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Hey Everyone, I have been working on coming off of Lexapro for years and this is the closest I have ever been. Long story short, I have been weaning off lexapro after a couple of failed attempts of 20mg. I am currently at 5mg and having severe waves and windows of withdrawal. Looking for a little support that this is normal. I have a week or two where I feel phenomenal then suddenly a sharp drop where all the suicidal fake thoughts intrude. This also includes horrible chest pain, nausea, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia and just an overall feeling of dread. These last anywhere from two weeks to a couple of days. I am unsure about whether I should continue a taper, or if I should hold, but from what I am reading this is going to be a long arduous process. Any support or advise is appreciated. Been reading many of the articles on here and just now decided to try to become a member myself. Thanks so much.

Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Summary prior to Lexapro: I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 in 1999. It's hard to remember what I was going through then, but I know I would have major mood swings and get very emotional and sad. I started seeing a therapist. I was prescribed Zoloft, I think it was 10mg. I don't remember my full prescription history, but I believe I stayed on Zoloft until at least 2006. I moved from New Hampshire to San Francisco in 2005 and started seeing a therapist there. I didn't think I needed anti-depressants anymore and went off of Zoloft. I don't remember any kind of tapering, or guidance/warnings about going off Zoloft. I didn't have any issues quitting. I remember having depression symptoms during my period and my therapist recommended taking Prozac only during my period. I believe this was in 2006 or 2007. It helped, but I felt emotionally numb. Lexapro: I decided to try anti-depressants again but I wanted to try something different. My doctor recommended Lexapro. I believe this was in 2007 or 2008. Lexapro was an easy drug to take. I didn't have any side effects. Once, Kaiser tried to push me to generic escitalopram and I experienced issues with mood swings. I don't remember the exact symptoms but I know I contacted my doctor within a few days and demanded brand name Lexapro again. Other than that, I stayed on 20mg Lexapro with little thought to what/how it was treating my depression. There was one point where I visited my family in New Hampshire and didn't pack enough Lexapro. I skipped one day and figured I would do every other day to stretch the pills. I got dizzy and had brain zaps within a day. I looked this up online and learned that you can't just go off Lexapro. I kept that in mind and planned my refills better from that point on. Tapering off: In August 2020 Kaiser's pharmacy informed me that they would no longer carry Lexapro brand name starting in September, and they would only offer generic Escitalopram. I don't think this is a problem for most people but I had a bad reaction when I tried generic before and didn't want to go down that path again. I had also been questioning how long I should stay on anti-depressants. I was 38 and was a completely different person than when I was first prescribed at 16. I have a supportive partner who encourages me to seek alternative methods to managing my depression. I was particularly interested in supplements like fish oil because they have other health benefits. It felt hopeful to know that through mindfulness techniques and supplements I could manage my depression naturally and add additional health benefits. I emailed my doctor and asked for a tapering recommendation. Her assistant said to go from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks and then go off. That sounded entirely naive to me knowing what I experienced when I skipped one day by accident years earlier. I did research and most articles were vague. I subscribed to Harvard Health Review and they had a more thorough article with gradual tapering guidelines. I choose to go from 20 to 15, 10, 5 with 4 weeks in between. I started the taper in September and completed just after Christmas 2020. With about 4 weeks in between dosage changes I felt some brain zaps and dizziness, but nothing that impacted my day to day activities and work. Full stop: In January 2021 I felt pretty good about stopping the pills (I was on 5mg at that point). I read that you could experience more extreme symptoms after 5 days if you didn’t taper long enough. At day 5 all the withdrawal symptoms started and continued for roughly 4 months. I won’t get into full details because I think the symptoms are easier to find online now, but the brain zaps were frequent throughout the day. I was dizzy, and most days I worked on my couch because I couldn’t handle being vertical. My balance wasn’t so bad that I would fall, but I would kind of lean side to side going down hallways. Other physical symptoms were headaches, completely random indigestion that didn’t coincide with my very consistent diet, shaky hands, insomnia, and very random and quick flu/cold like symptoms like congestion. The brain zaps and dizziness made work very challenging. I manage a software development firm and am on client calls most of the day. What was far worse were waves of anxiety. I’ve never felt anxiety before, this was completely new to me. My mind was racing and I was constantly worried about my partner dying (he has perfect health) and other nonsense. I felt like I was on then verge of mania because I couldn’t handle even the smallest amount of stress. A stressful work event would have me clenching my teeth, holding back a scream, and pounding my fists. I’m the cool and calm one at work so this was so foreign to me and I was always scared I would lose my temper during a meeting. I had panic attacks, which I’ve never experienced before. They were prompted by seemingly nothing. I had a very hard time socializing. If someone asked how I was I thought I would burst into tears. I stopped drinking because I read that it could help. I told my closest friends so they would understand why I was withdrawing. I had a hard time talking about myself because I was really just trying to hang on. I didn’t have any other news. I couldn’t help out around the house because of the dizziness, and trying to cook would stress me out and make me agitated. My partner picked up the chores and I was usually lying on the couch. I don’t remember when the symptoms stopped because they kind of morphed instead of really going away, but I think the physical symptoms like brain zaps and dizziness started to lift in April and probably stopped in May 2021. I believe the initial withdrawal period was 4-5 months. I spoke with a Kaiser psychiatrist towards the end of this period and told him that my symptoms felt different. He cut me off and told me that you will not experience new symptoms when you go off SSRI’s. He told me that my depression could have evolved over the years and I didn’t know because I was on anti-depressants. I asked him when this will end and he said it is so rare that they don’t know, but it should really only be a few weeks (I was already into 4 months). Out of desperation I asked him to just tell me if it isn’t possible to go off Lexapro, do I just need to accept that and go back on. I told him that I’ve read countless forums where people describe this problem and I never see a follow up that they successfully finished the withdrawal. He downplayed forums and suggested that people probably needed to be on the SSRI’s and ultimately went back on because of their depression, but not because of the drug. I told him it was a crime that they don’t educate people about this before prescribing these medications. Post-acute withdrawal: As the physical withdrawal symptoms went away in May 2021 I was prepared to face my old depression symptoms, and I was armed with reading materials about mindfulness techniques and supplements like vitamins and fish oil. I definitely had some low days where I was sad and it was challenging to find motivation. But I also felt different because the anxiety was still around. It wasn’t as extreme as before (I didn’t have to worry about panic attacks), but I had lots of worrying and my mind was racing in addition to the feelings of sadness and inadequacy. I started taking fish oil supplements (1200mg EPA + 900mg DHA)in June/July 2021. My anxiety got worse and I wasn’t sleeping well. It was affecting work so I decided to just take it during my period when my symptoms are stronger. But it was still too much and I tried another brand with a lower dose. Same issues. I give up and try SAM-e, a supplement that should also help depression. I take 400mg a day and I just have light anxiety symptoms. I increased to 2 pills a day/800mg during my period and I got indigestion so I backed down to 400mg. Big mistake - I had insomnia for 2 days. Why am I so sensitive to these supplements when it seems like everyone else takes them easily? During a sleepless night I am doing online research and find Adele Framer’s research article: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2045125320980573?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori:rid:crossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub 0pubmed I cry while reading it because it’s the first time I see in writing that people are experiencing new symptoms after discontinuing a SSRI. That’s exactly what is going on with me right now. At the time of writing this it has been 11 months since I stopped Lexapro and I don’t know if I am treating depression or anxiety. I’m staying on SAM-e 400mg a day because I’m petrified to make any changes without a professional guiding me. I’m taking a B complex/folate/magnesium vitamin luckily without issue. I have a couple good days and then a breakdown that is mixed with depression and anxiety. My mind races and I don’t sleep as deeply now. I’ve stopped drinking, except for a couple drinks a month, and I eat as many veggies as I can. I have irrational fears like my partner is going to die still and I’m guaranteed to have some kind of emotional breakdown before my period. I can’t handle the level of stress that I used to, and have a hard time multi tasking at work because I get agitated and experience brain fog. Suicidal thoughts make their way into my consciousness routinely, and on bad days I don’t think I can go on any further. On good days I worry about when the next bad day will be. I read this article by Adele and cried again because I’m 11 months in and she went 11 years: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2045125321991274. It feels hopeless, but my only motivation is to find a doctor that will guide me through this. I’m here on this forum to find a doctor that will treat the withdrawal symptoms for however long this is going to take. I can’t do this by myself.

