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Please see medication summary. I was told by my doctor to reinstate at 10mg while crashing hard after stopping lexapro (was off for a week and a half after tapering down for a way too fast month). To be honest with you at first I was better off and even yesterday I felt like 80% normal. But two days ago as well as today it’s like I’m plugged into an electoral outlet. Can’t eat, anxiety through the roof, numbness all over, and thoughts of well I guess I’ll have to end it if it gets worse creeping in. On the days I’ve felt like this also I get exactly zero minutes of sleep. i have a daughter due in 10 weeks and a two year old at home. Given I’m having every other day waves to I stay at 10mg? What do I do?!? I am literally losing it. Please help.

First, I had bad anxiety in my early twenties. Started Effexor, took it for about a year then tried stopping with a fast taper. I got fired from work 4 ou 5 months later and my anxiety went up big time. Started Effexor again. Went up to 110mg, but I was having many side effects so after talking to my doctor, I decided to stop. I reduced the dosage over 2 months then stop. Went throught withdrawal for a few weeks and then things got quiet for a few months. I started getting hit by some fairly heavy anxiety and panic attacks without stress to trigger it. I went back to effexor for a few months and then I switched to escitalopram 10mg to try and see if I would have less side effects. I stayed on escitalopram 10mg for at least 6 years. Now, at the start of January 2024, I run out of escitalopram for a few days. That's when I decided to try and quit. Just like that. The withdrawal was hell. A lot of brain zap, anger that I could not contain at all, brain fog, insomnia, etc. After 6 weeks, most of the symptoms were gone or wayyyy more manageable. 1 week before the 4 months mark, I started getting vertigo and feeling dizzy. I had no idea what was going on. My anxiety started acting up again and I took an appointment with my doctor. He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking. And now i'm scared to death, does it mean that I have kindled? Should I keep taking 5mg and see if it stabilize? Should I lower to 2.5? Should I stop?!

Hello, Nice to meet you all. I'm initiating this thread to offer support for myself and potentially others who may be experiencing similar challenges. I began taking 10mg of Cipralex when I was 27 years old. On and off for the majority of my life, I had experienced varying levels of anxiety. While I still managed to function, it often felt like I was struggling more than my peers. After several years of trying different approaches, my doctor recommended trying this SSRI. Though hesitant initially, my doctor persuaded me to give it a try, assuring me that discontinuing it would be straightforward.. And it did work. Remarkably so. After a couple of months, I felt like a new person. I remember thinking, "Is this how people usually feel? How refreshing." However, after a couple of years, I began experiencing difficult weeks. For about a week at a time, I would feel worse than I did before starting the medication. Eventually, these episodes became more frequent, occurring around 6-7 times a year. In 2021, I attempted to discontinue usage. Following the doctor's instructions, I tapered off 10mg over two weeks. It was a dreadful experience. I only managed a few weeks before returning to the medication. Soon the challenging weeks came back and this time it was suggested i bumbed it up to 15mg. It worked for a while, but then the "weeks" started again. Determined to try again, I sought additional support for quitting the drug. Unfortunately, such resources are scarce in Sweden and i had not yet discovered this forum. If I had, I would have approached the situation differently. I would have requested the medication in liquid form and tapered it by 10% at a time. However, that opportunity has now passed. Anyhow i found a doctor willing to help me taper over 6 weeks. While the tapering period was manageable, discontinuing the drug completely was horrendous. Here's what I experienced (not in any particular order): - Brain zaps - Restless legs - Insomnia - Sadness - Irritability - Fear - Forgetfulness - Inability to experience joy - Difficulty focusing - Indecisiveness - Mild panic attacks - Headaches It has been approximately 5 months since I completely stopped taking Cipralex. Some symptoms have subsided, but many persist. I would rank them as follows, with 1 being the most severe: 1. Sadness: I struggle to find joy in anything, even activities I used to enjoy immensely. 2. Irritability: Despite my efforts to remain calm, I often find myself losing control and becoming irritable with those close to me, leading to further distress. 3. Fear: I feel an overwhelming sense of apprehension in various life situations. 4. Indecisiveness: Making decisions, once straightforward for me, has become a daunting task. 5. Difficulty focusing: I frequently find myself zoning out and needing to reread or reprocess information. 6. Forgetfulness: Both short-term and long-term memory lapses occur frequently. 7. Restless legs: Though initially uncomfortable, this symptom has improved and become more manageable over time. If I could offer any advice to someone going through the same experience as me, it would be the following: - Remember, your thoughts are not reality. Strive to observe them without passing judgment. - Be open and honest with the people close to you about what you're going through. - Despite the constant urge to isolate, try to do the opposite, even if it's in less intimidating situations than large gatherings. Push yourself to leave the house. - I have a routine i follow as often as possible, but especially when facing daunting tasks. Personally, I find that taking a cold bath (at 5 degrees Celsius for 3 minutes) followed by exercise significantly reduces my anxiety. While some research suggests this may help stimulate serotonin production, I can only attest to its effectiveness for me. If cold baths aren't possible, ice-cold showers are an alternative. I learned about this approach from a friend who successfully tapered off benzodiazepines, and I began exploring it when discontinuing my medication. The Wim Hof Method is a helpful resource in this regard. I'm here if anyone has any questions and will provide updates whenever I notice a change in my withdrawal symptoms. I must say, there are brief periods where things improve slightly, but at present, they are scarce. Thank you for reading, //Caligula

Hi all! So happy to have found this place! I’ve browsed a few posts, and I think I’ve found my people lol! About me- I’m 51 years old, and have been on and off a bunch of psychiatric meds since the 90s. My memory is poor (more on that later), so I can’t remember exact dates, but I have been on Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin and Escitalopram, along with occasional benzos and zopiclone for short periods. Honestly- i wish I had never started taking any of them. Hindsight and a really good therapist has made me realize that many of my choices in life have just not been very congruent with my wants/needs/values etc, leading to some serious cognitive dissonance. I have also experienced severe professional burnout many times, and have some childhood trauma that I had never dealt with. Had I found a good therapist in my 20s, I may have never started taking these drugs. BUT- I am generally a pretty optimistic person, so I am looking forward, and feeling so grateful to have been able to improve my knowledge on withdrawal, so I can do it right this time. I have never tapered slowly. I have always followed my doctors’ advice, and my slowest taper was off of Effexor, and that only took two months. I had little difficulty coming off Wellbutrin, but all the others were awful- restlessness, irritability, brain zaps, bouts of severe depression, tremors, insomnia, extreme sensitivity to light and noise. I most recently started taking 10mg of escitalopram in 2016. I had changed jobs, and was having crippling anxiety about my new role. I didn’t want to start taking it- i had been off of it since before my daughter was born in 2009. But being in a new job, I felt I had to show my employer that I was willing to do anything to get back to work asap. So I started taking it, and took four months off to pull myself together, so to speak. Fast forward to 2020- still on my 10mg of escitalopram. Didn’t want to be, but couldn’t face weaning, and all the withdrawal symptoms. Then the pandemic hit. I work in healthcare, so needless to say, this was a scary time for me. Anxiety peaked, and my doctor increased my dose to 20mg. It didn’t help at all. My anxiety remained high for the next two years… I was just surviving. I was so anxious and burned out, I barely remember anything from that time period. It’s like a bad dream. i finally contracted COVID in June 2022. I was not hospitalized, but was very ill for four weeks. When I finally managed to go back to work, I couldn’t function. Went off on sick leave, and was eventually diagnosed with long COVID. My symptoms have included crippling fatigue, severe right sided headaches, chest pain/pressure, palpitations, severe brain fog, memory issues, internal ‘vibrations’ (for lack of a better term), cyanosis when my heart rate goes over 125 and presyncope. I haven’t worked since August 2022. Over the last two years, I have learned to manage my symptoms fairly well with diet, hydration, additional salt, compression stockings, meditation and my awesome therapist. I started to taper my escitalopram last November, with fairly large dosage cuts… it occurred to me that I’ve done this before, and always ended up right back on the meds. So I started researching how to properly taper, and realized that everything I had done in the past was misguided, and likely caused some long term health issues. So I’ve decided to slow my taper waaaay down, hoping to get off of these drugs for good! Feeling very optimistic! 😁 I am also taking low dose naltrexone 2.5mg for long COVID, estrogel for hot flashes, vitamin D 2000iu/day, B12 1000mcg per day (I’m vegan- no choice on this one!). i think that’s it- in a nutshell… I’ve had more than my share of legit emotional turmoil too, but it’s all just too much to share here. I will say that I’m in a really great emotional place right now, so I feel the time is right to do a proper taper. I look forward to sharing my journey here! 😊

