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Hello, I have been trying to stop taking Cipralex three times since 2017. My medications were two - 10mg Cipralex a day and 2x0.5mg Fluanxol. I started taking it slowly as my psychiatrist suggested - 2/3 days 2.5mg, then 2/3 days 5mg, then 10mg. At 10mg it was the first time I felt heart palpitations - I am an active athlete and never had heart issues. The first time it was not actually Cipralex by Lundbeck, but Lenuxin (which contains again escitalopram). I remember that I did not know, and my psychiatrist did not tell me there were going to be withdrawal symptoms. I started forgetting to take the 10mg tablet and started skipping days. I was feeling some mild withdrawal symptoms like headache or fatigue, but overall, not anything too debilitating. I stopped the medicaments successfully back then (summer 2018) I was one year of any medicaments until the summer of 2019, when I experienced some stressful situations. I had anxiety with panic attacks mostly and some stomach problems. Back then my mother forced me to start taking the pills again, although I was strongly against it, but at that time I was trusting my mother, because she had experienced severe depression in her twenties as well. Summer of 2020, I started a relationship with a girl. It was again a year since I have been taking Cipralex 10mg and Fluanxol 2x0.5mg. I started what I considered slow tapering - I started taking half the dose of both pills (5mg Cipralex and 1x0.5mg Fluanxol). After a month or two things were overall fine. Then I stopped the fluanxol and was left with 5mg Cipralex. I tapered again half (from 5mg to 2.5mg) and was feeling good, so I started skipping days. It was year 2020 (winter) and I started feeling anxious, I started sweating at night, had tremors, nausea, developed agoraphobia. Then I also started experiencing sleep issues and decided to go back to 5mg and when I got back to 10mg I had restored my sleep. Continued taking Cipralex and Fluanxol until 2021 (winter) - 1 year again on medication. I went to my psychiatrist and said that I want her to make a tapering plan for me. She said 4 months on half dose (5mg Cipralex) and 3 months afterwards on 1/4 dose (2.5mg Cipralex). After that to go to consultation again. I did as she said, and everything was good. Then (April 2022) I went on consultation and asked how I can stop taking them completely, so she said: 1 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 1 day skip; 2 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 2 days skip; 3 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 3 days skip; 4 week - 1 day take 2.5mg, 4 days skip; 5 week - completely stop. I did as she said and started experiencing withdrawal but continued with the taper. Stopped Cipralex completely at the beginning of May 2022. Then three months of hell started. I experienced severe withdrawal effects such as daily headaches, fatigue, nausea, stomach problems, electric shocks (in the head), anxiety, depression (I never had until this moment). But the withdrawals that were unbearable were two - insomnia (could not sleep for days or have had 1-2 hours broken sleep) and vomiting (everything I ate, even though I tried anti-vomiting oral solution - I vomited that too). When I contacted my psychiatrist after the first 2 weeks, she said that it is not withdrawal anymore, rather than that the previous anxiety/depression I had has returned so I need to again go on medication - I refused and wanted to try everything. I was so fatigued due to lack of sleep and stomach/vomiting issues that I could not do sports (which I know helps a lot). But although was tired, my body refused to rest (could not sleep). I tried everything to improve my sleep, because I thought otherwise, I can die without sleep + it worsened the anxiety, fatigue, concentration - mint + valerian (drops), lavender scents, relaxation music, passiflora, 4-7-8 breathing, nothing helped. At one point it was so bad I was considering smoking weed and drinking alcohol (which is totally not me!). I went to another psychiatrist, and he prescribed me Tritico (trazodone) - 25mg for sleep. I slept 7-8 hours every day for a week! But then after that it just stopped working for me. I tried increasing to 50mg, then 75mg, then 100mg, but again could not sleep. Afterwards tried Tritico XR + Xanax 0.25mg, but that did not go well for me. Although there were some hours I slept fine, I felt with 0 power and was lying in bed for days, so I stopped taking it. My psychiatrist was going to prescribe me a sleeping pill (Essognu), which I know that can cause very easy dependence, so I refused that option. My girlfriend left me, because she could not handle it. I could not work, because of the sleep and vomiting issues. I was almost going to be hospitalized. So, for the 3rd time I was forced to go back to Cipralex, Fluanxol + Agomelatine (Valdoxan) for sleep. I decided to stop these things that are killing every emotion in me, I cannot feel happiness nor sadness and I want to try everything (even if I manage to lower the dose of the Cipralex and continue to take it forever - even that will be great!). And here I am after 3months (from September 2022, now December 2022) - my sleep returned and my stomach issues + vomiting are nowhere to be found, but I have heart palpitations and daily headache again. I stopped Fluanxol and Valdoxan and am only on Cipralex 10mg, but I need your advice: 1. How to taper it correctly - in Bulgaria there is no liquid version of Cipralex, I can order from a friend in Germany. Have tried to dissolve the pill with water and to take it via 10ml syringe, but it seems it is faster distributed in my body, and I feel strange. 2. How to cope with the two things that forced me to get back on antidepressants - insomnia + vomiting. Please give me your advice. Thank you sincerely!

Hi all! So happy to have found this place! I’ve browsed a few posts, and I think I’ve found my people lol! About me- I’m 51 years old, and have been on and off a bunch of psychiatric meds since the 90s. My memory is poor (more on that later), so I can’t remember exact dates, but I have been on Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin and Escitalopram, along with occasional benzos and zopiclone for short periods. Honestly- i wish I had never started taking any of them. Hindsight and a really good therapist has made me realize that many of my choices in life have just not been very congruent with my wants/needs/values etc, leading to some serious cognitive dissonance. I have also experienced severe professional burnout many times, and have some childhood trauma that I had never dealt with. Had I found a good therapist in my 20s, I may have never started taking these drugs. BUT- I am generally a pretty optimistic person, so I am looking forward, and feeling so grateful to have been able to improve my knowledge on withdrawal, so I can do it right this time. I have never tapered slowly. I have always followed my doctors’ advice, and my slowest taper was off of Effexor, and that only took two months. I had little difficulty coming off Wellbutrin, but all the others were awful- restlessness, irritability, brain zaps, bouts of severe depression, tremors, insomnia, extreme sensitivity to light and noise. I most recently started taking 10mg of escitalopram in 2016. I had changed jobs, and was having crippling anxiety about my new role. I didn’t want to start taking it- i had been off of it since before my daughter was born in 2009. But being in a new job, I felt I had to show my employer that I was willing to do anything to get back to work asap. So I started taking it, and took four months off to pull myself together, so to speak. Fast forward to 2020- still on my 10mg of escitalopram. Didn’t want to be, but couldn’t face weaning, and all the withdrawal symptoms. Then the pandemic hit. I work in healthcare, so needless to say, this was a scary time for me. Anxiety peaked, and my doctor increased my dose to 20mg. It didn’t help at all. My anxiety remained high for the next two years… I was just surviving. I was so anxious and burned out, I barely remember anything from that time period. It’s like a bad dream. i finally contracted COVID in June 2022. I was not hospitalized, but was very ill for four weeks. When I finally managed to go back to work, I couldn’t function. Went off on sick leave, and was eventually diagnosed with long COVID. My symptoms have included crippling fatigue, severe right sided headaches, chest pain/pressure, palpitations, severe brain fog, memory issues, internal ‘vibrations’ (for lack of a better term), cyanosis when my heart rate goes over 125 and presyncope. I haven’t worked since August 2022. Over the last two years, I have learned to manage my symptoms fairly well with diet, hydration, additional salt, compression stockings, meditation and my awesome therapist. I started to taper my escitalopram last November, with fairly large dosage cuts… it occurred to me that I’ve done this before, and always ended up right back on the meds. So I started researching how to properly taper, and realized that everything I had done in the past was misguided, and likely caused some long term health issues. So I’ve decided to slow my taper waaaay down, hoping to get off of these drugs for good! Feeling very optimistic! 😁 I am also taking low dose naltrexone 2.5mg for long COVID, estrogel for hot flashes, vitamin D 2000iu/day, B12 1000mcg per day (I’m vegan- no choice on this one!). i think that’s it- in a nutshell… I’ve had more than my share of legit emotional turmoil too, but it’s all just too much to share here. I will say that I’m in a really great emotional place right now, so I feel the time is right to do a proper taper. I look forward to sharing my journey here! 😊

Hi everyone. I created an account specifically to say what has helped me throughout this journey of recovery. I have no idea if I’m currently in a window (likely) or actually healed. I’ve had a terrible, hellish withdrawal of Trintellix, since December 20th I’ve had extreme panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, extreme agitation etc. And then, I’ve found a few things that helped me. What was really the most helpful thing was hypnotherapy. The first session didn’t help much as it was just an introduction to it, but the second session transformed me. It put me in a state of deep relaxation, and helped me sleep again. I would advice everyone to try it, despite the cost. The other thing that helped me tremendously was this medicine called Euphytose in France, it’s a mix of Passiflora, Valerian root, hawthorn, and ballotte (translation?). It had the same effects than benzos without the obvious terrifying risks of these. Again I’m not sure I’m completely healed or in a long window, but I these things truly helped, I believe. I’ve read this forum a lot and wanted to help the folks on here, in any way that I could, even if what I’m saying is maybe nothing new for some people. Bless you all, and hang in there, healing is coming.

