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Hello everyone, I am hoping to get some feedback from someone and possibly some hope. I am attaching my medication history: Celexa 20mg January 2014- June 2019 Tried to stop cold turkey for a few days in February 2015, resumed normal dose Zoloft 38.5mg June 2019-August 2021 Weaned to 25 mg Started Wellbutrin 150mg November 2021 Stopped Wellbutrin cold turkey February 2022 Started Trintellix March 2022 Stopped taking Zoloft after decreasing to about 8mg in June 2022 Discontinued Trintellix July 2022 after having crippling panic attacks Restarted 12mg of Zoloft July 2022 (panic subsides for a few weeks, then BOOM, right back) Increased to 18.5mg of Zoloft August 2022, followed same pattern as above. Panic attacks gone for a few weeks and now back full force I have been having horrible, crippling panic attacks for the last few months. I have NEVER had anxiety! I wanted to stop taking Zoloft because of the sexual side effects and I am not even sure I actually needed to be on antidepressants in the first place. I blindly, and ignorantly, agreed to take Zoloft initially because someone said it would help me sleep through a difficult period in my life. 9 years later and here we are. I feel so alone. My doctor thinks I am crazy if I mention post acute withdrawal and wants to put me on more meds. He even offered me benzos knowing that I am in long term substance abuse recovery. Does anyone out there have any experience with developing panic attacks after trying to decrease/stop ssri's? I am desperate.

I had been on some form of anti-depressant and mood stabilizer/anti-psychotic since high school, 2002 or 2003. Initially I was put on Zoloft for depression which caused me to become "manic" which lead me to be put on Lithium, Abilify and Risperdal (not sure doses or when). Starting around 2008 I was put on Cymbalta and Lamotrigine/Lamictal. I got off the Cymbalta & Lamictal cold turkey on my own in 2011 and it resulted in brain-zaps and then a deep deep depression. I reluctantly got back on my meds. Beginning in 2020 (exact date I'm trying to find), my psychiatrist agreed to help me taper off my meds. I was able to get off the Cymbalta it seems fairly easily, which I have been off since the end of the Summer 2020. After getting off that I began tapering off the Lamictal ... I'm trying to find information on how much I lowered initially, etc., and don't have it right now. I do know I got down to 100mg by November 2020 and had to go back up to 150mg over the winter due to debilitating depression. Starting in ~March 2021 I began tapering again (again don't have exact dates/dosages as of now). I have detailed records of my tapering beginning in May 2021 when I began using the 25mg tabs to taper: 5/18/21 (May 18) - 6/13/21 (June 13): I alternated daily between 87.5 mg one day and 100 mg the next day (87.5mg/100mg/87.5/100) 6/14/21 - 6/21/21: 87.5mg each day 6/22/21 - 7/11/21: 75mg/87.5mg/75/87.5 7/12/21 - 7/26/21: 75mg each day 7/27/21 - 8/8/21: 62.5mg/75mg/62.5/75 8/9/21 - 8/30/21: 62.5mg each day 8/31/21 - 9/12/21: 50mg/62.5mg/50/62.5 9/13/21 - 9/26/21: 50 mg/day 9/27/21 - 10/10/21: 37.5mg/50mg/37.5/50 10/11/21 - 10/24/21: 37.5mg/day 10/25/21 - 11/7/21: 25mg/37.5mg/25/37.5 *On November 1, 2021, my dog and best friend of 10+ years, the Big Guy (110lb. half boxer/half mastiff), died after a brief fight with cancer... in retrospect I should have ceased tapering at this point; instead I continued my tapering in earnest and began to self medicate excessively with alcohol and cannabis 11/8/21 - 11/21/21: 25mg/day 11/22/21 - 12/5/21: 12.5mg/25mg/12.5/25 12/6/21 - 12/20/21: 12.5mg/day 12/21/21 - 12/31/21: 0mg/12.5mg/0/12.5 January 1, 2022 - Present: Off Lamicital Completely I had no idea about this site or a couple days ago. I have been realllllly struggling this whole year but especially the past couple weeks. Some days I am so depressed I can hardly get out of bed. Some days I am "functional." I have major brain fog where I can hardly think most of the time (which is not good for my job!). I can't hardly make even the most basic decision. It is bad. I am desperate. I do not know what to do. I really don't want to get back on the Rx. I'm looking for suggestions on how to cope with the withdrawal symptoms. I have been sober (no alcohol or cannabis) since January 1st as well. I workout, do Wim Hoff breathing, garden, meditate/pray and eat mostly organic. Supplements: EMPowerPlus Lighting Sticks, 5-HTP, Vitamins C, D, B-complex (6&12) & K2, Magnesium Glyinate, Kyolic Aged Garlic Extract; Just started taking St. John's Wort a couple weeks ago I don't really recall withdraw symptoms (depression) prior to my Dog being diagnosed with cancer in September 2021 (which coincides with me getting down to 50mg/day)--since he was diagnosed and then passed Nov. 1st, I have been mostly depressed. The brain fog didn't really start that I recall until ~January of this year when I was totally off -- but I could be wrong. Since November of last year, it has kind of been a blur. On another note, while not directly related to withdrawal, I am very unhappy with my current career and have been for some time. I think doing something that goes against my values and not really knowing what my purpose is has a big impact on me feeling depressed. However, right now with my brain fog and depression, I am having a really hard time doing any work whatsoever. So my purpose now is to get past these withdrawal symptoms so I can find my purpose in this world and what gift I can offer to other people. I am VERY wary of getting back on any RX and do not want to go that route if at all possible. Thank you if you read this far and I appreciate any advice on how I should proceed!! -Will

Has anyone ever felt like there neck is heavy (harder to hold it up) and their body too (slower movement)? Is that a symptom? Thanks

Hi there, Been using antidepressants for nearly 20 years. Started with Prozac, then citalopram, escitalopram, Zoloft, Cymbalta, amitriptyline, Remeron, tried Lyrica and some others as well. Nice years ago I tried to stop cold turkey (I was taking 20 mg citralopram back then) and had the worst year of my life after that decision. Had conflicts with everyone, had terrible back pain, living was Hell. Now I'm back a tapering, because at some point it was too much: I was drinking alcohol, drinking coffee, needed 20 mg melatonin to get asleep, took L-theanine, Remeron that knocked me off, 20 mg amitriptyline and 60 mg Cymbalta. I had ED from Remeron and the others, and felt really bad. Enough was enough. So I changed things. In the last month, I eliminated everything except for the Cymbalta. I stopped alcohol, caffeine, amitriptyline, Remeron, L-theanine, and melatonin. And I started tapering off Cymbalta, going down 3 mg each week for 10 weeks, which is my objective, to be at 30 mg for winter and maybe try to taper off again next Spring. So far it's difficult. Anxiety is going through the roof, sleep is only marginally better, feel anger all the time. I take magnesium, D3 and K2 to help me, but it only helps a bit. Is my tapering strategy too fast? Any advice? Should I keep going or stabilize first, and any way to manage anxiety? Any supplement that could help? I think I was vitamin depleted from so many years of AD... Thanks

Hi folks, TLDR: Too fast taper off 50mg Zoloft July/August 2023; withdrawal became intense in Nov 2023 and continues to today. Wedding is in early May so stress isn't stopping. Should I reinstate or keep going? Ok so, I've been creeping on the site here for a couple weeks, and was very excited when February 1st rolled around so I could register myself. I'd love to hear any advice or input on my situation. I've summarized my med history in my signature but here's the full story of where I'm at: In 2010 I started having panic attacks during sophomore year of college. These panic attacks were coupled with anxiety and severe gastric distress so I ended up dropping about 10 pounds and going to a Gastroenterologist because I thought I had IBS. The doc informed me it was not IBS, but that I had anxiety, and he prescribed me 20mg of Celexa which I began taking in November 2010. I also did exposure therapy through the university, and was diagnosed with panic disorder. With the medicine, my symptoms got better and I finished college in 2013 thinking "if it ain't broke don't fix it". In 2014 I made a random med change from Celexa to Lexapro, I don't think I had a real reason other than maybe thought I had gained weight from the Celexa so I switched? I continued on with 20mg Lexapro from 2014 until February/March of 2020. At that time, I was in really wonderful and healthy relationship, had just received a new job offer and felt really stable and content in my life. I hadn't had a panic attack in years and had always wanted to stop taking the meds, so with the help of a NP at a psych office, I weaned (far too quickly), taking 10 mg for 2-3 weeks, and then 5 or so every other day till I was at 0mg in the end of April 2020. Withdrawal aside, there were a lot of reasons this was stupid and I was ill prepared but I didn't realize that at the time. From May-July 2020 I experienced flu like symptoms, a plethora of brain zaps, SI, and some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced, much worse than my original condition. With no end to the pandemic in sight, and thinking it was just me, and I couldn't handle life without an SSRI, I went back to my NP at the psych office and reinstated with 50mg of Zoloft. We chose Zoloft because the physical symptoms of withdrawal from the lexapro were so bad she thought I might react better to the Zoloft instead. Ok, so I took 50 mg of Zoloft from July 2020 to June of 2023. The entire time I was on it I knew I wanted to try weaning again but wanted to take steps to make sure I was in a better place. I began heavily limiting my alcohol, caffeine, and sugar intake (things that were very high during the first attempt), made a lot of progress in therapy, got off of hormonal birth control, and started seeing a functional medicine doctor (FMD) to test my hormones and make sure those were as stable as they could be since we suspected I deal with PMDD. I worked with both my FMD and my GP to get a taper schedule together, and I thought I was doing it much slower than the first time. I tapered to 25mg during July 2023, and immediately had so much more energy and emotion than I had had for the last 12+ years. I cried a lot and often out of no where, but that and energy seemed to be the only side effects I noticed. In August 2023 I took 12.5mg daily for ~ 2 weeks, and then 12.5mg every other day for ~2 weeks after that. During this time I was also in the thick of training for a marathon, so I was running around 30 miles a week, the sun was out, I wasn't really drinking and life felt pretty manageable! After talking to some folks I really trust, I also had begun micro dosing ~125mg Psilocybin for a few days a week (~July-January) to help bridge the gap of coming off the Zoloft. I had some possible mild akathisia during this time, but I thought it was just from the running, and I also would get really nervous and have gastric distress before I went out on runs, but again - I thought it seemed normal to have a little panic before running 15+ miles 🤷‍♀️. I completed the marathon in the first week of October and slowly started consuming a bit more alcohol here and there, I don't think I ever actually got drunk at any point, but maybe 3ish drinks in a night every couple of weekends max. End of October /beginning of November 2023 was around when the anxiety and insomnia started. Which then after a trip to Mexico for a wedding, and drinking ~1 drink a night for the week + more the wedding weekend, I felt like I completely regressed with my anxiety and depression symptoms. Everything "came back" like it had in 2020 with a vengeance, I was 10x more anxious, suddenly depressed, incredibly irritable and annoyed by my partner, living in a pit of comparison, going through awful waves of gastric distress and nausea, crying all the time (though that had been there since tapering started), could get 0 pleasure, excitement or hope out of life and waking up with panic out of nowhere at 4 and 5 in the morning. This continued in what I called a "roller coaster" (waves/windows) From Nov 2023 to now. I didn't realize this was still withdrawals or that it even could be until the middle of January when I found this group by way of another facebook group I'm in and felt like it was an answered prayer. Just even to have a name to put to what I was experiencing, and seeing so many other people share the same issues I was experiencing. The constant crying, the waves and windows of anxiety and depression etc. I couldn't believe we all had been given such short taper plans by doctors, and was kicking myself for not finding out about this hyperbolic taper concept earlier, but alas... So! What I'm seeking is advice. My partner and I are getting married in early May 2024, and I am terrified of being in this depressed/agitated state (where often he is getting the brunt of my mood) on our wedding day. Stress isn't really able to be lowered at this time, with the wedding coming up, being understaffed at work, and us moving states this summer. My partner is incredibly understanding and supportive, and I've taken steps from what I've learned here to lower the stress on my CNS as much as possible: I'm not drinking or indulging in THC, I stopped the micro dosing mid January, I try to get 8-9 hrs of sleep every night, I exercise daily, take morning walks, eat a whole foods diet, go to therapy weekly, meditate and breathe daily, do cold exposure 4x a week, you name it I'm probably doing it. I track my waves and windows, but at this rate I don't see an end to them in the near future. I'm around 5 months into 0mg, should I reinstate at .5mg Zoloft and see if that curbs my waves and windows or just continue to push through? Thank you so much for reading, any advice is appreciated and valued!

