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Pearl was 10 when she had some anxiety and hormonal issues and started having crying spells. She would go to her room and start crying. She was given Antidepressant for that. Initially it helped but then within 2 months she reached tolerance. So dose was increased. Higher dose worked for 2 more weeks. Then crying spells returned in worse intensity along with some mental confusions and distorted thinking. A benzo was added along with Antidepressant. No improvement was found. She started showing behavioral changes, psychosis symptoms (delusions only , no hallucinations). An antipsychotic was added. By the time we realized the drugs are harming her more, and are not the cure, it was almost 7-8 months. We started discussing with doctors and tapering was started. Tapering was done over a period of 1 year. She suffered bad withdrawal symptoms: Loss of sleep Crying spells returning Anger/Rage Zombie/Glazed look Entire day sitting at one place , not doing any thing Hygiene went to hell Memory and Cognitive decline She stopped going to school at this point. We also supported her as she was not able to comprehend what was being taught and it was giving her stress because she was not able to understand. She is drug free from 4 months. Still boiling rage is continuing. Some of the mental confusion/delusions are coming back. Cognition is not at all getting better. She is now 12. Even if we look at her, she starts throwing stuff at us. I being her mother is taking care of her hygiene and health. It will be 5 months of being drug free this week and still not much of an improvement. She is my child and her suffering like this is too painful for me. Is there any way I can speed up the recovery?

Hello, I am here because I am looking for more information on Invega, and I am thinking about the future; of when I may have to come off Invega completely. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia about 12 years ago. I have been on Invega Sustenna for abour 3-4 years now. Maybe longer. I was previously on Zyprexa, Abilify, Geodon, Prolixin, and Haldol. Within the 3-4 years I was on Sustenna, I switched to Trinza ~819 mg, and things were okay, but then I decided to try Cogentin to treat the side effects. I found Cogentin to be helpful, somewhat. Things were going well, so I asked my doctor to reduce my Trinza, and they did. With that, I increased the dosage of Cogentin from 1 mg to 3 mg's once in the morning because I felt the most relief then. That was when I started to hallucinate. I made a call to the crisis hotline one night, and I ended up in the emergency room. It was not a good ordeal. I was delusional the entire time and a security guard threatened to break my arm, along with some other disturbing experiences. I got out about a week later, after they added 9 mg of Paliperidone ER. I was still delusional. I was delusional the entire stay at the emergency room and the inpatient unit. My outpatient doctor believed I needed the extra 9 mg's so I stayed on it. I experienced severe akathisia. The Cogentin was not enough. So, I continued to take 3 mg of Cogentin in the AM, and experimented with higher dosages, up to 4 mg in the AM and 2 mg at noon. I was hallucinating and delusional. Also, my Trinza was increased to the ~819 mg dosage. Nothing helped my delusions and hallucinations. I don't know what caused the hallucinations and delusions, but my doctors think it had to do with the dosage decrease. I think it had to do with the experimenting with Cogentin. They say Cogentin doesn't cause hallucinations. I read online reports that say otherwise, so I don't know what to believe. Today, am tapering off the Cogentin. I am down to 1 mg a day in the AM. I successfully tapered off the 9 mg of Paliperidone ER and I am at the 234 mg dose, because the Trinza wasn't doing the job, so my doctor decided to try Sustenna again. I have been on the 234 mg dose for 5-6 months. One problem though, I get delusional and hallucinate one week before my injection is due. That is what I would like to find out about. Is my injection not lasting long enough? Or is this a problem with antipsychotics and they eventually lose efficacy? As far as treating my akathisia goes, I have found success with L-Theanine. I take 200 mg in the AM, but it gives me the runs, so I may reduce the dosage. L-Theanine has been a huge blessing though. It has helped with the anhedonia, but I don't think it does much for the tremors because I still experience them from time to time. For the tremors, I take magnesium glycinate. 300 mg in the AM and 100 mg at noon. I have seen people say that L-Theanine was not helpful to them at all, so please, be cautious when taking L-Theanine. Try a low dose at first, if you are considering it. That is what I did. I found it helpful, but not helpful enough. tl;dr: I am experiencing relapse symptoms a week before my injection is due. Is my injection not lasting long enough? Or is this a problem with antipsychotics and they eventually lose efficacy?

Until I was 30 years old I had never put an antidepressant in my mouth. I had a normal life. I studied, graduated, dated, got married, etc., etc. Since I was a child, I've always been a little anxious/worried. When I was young, I had some difficulty sleeping. I also had gastritis due to anxiety, but nothing more than that. I never resorted to medication, even though I faced many traumas (my father's death, problems with my mother that made me move in with my grandmother, etc.). However, I started taking Lexapro 20 mg from 2010 until 2017 to treat classic depression caused by a disease that no one discovered and that made me feel a lot of pain. In 2017, after many bad episodes, notably my son's diagnosis with a serious illness, Lexapro was no longer effective. I started to feel scared, depressed, with back pain and anxious. I was afraid that my eldest son would also be diagnosed with the same disease. Now I question whether the exacerbation of these symptoms was not a result of Lexapro itself. WE WILL NEVER KNOW. The fact is that the doctor - in 2017 - switched to CYMBALTA 60 mg and I reacted VERY WELL. I even got through traumatic episodes, like the sudden death of my grandmother - which for me was everything in life, as she was the one who raised me - and everything went very well. The only annoying effect was dizziness when standing up. I actually fainted a few times because of it. In one of them I even had to get stitches in my head. Anyway, everything was going very well until the episode occurred in May/2023, in which I was fired by my friend, who suggested that I had committed a crime in 2016. After what happened, I became very depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed, a feeling of injustice, difficulty waking up, etc., but I was still able to do normal activities. Early July 2023 - when I was much better and didn't feel any of the symptoms I'm experiencing now - I went back to the doctor, who decided, don't ask me why, to increase the DUAL to 90mg. About 2 weeks after starting the new dose, the monster that now plagues my life began to be born. After seeing a news story saying that a certain person had been convicted for an event that had occurred 6 years ago even though he was innocent, I began to feel afraid that the suggestion made by the monster who fired me could come true, despite there being no factual-logical support. for that. From then on, I believe that due to the increase in medication, I began to feel anguish I had never experienced before - and which I later discovered was not that bad as I would