Escitalopram tapering, i think i am dealing with withdrawal? I could use some help/ advice Hi ! i'm new here. I'm in the process of tapering. Until now I tapered down based on instructions of my doc. I really have the feeling they underestimate impact it has on people. It has been more than 3 weeks since the last drop to 5mg. I'm still dealing with: Physical: * problems with my stomach and intestines. I had diarrhea and then constipation for several days and now diarrhea again. Nausea is significantly reduced but still have bouts of nausea * Tinnitus much worse than usual * Headaches from time to time but seems to get less * a feeling in my head like my brain is too small for my head. * a very weird dizzy feeling in my head like you're on a boat. Sometimes I'm literally going back and forth a bit. This seems to be getting less * sometimes very dizzy standing up after picking something of the floor * night sweating, this seems to get better Mental: * I have a kind of constant feeling of dread / doom. I really feel it in my head and not my body and it is without any reason (hard to explain). * Overall feeling of bleeehhh. * more anxiety * I feel somewhat more depressed. * Can't concentrate * it's harder to deal with stressful situations * my memory seems to be worse. The weird thing also is 2 weeks after the drop I had some good days (3 or 4) and both mental and physical symptoms where better but then the symptoms came back with vengeance and i am in a bad way since. Are these from withdrawal .....since the last drop is already more than 3 weeks ago?? My plan is to see how i feel on 5mg for a good while and than taper down to 0. I would really appreciate some feedback if the symptoms i feel could be withdrawal and some advice on how long to stay on 5mg and the future taper to 0. Thanks !!

Hello I'm attempting to get off psychiatric drugs. I do not believe that I was mentally ill, but that I was deeply affected emotionally by trauma. I first got put on psych drugs after the birth of my first son, who was born with health issues. The psychiatrist put me on Paxil, and then Trazodone because I couldn't sleep. Fortunately that doctor took me off the drugs less than a year later. I didn't have any major issues coming off these drugs. Due to lots of stress factors in my life, I had anxiety. I was put on Serzone for a few years, then got off this without major problems. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, my husband freaked out, because he was afraid this baby would also have health problems. I saw a psychiatrist, and he, with my OB/GYN's permission, put me on Paxil when I was 5.5 months pregnant with my 2nd child. He was born perfectly healthy. The Paxil caused me to gain lots of weight. I was up to 215 pounds. So my primary care doc switched me to Lexapro, thinking it would be more weight neutral. I was also put on Trazodone because of Insomnia. I tried several times in the past to get off these drugs, but each time, I had trouble with severe insomnia. I would call the doctor, and he would say I needed to go back on the drugs, so I did. Finally, I decided that I was definitely going to get off the drugs. I came to realize that these doctors don't know what they are doing. When I asked my psychiatrist why I was having such severe insomnia when trying to get off, he said to me "I don't know. Go back on it". (shaking my head). I started to wean off Lexapro 16 months ago, but 4 months into that my mother became severely ill, and so I went back to 1/2 of my original dose, which was 5 mg. I stayed on the 5 mg for about 9 months. Then, I started to wean off of it again. This was back in August of 2018. I've been very gradually coming off it. I'm on the liquid now, and have been dropping the dose by 0.5 milligrams each month. I did manage to wean off the Trazodone a year ago, while I was still on the 5 mg of Lexapro. The other thing that is complicating this withdrawal is that I'm menopausal and in my upper 50's. When I haven't changed the dose of Lexapro I don't have the hot flashes, but every time I reduce the lexapro the hot flashes return. I don't want to put off getting off of this toxic chemical. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to get off these drugs. I'm so so close to being off of it. In the past 3 days, the hot flashes have been especially bad, and I've had little sleep because of that, and probably also because of being agitated by my drug withdrawal. The issues I'm having recently are: insomnia, agitation, anxiety off and on, tiredness and fatigue. The insomnia is the worst, but the hot flashes are contributing significantly to the insomnia. Any help or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm doing many things to learn to cope. I'm reading books on how to cope with stress and anxiety and depression. I'm walking daily, eating healthy, cultivating healthy friendships, and best of all, cultivating a strong and deep spiritual life with prayer and bible reading.

First, I had bad anxiety in my early twenties. Started Effexor, took it for about a year then tried stopping with a fast taper. I got fired from work 4 ou 5 months later and my anxiety went up big time. Started Effexor again. Went up to 110mg, but I was having many side effects so after talking to my doctor, I decided to stop. I reduced the dosage over 2 months then stop. Went throught withdrawal for a few weeks and then things got quiet for a few months. I started getting hit by some fairly heavy anxiety and panic attacks without stress to trigger it. I went back to effexor for a few months and then I switched to escitalopram 10mg to try and see if I would have less side effects. I stayed on escitalopram 10mg for at least 6 years. Now, at the start of January 2024, I run out of escitalopram for a few days. That's when I decided to try and quit. Just like that. The withdrawal was hell. A lot of brain zap, anger that I could not contain at all, brain fog, insomnia, etc. After 6 weeks, most of the symptoms were gone or wayyyy more manageable. 1 week before the 4 months mark, I started getting vertigo and feeling dizzy. I had no idea what was going on. My anxiety started acting up again and I took an appointment with my doctor. He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking. And now i'm scared to death, does it mean that I have kindled? Should I keep taking 5mg and see if it stabilize? Should I lower to 2.5? Should I stop?!

Hello! I was put on medications during a weeklong hospital stay for major depressive disorder with psychotic features. I've experienced severe withdrawal symptoms, akathisia, insomnia, loss of appetite, body aches, depression 2 different times since the hospitalization. Once because I tried to come off the drugs on my own and the other because I was weaned off of Zyprexa too quickly. Now I'm on escitalopram and aripiprazol. I'm tapering the aripiprazol first and am doing well with that so far. I found out I was pregnant again and am 8 weeks along now. I have some anxiety about being on these medications while pregnant, but I should at least be off the aripiprazol soon if everything goes well. I plan on waiting 2-3 months after my last dose of aripiprazol before tapering the Lexapro. I'm hoping everything will go okay. It's difficult to know what symptoms are withdrawal related and which are pregnancy related. Right now I've got stomach cramps with loose stools every day for the past 2 weeks. Sleep is okay, but I feel so tired. Emotions are a little difficult to handle when they come. Trying to stay calm and positive about all these changes. Thanks!

Diagnosed with panic and adjustment disorder 1987. Experienced 3 situational depressions (1 was postpartum). SSRI for 30 yrs. Just RI Lexapro to 5 mg after a failed 4 day discontinuation from 2.5 mg. Seems to be helping in waves and windows. Dr appointment next month but he has told me that if I stop Lexapro, protracted w/d possible with treatment resistant depression surfacing. Advises that I should consider staying on for life. I am afraid of both staying on and discontinuing. I've read about severe, untreatable akathisia, protracted w/d and all other horror stories. I am worried that one or two months out from discontinuing, symptoms will return that can't be treated. 1. Will a gradual slow microtaper from 5 mg. (after stabilization) prevent a protracted w/d? 2. What if I experience another situational depression, how to treat it then? 3. What are risks of staying on a low dose SSRI 2.5 or under? 4. Is that better than risking protracted and untreatable w/d? Last situational depression 8 yrs ago, Dr switched SSRIs and now I realize what I went through was was w/d on top of the depression. Had to rely on Lorazepam for 3 months and did a gradual successful taper off. I believe I was very fortunate given the horrific Benzo stories.I cannot fathom relying on Benzos again and would rather stay on Lexapro low dose than risk benzo dependence. I would appreciate thoughts on the above. Thank you!