Hey all, From original topic title: 8 months of hypomania, increasing irritability, two major manic episodes, then CT Wish I found this site before. Prescribed 50 mg in October 2018, reported immediate response, eventually asked to cut the dose to 25 mg when symptoms were arising more frequently. Doc said go up to 100 mg, thankfully I disagreed and we went down instead. Kept having increasing symptoms and eventually started taking 12.5 mg twice a day thinking I was a fast metabolizer. Then: suicidal ideation and one hell-ish manic episode (with a good 50 mini-episodes over a months time). Quit CT once I learned what was happening. BP2 diagnosis came, but now a month removed from sertraline, I don’t see it. I’m dealing with some crazy withdrawal symptoms... mostly headaches and irritability. I sometimes blink really hard, kind of like a brain zap. I’m on intermittent leave from work, and didn’t burn all the bridges I have, but came damn close. now I’m learning healing takes months/years. Why is this a drug prescribed so frequently? What a nightmare it has been.

I was on antidepressants for 16 years - mostly SSRIs and Wellbutrin. Today I am celebrating being off of them for 5 years. It was a very difficult road, but I am, for all intents and purposes, recovered. My life is normal now. What few symptoms I have are almost nonexistent, brief and passing, bearable. So many times through the dark tunnel to today I thought I was damned forever, but I made it out. My first answers came from this site, and I am thankful. If you are in that horrible dark tunnel, hang on. Know that even if you don't see the light now, it will come. Keep walking.

Hello, This is my first post on this forum after lurking for a couple years while tapering off of Zoloft, starting at age 20. I thought I had the taper under control for most of that time, but all the changes seem to have caught up with me. I am feeling skeptical that this is going to pass and that I will ever be able to get off of this medication. Anxiety, panic attacks, and physical disorientation and discomfort have kept me effectively homebound for a few months now, with no sign of cessation; it is discomfort far greater than I have ever experienced in my life. My sleep is often interrupted, and sometimes I am awake for up to 40 hours at a time due to physical stress. I cannot walk around my neighbourhood, let alone take the bus, go to the store, or participate in work or school; I can do very little physical activity at home, and have to be extremely cautious with my dietary choices. I am currently taking no supplements, but I am considering trying L-Theanine or Taurine, which I understand to be neuroprotective. Gabapentin seemingly helped me through medication changes in the past before, but I am skeptical of adding a new drug into the mix. My doctor had been helpful with the taper, but suddenly changed her tune after I was finally honest about the problems I was having, and is now of the opinion that I need to be on this drug forever (her words), completely disregarding the fact that many of my symptoms are purely physical and could not be explained by my "original condition" (as she maintains is the case.) Additionally, I have been adamant that going back on medication is not an option; Zoloft caused me to uncontrollably engage in extremely self-destructive and reckless behaviour (drinking by myself until passing out, sleeping with strangers using no protection, reckless driving); prior to taking medication, I was a quiet, introverted guy who liked gaming and fantasy literature, and had neither taken a sip of alcohol nor intended to. I also believe it is responsible for a sudden complete and unprecedented shift in sexuality (from heterosexuality to homosexuality) and strong gender dysphoria. I do not know which mechanism of the drug could have caused this, but there is no other suitable explanation, as these acquired traits have both completely subsided, directly synchronous with my taper. When I told my doctor that the medication had these effects on me, she prescribed me Seroquel (which I am, of course, not taking); despite my calm demeanour over the phone, she clearly thinks that I am delusional. I certainly learned my lesson through this, and will no longer say any more than is necessary to avoid seeming belligerent. Out of all the people in my life, only my mother and my girlfriend believe me that Zoloft caused me to have this dramatic personality shift that endangered my life, and they are both very supportive of me in general. My father, who is currently financially supporting me, albeit reluctantly, is of the same mind as my doctor; he believes that I have a genetic defect and must be medicated permanently. Overall, however, he has been surprisingly tolerant, and I have a safe place to live where my needs are being taken care of. I have undergone thorough medical examination, and have been determined to be in good physical health, aside from a recent POTS diagnosis that I believe is a result of my taper and is causing many of my symptoms. To sum everything up: I am trapped in a world of discomfort, and have no idea what my next steps should be. Any help at all is appreciated. I am only a young guy, and the future is not looking bright right now. I am really scared that I have damaged my body and brain beyond repair both by taking the medication for so long at such a high dose and in tapering improperly. Having said that, I am feeling much more like myself, and I know that I am on the right track. P.S. I apologize if any part of my post violates content guidelines. I was aiming for as much clarity as possible but any offending parts can certainly be removed.

Hi Everyone, I'm a college kid, and was on zoloft (100mg) for 1.5 years before I tapered off and has been off since March 2023. Zoloft did save my life as I struggled with PTSD before coming to college. Once I was stabilized on zoloft, I felt like I was out of the woods. But no, the tapering process has been a different hell. I experienced the worst withdrawal symptoms about 5 weeks since my last dose. This didn't help either especially I'm still at school. Last semester, I took two literature courses for my major, and ended up dropping one and almost failing another. During my finals period, I couldn't do anything and was on the verge of failing until I opened up about my struggle (but in a very unfortunate way) to my professor and now I think she is really hesitant to have me as a student. Literature/books used to be my favorite thing in the world, now I couldn't even understand what is happening on the page. I am scared that the withdrawal is damaging me, and I am scared I won't be able to heal in time to catch up with the requirements, and will eventually fail college altogether, and I am not sure what to do. I am about 3.5 months since my last dose, and I think I have been through the worst possible phase of withdrawal; however, I am still experiencing a type of despair/depression that I have never experienced before, and even though there were windows and waves that I have noticed, I am very scared about my future. I know that alongside of this depression is this nagging sense that something (spiritually) is wrong with me, and I have been trying to get back in touch with my inner life, but it's been very hard. I still have 2 years left at college, and as an international student from a poor family, I have worked very hard to get to where I am, and I don't have an alternative (transfer/taking a leave of absence bc of my scholarship). I just want to know for those experiencing zoloft withdrawal, how long does it take? especially for those who are still college students, how are you dealing with it, with all the uncertainty, the griefs of letting go some of the stuff that you so aspire?

