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Hi all, I had a toxic break in mid 1990s. Was self medicating due to unresolved childhood trauma. I wasn’t coping with how difficult my life had become. I wasn’t making wise choices - but not all of us in our early 20s do… Parents called crisis team and I was told by psychiatrist I had a chemical imbalance and would require endless drugging. I replied I know my life is out of whack - I’d read R.D Laing at uni and asked if there was somewhere I could go to get help sorting everything out properly without the chemicals. “No.” My parents believed the genetics/chemical imbalance myth. I tried stelazine and mellaril but the akathisia was instant and felt awful. I stabilised without them for some time. I had a couple more toxic breaks and in 2003 my parents arranged a forced admission with the same psychiatrist. I was shot in the arse with god knows what. I had bad akathisia and they gave me cogentin. I was supposed to have skin ointment nightly as well but half the time the orderlies just couldn’t be bothered with that even when I told them it was part of the regimen. Not reassuring. After two weeks I was out of there and my father demanded I take the prescription if I was to stay with him. At no stage was a physical done. I would’ve been malnourished to say the least - couldn’t afford decent food. I moved away with friends, took 10mg olanzapine daily and became obese - ugh. It was a pretty relaxing time though, which helped. I was able to return to work. Later on I came back and my mother helped me get diet and exercise happening to lose some weight. Thank heavens I didn’t have an office job then or it wouldn’t have been possible. I lost 30 kgs. Keeping it off is hard though with the olanzapine. I tried risperidone for a couple of years to lose weight but it was of marginal help and was more uncomfortable to take. I asked the psychiatrist since I’ve been stable for many years can we look at getting off. “No.” Do you ever work with addressing the root causes with therapy? “No, we don’t believe it affects this.” I discovered yoga which has been enormously beneficial and I’d recommend to anyone. I wish I’d listened to my aunt and done this when I was first having issues before my break. Exercise is another must. A few years ago I had an abusive neighbour move in next door who beat his de facto and he wasn’t friendly to me either. Somehow my psychiatrist thought this would be a good time to try me on aripiprazole. At first it was liberating as I had much more energy but that rapidly turned into overstimulation and anxiety. I switched back. I moved away from the violent neighbour. The two nice things I’ll say about the psychiatrist are a) he didn’t stack me on multiple drugs and b) he was ok with me setting my own dose…to a point… I was easily able to get down from 10mg olanzapine to 7.5, then 6 2/3, then 5 with a pill cutter within a year. So my script was now for 5mg. After some time I tried 3 1/3mg and it was obviously a no-go zone. I just hung out on 5mg for a bit longer. I found a clinical psychologist who helped me with the usual family patterns, boundaries, spoke to trauma, helped with relationships etc. This has been very beneficial and I drink much less after that. A friend observed “I think you could get off your meds”. I was skeptical but started researching. This was an eye-opener: https://www1.bps.org.uk/system/files/user-files/Division of Clinical Psychology/public/CAT-1657.pdf It was validating my initial understanding that this was all about how I wasn’t coping with trauma, rather than innately ‘broken’. This was the first document I gave to my mother who was initially terrified but is now supportive of me coming off. I discovered Peter Breggin, reading “Your Drug May Be Your Problem” in horror. But it was empowering as well. His book “Guilt, Shame and Anxiety” helped reduce my anxiety substantially. He has a newer book “Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal”, which I also recommend. There is Peter Lehmann’s “Coming off Psychiatric Drugs” too, which is valuable but a harrowing read! I told close friends and some family what I was doing. Having a safety net is the way to go. Over five months I was able to taper down from 5mg to 2.5mg by agitating a crushed tablet in a known volume of filtered water, then removing a gradually increasing portion with a large syringe (no needle!). I came down listening to my body 0.1 or 0.2mg at a time then holding for a few weeks. It was a bit of a bumpy ride but have been able to hold down my job and relationships ok. Not that it’s pleasant or easy, but it is navigable. Thanks Rhiannon for sharing your experience on making suspensions of the compound in water. I hung out at 2.5mg for six months or so. This is the smallest tablet size they sell. My family and friends have been commenting on how much more ‘with it’ I am, able to join them in more nuanced conversations again. This is extremely welcome and I realised how much I’ve been missing despite having a lot of good people and things in my life already. I took my mother for moral support and went to see the prescribing psychiatrist (same one all the way through). I started explaining that I was prediabetic, had high cholesterol, was having (apparently undiagnosable) joint problems and rheumatism, getting allergic rashes (I saw the other day the NPS web site advises people with this reaction not to take this drug!), getting hot flushes and unable to stand heat (pretty hellish in Aussie summers), and more. He didn’t want to hear about my plan - his reaction: “Keep taking it.” I said as if that wasn’t enough, what about TD? He said “Oh, it’s not that bad.” I was glad mum was there as a witness to this appalling advice. I asked him for a script for 2.5mg but he said “It’s too low. I can’t support this. I will not see you any more.” Good riddance! I got the script from my sympathetic GP. Many of these horrid symptoms have reduced or abated with the lower dose. Some remain. Fatigue is a bear. The stragglers are just a waiting game I suppose. My clinical psychologist has been supportive the whole time and confirmed my essential stability during the reductions. Her reaction to that was “well, if he says 2.5 isn’t enough, yet you’re stable, it’s a good sign that you can probably do without it altogether”. I’m now working with a clinical psychologist on the trauma I perceive as the root of all the major issues. If I’ve learnt one thing, it’s that you have to take charge of your own healing. No one else can do it for you. Shop around and find supportive crew who will back you up - they’re out there. Breggin observes that signalling helplessness is what lands you in hot water in this rather unhealthy society. I’m continuing my taper, coming down around 2mg olanzapine at the moment. Thanks to this site I’ve found the importance of the compound taper and have made a spreadsheet to manage it. I'm doing a microtaper - it's going reasonably at 10%/mo for now. It's not comfortable and some days at work are hard. But I know it's worth it. Looking at the receptor occupancy curves for olanzapine I found via this site I can see I’d already be over half way through the dopamine adjustments. That would explain why I’ve got more animated for a bit after each cut. This initially concerned mum but she’s now learnt about withdrawal symptoms. The 5-HT2 curve lies ahead, for the most part. So this could take another year or two - I’ve been poisoned with this garbage for a long time. Better though to ride it gently down and not hammer my body too much, or destabilise my life, for the best chance of a good outcome. Despite every day wanting to be rid of it ASAP. Epsom salt baths and yoga are helping me a lot. Thanks for creating this forum, Altostrata. Before the net, I probably would’ve just concluded 3 1/3mg wasn’t enough rather than learning about the taper, and been stuck.