Hello, I am now in the 5th week after stopping Escitalopram, which I took for a week (day 1-6: 5mg; day 7: 10mg, discontinued on 02.04.2024). It's still a happy up and down. I walk for at least an hour a day so hopefully the symptoms will subside soon. Unfortunately, my brain still feels very worn out. I find it difficult to categorise many things. I can't really be anhedonic if I'm still tinkering with Lego, can I? Nevertheless, I enjoy many things less than before. I think it's more the current situation that's getting me down, which doesn't exactly make the sexual dysfunction any better at the age of almost 24. I started the 4-7-8 breathing exercise yesterday. This has also had a rather negative effect on my irritable bowel syndrome. I feel like I have a permanently high cortisol level. My concentration sometimes leaves something to be desired. Even though I have realised that my ability to think coherently is not noticeably or even slightly impaired. I am very concerned that this one week's intake has affected my body so badly. The worst thing is probably the fear that this condition will never go away. Thanks for reading and hope you have a great weekend!

Hello all, I started taking antidepressants in 2017- I had a severe panic attack that left me with debilitating anxiety and I was willing to try anything to take it away. I started on Zoloft 50mg. I was able to successfully taper about a year later, but started getting panic attacks again early 2021 which put me back on the Zoloft 50mg. Summer 2022, I tried to go from 50mg to 25mg and two weeks later started feeling off- heat intolerance, anxiety, agitation, restlessness, insomnia, and severe intrusive thoughts. My Dr told me to reinstate the 50mg and it took about a month to feel better; I felt defeated and frightened, I was never going to get off this drug. Late 2022-early 2023 I did a 6 month taper, I whittled my pills as small as I could get them. For the first two weeks, I was fine- out of nowhere I had a panic attack and spiraled. I got nervous and reintroduced the small slivers of Zoloft; my Dr tried to slowly get me back to the 50mg, but with no success. Each time he bumped me up, my symptoms got worse, especially my intrusive thoughts. The thoughts got so unbearable, I went to the ER. The ER took me for being suicidal and homicidal and transferred me to a behavioral hospital for a week. The Dr there switched me to Trintellix, took it for roughly 2 months, wasn't for me. My psych tried to put me on Abilify, saying that it would make my intrusive thoughts go away faster, I refused. My psych proceeded to run evals for Bipolar II, which I do not have, and settled on me being "med sensitive", since I have horrible start up side effects on these drugs. I asked him to put me on Lexapro, he agreed to and started me at 5mg. A month later he bumped me to 10mg and that's what I've been on since September 2023. I would love nothing more than to feel like myself again since these drugs take away the essence of who I am, I just don't know where to begin.

Hi there! Today is the 13th day of the rest of my life! I am 27 years old and have been on 20mg escitalopram for 5 years but still cant spell it ! I just got introduced to the existential crisis that is learning that SSRIs have almost no proven efficacy and are extremely hard to withdraw from . Neat! I've been wanting to stop my meds for the last 4 years, tried twice but each time the doctors told me to quit basically CT and I had to reinstate my original dose due to withdrawal after 1 week at the lower dose. The second time I tried to supplement my tapering with mushrooms (chaga, lions mane and psylocibin) but it didn't help. I would say my withdrawal symptoms both times were 'mild' and I was luckily able to feel back to normal a few days after reinstating my original dose. Now I am tapering much slower, following the recommened 10% drop. I got a compounding pharmacy to make me a 1mg/ml suspension of escitalopram. I have been on 18mg escitalopram (15mg via pill and 3mg liquid) for almost 2 weeks now and have had no withdrawal symptoms!!!!!!!! Thank you to everyone who developed and shared this method. Thank you so so much. I thought I would be on these meds for the rest of my life after my last attempt to withdraw. Like many here, I have been doing a lot of my own research now before I started to taper again. So far I have read: Anatomy of an Epidemic-Robert Whitaker Mind Fixers-Anne Harrington The Antidepressant Solution-Joseph Glenmullen Currently reading: The Emperor's New Drugs-Irving Kirsch The Myth of the Chemical Cure-Joanna Moncrieff QUESTION: I am going to go the full month at 18mg before dropping again. My question tho is that since I have not had withdrawal symptoms with a 10% drop (so far, 2 weeks in, hoping this will stay true!) is it possible for me to try to drop a little bit more next month, say 15%? In the past when doctors dropped me 50%, I felt off but not terrible, and was able to go back to baseline of feeling fine after reinstating my previous dose. Another question is that if I feel no withdrawal now after 2 weeks at lower dose, does this bode well for that to remain to be the case?

Hi everyone. I created an account specifically to say what has helped me throughout this journey of recovery. I have no idea if I’m currently in a window (likely) or actually healed. I’ve had a terrible, hellish withdrawal of Trintellix, since December 20th I’ve had extreme panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, extreme agitation etc. And then, I’ve found a few things that helped me. What was really the most helpful thing was hypnotherapy. The first session didn’t help much as it was just an introduction to it, but the second session transformed me. It put me in a state of deep relaxation, and helped me sleep again. I would advice everyone to try it, despite the cost. The other thing that helped me tremendously was this medicine called Euphytose in France, it’s a mix of Passiflora, Valerian root, hawthorn, and ballotte (translation?). It had the same effects than benzos without the obvious terrifying risks of these. Again I’m not sure I’m completely healed or in a long window, but I these things truly helped, I believe. I’ve read this forum a lot and wanted to help the folks on here, in any way that I could, even if what I’m saying is maybe nothing new for some people. Bless you all, and hang in there, healing is coming.