Hi all, I was excited to see that this site was accepting new members starting back up January 1st, as I wanted to join a couple months ago and couldn't. I am currently tapering off 20mg of lexapro. I started tapering on 9/01/23 by dropping down to 15mg as suggested by my psychiatrist. I did that and had virtually no side effects. Two or three weeks later I tried dropping to 10mg per his recommendation and bam.... I had a terrible reaction. Worst anxiousness I've ever felt in my life. That's when I started doing my research and found that most doctors don't know what they are doing when it comes to tapering and I also found this wonderful website. I then went back to 15mg and the next day I went down to 12.5 mg. I was on 12.5 mg for three or so weeks and then dropped to 10mg on 10/24/23. I was on 10mg until 12/05/23 so a little over one month. Again, I have had virtually no side affects lowering my dose at any time... just occasion weird feelings in head and I am starting to feel my emotions come back. I then dropped down to 7.5mg on 12/05/23 and took it for about three weeks again with virtually no side effects. Then, the day after Christmas I started to feel pretty off. Very irritable and angry for no reason. I also felt very anxious and started to sweat a lot for about 15 minutes and then it went away. I also started to not sleep as well. My main symptoms were achy or painful joints off and on, lack of focus/brain fog at times, pressure in head, emotional fluctuations, occasional spikes in anxiety, stomach pain/cramps that would come and go, bloating/gas at times, and muscle fatigue. This all started on 12/26/23 and continued until 1/3/24. On 1/3/24 I started to feel pretty much normal again. No issues. I figured this little spell was just my body getting used to a lower dose. Then, around 1/8/24, I started feeling my body kind of slip back into this sucky state that I had previously felt a week or so ago. I am not sleeping as good, though I never feel tired during the day. These past three days have kind of been a blur, but I am managing to get through them. Today has been kind of crazy. Started noticing a sensitivity to loud noises that kind of comes and goes (this is a problem as I work in construction... constant loud noises). I also get these really weird shivering/shaking spells that I cannot control. I do not feel cold, I just start to shiver uncontrollably. I also felt like I was in a terrible mental state... something I have never felt before, but I was not anxious at all. I felt like I couldn't and did not want to eat... which is very much unlike me. I also noticed a gagging feeling coming on for no reason. I then ate some cheese and crackers and bam! Within 5 minutes it was like I was healed. Here I am 20 minutes later typing this out for you guys to hear. Throughout this whole process, I have noticed that exercise has helped tremendously! 30 minutes of speed walking and running on the treadmill everyday works miracles. I am also learning how much diet and nutrient/vitamin levels help regulate the body and mental health. So that's my story so far.... not sure why I never have had any symptoms of withdrawal the past four months until two or so weeks ago. Any help would be appreciated! I look forward to learning and helping others through their tapering journey!

I've been doing all of my research on here, reading as many stories as I can and gather information before embarking on my taper. So I thought it might be time to actually join in. I started on Lexapro in November last year, very reluctantly. I was have a lot of muscle tension that would at times make me anxious because i could get no relief from it. I've had GAD for years, but through years of psychologists I'd learnt a lot of coping mechanisms that have kept me well (enough). 20 years ago I was on Lexapro at the beginning of my GAD diagnosis and for depression. It helped me back then, but have never needed/wanted any meds since. When I started this time I started on 5mg (with the instruction to keep to that for 2 weeks then move to 10mg). I had a rough start with a huge amount of anxiety, dizziness, fatigue, terrible sleep and brain fog. I even had one horrible day that I had to get on a plane for work and got hot burning skin, got even dizzier, and fainted. In the middle seat between two strangers! Awful. The next day I tried the 10mg, thinking it might help. It didn't... surprise surprise! Panic attack, DR, burning feeling on skin, the worst day. I went back to 5mg the next day, and back to 'normal'. I've never been able to shake the bad sleep (I can fall asleep, but wake up a few times and then really early), or the brain fog. I kept on because I was told that I need to give it a couple of weeks for full effect. Then it was six weeks for full effect. I knew by then it wasn't right for me, I didn't want to be on it, and I had zero intention of increasing it. Came here, researched, learned how to make my own liquid from my 10mg tablets and picked a date. The first (and only) drop was 10% on 24 Feb this year - down to 4.5mg. I've got some odd feelings that I don't know if they are WD or the medication itself. They don't seem to follow the same kind of windows/waves patterns I've seen others mention. Mine are very 'routine' which is what I feel is odd. I start out the day fine, even do Pilates in the morning. Take my lexapro at 9.30am and by 10.30 or 11am the heavy brain fog/confusion/unable to keep a train of thought starts. Then by 1.30 the dizziness kicks in along with chills/goosebumps. The dizziness starts to lift around 6pm, but the goosebumps are pretty much non-stop until about 9pm. This pattern has been happening every day for the last two and bit weeks. The middles of everyday are almost a write-off. It's really hard to work and try to be me. I've had one day where it didn't happen, but I didn't change anything on that day. I wish I did, so I could have a reason why. I quite like a routine, so pretty good at sticking to it! Does this seem 'normal' for a 10% reduction? Should I have some of this stopping soon? I was planning to hopefully reduce again after four weeks, but I don't know if this medication is causing me more grief or if I should simply be more patient and tolerate this longer. I'd love any feedback or advice on my odd pattern of daily symptoms if anyone has made it through my super long intro (sorry about that).

I took Lexapro 20 mg last year for the first time ever for situational depression and it helped. But in June 2023 I missed 3+ doses and immediately withdrawal set in. As I wanted to just get off this, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist I jumped down to 10 mg to start the taper. Terrible OCD thoughts set in and in desperation I jumped to 20, then stupidly 30, but things just got worse. I have finally landed at 10 mg and have been holding until I stabilize, 10 weeks now, as my central nervous system was very much destabilized by all of this switching doses rapidly. I had akathisia, serotonin overload, jerking of my arms and legs, hypersensitive hearing and blurry vision for about 2 weeks each. At this dose over the last 10 weeks, though, all of that has improved and stopped, which leads me to believe that I am doing the right thing by just trying to stabilize. The intrusive thoughts have been the worst part that just won't quit, and the constant shameful thoughts, me wondering "What have I done wrong, will this ever get better, will I ever be myself again?" are constant. I look for counsel from other members here who have gone through a similar thing and asking for affirmation that I am doing the right thing by holding. Tapering off is my absolute goal, but I have read enough here that I understand I need to not even begin to think about that until I have been stabilized for a good while. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family in all of this. Any comments and advice are appreciated.

Hi I am currently on lexapro and olanzapine. The olanzapine was used to augment my ssri. I've been feeling flat for a while now. I am not sure if it is the depression or the medication. I am somewhat stable (albeit perhaps lower/flatter mood than most) but am considering waiting a month or longer to check if I am stable enough to start tapering. I have read a lot of stuff here and the tips to taper olanzapine (which I will do first) and will do it liquid based and perhaps 5% of current dose every two weeks and speed up if things are ok, and see if anything improves. May lessen lexapro after a break after tapering olanzapine perhaps or see how I feel post taper of olanzapine. I feel right now it is a big balance of becoming more stable/healthy before tapering as well weighing it up against the side effects of the medication (some cognitive/memory decline and fatty liver/high cholesterol). I guess if things don't go well I can reinstate the olanzapine so that's a possibility. I just worry I don't have the motivation each day to measure the dosages but once I start it probably won't be a big deal I hope. If anyone has any tips or insights I appreciate them? I'll keep posting on my journey once I start it. Thanks.

Hi All - this is my first post and hoping to find some words of encouragement. I recently started taking Lexapro this March and experienced the typical onboarding symptoms for the first couple weeks. Starting in the 3rd week, I felt the constant urge to urinate despite just going. I felt the sensation 24/7 and could barely sleep. I've never experienced anything like this before and I assumed it must have been from the Lexapro. I went to a urologist who tested for a UTI, Enlarged Prostate, and Urinary retention. All tests came back normal. After doing some research on this site I'm beginning to get really worried that the meds caused permanent damage. My anxiety has skyrocketed because of this and I feel like I'm experiencing depression for the first time in my life with hopeless feelings. My wife is pregnant with our first baby that is due in August and I feel like I ruined my life taking these drugs for too long. Has anyone experienced similar symptoms and got better? I stopped taking the Lexapro 2 weeks ago but the symptoms still persist. Any feedback or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. I've been on and off different antidepressants for the last 4 years for Generalized and Health anxiety. - Zoloft January 2021 until October 2021 (up to 150 mg) - Venlafaxine February 2022 - November 2022 - Venlafaxine March 2023 - January 2021 - Lexapro March 9th 2024 - April 9th 2024

Hello everybody. I was on lexapro 20mg for 20 months due to a high stress situation. after months of therapy for stress management I decided to come off lexapro as I felt I had dealt with the issues. Both my therapist and doctor came up with a 6 week taper method . I am now 6 1/2 months off and I am suffering dearly with severe anxiety , fear , depression , and a very odd depersonalized state , plus other symptoms. I know now I tapered way too fast and I am very much past the window for reinstatement. I've had to quit work and can barely function at all. I have noticed that everyday seems like it's getting worse. I used to get windows that were half of a day long , but those have stopped two weeks ago. I'm looking for hope and encouragement as I have a little girl who needs her daddy to be alive. I fear that I'm going to die or become severely disabled for EVER. I'm trying to accept that this will take a very long time to heal from , but I am very very scared that I'll never be the same. I don't take any other drugs , but I do use an ecig with only 1 mg of nicotine. which is about 5% of a regular cigarette. Is it normal to get worse after 6 months off ? Will it get even more worse later ? Does it reach a peak and then get better ? I am very grateful for this site. I only wish I found it before I chose to come off.