Hello I always wanted to return to the site and thank all that helped me in the dark hours and also the forum owner and originator for the tireless work that has helped so many people Heres my thread when I first asked for help http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6865-andy-hello-tapering-from-zyprexa/ I wont go into how I finally quit the drug because it wasnt the normal 10% approach although I tried 5 times and failed miserably.I found a good understanding doctor who helped me reduce and more than anything listened to me without prejudice.This helped enormously,I finally jumped off at 1.25mg and to be honest it wasnt to bad,by far the worst reduction was going just under 2.5mg,I had severe migraines ,nausea,heart palpitations,sickness,depression,mania,mood swings and relentless insomnia.The insomnia was by far the worst symptom as it made me anxious and very irritable ,all this while trying to be a good father and holding down a very stressful and demanding job.Of all the drugs I was put on Zyprexa was the hardest to quit,it was hell and back but it can be done I have recently started my Taekwondo training again that I practiced for over 15 years but couldnt while I was on this terrible drug,I now feel calmer and sleep well.I put on over 3 stone while on zyprexa even though I ate a well balanced diet,I felt lethargic and had no interest in life,that has all changed and the weight is coming off steadily. Excercise has been the most helpful tonic for me and even when I had had zero sleep I went to my class and worked out.It slowly but steadily improved my sleep and made me feel confident again that I could get over all of this,when you start to see improvements you start to see light at the end of the tunnel Things are heading in the right direction and my outlook on life is positive once again.I feel good Once again thankyou for all your help and for people just starting the journey dont ever give in it can be done,god bless you all Andy

Hey all. Though as I write this I feel relatively healthy, I prefer to quit anyway. My history of this treatment is long, tough and spans 6 years. Started with Sertraline and anxiety which led me to develop psychotic symptoms, though very few of these symptoms - 1 or 2 to be exact. Either way, I suspect my diagnosis is off the mark or entirely wrong because I've had friends tell me I am healthy and family members tell me it's been 2 years since they saw symptoms of my "chronic" illness. Strangely, if we diagnosed me according to DSM and other books then I would just barely qualify for a psychotic disorder in the past, but totally not in the most recent 2 years - I got better. Anyway, as of today I settled on Zoloft 50mg and Zyprexa 15mg (brands of Sertraline, Olanzapine). These are totally ok for me. Or so I thought! Here is my plan. Blood tests came. I have high prolactin. Remains to be figured out whether this high prolactin is from sertraline or from olanzapine. All I am sure is that I definitely have poor libido and some anhedonia which are typical for high prolactin. Better if it's sertraline 'cause I may keep on taking olanzapine in that case. This is the straw that broke the camel's back, since I believed these drugs to be 100% safe for me. How do I plan to come off these drugs, and will it go well? I will just persuade my doctor to give me a tapering plan. This is my own tapering plan based on my experience and how these drugs work with my body: Sertraline, month 0: 50 mg month 1: 25 mg month 2: 0 mg Olanzapine, month 0: 15 mg - month 1: 10 mg - month 2: 7.5 mg - month 3: 5 mg - month 4: 0 mg Cheers!

Hello Everyone! My psychiatrist provided me Zyprexa (20 mg) to divide and use PRN when "manic." I took one 10 mg dose, then a series of 5 mg doses over three to four weeks. Since my first dose, I have continued to experience brain fog, memory loss, and depersonalization. My family intervened and (fortunately) the total exposure was 55 mg (maybe less). My average daily dose was around 2 mg over the nearly the month I took it. The last 5 mg dose was on June 6th, 2022, this was when the tinnitus began but has seemed to improve some (though still present). [Withdraw Begin] Tuesday (June 14, 2022): I was lethargic and vomited after eating a meal, while experiencing loose stools. Slept all day after taking a Zofran. The timing of this makes sense, as this marks (nearly) four elimination half-lives of Zyprexa. Wednesday (June 15): Napped all day and my family went out to eat. I was very removed from the conversation, feeling trapped in my mind. After nearly 20 minutes, I just remembered that I went to the grocery store and package store. My anxiety began to manifest and only slept four hours that night with 10 mg melatonin. Thursday (June 16): I cannot remember this day at all (which was yesterday). I faintly remember being an anxious wreck having to pace. I entirely forgot that I went on a car ride with my mom. I woke my mom up in distress around 2:30 am to help talk me down (I thought this happened yesterday). I have no idea if I slept last night or not, if I did it was very light. Friday (June 17): I don't remember this morning. I think I sat anxious for hours until my mom gave me 30 mg of CBD. This seemed to help for several hours, allowing me to go outside and do some yard work to sweat. This, combined with the CBD, made me feel like I had improved some. This feeling has somewhat wore off three hours later. I am concerned with getting sleep tonight. I am feeling very hopeless. I reached out to my past psychiatrist which assured me nothing I'm going through is likely permanent, though I wasn't able to give him nearly enough detail. My current psychiatrist still has not returned my call. I have several questions (well, reassurances... I understand no one can tell the future): (1) Has anyone else experienced this severe of memory loss and recovered (preferably within six months)? (2) Based on my history (low total dose, short length of treatment, current symptoms), are my withdraw symptoms normal? (3) Would going back on a low dose of Zyprexa improve my recovery? I went off of the drug for the same issues I have now and would be skeptical to consume more. (4) My cognitive issues are seemingly worse without the medication in my body, is this normal? I began magnesium, fish oil, and stress B-complex today. I believe my brain will benefit from not staggering these. I intend on sweeting everyday. Fortunately, I have a very supportive family and do not have to worry about anything other than recovering (I'm 25 years old). I feel like in the past year, I have been robbed of my intelligence and personality. I was supposed to return to college in two months, but that is likely out of the picture. I am hopeful for beginning this spring in six months. I have read so many horror stories from Zyprexa causing lasting damage. Thank you all for your support!