feel much worse. But, as it was something new for me, I was very scared and, after contacting the doctor, I was prescribed Pristiq 50 + 0.25 Rexulti. I argued that I didn't want to take two medications. Because of this, she told me to just take pristiq. After about a week, I felt much better and thought everything was over. A few days later, however, the symptoms of anxiety/distress and intrusive thoughts returned. Therefore, we switched to 100 mg of pristiq associated, at my suggestion, with cannabis extract. However, the medication (Green Care 79.14 mg/ml) caused me 2 panic attacks. I was traumatized by these two events and permanently stopped taking THC. For the first time in over a decade, I had to take a Xanax to calm down. However, without any change of medication, the anxiety began to return very strongly, to the point of almost preventing normal activities from being carried out. Even so, it was possible to tolerate the symptoms with GREAT DISCOMFORT. Upon returning to the doctor's office, I reported the worsening of symptoms and the Pristiq dose was increased to 150 mg, this time associated with half a Rexulti tablet (0.25). As I was very fragile and wanted to improve, I accepted the association with the antipsychotic. About 1 week later, my symptoms improved and I thought that, this time, things would go well. After 1 or 2 weeks I felt good - although a little accelerated. However, at the end of November/2023 I started to feel very anxious, accelerated and distressed, which caused a terrible cycle of thoughts. They were very uncomfortable symptoms that were slowly destroying me. I even had a kind of panic attack, but I resisted without taking Xanax. I was anxious for almost the entire day, but I refused to speak up for fear of more problems. Mysteriously, all these symptoms diminished greatly during the night, so that, as far as possible, it was possible to sleep well, despite being very distressed during the morning and afternoon. Well, after this episode I went back to the office. Seeing my condition, the doctor decided to replace the 150 mg of Pristiq with 20 mg of Lexapro with the removal of 0.25 mg of Rexulti. In the first week after withdrawing from Pristiq, it felt like something bad had come out of me. From 11/21 until 11/28 the symptoms decreased until they almost disappeared. I was quite happy. I thought I had discovered what caused all this and that there would be a happy ending soon. But there was no time to celebrate. On 11/29/23, 8 days after withdrawing from Pristiq and starting Lexapro, the anguish returned in a brutal and overwhelming way. So great and intense that the desire to kill oneself appeared as the only option to end the suffering. I had never felt this before. Therefore, it is obvious that the medication was to blame. From 11/29 onwards, my real downfall began. Despite the ups and downs, before that, I was able to go for my daily run, work and have leisure time. From then on, no more. After 11/29 I have certainly been facing the worst phase of my life. If I weren't working remotely, I would have to take time away from activities. From that date on, I completely abandoned the faith that had helped me so much in the past and my life became a distressing struggle for survival. From being a fervent Catholic with a daily rosary, I no longer had the strength to continue. It was my wedding anniversary and I couldn't go out to dinner with my wife, just to give an example. I was completely dysfunctional. Many times I couldn't even take my children to school or go to the supermarket. He was in a daily hell that seemed to have no end other than taking his own life. The days that followed were terrible. During this period, I was forced to take xanax every day (I only took it once a day, but if I could, I would take it every 3 hours), such was the anguish. I had never felt anything close to that. Not even Doistoevksi, or perhaps only he, could faithfully describe the overwhelming feelings that invaded my soul. On December 7th, due to my terrible condition, the doctor suggested that I take ketamine sessions and add 0.5 of Rexulti to the 20mg of Lexapro. From then on I had ups and downs. After the first two ketamine sessions I thought I was cured and that everything was over. I was wrong. After a few days of improvement, I began to worsen dramatically with terrible anxiety and panic, as well as intrusive thoughts. On 1/8/24, in a new consultation, the doctor decided to maintain Lexapro 20 mg and maintain 0.5 of Rexulti. That same day, I went on vacation with my family and had the worst vacation of my life. Catastrophic thoughts accompanied me at all times. I was already waking up with a LOT of fear and panic. I spent the whole day like this, with the same thought circulating and plaguing my mind. I went to the beach with atrocious difficulty. Every 5 minutes, throughout the day and afternoon, I had to relive what happened to tell myself that there was no reason to worry, that it was just the thought of a crazy person, etc., etc., all of this surrounded by a lot of fear, anguish and panic. At night, there was a little relief and, I don't know how, I was able to sleep well. But I woke up the next day in absolute panic. It was a nightmare. Upon returning from vacation, on January 22, 2024, in complete despair, I went to another doctor. He said that I had symptoms similar to those of OCD and ordered me to keep the Lexapro, remove the 0.5 of Rexulti and take Luvox 50mg for 3 days, then switch to 100. In the first three days I noticed that the intrusive thoughts decreased. Given this, he asked to maintain the 50mg, in addition to the 20mg of Lexapro. From the fourth day onwards, however, despite the thoughts having reduced, the anguish/panic increased a lot again and came in a BRUTAL and OVERWHELMING way. I had terrible episodes for about 10 days, where I really wanted to kill myself to end the pain. I woke up with a feeling so bad I couldn't describe it. I even fainted on two occasions. I couldn't carry out everyday activities, like going to the supermarket or taking my children to play soccer. I had never felt anything like this. Doctor gave Buspirone but it was like water. Therefore, he told me to take Xanax 3x a day, in addition to the other medications. Afraid of the effects of benzos, he took xanax only when the anguish was unbearable and tried to live in anguish at all times, without respite. Then, in desperation, I asked the doctor to remove the Lexapro - because I thought it was causing the symptoms. On 02/02/2024, he ordered 5 days of Lexapro 10mg and then withdrawn, he kept 50mg of Luvox and started Elavil 25 (should go to 75 mg in 5 days) and Lithium 600 (2x of 300). The day after taking 25 mg of Amytril, on February 3, 2024, I felt better. I was very happy because I didn't wake up in a panic and I didn't feel like throwing myself out the window, something that had been with me in the last few months. But my general condition continued to be poor. From then on, very slowly, I gradually improved. It wasn't great, but I stopped wanting to die. Given the improvement, the doctor asked to keep Elavil at 25 mg. I suggested that he reduce/remove Luvox but was ignored. I thought it might have effects from completely withdrawing from Lexapro but it didn't get any worse. At an appointment on 2/22/2024 with another doctor, I was in a simply reasonable state. Still very traumatized by everything I suffered and went through, but without that anguish and panic that paralyzed me and left me wanting to die (and sometimes to kill myself, which scared me a lot). As for the thoughts that I would