Hi friends... When SSRI's came into my life, they saved me. Through most of my life (teens and twenties) I had successfully lived with my mental health struggles using tools such as exercise, time outdoors, and an ever changing and stimulating lifestyle as one has during this time of their life. When I moved in my early 30s, completely upending my life as I had never lived anywhere else, I was no longer able to deal with the depths my depression took me to. After failing to find relief from Wellbutrin, I reluctantly decided to try Lexapro. It truly saved me when I was at my lowest point until then. I knew about some of the side effects, weight gain, lower libido, which is why I hesitated. But, as I was no longer functioning, something needed to change. And, it did. What I did not know, was how horrific it was going to be to try to get back off of this drug. I understand myself better now, and I've created an environment in my life that should help me to thrive. But then there is this drug. It is like a veil. More subtle than the depression was, but still something that keeps me from living fully. It keeps me from feeling fully. In 2019, I was ready to come off of the drug. With a new psychiatrist (not the one who initially prescribed SSRI to me), I expressed that I was ready to come off of Lexapro. She told me to cut the dose in half for a few weeks, then in half again, then for a few more weeks, then I would be off the medication. After 5 days at half dose, I was having flu-like symptoms, crying whenever I moved more intensely than a walk, not sleeping....it was too much. I told my doctor and she said to go back to the full dose and we could try again slower at a later time. Then, she retired, and I moved to help my Mom go through cancer treatment. Not a good time to remove your antidepressant. In April 2023, my Mom went into remission, I had the best job, I lived in a place that was good for my soul, and I had so much support around me that I was ready to try again. I did not have a new doctor by now to support me, but I had learned the first time that I needed to slow the tapering process down. I thought I could do it. I reduced my dose by only 25% for 2 weeks, then again to half dose for 1 day. After not sleeping for 4 consecutive nights in a row in addition to the previous WD symptoms I had the first time, I went back to full dose. I was angry and sad. I felt like I had no control and my inability to come off the drug made me want to come off it even more. Why don't doctors tell you about this before they put you on it???? Yes, I've gained weight, my sex life has suffered, but not being able to stop taking this little pill is appalling. I didn't sign up to be dependent on a life-numbing drug for my entire lifetime!@@ My Mom did pass away this last year. The last thing I've needed since April is to take away this crutch when my heart has been more broken than it ever has before. But I am healing, and I think part of that healing process is to take back full ownership and control over my mind and body by getting off Lexapro. I have a two new doctors who are going to support me through this, and I have this site!!! I am so incredibly thankful for the resources and stories about people's journeys going through the same process I will. Thank you all SO MUCH for this site. My new doctors have prescribed me some additional psychoactive drugs to support this process: Lamotrigine and Bupropion. I am taking these to help alleviate WD symptoms from tapering off Lexapro, but I am very anxious about becoming dependent on these as well. My goal is to come off all psychoactive drugs to see where I am in navigating my mental health without chemical support. We will see...

Hello All, it's been a long time since I have logged in here and posted. My story is located here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7761-%E2%98%BC-aeroman-hello-from-aeroman/?st=0 I have been good, fully recovered from Lexapro and Cipro use. I don't think about withdrawal anymore. The answer was TIME and GOD in both cases. For those that are new to withdrawal, don't fret, you will be OK. I know the beginning months are scary but it won't last forever. Feel free to ask me questions as I am sure you will have many..especially doubts within yourself. Aeroman

In 1986 I was prescribed a tricyclic antidepressant, 75 mg Imipramine PM, to slow bowel function and to relieve pain resulting from ulcerative colitis. I was also put on 1 mg Lorazepam. In 1991 I went CT off both the Imipramine and the Lorazepam, resulting in a terrible colitis flare-up. After a few months I reinstated with success. However, these medications, and everything else I did for the colitis ceased work about three years ago, and in January, 2015, I underwent surgery to remove my colon and replace with an internal J-pouch, which cured the colitis. But that left me with the 30-year-long Imipramine situation. In January, 2016, I began tapering the Imipramine 10% every three weeks, which went fine until I got down to 19 mg, then 12 mg, at which point I began experiencing severe anxiety as well as dizziness. Realizing I had tapered too quickly, I updosed to 25 mg a month ago but have not as yet stabilised at this dose, as I am still experiencing considerable anxiety as well as insomnia. Until September 23, my tapers were approximate percentages as I hadn't yet bought a scale. I use the supplements Theanine and Nature's Balance Happy Camper to help with the anxiety, along with magnesium glycinate. It's only been a month, but I'm a little worried that I am never going to stabilise at 25 mg. In 2004, due to depression, I was put on a succession of SSRIs, in addition to the Imipramine, including Zoloft, Prozac and Effexor. Lexapro 20 mg seemed to finally work and I remain on it at this time. In 2011 I was prescribed 1 mg Lorazepam for insomnia, now 1.5 mg.

Hello everyone. First of all, I would like to thank you for creating this website. I don’t know where I would be without it. I have learned a lot of information in here about antidepressants and the importance of tapering. I started sertraline in September 2018 due to depression and anxiety. My doctor never told me about any side effects or when I should stop the treatment. It was fine until I started noticing my motivation and my emotions were going away. I had more symptoms, but at the time I didn’t connect the dots. I suspect my IBS and my need to sleep 12 hours a day were part of it. After 4 years my mom suggested me to stop antidepressants since she thought I was doing fine and she read that they probably were not good to take for that long. At the beginning I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed. My doctor gave me instructions on how to stop. She told me to alternate days which now I know is very bad advice. I had no symptoms until I started alternating half a tablet and no tablet. Then I started having horrible symptoms. I thought I was going insane. I started going to a psychologist who told me she couldn’t help me unless I took drugs. It disgusts me now that she said something like that. She recommended a psychiatrist. In the first visit she convinced me to start 10 mg escitalopram. I remember I started having full body pain for the first time in my life. The psychiatrist told me that it was not possible for these drugs to cause that. Now I know she had no idea what she was talking about. The pain went away in a couple of weeks. I was still having no motivation and almost no emotions. The psychiatrist decided I needed 20 mg escitalopram for some reason. That made things worse. She decided I should try bupropion and stop escitalopram in like two weeks which concerned me. I asked her if that wasn’t a bit too fast. She said it was fine (lol). It was horrible. I thought I was going completely insane. I talked to her and I reinstated to 5 mg. But I was still taking bupropion which was making my heart go very fast. My gut told me I would have a problem if I continued taking bupropion when I tried to come off. So I decided to stop bupropion cold turkey after taking it only for 2 weeks. I think that was the best decision of my life because I saved myself from becoming dependant on it. I explained to my psychiatrist I was tired of this and that I wanted to come off escitalopram. She told me to reduce 1 mg every month. When I reached the 2 mg point I discovered this website through reddit. Everything started making sense. I decided to stop seeing my psychiatrist after she made me feel like I was a “bad patient” and that the problems I had were all my fault and not hers. But I still had a problem. I didn’t know how to go from 2 mg to 1.8 mg because my liquid is 20 mg/ml. So I made the mistake of going to 1 mg and that was quite bad. Going from 3 mg to 2 mg was already bad, but this time it was worse. I decided I won’t reinstate ever again unless my situation becomes very bad. So I held there until I got better. Then I learned how to make my liquid less concentrated and use syringes to taper by 10%. I started tapering again, but I went too fast because I am very impatient. I am going slower now. Maybe a bit faster than suggested in this forum, but I’m learning to listen to my body and hold more if necessary. The worst symptoms I get when I go too fast are very bad misophonia, thinking everyone wants to hurt me, wanting to die, irritability, full body pain, unable to sleep at a normal time, headaches and digestion problems. Right now I’m doing fine, but I’ll try to keep you informed. My intention is to keep this as a journal of my progress and help others that have a similar story. Again, thank you for everything!