My journey started with Xanax for school anxiety in 1989 when I was 11 and progressed from there. It was short term and innocent enough but that was my introduction to medications. I realized early that doctors didn’t understand the medications. We would call the doctors and staff nuns because when they talked about the drugs they sounded like a virgin teaching sex ed. I started on Prozac after a tricyclic overdose I probably shouldn’t have survived so I understood the need for safer drugs. After a couple years on Prozac I started feeling and acting weird. When I read ‘The Crucible’ I compared the effects of the rye toxin to the SSRI side effects I was experiencing. They switched me to Paxil (with a side of Haldol for the ruminating thoughts) in 1995 as a minor so I feel like lived through 329, complete with an emotional lability event and all. I spent the next 27 years on and off Paxil until I stopped in 2022 and this time the withdrawals (pacing aka) never went away. That is what brought me to this forum. I feel like an idiot for not discovering this site sooner. So much of what I read here is just different words for things I have written about for 30 years. I canceled cable news and social media around 2011 and I assumed sites like this were just misinformation and no more reliable than the medical journals or drug companies. Fortunately, I’ve become really good at taking in new information and knowing when to admit I was wrong and then change my opinion. It’s humbling to admit I fell fell for misinformation, but along the way I also realized how much I was right about. I think a lot of the people here have had a similar journey and I thank you for the work you have done. I got really good at using nutrition, exercise, sleep management, mindfulness/meditation and stress management to manage my health after I stopped the Zyprexa and Lithium almost 20 years ago. I was never able to stop the Paxil and eventually learned how to doctor shop and circle the right numbers to get my prescription filled. I wasn’t planning on stopping when and how I did two years ago, but bad luck happened I ended up doing a short taper without medical supervision. I was arrogant and overconfident and have paid a high price. At this point I am skeptical if reintroduction or tapering would help but I remain open minded. After 27 years of Paxil I realize I am an extreme case and I may be looking at years of healing. I quit drinking without much effort and lost all the weight I gained from meds (80+ pounds) and have experienced the associated health benefits. I feel like things are going in the right direction despite the symptoms. I have been fortunate to find a good open minded therapist but not as lucky finding medical doctors familiar with akathisia and withdrawals, although I hope that will soon change. I’m in a good enough place mentally, but the endless pacing and health rumination is exhausting and at times overwhelms me. There are a few other things in my history that may be relevant and I also have a lot questions, but for now I just want to get this posted.

Status: Current Dose: 2.14 mg = 21.4 mL (3.6 mL Reduce) Starting next 5% reduction; increasing frequency to weekly. If 5% weekly reductions are tolerable, increase to 10% weekly reduction. If 10% weekly reductions are tolerable, continue until the end of taper. Story: I started taking Olanzapine for: Obsessive-compulsive disorder Psychomotor Agitation PTSD / C-PTSD Insomnia Nausea Lack of Appetite ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) Bruxism While Olanzapine does help with a lot of these symptoms, I no longer wanted to rely on it. I had two previously terrible withdrawal experiences trying to quit cold turkey from 10 mg and 2.5 mg. It took these terrible withdrawals to realize I would need to taper. My stabilization at 2.5 mg has still resulted in mild tardive dyskinesia, akathisia, tics, and tremor. I believe my previous cold turkey attempts have made these things worse than if I had started with a taper to begin with. I am not happy about these things, but I have found a way to live with them and hope it will get better as I get off. I am back in weekly Therapy which helps. I have a life partner that provides physical/emotional support. I have a plan and I just need to stay the course and see it through. I think the hardest part about this has been accepting that you have to start and maintain such a long journey. So far I’ve been very lucky that my reductions have not resulted in withdrawals. I hope I can maintain this for further, larger, and more frequent cuts. Someone in the Facebook group was able to do 10% every 10 days… perhaps a bit too ambitious, but I won’t know until I try. Just trying to stay alert and prepared for if/when I push it too much, and being OK with having to scale back the amount/speed of the cuts. I am extremely grateful to the people who have successfully done this before me, both on here and in the Facebook group. hayduke stands out as someone that really helped make me feel confident in the Water Taper. My hope is that I can put all the information and links that I’ve used here to help confirm that my strategy is sound, and that it can help others in the future. Complete History (each start/stop is a new line): November 1 2023: Start Olanzapine 2.5 mg/Fluoxetine 25 mg November 8 2023: Stop Olanzapine/Fluoxetine November 29 2023: Start Mirtazapine 7.5 mg November 30 2023: Start Olanzapine 5 mg December 21 2023: Start Mirtazapine 15 mg December 27 2023: Stop Mirtazapine and Olanzapine January 1 2024: Start Olanzapine 5 mg February 2 2024: Start Olanzapine 10 mg March 1 2024: Stop Olanzapine 10 mg March 12 2024: Start Olanzapine 5 mg March 30 2024: Start Olanzapine 2.5 mg April 24 2024: Stop Olanzapine 2.5 mg April 30 2024: Start Olanzapine 5 mg May 1 2024: Start Olanzapine 2.5 mg May 28 2024: Start Olanzapine 2.5 mg = 25 mL Water Taper: 5% every two weeks Olanzapine 2.5 mg Water Taper: Using 30 mL, 10 mL, and 1 mL Syringes with a 60 mL Amber Glass Jar and 2.5 mg Olanzapine Tablets Use 30 mL Syringe to add 25 mL of water to Amber Glass Jar, then add a 2.5mg tablet Now 2.5 mg = 25.0 mL 30 min in the fridge Stir well with 1 mL Syringe Use 30 mL Syringe for tens place Use 10 mL Syringe for ones place Use 1 mL Syringe for tenths place For Example: 2.14 mg = 21.4 mL (3.6 mL Reduce) Consume: 21.4 mL: 20 mL of 30 mL Syringe, 1 mL of 10 mL Syringe, 0.4 mL of 1 mL Syringe OR Take Away: 3.6 mL: 3 mL of 10 mL Syringe, 0.6 of 1 mL Syringe And consume the remaining. To Calculate Doses: https://reversepsychiatry.org 2.50 Start End 0.05 Taper Percent: 5 Decimal Precision: 2 Shift decimal point one place to the right for dose in liquid mL For example: 2.50 mg is 25.0 mL Can also use Dose Calculator-Final.xlsx from the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/449194779623649 Files > Dose Calculator-Final.xlsx I added columns for Dose (mL) and Reduce (mL) Supplies: 2 oz Amber Glass Jars with Lids, Bumobum 3 pack Small Jars with White Labels & Inner Liners, 60 ml: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09ZP6WY25 12 Pack Plastic 30ml Syringes: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CJT8DWLN 12 Pack 10ml/cc Plastic Syringe: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CJHKT2S6 12 Pack of 1ml Plastic Syringes: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CJHR16QF Sources: Facebook Group: Olanzapine/ Zyprexa tapering support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/449194779623649 Files > Dose Calculator-Final.xlsx I added columns for Dose (mL) and Reduce (mL) “I am down to 0.66mg using the water taper with next to no withdrawal symptoms. Dropping 5% every two weeks. I started at 2.5mg. I make a water solution using 25ml of water and a 2.5mg pill so that 10ml = 1mg. I use a 10ml syringe for the .6 part of the dose so take 6ml of the solution to equal 0.6mg of medication and then I use a 1ml syringe to measure the 0.06 part so I take 0.6ml of the solution to equal that part.” How To Taper Off Of Olanzapine, Fluoxetine, ect. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRDKvxZsgoo hayduke: coming off olanzapine / Zyprexa: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/20131-hayduke-coming-off-olanzapine-zyprexa/ Tips for tapering off Zyprexa (olanzapine): https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/3743-tips-for-tapering-off-zyprexa-olanzapine/