Dear all, Thank you for having me here. I have a lot to tell and ask, but I will start with a brief introduction about my current needs and I will edit later with all the necessary details about my past and my journey until now. I've been taking Lexapro 10mg for 8 years roughly. In late September/early October, I've been hospitalized with SI and during my 5-day stay there, they have changed my meds a lot (see my signature below). The first day following my first night there, dysautonomia/POTS symptoms began to appear (POTS, diminished respiratory arrythmia, complete insomnia and many many more). Out of the hospital, my parents' GP continued my Lexapro 10mg prescription and added Zopiclone/Zolpidem for sleep (which only gave me 2 to 6 hours of poor sleep at best). He gave me Oxazepam 25mg or 50mg to use at will. I've seen another psychiatrist later who changed my Lexapro 10mg to Cymbalta 60mg (with a week in between with 5mg Lexapro and 30mg Cymbalta). He changed the BZ for Diazepam (25mg a day to 40mg - I only use 5mg to 10mg) and Z-drugs for Alimemazine (2,5mg 1 or 2 hours before bed). I'm know 8 weeks since the drastic change of my meds in late September and other changes in between as you have seen. My dysautonomia symptoms are still here and haven't changed a bit. I just come back from an appointment with an internist and he told me I was experiencing iatrogenic dysautonomia which he assured me would be temporary (I have big difficulties believing him). He told me those kind of meds changes, especially on a fragile mind like mine were disastrous. He added that the psychiatrist I've seen is notoriously known for bad practice but they can't get rid of her... He said I needed to stop those changes of meds and stay constant. Anyway : I don't know if those POTS/dysautonomia symptoms will one day disappear (I know this website is not aimed at answering this), but as a first step, I wanted to switch back to Lexapro 10mg from Cymbalta 60mg. I wanted to know if you thought it was a good idea. I'm afraid of giving my brain another AD : especially another subtype - SNRI - which will alter again my brain in a different way + I'm afraid of getting hit by strong WD symptoms from Lexapro 10mg soon. The switch in one week from Lexapro to Cymbalta was 1 week ago and I didn't suffer any symptoms. During this specific week, I was on 5mg Lexapro and 30mg Cymbalta. Do you think I can do the same thing to switch back to Lexapro 10mg? My second need would be to help stabilize my nervous system because all my usual tools for this no longer work. I can't do relaxation exercizes or breathing relaxations anymore (dysautonomia symptoms have made my parasympathetic system kinda disappeared and my breathing are no longer relaxing, I'm in a permanent state of stress). I'm in a very dark place for some times now and I hope to find some relief at one point about this. If I can see some improvement on that part, I later wish to be able to go on the journey of tapering Lexapro... Thanks for your help. Viinncceennt

Zoloft started it. Lexapro destroyed me. Long painful story too traumatic to retell or survive but here I am. Brain absolutely destroyed after long taper. 27months off. Poly drugged into oblivion. No hope but I want to be here just to read some stories if that's ok. Thanks