Hi everyone, I told myself that if I ever make it out of this experience, I want to go back and give hope to others who are going through it. Around a year ago, I stopped setraline after a year and a half (including 8 months tapering). The weariness kicked in slowly, but I did not realize it was because of the withdrawal until I stopped it entirely. When withdrawal started, I kept telling myself to push harder, and harder as that was how I got through tough times before (mind you, I survived PTSD), but the reality was that I just couldn't. My mind started to hurt every time I try to think to an extent where I can't even string a coherent sentence together. The different thing is that during my withdrawal, nothing makes sense, not only cognitively but spiritually. Different from my trauma experience where even though flashbacks and triggers were rampant, there were parts of me that I still connected with and kept me sane, withdrawal felt like my identities and self have been stripped bare. For the following six months, I was what I could only describe as a psychotic break - it almost felt like time was slipping through my fingers, yet every hour that the clocks near my dorm chimed only reminded me of my own mortality. Yet, looking back, it was these little moments to telling myself to keep pushing forward - even though it did not make any sense at the time - that made a difference: getting up every morning despite all the odds and all the inner turmoil ravaging in the back of my head, deciding to push past the terms with every ounce of energy I have (it wasn't perfect, but hey we do what we can with what we have). These little things are pivotal moments that have allowed me to be where I am today. The progression of my withdrawals, as far as I can remember, were as followed -August 2023 (6 months after): this was when I first noticed a small glimpse of windows - a short relief here and there - that indicated that I was going to be alright. My head still hurts when I think, I still have horrible intrusive thoughts and that nothing I did make any sense -September 2023: Started my fall term junior year. I had a lot of grieves on the life path that I couldn't pursue, but I couldn't express any emotions just yet. Fall term was a leap of faith - I did not know if I would make it, but by releasing the academic pressure off my shoulder, I made it through. I was still on a full blown wave when stressed (especially during exams period or so), but deep down I had this feeling that the old me was inside, buried in some corner, but he was still there. There were moments where I did nothing but just crawled in my bed and waited out the waves, and I'm glad I allowed myself those moments. -December 2023: I had moments of doubts on whether I should come back to school. I know that school will only get harder from here, as well as many of the important life choices I will have to make, as well as the dreaded Midwest winter. Yet, I took a leap of faith to come back - and on top of the academic workload I had to manage with summer internship application (yes all of this sounds really vain but if you had asked me if I would be able to manage all of this I would have told you that you must have been crazy) -March 2024: this is truly the timepoint where I finally feel again - I feel grateful, I feel alive, I feel pain, I feel my bottled-up grieved being released (and continues to be released), but most of all, I felt a sense of deeper connection with life itself. I never thought I reached this place in my life where even though life is still a struggle at times, it is a beautiful struggle. On top of that, my constant migraines... just stopped. I'm not sure if this is it, or there will be other waves along, but I have never felt more at peace with everything. I'm not writing this piece to brag about my being able to do things during withdrawal - I think cutting yourself some slacks are necessary to your recovery and survival, something my old self would not have appreciated it. I guess what I am suggesting is that even at the darkest of time, when things felt so absurd and you couldn't think of a way forward, just keep moving, keep putting one foot in front of others, as best as you can. I remember a line from Samuel Beckett that kept me going in the darkest of time : "I can't go on. I will go on." It may not seem like it matters, but it does in retrospect. During my whole experience of withdrawal, I think one epiphany that stuck out to me the most was the paradox of things - that (metaphorical) dying is accompanied with rebirth, and birth with another dying - we are constantly going through these cycles of death and rebirth ourselves, and withdrawal being one of those dark nights of the souls. Know in your darkest of time, when you hurt the most that you are also healing, that your body is working to recalibrate your system and brings you back to homeostasis. This paradox is always at work. Of course, I know I am very lucky circumstance as so many others have taken these medications for so long, or are on a multi-drug cocktail. But just keep going, you will get there. I also want to thank the admins, and the community here for giving me hopes throughout my journey. The sense of community, as well as the success stories were lifeline that I clung onto in moments of chaos. My hopes and wishes are with you all, those who are suffering through this battles as well as those who have survived on the other sides.

Hey all, I was put on 50mg Zoloft in 2012 (21 years old), and been on them since, raising the dose to 100mg in 2015. I started tapering down in June 2021 with about 25mg reduction every 2.5-3 months, hit 0mg in the beginning of April 2022. Didn’t feel any noticeable difference until the morning after a night of drinking on June 10th 2022 and have been having terrible morning anxiety / hopelessness / intrusive thoughts about life regrets every day since. Is it normal for Zoloft withdrawals to suddenly hit you after two months of zero dosage? I was hoping I got lucky after the 1 month mark without feeling any WD symptoms. Also, the withdrawals seem to all but dissipate after ~6pm when it feels like my body is just exhausted which usually brings me relief, I go to bed just to wake up at 03:00-05:00 from pure adrenaline and the cycle repeats itself. What I have been doing to help my recovery is meditating, exercising, saunas, meeting friends as much as I can. I also took a single 7.5mg of Imovane before bedtime two days ago and was able to sleep until 07 which helped the rest of the day tremendously but I don’t want to keep doing that as I want to get back to normal naturally.

hey everyone, I came across this site last week after looking into Reddit for withdrawal/tapering information. Wanted to make an intro post to interact with you all about what I’m going through. So here’s a run down of my history with antidepressants. Zoloft 100mg in 2016 I believe. 2 month taper in February/March 2020. By mid September/October 2020, experiencing severe withdrawals (after moving across the country for a promotion in July 2020). Withdrawals including emotional rollercoaster, depression, anxiety, paranoia, extreme muscle rigidity. At this point, with having been off Zoloft for so long, I really didn’t think the symptoms could be from any withdrawal. I thought they were all from such a huge life change, being pretty isolated from the state of our society with masks, shutdowns, etc. So, Went to the doctor in October 2020, where I got back onto Zoloft at 50mg. We also took some blood work, finding my free testosterone to be at 92, so I went on TRT as well. From there, the muscle rigidity came and went, but mostly was present. There were times where I returned to Ohio for the holidays and my symptoms reduced, further instilling my belief that the symptoms were from isolation and being “homesick”. April 2021, I left the job that took me a cross the country. Then May 2021, I tapered off Zoloft at a more accelerated rate, being off within about a month. I was going into a complete career change, one that I thought would be the saving Grace to all the symptoms I had experienced at this point. Thinking my career had been a huge contributing stressor. In hindsight, as I’ve learned more about antidepressant withdrawals, I realized this logic was a little flawed. By July 2021, I was experiencing severe insomnia. I got back on Zoloft at 75mg. Also tried Xanax and Klonopin for the insomnia. Neither really worked, so we ended up on Temazepam. Gradually increased to 30mg, the highest dose. Was on 75mg Zoloft and 30mg Temazepam until May 2022. Mistakenly decided to cold turkey Zoloft, thinking I was experiencing serotonin syndrome. I began my Temazepam taper at the beginning of May 2022, reducing by about 10% every couple of weeks. I’ve been off Temazepam for 1 week as of today. And I’ve been back on 50mg of Zoloft since mid June 2022. The insomnia is not present, but sleep still disrupted throughout the night. Muscle rigidity is pretty fierce. Anxiety is present and depression. Some days worse than others. Brain fog, inability to focus (difficult to read), lack of joy, muscle stiffness all over, negative thinking/rumination, among other symptoms I may not be thinking of. As you’ve seen, I foolishly tapered too quickly in the last and tried cold turkeying. I’m just getting familiar with a lot of the terminology… and I’m wondering if I’ve possibly kindled my nervous system from going off/on Zoloft so many times. I’ve been holding at 50mg until the muscle rigidity symptoms dissipate. Last week, I left the job I was working at in NC and returned to my parents house in Ohio for a while so I could rest up while stopping Temazepam. I thought for a long time the muscle rigidity was coming from the Temazepam usage, lack of quality sleep and I would take it before bed so was thinking by mid or late the next day, I was experiencing withdrawals from Temazepam. At this point in my research, I’m starting to believe it’s more from the Zoloft. I’ve been bounced so much by doctors, that I was hoping to come here for a little insight. this is really hard for me because I was on top of the world when I first got off Zoloft in spring of 2020. I was getting a promotion to move across the country. Then got there, thought the side effects I was experiencing were a result of stress from the move, when now I’m thinking it was more from Zoloft, with it having been about 6 months since stopping it completely. And leaving that job in 2021, thinking it was a cause of much of what I was experiencing, before bouncing around from job to job, and taking huge financial setbacks has really taken a toll on my confidence and mental state. I know I’m not functioning at my full cognitive capacity that I’m used to from the past, and with it going on 2 years now, I’m so desperate for a change.