Hello all, just found this site and was looking for some advice on tapering off antipsychotic's. It all started about 11 months ago when I was prescribed saphris for depression by my pdoc to augment pristiq, (I know I should have known better). All was fine until about three months in when I started slowly developing anhedonia, just a complete lack of interest in life, it messed up my endocrine system, and destroyed my short term memory. Having successfully quit seroquel cold turkey in the past I thought saphris would be a breeze.... Boy was I wrong, only managed to make it there days in before the overwhelming anxiety (which I've never had before)and insomnia drove me back onto it. After three failed attempts to taper off(lowest dose is 5mg and couldn't cut sublingual wafers any lower), my pdoc suggested switching to 10mg zyprexa for two weeks then stopping that cold turkey, well that was a mess again, had anxiety from hell and insomnia. Again we tried switching over to seroquel which failed.So now I'm back on zyprexa (with a whole new set of side effects)with the plan of tapering off at a rate of -1.25mg every two weeks, currently I'm down to 7.5mg with moderate anxiety, intermittent insomnia and an insatiable appetite. Just wondering if this is too aggressive a taper, I only have tablets available so I'm just relying on cutting them into quarters. Just want off this pharmaceutical merry go round, feel as though I've been lobotomized.

Hello, I'm new here and I want to share my story. Sorry if it is a bit long. When I was 8 years old I had very bad OCD and was put on Risperidone for around a month. I don't remember feeling bad on it other that I gained a lot of weight. Now I'm 18 years old and back in June this year I had extremely bad panic attacks(it was my first time experiencing them, and they lasted for hours) because of exams and bad OCD and ended up in the ER 2 times thinking I was dying. There I was given olanzapine 2,5 mg (to get trough the nights to be able to take my exams). I can't understand how I was able to pass them in that condition. I ended up immediately in the ER after the last one. Then after one week I still had extreme anxiety because of fear of having another panick attack(I was experiencing them constantly) and I went to the psychiatrist looking for salvation. There the doctor still kept the 2,5 mg olanzapine for sleep and gave me 0,25 mg xanax a day, and escitalopram 5 mg. I still experienced severe anxiety and panic attacks for some time but the fact that olanzapine sedated me in the night made it bearable. Because of severe anxiety I upped my dose of Xanax to 0,375 mg. After one month of this treatment I started to have less symptoms(my headaches and dizziness dissapeared, my heart rate began to return to normal values, the feelings of anxiety were fewer and fewer etc) and I decided to get rid of olanzapine because I didn't like the sedation it gave me (12 hours of sleep) and other weird sensations(my psychiatrist told me to quit CT because it is low). One week after stopping it was great, I was sleeping good and felt more alive again. Then the horror began. I was getting insomnia(I would randomnly wake up around 2 am), muscle aches and burning sensations all over my body, extreme anxiety, nausea, bursts of crying and feeling I was soon gonna die because I couldn't bear the sensations. Then I began taking it again and I slept for one night. The next one I wasn't able to sleep even with it. So I started to lower the dose and bear all the feelings. I was on 1,25 mg about two weeks and 0,625 mg for almost 2 weeks. During that one month taper I began to feel better and better, I thought that everything will come back to normal, and I even lowered my dose of Xanax to only 0,25 mg a day. I thought it was enough for this dose that is considered low. It wasn't. After one week of taking my last dose of 0,625 mg olanzapine I started to have insomnia again, and starting to feel aches all over my body. I developed a weird nausea(which is unbearable at certain times) accompanied by constant restlessness, agitation, increased heart rate, need of constant movement, tension and severe pain in all muscles in my body, night sweats and tremors. I feel suicidal again because I feel I can't bear the pain these sensations give me. At this point the only thing keeping me alive is my mom. I'm only 18 and can't understand why I have to go through this nightmare. I've read a lot of information and came to the conclusion that this is probably withdrawal akathisia. The fact that people say this can last for months leave me feeling hopless. I was meant to go to college in another city, to start my life. I will lose my few friends if I stay home and I will not have how to socialise, but I don't have another option. Everyday it's a struggle, and I force myself to survive this hell. (This was written 3 weeks ago) I am now able to sleep decently even though it is a bit hard to relax before falling asleep and I tend to wake up several times in some nights. Muscle and joint pain, accompanied by severe muscle tension is still present almost constantly at different intensities trough the day(in the first 2 weeks of withdrawal I couldn't sleep because of the pain). I don't feel the urge to pace anymore as in the first week but I still feel very uncomfortable in my body. Another symptom that drives me crazy is the nausea that comes and goes, it feels like burning and extreme pressure. I also have an overwhelming feeling of internal agitation. I remember in the first week begging for death every second as I felt as my soul was tortured. I had very bad crying spells with my mom that suffers together with me(I remember saying to her that I cant take it anymore). I was so bad that I thought I will end up in the psych ward. Now I'm better emotionally but I still struggle with all the overwhelming physical symptoms(They are so intense sometimes that I wish I could cut my limbs off). I made a mistake last week and reduced my escitalopram to 3,75 mg(25% reduction) as I was so angry at how some pills could make me feel, but I learned that I should wait to stabilize before tapering more. I am currently on 3,75 mg escitalopram and 0,15 mg xanax. I don't plan to reinstate anything as that can be dangerous as well. It's hard to accept this new reality.