Hi.. My story is, “briefly“, that I have within the past 3 years, been on... so. Much. Crap. And I am currently in withdrawal torture from hell and have been for years now. In the beginning of 2019, I had a very bad stress / anxiety reaction, and I was quickly put on medication. Benzodiazepines for two months along with starting Zoloft. Quit Benzos cold turkey (doctor’s orders) and then Zoloft was upped to 125 mg (in hindsight I am pretty sure it was because I reacted strongly to Benzo quitting). I felt completely horrible on Zoloft and tapered off over the course of 2.5 months (doctor’s orders). Then I was in complete hell and couldn’t sleep so after being “clean” for one month, I was put on 7.5 mg. Mirtazapine. I could FINALLY sleep and it did seem to help my anxiety a bit? I still had a lot of strange horrendous symptoms though but I don’t know if that was from Mirtazapine or SSRI withdrawal ...? Can a dosis of 7.5 mg. Mirtazapine cancel out severe SSRI withdrawal? Anyway - So in 2020 I was on Mirtazapine up and down weekly between 7.5 and smaller doses (doctor said I could just adjust from day to day). I ended up just completely wrecked and just lied in bed in a haze.. so they took me off Mirtazapine and started me on 60 mg. Duloxetine plus Promethazine for sleep. Total haze still, awful.. So off it again after 7 months - tapered from 60 mg. Duloxetine to 0 over 4 weeks. Then felt .... HORRIBLE (!!!) and started self medicating with Benzodiazepines while I waited for withdrawal to end for two months- until my doctor found out and said stop that. Then I was put on Pregabalin and Escitalopram 10 mg. from March 2021 until I wanted to quit (because I was a complete foggy hazy wreck on that as well). Stopped Pregabalin in May and Escitalopram in July (tapered from 10 mg. to 0 over 4 weeks). In September I tried to take a tiny dose of Escitalopram to ease the horrendous withdrawal symptoms .. but that didn’t work and I felt worse. So I just thought I’d push through this indescribable nightmare... in December however I took 1/2 pill of Benzodiazepine twice because it was so unbearable. So.. now it is 9 months since I stopped Escitalopram (/6 months since I tried a small dose for a week) and 4 months since Benzodiazepines.. I can’t describe how much of a hell it has been AND STILL IS 😔 I have constantly tried to tell myself that it WILL and MUST get better soon. And while some symptoms have gotten better, I have almost no life by now. I hardly see anyone because I just can’t due to symptoms, I hardly exercise or leave my apartment. Some days, like today, it is almost constant torture. A week ago I tried Melatonin (4.5 mg. over two days) and then I’ve tried some Valerian root pills.. somehow it’s gotten worse now. So.......... bottom line: I’m thinking about starting Mirtazapine just to ease the withdrawal symptoms and to make sure I sleep better. Right now no matter how much I sleep, I am never rested and feel like I haven’t slept for days everyday. But I am BEYOND scared that it will make everything worse, and then I have yet another drug to get free from. So yeah.. does anyone know if Mirtazapine can help SSRI withdrawal symptoms? I honestly don’t know what to do. Thanks and sorry about the long message. I feel pretty desperate. 😔 Best Louise

Hello. New here. I started Lexapro towards the end of June 2023. I was on 2.5 mg for two weeks. 5 for two weeks. 7.5 for two weeks and 10 for 6 weeks before I started tapering off. I tapered off under doctors recs. I didn't know any better. While I was on the drug I had this awful heavy body feeling and muscle tension. Whenever I would go up the next dose I would have hyperreflexia and my joints would just twitch at night while trying to fall asleep. I've been off 3 and a half months. The first 3 weeks I was about getting back to normal. I went and got botox one day, and I don't know if it was the botox or if it would have happened anyway but i fell hard into withdrawl. Oddly on the meds and on my bad days, I notice my joints don't crack like they normally do. It's weird. My blood pressure for three weeks in December was insane. It would go into the high 40s and then shoot up into the 70s. That seems to be stable now. Still dealing with the heavy body feeling. Loss of sensation. Muscle tension and sometimes twitching. I had a few day window last week, where I felt almost 100 percent back to normal. My dry eyes are killing me. Followed by today where I don't have much sensation on my arms or hands. My head feels 200 lbs. And I have extreme muscle tension in the back of my head. Are there even muscles there? How can that even hurt so bad. The cervical spine area seems to be the worst. I went to PT to try and help, but I don't think it did anything. I see people that never recover and I just worry I will hit a wave and never come out.

Hello everyone. First of all, I would like to thank you for creating this website. I don’t know where I would be without it. I have learned a lot of information in here about antidepressants and the importance of tapering. I started sertraline in September 2018 due to depression and anxiety. My doctor never told me about any side effects or when I should stop the treatment. It was fine until I started noticing my motivation and my emotions were going away. I had more symptoms, but at the time I didn’t connect the dots. I suspect my IBS and my need to sleep 12 hours a day were part of it. After 4 years my mom suggested me to stop antidepressants since she thought I was doing fine and she read that they probably were not good to take for that long. At the beginning I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed. My doctor gave me instructions on how to stop. She told me to alternate days which now I know is very bad advice. I had no symptoms until I started alternating half a tablet and no tablet. Then I started having horrible symptoms. I thought I was going insane. I started going to a psychologist who told me she couldn’t help me unless I took drugs. It disgusts me now that she said something like that. She recommended a psychiatrist. In the first visit she convinced me to start 10 mg escitalopram. I remember I started having full body pain for the first time in my life. The psychiatrist told me that it was not possible for these drugs to cause that. Now I know she had no idea what she was talking about. The pain went away in a couple of weeks. I was still having no motivation and almost no emotions. The psychiatrist decided I needed 20 mg escitalopram for some reason. That made things worse. She decided I should try bupropion and stop escitalopram in like two weeks which concerned me. I asked her if that wasn’t a bit too fast. She said it was fine (lol). It was horrible. I thought I was going completely insane. I talked to her and I reinstated to 5 mg. But I was still taking bupropion which was making my heart go very fast. My gut told me I would have a problem if I continued taking bupropion when I tried to come off. So I decided to stop bupropion cold turkey after taking it only for 2 weeks. I think that was the best decision of my life because I saved myself from becoming dependant on it. I explained to my psychiatrist I was tired of this and that I wanted to come off escitalopram. She told me to reduce 1 mg every month. When I reached the 2 mg point I discovered this website through reddit. Everything started making sense. I decided to stop seeing my psychiatrist after she made me feel like I was a “bad patient” and that the problems I had were all my fault and not hers. But I still had a problem. I didn’t know how to go from 2 mg to 1.8 mg because my liquid is 20 mg/ml. So I made the mistake of going to 1 mg and that was quite bad. Going from 3 mg to 2 mg was already bad, but this time it was worse. I decided I won’t reinstate ever again unless my situation becomes very bad. So I held there until I got better. Then I learned how to make my liquid less concentrated and use syringes to taper by 10%. I started tapering again, but I went too fast because I am very impatient. I am going slower now. Maybe a bit faster than suggested in this forum, but I’m learning to listen to my body and hold more if necessary. The worst symptoms I get when I go too fast are very bad misophonia, thinking everyone wants to hurt me, wanting to die, irritability, full body pain, unable to sleep at a normal time, headaches and digestion problems. Right now I’m doing fine, but I’ll try to keep you informed. My intention is to keep this as a journal of my progress and help others that have a similar story. Again, thank you for everything!

Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

I started having anxiety attacks in January 2023 (which I believe was related to a hormonal change in BC) it felt like the blood rushed out of my head, a lightheaded feeling and my heart would race. When I would have an anxiety attack, following it, I would get what I would describe as a brain jolt (possibly a brain zap but mine did not feel electrical) – it was like the blood suddenly left my head and I felt lightheaded followed by a wave of anxiety which lasted just a few seconds. I only got these following an anxiety attack for a few days and then they would disappear until the next one. In May, after having another anxiety attack and the subsequent frequent brain jolts followed by anxiety waves - I decided I had enough and went on Escitalopram 10mg. I had probably every usual side effect there is, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, spaciness, loss of balance, tremors you name it... But 10 days in, I had a pre-syncope event, where a burning sensation came over my entire body and I nearly fainted. After that, I was hit with daily waves of brain jolts/zaps immediately followed by a wave of nausea, anxiety and a burning sensation would come all over my body. I should have come off the medication then, but I wanted to stick it out as everyone said the side effects should pass after six weeks. At week three of 10mg I could no longer handle the constant brain jolts & burning sensations so I reduced my dosage to 5mg. Immediately, I started to feel better within the first two weeks - the brain jolts felt milder were less frequent but then at week 3 of 5mg, things got worse, and the burning sensations began all night long – sleep was impossible, my muscles when trying to sleep also started to twitching & jerking. By then, I was at 6 weeks and my GP advised me to come off the meds. Scared at this point to quit cold turkey, I started reducing the dosage slowly over the next 4 weeks. 3mg for 10 days (the burns stopped at this dose but the jolts & waves continued), then 2mg for 8 days, 1 mg for 6 days and finally nothing. I had all the usual withdrawals or maybe they were still side effects, nausea, dizziness, loss of balance, brain fog, tremors etc., but I noticed a pattern with the brain jolts/zaps. Every time I reduced the dose they got milder and less frequent for the first two weeks and then would get more frequent at the 3 week mark. I am now four weeks off the medication and the same thing happened the brain jolts got milder but at the 3 week mark they got so much more frequent. They are milder in the sense they are not jolts but more like brain shivers/or blips, followed by nausea, and a wave of sometimes anxiety but sometimes it’s a hot sensation…(I have to throw off the covers) occasionally the wave is followed by tremors & a pounding heart. It seems to come in clusters usually in the evening for a couple hours at a time. I get them every night while trying to fall asleep and especially when waking up. I get a few hours a day now of feeling normal before a cluster hits. My concern is whether this is from the medication as I did experience a feeling of brain jolts before the medication, but they changed drastically once on the medication and only became as severe and as frequent as they are now after Escitalopram. They did get milder coming off the medication and less frequent (than when I was on the meds) but its still a daily battle. I was only on the medication 10 weeks and was almost constantly reducing during that time. I have a hard time finding others that have had similar symptoms as me and feel at a loss as to what has happened to me.

Was on lexapro for about 7 months at 20 mg.. all in the past month and a half I tapered off to nothing stopped for a week and started having muscle weakness and typical withdrawal symptoms .. on day 6 I started having ringing in ear and dizziness and brain for so I started back at 5 mg.. today is day 4 and I’m still feeling terrible what do I do

Hello, I have been trying to stop taking Cipralex three times since 2017. My medications were two - 10mg Cipralex a day and 2x0.5mg Fluanxol. I started taking it slowly as my psychiatrist suggested - 2/3 days 2.5mg, then 2/3 days 5mg, then 10mg. At 10mg it was the first time I felt heart palpitations - I am an active athlete and never had heart issues. The first time it was not actually Cipralex by Lundbeck, but Lenuxin (which contains again escitalopram). I remember that I did not know, and my psychiatrist did not tell me there were going to be withdrawal symptoms. I started forgetting to take the 10mg tablet and started skipping days. I was feeling some mild withdrawal symptoms like headache or fatigue, but overall, not anything too debilitating. I stopped the medicaments successfully back then (summer 2018) I was one year of any medicaments until the summer of 2019, when I experienced some stressful situations. I had anxiety with panic attacks mostly and some stomach problems. Back then my mother forced me to start taking the pills again, although I was strongly against it, but at that time I was trusting my mother, because she had experienced severe depression in her twenties as well. Summer of 2020, I started a relationship with a girl. It was again a year since I have been taking Cipralex 10mg and Fluanxol 2x0.5mg. I started what I considered slow tapering - I started taking half the dose of both pills (5mg Cipralex and 1x0.5mg Fluanxol). After a month or two things were overall fine. Then I stopped the fluanxol and was left with 5mg Cipralex. I tapered again half (from 5mg to 2.5mg) and was feeling good, so I started skipping days. It was year 2020 (winter) and I started feeling anxious, I started sweating at night, had tremors, nausea, developed agoraphobia. Then I also started experiencing sleep issues and decided to go back to 5mg and when I got back to 10mg I had restored my sleep. Continued taking Cipralex and Fluanxol until 2021 (winter) - 1 year again on medication. I went to my psychiatrist and said that I want her to make a tapering plan for me. She said 4 months on half dose (5mg Cipralex) and 3 months afterwards on 1/4 dose (2.5mg Cipralex). After that to go to consultation again. I did as she said, and everything was good. Then (April 2022) I went on consultation and asked how I can stop taking them completely, so she said: 1 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 1 day skip; 2 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 2 days skip; 3 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 3 days skip; 4 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 4 days skip; 5 week - completely stop. I did as she said and started experiencing withdrawal but continued with the taper. Stopped Cipralex completely at the beginning of May 2022. Then three months of hell started. I experienced severe withdrawal effects such as daily headaches, fatigue, nausea, stomach problems, electric shocks (in the head), anxiety, depression (I never had until this moment). But the withdrawals that were unbearable were two - insomnia (could not sleep for days or have had 1-2 hours broken sleep) and vomiting (everything I ate, even though I tried anti-vomiting oral solution - I vomited that too). When I contacted my psychiatrist after the first 2 weeks, she said that it is not withdrawal anymore, rather than that the previous anxiety/depression I had has returned so I need to again go on medication - I refused and wanted to try everything. I was so fatigued due to lack of sleep and stomach/vomiting issues that I could not do sports (which I know helps a lot). But although was tired, my body refused to rest (could not sleep). I tried everything to improve my sleep, because I thought otherwise, I can die without sleep + it worsened the anxiety, fatigue, concentration - mint + valerian (drops), lavender scents, relaxation music, passiflora, 4-7-8 breathing, nothing helped. At one point it was so bad I was considering smoking weed and drinking alcohol (which is totally not me!). I went to another psychiatrist, and he prescribed me Tritico (trazodone) - 25mg for sleep. I slept 7-8 hours every day for a week! But then after that it just stopped working for me. I tried increasing to 50mg, then 75mg, then 100mg, but again could not sleep. Afterwards tried Tritico XR + Xanax 0.25mg, but that did not go well for me. Although there were some hours I slept fine, I felt with 0 power and was lying in bed for days, so I stopped taking it. My psychiatrist was going to prescribe me a sleeping pill (Essognu), which I know that can cause very easy dependence, so I refused that option. My girlfriend left me, because she could not handle it. I could not work, because of the sleep and vomiting issues. I was almost going to be hospitalized. So, for the 3rd time I was forced to go back to Cipralex, Fluanxol + Agomelatine (Valdoxan) for sleep. I decided to stop these things that are killing every emotion in me, I cannot feel happiness nor sadness and I want to try everything (even if I manage to lower the dose of the Cipralex and continue to take it forever - even that will be great!). And here I am after 3months (from September 2022, now December 2022) - my sleep returned and my stomach issues + vomiting are nowhere to be found, but I have heart palpitations and daily headache again. I stopped Fluanxol and Valdoxan and am only on Cipralex 10mg, but I need your advice: 1. How to taper it correctly - in Bulgaria there is no liquid version of Cipralex, I can order from a friend in Germany. Have tried to dissolve the pill with water and to take it via 10ml syringe, but it seems it is faster distributed in my body, and I feel strange. 2. How to cope with the two things that forced me to get back on antidepressants - insomnia + vomiting. Please give me your advice. Thank you sincerely!