be reported, etc., they came many times a day, but without panic or anguish. But it was much better than my previous state. I was very happy with your new doctor's line of thinking - who also understood that most of the terrible symptoms I suffered stemmed - not from my condition - but from the medications. I reminded the doctor that I was flooded with a sea of serotonin and norepinephrine (I was prescribed an incredible 150 mg of Pristiq + 0.25 of Rexulti, then 20 mg of Lexapro + 0.5 of Rexulti, and finally 20 mg of Lexapro, + 50 mg of Luvox). One of the doctors even commented that we could increase Lexapro to 40 mg!!!! My perception is that what made me improve was Lithium. After 2 weeks of taking the mineral, I had a good improvement considering my previous condition. The effect of 25 mg Elavil was also impressive, as I took it at night and, the next morning, I didn't wake up in despair. As for Luvox, I honestly think it does me more harm than good. I remind friends who read me that I am one of the many cases in which the patient presents a small complaint and is devastated a few months later by the medications. If the medication starts to cause unwanted effects, the standard medical approach is to always increase the dose, and never take out the medication. It's insane. The new doctor ordered dozens of tests, including genetic ones, and authorized the reduction of Luxox to 25 mg. I've been on the new dose for 15 days and I'm still doing it - not very well - but simply stable. He also said that our target is to remove everything ( AMEN). He also said - unlike the previous doctor - that I don't have OCD, just a persistent intrusive thought. I remember never feeling anything like that. I never had thoughts that tormented me day and night. I remember never feeling anything like that. I never had thoughts that tormented me day and night. This is yet another indication that this all happened due to the different drugs I was put on. The thoughts that I could be accused of something - despite having done nothing - appear all the time, but without the panic like before. Today, 8/3/24, I am taking low doses of three medications: 25 mg of Elavil 25 mg of Luvox 600 mg of Lithium, The first withdrawal occurred. 15 days ago I reduced Luvox from 50 to 25. Because of all this, here I am, looking for everyone's help to, little by little and very carefully - after all, I am very traumatized by what I went through and felt - remove these medications from my life and get out of this nightmare I have been going through. Thanks and sorry for the bad english.

Hi I have been on Escitalopram since 2015 after the request from my doctor to take me off citalopram because I stopped taking all my meds and end up le with low sodium and was hospitalized in the trauma unit. While taking citalopram I was working, but now I have been on disability since 2016. I have tried 4 new meds in the last year for my worsening anxiety since the pandemic. My PA suggested buspirone that gave me headaches and intense sweating, and it made me drowsy, so I was not alert while driving. The next one was citalopram for 20mgs, at least that is what my PA told me, but I didn't read the label on the bottle, and I took 2 which caused massive anxiety, I looked at the bottle yesterday it's 40mgs. Next it was bupropion 75mg that made me really tired, then 150 mg of the Bupropion XL THst gave me heart palpitations Then Duloxetine, and I had trouble breathing. The latest one is Lamotrigine and 25mgs have been on it for 13 days. This one is a doozy, 2 hours after I took it, I got bad stomach cramps and diarrhea, and I hadn't had anything to eat that would irritate my stomach. I am still getting stomach aches even if I take it with food. Next it was migraine type headaches, sore neck, and sensitivity to light. I called the doctor's office about that, and they told me something else was going on with me and Lamotrigine that isn't a side effect of that. Then I started getting weird back pain with numbness. Next was a bloody ear. So, I called my PAs office and said I wanted to send a message to my doctor, but her secretary reiterated that Lamotrigine doesn't do that. I was so mad! Her secretary complained to the office manager awhile back about me calling about my side effects and lately she hasn't been sending some of my messages at all and just tells me her opinion. My doctor wants me to stay on this drug because everything I have said is not a side effect of this drug according to her, but according to CVS.com drug information center, it lists 3. Yesterday I wrote an email to my PA's office because I was so angry, I included a page from Drugs.com which lists side effects. That is another thing Lamotrigine is doing, causing agitation. She requested an appointment for tomorrow. I hope to God, that she doesn't make me stay on this drug. Does anyone have any tips if my doctor decides to get me off this nasty drug? Has anyone gotten worse while taking Escitalopram? It causes me tactile hallucinations after I take Trazodone, so I have to take it in increments at night. I called a different clinic about getting set up with a new doctor, insurance has to be approved first. He is booking in July. Haloperidol 15mgs Trazodone 200mgs escitalopram 20mgs Lamotrigine 25mgs

hello. i'm going to attempt an introduction. i reserve any possible ambition about a coherent, comprehensive history for a potential future recovery success story. i'll do what i can for now. first and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone here at SA. THANK YOU for starting this website, for contributing, for keeping it going, for sharing, for being here, for fighting the good fight. in regards to tapering safely i did not find you in time; but since i found you it has helped immeasurably. before i found SA i'd been suffering through PW and PAWS for well over 3 years with no clear understanding of what the F was happening to me. although i had a working strategy of how to approach the embodied experience i was living, it took up a lot of energy not having an official explanation. i had a kind of makeshift, workaround idea along the lines of "maybe this is latent C-PTSD that has surfaced in the wake of SSRI cessation" and "clearly my nervous system is hypersensitive and destabilized, and i am intolerant of stress, possibly also as a result of a lifetime of chronic stress and trauma", etc. somewhat luckily these working hypotheses led me to a variety of tools that were entirely applicable to dealing with withdrawal syndrome, and so, ultimately, i was practicing many of the same non-drug coping strategies that i have since seen recommended on this site. for years i was on my own and it was trial and error. the bottom line is, it has been so much better since finding SA and knowing that i'm not alone and finally figuring out, "oh, this is what's going on!" (not that one cannot have C-PTSD / chronic stress / or the like in addition to WS, but WS is certainly also its own thing in addition to whatever underlying vulnerabilities may present) anyway -- THANK YOU to everyone for everything. i am currently in my fifth year of protracted withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal syndrome following an incorrect, too-fast taper of lexapro/escitalopram that basically amounted to CT + decades' worth of going on and off dozens of different psych drugs/cocktails, incl. most recently vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine, etc. i don't have energy or access right now to write in more detail about the long and illustrious drug history and the numerous failed attempts to get