Hello everyone. Don't know where to start. Firstly excuse my english because it is not my native language. My first experience with psychiatric drug was with elicea in 2015 when I visited my first psychiatrist (can't remember the dose). Took it for 2 months then stopped cold turkey. Suffered severe depression and brain zaps for short period after that. I recovered. Also I took xanax occasionally then and in 2017. 2018 took xanax more often for like 3 months (never more than once a day, 0.25mg, maybe 0.50mg sometimes). Never suffered withdrawals after I quit. At least nothing that I am aware off. Fast forward to august 2018 I visited another psychiatrist and was put on calixta (mirtazapine), can't remember the dose atm. Took it until december or january when she got me off it cold turkey and put me on seroxat. Never had any problems until I started noticing double vision (ghosting) of bright letters and lights from a distance but It wasn't that bad. After like 3 months on seroxat she wanted to switch to zyprexa and diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. Keep in mind that I never suffered psychosis and was only depressed and unmotivated person. I had trouble with my insurance and needed to sorted it out first because it is an expensive drug. I quit seroxat first around april this year. Never had any problems except the double vision one. After I got my insurance in june I started Zyprexa. First I was on smaller doses (2.5mg-7.5mg) then i got to 10mg on september. I started losing interest in my hobbies and got very suicidal and depressed. She started me on zoloft around middle of october (first few days on small doses then on 25mg) and cut my zyprexa dose to 7.5mg. Around 13th of november (a week ago) I decided to quit both drugs and stop poisoning myself after a very fast tapper (few days). I am in hell since. I have lots of symptoms (most are probably from zyprexa because I took it for longer) but what I find worst is not sleeping. First I was very tired and sleepy from not sleeping but recently I am never tired and I probably don't even sleep one hour in total. It is scaring me. I always slept on my back but now I can't do that because my mouth make a weird noise and I start panicking. I am very scared and don't know what to do. I was thinking of tappering but going back to drugs scare me. I am afraid I will never sleep and my brain will detoriate. My god what have I done to myself.

Hello, I was prescribed olanzapine 10mg three years ago for postnatal psychosis. I have experienced side effects from this so they kept me on it sometimes upping my dose. I was also put on sertraline two years ago. I am now on 10.7mg of Olanzapine and 100mg of sertraline.I plan to lower my olanzapine 5% every two weeks until I get to a lower dose of 2.5mg then I will lower my sertraline before coming fully off the olanzapine. I have not yet discussed this with my doctor I will ask him to prescribe me a lower dose every three months when I see him as he does not agree with me coming off of it completely.

hi, Alto I went to a local pharmacy and they helped me to compound 2.5mg pill into 2.mg. but they changed it into a capsul form. would that make a difference. now my son is taking 2.5 pill and 2capsule. what you think. the pharmacist said it is fine.

I am in the process of tapering off zyprexa. I started zyprexa in 1996 and and was on 10mg until i decided to start reducing in October 2017 . I reduced it to 7.5mg for a year, and than 5mg and in April 2020 i began 2.5mg. Have been on 2.5mg for 4 months now The only thing i find difficult is the lack of deep sleep and the pain in all my joints...the pain in my joints only started happening since i started on 2.5mg..Also lower back pain, first i thought it was from my bed mattress but i changed beds and no relief...and i havnt injured myself in anyway....all i can put it down to, is my reduced zyprexa. Also since reducing it to 2.5mg i have been getting face sores...always had good skin up until then...so thats a problem that annoys me.. I am planing on staying on 2.5mg for the next 6 months and than try and taper at 10% reduction each month over 12 months to zero.. i want to do it slowiy as it affects my ability to sleep. I have to somehow figure out how i can taper off so slowly as what i have read is the tablet it isnt soluble in water...I live in Australia and am looking at compounding labs to find out if i can somehow have it done...I have been on this drug since 1996 and i am over it...i am doing it on my own with no doctors apart from just getting my repeats from my GP (not a psch doc). any advice would be most appreciated. cheers

Dear All, I wish I found this website before. I had a psychotic break November 2019, I was put on 5 mg Olanzapine. It was reduced to 2,5 January 2020. I started to become anxious and in March I had a night when I couldn’t sleep and was shaky. I was put on 5mg again. It solved the problem immediately. In August it was reduced again to 2,5mg. First two weeks I was feeling fine, after that I couldn’t sleep and was restless. I didn’t know anything about withdrawal. I slept only a little for weeks. I really wanted to reduce the drug so I was holding on waiting for a relief. After a while I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed sleep so I agreed to go back to 5mg again. Now I’m back to 5mg again for five days but I’m still shaky and sleep badly. What should I do? Please give me advice many thanks

Hi everyone. Im looking for some sage advice. I have been on 2.5 mg of Zyprexa for about 2 years. I decided it’s time to get off this poison. It’s caused me to gain 60lbs ..it’s given me high blood pressure and worst of all it makes me feel easily overwhelmed.. like the flood gates have been opened on my anxiety and depression. Previously I was very Even keel , even under pressure. I was a great Multitasker, and really good at troubleshooting and problem solving. I DO NOT feel like myself anymore , I lack the ability to feel love, joy or happiness of any kind, and forget motivation. the only things I can feel are anxiety, depression and Dred. I WANT OFF! I don’t care how long it takes but this s**t has to go! I have taken myself off antipsychotics before but usually right after a hospitalization. Because if I was stable I wanted off the meds ASAP. I did this with resperidone and with paliperidone. I was fine for 4 years… then 5 years before having another “episode “ . For me, an episode is being awake for days on end until psychosis sets it. They can’t fit me into a Schizo affective box because it doesn’t happen often enough or without lack of sleep. And they don’t think bipolar quite fit’s either because I’m not “manic” I’m simply awake.. feeling like I have electricity buzzing through me. I can be awake for days, physically, exhausted, and sleep, just will not find me. So the solution was ( of course ) Antipsychotics. Not addressing my sleep deprivation… or trying to find out why my heart would race every time I tried to lay down .. waking me up every time I even attempted to sleep… No , they just fed me antipsychotics. Because in all of that information all they focused on was the psychosis. knowing full well that anyone who goes without sleep for long enough will eventually go psychotic. But they take advantage of your weakness in these moments. Making THIS our only way of fighting back. It’s infuriating and disheartening. ( sorry for the rant ) Anyway, that’s the history. If you’ve experienced something similar I’d love to hear from you. ok back to Zyprexa. so I ordered a very expensive tapering strip protocol from the Netherlands and 3 days in I was right back in my danger zone. I was up for 3 days straight before I Reinstated at the original dose of 2.5. Luckily that did it, and I slept like a rock. Now here’s the tricky part … in those 3 days the dose was only reduced by a total of 4% overall. ( this was supposed to be a hyperbolic micro taper ) And my nervous system could not handle a 4% reduction!!! Now I’m terrified. I know now that I have to go even slower but I’m unsure how to do it now. I’m thinking about a micro taper of .001mg like I’ve seen people do for benzos, only holding for a week instead of trying to reduce every day. Im not crazy about shaving and weighing pills but I’m not really sure what other option there is at this point. there’s very little information out there on the intricacies of antipsychotic withdrawal. Even the newest information from Dr Horowitz doesn’t address the need for micro tapers.. their smallest increment being 5% which is obviously to much for me. So I have come here to gain some insight from people with lived experience. I need REAL help. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thanks everyone.