Hi Everyone, I am just going to jump right into this. I developed anxiety 4 years ago after having several life crisis in a months time. My mom was diagnosed w Dementia. My little sister was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma.A childhood friend died in his sleep from heart failure. I tipped over from the stress. I went to my GP and she started throwing AD's at me to help silence the anxiety. The AD's only made me worse. I went to the ER one night after experiencing my first panic attack The ER Dr gave me a script for Ativan. I took it for four weeks and then stopped because I was feeling much better. A few days later my world turned on it's axis. I didn't know what was happening. My anxiety was worse, I was pacing, heart racing, Panic attacks daily.... I went to my GP and she said I needed to see a Psychiatrist. To get in to see anyone was 3 months. I started to spiral. I had no idea I was in withdrawal! I ended up in the hospital to get help for my anxiety. I was put on Effexor (75mg)and Klonopin (.25mg). I stabilized and was sent home. I did really well on Effexor. After 4 months on Klonopin I started to slowly taper off. I tapered over 3 months. The taper went pretty well. I was cutting and weighing my pills. 8 months after that I felt good and talked to my Psychiatrist about tapering off of the Effexor. She strongly recommended to go slow and we did. I tapered for almost 7 months. To be honest, the Klonopin was easier to come off of than the Effexor. She put me on Prozac before my last cut of Effexor. Tapered off of the Prozac over 3/ months. I still had some anxiety but it was tolerable. It felt AMAZING to be free of AD'S and the Benzo....then COVID hit and my mom passed away. Anxiety came back w a vengeance. I ended up back in the hospital after a very bad reaction to Zoloft. My new psychiatrist kept telling me to "push through," the first 3 months. I was back on Klonopin but now it was.50mg twice a day.The hospital took me cold turkey off of Zoloft and started me on Remeron and Trazadone. The next day they added clonidine. The klonodine didn't agree w my system at all and I was taken off of that in two days. They released me from the hospital 5 days later. I lasted two weeks on Remeron. I was so disoriented, confused, high anxiety and felt like I could become violent on them so they weaned me off of that over 4 days and put me back on Prozac. Prozac didn't help my anxiety, I had constant headaches for months! I did get an MRI and it was normal. I started to feel more and more depressed on it. I was on Prozac for maybe two months when my psychiatrist took me off of that (tapered over 6 weeks) and put me on Lexapro. I had to have back surgery during this. I did NOT take a single pain med out of fear of making my WD worse. At first I thought the Lexapro was helping? I was still having breakthrough anxiety so he bumped it up. My Psychiatrist retired and a new woman came in to take his place until they could find a new one. She bumped my Lexapro up to 25mg when I told her I was having major anxiety rushes, my face would get bright red, I wasn't sleeping very well. That increased dosage was the worst! I was like a zombie but w heightened anxiety. I couldn't work, I would sit at my desk and space off for hours! I felt awful. So, she told me to start tapering off of the Lexapro (4 weeks total! I knew better...) and she wanted to cross taper me onto Effexor. I started that and boy....the depression was BRUTAL! I was not sleeping well, could hardly focus, anxiety was high, my legs felt like jelly, my head would burn, I felt my brain tingle all the time... I was nearing the end of my rope. I was desperate for a Psychiatrist that CARED. The interim Psych left and a new one came in. She wanted me off of the Effexor because she felt it was too hard to come off of and if it didn't work for me, I would be in for hell. I told her I was scared to switch AGAIN and she assured me that switching to Duoloxetine was it's "sister drug," and I shouldn't have an issue. I trusted her. The last 3 months have been.... (How do describe this hell?!) a daily battle to push through hell on earth. I am still working, I can still function, I take care of myself, my home, my dog. I am a divorced woman with a 22 year old son. I live by myself with my Rottweiler. Life is so friggin' hard when you are trying to get thorough this mess. I now have a WONDERFUL and caring Psychiatric nurse practitioner who truly cares. She is holding me on the last 10mg of Lexapro until the Effexor/Lexapro WD calms down...IF it calms down. I should tell you that I can't believe I have pushed through the last year. My symptoms have been Burning in my head, headaches, tingling in my head, mood fluctuations, burning on my skin, bloodshot eyes, pressure on my chest, sensitivity to heat, depression, sweat easily, joint pain, ringing in my ears, no motivation, grinding my teeth, feeling mentally off at times, at the beginning I couldn't sit still, short tempered, at times in the beginning of the Lexapro taper, I didn't want to talk at times...like I almost couldn't, buzzing in my body, feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, anxiety rushes...etc I am interested in this group for support and the combined knowledge from it's members. I know that NO ONE can tell me when this is going to end. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me what I am going through is normal for all of the med changes? I am honestly concerned if I am still having problems because of the Duoloxetine? My anxiety IS better since I have been on it. I get 8 hours of sleep. I don't drink. I don't use illegal drugs, don't smoke. I eat pretty healthy. I don't exercise. It's tough to get out for walks when you feel like hell and I guess I save my mental energy to work. I know I have rambled on. My mind feels like it's in a vice and also these drugs affect how well I put my thoughts into words. For the most part I am a happy and well adjusted person. I feel like the last few years have been stolen from me because I faithfully followed Dr's instructions and thought they knew best...I was so wrong. Thank you for your time. Blessings to all of you.

I have been on Lexapro 5 mg for roughly 2 years now. These last couple of months I made the decision to want to discontinue Lexapro, so I started a taper down to 2.5 mg for one month. Recently I made the switch to 1.5 mg and I missed a couple of dosages. It was then I started to experience, what I think are withdrawal symptoms. Irritability Heart Palpitations Crying Spells Anxiety & Depression Panic Attacks I spoke to my Psychiatrist and she told me that it was not WS, but instead Rebound Systems. She explained that my body needs the medication. She also mentioned that it was unlikely that I would have WS with such a low dosage. Is this true? Has anyone else experienced WS with such a low dosage? I’ve been doings loads of reading on here, so I hope that I can stabilize with 2.5 mg soon! I’m curious to know when ppl have stabilized and how long it took for everyone to reach stability.