Orignal full title before shortening: 2 Months of lowest dose Mirtazapine, sufferin now for over 2,5 months of withdrawal I would set my signature up properly, but I just can't remember anything. Remeron/Mirtazapine withdrawal still leaves me with such a messed up memory that remembering only 2 things at a time causes me great problems. I can't tell which month I took my Effoxor back then, I'm not even sure about the year. Though I keep great track of the Remeron withdrawal, so at least I can tell that. If you don't want to read the whole story, I categorized the "drug" part in the Drugs section below. There is still some life story though. For the start, I'm currently 18 years old and a female. I was twice in mental hospitals seeking help for a problem that was solved with - you won't believe me - one sentence by my mom. One sentence just cured my whole condition. It may sound incredibly ridiculous, but seriously all of this that you'll read wouldn't have happened if somebody told me this one sentence at the very beginning. And I'm incredibly mad because of this, as I suffered and endured so much pain through the years because everybody was so desperate to prove that I had depression. At 13 years old I had a panic attack caused by a certain phobia which I mistook for suicidal thoughts. I admitted myself to a mental hospital to stay safe, as I was greatly scared that I would harm or kill myself. I spend there 1,5 months and they diagnosed PCOS-Syndrome (hormone problems) and "mild depression". They said I should spend more time with peers, as seemingly it was caused by having an inactive social life (I was quite the outsider at school and would remain. Not because I was shy or something, I was just always such an emotional-artist personality and had interest in completely other things than others my age, so I couldn't connect. Famous people or make-up didn't bother me at all.) On the contraceptive I felt much better, though it made me sleepy, but I needed, need and will probably always need it for without it my body completely breaks down, as the hormone imbalance is severe (more on that later). The phobia-episodes stayed away, emerging randomly for a few minutes sometimes but very rare, until age 15. I think the episode lasted there for half a year and little longer? They acted like panic attacks, up to 3-4 times a day and some days I was free from it. But I endured it, and though it may sound scary, looking back it actually wasn't so bad as I made it out to be when I went through it. At age 13 the panic attacks were much more rarer, you'll see why. So when I had those panic attacks, and I wondered why they were there, they seemed to have no cause, I blamed it on the contraceptives. So I was switched to another one, but I got very irritable on it and punched a wall for the first time ever in my life (I'm quite the peaceful person). The gynecologist didn't want to switch me on another contraceptive (as she was paid by this certain brand to only sell this one - literally posters of this contraceptive brand and calendars and cards everywhere in her place), so I stopped taking it. After few months, not many, my body began breaking down. I was dizzy most of the time, nauseated, I was constantly, literally constantly hungry, didn't have appetite though for anything, I was so fatigued I would sleep literally nearly the whole day, couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, and had quite the anhedonia. That was the worst, the anhedonia. Hormones can really, really do lots. Didn't have period for the whole year of no pill either. When my panic episodes (that I always called mistakenly suicidal episodes), returned I seeked help again desperately - and was admitted to a mental hospital again which mas psychosomatic in kind and didn't treat cases like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. 4,5 months there and no improvement, in fact, I got worse there. The therapist there was also a complete idiot and made just everything worse. He blamed my condition on the family (he'd wish he'd have such a deep bond with his mother), he blamed it on literally everything and called it "depression" all the time, though at the end of 4,5 months they still had no diagnosis because I literally did all paper tests they had and in all of them came out a very low scale of depression. They couldn't identify the cause at all. At first they thought Cyclothymia, then bipolar II, then depression, then this, then that, 4,5 months later we haven't got anywhere. Funny thing is, the therapist wasn't even fully licenced yet. He attended "further education" about psychotherapy. He barely knew anything. The psychiatrists there neither, because they told that "hormones can't do such a thing". Haha. I can attest they really, really do. I should have noticed he was not alright in the head after a few weeks when he told me I had sexual problems because I wasn't interested in sex enough. "Normally, people your age try around their sexuality with friends or so..." no thank you, I'll have my dignity. Next, I had an "oversensitive mother". She "worried too much." Who wouldn't about their child that has been unwell so long? "Normally people your age should go partying at night, and your mother doesn't let you..." first, I don't want to go thank you, second, yes, partying until 01:00 am somewhere in somewhere seems very safe and plausible. But my father who didn't care about me my whole life is the best one! The therapist tried to get me away more from my mother so I would get closer to my father and forgive him for not knowing "how to be a father", which I didn't do which again frustrated my therapist, and with every session he grew more frustrated that he couldn't manipulate me. Everything I spoke about in therapy I told my parents (especially mom), and everything that she spoke about with him in visits she told me. My therapist said he can't do proper therapy with me if I tell everything my parents. He sees a lack of "privacy" in this family. Everyone should have "secrets". What was unnormal to him is that we only have locks on bathrooms and on no other door. "I should be able to lock my door", he said. Which, if he really thinks I have depression, is the most stupid thing you can say. I won't even mentoin the documents I got when I got out of the hospital that he wrote, seriously you wouldn't believe what is written on it. -------------------- Drugs So after 4,5 months of no getting better, no improvement but worsening, they placed me on 37.5mg Effoxor which I responded to extremely quickly and really, really well. Within a few hours nearly my whole condition was gone. Even they were surprised that it acted so quickly, and that already the first one suited me so well, as usually people have to try around to find one that is good for them. Whether placebo or not, it did the thing it was supposed to do - so well that pharma companies could show me as an example of "miracle drugs". (I'm very sensitive to medications/caffeine etc., so I'm not surprised that a low dose works so strong on me). I had also very few side effects. I was placed a few days later on 75mg, and then my whole condition was gone. When I asked if antidepressants really numb feelings, the lead doctor said "no, the depression does that." Tells about everything you have to know about him. On my last visit to my therapist I told him they did nothing, only the drugs helped me. That he didn't like of course and in the documents I was counterargumentet that I "eagerly took part in all of their offered therapies". Yes, it was so boring there that I attended even courses that others couldn't go to and I went in their place instead. If we hadn't any courses - music, physiotherapy - I would take hour long walks with the others because else I woulg go crazy sitting there and doing nearly nothing. They wanted to keep me longer there, but I said "no", as fast as possible out of this place, they were all not alright in the head. And I got really fast out because my mother stormed in and shoved such arguments up their faces, especially my therapist, that he started shuddering. The locks, the "sexual problems", she had no mercy with words. Twenty minutes later I was out. A very few months later we went to another gynecologist, who is a fantastic one. There the PCOS syndrome was diagnosed again, and I was put on contraceptives again (my third) - I responded very well to this one. Unlike the first one, which was good too, this one didn't make me sleepy and I can function to this day without midday sleeps, which I needed on the first one. After half year of Effoxor I had to see my psychiatrist again, as the longer I was on the pill, the greater the "freezing headache" and numbing of the antidepressant came to light. Theory I strongly believe in, again THEORY - this was because the more I gained hormonal balance, the greater the serotonine etc. production functioned again and my body functioned more normally again - meaning, I didn't need the effoxor anymore and it started doing a little more harm than good now. So I was put off it, I was told to taper, but stupid me wanted so badly the numbing to go away that I did cold turkey. And compared to other cold turkeys I read, this one wasn't so bad. Dizziness, very strong headache, a bit of vomiting, that's all. On the second or third day though I took a 37.5mg pill again and tapered this time, opening the capsule and putting the little tablets out of it until only one of the little was inside. Then I had a week or two of mild withdrawal and it was over. As I said, poster girl for pharma with this drug. This year, 2022, on February my "suicidal episode" came back - and it didn't came back like before - this time it hit, at the same time, with such a panic attack that I hyperventilated so badly I got severe twitches and my eyes rolled up and teeth shuddered etc. an ambulance had to be called. They knew it was hyperventilating and I was calmed down with reduced breathing, because too much oxygen. It worked. But now I was left with such anxiety that I became extremely sleep deprived. When I visited my psychiatrist again (I had to wait 2 days for the emergency visit to him), he wasn't able to offer much help besides "taking up an antidepressant again". I said no, no antidepressants anymore. I asked for sleeping aid, so I would get a bit of rest after being much sleep deprived for two-three days. So he gave me a sleeping pill. Without telling me it's an antidepressant. Later I found out it is an antidepressant. Thank you very much. So I was given Remeron/Mirtazapine 7.5mg. When I started it, I became greatly suicidal, with urges to kill my myself and immense hopelesness that was drug-induced. During this time I seriously thought about assisted suicide (and still a bit traumatized because of it, as I never, never had before sucidal thoughts - the suicidal episodes were mistaken, I'll explain later.) I wanted to stop it after two days, but my mom said they need a bit of time to settle and then it'll get better. And it did, the suicidality vanished. I slept much more on it, not very much as since years I had disrupted sleeping, but this time only once a night and I fell asleep quite fast after that. Now, what is important to mentoin as it happened during the taking of mirtazapine, and I had one of those "suicidal episodes" my mom told me - this was the one sentence that cured me - "that it seems like I'm not depressed or anything, but scared." Boom. Done. It all went away. As I googled later, I found out what I had all the time was "Suicidal OCD - an intense fear of suicide and intrusive thoughts about suicide which leave the individual disturbed and distressed." This was also why the episodes got more intense and frequent in time - the more I was scared of it, the more intense it became. When I was distracted, it wasn't there. I remember when blood was taken from me it would disappear for a while, I remember the more hopeful I was the more it disappeared. All in my head. Ones own head, illusion can cause such suffering... fascinating. And indeed, the second I realized this was only a fear and not actual suicidal thoughts, all disappeared. And didn't come back. A few weeks later I would know the difference between this and actual sucidal thoughts. I was very alright on Mirtazapine, had feelings and so on, was myself pretty much. Problem was, the longer I took it the more paranoid-anxious I became (along with more and more damaged short-term memory), which would make me stop it after 2 months - and also by another event. I took CBD oil (I consulted it of course with my psychiatrist first), for it to help me further as maybe this would help my sleeping problems and I could get off mirtazapine. And I took the two together, and mirtazapine didn't react well to it. Got extremely anxious and with semi-suicidal feelings, kind of like when I first took it but half so bad- so I stopped the oil after three days of no improvement, but fast forward a half week later and the symptoms don't go away. So I had to stop taking mirtazapine, on 4th April. At first I became a bit hypomanic, my senses were sharp as never before, adrenal-like, nothing negative much. It went away after two days and was replaced by huge anxiety. It was lowering continuously over the course of one month, and I thought "not so bad", at the end, at first it was bad, but it was going away. 6th of May, it hit, and it hit really, really hard. I never felt this suicidal, it was like when I started taking it but 3x worse. It was accompanied by dizziness, intense nausea, extreme brain fog, anxiety, memory was non-existent, hopelessness rose to 900%, apathy, no feelings. Half of the day I thought about suicide and the other half of the day I was flat, kind of existing. The suicidality was intense, I could think about nothing else - it was nothing like the OCD I had, now I could really, really distinguish between illusion and actual suicidal thoughts. I felt, and still feel such regret of ever taking any antidepressant, I never was so scared about my future before, never regretted something so much. After one, two weeks it started gradually falling and the suicidality went kind of away, along with nausea, etc. What was left was the brain frog, numbness, impaired memory. But it got better over time, and I knew from the beginning it was withdrawal else I would probably have got psychotic about this. Now, a few days ago, second wave hit. Suicidality (but half so bad this time), now I have weird skin sensations sometimes, still much numb (I can cry very well though, I just don't feel the sadness, but the feelings are still there, hidden somewhere.) Brain fog, short-term memory still doesn't exist. Again, intense regret, I'm still so scared it won't end or I will suffer permanent damage, even though it was just 2 months and the lowest dose. What is optimistic though, for the first time since these 2.5 months I responded emotionally to music which opened a window, and I was cycling recently between withdrawal-window-withdrawal. But the fear of no end and permanent damage is still there, and thinking only about the slightest good memory from childhood makes me tip over into intense crying, as I'm so afraid that I lost now everything. There are so many things I still want to do, finish school, a good university etc., and I will only be able to forgive myself and forget if it all ends well, with as little damage as possible. Reassurement of "it was only such a short time, such a low dose, it won't damage you..." leaves me only with a bit of hope. In the past month I read so much about neuroplasticity and learned so much about the true face of psychiatry (especially through "Anatomy of an Epidemic"), and it left me in bewilderment and anger. Had I knew, then I would have never taken it. Never, no matter what and I never will take anything of it ever again. I only found about long-term use damage, so I guess from 2 months and lowest dose I will recover? I found in the Anatomy book that for antipsychotics, the rule is 2 months recovery for 1 month use, and only at the period of over a year or so it might cause permanent damage. I hope it is better for antidepressants, especially since I read so many horror stories I cried about with immense fear, and many I read with hope who came off after 20 years of various antidepressants and recovered well to 100% themselves. Often the knowledge about neuroplasticity, neurogenesis and success stories keep me sane. Incredible what 2 month use of the lowest dose can cause. If it shall end in 5 months, I will endure. I'm extremely endurable, all my life I've proven it. But there is this uncertainity, and it won't let me sleep at times.