Hi everybody, My names David and from Sunderland U.K I have been on Anti Depressants since 2001, I initially went to the doctor feeling low on a dark January afternoon I was having trouble with a girlfriend and was unemployed. He gave me these tablets and honestly thought I would pop them and 2 weeks later << that was the literally in the info at the time I would be back dancing so to speak. As everybody here now knows that was so far from the truth it was unreal, I had panic attacks, Suicidal thoughts, My Penis disappeared and my groin hurt. I was scared to go out the house. Naturally I rushed back to the doctors and he told my these were possible side effects << hardly no side effects in the 2001 anti depressant leaflets, How times have changed. I did level out and my mood was better after about 2 month but that level was a form of numbness, No emotions and No sex drive, Both have drove my insane ever since. I then was told I need to get out more and find a job to help me feel better and help lift my mood. I was 22 at the time so I had all my friends that I grow up with or went to school with Playing football a few nights a week and going for a few pints and a game of pool on a weekend. The Numbness was holding my back though as is life friends then started to get girlfriends and moving on with their life, I did not. I'm explaining all this because I have since day 1 of the anti depressant which ever brand I have had felt *Depersonalised* < a term I now know. I was not interested in women because I was scared they would leave me as soon they found out I had no sex drive and little emotions Then thats when the Anti Depressant loop started!!! I read as much as I could at that time apparently you took them for 6 weeks and then if you were better and you come off them... NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!! I always consulted my doctor, I remember him telling me he did't take people off them at Christmas (Short dark days in the uk at that time) 1 time I went to the doctors and told him I felt good I had a job at the time early 20s wanting to get on with my life. he said i'm fine with you feeling better, Just stop taking them!! << I kid you not. As everybody knows in the forum I then went COLD TURKEY!! That was my first experience of the term I know now as withdrawal syndrome. Naturally I ran back down the doctors a week or 2 later and was then put back on the medication That literally been the story of my life ever since, personally any effect the tablet has is far outweighed by the side effects. I ballooned up to 17 stone at 1 point, Walked out of a job I had when I went through a period of my life when I was always on the sick for about 18 months << I thought it was the job, I was a van driver but between 2009 and 2010 as you can see by my medication signature the doctor literally kept changing my tablets and I was sent to a psychiatrist all that Dr did was up my dose. I was numb and suicidal for a year I think, it was the worst period of my life. I wined myself of Venlafaxine I knew it wasn't doing ANYTHING for me but the doctor was adamant something would change. I then went to to the doctors on an emergency appointment and he was completely pissed with me. I was then put on Sertraline in 2011 and told myself no matter the side effects and going to change my life. Get a job, lose weight, have some money get out of my parents house and most of all find a partner. I lost my Best mate/Brother in 2015 which has had a huge effect on my life, I was actually tapering off at that time << I would of crashed I didn't know what I was doing. with the passing of my mate I upped the tablets to 75mg I think and drank heavily for about 2 years. Then I hit a turning point of I cannot go on like this i'm killing myself, My mate (which only lived 5 doors away from me my whole life) passed away and other friends I grew up with now married off or working away all the time I was left isolated. I have friends but I don't interact with them like I did with my mate that passed away. I had a Job, Lost 2 stone felt good about myself even if I was still at my parents (who I love dearly) I thought maybes it time to come off these tablets once and for all and then get myself on a dating site and see what the future holds. So last September I thought to myself maybe's it time to do it properly (I tried coming off them in 2018 small taper didn't work usual brick wall back on the medication 2 months off work) I was taking 50mg. My 10 year repeat prescription was 100mg but I was too numb on that dose. I didn't consult my doctor with it being in the middle of the pandemic < I worked all the way through. I went from 50 to 35 I think for about 4 weeks then to 25 for over Christmas << the numbness started to go and clarity coming back I started to feel better about myself thinking of the future. Then I halved to 12.5 I think for a month then halved again a month later Everything was fine I thought. I was quite irritable and I had a problem with a manger at work and he started to live in my head I just thought it was the medications leaving my system and would turn the corner. A good friend of mine offered my a job in the same industry and I took it was my mood went sky high that was 6 weeks ago. Then the anxiety started. I was having Road rage constantly << in my head. then the paranoid thoughts kick in. then last week the suicidal thoughts I started counselling and hypnotherapy treatment 3 weeks ago hoping to get over this bump, But once the suicidal thoughts kicked in I phoned my doctor up and guess what ? He advised me to go back on the medication which I did as the thought of Suicide were so real. I had a session with the counsellor on Saturday she said she could have calmed me down! I am now on day 4 of 25mg Sertraline having just phoned in sick from work in my new job (My mate was completely fine to be honest, told me take my time and get better) going through the sick effect phase AGAIN I have never searched about this subject before till Friday I did not know why I hadn't looked into it before I apologise for the long explanation but that is basically the last 20 years of my life and probably the rest of my life! I do live in hope David

Hi, I found this site a couple of weeks ago and have slowly been starting to wonder if what I’ve been going through the past 18 months is related to SSRI withdrawal. I managed to successfully withdraw from Lexapro at the end of 2010, after over 13 years of AD use. I had various fluctuating symptoms for a couple of months, but then apart from constant ringing in my ears and a return of occasional anxiety, I seemed to be ok. I was studying to be a chi-ball instructor, was exercising regularly, was eating healthy and was generally quite happy. After getting off Lexapro, I had been diagnosed with adult ADD and been put on medication for that. It worked well for a couple of weeks and seemed to completely cure what remained of my anxiety, but then I started to get extreme restlessness, OCD like symptoms, irritability and an increase in my sensitivity, to sounds and lights. I assumed it was a bad reaction to the stimulant medication. My life has been a confusing nightmare since the end of 2010 really, but until I found this site a couple of weeks ago, it really didn’t occur to me that my ongoing problems were being caused by a medication I stopped taking over 2 years ago. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life starting from an early age and have always been sensitive and anxious. There has been some violent crime and sexual abuse, but I seemed to be ok until I got myself into a psychologically abusive marriage. That’s when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and started on Zoloft. For a couple of years it took the edge off my anxiety, but I never thought I had depression, but the Zoloft just made me feel generally numb, so I endured my marriage, for several more years until it became unbearable, tried to communicate with my ex-husband so that things would improve, but he wasn’t interested in change, he was already in his next relationship and had been for a while, I didn’t know that at the time though. Then I went through about 4 years of extremely frightening separation/divorce and ongoing court proceedings. . There were other extremely stressful things I’ve had to deal with over the last 10 years, but I’m not going to go into details. I have been thinking that what I’m going through is a combination of long term stress, anxiety/depression, a ‘dark night of the soul’, menopause and/or some kind of spiritual transformation like kundalini, because I have engaged in various spiritual practises through my life. At times its felt like my CNS is completely burned out or that I have some kind of serious hormonal imbalance, but I gave up trusting the medical profession, including psychologists after years of not being able to get any help from any of them and only ending up feeling worse and that its all my fault for not trying hard enough. I’ve had lots therapy, counselling and done various support groups over the last 15 years, nothing has been any significant help. I went back to college to study psychology and started a business, but that all fell apart when the marital abuse became worse and the divorce proceedings began. Since finding this site, I’ve stopped taking all psychotropic medication, realizing that anything which effects my brain is having an exaggerated negative effect on my recovery. For a long time I’ve noticed that even small amounts of caffeine, half a glass of wine or even an anti-histamine will have a very bad effect on me, but I was thinking it was my imagination. I can’t even eat chocolate any more without suffering the next day. I’m exhausted all the time, but it’s a weird kind of fatigue, its like a combination mental/emotional tiredness, not like anything I’ve ever felt before. I spend most of my time at home, on the internet on my bed, just doing the things I need to do to take care of myself and my teenage daughter. Its very difficult just getting out to buy a few groceries, but when I do go out, I function perfectly in a kind of dissociated way, like I’m not even in my own body, I’m watching myself like from a distance, wondering who it is that’s behaving so ‘normally’ when I’m feeling so awful. Waves of negative emotions seem to get triggered by almost everything around me and almost every thought, I try not to think about things or do much of anything so I can avoid the emotional pain that thoughts or experiences bring, its like a kind of forced meditation. This symptom was at its worst from November 2011 – August 2012, but its not as bad now, seems to be settling down, I think its improved by about 50%. Please would someone take a look at the details in my signature and give me an opinion if protracted anti-depressant withdrawal might be a factor in my current health problems which include: Waking at 5am with racing thoughts Feeling like I haven’t slept at all Nausea, shaking, dizziness, body pressure, muscle twitches Waves of negative emotion Hot/cold flashes, sweating Constant ringing in my ears Sensitive to sound, light and smells Can’t watch TV or listen to the radio because its too stimulating Most things are too stimulating now, including being around other people too long Loss of appetite and loss of weight Hair falling out Agoraphobia, mostly during the day, I’m able to go out easier late afternoon towards evening Memory problems and mental confusion Loss of confidence. Loss of interest in doing anything or going anywhere Can’t get any pleasure out of things any more Loss of hope I needed to put more detail in my signature, but that’s all that would fit. From about 2006 – 2008 I was also taking duramine (a prescription stimulant weight loss med) to try and lose all the weight I’d put on from being on SSRI meds. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to try and provide a clear picture of my situation. Thank you Petu

I hope you are well. I am on Escitalopram 10mg reduced overnight from 20mg. After being on this specific medication for 7 months and having been on Citalopram from the age of 22. Meaning I have been on an SSRI for 22 years. Last year after my breakdown in April (I’m actually thinking it might have been my medication stopping working that caused all this) I was put on Venlafaxine immediately without any tapering off citalopram for 2 weeks (Actually wanted to commit suicide due to that drugs side effects) I was then put on Sertraline without any tapering off Venlafaxine. That caused incredibly unpleasant side effects. In August without tapering again I was put on Escitalopram 10mg then two months later upped to 20mg to “give it a go” by psychiatrists. Not one of these medications have worked and have made me worse. Come more recently I suggested I wanted to wean off Escitalopram because I felt constantly in fight or flight. That was about a month ago. I was then prescribed buspirone 5mg x 3 a day and had my Escitalopram reduced to 10mg overnight, no tapering. A week into that regime I stopped Buspirone of my own accord and am currently on just the 10mg of Escitalopram that hadn’t been working in the first place. I actually think I’ve been withdrawing from all the antidepressants since April in some peculiar way. Since I first started antidepressants in 2002 I haven’t once had a doctor review my medication, not once have they asked me about coming off, the only time things changed is to up my medication or “give another” on a go. Today I have chronic muscle twitches, that don’t stop. My mind is clearer bizarrely and less brain fog but my physical symptoms are another matter, I’m aching considerably, I wake up shaking in the morning, and the cold makes my body shiver uncontrollably. The muscle twitches in my legs are 24 hours a day every minute. I try to go to the gym but it’s hard as my calves cramp. I have contacted a nutritionist as I’ve had dozens of blood tests thinking something must be out of sync, deficient. I’m on a good diet plan of protein and high fibre. And supplements. I currently don't know where to turn or what to do, as I am now on 10mg Escitalopram only, I don't know whether to go up gradually to try and resolve these physical constant muscle spasms/twitches even though the medication itself offered me no relief from anxiety/depression etc and actually made me 100 times worse, or to taper down. Either way I'm stuck. My body is a mess, that was once absolutely fine, it's now all over the place. Something that’s keeping me going is knowing someone is highlighting the daily struggle of these drugs and the complete disregard for the patients that are prescribed them. I hope this email reaches you all in good health.