Hello everyone! Here is my introduction topic. Today marks one year I stopped antidepressants (Escitalopram). I have been completely symptom-free for 2 months as of March 2022, but the biggest improvement in symptoms came past month 6-7 into withdrawal, I would say last October (2021). I am aware that this is quite fast and that I was lucky, but nonetheless I wish to document my journey to give hope to everyone that's struggling, be it 2 weeks or 2 years in. Because despite my WD being short, I 100% honestly started to believe I would never ever feel "normal", let alone feel like myself again. My history with Escitalopram I wanna preface this by stating that Escitalopram helped me immensely with my initial issues in the first place. I have always been anxious and I will always be anxious. In August of 2017 however, I was put on Escitalopram 10mg when it spiraled out of control (I developed severe OCD and hypochondria (health anxiety)). Within 3 weeks, the medication allowed me to live a normal life again. As it was a success, in 2018 I stopped the medication (10mg to 5mg in june and then stopped completely). I had no withdrawal syndrome at all and spent a wonderful summer. I relapsed in October 2017 (it was OCD and not withdrawal, 100% sure), and was put back on Escitalopram 10mg in November 2018, following therapy along too. I therefore followed therapy and stayed on Escitalopram 10mg for another 2 years and 2 months from Nov 2018, up until January 2021 when my psychiatrist and I both agreed to try and stop antidepressants again as I felt much more stable and able to live without its help. From 10mg, the taper was: 5mg through Jan-Feb 2021, and then 5mg one day out of two through Feb-March, until I stopped mid-March 2021. Through the taper, I did not notice any symptom save from fatigue, but to this day I'm unsure if it was the taper or just the season (I suffer greatly from seasonal lack of sunlight!!). My withdrawal journey and symptoms A few days after my last Escitalopram dose, around March 18th 2021, my anxiety ramped up for no reason. On days 7-10 I got GI symptoms, and thought I had a stomach flu (still unsure if it was the start of WD or stomach flu!). Then a couple days later, I awoke brutally a few hours after falling asleep to full-body tremors that scared me a lot, I never had this before. This moment, for me, marked the start of my WD journey, for when I woke up later again in the morning, I felt a dread I never felt before. March-May of 2021 were atrocious. I believe it was the "acute" part of WD. I was feeling such a wide array of very physical and mental symptoms that I never had to deal with before, not even before medication when my mental issues were debilitating. I woke up every single day drenched in anxiety, filled with INSANE dread the whole day. I had huge crying bouts and intrusive thoughts, feelings of very very intense despair and helplessness. Anxiety would usually alleviate in the evenings but I was exhausted due to how my body was in flight or fight mode the whole day. My "windows" lasted a few hours, or half a day at max. My appetite was gone and I had nausea every single day on and off (else I would just not have any appetite) for a rough 4-6 months, which was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I'm still undoing the damage of this extreme weight loss as I type this. It is in June-July of 2021 that the physical symptoms were the hardest. I had full-body exhaustion, maybe due to the severe weight loss, I remember doing my things on auto-pilot. However, this is what helped me move forwards: even at my lowest, I was able to pull through and my body helped me move forwards despite feeling so crippled. In WD it became SO important to hold on such "reminders" and remember that I could trust myself and my body. I also developed photophobia in June-July, which lasted for 1 month and a half. It was very very weird, I had unilateral sharp eye pain upon looking at anything bright. I cannot stress enough that I never had such symptoms before ever, never had migraines etc, and it remained something isolated as I didn't have photophobia since!! In Sept-December of 2021 , I mentally felt at a much better place and much more confident in my ability to heal despite symptoms still being part of my everyday life: mostly because my appetite slowly, FINALLY came back. On a daily basis, I had to deal with headaches still, pin and needles, derealisation, tough time focusing and dizzy spells that were quite scary. I was feeling off and/or derealisation, or anxious with some intrusive thoughts. Mid-January of 2022, I realised I had no symptoms at all for a week and that my last wave was probably a few weeks ago already. Maybe a couple dizzy spells through the beginning of January, but they wore off. Another week passed. And another... and a month... and here I am now, 2 months after what I consider to be my last symptoms, and one year after my last Escitalopram dose. This forum, along with the resilience I built through the past years, allowed me to brunt the force of what is to this day the hardest thing I've gone through. I kept going on because I said to myself everyday that this will pass, that healing will happen. And it did. It was slow at first. I was counting the good days, and at one point I stopped paying daily attention to how I was feeling, rather noticing the days where I felt off: they were getting rarer. I kept track of all my symptoms in a journal, and looking back I cannot believe I experienced this whole list (I haven't listed everything here else this post would be even longer lol), it sounds absolutely mental, yet here I am, at the top of a mountain I wasn't expecting to have to climb. And what a hike it was. What helped me with some of the symptoms? To deal with nausea, I paid great attention to eat more often but in small amounts and drink a lot. My GP prescribed me proteinated fruit juice as well. I would eat "bland" foods such as unseasoned rice or pasta as it gives you energy and sustenance still. The days (or hours) where the nausea gave me a break, I tried to eat varied foods. I kept a very balanced diet, and didn't cut anything save from caffeine for 2 months (without changing from what I usually ate, as I feared this would destabilise me further). When anhedonia hit me I just let the day pass, because sometimes "existing" is enough of an effort and it's okay; and I tried to not mull over the fact that even my hobbies didn't bring me joy. I tried to focus on the absolute smallest things that felt nice: the breeze from my ajar window, the feeling of fresh water as I washed my hands, the odd birds outside in the distance... It's a great habit to take, actually, to become a bit "contemplative". A shame I had to discover this when everything else felt bad, but better late than never. A warm shower would usually help my anxiety and/or crying bouts. It is the simplest yet most efficient thing honestly now that I remember it. Restorative yoga was also helpful sometimes (I never tried yoga before WD and it is one good habit I took during my journey!) Repeating to myself that things come and go, including the hardships. Radical acceptance was a great read (I ought to find the link to the specific post again, I'll edit this later). And now... I can now drink coffee/alcohol just like before (I never abused it!). I can focus on and write my thesis, read complicated theoretical books, hold a conversation without feeling alien, hell I'm even less shy than before, I eat in great amounts and I have almost put back all the weight I lost. I just feel... profoundly normal. Back in my shoes. I think my outlook on life changed a bit. It became more optimistic, more appreciative mostly because I coped with the atrocious feelings of withdrawal by focusing on the small things (when you've got nothing else...); and/or repeating to myself what people said on this forum and what I came to learn as I progressed, which is that healing eventually happens and that good days and bad days will always alternate, even if sometimes one part overpowers the others. Eventually, it evens out, and it's worth it when you look back at what you've been through. Thanks everyone on SurvivingAntidepressants for making this possible - with your support, your advice, your journeys. We'll all get there and I hope from the bottom of my heart that all of you feel the relief that I got the chance to feel very soon. If you're struggling and reading this: you're insanely strong for having soldiered on every single difficult day in your life. I'm just an internet stranger, but I'm proud of you, and I want to promise you that better days are ahead.

I took Escitalopram for a week (6 days 5mg and the last 10mg) and then decided that it wasn't for me (in consultation with two GPs and two psychiatrists). For the first two days after stopping, everything remained relatively normal and initially improved (instead of lying around for 24 hours, my participation in life increased again). On the third day, a strong inner restlessness, associated insomnia and sexual dysfunction set in. This condition has now been happily changing from better to worse for 7 days. I also have the feeling that I'm not quite myself emotionally, but this could also be due to the fact that I'm worried about my current condition. So I wanted to know if you have had similar experiences and what the time frame was for you?

Hello. I’m a 31 year old female. Straight, single, no kids. From California. I am alcohol-free since 1/1/18 and don’t smoke or use drugs. I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2001, depression in 2013, and have had moderate to severe emetophobia for as long as I can remember (this contributes to most of my anxiety). My first time being prescribed an antidepressant was at age 12. I was on a low dose of Paxil CR after being hospitalized for mysterious ailments that turned out to be anxiety-related. I’m not sure but I think I was on that med approximately six months. I don’t remember having any issues coming off it. In my last year of college (2013), at age 23, I started experiencing a worsening of anxiety and depression symptoms and ended up back on Paxil. Between then and early 2016 I was on and off Paxil, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. I gained a lot of weight from the SSRIs which started negatively affecting my health. I was able to get off the combo I was taking (Paxil and Wellbutrin) in 2015(?) with tolerable and brief withdrawal symptoms, and was having great success managing my life with healthy habits and talk therapy. That all came crashing down when I decided to buy my first house. (A decision I now regret!) The stress of it all made me start having panic attacks at work so I decided to go back on medication. I started with Zoloft but the second time around it gave me terrible side effects. Next was Prozac which was just a week of misery. So I finally tried Lexapro. It worked. But over the course of the next several years I gained even more weight, and along with unhealthy lifestyle choices, ended up with a type 2 diabetes diagnosis. Along with the type 2 diabetes, my absolute worst struggle is fatigue. I have low energy every single day of my life. It got so bad that I was almost fired from my job for excessive tardiness; I’d sleep though alarms. I actually ended up quitting that job and selling my house because my mental and physical health were sinking to their lowest. I spent over six months on disability and moved back in with my parents. I eventually started working part time. And now I’m back to working full time and recently moved alone in a nice rented apartment. The constant, everyday, debilitating fatigue is still there. I tried everything to remedy it, even had a sleep study done. Nothing. The sleep doctor said that SSRIs can disrupt sleep patterns. So through process of elimination I’ve come to the conclusion that my chronic fatigue is because of the Lexapro. Between that, no sex drive (and thus being single for the past 7 years), and the metabolic issues, I’m determined to get off it. Which brings me here. I first tried getting off my 15mg/day dose in summer 2019. I took the bad advice from a homeopathic doctor to taper down 5mg every two weeks. It was hell and even after stretching that out a bit, I had to go back to the full 15 and eventually 20mg dose after six weeks. I’m now on my second attempt to taper. I easily got back down to 15mg in January 2020. In October 2020 I talked to my psych NP (who’s been managing my medication for several years now) and she prescribe me liquid Lexapro so I can start a slower taper this time. I started off going down 1mg each week, sometimes two weeks if needed. I didn’t have too many issues. The main symptoms were fatigue, nausea, dizziness/lightheadedness, and brain zaps. January 22, 2021 I got down to 3mg and that’s where I still am because for some reason I’ve been smacked on my a** with symptoms. I’m experiencing all the physical symptoms above, but worse; now along with crying jags, derealization, irritability, intrusive thoughts, and depressive mood. They’re not constant but they’re enough to really mess up my life right now. (Pandemic burn out is definitely a contributing factor as well.) So I’m here on this site to navigate this last leg of my taper. Feel free to drop a comment, give advice, ask a question, or just say hi. I’m using this site mostly on my phone so I’ll do my best to figure it out and add my signature line ASAP.