Hello. I’m a 31 year old female. Straight, single, no kids. From California. I am alcohol-free since 1/1/18 and don’t smoke or use drugs. I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2001, depression in 2013, and have had moderate to severe emetophobia for as long as I can remember (this contributes to most of my anxiety). My first time being prescribed an antidepressant was at age 12. I was on a low dose of Paxil CR after being hospitalized for mysterious ailments that turned out to be anxiety-related. I’m not sure but I think I was on that med approximately six months. I don’t remember having any issues coming off it. In my last year of college (2013), at age 23, I started experiencing a worsening of anxiety and depression symptoms and ended up back on Paxil. Between then and early 2016 I was on and off Paxil, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. I gained a lot of weight from the SSRIs which started negatively affecting my health. I was able to get off the combo I was taking (Paxil and Wellbutrin) in 2015(?) with tolerable and brief withdrawal symptoms, and was having great success managing my life with healthy habits and talk therapy. That all came crashing down when I decided to buy my first house. (A decision I now regret!) The stress of it all made me start having panic attacks at work so I decided to go back on medication. I started with Zoloft but the second time around it gave me terrible side effects. Next was Prozac which was just a week of misery. So I finally tried Lexapro. It worked. But over the course of the next several years I gained even more weight, and along with unhealthy lifestyle choices, ended up with a type 2 diabetes diagnosis. Along with the type 2 diabetes, my absolute worst struggle is fatigue. I have low energy every single day of my life. It got so bad that I was almost fired from my job for excessive tardiness; I’d sleep though alarms. I actually ended up quitting that job and selling my house because my mental and physical health were sinking to their lowest. I spent over six months on disability and moved back in with my parents. I eventually started working part time. And now I’m back to working full time and recently moved alone in a nice rented apartment. The constant, everyday, debilitating fatigue is still there. I tried everything to remedy it, even had a sleep study done. Nothing. The sleep doctor said that SSRIs can disrupt sleep patterns. So through process of elimination I’ve come to the conclusion that my chronic fatigue is because of the Lexapro. Between that, no sex drive (and thus being single for the past 7 years), and the metabolic issues, I’m determined to get off it. Which brings me here. I first tried getting off my 15mg/day dose in summer 2019. I took the bad advice from a homeopathic doctor to taper down 5mg every two weeks. It was hell and even after stretching that out a bit, I had to go back to the full 15 and eventually 20mg dose after six weeks. I’m now on my second attempt to taper. I easily got back down to 15mg in January 2020. In October 2020 I talked to my psych NP (who’s been managing my medication for several years now) and she prescribe me liquid Lexapro so I can start a slower taper this time. I started off going down 1mg each week, sometimes two weeks if needed. I didn’t have too many issues. The main symptoms were fatigue, nausea, dizziness/lightheadedness, and brain zaps. January 22, 2021 I got down to 3mg and that’s where I still am because for some reason I’ve been smacked on my a** with symptoms. I’m experiencing all the physical symptoms above, but worse; now along with crying jags, derealization, irritability, intrusive thoughts, and depressive mood. They’re not constant but they’re enough to really mess up my life right now. (Pandemic burn out is definitely a contributing factor as well.) So I’m here on this site to navigate this last leg of my taper. Feel free to drop a comment, give advice, ask a question, or just say hi. I’m using this site mostly on my phone so I’ll do my best to figure it out and add my signature line ASAP.

Hello- as my topic title shows, I have been on anti-depressants for 24 years (20mgs Lexepro, 175 mgs Wellbutrin). It is hard to face. After the birth of my first son, I began having acute anxiety. When I told my gynecologist he told me it was common after giving birth because of hormonal changes. In such cases, he recommends about six months of medication to help with the symptoms and recommended a psychiatrist that he works with for patients such as me. I'm sure none of you are surprised to know that, as is all too common, I never got off the drugs for very long. Each time withdrawel symptoms were interpreted as my illness returning. My mother suffered from anxiety and depression all her sad life, so it wasn't hard to believe that I was ill. Yet, I still tried a few times to stop the drugs. Interestingly, once it became clear how difficult it was to get off the drugs, I knew with certainty that I needed to stop taking them. I Thought I would put if off until I was retired, so I would have less stress, etc. to deal with the WD, but when I learned about the10% taper it gave me hope that I can be AD free by my 60th birthday! I will start with the Lexepro. Getting myself a scale and using a spreadsheet to calculate the decreases. I'm getting my yoga and walking on, and continuing meditation for success! I'm so glad to have this site for reference, information and support!

I took Lexapro 20 mg last year for the first time ever for situational depression and it helped. But in June 2023 I missed 3+ doses and immediately withdrawal set in. As I wanted to just get off this, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist I jumped down to 10 mg to start the taper. Terrible OCD thoughts set in and in desperation I jumped to 20, then stupidly 30, but things just got worse. I have finally landed at 10 mg and have been holding until I stabilize, 10 weeks now, as my central nervous system was very much destabilized by all of this switching doses rapidly. I had akathisia, serotonin overload, jerking of my arms and legs, hypersensitive hearing and blurry vision for about 2 weeks each. At this dose over the last 10 weeks, though, all of that has improved and stopped, which leads me to believe that I am doing the right thing by just trying to stabilize. The intrusive thoughts have been the worst part that just won't quit, and the constant shameful thoughts, me wondering "What have I done wrong, will this ever get better, will I ever be myself again?" are constant. I look for counsel from other members here who have gone through a similar thing and asking for affirmation that I am doing the right thing by holding. Tapering off is my absolute goal, but I have read enough here that I understand I need to not even begin to think about that until I have been stabilized for a good while. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family in all of this. Any comments and advice are appreciated.

Hello I'm attempting to get off psychiatric drugs. I do not believe that I was mentally ill, but that I was deeply affected emotionally by trauma. I first got put on psych drugs after the birth of my first son, who was born with health issues. The psychiatrist put me on Paxil, and then Trazodone because I couldn't sleep. Fortunately that doctor took me off the drugs less than a year later. I didn't have any major issues coming off these drugs. Due to lots of stress factors in my life, I had anxiety. I was put on Serzone for a few years, then got off this without major problems. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, my husband freaked out, because he was afraid this baby would also have health problems. I saw a psychiatrist, and he, with my OB/GYN's permission, put me on Paxil when I was 5.5 months pregnant with my 2nd child. He was born perfectly healthy. The Paxil caused me to gain lots of weight. I was up to 215 pounds. So my primary care doc switched me to Lexapro, thinking it would be more weight neutral. I was also put on Trazodone because of Insomnia. I tried several times in the past to get off these drugs, but each time, I had trouble with severe insomnia. I would call the doctor, and he would say I needed to go back on the drugs, so I did. Finally, I decided that I was definitely going to get off the drugs. I came to realize that these doctors don't know what they are doing. When I asked my psychiatrist why I was having such severe insomnia when trying to get off, he said to me "I don't know. Go back on it". (shaking my head). I started to wean off Lexapro 16 months ago, but 4 months into that my mother became severely ill, and so I went back to 1/2 of my original dose, which was 5 mg. I stayed on the 5 mg for about 9 months. Then, I started to wean off of it again. This was back in August of 2018. I've been very gradually coming off it. I'm on the liquid now, and have been dropping the dose by 0.5 milligrams each month. I did manage to wean off the Trazodone a year ago, while I was still on the 5 mg of Lexapro. The other thing that is complicating this withdrawal is that I'm menopausal and in my upper 50's. When I haven't changed the dose of Lexapro I don't have the hot flashes, but every time I reduce the lexapro the hot flashes return. I don't want to put off getting off of this toxic chemical. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to get off these drugs. I'm so so close to being off of it. In the past 3 days, the hot flashes have been especially bad, and I've had little sleep because of that, and probably also because of being agitated by my drug withdrawal. The issues I'm having recently are: insomnia, agitation, anxiety off and on, tiredness and fatigue. The insomnia is the worst, but the hot flashes are contributing significantly to the insomnia. Any help or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm doing many things to learn to cope. I'm reading books on how to cope with stress and anxiety and depression. I'm walking daily, eating healthy, cultivating healthy friendships, and best of all, cultivating a strong and deep spiritual life with prayer and bible reading.