out of psychiatry (it's clear to me now that i've been in protracted withdrawal with PAWS multiple times before, but at the time i didn't know what it was and when i sought help consistently received a new and more extreme diagnosis every time; it seemed, according to psychiatry, that i was getting sicker and sicker, and would get more heavily drugged each time around -- psychiatry suffers from munchhausen by proxy in its absurd closed-loop system) bottom line -- TODAY I AM DRUG-FREE. i was first committed to a psych ward as a minor (below the age of consent), that's where i was first drugged. i clearly remember being so overmedicated that my hands were shaking non-stop, i couldn't properly hold a fork to eat or a pencil/pen to write. i fainted in the shower. i knew it was the drugs, i knew they were giving me too much, i know i said as much. i have no recollection of being listened to. my first ever "psychotic episodes" also occurred during this first ever hospitalization, subsequent to which my diagnosis was augmented to include my being labeled as "psychotic". i am convinced the sensory hallucinations were caused by the drugs they were giving me. i have spent my entire adult life thus far (approx. 17 y.o. - 42 y.o.) under the influence of psychiatric drugs. WTF. although i am currently drug-free i don't consider myself out of the woods yet as i'm still very much in recovery and reeling from the extensive physiological and psychological/existential harm. i cannot even begin to really truly process that. i don't dwell on it, i try not to think about it, really, although of course the thoughts come occasionally, but for the most part i let them pass bc my thinking is currently rather unreliable and murky, colored as it is by WS (monkey mind chatter which does not allow for proper processing). maybe one day when my cognitive/emotional/spiritual/etc. capacities are healed, if it is still relevant and required, i will mourn any loss as necessary. for now i sometimes touch upon grief (primarily on behalf of our collective loss and the tragedy of psychiatric violence afflicting countless human beings and indeed our global ecosystem as a whole) but my mind is too feeble to truly grasp the staggering atrocity / swirling galaxy of bullsh*t. for the time being i'm mostly just sorta left stunned and reeling; and sometimes in a moment of clarity i feel a call to arms and long to spring into action and up onto the barricades (etc.), but i lack the abilities for any kind of follow-through, which can be distressing as i think, "i'm not doing my part to save my fellow suffererers out there!" in these moments i have to remind myself that first i have to get better, and for now i just gotta hang on to my own life raft, bc that's pretty much all i can do, and most of the time it's a tall order as is, at least for now. i have to tell myself that what i cannot currently comprehend, is not currently my job. i try to do the tasks i am able to do, that is what is for me to do here and now. for example: currently i am able to shower once a week, sometimes twice a week. i am able to do a gentle yoga session about once a week. leaving the house is very difficult, but i manage to get out about twice a week. i am able to do my own grocery shopping (usually once a week), which brings me a sense of satisfaction and purpose. i am able to cook for myself (i've been on a self-designed, tried-and-true nutritional regimen for a couple of years now, which works quite well for me); nourishing myself is a vital part of my day and one of the few ways i'm able to actively engage with life on a daily basis. there are many, many things i'm unable to do and many, many ways in which i'm functionally disabled. i don't feel like getting into that now. in this moment i'd like to focus on markers of progress. for example: here i am, writing an introduction post. i have not posted here before bc writing and verbal communication, esp. disembodied/virtual kind without being in the physical presence of the other person, is something that has been extremely difficult for me in withdrawal and continues to be very, very challenging. so this is really hard and scary right now; and at the same time it is a marker of progress that i am able to be here writing this at all, since for so long i have not been able to and now i'm giving it a try. we'll see how it goes. these days i feel like i'm in my little WS groove. doing my thing, doing the best i can. i tell myself that this too shall pass -- based on the accounts of people on this site and the many success stories, it's possible to recover and heal. i trust that this is true; which means that there's a finite number of WS days/hours/moments (that number is unknown and unknowable, i call it X). and so it follows that every single day/hour/moment of WS-related suffering is 1 down, X to go and brings me that much closer to the conclusion. this is my way of conceptualizing the unpleasantness and discomfort as healing-in-process. instead of thinking of it as "i'm still sick" (which connotates stuck-ness and static state), reminding myself "i'm continously healing" (which conveys movement and development and some notion of constructive progress). it's very, very hard. i do feel like things are getting better ... lately one of the odd things about feeling better is that the WS symptoms have decreased somewhat in intensity, and now that some of the WS symptoms are less extreme, it's as though it's less clear to me that they are indeed WS symptoms. i sometimes find myself thinking, "wait, what if this particular thing is no longer WS and now this is just 'me'?" overall i tell myself that this line of thinking is still WS, as these are "anxiety thoughts" and fear-based, and i pay them as little mind as possible. it's a strange sign of progress that as WS is gradually lessening in intensity the lines between "syndrome" and "self" seem to be blurring more and more. this is, of course, compounded by an underlying all-pervasive tension around the question, "who am i?" at this point i accept that i have no idea who i am. i don't know who i am now, i don't know who i was before, i don't know who i will be after. my sense of identity is flimsy at best, i have difficulty with any sense of continuity or understanding "me", "my life", or anything along those lines. it's okay. i'm not sure my sense of self has ever been that strong to begin with. i don't know where i'll be dumped at the end of this fun-house-mirror-lined chute of WS bizarro-world ... it's kinda funny sometimes, when i think about it. it's all so absurd. all these illusions and so many people out there running around all serious and self-important and convinced of what's "real". maybe i'll feel like that one day, who knows? ... (feel free to skip to the end of the book, eh?) anyway. i don't have much more to say for now. this is the most words i've used in any one sitting in any context possibly in years. i mostly don't like social contact due to conventions/exigencies of verbal communication (i don't mind context of shared social presence as long as there is no speaking/conversation involved) and so i spend most of my time alone. i'm actually surprised this many words have come out of me! and now i'm babbling, i've got the feeling this is all very messy. but the most important part is: ABSTRACT hello. thank you. i'm here. ain't that a trip with love, "me" 1996-2018: various polypharmacy combinations incl. SSRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzodiazepines, stimulants, etc. (approx. 30+ different drugs over the years) 2018 - inadvertently CTed lexapro/escitalopram from 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg (over the course of 6 months, and under the "supervision" of a psychiatrist whom i trusted at the time) July 2018 - 0mg lexapro/escitalopram 2017 - 2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 70mg 2020 - 2021 - tapered off of vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine from 70mg down to 0mg (gradually but unsystematically and probably too quickly) July 2021 - 0mg vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine February 2022 - 0mg - no psychopharmaceuticals - no drugs/medications of any kind supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 2mg melatonin at 9pm