I am tapering venlaflaxine at 5% monthly and I am at 17.50mg now. Been on antidepressant for 30 years

The Origin Story I developed a fear of throwing up as a kid and was only comfortable throwing up around family members or at home. When I went to school, I developed this weird fear that I’d throw up at school, so for 6 hours everyday I’d be paranoid of throwing up. Eventually, I kept going to the office and saying I was sick. For about a week, this worked and I was allowed to go home, then they sort of caught on that I was not really sick. I didn’t know how to articulate myself, and after being literally disallowed to go home, I started having panic attacks, feeling trapped at school with adults that didn’t care about me/accused me of constantly “faking” my sickness. To be fair, I was, but I was definitely not faking the panic attacks and anxiety it brought me. I got prescribed 0.5mg of Lorazepam at the age of 11 and rarely used it. Even as a child, I hated the idea of taking pills. I really don’t remember if the Lorazepam really worked either, it may have “calmed” me down but the feelings of dread always still remained. Eventually, I got worse and worse and got prescribed Cyprexa in mid-2016. I took it everyday and took Lorazepam when needed, but as I said earlier, I tried to avoid the Lorazepam. The Cyprexa “didn’t work” so I got put on Sertraline in October 2016 at the age of 13 and took it for the next 7 years at ever-increasing doses. See my signature for more detail. Did this solve my agoraphobia that came from my fear of throwing up? No. Hence why I kept trying to increase my dosage. I literally stayed homebound for years. Nothing changed, if anything, it made things worse, but I knew I “had” to take it, because I was told I would need it forever. I tried stopping multiple times but would get these weird sensations in my head (which I have right now) that almost felt like my brain was shutting off. I did get brain zaps but those weren’t my main concern, although it was a weird phenomena to endure. I couldn’t bear what I assumed were withdrawal effects and assumed that getting off the pills would be hard. The pattern was simple: I’d willingly stop taking the pill and after 2 days, I’d feel great. Then day 3 came, and all the weird symptoms came pouring down on me. Then, I’d reinstate. I’d try to do this 1-2 times a year, thinking I’d be able to withstand the effects, however, I always caved, mainly because I needed to go to school. So, the depression started after multiple failed attempts to get off the drug. I felt trapped on those damn pills. I had to take them everywhere I went in fear of missing a few doses. No doubt I was completely dependent on them. Fast forward to COVID times in 2020, where I no longer needed to attend physical school. I only had one job that was incredibly part-time but stopped going because it was too much for me. Zoloft was supposed to help me, to help me get out of my room and live life, but it didn’t. I didn’t accomplish anything. Most days, I wouldn’t attend online class due to how terrible my sleep was. I literally could not sleep at proper times and opted to just sleep instead of attend. I now know that these pills aren’t really great for sleep, especially considering that I took them right before bed. Eventually my sleep got so bad, that I stopped sleeping altogether in 2021. At this point I was basically stopped attending classes altogether. I deeply regret this. Eventually, I got put on trazodone after complaining that I couldn’t sleep at night to my family doctor. It’s not that I had terrible cortisol spikes at night, I simply just couldn’t sleep. I felt dreadful but my word if I can go back to those days that would be amazing. Before, not being able to sleep for me was bad but not a terrifying experience. For the first week of trazodone, everything was fine. It was a miracle, I was actually sleeping! And then, the side-effects started. After a few weeks, I tried to sleep without the trazodone and couldn’t. I thought, “well I’ll just keep taking it, I’m sure I’ll be able to stop anyway”. In January 2022, I asked to go up to 150mg of Zoloft. Throughout the two weeks from January 6th to January 20th, I took 125mg of Zoloft then started 150mg after the two weeks were up, as directed by the doctor. After a few days of taking 150, I noticed that everything was getting worse, so I abruptly stopped taking 150 and went back to 100mg sometime in February or March 2022. It felt better, but it only went downhill from there. This is where I started to suspect that maybe increasing the amount of drugs in my system wasn’t a good idea. Eventually, I became dependent on the trazodone as well and skipping a dose would be hell on earth. I had to practically beg my parents to go to the pharmacy and refill a bottle once I finished it. I actually can’t fully describe the symptoms I felt when I tried to sleep without it. I can, however, say it was torturous. I started violently shaking once and thought I was having a seizure. My parents would often tell me to just “fall asleep” and when I said “I literally can’t you don’t understand” they’d angrily respond saying that I definitely could and would get incredibly frustrated every time I needed a refill, but man, once that drug entered my system, it was so calming, it’s like I was taking a benzo. The side-effects during the day were unbearable though, and most of my days for 2 years were waking up, being in incredible pain, and desperately waiting for nighttime so that I could take it again and sleep. I was obsessed with my sleep schedule, because I thought I needed to be. I would’ve rather dealt with the excruciating side-effects of taking the pill rather than the even worse side-effects of trying to sleep on my own. I also developed GI issues that I have to this day, rarely going to the washroom and having bloody painful stools when I do. Naturally, issues with bloating followed. I literally couldn’t nap during the day and still can’t, as I’d always inevitably get so disoriented and confused after trying, with the inevitable annoying cortisol spike, which was the scariest thing and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was hell. This is where the dpdr really took full form. Taper Timeline I had enough of the chronic fatigue, the vivid nightmares, the inability to sleep without trazodone and the almost seizure-like shaking that came with trying to skip a dose, the derealization and the excruciating headaches that were present from the moment I woke up, so I came to the conclusion that it had to be the drugs. In late 2022, I told my doctor I wanted off. He said that they don’t usually recommend tapering during the winter and told me I had to wait until summer to start tapering. I told my doctor that I needed to stop immediately, to which he replied, “then stop taking it”. I basically had the choice of doing it on my own or waiting until the summer. At this point though, I was desperate. I needed to be off. I couldn’t bear the symptoms anymore. Firstly, I decided to just stop taking the medication and after a few days realized that doing that was a terrible idea. So, I requested lower dosages of Zoloft and started meticulously cutting the Trazodone tablets. I tapered both drugs at the same time for the span of only a few months. I regret not researching anything about withdrawal and just assumed I’d be fine if I did it this way. I decided I needed to prioritize the Zoloft first because I was told from doctors that it could inhibit sleep, so I tapered it quicker than the Trazodone. Over the course of a couple months from maybe October/November 2022 to April 2023, I went from 100mg of Zoloft to 0, decreasing by 25mg on my own volition when I felt like it was time, with my last dosage being 12.5mg. I couldn’t tell you exactly when I dropped dosages and regret not recording it, but at the time I didn’t think I needed to. When I hit 0 on Zoloft, I was at about 6.25mg of Trazodone, as I cut the tablets in half about three times. It’s amazing how easy it was to fall asleep at 6.25. It’s like I never needed 50mg in the first place. I realize that 50mg of Trazodone is considered a low dosage, but the efficacy of the drug at 6.25 seemed to be the same. I wonder why that is. Anyway, after multiple failed attempts to sleep without trazodone, with multiple bouts of inner torturous restlessness that came with trying to sleep without it, I finally got about 2 hours of sleep without it after crying myself to sleep. This was monumental for me. You have no idea how much this meant to me after not being able to sleep/nap for more than one second without the use of these damn pills. I felt I needed to stop the taper and try to sleep another night without it, and lo and behold I did. For the next few weeks I started to sleep without the trazodone. Was it restorative sleep? Was is sleep that cured the chronic fatigue that the drug gave me in the first place? No. Absolutely not. I haven’t had restorative sleep for years, but it was sleep nonetheless, and that’s what mattered to me. I felt like I needed to stop taking the trazodone in fear that I’d rely on it again, but had it with me in case I ever felt the need to take it again in sheer desperation… which I did… but only once, in June 2023, which may have screwed up everything for me and I regretted it almost immediately. You see, throughout April-June, my mindset was “well if I get extremely restless and if I’m unable to cope with the flooding of emotions that prevent me from sleeping, I’ll just pop this trazodone next to me and I’ll feel fine!” The reassurance of having these pills available helped me get through the night, but after relapsing and suffering for it, I learned a few things. 1) these pills really are a massive problem and 2) I had to eliminate the mindset of thinking of trazodone as a drug I could just take if incredibly desperate. So, from June 2023 until now I can call myself drug-free. What an incredible accomplishment. Except, what I failed to realize and what I’ve now come to realize is that I tapered incredibly quickly, especially for someone who was influenced under some kind of drug from age 11-20 and that it wasn’t going to be clean sailing. Withdrawal Timeline Late 2022 - April 2023: While tapering the drugs, I felt so incredibly bad but kept going because I thought that this is what I needed to do. Restless 24/7, incredibly derealized, bedbound, frightened of just about anything, couldn’t really walk, talk etc. This was particularly the case when I was close to the finish. March - April was just terrible. It was all a blur honestly and I felt like I was taking even more drugs rather than decreasing. April 2023 - June 2023: Neuroemotions, restlessness, derealization, bad intrusive thoughts, and more, but those were the main debilitating ones. The neuroemotions as I’ve come to recognize it as was awful. Truly awful. I still deal with them to this day, and maybe some of what I’m feeling is warranted, but from the span of two months I basically regarded myself as a man unworthy of living. Essentially, every bad thing I ever did was at the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t deal with it. Telling me “you’re a good person!” was something I simply couldn’t accept. I was drugged for half my life and I have no idea what part these drugs played regarding my actions. I stayed in my room all day during this period, didn’t want to talk to anyone and just wanted to distract myself on my phone and hoped I’d eventually get though it. I never had time to create a sense of “self” because I was always regulated under these drugs that, while a bit helpful, never ever solved the root problem. Zoloft quelled my anxiety but never entirely, and made things worse every year. I’d get an increase of dosage and things would get better, until they didn’t. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to create a new sense of self after these drugs. The fatigue was still awful, the headaches less so, but I felt dead, and didn’t value myself at all. June 2023 - August 2023 It begins. I felt like a prisoner in my own mind and I took Zoloft. I couldn’t sleep, obviously, so I popped the Trazodone as well and slept. And when I woke up, I felt like I was back to square one. I had the biggest headache and I was more fatigued than ever with thoughts racing faster than ever before. I then thought to myself, “never again.” So, for the next few sleepless nights I was determined to not, at any circumstance, pop those pills. I felt probably the worst in those 2 days of not sleeping. If this was months earlier, I would’ve popped the pills no question. It was hard, but I eventually slept again without taking the pills and slowly recovered from the torture that I inflicted on myself. The derealization remained, as did the chronic fatigue and hate for myself. For those months, I had to come to terms with the fact that I actually had to deal with these emotions naturally and that pills cannot ever be the long-term answer. The fact is, humans were never meant to be chemically regulated, and having been medicated for so long, I had to realize that life is so much more than just shutting up and taking pills, thinking that it’ll solve all my problems. I remained bedridden, still hating myself. In late August, I had a horrible relapse of not being able to sleep for even a second, which happens more frequently than I’d like. Once in a while, my body would just refuse to sleep, and the first instance of that happened here. It was gruelling and I felt like that was it for me. I felt more disconnected than ever but eventually found sleep after about 40 hours. September 2023 Probably the best month I’ve had in years. I actually had motivation. I still hated myself, but it went from a 10/10 self-hatred to maybe an 8/10 self-hatred. I exercised, went on walks, started to pay attention to what I was eating but remained unsocial. I just wanted to be alone and do all these things. I’d spend more time in the sun before the cold weather started to come, and thought I was making progress. I slept for 9 hours everyday and although I still had derealization and often woke up sort of disoriented and sometimes confused, I had hope that I was recovering. I mean, come on! 9 hours of sometimes uninterrupted sleep? That was a great accomplishment to me. I haven’t had that in years. The sleep wasn’t really restorative but for the first time in my life I had hope. I started to try to wake up earlier because I felt that 9 hours was a long time, and tried to set alarms for 8 hours. This was incredibly stupid. If you’re in a similar state, don’t try to get complacent. Listen to your body. If it needs to sleep for 9 hours, LET IT. Then, it all began. October 2023 - Now Hell. This is where I felt like withdrawal truly began. After bouts of barely sleeping, my mood declined and declined. Derealization hit an all-time high. The back of my head was on fire and the worst was yet to come. Firstly, my appetite became non-existent. I couldn’t eat much, and if I did, I had to deal with the nausea that would ensue shortly after. I even threw up once, which for me is rare nowadays as my previous fear of throwing up made me sort of learn how to suppress throwing up, even when incredibly nauseous. When I throw up, something is horribly wrong. Visual misperception started, vivid hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, traumatizing sleep paralysis and what would be considered symptoms of “bi-polar” started to begin. Intense mood swings, breakdowns, feeling different everyday, feeling “wrong”, akathisia that’s way more pronounced when waking up or trying to sleep, inner restlessness that is impossible to get rid of, visual snow, closed-eye visuals sometimes resembling what I’d consider what would happen if I took small doses of LSD, after-images, double vision, grainy vision, blobs of colour throughout my vision, visual distortions, and trouble focusing on things with eyes. Most of these visual symptoms were exacerbated 7 months after the last dose. Is this normal? Is it normal for new weird symptoms to develop even months after stopping? This is why I’m sceptical this is all related to withdrawal, but then I ponder whether these debilitating symptoms would be present if I never took the pills, especially Trazodone, in the first place. I’m also inclined to believe this is related to withdrawal is because Trazodone really ruined me. I seriously couldn’t tolerate that drug yet I took it for almost 2 years. I figured that there’s no way that the damage done by that stupid drug would take a short time to correct. I also deal with tinnitus, weird sensations in my brain (I can’t even describe them, it feels so weird and sometimes painful) orthostatic hypotension (which probably resulted from these drugs in the first place, I had a problem with this my entire life and apparently it’s a side-effect), even worse sleep than before, the furthest disconnection from reality ever, short-term memory problems, anhedonia, extreme malaise, muscle pains, hyper-vigilantism, light sensitivity, tremor in the head and arms, the list goes on. Some days I’d cry in despair due to how utterly braindead and disconnected I feel. Every time I wake up, it takes me a few hours to go from completely disconnected to incredibly disconnected, which seems the same but there is a difference. Before Christmas of 2023, I went to the hospital to tell them what has been going on. Much of my visual symptoms weren’t really prevalent at this time. I couldn’t really speak so I wrote everything down for them to read. As I’ve never really been thorough with my symptoms to doctors throughout the years, because I hated the idea of opening up to anyone, I wrote this massive essay about the complete timeline of my symptoms. The doctor looked at it for about ten seconds and prescribed me Mirtazapine 7.5mg. Now look, forgive me if found that a little sketchy. I waited hours in the hospital, basically spending the entire time listing everything I’ve ever gone through to eliminate ANY POSSIBLE CHANCE OF CONFUSION (mainly because I had enough of constantly going to doctors throughout the years and just wanted answers once and for all), they spent about 10 seconds reading it and prescribed me medication. They were actually going to perscribe me Lexapro again, but I told them I had trouble sleeping (something they would’ve known if they read the whole paragraph) and they instantly changed their mind and gave me Mirtazapine. At this point I’m very skeptical and confused. Did I really need to sedate myself again and end these months of progress without medication? Something felt off. At this point I was also on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist that lasted months, and the appointment finally came in the beginning of January, and through this live chat, I saw a psychiatrist. I explained my problems to him and got prescribed a different medication: Prozac. I never told them about the hospital visit, because I didn’t want that to influence what they were going to give/tell me. I then asked the psychiatrist something patients probably rarely ever ask them: “how exactly do these meds actually work?” I’m sure you can guess their response. He told me I had this chemical imbalance, something I was told all those years ago, and that these pills work by correcting the balance. I knew by now that this explanation was utter nonsense. If chemical imbalances were solely the issue then I’m sure these pills would work like magic and this forum wouldn’t exist. They don’t. Not at all. If only psychiatrists actually were honest. I’m longing for the day that I ask that question and they respond with “I have no idea”, because that’s literally the only correct answer. Nobody knows how these pills work, they just do for some people and don’t for others. Remember, without these supposed mental illnesses, these psychiatrists are jobless. That’s something to keep in mind. They have an incentive to lie to patients and lead them down a rabbit hole of polypharmacy. It’s actually disgraceful. I knew everything was a sham after I got prescribed that Prozac. I knew that maybe something else was going on with me. That’s when I had the thought that maybe these pills were the problem all this time. I began to start researching about what happened to people after they stopped taking their antidepressants, and everything seemed to make sense. As a person who tends to be very skeptical (which was definitely brought on with my experiences with psychiatry and pharmacology), I wasn’t really sure whether to believe I was in “antidepressant withdrawal.” My whole life I was told I was mentally ill by doctors, so who am I to go against their word. I even went to a doctor shortly after and got told I had ADHD. What? You’re telling me this whole time THAT was the issue? It didn’t make sense. I got prescribed Vyvanse and told that it was utterly ridiculous that it was withdrawal and told that “even the most avid of heroin addicts feel better after 7 days off.” This remark truly confused me. Surely that isn’t the case. This is where my trust levels went to an all-time low. I was suddenly put into this hellish wave of a plethora of symptoms, and was prescribed 3 different medications from 3 different doctors in the span of a month. Something was off, so I kept doing my own research to rule out all possibilities. I then found this website and spent hours looking at other people’s stories and figured that this must be what I’m going through. Sure, I was an anxious mess before taking pills, then again I was 11 and a highly sensitive and fearful child. Sure, I had problems regulating those emotions, but sometimes I wonder if I could’ve just outgrown it. I didn’t hate my life as a child necessarily because I had friends and lived normally at times. Literally the only issue was that I got incredibly agoraphobic and was reluctant the leave the house and my parents as a child. Going to school sucked, but at home I would be left to my own devices, frying my brain playing video games, which I attribute to my attention span issues. I literally lived online, depressed, on pills that never helped in the long run. I had symptoms resembling OCD but they didn’t really consume me the way it did after taking pills and after going off. Ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you I was a very joyful child who loved humour and loved doing any activity I could, despite the fears that I had. I truly believe that I could’ve conquered this with proper guidance as a child. Some children are just sensitive and scared. Sometimes they’re like that for no obvious or “logical” reason and sometimes because they’re confused about living in this world they never asked to live in, but they do and that’s a beautiful thing. Everyday is a struggle. Some days I’m convinced I’m dying and others I’m convinced there’s healing to be done. Some days I read the horror stories and immediately catastrophize and some days I read success stories and get that extra bit of motivation. There’s no telling where I’ll be in a couple months but I cannot let these pharmaceutical companies win, so I don’t know. I just hope to get to a point where I can tackle my crippling agoraphobia once and for all, without the use of chemicals which never really helped in the first place. I have to believe that after these hellish, torturous symptoms subside, I can tackle life with a different perspective and get help the proper way. I see people recover from what I’ve had as a child all the time, and I have to believe that I can too. I never lived my life. Ever. My life has been me just existing, never doing anything of note. I’m 20 and sometimes feel like my life is already over. But it can’t be. There has to be some life in me, some life I never got to live under the influence of drugs. I see all these stories of people being drugged their whole lives find actual purpose, and I got to believe that my life has one too. The Present So yeah, I’m currently feeling dreadful, the worst I’ve ever felt. I don’t know who I truly am and when I remember events from the past I find it hard to believe that yes, that was indeed my life. I’m in constant pain, similar to the type of sensations I felt when originally trying to withdraw from the medication, but with even more vigour. I can barely speak and I’m constantly uncomfortable. I look like I’m high all the time. The visual symptoms are the worst, it fuels my dpdr to an even more unthinkably unbearable state, not to mention the tinnitus. I find it really hard to suppress my screen time due to not wanting to be alone with my own thoughts. I realize that I need to eventually push myself to stop looking at screens all day, but usually when I do, the day that follows is absolutely horrific, and all my symptoms return with a vengeance. This has happened every time I try to detox from my phone. There are some days where my symptoms go from a 10/10 to a 7/10, where I still mainly feel terrible but not in hell. Originally, I didn’t think this was related to “windows and waves” but I realized that windows don’t mean the complete elimination of all symptoms, but rather a time where the symptoms become more tolerable. In fact, the physical symptoms remain the same and sometimes new ones form, but there are some days where I’m just inexplicably able to tolerate it more, and some days where I simply can’t. Am I 100% convinced all of this is withdrawal? Not entirely, but that’s why I’m here. I’m here to learn, mainly out of despair. I know I’m an anxious person, but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. As soon as I stopped taking the meds, everything and I mean EVERYTHING got worse. There must be a correlation, right?