I started to taper off Prozac 20mg 5/2020. I got down to 3mg 11/2020. I became depressed. Under the care of my Doctor Psychiatrist, From 12/2020 to 5/2021 I have started and stopped 5 different meds and increase and decrease Lamictal. My brain is a mess. I have had every thing from Brain zapping, brain numbing, paranoia, headaches, insomnia, muscle weakness, unexplainable fear, intrusive thought that have turned into ocd, left side of my face and eye hurt on and off, unable think clearly, slow speech, anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, nausea, weight loss, I can't even name it all. On 5mg Lexapro 37.5mg lamictal, and 25mg of trazadone Started Lexapro 4/3/2021 Slow titration,, my brain is very, very drug sensitive, 4/14 7.5mg. side effects so bad, and anger, anxiety through the roof, doctor encouraged my to go up 4/30 10mg. Could not take the side effects dropped 4/10 7.5mg. Doctor said he does know if he can help me. Told me to stop Lexapro, and go on a med holiday . 4/16 Lexapro 5mg. Holding,. don't know what to do? Do I hold here for awhile. Doctor is no help. He thinks I can stop Lexapro with in 2 weeks. Since I dropped down lexapro 5mg and started L theanine and Magnesium glycinate, things are slightly better. I found a new doctor but can not get in until the end of June. Since I am so close to no drugs I would like to see if I can continue my goal of being drug free. Med history 1995? Prozac 20mg not help anxiety ? Paxil Caused anger stop Serzone More depressed 1998 St Johns wart stop 1998 Prozac 20mg 1998 trazadone 50mg took for a few months stop 2000 lexapro 20mg. 2015 taper off Lexapro, fast taper a few month crash tried to reinstate Lexapro did not work Tried Effexor, did not work stop Oct 2015 Hospital 1 week Seroquel xr 50mg Viibryd 20mg. Did not even get up to 20mg. So drugged, I could not hardly work 30 minutes after taking so dizzy. Stopped at home 12/2016 Abilify, couldn't tolerate stop 12/16 Wellbutrin couldn't tolerate stop 12/16 Stopped Seroquel xr 50mg. To nauseated and couldn't eat. Heartburn Don't remember tapering 1/2016 Prozac 20mg. slight improvement 5/2016 Lamictal 200mg. 5/2020 through 11/2020 taper Prozac down to 3mg. depression and anxiety insomnia 12/2/2020 Zoloft 12.5mg 12/13 25mg. 12/24 37.5mg 12/28 50mg. Bad side effects Felt like brain sitting on eclectic fence 4 day tapper stop 1/5/2021 up lamictal from 200mg to 300mg. 1/13 lamictal 400mg. Brain started ruminating and obsessing 1/17 lamictal 300mg. 1/22 lamictal 200mg 1/22/2021 Seroquel 50mg for sleep Became paranoid. nausea headaches 1/29 stopped 1/29/2021 Trazadone 50mg 4/25 25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg. 2/24 100mg 4/9 75mg 4/21 37.5 2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg. Became hypo manic 2/16 stopped 2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr 3/3 100mg 3/17 150mg side effects to much, arm and leg muscles became very week, nausea headaches 4/23/2021 panicked and stopped. doc not return my call Brain went crazy, paranoia ( should have learned, not to try it again) 4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg 4/14 7.5mg 4/30 10mg 5/10 7.5mg 5/16 5mg Now: 5mg Lexapro 37.5 Lamictal 25mg trazadone L theanine 200mg Magnesium glycinate 100mg Omega 3 2000mg Turmeric 1500mg .5 mg melatonin

Hello! First of all I want to thank all the beautiful heros around here, who share their storys, it helped me a lot to read the success storys again and again to stay focussed and motivated, to keep hope and not give up during the last 2,5 years. I am 35, female. Last friday I hit the 18 months mark after coming off Escitalopram for the third time in April 2020. Most people, especially professionals doubt that the physical and mental symptoms I experience are due to coming off Escitalopram and think it is all in my head. I am very exhausted of the horrible symptoms and having to fight all the time for being supported or even believed. Probably loosing my job and getting no financial support any more at the end of this month, the pressure becomes higher and higher and I am close to giving in and going back in the psychiatric system...and back on meds. I don't know what to do at the moment and hope to get some helpful advise here. Here is my whole history especially of the last about 3 years of struggling: - On holiday in Spain in 2011, while on a city tour, I had a panic attack after feeling faint. After that, I developed agoraphobia with panic attacks – something that has become manageable after psychotherapy. - Having sat the medical exam in 2012, I worked in internal medicine in a hospital setting from 2015 to 2016, with enormous workload and pressures, constant understaffing and a feeling of being out of my depth and overwhelmed while also having incredibly high expectations of myself and my care for the patients. Having reached exhaustion, the panic attacks returned 12 months into the job, and I left. - I restarted psychotherapy, and in September 2016 started taking 15mg Escitalopram (prescribed by a psychiatrist) - I stabilized quickly and took a job as an occupational GP in a very large company in November 2016. I enjoyed that job, felt valued by my colleagues and managers and did’nt feel overwhelmed. It gave me a good work-life balance, and I started volunteering at a charity offering medical support to homeless people, something I thoroughly enjoyed. I had a great relationship, supportive family and friends, enjoyed being active and sporty. - In July 2017, after about 9 months, I attempted to come off the drug, having discussed it with the psychiatrist, tapering by 5mg/ per week over 2 weeks. After that, I felt unwell, was restless, anxious and had stomach issues. The psychiatrist said this was a sign I wasn’t stable enough and 15mg Escitalopram was reinstated. I stabilized and felt better. - In summer 2018, I made a second attempt to come off the drug, but tapered much more slowly. Having reached 10mg we celebrated a beautiful wedding in August 2018, and I then reduced further to 8mg before going on honeymoon in September 2018. A couple of days later I began experiencing panic attacks again, along with exhaustion. I reduced further to 6mg, but then went back up to 15mg because I felt too bad, following psychiatrist advice. I stabilized again. - In March 2019, I attempted tapering for a third time, reducing by 5mg/week over 2 weeks, because the psychiatrist thought the slow tapering might be introducing a psychological issue that was making me feel worse. During the tapering process I started experiencing symptoms, and 3 days after I reached 0mg I was completely floored, with massive physical and mental symptoms. I was unable to work for 3 months, having never been off sick in the 2.5 years before. - There was no improvement after 6 weeks, and so after taking advice from 2 psychiatrists, I started taking the medication again – increasing the dosage by 1mg every 2 days. I had to stop that at 6mg because my symptoms became too severe. - I found a psychiatrist in Berlin who is aware of withdrawal issues, and he recommended to reduce to 2.5mg, which I did in July 2019, the aim being for me to stabilize. At that dosage, I was able to work reduced hours (20-24 hours/week), but it was a constant battle and I felt unwell all the time. - I began to think that maybe I had developed an intolerance to the medication, and so after months of no improvement, I began to taper off it again, following the Horowitz-paper, and reaching 0mg in April 2020. The symptoms got continuously worse as I tapered and got more severe when I reached 0mg. I have been unable to return to work since July 2020. This is a list of my symptoms – although their intensity and the range I may be experiencing on any given day varies. While I never experienced all of them, I haven’t felt “normal” or really well. - autonomic dysregulation: stomach and gut issues (nausea, reflux, stomach cramps, abdominal tension, gut-hyperperistaltic, flatulence and many more), incontinence (in 2019, I wet myself 3 times during the night), difficulty breathing, orthostatic dysregulation, palpitations/irregular heartbeats, sweating - adrenalin rushes/overstimulation of the autonomic nervous system, even smallest stimuli can lead to a fight and flight response - emotional dysregulation: crying fits, extreme mood swings, overwhelming emotions - extreme anxiety: general, agoraphobic, social, paranoia (can’t stand someone walking behind me, feel observed and judged all the time) - depressive symptoms: feeling extremely down, hopeless, desperate, coming and going randomly - myalgia (legs, back, neck, shoulders, arms, whole body) - neuralgia (toes, fingers, earlobes, shoulders, neck…) - headache, neuropathic face, jaw and toothache - abdominal pain - tingling paresthesia (legs, neck, head) - trouble regulating temperature (very sensitive to heat or cold, feeling very hot, shivering with cold), hot flushes, hot skin and feet - extreme sweats at night - trouble swallowing - extreme sensitivity to light, sound, movement and smells, quickly overwhelmed with sensory input, driving or cycling has become difficult, often impossible - dizziness, vertigo - vivid dreams, horrible nightmares, oversleeping - restlessness, agitation - panic, flush, palpitaions, sweating, muscleache in the morning - eye-issues (trouble focusing, burning, dry feeling) - ear-issues (pain, sore feeling) - issues with perception (flickering lights, colour distortion, static items appear to be moving, the floor goes blurry, sounds where there are none) - depersonalisation, derealisation - extreme exhaustion, lack of energy and strength - brain fog, confusion, desorientation, like being on a drug (not off) - cognitive issues with memory, concentration, finding or writing words, reading, understanding - flu-like symptoms - trouble regulating stress (feel overwhelmed quickly) - trouble calming my thoughts, very intense, ruminating thoughts, interrupting cognition - flashbacks (to all kinds of situations, some totally banale) - travel sickness Trigger that provoke/intensify symptoms: - stimuli of any kind, such as light, sound, movement, noice - multitasking - driving (also being a passenger) - eating - physical activity (exercise almost impossible and has been for months, but even walks or getting dressed can overstimulate the autonimic nervous system and lead to a fight and flight response) - screen time - reading - being on the phone - music - conversation, especially talking myself - being in the sun - period and ovulation - social contact of any kind - napping during the day Of course, there have been issues in my life along the way, if that was not the case I would not have started taking Escitalopram in 2016. I struggle with anxiety, but it is something I am addressing. What I have been living through for the last 2,5 years does not compare to anything I have previously experienced, and most of the symptoms I experience I never experienced before I started to take the SSRI. The anxiety I feel since tapering is extreme, complete terror. It is, to be honest, hell. Since April 2020, it has got worse, and I alternate between days where I can cope and do things like take care of the household, go for walks or go to the supermarket, to days where I have to rest a lot, and days where I am house- and bedbound for most of the day. I have found nothing that eases the symptoms, having tried a whole range of things from homeopathy and acupuncture to food supplements (fish oil, magnesium). I meditate daily, do Yin Yoga a number of times a week, eat healthy, don’t drink alcohol or have caffeine, and try to walk out in the fresh air whenever possible. I sleep and rest plenty, but nothing has led to a lasting easing of the symptoms so far. I have had a neurological checkup, including an MRI, have had my bloods and heart checked, all results were great. After all this time, I can’t help but feel huge doubt whether the path I have chosen – accept and hang in there – is the right one. I was convinced I could live without the drug, but 3 years of fighting coming off and the intensity of the symptoms have taken me to the edge of what I can suffer through. My goal to lead a normal life feels a very long way off. I am terrified that I have misjudged this and overestimated my mental health and am questioning myself and my decisions constantly. I am hoping that with your experience, you can give me your objective assessment of whether this indeed is withdrawal, and if I am right in that, if there is anything that might help with the symptoms or move the healing process forward. Thank you in advance from my deep heart for your time and advice. 🙏