Hi I was prescribed Paroxetine and Lexapro for over 10 years for my depression and anxiety. Tbh I was prescribed an array of medications by my first doctor who seemed hell bent on throwing them at me like tic tacs. After still having suicidal idealtion, endless crying spells, depression and anxiety another medication was added to the growing list...Zoloft. I had a severe reaction and had to stop it in a day. It traumatised me so much, I didn't resume my Lexapro medication. I went on with my life and for the first month I was fine and didn't really notice the absence of Lexapro in my life. But then I was struck down with anxiety and depression and tried to go back on my 5mg of Lexapro but got an allergic reaction from being off them for a month. I have been put on St. John's Wort and I'm trying to hold on but I'm losing all hope as I see my life collapse before my eyes. I'm physically getting worse and feel so physically weak and nauseated. I have brain zaps and tingles. I can't eat or exercise and feel that my life is over. It's absolutely terrifying. I fear becoming homeless because I need a job and money for essentials. I miss the person I used to be and never felt so alone in my life. There's no one that seems to understand and no support network in Australia. I know I didn't taper slowly enough and it would of been wise to do it slower. But unfortunately I tried to restart using Lexapro and had severe allergic reactions. We also don't have it in liquid form in Australia for a 10 percent tapering reduction. I now live all alone with no partner or support network. I'm 49 years old and feel that my life is over. Living with no hope, physical and mental symptoms, suicidal idealation, loneliness and despair coupled with financial stress makes me feel as though I just can't make it through this. I'm starting to lose all hope.

Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!

Hi, My name is Kai. I was prescribed three meds in the first day. Those were Abilify, Agotine, and Topiramate. I took them instantly after the meeting with psychiatrist. I was very stressed. I felt not understood. But that wasn't the problem. The problem occured when I took the second dose after few hours. I started feeling a strange amount of satisfaction. It was night, and I felt as if I was in a kind of a transitional state. I remember feeling almost supernatural. There was a different day, which I guess I did almost the same thing after meeting the psychiatrist. I remember it was a day, and the dose might have been changed. Also there might have been added the new pill, Risperidone. I felt great agitation. I could not stop moving. I saw hallucination. I felt my world was melting down. My world was never the same after that. Honestly, I don't remember if those two were the same day or not. And many other things occured in the other days, but those were what happened when I was struck by meds instantly. The other days, I felt also very unreal. I felt my world was changing into something else. Since it was the first time I was using the antipsychotics, I thought this was what it was supposed to be doing. Later, I started losing my musical abilities. It happened gradually. One day suddenly, I simply wasn't able to play anymore. I still cannot play to this day. Before, I was great at many instruments. I was a musician by heart, feeling arts all throughout the world, loving the poetry and literature, and so on. I also loved movies, but those all disappeared. I was somewhere apart from the world I used to be in before. There was no 'me' anymore. No more interest, feelings, thoughts, memories. But I was still able to enjoy movies to some extent until I became bedridden. Being bedridden was when I was completely done in my life. At least that is what I felt. But while I was being bedridden, I slowly recovered in a strange way. It took a long time, and the recovery didn't show any promise of my previous self, I started to feel some normal feelings again, which was not really pleasing to me. I don't know if it was because I was being bedridden, relying on to my family, losing my independence and hope, but the reality felt much worse and resembled that feeling of unfortunate childhood that I've been through. I felt totally immature. I am very sorry my writing doesn't articulate anything good. I have tried to write this introduction since the beginning of this year, but it took so long to even be able to write something that doesn't look terrible. So since I know you, which are great people who chose to help, would kindly write replies to this pitiful writing, and if you do so and ask me for more specifics, I will try my best to tell more about my symptoms and situations. It also takes very long time for me to remember something, including what I ate for breakfast. Thank you.

Good morning, in 2022 I used AD escitalopram from 2.5 to 10 mg for months for depression (?) After a month I got an improvement in mood but at the cost of sleep restriction and strange activation. In January 2023 I didn't take it anymore, but the activation remained and I enjoyed it even then, although in my mind I was afraid that I would pay for the sleep restriction someday. In March I fell ill with covid and then my depression doubled. My doctor said to go back to escitalopram and added quetapine. I am afraid now of this treatment now. Other doctor wants to add pragabalin yet. I feel very bad: akathisia and very little sleep, therefore my family in bad mood

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. first and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone here at SA. THANK YOU for starting this website, for contributing, for keeping it going, for sharing, for being here, for fighting the good fight. in regards to tapering safely i did not find you in time; but since i found you it has helped immeasurably. before i found SA i'd been suffering through PW and PAWS for well over 3 years with no clear understanding of what the F was happening to me. although i had a working strategy of how to approach the embodied experience i was living, it took up a lot of energy not having an official explanation. i had a kind of makeshift, workaround idea along the lines of "maybe this is latent C-PTSD that has surfaced in the wake of SSRI cessation" and "clearly my nervous system is hypersensitive and destabilized, and i am intolerant of stress, possibly also as a result of a lifetime of chronic stress and trauma", etc. somewhat luckily these working hypotheses led me to a variety of tools that were entirely applicable to dealing with withdrawal syndrome, and so, ultimately, i was practicing many of the same non-drug coping strategies that i have since seen recommended on this site. for years i was on my own and it was trial and error. the bottom line is, it has been so much better since finding SA and knowing that i'm not alone and finally figuring out, "oh, this is what's going on!" (not that one cannot have C-PTSD / chronic stress / or the like in addition to WS, but WS is certainly also its own thing in addition to whatever underlying vulnerabilities may present) anyway -- THANK YOU to everyone for everything. i am currently in my fifth year of protracted withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal syndrome following an incorrect, too-fast taper of lexapro/escitalopram that basically amounted to CT + decades' worth of going on and off dozens of different psych drugs/cocktails, incl. most recently vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine, etc. i don't have energy or access right now to write in more detail about the long and illustrious drug history and the numerous failed attempts to get out of psychiatry (it's clear to me now that i've been in protracted withdrawal with PAWS multiple times before, but at the time i didn't know what it was and when i sought help consistently received a new and more extreme diagnosis every time; it seemed, according to psychiatry, that i was getting sicker and sicker, and would get more heavily drugged each time around -- psychiatry suffers from munchhausen by proxy in its absurd closed-loop system) bottom line -- TODAY I AM DRUG-FREE. i was first committed to a psych ward as a minor (below the age of consent), that's where i was first drugged. i clearly remember being so overmedicated that my hands were shaking non-stop, i couldn't properly hold a fork to eat or a pencil/pen to write. i fainted in the shower. i knew it was the drugs, i knew they were giving me too much, i know i said as much. i have no recollection of being listened to. my first ever "psychotic episodes" also occurred during this first ever hospitalization, subsequent to which my diagnosis was augmented to include my being labeled as "psychotic". i am convinced the sensory hallucinations were caused by the drugs they were giving me. i have spent my entire adult life thus far (approx. 17 y.o. - 42 y.o.) under the influence of psychiatric drugs. WTF. although i am currently drug-free i don't consider myself out of the woods yet as i'm still very much in recovery and reeling from the extensive physiological and psychological/existential harm. i cannot even begin to really truly process that. i don't dwell on it, i try not to think about it, really, although of course the thoughts come occasionally, but for the most part i let them pass bc my thinking is currently rather unreliable and murky, colored as it is by WS (monkey mind chatter which does not allow for proper processing). maybe one day when my cognitive/emotional/spiritual/etc. capacities are healed, if it is still relevant and required, i will mourn any loss as necessary. for now i sometimes touch upon grief (primarily on behalf of our collective loss and the tragedy of psychiatric violence afflicting countless human beings and indeed our global ecosystem as a whole) but my mind is too feeble to truly grasp the staggering atrocity / swirling galaxy of bullsh*t. for the time being i'm mostly just sorta left stunned and reeling; and sometimes in a moment of clarity i feel a call to arms and long to spring into action and up onto the barricades (etc.), but i lack the abilities for any kind of follow-through, which can be distressing as i think, "i'm not doing my part to save my fellow suffererers out there!" in these moments i have to remind myself that first i have to get better, and for now i just gotta hang on to my own life raft, bc that's pretty much all i can do, and most of the time it's a tall order as is, at least for now. i have to tell myself that what i cannot currently comprehend, is not currently my job. i try to do the tasks i am able to do, that is what is for me to do here and now. for example: currently i am able to shower once a week, sometimes twice a week. i am able to do a gentle yoga session about once a week. leaving the house is very difficult, but i manage to get out about twice a week. i am able to do my own grocery shopping (usually once a week), which brings me a sense of satisfaction and purpose. i am able to cook for myself (i've been on a self-designed, tried-and-true nutritional regimen for a couple of years now, which works quite well for me); nourishing myself is a vital part of my day and one of the few ways i'm able to actively engage with life on a daily basis. there are many, many things i'm unable to do and many, many ways in which i'm functionally disabled. i don't feel like getting into that now. in this moment i'd like to focus on markers of progress. for example: here i am, writing an introduction post. i have not posted here before bc writing and verbal communication, esp. disembodied/virtual kind without being in the physical presence of the other person, is something that has been extremely difficult for me in withdrawal and continues to be very, very challenging. so this is really hard and scary right now; and at the same time it is a marker of progress that i am able to be here writing this at all, since for so long i have not been able to and now i'm giving it a try. we'll see how it goes. these days i feel like i'm in my little WS groove. doing my thing, doing the best i can. i tell myself that this too shall pass -- based on the accounts of people on this site and the many success stories, it's possible to recover and heal. i trust that this is true; which means that there's a finite number of WS days/hours/moments (that number is unknown and unknowable, i call it X). and so it follows that every single day/hour/moment of WS-related suffering is 1 down, X to go and brings me that much closer to the conclusion. this is my way of conceptualizing the unpleasantness and discomfort as healing-in-process. instead of thinking of it as "i'm still sick" (which connotates stuck-ness and static state), reminding myself "i'm continously healing" (which conveys movement and development and some notion of constructive progress). it's very, very hard. i do feel like things are getting better ... lately one of the odd things about feeling better is that the WS symptoms have decreased somewhat in intensity, and now that some of the WS symptoms are less extreme, it's as though it's less clear to me that they are indeed WS symptoms. i sometimes find myself thinking, "wait, what if this particular thing is no longer WS and now this is just 'me'?" overall i tell myself that this line of thinking is still WS, as these are "anxiety thoughts" and fear-based, and i pay them as little mind as possible. it's a strange sign of progress that as WS is gradually lessening in intensity the lines between "syndrome" and "self" seem to be blurring more and more. this is, of course, compounded by an underlying all-pervasive tension around the question, "who am i?" at this point i accept that i have no idea who i am. i don't know who i am now, i don't know who i was before, i don't know who i will be after. my sense of identity is flimsy at best, i have difficulty with any sense of continuity or understanding "me", "my life", or anything along those lines. it's okay. i'm not sure my sense of self has ever been that strong to begin with. i don't know where i'll be dumped at the end of this fun-house-mirror-lined chute of WS bizarro-world ... it's kinda funny sometimes, when i think about it. it's all so absurd. all these illusions and so many people out there running around all serious and self-important and convinced of what's "real". maybe i'll feel like that one day, who knows? ... (feel free to skip to the end of the book, eh?) anyway. i don't have much more to say for now. this is the most words i've used in any one sitting in any context possibly in years. i mostly don't like social contact due to conventions/exigencies of verbal communication (i don't mind context of shared social presence as long as there is no speaking/conversation involved) and so i spend most of my time alone. i'm actually surprised this many words have come out of me! and now i'm babbling, i've got the feeling this is all very messy. but the most important part is: ABSTRACT hello. thank you. i'm here. ain't that a trip with love, "me" 1996-2018: various polypharmacy combinations incl. SSRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzodiazepines, stimulants, etc. (approx. 30+ different drugs over the years) 2018 - inadvertently CTed lexapro/escitalopram from 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg (over the course of 6 months, and under the "supervision" of a psychiatrist whom i trusted at the time) July 2018 - 0mg lexapro/escitalopram 2017 - 2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 70mg 2020 - 2021 - tapered off of vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine from 70mg down to 0mg (gradually but unsystematically and probably too quickly) July 2021 - 0mg vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine February 2022 - 0mg - no psychopharmaceuticals - no drugs/medications of any kind supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 2mg melatonin at 9pm