Hello everyone! Here is my introduction topic. Today marks one year I stopped antidepressants (Escitalopram). I have been completely symptom-free for 2 months as of March 2022, but the biggest improvement in symptoms came past month 6-7 into withdrawal, I would say last October (2021). I am aware that this is quite fast and that I was lucky, but nonetheless I wish to document my journey to give hope to everyone that's struggling, be it 2 weeks or 2 years in. Because despite my WD being short, I 100% honestly started to believe I would never ever feel "normal", let alone feel like myself again. My history with Escitalopram I wanna preface this by stating that Escitalopram helped me immensely with my initial issues in the first place. I have always been anxious and I will always be anxious. In August of 2017 however, I was put on Escitalopram 10mg when it spiraled out of control (I developed severe OCD and hypochondria (health anxiety)). Within 3 weeks, the medication allowed me to live a normal life again. As it was a success, in 2018 I stopped the medication (10mg to 5mg in june and then stopped completely). I had no withdrawal syndrome at all and spent a wonderful summer. I relapsed in October 2017 (it was OCD and not withdrawal, 100% sure), and was put back on Escitalopram 10mg in November 2018, following therapy along too. I therefore followed therapy and stayed on Escitalopram 10mg for another 2 years and 2 months from Nov 2018, up until January 2021 when my psychiatrist and I both agreed to try and stop antidepressants again as I felt much more stable and able to live without its help. From 10mg, the taper was: 5mg through Jan-Feb 2021, and then 5mg one day out of two through Feb-March, until I stopped mid-March 2021. Through the taper, I did not notice any symptom save from fatigue, but to this day I'm unsure if it was the taper or just the season (I suffer greatly from seasonal lack of sunlight!!). My withdrawal journey and symptoms A few days after my last Escitalopram dose, around March 18th 2021, my anxiety ramped up for no reason. On days 7-10 I got GI symptoms, and thought I had a stomach flu (still unsure if it was the start of WD or stomach flu!). Then a couple days later, I awoke brutally a few hours after falling asleep to full-body tremors that scared me a lot, I never had this before. This moment, for me, marked the start of my WD journey, for when I woke up later again in the morning, I felt a dread I never felt before. March-May of 2021 were atrocious. I believe it was the "acute" part of WD. I was feeling such a wide array of very physical and mental symptoms that I never had to deal with before, not even before medication when my mental issues were debilitating. I woke up every single day drenched in anxiety, filled with INSANE dread the whole day. I had huge crying bouts and intrusive thoughts, feelings of very very intense despair and helplessness. Anxiety would usually alleviate in the evenings but I was exhausted due to how my body was in flight or fight mode the whole day. My "windows" lasted a few hours, or half a day at max. My appetite was gone and I had nausea every single day on and off (else I would just not have any appetite) for a rough 4-6 months, which was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I'm still undoing the damage of this extreme weight loss as I type this. It is in June-July of 2021 that the physical symptoms were the hardest. I had full-body exhaustion, maybe due to the severe weight loss, I remember doing my things on auto-pilot. However, this is what helped me move forwards: even at my lowest, I was able to pull through and my body helped me move forwards despite feeling so crippled. In WD it became SO important to hold on such "reminders" and remember that I could trust myself and my body. I also developed photophobia in June-July, which lasted for 1 month and a half. It was very very weird, I had unilateral sharp eye pain upon looking at anything bright. I cannot stress enough that I never had such symptoms before ever, never had migraines etc, and it remained something isolated as I didn't have photophobia since!! In Sept-December of 2021 , I mentally felt at a much better place and much more confident in my ability to heal despite symptoms still being part of my everyday life: mostly because my appetite slowly, FINALLY came back. On a daily basis, I had to deal with headaches still, pin and needles, derealisation, tough time focusing and dizzy spells that were quite scary. I was feeling off and/or derealisation, or anxious with some intrusive thoughts. Mid-January of 2022, I realised I had no symptoms at all for a week and that my last wave was probably a few weeks ago already. Maybe a couple dizzy spells through the beginning of January, but they wore off. Another week passed. And another... and a month... and here I am now, 2 months after what I consider to be my last symptoms, and one year after my last Escitalopram dose. This forum, along with the resilience I built through the past years, allowed me to brunt the force of what is to this day the hardest thing I've gone through. I kept going on because I said to myself everyday that this will pass, that healing will happen. And it did. It was slow at first. I was counting the good days, and at one point I stopped paying daily attention to how I was feeling, rather noticing the days where I felt off: they were getting rarer. I kept track of all my symptoms in a journal, and looking back I cannot believe I experienced this whole list (I haven't listed everything here else this post would be even longer lol), it sounds absolutely mental, yet here I am, at the top of a mountain I wasn't expecting to have to climb. And what a hike it was. What helped me with some of the symptoms? To deal with nausea, I paid great attention to eat more often but in small amounts and drink a lot. My GP prescribed me proteinated fruit juice as well. I would eat "bland" foods such as unseasoned rice or pasta as it gives you energy and sustenance still. The days (or hours) where the nausea gave me a break, I tried to eat varied foods. I kept a very balanced diet, and didn't cut anything save from caffeine for 2 months (without changing from what I usually ate, as I feared this would destabilise me further). When anhedonia hit me I just let the day pass, because sometimes "existing" is enough of an effort and it's okay; and I tried to not mull over the fact that even my hobbies didn't bring me joy. I tried to focus on the absolute smallest things that felt nice: the breeze from my ajar window, the feeling of fresh water as I washed my hands, the odd birds outside in the distance... It's a great habit to take, actually, to become a bit "contemplative". A shame I had to discover this when everything else felt bad, but better late than never. A warm shower would usually help my anxiety and/or crying bouts. It is the simplest yet most efficient thing honestly now that I remember it. Restorative yoga was also helpful sometimes (I never tried yoga before WD and it is one good habit I took during my journey!) Repeating to myself that things come and go, including the hardships. Radical acceptance was a great read (I ought to find the link to the specific post again, I'll edit this later). And now... I can now drink coffee/alcohol just like before (I never abused it!). I can focus on and write my thesis, read complicated theoretical books, hold a conversation without feeling alien, hell I'm even less shy than before, I eat in great amounts and I have almost put back all the weight I lost. I just feel... profoundly normal. Back in my shoes. I think my outlook on life changed a bit. It became more optimistic, more appreciative mostly because I coped with the atrocious feelings of withdrawal by focusing on the small things (when you've got nothing else...); and/or repeating to myself what people said on this forum and what I came to learn as I progressed, which is that healing eventually happens and that good days and bad days will always alternate, even if sometimes one part overpowers the others. Eventually, it evens out, and it's worth it when you look back at what you've been through. Thanks everyone on SurvivingAntidepressants for making this possible - with your support, your advice, your journeys. We'll all get there and I hope from the bottom of my heart that all of you feel the relief that I got the chance to feel very soon. If you're struggling and reading this: you're insanely strong for having soldiered on every single difficult day in your life. I'm just an internet stranger, but I'm proud of you, and I want to promise you that better days are ahead.