Quit zyprexa and an antidepressant at the end of 2016, felt hell since then..im not healed yet tho but im better physically ..my emotions still numb somehow..i would give it a year or so to feel my emotions back..this drug was a big lesson wich im willing to share with my descendants.

I'm joining this forum because I cold turkeyed off of Seroquel (quetiapine) 200mg, 4 months ago. I am currently taking Zyprexa (olanzapine) at 5mg/night. I also take 4mg of Xanax nightly. I first want to taper off of the Zyprexa. I tried to cold turkey off of it, and I got THE WORST on fire headaches and mild nausea especially on Day 7. I just saw my psychiatrist and asked for a 90 day's supply of (2) 2.5mg tablets. In his 25 years of being a psychiatrist, he said he's never worked with anyone to taper off of an antipsychotic. I was initially on 10mg/night. What I realized is on that dose, you'll turn into a zombie if taken 2 nights in a row. With this drug, my psychiatrist agreed with me that it's better to be on a lower dose nightly, as opposed to taking it every other night. The main reason why I was taking Zyprexa was for sleep. However, I think it also had other therapeutic effects. I'm a highly sensitive person, and I think it was also keeping my baseline anxiety down. However, it takes me a few hours in the morning to wake up, it really affects my memory/concentration, and I'm on a weight loss journey. I'm 5'10 and before I stopped Seroquel, I weighed 185lb. Now 4 months later, I am down to 156lb. I do barbell training and medical keto if that's helpful. Right now, I only want to focus on the Zyprexa taper. If that is successful, then I will focus on the Xanax. I was initially going to focus on the Xanax, but I wasn't aware that the Zyprexa withdrawals would be so rough.

I began my time on meds when I had Postpartum depression in 2009. I was prescribed Escitalopram 20 mg and also was given Clonazepam for anxiety and sleep. I took 2 mg doses. I didn’t know benzos were dangerous so continued to take them pretty regularly for the next 14 years, along with the AD. I finally went into tolerance withdrawal in May of 2023 and had insomnia and anxiety. In July I did a rapid taper and was off the benzo in August. I was also switched from Escitalopram to Sertraline 100 mg, then given more meds to try to help the insomnia-Mirtazapine, Quetiapine, and Trazodone. Nothing really worked. I also took Gabapentin for anxiety. I was taken off all these meds and switched to a combination of Zyprexa and Prozac in October 2023. The Zyprexa has helped with sleep, but I am now tapering it since it’s not a good med to be on long term. Currently at 7 mg. My doctor switched me from Prozac to Trintellix, telling me I could stop the Prozac abruptly and start the new med. My question is, can Prozac safely be stopped abruptly and a new med started? I’m very discouraged and don’t know where to turn. I want to be off all meds as they are not helping. I actually think that the polydrugging plus benzo withdrawal has increased my depression and anxiety.

Hi, I have a long history (18 years) of psych drug usage and have been on antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilisers. I recently (1 month ago) started Zyprexa again because I had a crisis, and this time it didn't really work as well as it had in the past. I took 10mg and I passed out and felt awful and later was admitted to a private hospital, where various other drugs were added. I am now on 2.5mg Zyprexa and would like to get off it because I am pre-diabetic. Given that I have only been on it for a month, is a 25% reduction per week ok? I have withdrawn off it before and I am petrified. I feel in general that my mental health has declined quite a bit this year, so I am not sure if I could handle the withdrawal. Having said that though, going off it gives me hope that I will feel better and have my cognition back. Is this a realistic expectation? Zyprexa withdrawal is very rough. And unfortunately Zyprexa has affected my memory quite a bit. I am quite confused too at the moment, because I have seen too many shrinks and they all have different diagnosis and views for me. My shrink of 18 years pretty much gave up on me recently because I discharged against his advice from a private hospital where he consulted. I only did this because he wanted to start me on Abilify to replace the Zyprexa and after one dose, I had horrible side effects which he didn't believe. My life is in a complete mess at the moment and I am very sad at what psych drugs have done to me :__( Thanks Rico