My story is as follows: since 2012 I was living in constant stress and had huge business and responsibilities. I started to treat my stress by drinking wine. Then I decided to quit meat, and developed anemia. Since my body was weak, I had UTI and various inflammations in kidneys and gut. I was prescribed with antibiotics for 8 months; they totally destroyed my microbiome. Occasionally I was feeling sad from time to time, and at such moments was drinking wine. I know why I started feeling sad, as I was using wine as my coping mechanism to deal with stress, and wine is a big depressant and destroys your microbiome. On 2021 I started having anxiety. I was prescribed with antipsychotic Fluanxol and diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression. After 3 days anxiety was gone. But after 3month I developed depersonalization and feeling strange like depressed and my doctor said that depression is getting worse and I need SNRI- Cymbalta( duloxetine). I became suicidal and total zombie. After 1,5month she told me to CT, and prescribed Cipralex I developed: anxiety extreme one, vomiting, diarrhea, zombie feeling. After 1,5 month she told me to CT, then I was prescribed valdoxan it did nothing to me. Then I was prescribed mirtazapine, since all the polydruging I developed real depression and anhedonia. On the top they prescribed be Prozac. On Prozac I was getting slightly better, they upped the dose after one year to 60mg and felt even better but anhedonia and dysphoria were never gone. Now I am tapering mirtazapine since 2023 April, so since April from 45mg to 15mg reached now already. All was good for 2 months( November, December) even anhedonia was gone, but I was not tapering it as I was In Bali. Now when I started tapering again in December, withdrawals started to affect me on 27 January, 3 days bad 4 days good, again 4 days bad 10 days good, now when I reached 15mg I started having panic attacks. Does it sound for you like I have bipolar? I went to new psychiatrist today as I was feeling very scared of panic attacks and he said all these med did not help you initially as you are BIPOLAR. So now he wants me to prescribe 0lanzapine for 2 months meanwhile to CT mirtazapine and Fluanxol. And then after 2 months to stop olanzapine and Prozac and start lamotrigine. I am going insane, crying nonstop. Can I be Bipolar? Or is it that withdrawals mimic some other illnesses. I don’t feel that I was bipolar before meds I was just sad- and reason was too much wine. Anxiety was as a side effect of antibiotics in 2021. Please help going insane. Also what to do I reduced mirtazapine 10% every 3 weeks, now 2 weeks past the last reduction and I am having panic attacks every day and anxiety, depersonalization. Should I wait or should I up dose? Should I slow down with my taper and do 10% every 4-6 weeks? Please help

Hello All, I have been on and off this community for almost a couple of years now and finally when the registrations opened I thought I will join to make my journey more systematic. Originally diagnosed with GAD when I was 18 years old and been through a cocktail of drugs (complete timeline at the end). Over the years, the diagnosis has morphed into GAD, OCD and Depression. The last drug I was prescribed is as follows Clomipramine 75mg Lithium 800 mg I have been using this for about 2 years now, and in the last 6 months or so I have observed that I have almost unlimited energy, talk a bit too much and struggle with sleep. Specifically I have Nocturnal panic attacks, which keep waking me up and eventually I get tired of the chest tightness, walks, excessive eating at night and finally fall asleep around 3AM. My Psydoc, asked me to lower Clomipramine to 50mg. This is approx 6 months ago, I did accordingly and symptoms of OCD (intrusive images), lack of energy, crying spells etc came with full force. Hence I restored the dosage back waited 6 weeks to stabilize and commenced on a slow taper approx 10/11/2023. A bit more on the insomnia, I don't have trouble falling asleep, its just that I wake up with panic attack, some time restless leg syndrome. I frequently get more than 4 or 5 panic attacks per night. I have been prescribed Valium 5 mg, which I have been taking for over 8 months now. When I have good spell, I take half (2.5mg) so in total I would have been 60% time taking 5mg each day, and 40% time taking 2.5mg. I am fully aware of benzo dependence and try my best to lower it the best I could but currently I don't want to disturb too many things in one go. Back to my primary medication, My first taper step was 12.5mg (I know it is a big jump, but since I had benzo support I thought atleast I will take this first step higher than 10%) right now I am at 62.5 mg Clompiramine. approximately 6 weeks into it. Anxiety is on the rise but manageable currently. There are good and bad days but overall I am managing to do my tasks. Hypo mania / excited state has definitely gone away and I do have some lethargy and lack of motivation at times. Psydocs wasnt keen on slow taper but I put my foot down that that's how I am going to do it, he is supportive reasonably although he may not believe my approach. I do get second thoughts if I am doing the right thing or shall I listen to my psydoc and add another medication to the mix to manage. So far I have resisted and am coping. I intend to stay at this dose for atleast a few more months before taking another cut (definitely within 10% this time). Valium I will continue till I have stability on clomipramine 50mg. Then will decide how to proceed from that point. Long way to go, wish me luck. 2001 - Generalized anxiety disorder (derealization) - Lexapro 10 mg 2008 - Lexapro 20 mg (increased due to post baby blues) 2010 - Lexapro 30 mg 2016 - Lexapro 40 mg 2019-2020 - Lexapro stopped working, rapid tapers and switching to Fluexotine, Effexor, Remeron etc caused severe depression 2020 - Tried TMS but no avail. Suicidal ideation. Ended up in ER 2021 - ECT sessions to treat Major depressive episodes, discharged from hospital with Effexor 225mg but it wasnt managing the situation 2021- God send Psydoc, identified OCD as a contributory cause, put me on clomipramine 75 mg and Lithium 1500 mg 2021 - 2022: Dosage stabilization at Clomipramine 75mg and Lithium 800 mg, overall high energy state with brief almost hypo mania episodes here and there. 2022-23: Insominia kicked in due to nocturnal panic attacks Nov- 2023: Clomipramine taper started 62.5mg