I took Lexapro 20 mg last year for the first time ever for situational depression and it helped. But in June 2023 I missed 3+ doses and immediately withdrawal set in. As I wanted to just get off this, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist I jumped down to 10 mg to start the taper. Terrible OCD thoughts set in and in desperation I jumped to 20, then stupidly 30, but things just got worse. I have finally landed at 10 mg and have been holding until I stabilize, 10 weeks now, as my central nervous system was very much destabilized by all of this switching doses rapidly. I had akathisia, serotonin overload, jerking of my arms and legs, hypersensitive hearing and blurry vision for about 2 weeks each. At this dose over the last 10 weeks, though, all of that has improved and stopped, which leads me to believe that I am doing the right thing by just trying to stabilize. The intrusive thoughts have been the worst part that just won't quit, and the constant shameful thoughts, me wondering "What have I done wrong, will this ever get better, will I ever be myself again?" are constant. I look for counsel from other members here who have gone through a similar thing and asking for affirmation that I am doing the right thing by holding. Tapering off is my absolute goal, but I have read enough here that I understand I need to not even begin to think about that until I have been stabilized for a good while. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family in all of this. Any comments and advice are appreciated.

Hello. New here. I started Lexapro towards the end of June 2023. I was on 2.5 mg for two weeks. 5 for two weeks. 7.5 for two weeks and 10 for 6 weeks before I started tapering off. I tapered off under doctors recs. I didn't know any better. While I was on the drug I had this awful heavy body feeling and muscle tension. Whenever I would go up the next dose I would have hyperreflexia and my joints would just twitch at night while trying to fall asleep. I've been off 3 and a half months. The first 3 weeks I was about getting back to normal. I went and got botox one day, and I don't know if it was the botox or if it would have happened anyway but i fell hard into withdrawl. Oddly on the meds and on my bad days, I notice my joints don't crack like they normally do. It's weird. My blood pressure for three weeks in December was insane. It would go into the high 40s and then shoot up into the 70s. That seems to be stable now. Still dealing with the heavy body feeling. Loss of sensation. Muscle tension and sometimes twitching. I had a few day window last week, where I felt almost 100 percent back to normal. My dry eyes are killing me. Followed by today where I don't have much sensation on my arms or hands. My head feels 200 lbs. And I have extreme muscle tension in the back of my head. Are there even muscles there? How can that even hurt so bad. The cervical spine area seems to be the worst. I went to PT to try and help, but I don't think it did anything. I see people that never recover and I just worry I will hit a wave and never come out.