My story in a nutshell: Always been anxious but got really bad in 2015 Went to see the doctor and was told I didn't have depression but had GAD Was prescribed Sertraline and GP told me coming off them meant “mild to no symptoms” Started 50mg Sertraline 1 Jan 2016 but also quit coffee and alcohol at the same time Brother on 200mg told me you feel better after six weeks Had blurred vision, dry mouth and increased appetite but was otherwise fine (but still anxious) Six weeks to the day (more on this later) I felt more relaxed, clear-headed and less anxious Decided to come off after nine months as to me medicine is a last resort and I felt okay Tapered off over three months Withdrawal started and it was indescribably bad — I can barely even put it into words Went on for a while and I went back to the doctors, was dismissively told it would right itself and that I could always go back on them if I wanted to Didn't have many people to speak to about it but those I did said it was my depression coming back and I need to go back on the meds I knew it wasn't as how I was feeling was an order of magnitude worse than I'd ever felt in my life the the most depression I'd had before that was likely dysthymia as I was always functioning and never missed any work from it (interestingly I don't think the NHS recognise dysthymia and I was never diagnosed with it but in hindsight while not feeling hopeless or worthless I likely have had anhedonia for a lot of my adult life) I suffered alone for about 7–8 months, easily the worst I have never felt in my life: hopeless, worthless and angry in a way that is so extreme as to be difficult to describe After about 8 months it eased up Still with anhedonia I would function okay for a few weeks then my emotions would fall off a cliff and it'd be like being in mini withdrawal for about a week, passive suicidal ideation This went on for 6+ years while I tried to explore alternative methods of recovery (exercise, supplements, etc) As well as this cycle I get constant nose bleeds in my right nostril, I get hand tremors (never had them before Sertraline) if I am stressed and sometimes my memory and thinking goes haywire (not blackouts but difficulty forming and retaining memories even though my recall and clarity of thinking was good before, e.g. once when stressed, I forgot which side of the road cars travelled on and found myself unable to remember quite recent conversations) Exercise and eating well (esp. cutting out sugar) helped but life was still a slog Kind of got sick of fighting this thing about a year ago and had a bit of a breakdown and realised I was on a continuum of passive to active suicidal ideation Hit rock bottom and swore to myself I would never act on intrusive thoughts and started fighting back with renewed vigor Slowly improved through supplements, light therapy, cold shower, lots of exercise and a particularly the Human Givens approach — basically it shows that your thinking affects your sleep and your sleep quality determines your mental state A couple of months later I started taking Moringa powder and within a week the “blackness” had gone (not sure how/why but it is rich in tryptophan) After about a month of taking Moringa I actually started to feel happy; after an 8 year battle, I'd finally beaten this thing However… All was good for a few months until some things in life went badly all in a row and my stress levels ramped up and I've had a few bad months. I am being asked to look at medication by my family but this time a different SSRI. It seems crazy to me given what I've been through but I have promised to at least look at other SSRIs, hence this post. Here are my questions: How different are SSRIs? Can any of the more well-informed members here take a look at my history and let me know what taking a different SSRI might look like? Fluoxetine (Prozac) looks like it is less likely to cause withdrawal symptoms but I've also read if you have had suicidal ideation before it can make that worse. Am I likely to have the same experience coming off any SSRI? I can't imagine being on them life as a) it doesn't address anything and b) I have heard they stop working eventually. I am also very concerned about the data surrounding them, particularly the lack of evidence for the chemical imbalance theory and their ineffectiveness in mild to moderate depression. I know SSRIs work as a placebo for some. I found it suspicious that I started feeling the benefits on the exact day my brother said they'd start working. Almost like my brain expected it. And if I ever got serious side effects like I had before…I honestly don't know what I'd do. And finally, the irony of having had to deal with all this depression simply because I took an antidepressant is not lost of me.