Seeking advice to taper Olanzapine after two failed attempts Dear forum First of all, and after spending some hours browsing this forum, I'd like to congratulate you for the support you have given to so many of people in need. Please keep it up and God bless. To my story: After a breakdown following both work and marriage issues at the same time, I found myself in a psychiatry ward here in Germany beginning of June 2022. As I couldn't sleep due to trauma and compulsive thoughts, I was first put on quetiapine (dose unknown). I did sleep for a couple of hours, but after waking, my thoughts would be racing even faster compared to when I fell asleep. After discussing this with the responsible doctor, I was switched to olanzapine 10 mg. I left the ward with this dose beginning of July 2022. I was suffering from muscle weakness at that point (my only symptom as far as I can remember), but as I learned more and more about the long term effects of olanzapine, I decided to start tapering, always discussing this with a psychiatrist. September 2022 I went 10>7,5>5>2,5>0 in a weekly rythm. It all went smoothly until 2,5 mg, but 5 days after the last 2,5mg dose that I started feeling strange. Bouts of anxiety, chills, poor sleep, and finally, I stopped eating. Couldn't even force myself to eat. Eventually, I discerned that it must be withdrawal symptoms, and went back to the doctor. He confirmed, put me back at 2,5mg, and told me to hold for a month. Which I did, and I felt ok again. End of October 2022 I started the second attempt. I was to do a week alternating the 2,5mg every other day, then stop. Well, 3 days after stopping the last dose I started noticing my hunger go away again, as well as my sleep. I immediately went back to the doc, that gave me the option to go back to olanzapine, or take promethazine for the sleep issues. I first agreed to the promethzine and went home. However, I then decided to hold off for another two days, to see how things went, but well, things went down the drain. Acathisia, suicidal thoughts and a general sensation of doom came into the mix. I reconsidered taking the promethazine, as sleep was the least of my problems by now, reinstated the 2,5 mg olanzapine, this last week, which is where I am now. I don't think this second attempt went without leaving a mark tough. Before, I would go to bed at 9pm and fall asleep like a rock and slept through 6am. Now, I struggle to do so before 11pm and wake some time around 5 am, struggling to find rest again until 6am. I've also noticed something like I would describe as anhedonia for the first time, which I didn't have before. So, I would kindly ask for your support answering the following questions: 1. Have I sensitized myself already, given the new symptoms? What do you reckon? 2. How long should I at least wait until my next tappering attempt? 3. I understand the concept of a 10% taper by now, but would a 25% taper be totally off the charts, by cutting the tablets? I'm struggling the whole time thinking about the process of crushing tablets and making suspensions 4. To support the tapers, I started myself on 440mg valerian each night two weeks ago, as well as 30 drops 3x a day of passionflower. I had some heart rhythm issues that seemed to go away with this. How should I proceed with these two in your opinion? Hoping to hear from you soon. Kevin

Am I in the right place to ask about advice to taper medication as an advocate for my husband?

Hello I recently withdrew from two psychiatric medications, Zoloft (Sertraline)and Zyprexa (Olanzapine) after a 15 year forced dependency which started when I was court-ordered to take them in 1998 for depression. In Feb. 2014, I finally quit the pills for the 4th and final time. The withdrawal symptoms were quite severe, probably similar to those of heroin, only instead of the people who care for you trying to help you get off the drugs, in the case of psych meds., everyone is dead set on you continuing to stay on them. I went about 6 straight days without sleep while trying to get off the pills, constantly throwing up all over my apartment (my parents had to bring over a steam cleaner to clean up all the huge piles of vomit, while at the same time admonishing me to go back on the meds.) I developed extreme lightheadedness. When I would turn my head to look at something it would take a moment or two for my field of vision to catch up. I suffered from those brain shocks which I thought might be some suppressed memories of the many rounds of ECT that were administered to me, against my will, back in the mid 1990's. I nearly died on a couple of occasions during the withdrawal as my blood sugar levels plunged so low that I was forced to crawl to my kitchen and shove wadded-up pieces of white bread soaked in either oyster sauce, fish sauce or salad dressing (for proteins and sugars) into my mouth to avoid collapsing on the floor, but somehow I did it, I got clean. I had kicked the pills cold turkey three times previously (twice in 2004 and again for 10 months in 2005-6) only to be put back on them. The last time in 2005-6, I had been given the choice of either taking the pills and being given a bed in a local group home on a 0° F January evening or else to go rough it in a snowbank (I had been evicted from my apt. after falling a month behind in rent). The pills (Zoloft originally at 200mg that on my own advice I scaled back to 100mg at the time of my withdrawal. Zyprexa originally at 17.5mg that I had reduced to 10mg) basically ruined my health. Within a couple of years of starting on the meds in 1998, I had gone from a lithe and slender 6' tall 160 lbs man to a portly 230 pounder,, with all the weight gain going into my belly and thighs (Blech!). My cholesterol and triglyceride levels tripled. I had copious amounts of diarrhea daily. My blood pressure was absolutely wrecked. When kneeling down or squatting on my haunches, at say a grocery store or maybe a bookstore, to look at something on a low shelf, upon rising I would start to nearly black-out or swoon due to massive head rushes and would have to hold on to shelving for about a minute or so until I regained my vision and sense of balance. And from about 2006 on, I became no more than some sluggish, gorging hibernating animal that slept between 12 and 16 hours a day, sometimes as much as 20 hrs a day (watching T.V. was my only other occupation) where I would hardly more than move from my bed to the couch only to fall asleep 3 hours later for upwards of 4-6 hours, sometimes for as much as 10 hours. I was sleeping so much that when I woke, I often had no idea if it was early morning or late evening. I would have the most awful and depressing nightmares of being strapped into a dentist's chair while doctors would be cramming every conceivable pill down my throat in an attempt to kill me. The sedative-like effects of the drugs, combined with a horrible and untreated case of sleep apnea due to smoking and a severely broken nose as a teenager, left me completely fatigued all the time. I usually only left my apartment once a week to stock up on groceries. Since the harrowing experience of withdrawal, my health and spiritual well-being have greatly improved. I began a 4-6 mile a night brisk walking regiment and starting biking between 10-20 miles a day which resulted in me losing 45 lbs in 3 months. While before on the pills, I could hardly stay awake, now I can barely get to sleep. My insomnia is sometimes so bad (3-4 hrs of sleep a day, often none) that I resemble a real live? zombie (I call my condition, Inzombia) but considering how low my spirits had been on the pills, I'm just happy to live an active life again, even if I do suffer bouts of sleeplessness. I've spent several hundred hours since early last year either volunteering picking up trash from local parks and lakes or else helping out at a local thrift store and my creative spirit has flourished. I have filled something like 15 fifty page notebooks full of my poetry (both of a serious and humorous nature) and have written many short pieces of memoir, one of which is entitled In Servitude to the Devil, and is about my nearly indescribable and entirely hellish experience in 1995-1996, when for six months, I suffered from brain damage and akathisia brought on by the forced administration of Resperdine, Prozac and Paxcil. I thought I might end this piece with two short poems of mine The Psychiatrist His pills amount to fool's gold; his lab-coat: starched and anti-sceptically white He professes to be a doctor, but he's a neuro-nazi in my sight. A Reflection On Our Times So much lust and vanity under the sun Surely God is our pariah as we have our fun.