G'day SA community My name is Anthony and I have been lurking on this site for a few weeks and thought it time that I start my contribution. And hopefully get some well needed support without being too selfish. I would firstly like to preface my intro by thanking all the members, staff, moderators and founders of this site. It is helping me get through a dark time in my life that I have never ever experienced before. And it has been and still is scary. My story is long (as is most sufferers) so I will do my utmost to be as concise yet brief as possible without losing the important information. I would also like to take the opportunity to thank Aeroman in particular as His success story is what I have needed and his time and investment in answering all the questions from the members relating to his journey has been inspiring to say the least. I won't go into the usual diatribe about how I suffered as a child in a dysfunctional home from physical, emotional and mental abuse of which was the case but my story is more about the incompetent people in white coats we see as all knowing, professional, caring and are in their chosen field because they like helping people and not the money! It all started when I was 21 years old. I had recently finished my apprenticeship with a National Manufacturer as a HVAC & R Technician (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning and Refrigeration) and was around two years into starting my own business. Things were going very well when all of a sudden and out of nowhere my heart started racing and I was feeling faint. It was fortunate and by coincidence that I was working next door to a Medical Centre. I literally crawled into the Medical Centre and was dragged by a lovely receptionist wo a consultation room. She got me glass of water and informed a doctor. Unfortunately by the time the doctor arrived my heart had suddenly reverted back to normal and I was feeling fine. Tired but, well. He did all the usual work up of tests, including a 24hr Holter monitor to check my heart but basically put it down to either dehydration (as it was the middle of summer here in Australia) or anxiety/stress. Anyway, I was given the all clear. A couple of years later, with out any warning, the same thing happened again. And then again. and then again and again and again. There would be sporadic episodes of this that would last from anywhere from 3 minutes to as long as three hours. It would also involve many Emergency Department visits, ambulance call outs, blood tests, tests for this or that, tests for something else more visits with a GP and yet nothing could be found other than that old chestnut. ANXIETY......STRESS......DEPRESSION. Duh...of course I'm stressed out, I am as anxious as all get up because I feel like my heart is either about to stop or beat so fast its going flop out of my chest.......and nobody can find what the...is wrong with me. So fast forward a couple more years and with still no answers I decided to start seeing psychologists, Chinese medicine Practioners, hypnotists, more GP's, more Psychologists, even a Psychiatrist who suggested the bad word.....Anti Depressants.........of which I have never been one to even take a paracetamol for a headache let alone nasty stuff like that. Well, they all promised they could resolve my anxiety and stress related heart problems but none of them ever did. I was eventually convinced by a psychologist (and my wife) to try Zoloft because I was one of those people that was either born with a chemical imbalance or I acquired one due to my childhood traumas. Well lets just say that those three days were what I thought at that time to be pure hell on earth. Stopped CT and straight in the bin with the free sample. With all the money I spent over the years I could have bought my own little Island retreat somewhere in the Pacific Islands. Fast Forward a few more years and continually dealing with my heart palpitations I got married, had two daughters, multiple businesses and generally a reasonably good time even though that this heart issue was hanging over my head constantly my Quality of Life was very restricted. Fast forward a few more years and Feeling pretty bad about this and being at that age where I wanted more out of life I hunted down a new GP who was the mother of my daughters best friend at school, I had known her a few years personally and my wife thought she would be able to help with this trouble that I was enduring. Well now is where trouble really starts but I did know that till recently. Into the first consultation and boom, out comes the Mental assessment questionnaire and what do you know, I have anxiety and stress bordering on depression. WTF? Being tired of all this I caved in, desperate for my heart to be normal I took the free sample of Lexapro with my tail between my legs, went home and told my wife who was ecstatic (in her defence she only wanted the best for me and a happy life with her husband and the big house and cars and white picket fence and she believed all the doctors saying I was mental blah blah blah). Sucked back my first tablet and went back to my life. Yeah, I thought my life was coming back and that these medicines really do work, why didn't I persist last time because I don't even think about my heart anymore.......A year down the track I went back to my doctor and told her that it feels like it wasn't working like it was 6 months ago, boom, up my dosed from 10mg to 20mg. Well well well, wouldn't you know it. 11pm on a Tuesday night I woke up, my heart was going crazy, I was ill, vomiting, fainting and feeling like I was going to die. Told myself to suck it up, it was all mental, I was mental, I have something seriously mentally wrong with me, the doctors and everyone said so.........three hours later I called for an ambulance, woke up my wife and kids and told them what was happening, my kids were freaking out......The ambulance arrived and as the paramedics came into my bedroom a thud and my heart slowed down to normal, I felt okay, all the stress and anxiety and ill feeling gone just like that. A two day stay in hospital with all the usual tests again and the doctor comes to see me, "Yep, unable to find anything, must be stress or anxiety". Great I thought. So much for Lexapro, time to get off this rubbish because I don't feel anything anymore, no fun, no anger, no happiness, nada......Two weeks later I tapered as per doctors advice and against her wishes I was off the AD's for good. Three months later I was back in her office begging for some relief, I was in bad shape, out of work and my wife again seriously wanted to go back on the meds or there would be repercussions maritally speaking. This time the Doctor said I now had Major Depression Disorder, those words alone stressed me out. Anyway, time to start the heavy hitting SNRI now, I was in bad shape she said..........Well two days later I ended up having another heart episode that was the worst I had ever had, I really thought that I was going to die, I screamed at my wife to call the ambulance, my kids started crying immediately, the Ambulance sent an Urgent care Hi-Priority paramedic who was in my bedroom hooking my with ECG leads all over my body, cannulas in both arms and then said quite casually..."It okay mate, no worries, your not dying....you got SVT. Just relax and Ill fix it for you in a minute I just have to get this ECG trace to show the docs and will get it done" What? SVT? Did I eat something bad, what is SVT. Isn't it anxiety? I asked the Paramedic. 'Nah" he says. Got nothing to do with anxiety. you may have anxiety from having this but having this is definitely not from anxiety" Anyway, a few valslva manoeuvres and a couple of jokes when the transport ambo turns up later I'm feeling quite calm. Off to the hospital for further tests and the Paramedics hang around for a while and with the Doctor explain to me what SVT is. Also known as PSVT (Paroxysmal Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). 24 years of my life chasing this, never not once did any medical or other professional suggest I go see a cardiologist but they were all too willing to take my money...............For those of you who don't know what PSVT is or don't want to use google, I had AVNRT (Atrio ventricular nodal re-entrant tachycardia) type of heart arrhythmia, there are several, of which I had an additional pathway next to my AV node causing my heart electrical conduction system to short circuit causing my heart to beat at extremely high rates which was captured on the ECG at 230bpm. Diagnosis meant that it was not life threatening, just very unpredictable and uncomfortable...No Joke! After my hospital stay I was referred to a cardiologist for follow but decided I should see my GP so I can stop the Prisitq because I have found out, after 24 years, that I am not mental, or at least the reason why I am a bit skiddish is because the actual heart problem. Again, my wife and GP convince me to stay on the Pristiq to just help get over the next couple of months until I sort out this heart arrhythmia and me, after all these years being brainwashed what did I do....I agreed, good idea, just to get me over the next hurdle because now I have to go and have a heart operation I need to be in the right mindset..............how stoopid am I? I am now back at home waiting to see the specialist cardiologist and everyday my mood is getting worse and worse. I am constantly crying, panicking, thinking I am going to die and I haven't even seen the cardiologist yet. This snowballs to the point that during my Consultation with the Cardio I was in a very bad emotional state my wife had to talk for me. When the Cardiologist found out I was on Prisitq he asked me why I was on this junk, I should get off it as quickly as possible, and medications like these are only for people who are in dire need of help and in Hospital. The Heart operation, Electrophysiology Study and Cather Abalation will resolve the heart issues and I won't have to worry about heart arrhythmias ever again. I informed him that my GP told me I needed to stay on them, well after that there was some correspondence back and forth from my Cardioligist and GP about this and finally my Cardiologist gave up. Operation day arrives and I go to the hospital, supposed to be a day procedure, should be home that night.......Two procedures and two weeks later I am sent home with some complications that the Electrophysiologist had some trouble sorting out. I wouldn't want to go into detail but I was an emotional wreck, my kids were destroyed emotionally as well I am happy to delve further into the complications during and after the procedure if anyone wants to know but, .Lets just say that I had almost, almost was going to have a pacemaker installed but thankfully it was found out that I had some complications from some "Medications" Namely a SNRI Pristiq. Basically I am still not right after three months and I am diagnosed with a condition called Inappropriate sinus tachycardia that needs to be controlled with some heart medications. Hopefully this will resolve with time. Nonetheless, I was totally traumatised by that event and I am struggling with it mentally still. So out of hospital I meet with my GP as I had lots of Chest pain, and irregular heartbeats etc etc and to finally get off the Prisitq. But no. now that I am in pretty much an uncontrollable state she suggests and refers me to a Psychiatrist to re-evaluate and possibly change medications and wants me to look at going to a Mental Hospital and to help get through the next few days while I am waiting for the Psych Doc appointment that I should start on Valium and Sleeping tabs to get me through. Wait, what. Now I'm treating this med with another med. Anyway, I'm so desperate ill do whatever......... Finally see the Psych doctor and she DSM's me as Panic Disorder only, stops the Pristiq immediately, but after three days break I need to start Lexapro again at 10mgs and then three days after that start 20mgs. Oh by the way, its because you have a chemical imbalance disease in your brain, you will need these the rest of your life, its like insulin for diabetics, most people are on these now, its what you need to live and get by........................................These nasty people play on your vulnerability!. Well I stopped the pristiq on a Wednesday. Thursday morning I woke up like a new person. No Crying, energy back, no dizziness, my heart was beating regularly and slowly and I felt brilliant. I told my wife that I didn't want to go on the Lexapro again but after some heated discussion, what she and the kids had been through recently and the potential issues going forward I handed my genitals back to her to put in her purse for safe keeping..........Start sucking those poison pills down again as directed by all those who had never been on this rubbish, two more weeks in bed feeling like death warmed up, headache, nausea, sore mouth, teeth sore everything, could not talk could not eat, that's when I woke up one morning and trashed the lot of pills in the bin. That was the day I Cold Turkey again Wrong move I know but boy, was I sick. The suicide ideation, the gory vivid dreams, the grim reaper and death is all thought about for those two weeks mixed in with insomnia. Well, I haven't recovered from these two weeks of Lexapro, they have changed something in me and I didn't get the relief I got from when I stopped Pristiq. This time Lexapro, only for two weeks has done something to me and I feel these withdrawal symptoms are going to take something special from me to get through...................These drug pushers need punishment for their actions. All these years of feeling intimidated by these charlatans and all along I had an issue that should have been resolved with a day procedure. Yes it was heart surgery nonetheless but still, my family and I are in a world of hurt now that was unnecessary. Thank You for letting me to get this out, I needed it. I am struggling with the WD side effects and I am concerned for the future and pain that is coming from this but I will no longer be controlled by these poison pills..........................