Hi, Nice to meet you all. I’ve been lurking on this site since earlier this year and am finally posting because I am in some serious need for advice. I started sertraline (zoloft) in March 2015 for panic and anxiety disorder. It worked wonders and basically cured my anxiety. I was initially on 50mg and had missed doses/failed attempts to quit but never had trouble going back on it (the longest I was off the meds was 2 weeks). From May 2021 to November 2022 I took 50mg every other day and was able to stabilize. In November 2022 I decided to taper off Zoloft since I thought my anxiety was gone and my life had become pretty stable. I weaned off in three weeks, which was ridiculously fast in hindsight (I did 12.5mg for two weeks and 6.25mg for a week). I had all the classical withdrawal symptoms (flu like symptoms, insomnia, etc). However, some of them symptoms never went away to this day, such as fatigue and insomnia, although they did start getting better over time. From January 2023 to August I also tried a lot of supplements to help my sleep. I took ashwaghanda for two months, which helped slightly. I also tried 5-htp for a week. I thought it gave me more energy until it gave me a panic attack one day so I stopped. Magnesium glycinate and fish oil didn’t do anything to me, although I only took them on and off and max for a week. The most bothersome symptom I’ve had is hard to describe. I can only describe it as sensory disturbances (sudden dropping sensation, random waves of pulling sensation in the body, especially in neck, almost dizzy feeling when I turn my eyes that last less than a second throughout the day). This symptom used to happen maybe once a day, but since July it became more and more frequent, and sometimes I feel like I’m almost floating/not grounded. I decided to reinstate on August 14 because my doctor thought it was my anxiety relapsing, which was partially true since I did feel my anxiety creeping back. However, I had never had such sensory disturbances/fatigue/insomnia before I got on Zoloft, even on my worst days. After I reinstated 12.5mg Zoloft, I thought it helped with the dizziness/sensory disturbances in the first 2-3 weeks, but they slowly came back. It also started giving me bad insomnia after week 3 (worse than before reinstatement) and burning sensation in my back at random times of the day. Although my mood has been better and I feel like I have more energy, I also feel more anxious with a lot of mood swings. I apologize for the long post. I have a few questions that I was hoping you’d be able to answer: 1. Should I hold my current dose (12.5mg) given that it didn’t help with my withdrawal symptoms and caused side effects that aren’t going away? If it’s safe to taper off, how fast can I get off? 2. Are the sensory disturbances withdrawal symptoms? Why do I feel like they only got worse as time went by? I also have a brain MRI scan scheduled soon just to rule things out. Thanks in advance!

#1 Help. I was on lexapro 8 years. Tapered off lexapro onto Effexor in sept 2021. Couldn’t handle it. Stopped taking after 5 days. Started Zoloft. Lasted 30 days. Side effects were bad. Tapered off to pristiq. Lasted 10 days and my psychiatrist said to just stop. I was trying to give my body a break so I could start a new med. 8 days later I went back to lexapro. Took it tonight. I’ve been having slight confusion lately, mental fog, poor concentration and not in touch with reality. I’ve always had panic attacks but what I experienced was not. My brain started to get warm and I almost wanted to pass out following extreme confusion with my heart/pulse racing incredibly fast. It’s like my brain was shutting down. I was so scared thinking i was having a brain aneurysm, stroke or seizure. I called 911. Went to hospital where I got a ct scan of my head. They ruled out a tumor, stroke or seizure: they didn’t check my blood sugar or run blood work. This happened at 10pm tonight. Got back home almost 2AM and went to bed extremely scared. I woke up an hour later in state of confusion to this happening again. The docs say it’s from the meds. I’m so scared I can’t sleep bc I don’t want it to happen again. I feel like it’s more than this and I’m actually going to die from whatever this is. It’s like my brain is broke. I was perfectly fine a few months ago. Idk why the docs couldn’t find an answer to what I was experiencing. I’m so scared this is something else. I’m 34, male, good health.. active