Hi all! Thank you in advance for any help/advice. Since July 2023 (8 months) I've dealt with debilitating daytime fatigue. It's not sleepiness, since I don't feel the need to nap—more like I'm pulled underwater. I can't process/experience anything. My eyes glaze over, almost like I go unconscious with my eyes open. It's devastated my life. Extensive blood work has come back mostly normal, with very slightly high cortisol & transferrin saturation which I doubt are clinically meaningful. I'm a 22-year-old male & when this started I was very stringent about exercise, sleep, & nutrition. Recently I've developed mild visual distortions: visual snow, trouble focusing my eyes, & distant objects sometimes seem to flow like oil, although I think these are due to Qelbree WD & not the SSRIs. My drug history is in my signature. Here's my story with a focus on a few drugs: in Oct '23 (my senior year of college), I started Zoloft after an acute mental crisis. That Nov I went up to 100 mg & stayed on this for 6 months. Shortly after moving in June, I began to feel some daytime fatigue. It wasn't too bad, but I thought (& still think) the Zoloft was causing it, so I asked to switch to Lexapro. I should note that fatigue was much milder than the fatigue I'm experiencing now, so I don't think it suggests that my current fatigue started before any WDs. After some time, things rapidly declined—I think I noticed in Aug. I felt strong fatigue even through Adderall (I have ADHD) & ~7 cups of coffee (I've cut back for periods & it didn't help the fatigue). I had known Adderall was bad for me in the long run, so I switched to Focalin in Sept. Focalin didn't mask the fatigue as strongly. My mood was fine, so I thought Lexapro was causing the continued fatigue. In Oct I started to wean off Lexapro. In Nov I stopped Lexapro & also replaced Focalin with Strattera (a non-stimulant drug for ADHD). Focalin had similar side effects to Adderall, but my fatigue became debilitating when I no longer had a stimulant masking it. I think it also worsened from quitting Lexapro. I spent the next few months trying a bunch of non-stimulants for ADHD. Because my fatigue had gotten worse & I didn't realize this could be entirely explained by quitting stimulants + Lexapro, I thought my fatigue was now because of these non-stimulants. I slogged through this repeated pattern of waiting weeks for the fatigue to go away each time I "adjusted" to a drug, & then switched to another non-stimulant when it didn't. After months of unbearable fatigue (& trying pretty much every drug for ADHD anyway), I got sick of it & got off everything except Wellbutrin & Armodafinil (both of which I was prescribed for the fatigue). Quitting these drugs didn't improve the fatigue. Two days ago I restarted guanfacine at my full dose since I realized I shouldn't have quit it CT & in the past I was pretty satisfied with it. I had quit it only to see if it was causing the fatigue. Now I think my fatigue probably has little to do with the non-stimulants (although it did get worse when I went up to 80 mg Strattera). Looking back on the timing, this all started when I switched off Zoloft, & really got bad when I quit Lexapro. I think my fatigue is caused by WD from these two drugs. I've probably had Zoloft WD the whole time, initially softened by Lexapro since it functions similarly. When I quit Lexapro, the WD blew up. However, the mild visual distortions seem much more recent. I had severe visual distortions while I was quitting Qelbree, so they may be Qelbree WD. And considering that increasing Strattera did worsen my fatigue, I'm worried I may actually be juggling protracted WDs from multiple drugs. I feel like I was pushed into climbing a cliff. Now that I'm there, there's no way down. I feel lost. My memory also seems to be impaired, so it's hard to even remember how I got here. Does anybody have any advice? Right now I'm getting my cortisol rechecked & also checking for sleep apnea, but I doubt either will lead anywhere. I know SSRI WD can last for years & the idea of feeling like this for years is terrifying. Does this get better? A few other questions: Most importantly, should I reinstate Zoloft? I was thinking of reinstating at either 50 mg or asking for a lower dose with a liquid formulation. But now that I'm back on the guanfacine that would put me on 4 drugs. And it's been 8 months since I was on Zoloft. Was getting back on the guanfacine the right idea? I do feel somewhat better. Does this even sound like WD? My understanding is most people end up feeling "activated" rather than fatigued. Has anybody experienced the combo of fatigue/visual distortions/impaired memory as part of SSRI withdrawal? Are there any lifestyle changes/supplements/etc. that people with WD-related fatigue have found helpful? I know there's a few posts about lifestyle/supplements generally but for most people fatigue doesn't seem the primary symptom.

Hi I am new here. I have been tapering from 75 mg Zoloft, 1250 Depakote, and 30 mg Abilify. I know those are some heavy-duty dosages. I am ready to get off of these meds, but I do not want to go too fast (and I know I have.) Every four days I've been lowering dosages. I know it's too quick a taper and will slow down. Thanks

Hi fam- so I’ve just turned 32 after what’s seemed like a decades-long book of a psychiatric journey. At age 13 I was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. My family decided to perform an intervention to get me out of bed and into the hospital, due to not being at a place to deal with the conflict. My mother a neurologist, father an endocrinologist, and to-be-doctor sister at the time, failed to intend to resolve the issue outside of psychiatric means. So I was put on Zoloft… my first medication in a line of maybe 15+ drugs that Ive had a regimen for in my life. But I come to this forum nearly 20 years later and realize what my journey has been like, my yearning to get back to who that passionate individual was, superseding all bounds of the medicinal chaos that entrapped me for most of my life. but I’ve found good structure in my life as of late. Past all the suicidal years in my late teenage and early-to-mid 20s. I started a family, with a wonderfully empathetic wife who supports me in my journey. I had met her having gone Cold Turkey for a complete stint of two years before … more trauma. we lost our baby boy in March ‘21 during a traumatic uterine rupture. God bless him. three months after, my rage knew no bounds and I ended up striking my wife.. and I ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt… the last in the line of 6 attempts throughout life. I was then out into an IOP program, the fourth time I have participated in one so my skills were really in for polishing. I remember being the “wise” one by my peers and even the mediators themselves. All in all I picked up my toolkit, for helping in my structure in many ways. I have no regrets here. my life has become pretty stable, with the vraylar since then, along with the time old and tested Lamictal that I take to feel that so-called “mental clarity” of my 20s. I take 10mg of amphetamine to abide by the demands of working in a high-paced IT consultant gig. It does its tricks, but makes me feel like a token minority (indian, here) and like I live up to fewer merits without it. So it needs to go. Eventually. But my diagnosis of ADHD inattentive-type is pretty seriously affecting me and need to cope with it as best as I can. I rationalize this with taking the low dose and having deliberately open conversations around this and all my drugs with my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice. so I want to start with vraylar and lamotrigine subsequently. I think my bipolar diagnosis can go to hell, just like when we threw out borderline personality disorder. Hell, I’m not even feeling like I’m up to dealing with them stigmatized labels anymore like being inattentive or autistic. I just want to be free. oh yeah, smoke a bong dab a day for calming the nerves. Peace and love. Thank you kindly for reading.