Hi, I wish I had found this forum a long time ago. I've been on Lexapro (escitalopram) for almost 9 years now, since 2012. I was on 10 mg for a short time (a month maybe?) and then my doctor increased my dosage to 20 mg. The reason I got on the medication was I was suffering some rough OCD things (I was doing a lot of lock checking, dealing with intrusive thoughts, etc) and also just general depression. I was in my early 20's, working a call center-y job where I dealt with difficult customers on the phone a lot, stressed about picking a degree, and was in a new relationship that had some challenges. My parents had recently both started taking anti anxiety medication themselves, and after telling them of the stuff I was dealing with they thought I would benefit from it as well. Went to the family doctor, who had me take that questionnaire thing and then put me on Lexapro. I don't recall exact dates, but I think I've been taking Lexapro since April or May 2012. Overtime it did help me ease out of my depression and OCD symptoms. But life always felt like it was in a haze. My low moments had been brought up but my higher moments had been brought down. I also had weight gain issues, which certainly weren't helped with my bad diet but seemed to get worse after getting on the medication. Despite my worries about this I continued to go to my doctor yearly to get re-upped on my medication and when he asked me if the medication was still working for me I would just say it did. I think 1) I was worried about going back to how I was before getting on the medication and 2) it felt like the expected answer. The last few times of having these visits I wanted to tell him I wanted to get off the medication, but just gave the same answer that yes it was working instead. I continued to feel like I was in a haze and was frustrated with myself because my career wasn't really doing what I wanted it to do, but I felt no drive to really fix that. Finally last year, summer 2020 (I think July, again I'm having trouble remember dates here), I decided it was time to be done with it, and that doctor as well (due to a visit unrelated to this where I left feeling very frustrated with him, and I didn't even live in that area anymore anyways). I went to a new doctor, told him I was on Lexapro and wanted to get off, and he gave me a plan of halving my dose monthly for a few months. My side effects of going down to 10mg were pretty bad. I was really irritable and angry with my family. I was panicky all the time. I had trouble falling asleep. And I had what I think were heart palpitations, fluttering in my chest. I didn't reach out to the doctor about these symptoms. The idea of halving it every month felt too fast to me and freaked me out. The prescription he gave me had a few refills on it, so I decided to stay on the 10mg for the whole prescription rather than halving it after a month like he said. For my side effects, the sleep issues only last a few days but the heart palpitations lasted two or three of the four months I was on 10mg. I went at the end of the prescription, explained that I had stayed on the 10mg, he asked how it was going and I mentioned some of the side effects except for the heart palpitations. He suggested going down to 5mg for a month or so, then 2.5 mg for a month or so, then doing 2.5 mg every other day for a month or so. He said going from 20 to 10 would be worse than going to 10 to 5 and I should expect my symptoms to not be as bad. He was wrong. The heart palpations came back quickly, just as bad as before. This time I did call the doctor's office and left a message. A nurse called me back and told me it was normal and to let them know if it got to a point where it was too much for me to handle. My immediate thought was that any level of fluttering in my chest is too much to handle but I wanted to get off the medication so I just said okay. So I just gritted my teeth and bore it as those continued for a few weeks. I did 5mg for two months, then just started cutting them in half a week ago. In general, my irritability and anger have been at a high since I started tapering. I think it starts to get a little better just before I lower the dosage and then it seems to get bad again. I have a toddler who likes to push my buttons a lot and has been in a particularly challenging stage of just being defiant to us. This, combined with my general mood issues, has caused a lot of challenges. I'm losing my temper all the time, yelling, and it makes me feel terrible about myself. The heart palpitations are gone, and my sleep is OK except that my son never lets me sleep in, but I just feel either disengaged with what is happening around me or pissed off at everything. I've been taking some CBD tincture daily for a month or two but I'm not confident that has done anything. I'll try to sum up now because this is getting long and disjointed...I'm on 2.5 mg Lexapro and struggling with my mood. I wish so much I could go back and never get on this medication. I think with other resources I could have learned to overcome my ocd without this drug. I was once a pretty relaxed person (when I wasn't being ocd), and now I'm yelling at my son over stupid things and making things ten times worse all the time. Anyway, everything is hard right now, but I'm hoping to push through it. I'm glad to finally be able to share all of this with people who understand, it helps to talk through this.

Hello, I started lexapro for mild social anxiety and was on it for 6 years (3 of those years I was on 60mg which I found out later was 3x the Max dose). I never had any issues on the medicine if I skipped a dose or went up or down in dosage. I abruptly stopped taking it about 2 years ago and had horrible withdrawal symptoms. I went right back on the medicine but was never able to have coffee after that and had palpitations. After that scare I wanted to get off the medicine so last year starting in January i weaned down from 10mg to 0mg in a 4 month period. I never had any issues while tapering off. Then in June (3 months after stopping) one day I randomly felt 2 sharp electric shocks in my head while reading and started to have an onslaught of symptoms after. Dizziness (feeling like a bobble head when walking), extreme fatigue, heart issues which caused me to go to ER a few times, sensitiviy to noise, visual disturbances etc. I went to many doctors and everything was normal. In September my symptoms got progressively worse to the point where I had to move back home to my parents. For the past 2.5 months I have basically been bed ridden am developing POTs type symptoms and have extreme fatigue and dizziness. I tried taking Xanax for 3 days in September, lexapro for 4 days at 1mg in nov and this past weekend I took Zoloft at 25mg for two days and I had a bad reaction to each, especially the Zoloft. I now have brain zaps and shocky like sensations whenever I move my head or eyes. I wanted to get advice to see if this sounds like it’s attributed to lexapro as every doctor has assured me it’s not and if so, if there’s any hope for healing. Thanks.

Basically, I've been on antidepressants since 2017. Lexapro from 2017-2019 (7.5mg) no antidepressants for most of 2019-March 2020. Then a very low dose of Lexapro (2.5-3mg liquid) until July 2023. I felt so amazing on this low dose of Lexapro! My life changed 100% for the better. I was living the exact life I wanted to live. I was working out so hard, my co-workers said I looked like a bodybuilder, I had a job in a difficult field, and best of all no side effects! I was even starting to enter the dating world! Something that I had never done before. The greatest 3.5 years of my life. No drugs (besides Lex), no alcohol, My family thought this Lexapro was like a secret formula! I had an extreme interest in bodybuilding and my whole life revolved around in. I went into an extreme depressive episode (I will talk about it later) when I increased my lexapro to 7.5mg, and only had a 1 month relief from it when I went back to 3mg. It's like all of a sudden now, I don't have any interest in working out let alone bodybuilding. Then in July 2023, I decided to up the dose. I was struggling with insomnia and some increased anxiety. Increased from 3 mg to 4mg. No big deal didn’t really help my anxiety, but I’m still happy and have no side effects. No depression just yet. September 2023 hits and hallucinations are starting to happen. Man, my anxiety is starting to get bad! Talk to my doctor, it’s only natural I up it to 5mg. It’s a pretty standard dose, and I bet my brain will stabilize on that! No depression just yet. In October 2023, I went to my doctor again, and he recommended an increase to 7.5. Hey, not a big increase, but I’ll give it some time. Nope, dumbass me is having a panic attack for literally 3 weeks straight. What then ensues is a Truman Show like 60 days of torture. The worst days of my life. Oh, the life I used to live. I was on 7.5 for a month. I got every side effect in the book. Nausea, vomiting, increased anxiety, SEVERE INSOMNIA (never had sleeping problems, I slept 8-10 hours a night before. Now I’m lucky for 4-5, some nights I even stay up all night). The only thing I didn’t get was the sexual side effects. Not to mention a SEVERE DEPRESSION. Severe anhedonia and apathy which is something I've never had before. Then I went down my Lexapro back to 5mg, as my doctor ordered. Some side effects lessen but no relief. I then go down to 3mg, and life is actually back to normal for a month! I'm so thankful! Some anxiety, but at this point I will live with it. The anhedonia, apathy, and no motivation is gone! Then I struggled with depression again. I have a bad depressive episode and, I see a new psychiatrist and he recommends Pristiq for MDD. I was on 25mg for a month, no relief. I was on 50mg for a month with no relief. My mind and body do not want to do anything ever. Everything seems extremely boring. Nothing gives me any pleasure anymore. I'm so done. I still have kept my normal work and workout schedule, I'm just so mentally fatigued and done. I'm tired of not wanting to ever do anything all day. I have so much apathy, fatigue, and no motivation. I just want to go off of all antidepressants now. I was thinking 25mg for a month, 12.5mg (compound) for a month, and then going off since I wasn't on Pristiq for that long. The weirdest thing has been, I've still been working out on Pristiq, and if anything I've been stronger on most lifts, and I've lost almost all of my muscle. I haven't even lost any weight!