Hello I recently withdrew from two psychiatric medications, Zoloft (Sertraline)and Zyprexa (Olanzapine) after a 15 year forced dependency which started when I was court-ordered to take them in 1998 for depression. In Feb. 2014, I finally quit the pills for the 4th and final time. The withdrawal symptoms were quite severe, probably similar to those of heroin, only instead of the people who care for you trying to help you get off the drugs, in the case of psych meds., everyone is dead set on you continuing to stay on them. I went about 6 straight days without sleep while trying to get off the pills, constantly throwing up all over my apartment (my parents had to bring over a steam cleaner to clean up all the huge piles of vomit, while at the same time admonishing me to go back on the meds.) I developed extreme lightheadedness. When I would turn my head to look at something it would take a moment or two for my field of vision to catch up. I suffered from those brain shocks which I thought might be some suppressed memories of the many rounds of ECT that were administered to me, against my will, back in the mid 1990's. I nearly died on a couple of occasions during the withdrawal as my blood sugar levels plunged so low that I was forced to crawl to my kitchen and shove wadded-up pieces of white bread soaked in either oyster sauce, fish sauce or salad dressing (for proteins and sugars) into my mouth to avoid collapsing on the floor, but somehow I did it, I got clean. I had kicked the pills cold turkey three times previously (twice in 2004 and again for 10 months in 2005-6) only to be put back on them. The last time in 2005-6, I had been given the choice of either taking the pills and being given a bed in a local group home on a 0° F January evening or else to go rough it in a snowbank (I had been evicted from my apt. after falling a month behind in rent). The pills (Zoloft originally at 200mg that on my own advice I scaled back to 100mg at the time of my withdrawal. Zyprexa originally at 17.5mg that I had reduced to 10mg) basically ruined my health. Within a couple of years of starting on the meds in 1998, I had gone from a lithe and slender 6' tall 160 lbs man to a portly 230 pounder,, with all the weight gain going into my belly and thighs (Blech!). My cholesterol and triglyceride levels tripled. I had copious amounts of diarrhea daily. My blood pressure was absolutely wrecked. When kneeling down or squatting on my haunches, at say a grocery store or maybe a bookstore, to look at something on a low shelf, upon rising I would start to nearly black-out or swoon due to massive head rushes and would have to hold on to shelving for about a minute or so until I regained my vision and sense of balance. And from about 2006 on, I became no more than some sluggish, gorging hibernating animal that slept between 12 and 16 hours a day, sometimes as much as 20 hrs a day (watching T.V. was my only other occupation) where I would hardly more than move from my bed to the couch only to fall asleep 3 hours later for upwards of 4-6 hours, sometimes for as much as 10 hours. I was sleeping so much that when I woke, I often had no idea if it was early morning or late evening. I would have the most awful and depressing nightmares of being strapped into a dentist's chair while doctors would be cramming every conceivable pill down my throat in an attempt to kill me. The sedative-like effects of the drugs, combined with a horrible and untreated case of sleep apnea due to smoking and a severely broken nose as a teenager, left me completely fatigued all the time. I usually only left my apartment once a week to stock up on groceries. Since the harrowing experience of withdrawal, my health and spiritual well-being have greatly improved. I began a 4-6 mile a night brisk walking regiment and starting biking between 10-20 miles a day which resulted in me losing 45 lbs in 3 months. While before on the pills, I could hardly stay awake, now I can barely get to sleep. My insomnia is sometimes so bad (3-4 hrs of sleep a day, often none) that I resemble a real live? zombie (I call my condition, Inzombia) but considering how low my spirits had been on the pills, I'm just happy to live an active life again, even if I do suffer bouts of sleeplessness. I've spent several hundred hours since early last year either volunteering picking up trash from local parks and lakes or else helping out at a local thrift store and my creative spirit has flourished. I have filled something like 15 fifty page notebooks full of my poetry (both of a serious and humorous nature) and have written many short pieces of memoir, one of which is entitled In Servitude to the Devil, and is about my nearly indescribable and entirely hellish experience in 1995-1996, when for six months, I suffered from brain damage and akathisia brought on by the forced administration of Resperdine, Prozac and Paxcil. I thought I might end this piece with two short poems of mine The Psychiatrist His pills amount to fool's gold; his lab-coat: starched and anti-sceptically white He professes to be a doctor, but he's a neuro-nazi in my sight. A Reflection On Our Times So much lust and vanity under the sun Surely God is our pariah as we have our fun.

I have been taking Zoloft for 20 years for panic disorder. I started taking it when I was 18, and tried other medications as well. Nothing worked accept Zoloft. I still have breakthrough panic attacks and anxiety sometimes, but it’s manageable. I want to get off of Zoloft, but I’m terrified of the panic coming back. I’ve tried getting off of it 4 other times, and suffered greatly for years, becoming agoraphobic for months, and not driving by myself for 6 years the first time I tried to stop, and then severe depression, with suicidal ideation, extreme panic attacks I couldn’t calm down from, and constant debilitating anxiety the other times I tried to stop. One time I was off for a year, and they came back 1,000 times worse! I’m thinking of tapering slowly this time, but terrified that the panic attacks will come back full force again, and I will have to suffer going back on the meds until they kick in again. I have two young children, and I don’t want to suffer with withdrawal symptoms. I want to be able to get off of the meds easily, and with little side effects. I’m just so scared that the panic attacks and depression will come back if I stop the meds, and I won’t know if it’s withdrawal, if it’s legitimate panic attacks. They are so severe and terrifying that I almost want to stay on the meds forever and deal with the side effects than go through life the way I’ve always felt off of them. Any tips, advice, or thoughts?

Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - Ryder: Clonazepam Hi guys, This question has to do with SSRI's and supplements. I was diagnosed with Chronic OCD in January 2015. I have been on and off medication between 2009-2015. Since 2015 I was prescribed 200mg (Sertraline/Zoloft) Daytime and 2mg Clonazepam for night time sleep. At the back-end-of 2016 I felt that I was well enough to come of all medications as I just felt able enough to cope on 100mg after a while. I did Cold Turkey for most of it before admittingly and slowly going on the lower dose of 100mg Sertraline. I was afterward sent to a Dr who specialised in withdrawing people from medications. She prescribed: - L-Carneitine (300 mg) - CoQ10 (200 mg) - N-Acetylcysteine - Vitamin C - Selenium - Magnesium. - A Gluten Free Diet. With Gluten diet, I did not stick to this religiously as some of the books advocated here on this forum. Mainly Elaine Gotschall's Breaking the Viscious Cycle. (Specific Carbohydrate Diet) and the GAPS Diet advocated by Dr Natasha Campbell-Mcbride. I am very skeptical when i read over these diets but since my Dad was on the diet, whatever was in the Pantry, I ate. I wasn't religious about it though if I ordered takeout. Back on topic, I reduced the supplements to L-Carneteine and CoQ10 in combination with SSRI Zoloft/Sertraline (100mg). I found that during the time taken them, I had trouble with Cognition and motor skills, driving, runnng and excercise. I also noticed that I couldn't stop feeling dizzy although they are supposed to aide mitochondria in the brain which the Zoloft dulls down. I also noticed real bad insomnia during the time taken these aided supplements. Has anyone else had success with L-Carneteine and CoQ10 prescribed with Zoloft? It seems that people are having great success with these two supplements to rave review, I am just wondering if Carneteine or CoQ10 has worked for anyone to either reduce withdrawal symptoms off SSRIs & Zoloft or taper off completely. **Note. I have looked through the other posts here, but most vary in opinion, so I just want this question answered. Many thanks. Ryder.

HarperValley •Celexa 40mg 1999-2021 •COVID August 2021 •Celexa stopped working •Zoloft 100mg Sept.-Oct. •Zoloft did not work •Lexapro 10mg Oct.-Nov. •Lexapro did not work •Lexapro 5mg Nov- current •Mirtazapine 15mg at night Oct-current •Current supplements: B12, Magnesium Glycinate, Ashwagandha, Multivitamin, C, D3, Nac, CoQ10, CBD. No longer seeing a Psychiatrist, I am seeing a Holistic doctor now.. She will start my taper of Lexapro 5mg. mid January. I have severe anxiety and depression with panic attacks. Being that I'm treatment resistant will i continue to have withdrawals throughout my taper? Also..will my withdrawals ease up with lesser & lesser tapers? Or will withdrawals be my new norm? I have been having withdrawals since Covid in August 2021 because of my resistance to antidepressant. Also having phantom smell of burning ash tray.

I hope this post is not too long, but I have been through the pharmaceutical wringer and I'm not being heard, believed or helped by my doctors: 2 years ago around May 2016, I had my first panic attack. ER doc rx'd Ativan .5mg 3x a day. Never said a word about dependence. After 3 weeks the script ran out and so I just stopped, and of course, all hell broke loose. Went to my PCP who dx'd me with anxiety and rx'd xanax and Effexor. After 1 night of throwing up, I stopped the Effexor. What I didn't know at the time was that the dose of xanax he prescribed was HALF the equivalent of the ativan I had been taking. He obviously knew nothing about dosage equivalencies. I could not understand why I was so very sick. I found a Pdoc who I thought was very understanding and said she could help me. She switched me to Klonopin and rx'd 25mg Zoloft, and upped the dosage to 50 mg after two weeks. After stabilizing on a whopping 3mg Klonopin, I started to cut, taking 50 mg Zoloft all the while. All during this time I was very weak and shaky, which I attributed to the benzo, but now I'm not so sure. I finished my benzo taper in Nov of last year, and really suffered very little, if any, acute, but still felt a little shaky. I then decided to come off the zoloft, as the Pdoc stated it was "very gentle" and I could just quit. Being gun shy after the benzo fiasco, I did do a short taper and came off with no issues in January of this year. Shortly after that, my leg shakiness and hand tremor went away, but I still did not connect them to Zoloft, because all the emphasis was on benzo withdrawal and how "gentle" zoloft was. In May of this year, it was clear that my mother, who had been very, very sick for very, very long, was dying. By this time, I had a new PCP and no Pdoc. Since I was extremely stressed and grieving, my PCP suggested I go back on zoloft, and I didn't see why not, so I restarted 50 mg. Immediately, I had weakness and tremor again. In August 2018, two months after my Mom died, I decided to come off the Zoloft. Still believing it was a benign drug, I once again did a fast taper of about 3 weeks. I felt fantastic off of it - no more weakness or tremor, TONS more energy - until 31 days later when it all came back full force. The trembling, weakness, and anxiety just all of a sudden came back. Finally, the penny dropped for me, and I found this site and realized it was withdrawal. I went back to my old Pdoc who laughed in my face and said withdrawal is impossible after 1 month. She told me to face the fact that I needed to be medicated and gave me the smallest dose of Lexapro. I took it for a week, but was feeling progressively worse, and I knew I didn't want her to treat me anymore. I went to my PCP and told her the whole story. She does believe me and is trying to help, but I think she's out of ideas. She did give me a DNA test for drug sensitivities, which shows me to be a slow metabolizer of most SSRIs and SNRIs, and an "intermediate" metabolizer of one SSRI, Prozac. For lack of a better answer, she put me back on 25 mg of Zoloft to attempt stabilization, but its been 3 weeks and I just keep getting worse. I now have insomnia, very high chemical anxiety, muscle twitches, no appetite, cold feet, temp changes, diarrhea and morning cortisol spikes along with the weakness and tremor. I am effectively bedridden. As of today, I have upped my dose to 37.5, but knowing that I retain high concentrations of zoloft for longer than normal, I worry about serotonin syndrome. My PCP wants to switch me to Buspirone, since my DNA test indicates I would tolerate that well, but she wants me to find a Pdoc to help with the switch, so here we go again!! I just want to stablize on something so that I can function, and then down the road a couple or few months, start the long taper that should be done. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I'm really struggling. Thanks for reading this long post.