Hi there, OP. You and another user wanted some solidarity with other people stuck on Seroquel, right? Let me introduce myself: Almost 38/F. Vancouver, Canada. I'm starting a taper from 50mg I.R. Seroquel next week. I've been stuck on it since July 2021, when I had a horrific reaction to LoLoestrin on the 6th day of taking it. I started having symptoms on day #3 (2x/day panic attacks!) Went to walk-in clinic on day #5 & was dismissed/told it was normal. Not for me. I've been on ~7 different b/c pills (all made me spot, and as I got older, really putrid stuff started comming out of me or I bled constantly and never stopped for 2 weeks until I gave up. So, I'm stuck with a menstrual cycle. lol.) I listened to him & kept taking the LoLoestrin. The next night, I went into Psychosis (rapid switching b/n manic laughing & weeping rapid-fire within seconds - I've always been in control of my emotions. I have the emotional regulation of a titan, humble brag.) Next morning, I went to the small local E.R. (even though my mom said nothing's wrong) & they gave me an Rx for something called Seroquel 50mg I.R. (was either that or Ativan - NO! I don't drink, so I never thought of getting drunk until my endocrine system re-balanced) & told me to get my Psychiatrist to get me off of it later. He was always on vacation (80 yrs old?), & I don't trust him whatsoever. I was finally able to get rid of him in Dec 2022. Wanted to get rid of him in Feb 2022 when things really started spiralling out of control, but nobody else avaliable. The 50mg I.R. snowballed out of control with mis Dx's, mood stabilizers, etc. I've tried to taper off of 50mg I.R. Seroquel 11x with either my own pill splitter (crumbly mess) or an in-patient industrial pill-splitter to reduce 1 of the 2 mini pills by 1/4 (12.5%). This never worked. I almost went into Psychosis 3x. I thought the birth control incident was scary enough. At no point since July 2021 in the Hospital's Mental Health & Substance Use Unit (had to get my mom to drive me many times due to withdrawal symptoms from Seroquel or other meds or the meds themselves!) or In-Patient facilities (3x w/in 6 months) did anybody mention a liquid taper. Shocking and pathetic incompetence. I learned about a liquid taper earlier this year by myself. I also learned more about Seroquel last November (h1 & d2 receptors & how the serotonin is different than the serotonin in Pristiq - ******* hell). & even more about its action on Histamine recently. & nobody since July 2021 ever plainly outright straight-up admitted that withdrawal symptoms are real. I've experienced w/d symptoms in the past. The only way I was able to get off Effexor (side-effects because I was Rx'ed way too much in 2015) was to go to Pristiq. I do well on Pristiq. My physiology can't tolerate any of the other SSRI's & SNRI's, although my Psychi always Rx'ed me too much - dangerous! The only reason I want to get off of the 50mg I.R. is because my muscles constantly jerk/twitch all over my body. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes more frequent. Sometimes less. This is a red flag and dangerous. But I've put up with it because until recently, I had no idea how I was going to try to taper again with a pill-splitter. Since learning about Histamine, I'm doing a low-histamine diet & started a couple of days ago. I do not Diet. It's not necessary for me, nor do I want to restrict. But this is a VERY special circumstance. This may help with the taper from Seroquel, since I learned from someone else on this message board about histamine from their withdrawal from Seroquel essay. (Heartbreaking.) From what I've read in your thread, you're doing quite a fast taper. I plan to do -0.25% off of the last dosage every 4 weeks minimum. Or 6 weeks? & Holding for ever how long. & then going again. Hold however many times my physiology requires. It's not up to me. It's up to my individual nervous system. I'm a non-smoker, non-drinker, and never done weed before. I drink plenty of water & plenty of fibre. I'm sure the other meds I'm on will help at least a little bit with the taper. & I've read that you need to do smaller decreases as time goes by. So, it'll eventually have to be a 0.075% decrease. & then 0.05%. & then 0.025%. I'm not even sure if my syringe for the liquid solution will work. Since I've been on the two 25mg pills for so long, I'm pretty sure I'll have to use 1 of the 25mg pills plus two 1/4 pills (12.5mg total) and then the rest liquid. I've been stuck on this ******* Anti-Psychotic for 2.75 years. If I knew it was an anti-psychotic and how complex it is, I would've taken the ******* Ativan. If it takes 5 years to fully get off of this bullsh*t, I have no choice. I already have partial insomnia for a long time now because of the Pristiq - even with the Seroquel (I'm usually up in the middle of the night tranquilized. I cannot work anymore due to this. It's too exhausting to fight it.) So, I don't want to make it worse by doing a fast taper. I'm going down until the mg where my muscles are no longer tranquilized & the twitching stops. I do not consent to my body moving without my permission, nor do I consent to being tranquilized and unable to move until mid-day next day or rarely the whole day until I take it again at 8pm. Sometimes the tranquilzing wears off a few hrs after I wake up. The tranquilizing decreased when 50mg X.R. Seroquel was added in Nov 2022 because I was withdrawing so severely from a few things at once - dangerous! People really have no idea what they're doing out there. My boyfriend has been right the whole time. I do not have BiPolar #2. I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder. I do not have 'Cluster B'. The reason he likes me is BECAUSE I'm bland, boring, average, emotionally stable, and can regulate my emotions. ie: I'm an incredibly easy partner. I come from a relatively good family. No drinking, no drugs, no domestic violence, no history of "mental illness", etc. So I'm starting to experiment with the low-histamine diet (especially with my dinner & before-bed snack) to see if it helps with the tranquilizing the next day. In July 2021, I went from my trusty 100mg Pristiq ($2/day) -> 5 medications + now 150mg Pristiq ($3/day); I think 9 pills per day. I've been emotionally violated, gas-lit, and dismissed repeatedly in these past ~2.75 years. This is by far the worst thing that's ever happened to me and will ever happen to me. Psychiatric Medication Withdrawal is worse than anything on this whole entire god-forsaken planet. I'm extremely over-medicated, but this myoclonus is downright dangerous. I was extremely hot as well until fairly recently. My long-term boyfriend had to have multiple blankets on during the summer with the A/C full-blast on me. I've been emotionally labile as well. Especially during the summer when the heat was messing with the 2 Seroquels and the SNRI. The Lamictal, Gabapentin, & Seroquel X.R. weren't enough to combat that. Sorry for hi-jacking your thread. I should make my own and make a signature for myself. Anyway. OP, take a looksee: https://reversepsychiatry.org/ https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pw4tjImAJ92OIVyRvZoZYjqxiKMk7wvp-ljiIi1olRo/edit#gid=246292188 https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/special-tips-calculations-and-liquids https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/taper/doing-calculations-taper#taper-schedule-2-daily-microtaper https://www.willhall.net/files/ComingOffPsychDrugsHarmReductGuide2Edonline.pdf Specific for Histamine/Seroquel: https://rxisk.org/guide-stopping-antidepressants/#Prominent_withdrawal_symptoms https://beyondmeds.com/2012/12/04/psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/ Thanks