Hi. I was at psyc ward after psychosis and my sleep was not perfect so i was put on zyprexa. I accepted to get out of there. I was on 20mg 2days then 10mg for 10days until i was released. When released I stopped cold turkey and and waited 3-4weeks before withdrawals came. Worst was my complete insomnia.. didnt sleep for 7 days so i had to reinstate. I went back on last dose 10mg. Immediately i felt it was a bad idea but i had to sleep. i tried to taper it off over a month. I had all side effects you could think so finally I just stopped again and used sleep pills to beat insomnia. Problem now 6months later(stopped oct2015) is that i still have insomnia. barely sleeps at all(1-4hrs) What advice do you guys have? From what ive read, this forum advice me to start on a small dose and taper from there am i right? I really dont want to reinstate since it slmost killed me but i dont know how to solve this either..

I was looking for something else and ran across these articles. Apparently there has been an association for nearly 20 years now that anti psychotics, especially risperidone, used long term can be a potential cause of pituitary tumors. Recent studies are firming this up and finding an association. Great 🫢 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30531551/ https://journals.lww.com/psychopharmacology/Fulltext/2012/12000/Atypical_Antipsychotics_and_Pituitary_Tumors.1.aspx https://corporate.dukehealth.org/news/antipsychotic-drug-may-be-linked-pituitary

Hi, I have no psychiatic history. I was forced on zyprexa after an external stress reaction waking me up with high blood pressure and pounding heart beat, pressure feelings in the brain, need to urinate often and a fear of what was happening to me with these severe physical reactions. Having no idea I gussed maybe poison at first but with doctors finding nothing I thought perhaps sudden electrical allergy due to the new 5G test nets I read other people were worried about. I didn't know I was that stressed and that that could be the reaction. But that's what I think now. Being unable to sleep for 6 days and finally desperately trying to sleep outside of the city to avoid radiation I utltimately went to the psychiatric ward to get sleeping pills I got the diagnosis psychotic symptoms and they wouldnt let me out even though I felt okay again after first night off sleeping with medicine they gave. Initially they tried to force me on 20 mg zyprexa but agreed to 10 mg after a negotiation. There was also benzo and a sleeping pill they put me on but I have succesfully gotten off those. They wanted me to stay on 10 mg zyprexa when I was let out after two weeks and they said I should continue the medication till next appointment and they gave me 4 different other medicines to use if I felt I needed (benzos etc). I had gone from being a person having no medicine at home to one having the whole bread box filled. I never used any medicine but zyprexa though. On next appointment they said I should stay on zyprexa till next meeting again. But after a month they finally agreed to give me a tapering plan and I wanted as quickly as possible since I dont want to be on medicine in general since I used to be a healthy guy without. Also I really didnt think I was that sick, just had a long term stress reaction. They said it nothing bad with this medicine, just protective. I got the plan 2.5mg down every two weeks. During this time I read that the drug causes brain atrophy and was very scared of being on it and why the doctors had told me just the opposite. I followed the plan with biweekly check ups and finally I got to 0 mg, but sleep disappeared after two days. After two weeks of 0 mg with no sleep instead, anxiety, tremblings sweating, pressur in head, burning inflamed feeling etc I became more scared of what was happening to me then I was of taking another pill. I called psychiatric emergency and they said I had to go back up to 5 mg. That not working I tried 7.5mg and then 5mg with a sleeping pill too. But I still got no sleep. They said it was the underlying illness that was causing problems now. I said I slept 12 hours on 5 mg before going to 0 mg and they changed subject. Also I didnt think I had an illness just a stress reaction initially. Having searched for info myself the tapeing I got seems more like a cold turkey. Having been on 5mg for a while with sleeping pills that also didnt give sleep I weaned off the sleeping pills and also started weaning zyprexa, still scared of atrophy, but careful to go much more slowly having searched for my problems and read this forum some. Sleep wasn't returing so no point being on high doses I felt. Also my trust in their "health care" recommendations is not really 100% percent after this. Im not sure I've ever slept since december last year but Ive gotten less tired after getting up duing the days so by feel 0-4 (assumed) hours while also getting down to 0.12 mg zyprexa. Approximately 10 days ago I jumped to 0mg again (6 months past) and felt ok for four days, but the 5th day had diarrhea and spasms, burning sensations and only 1 hour sleep instead of lets say 3 that Im used to, 6th day also head ache increasing and 1 hour sleep. I called sick from work thought maybe it was covid. Being very scared to lose my sleep even more permanently I went back up to 0.12mg for two days in case it was withdrawal and last night 0.25 mg due to spasms and restelessness in bed, I almost called emergency psychiatric care but got 1 hour sleep finally with the dosage doubling. And now we're at today. I hope I can stay on 0.25 mg tonight and stabilize. What should I do? Im considering calling the pro's again but this forum has seemed to have better methods as far as I've read. What should one expect when dropping to 0mg even from a very low mg? Im thinking maybe I should never try 0 mg again and just stay at 0.25mg or so. I don't fear use of zyprexa so much at these low leves. Or if health allows some time from now taper to 0.06 mg (smallest plausible part for me) and do it every, then every other day, then every third? is this a viable super extended low end taper? Should I jump up to a higher mg now? Thanks for any support than I've already gotten from reading some here. Theses were my tapers just prior to going 0 the second time (4 mar 2020) 0.63 mg 21 day (25 mar 2020) 0.31 mg 16 day 0.41 mg 36 day (had to go up and stayed till I felt like maybe 0-4 hour sleep again) 0.31 mg 10 day (26 may 2020) 0.25 mg 12 day (7 june 2020) 0.12 mg 8 day Thanks

Short introduction, I'm pyr23 currently living in the netherlands. I've been taking medications since I was 19 and have quite a host of diagnoses. Most accurate is schizo-affective, I've been struggling this like most others here for quite a while, unfortunately after 25 years I now know it's a lifelong thing. My last try for getting in a better place involved a rediagnosis for Autism, in which it it might be possible to live with another medication structure. This didn't really work out since I'm actually way to old for that. I see that now as a midlife crisis from an old psychiatric patient. We can't all have a fast car and a young girlfriend, but we can go though another diagnosis, just for old times sake. If you're young please try and keep up and keep your meds as low as possible. For some people full recovery will be possible, and the younger you start the better your chances are. Try to make space for yourself financially with family and all other support you can find, if you're in a good place try to see what is possible.