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. first and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone here at SA. THANK YOU for starting this website, for contributing, for keeping it going, for sharing, for being here, for fighting the good fight. in regards to tapering safely i did not find you in time; but since i found you it has helped immeasurably. before i found SA i'd been suffering through PW and PAWS for well over 3 years with no clear understanding of what the F was happening to me. although i had a working strategy of how to approach the embodied experience i was living, it took up a lot of energy not having an official explanation. i had a kind of makeshift, workaround idea along the lines of "maybe this is latent C-PTSD that has surfaced in the wake of SSRI cessation" and "clearly my nervous system is hypersensitive and destabilized, and i am intolerant of stress, possibly also as a result of a lifetime of chronic stress and trauma", etc. somewhat luckily these working hypotheses led me to a variety of tools that were entirely applicable to dealing with withdrawal syndrome, and so, ultimately, i was practicing many of the same non-drug coping strategies that i have since seen recommended on this site. for years i was on my own and it was trial and error. the bottom line is, it has been so much better since finding SA and knowing that i'm not alone and finally figuring out, "oh, this is what's going on!" (not that one cannot have C-PTSD / chronic stress / or the like in addition to WS, but WS is certainly also its own thing in addition to whatever underlying vulnerabilities may present) anyway -- THANK YOU to everyone for everything. i am currently in my fifth year of protracted withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal syndrome following an incorrect, too-fast taper of lexapro/escitalopram that basically amounted to CT + decades' worth of going on and off dozens of different psych drugs/cocktails, incl. most recently vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine, etc. i don't have energy or access right now to write in more detail about the long and illustrious drug history and the numerous failed attempts to get out of psychiatry (it's clear to me now that i've been in protracted withdrawal with PAWS multiple times before, but at the time i didn't know what it was and when i sought help consistently received a new and more extreme diagnosis every time; it seemed, according to psychiatry, that i was getting sicker and sicker, and would get more heavily drugged each time around -- psychiatry suffers from munchhausen by proxy in its absurd closed-loop system) bottom line -- TODAY I AM DRUG-FREE. i was first committed to a psych ward as a minor (below the age of consent), that's where i was first drugged. i clearly remember being so overmedicated that my hands were shaking non-stop, i couldn't properly hold a fork to eat or a pencil/pen to write. i fainted in the shower. i knew it was the drugs, i knew they were giving me too much, i know i said as much. i have no recollection of being listened to. my first ever "psychotic episodes" also occurred during this first ever hospitalization, subsequent to which my diagnosis was augmented to include my being labeled as "psychotic". i am convinced the sensory hallucinations were caused by the drugs they were giving me. i have spent my entire adult life thus far (approx. 17 y.o. - 42 y.o.) under the influence of psychiatric drugs. WTF. although i am currently drug-free i don't consider myself out of the woods yet as i'm still very much in recovery and reeling from the extensive physiological and psychological/existential harm. i cannot even begin to really truly process that. i don't dwell on it, i try not to think about it, really, although of course the thoughts come occasionally, but for the most part i let them pass bc my thinking is currently rather unreliable and murky, colored as it is by WS (monkey mind chatter which does not allow for proper processing). maybe one day when my cognitive/emotional/spiritual/etc. capacities are healed, if it is still relevant and required, i will mourn any loss as necessary. for now i sometimes touch upon grief (primarily on behalf of our collective loss and the tragedy of psychiatric violence afflicting countless human beings and indeed our global ecosystem as a whole) but my mind is too feeble to truly grasp the staggering atrocity / swirling galaxy of bullsh*t. for the time being i'm mostly just sorta left stunned and reeling; and sometimes in a moment of clarity i feel a call to arms and long to spring into action and up onto the barricades (etc.), but i lack the abilities for any kind of follow-through, which can be distressing as i think, "i'm not doing my part to save my fellow suffererers out there!" in these moments i have to remind myself that first i have to get better, and for now i just gotta hang on to my own life raft, bc that's pretty much all i can do, and most of the time it's a tall order as is, at least for now. i have to tell myself that what i cannot currently comprehend, is not currently my job. i try to do the tasks i am able to do, that is what is for me to do here and now. for example: currently i am able to shower once a week, sometimes twice a week. i am able to do a gentle yoga session about once a week. leaving the house is very difficult, but i manage to get out about twice a week. i am able to do my own grocery shopping (usually once a week), which brings me a sense of satisfaction and purpose. i am able to cook for myself (i've been on a self-designed, tried-and-true nutritional regimen for a couple of years now, which works quite well for me); nourishing myself is a vital part of my day and one of the few ways i'm able to actively engage with life on a daily basis. there are many, many things i'm unable to do and many, many ways in which i'm functionally disabled. i don't feel like getting into that now. in this moment i'd like to focus on markers of progress. for example: here i am, writing an introduction post. i have not posted here before bc writing and verbal communication, esp. disembodied/virtual kind without being in the physical presence of the other person, is something that has been extremely difficult for me in withdrawal and continues to be very, very challenging. so this is really hard and scary right now; and at the same time it is a marker of progress that i am able to be here writing this at all, since for so long i have not been able to and now i'm giving it a try. we'll see how it goes. these days i feel like i'm in my little WS groove. doing my thing, doing the best i can. i tell myself that this too shall pass -- based on the accounts of people on this site and the many success stories, it's possible to recover and heal. i trust that this is true; which means that there's a finite number of WS days/hours/moments (that number is unknown and unknowable, i call it X). and so it follows that every single day/hour/moment of WS-related suffering is 1 down, X to go and brings me that much closer to the conclusion. this is my way of conceptualizing the unpleasantness and discomfort as healing-in-process. instead of thinking of it as "i'm still sick" (which connotates stuck-ness and static state), reminding myself "i'm continously healing" (which conveys movement and development and some notion of constructive progress). it's very, very hard. i do feel like things are getting better ... lately one of the odd things about feeling better is that the WS symptoms have decreased somewhat in intensity, and now that some of the WS symptoms are less extreme, it's as though it's less clear to me that they are indeed WS symptoms. i sometimes find myself thinking, "wait, what if this particular thing is no longer WS and now this is just 'me'?" overall i tell myself that this line of thinking is still WS, as these are "anxiety thoughts" and fear-based, and i pay them as little mind as possible. it's a strange sign of progress that as WS is gradually lessening in intensity the lines between "syndrome" and "self" seem to be blurring more and more. this is, of course, compounded by an underlying all-pervasive tension around the question, "who am i?" at this point i accept that i have no idea who i am. i don't know who i am now, i don't know who i was before, i don't know who i will be after. my sense of identity is flimsy at best, i have difficulty with any sense of continuity or understanding "me", "my life", or anything along those lines. it's okay. i'm not sure my sense of self has ever been that strong to begin with. i don't know where i'll be dumped at the end of this fun-house-mirror-lined chute of WS bizarro-world ... it's kinda funny sometimes, when i think about it. it's all so absurd. all these illusions and so many people out there running around all serious and self-important and convinced of what's "real". maybe i'll feel like that one day, who knows? ... (feel free to skip to the end of the book, eh?) anyway. i don't have much more to say for now. this is the most words i've used in any one sitting in any context possibly in years. i mostly don't like social contact due to conventions/exigencies of verbal communication (i don't mind context of shared social presence as long as there is no speaking/conversation involved) and so i spend most of my time alone. i'm actually surprised this many words have come out of me! and now i'm babbling, i've got the feeling this is all very messy. but the most important part is: ABSTRACT hello. thank you. i'm here. ain't that a trip with love, "me" 1996-2018: various polypharmacy combinations incl. SSRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzodiazepines, stimulants, etc. (approx. 30+ different drugs over the years) 2018 - inadvertently CTed lexapro/escitalopram from 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg (over the course of 6 months, and under the "supervision" of a psychiatrist whom i trusted at the time) July 2018 - 0mg lexapro/escitalopram 2017 - 2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 70mg 2020 - 2021 - tapered off of vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine from 70mg down to 0mg (gradually but unsystematically and probably too quickly) July 2021 - 0mg vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine February 2022 - 0mg - no psychopharmaceuticals - no drugs/medications of any kind supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 2mg melatonin at 9pm