Hi members ! I am new on this forum. I am a 25year old male . I would like to ask for help if it is possible becuse right now i am feeling very hopeless. I Have been taking 10 mg escitalopram for 1 year. i tried to quit 2 times (this was my second attempt) but it did not succeed. Before the medication i had mainly bad anxiety and bad depression too for a half year and it could be that this drug helped me (although i dont really believe in serotonin hypothesis). But i learned exposition therapy and i also thought that it was which healed my anxiety . But because when i learned this new strong mindset about exposure therapy i already started lexapro and my Psychiatrist told me that of course it was the drug so i cant say which was the main force. My first try to quit from lexapro was really bad i did a taper from 10to 5 mg within 2weeks. After that 2weeks with 2.5mg than things had gotten really REALLY bad i think worse than before the escitalopram. I reinstated at 10mg and in a week or two i was "fine again". But last time on 22. on december in 2022 i decided to wean off myself because it does not make me happy at all and causing some side effects. I read this site but in my country there is not any kind of liquid source and also i thought (foolishly) i can do a faster taper. I only wanted go down to 5mg from 10 and after if everything is OK i will wean myself completely later. I took 10 mg on day1 7.5mg on day2 for 1 week. After that 7.5mg for 1 week. Than 7.5mg and 5mg on day 1 and day2 for 1 week. At this dosage some lightheadness started with insomnia and brain fog but i continued because with some benzos and zolpidem they were managable. After that i hit the 5mg and things have gotten worse . There were depression and anxiety too but after weeks they became stronger and stronger. Yesterday after 2 months i hit the hell debilitating depression anxiety ,chills, 0apetite. I am hoping that this could be also withdrawal and not relapse because i want to live without meds and i think the lot work i did for my anxiety was myself and not the drug. Yesterday i gave it up and reinstated the original dosage 10mg and today too.. I far from good, but i am better a little bit yet. Honestly i know i a have to live with some anxiety and depression but i think i could manage that not to mention that my life needs a lot of repair too which i have to do on my own (finding a nice partner mainly) but this debilitating depression, sadness, anxiety what i got again makes me sad and tries to believe me that it was and it is all the 10mg escitalopram which helpes me not my self improovement and therapie. Sorry for the long text and the possible grammar mistakes but english is not my mother language.

Hi amazing people! I’m so glad to find this site after all these years. I’ve been on Lexapro for about 4 years. Started with 5mg, took months to adapt while being almost dysfunctional (unable to stay awake, tired and numb, etc.), then tried 10mg based on the doctor’s recommendation, symptoms appeared again and I resisted taking the increased dose so stayed on 5mg. In one occasion on holidays I missed 3-4 days and I had horrible symptoms: crying spells, drowsiness, etc. a few months ago I saw a consultant in the hopes of getting off the medication but he said I better switch to duloxetine instead! I stopped Lexapro and started Duloxetine 20mg (or is it 25?) and again, severe symptoms. A week into the misery, I read up more to find out how severe the symptoms can be in the long term with duloxetine withdrawal. I contacted the doctor, but neither himself nor the on call doctor were available! I waited several days and eventually switched to lexapro. This was in January. My general practitioner had told me before this that I can split the pills in half and take 2.5mg for a month and then take it every other day for another month and then stop. Now I know that this isn’t the best solution and I need to step down more slowly, however I’ve been taking the 2.5mg (or whatever that I get from the splits that are far from perfect) for 35 days. I was all fine until this week. I’ve been having a dry throat (as if I’m starting a flu), subtle trembling, dizziness and headache and fatigue and body ache. Unfortunately my doctor isn’t available until Monday and I’m struggling quite a bit. After going through some of the posts here, I just took another ~2.5mg half this morning (I take my usual dose at night) and I am hoping it will help me cope better. But in the meanwhile I would like any words of wisdom you could all share with me. I have no support and I live alone, so I can’t afford not to work nor function regularly.

Hi Everyone, Im so glad I was referred to this site from Reddit. I’ve been reading the forums over the last several days before signing up and introducing myself. Here’s my history and where I’m currently at. I have been on Lexapro 20mg since summer of 2007. Starting in 2016 I began experiencing debilitating left jaw pain and left eustachian tube dysfunction as a side-effect of the Lexapro. I did not know at the time the Lexapro was causing these side-effects. I was grinding my teeth so badly that I thought I had trigeminal neuralgia in my left cheek. In November 2019 I was prescribed Cymbalta 60mg by my neurologist at the time for the pain in my face. I was on Cymbalta 60mg until February 2020 because it killed my libido. Went down to Cymbalta 30mg. Stayed on 30mg until August 2020 when my neurologist reduced the dose down to 20mg to being to taper off the meds completely. In October 2020 I began to experience withdrawal symptoms from the cymbalta: vertigo and adrenaline surges. I did not know at the time that these were related to the cymbalta withdrawals. A few days before Xmas 2020, my mind began to catastrophize about the holidays and death and I was sent into a constant state of adrenaline fueled panic attacks that did not stop for five days. I spent Xmas Eve in the out patient psych ward. They gave me hydroxizine and sent me home. I looked for a psychiatrist and was able to get an appointment with my current psychiatrist two days after Xmas. He switched me back to Lexapro 20mg. On the morning of the second day of taking the Lexapro the adrenaline stopped surging and the panic attack state stopped. I was stable from then on until August 2021. In August the panic state returned, this time without the adrenaline surges, and lasted for two weeks straight. My psychiatrist prescribed me gabapentin 300mg x3 daily. The gabapentin saved my life. I was on this regimen until May 2022 when I felt stable enough to begin to taper off the Lexapro. I went from 20 to 15 to 10 to 5 about a month at a time until I finally came off the Lexapro a month ago on October 15th, 2022. I began tapering off the gabapentin and have been off it since Halloween. The panic state returned Sunday night and I’m back on the gabapentin but not the Lexapro. The gabapentin keeps my brain from catastrophizing but I can feel underneath the gabapentin that I’m still having the panic attack: heart palpitations, chest tightness and some pain, butterflies in my chest, paresthesia in my arms and hands. I’ve read about the 10% dose reduction and about going back on a smaller dose of the Lexapro to stabilize and start the taper again at the 10% rate. I’ve been off Lexapro for a month now. I don’t know if I’ll kindle by going back on or not. I’ll stop here and wait for replies from mods and you other guys who know so much about what we’re going through to get healthy again. Much love!

Hi Everyone! I’m so glad I found this forum. I hope it’s the right one for me. I came here because an antidepressant was the start of my problems. Also, I have been unable to find a forum just for people trying to get off mood stabilizers. I was put on 10 mg of Lexapro at age 36 during a moderate depression in 2004. Before long, I was told that I had a “mood disorder NOS” and 600mg lithium was added in. Eventually, I was told I had Bipolar 2 Disorder, dropped Lexapro, and 100mg Lamictal was added. I think it’s very odd to be diagnosed with BD2 at age 41. I happened across videos by a lovely man, Dr Peter Breggin. Before long, I showed them to my husband. We both knew that we had to get his book and get me off these toxins! My psychiatrist reluctantly agreed to go along with us. He called Dr Breggin an “outlier”. My taper began March 11, 2020. I took my last pills on May 14, 2020. I had a very uncomfortable week in the middle of April, but otherwise was holding it together pretty well. About two weeks after I took my last pills, I began to have more symptoms. I haven’t had a normal day since. It’s been about three weeks of ups and downs. I’m waiting for “normal“ to come back. I have had these symptoms: -hypomania in the form of over-talkativeness, scattered energy, and insomnia -anxiety, frequent but fleeting panic attacks -depression symptoms that affect the body, such as tiredness, low motivation, sensitivity to lack of sun. I have not felt the hopelessness or despair I had when I was diagnosed with depression in 2004. -I have light headaches when I feel depression symptoms. -I have heard a “buzzing” in my head, only for one day though. -I struggle to drive further than my local small grocery store. I fear highways. It’s almost as if I’m a student driver. I’ve gotten mixed up a few times. (I’ve driven for 32 years with a good record.) I hope to gain some helpful information here and I hope I can help others. I feel rather alone, knowing nobody else in person who has gone through this. Sometimes my family doesn’t seem to really get what’s going on with me, though I try to explain again and again. My husband is a treasure! He was the one who adjusted my meds for me and filled the boxes every Tuesday night. May God bless him for it! He is the wind beneath my wings. ❤️

