy my mind every minute, I continue the renovation of my house all the days even the week-end, first minute of each day I put my earphones I have to occupy my mind, I listen to podcasts until the evening everything is good so that I avoid thinking about DP/DR and looping on the existential thoughts it tired me but I have no other solution.. OCTOBER 2023 A rather exceptional event manifests itself on a Sunday, by sudden brain zap, vertigo.. , I wonder what happens to me, big palpitation I have the impression that I will have a heart attack, I am at 2 finger to call the emergency, I decide to go to the "Emergency Pharmacy" because all our pharmacy are closed on Sunday in France, I take my prescription with me, I tell myself that the box of prozac has a defect and that suddenly I have brain zap I do not understand.. To my surprise and as the pharmacist informs me: "Sir it’s normal, have a look, they were wrong at your last prescription, they gave you PAROXETINE instead of PROZAC, I look at the prescription and it is well marked : PAROXETINE delivery. I cry, its a nightmare.. Its actually been 1 month that I had switch without knowing 10mg of PROZAC to 10mg of PAROXETINE. Unfortunately, I did not notice this mistake cause I usually put the box of medicine in my bag by taking it in the morning in a hurry before work without my daughter seeing me take it, I did not check the box, it has become so automatic... I blamed myself terribly, what a nightmare, the last switch PAROXETINE —> PROZAC had been so hard and horrible that I had gone back to square one… 1ST DECEMBER 2023 My condition is horrible, my brother-in-law’s father died suddenly, I put myself in his place , its loop in my head, I’m afraid, I cry, I transpose all the faces of my family on the body, I decide to go back to 20mg of PROZAC I have no other solution on hand.. The next day on December 2nd it is already better, i am quite surprised because the PROZAC has a very long half life.. 14 DECEMBER 2023 Debut of new unpleasant symptom random tingling sensation throughout the body, adrenaline discharge sensation with sudden tingling, I become very sensitive to the slightest sound , TV, light, it triggers me this weird symptoms 16 December 20233 I go from 20mg to 10mg of PROZAC to try to alleviate the new symptoms because for me the PROZAC does not suit me or the dose is not good, (for me the PROZAC was always something that did not suit me and made me feel weird) i don't know.. 2024 So actually, 2 months later, I am still at 10 mg of PROZAC, I decided to stabilize myself at this dose even if i am not feeling normal, cause as you can see there were a lot of changes in the dose of PROZAC. I still do not feel myself, always this feeling of DR of unreality of the world, depression, with moments where my face freezes without emotion… and loss/supression of my libido like I’ve never had. I don’t know what’s happening to me. According to my research on the forum and the article of Altostrata on PUBMED I explain what happened to me with the sudden arrival of a big anxiety and DP/ DR during the switch last year is that I was in the post withdrawal phase of PAROXETINE and that the sudden loss of libido would be PSSD ?, I am not yet very familiar with all these terms but I think I put my finger on the why of the how, tell me if I am wrong. My current dilemma: Is it better not to be dependent and not to take an antidepressant but to risk being bad and "look like sh*t" all my life with this depression, DP/DR or is it better to take an antidepressant (PAROXETINE) all my life but to feel good. I am currently thinking of 2 solutions because I want to get out of it, 1) Doing a gradual withdrawal of PROZAC knowing that I am stabilizing at 10mg, and try to live without antidepressant (I do not know what it is to live without this antidepressant I do not remember because I started it when I was 16) OR 2) Take the PAROXETINE back to 10mg and take it all my life, because it is very hard stopped with its very short half-life. In fact i think, i am not a specialist but its easier to stop a long half life antidepressant than a short half life one. I ask to you all, because my psychiatrist clearly told me that PAROXETINE was not possible that it was not a stable molecule and that if we had to change antidepressant we would go from PROZAC to SERTRALINE Please, I am very lost and look for any help, Thanks again for everyone who came this far Have an excellent day

Not sure what to write…. I tried an unsuccessful tapering around 4 years ago, 2020, I was 60, crashed so badly, reinstated again, built my life up again. After some research I tried again tapering off last year 2023, did the tapering twice as long, over 6 months, not much information out there for getting off meds…. So wish I had this site then, did not know the tapering should be so slow!! Anyways, serious withdrawal symptoms that have destroyed my life again, now I live with horrible anxiety, physical pain, stomach issues, and mental anguish! Lost my whole lifestyle….I question daily “why did I do this to myself? Why am I putting myself through this suffering? On the Meds, my life wasn’t so bad, not like what some of you have. Yes, I slept 12 to 15 hours a day, mental fog, emotional numbness, but I had the strength to live, hobbies, reasons to be. now I’m just so lost…. There are days when I think I should reinstate but from reading here I’m afraid of different symptoms. I have been drug free 6 months,…. Something stops me from going back on…. Like if I do then this last year of suffering will be for nothing…. reading stories here is scary for me cause I didn’t know it would take so long for my brain, body, mind to heal. But it also the most real truthful place I found. I do a lot of daily walking, deep breathing, listening to healing videos, it is helping some…. But I have no meaning, no value in living, the real world outside of my home scares me, I feel like I don’t belong anymore. Now I live in an environment that I dislike immensely, which makes it even harder to build from. anyways, that’s it for now…. Now how to add the signature part of med history…