Hello! I was put on medications during a weeklong hospital stay for major depressive disorder with psychotic features. I've experienced severe withdrawal symptoms, akathisia, insomnia, loss of appetite, body aches, depression 2 different times since the hospitalization. Once because I tried to come off the drugs on my own and the other because I was weaned off of Zyprexa too quickly. Now I'm on escitalopram and aripiprazol. I'm tapering the aripiprazol first and am doing well with that so far. I found out I was pregnant again and am 8 weeks along now. I have some anxiety about being on these medications while pregnant, but I should at least be off the aripiprazol soon if everything goes well. I plan on waiting 2-3 months after my last dose of aripiprazol before tapering the Lexapro. I'm hoping everything will go okay. It's difficult to know what symptoms are withdrawal related and which are pregnancy related. Right now I've got stomach cramps with loose stools every day for the past 2 weeks. Sleep is okay, but I feel so tired. Emotions are a little difficult to handle when they come. Trying to stay calm and positive about all these changes. Thanks!

Hi. I have been tapering off lexapro for 6 years very slowly. 10% of the last dose, even 5% the last few months. I am having non stop suicidal ideation. Depression and fear spirals. It’s been going on for 3-4 months. I’ve never had these symptoms before. I am wondering if this is still withdrawal or if it’s the lexapro itself. it doesn’t make sense for withdrawal to last this long with as slow of a taper I’m doing. Im waiting on more blood work to come back, most of it has been normal so far. not sure what to do in this situation. I worry this is the meds themselves. I hope it’s withdrawal and I can just stabilize at .672 mg.

This may be a bit long - if so, sorry. I am so pleased to have found this support forum after watching the Australian cut of The Antidepressant Story. I have had too many years struggling with what I thought was purely my own inherent nature. To be sure I have had issues to work through in my life - a tendency towards feeling shame being one - but I am lately gaining greater insight into the problems caused by these drugs that are so readily dished out by GPs who know nothing about them. It is difficult to now sort back through my memories and tease apart those experiences that were most likely caused by unhealthy thought patterns and those that were most likely pharmacological. I do know that I was initially treated for depression around the breakup of a marriage entered into too young for me - and at that point I needed help. I also know that professional advice - including a very well-respected psychiatrist - never warned me about withdrawal syndrome. In fact that psych had me abruptly stop Nefazodone in order to then transition me 2 weeks later onto paroxetine without any warning, leading to catastrophic feelings of terror and being out of control. I also know that over the years I have experienced very little depression but rather episodes of feeling dread and terror usually accompanied by thoughts of shame, failure and regret. I always experienced dizziness and mild confusion if I missed a pill or two, sometimes followed days later by an episode. From my own research and reasoning I understood these to be WD effects. What I didn't realise - and have never had any advice about from the prescribing doctors - was that the drugs may be making systemic changes with long term effects. I had to assume - and was encouraged by doctors to accept - that waves of terror and dread and being unable to bear being in my own skin that emerged a month after decrease or cessation were "relapse" to some generalised state of neurological mess that must be inherent to my nature. This has of course squashed my confidence and made me reluctant to stop taking the escitalopram that has been my chemical for years. Nevertheless, in the past 4 years I have now had 3 very deliberate attempts to stop the drug using various tapering methods, but nothing as gradual as the 10% exponential method that seems to be becoming increasingly accepted as a sensible approach. On each occasion there have been immediate symptoms including dizziness, brain zaps, mood swings and sometimes nausea that appear to resolve and are then followed a month later by waves of dread and terror. I interpreted my experience of this at the end of 2021 as being my body's reaction to time of life (mum dying, kid finishing school etc) and 2 years of lockdowns and diminished life caused by the COVID epidemic. I decided to use this as an opportunity to makes some life changes and these have been rewarding and exciting. I felt ready to try tapering off the drug again. Starting about May I adopted what I thought was a very conservative and slow reduction and reached 1mg without any major issues emerging. 1 mg seemed like nothing and so I stopped. Within days I had dizziness and some zaps and also a few days of dread and shame. I saw my (well respected and usually wise) doctor at this point. She told me that if I was knocked around after stepping off 1mg the problem might be bipolar disorder and I should think about taking a raft of other medication. This shook me a little but after reading about bipolar I decided she was way off the mark. The dread - but not the dizziness - then seemed to resolve until about week 5 after the total cessation when waves of dread and terror started. This time around I had just watched The Antidepressant Story which made me realise the extent to which the lived experiences of many people were very different to the commonly available advice (symptoms are usually mild and usually resolve within 2 weeks). I also learned about this forum. I am now taking the following steps: (1) I have on my own advice reinstated 2mg of escitalopram to try to stabilise, (2) I am searching for a psych who may care enough about this issue to be able to support me on my journey going forward, (3) I am using a different GP as the necessary fool who will write the scripts I need (he told me with assuredness that escitalopram was a safe drug that only needs a one month taper and any problems after that are evidence of an underlying problem that needs to be treated with the drug) (4) I am making necessary practical steps to offload work and seek deferral of study (5) I am reaching out to family (some of whom are supportive) and trusted friends and (6) I am now here. The waves are agony - starting in the morning and can continue with different degrees of intensity all day. During these I walk slowly around the neighborhood for hours at a time, which doesn't exactly bring ease but seems to help. I am finding I usually get a window in the late afternoon of evening when I can feel normal again and regain perspective. I am so pleased to have found this community and hope I can contribute as well as receive support from people with first hand experience of the same problem.

Drug history: zoloft 2015-May 2021 max dose 200mg (3 month fast taper) lexapro 5mg September 2021-October 2021 (adverse reaction) I was originally put on medication by a psychiatrist for chronic fatigue, however, over the years I developed anxiety and panic attacks which I had never experienced before and I thought the medication could be to blame. I followed poor tapering advice from a doctor. After several months of horrible symptoms I was told I was ‘relapsing’ for a mental health condition I never had but reacted badly before luckily discovering SA. Current symptoms: anxiety, test tightness, insomnia/sleep problems, fatigue, brain for, visual snow, gut issues Symptoms that have improved: panic attacks, akathisia, tachycardia, tremors, fainting, weight loss, muscle twitches, SI, pain over entire body, terribly itchy rashes Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, melatonin 0.3mg