I'll keep this post simple because I don't care to complain so much. For reference I'm 31 and male. I had a bad reaction to 5mg of escitalopram (prescribed for anxiety and mild depression) on February 22nd that left my head burning for hours. Earlier the same day I also took Lion's Mane (which I didn't realize at the time has MAOI properties, there's barely any research you can find about this through Google). I'm pretty sure it was a case of serotonin syndrome. I felt spaced out and overly jumpy/reactive and the doctors at the hospital didn't really seem too concerned about my condition because I was otherwise still conscious and that was good enough for them I guess. They're not very competent when it comes to identifying SS. I had also noticed immediate side effects (genital numbness) while I was using the washroom which left me very concerned. 8 hours of my time was wasted with basic testing and a chest x-ray and they sent me home with a blistering headache like it was nothing. My brain was basically fried and I could barely string words together. I've been eating completely healthy since the incident (lots of fish and meat) and stopped drinking caffeinated tea/coffee. I also take certain supplements here and there (Maca, Citrulline, Vitamin C/D, Magnesium Threonate/Glycinate/Taurate). The persistent symptoms I have are anhedonia, DP/DR, heightened senses, anxiety, vivid dreams (that are seemingly mocking me), and sexual dysfunction (ED, PE, etc). The timeline so far is very odd because a lot of the really bad stuff didn't hit me until a month afterwards. First week: Initial withdrawal. Numbness, GI issues (subsided), feelings of hopelessness/doom, and suicidal thoughts. I had to sleep in my mother's room one night to prevent myself going mad. 1-2 weeks: Still numb. Genitals extremely sore and I had a lot of trouble urinating (bladder control). 2-3 weeks: Constant mild head zaps/pressures/aches, otherwise no changes. 4 weeks: Genital soreness/numbness mostly gone, but things still dysfunctional. Woke up with full-blown DP/DR exactly on day 29. Intense headaches, tons of anxiety, muscle twitching. 5 weeks: Same as week before, though less pronounced. 6 weeks: Volatile mood shifts, crying, poor blood flow all over, constant muscle aches/weakness, still some twitching, dry mouth, inconsistent thirst signals, less/no hunger signals. I'm now just over 6 weeks (46 days) and I'm feeling very discouraged. My libido is still nonexistent, my brain is a mess (I can't enjoy my primary hobby anymore: software development), I'm struggling to find any meaning to life, and I have nobody to talk to that actually understands what I'm going through (I was okay with being a loner before all this, but now it's somewhat upsetting). My sister was the one who encouraged me to try this SSRI (she's also on it) and I haven't really felt like talking to her since a month ago due to what happened. My mother and my cat are currently the only support I have so far, aside from one random guy on Reddit (the PSSD sub is generally too depressing to read and every other is full of pharma shills). I'd be grateful if anyone can help me make sense of my situation. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't completely lost my s*** yet.

Hello, 47F currently on 20mg Lexapro, have taken 10-20mg the past 6+ years for anxiety. I’ve tried weaning off a few times over the course of those 6 years, but life circumstances always arose that made me go back up on my dose, or start up again. I got 100% sober in 2015 from pot and alcohol and haven’t relapsed. Don’t want to go back to that life. I’m in a really good spot in my life right now to talk to my Dr about trying to wean off again. He’s been my Dr the past 5 years, so he knows me pretty well. How I’m in a good spot: came out of the closet at 40, been married 3 years, my job of 15 years is in a really good groove, I exercise and meditate regularly, don’t have any bad people in my life, have a great sober network of friends. Physically/spiritually/mentally stable. Been doing a bunch of reading about tapering down. Want to talk to my Dr about liquid Lexapro to go down in 10% increments, but not sure if that’s available in the US. I am considering the method of tapering down one day a week to 18mg for one week (keeping my 20mg the other 6 days), then taking 18mg 2 days a week the following week (keeping my 20mg for 5 days), etc etc, then keeping 18mg 7 days a week for 6-8 weeks. Does this sound too slow? I also plan to track my mood either on a physical journal or an app. I plan on telling lots of friends and family what I’m doing so I can have them in my supper circle, if I haven’t mentioned it already. I am terrified of the withdrawal effects. But I want to try again, to taper off completely and use all my coping skills I’ve been using these past 6 years, so I will be able to stay off Lexapro for good. I’m tired of the side effects. Constantly craving carbs, sexual side effects, you know what I’m talking about. But I’m also aware that I may never be able to completely come off them. And that will be okay. I’m open to that possibility. I think in the past when I tried to taper down, I did it too quickly, and the effects were too difficult to handle. I’m so grateful for this site to help me in this process.

Good Afternoon, I am currently three weeks off Lexapro today and feeling pretty rough. Looking for some positive words of encouragement and help. I got sick early August, which spun me into a month and half or so of Health Anxiety, mind you this caused me to loss my appetite, used to sleep good and now its terrible, etc. My sleep is still bad, appetite has been back. CT scans, blood work, urologist, cardioligist, emergency room, etc. All came back clean. ER doc told me to try Lexapro, 5 Mg, so I did the research and gave it a shot. I have never been depressed and my anxiety has been hit or miss, situationally(big meeting, flying, etc). I went on to take 4 doses between Sept 7th-10th. Hated the way it made me feel. Numb, emotionless, spacy, intrusive thoughts (which I have never had), wake up sweaty and crazy anxiety. Everything I read said it would get worse before better but I could not take it and stopped CT. Didn't think about withdraws, but for the next two weeks had on and off intrusive thoughts, still terrible sleep, etc. After another night of 2 hours of sleep, I said screw it, im going to try it again. This time I took it for 9 days, and 2.5MG on the 10th day and said Im done, something isnt right and its making me feel 1000% worse. Since then 10/11 was my last dose. i felt fine right after, slept for 7 hours(broken sleep though) the two nights after and felt good the follwoing two days. Then things have slowly crept in. Insomnia, appetite is fine, intrusive thoughts we bad for about 14 days but have subsided, now Im feeling dizzy almost, kind of car sick feeling, off balnace brain fog, DR/DP- but feels like its lifting. two nights ago slept from 9:30 to 2:40, woke up to pee then back aleep until 5:15. Was stoked. woke up feeling pretty good, then just slowly as the day went felt off blance and car sick feeling and would go in and out of that. Then, right before bed, I was scrolling the web looking up symptoms, etc and came across some stuff that scared me and sent me from feeling calm, 60 resting heart rate to fight or flight engage and only slept for an hour or so last night! I am also waking up middle of the night with heart racing as well, dreaming alot when I do sleep, very clear dreams. Is this normal? I have NEVER taken medication until now. Just need some words of encouragement. Im young, 36, was very active, but feel blah now and tired, but cant sleep. How long does this last, any words of advice?

Hello everyone, I really should be thrilled since I'm close to the finish line. However, my withdrawal symptoms are a pain today. I have been wrenching this whole time on 2.5 mg and eventually I vomited today. Usually, wreching happens in the mornings and then it subsides but today it has been rough. I'm curious as to know if any of you went through the same thing? I can't seem to get my stomach to not be upset with me and I'm just miserable right now. Any suggestions on how to stop or lessen the nausea and vomiting ? I've taken Ginger Chews and Ondansetron (it lasts for several hours), but if there is something else let me know how you decompress from this mimic gastroenteritis. or maybe I should go back to 5 mg/2.5. I think after I wrote down my history I get why I'm vomiting. Perhaps, I tapered off too soon from my 5 & 2.5 mg. If symptoms still occur, especially the vomiting then I will go back. (Nice to know I'm the dumb ass here that tapered too soon from the dosage lol) Also, another thing: I know that aches and pain can be one of the withdrawal symptoms, but have any of you survivors gone through lower/upper body back pain through this??? I thought it was just me getting old, but apparently my spine is good. Got an X-Ray/MRI done and the space between them has nothing grinding against the other (thankful for that) and none of the nerves are, either. So no surgery or anything. I'm going through rehabilitation, which seems to lessen the pain and I use a heating pad and take Epsom salt baths but the pain still persists. It's pretty weird. I was active in Pilates Fusion routines and ran (I stopped running about two years ago.), but now I changed to Yoga (not advanced Yoga. Just beginner's) and use a Elliptical. Anyways, just want to know if any of you have/are suffering from back pain from your withdrawal symptoms. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ My history with Escitalopram 10 mg : First time: Went cold turkey. I was naive and just went into it. Not recommended. Started September 2022-October 2022. Found this sight and started to taper off Escitalopram. October 2022-January 23, 2022: 10 mg every day January 24 2023-April 10, 2023: 10 mg & 5 mg every other day April 11, 2023- July 1, 2023 : 5 mg everyday July 2, 2023- August 4, 2023: 5 & 2.5 mg every other day August 5, 2023- present: 2.5 mg everyday