I am writing this as an addendum to My Story which details what ADs did to my life and discusses to a degree how I got my life back. However, I am writing this to elaborate on what certain problems where posed both physically and logistically after I stopped taking medications. Please keep in mind that I went COLD TURKEY and did not taper, which differentiates me from many people on here; also my story took place over 10 years ago, so my memory is not is 100% clear which means it is hard for me to apply a quantitative number to aspects of my physical recovery. In 2002 I quit cold turkey from a drug cocktail that included an Antidepressant (Celexa), an Antipsychotic (Zyprexa), an Anticonvulsant (Depakote), a Benzo (Ativan), a Z-Drug (Ambien) and a prescription diet pill (Phenteramine – given to me by my pdoc to lose the 60 pounds of weight I gained from the other weight gaining medications). The physical ramifications of quitting cold turkey where hard core, and lasted to the best of my recollection in hard core form for six months. These were: insomnia, exhaustion, akathesia, flu-like symptoms, headaches, nausea and vomiting, total loss of appetite and over-sensitivity to certain substances. There were also mental symptoms: overwhelming memories, mania, depression, over-emotional reactions to certain situations (e.g. crying or extreme anger) and PTSD from the whole ordeal. It is important to note that many of these symptoms continued to linger in a much lesser form for several years. I know that many of you would like a firm number of how long I suffered, but I cannot put a number on it because I started my recovery in 2002 – 10 years ago. This is further complicated by the fact that to get through the exhaustion from WD, I smoked cigarettes anywhere from one to one and a half packs for many years after. Since smoking can mimic some of the symptoms of WD (loss of appetite, headaches, mania, anger) it is hard to delineate what was what. However, I do believe that smoking provided mental focus that I would not have had otherwise. I finally quit smoking in 2007, five years after stopping meds. It was an odd thing, I just stopped one day and no longer wanted to smoke anymore. Maybe this was a sign of my recovery, but it may also have been a reaction to the fact that because of NY laws and my husband, if I needed to smoke I had to go outside. Smoking outside in the rain or cold was getting stupid. I do believe that part of this was a sign of final recovery – I didn’t need to mask symptoms anymore. So if this is true, and I had to put a number on it – I would say I battled with minor symptoms and PTSD for five years So what problems was I left with after drugs had stolen my life? And how did I regain control? Here is a list: Weight Gain A ruined job history A ruined credit history from filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Over $20K in debt to the IRS plus two tax liens PTSD Estrangement from my family I was fully aware of the PTSD, and would think on occasion of reaching out to a therapist. However, because the whole ordeal left me extremely suspicious of the whole field of mental health, I declined to reach out to anyone. So based on this list, I will try to tackle how I recovered in each area: 1) Weight Gain: I lost my appetite during WD and I also became a huge walker. In one year I lost sixty pounds with little effort. I did eat, but I ate very small meals, 200 kcal 3-5 times a day, mostly high protein and I ate an apple a day and I drank a TON of herbal tea. 2) A ruined job history: I had been fired from three high paying jobs, all in IT. I had no references, a job gap of four years, but I had good computer and office skills so I reached out to temporary agencies. I worked as a temp for many years, in the NY/NJ area only taking jobs at Fortune 500 companies. I built up my resume this way. Today, I list those jobs as “contract” and I explain that I liked the flexibility of “contract work” and that I was in the process of getting married and building a home with my husband, no one questions it. 3) A ruined credit history: I got a copy of all three of my credit reports and joined a credit law forum. I found that there were many examples where creditors where breaking either or both the FCRA or FDCPA laws on my credit report. I also hired an attorney. The attorney got 50% of it cleared up, I got the other 50% cleared up myself by tenacious letter writing and disputing with the Credit Bureaus. The forum I used had a great database of creditors who gave people with Bankruptcy on their reports a card with a small credit line; I applied to all of these and rebuilt my credit this way. When I married my husband in 2005, he added me as an authorized user to his accounts, giving me a longer and stronger credit history. 4) Tax Debt and Liens: After hiding from the IRS for several years, I contacted them and got on an installment plan. Because I was not working at the time I called them, my payment amount was on $185 for $20K+ in debt. I paid it faithfully for years; in October 2011 I was paid in full. Because the IRS has a law that you cannot pay more than 25% in interest and penalties of the actual tax debt, a good $10K got knocked off the total bill. But I still had two tax liens on my credit report. I did some research and found out about a service called the Tax Advocate service which is run through the IRS. I contacted my local Tax Advocate. For the sake of brevity, I will not go into the details of how I argued my case to get two tax liens released, but I did and in 2005 poof they were gone from my life and my credit report. If anyone needs more info, I would be happy to answer questions later in this post. 5) PSTD: I just endured this, but chose to embrace anger over victimhood. I was one extremely angry person for many years and I ruminated and had nightmares for years. I often thought about writing the SHRINK who did this to me, but refrained. One thing that I learned from this whole ordeal was to trust in my instincts which was empowering and allowed me to pick and chose my relationships with people and situations that were good for me. I let go of many friends who were not healthy for me. 6) Estrangement from my family: In 2003 I was estranged from my entire family (father, mother and brother). Today I am by choice still estranged from by father and brother. This is because I realize it is futile to ever expect them to change and to stay in relationship with them will only hurt me. I have however, repaired my relationship with my mother. I am extremely happy to share that six months ago I convinced her to move from Illinois to New York and reclaim her life. She tapered off multiple pmeds herself around 2007 and was left with two medical conditions diabetes and downbeat nystagmus from taking lithium and depakote for many years. She lived alone, my brother who lived close by was not helping her, and she was not getting the proper medical attention so she agreed with me. Today she lives 2 miles away from me, we are extremely close and I have helped her get her life back. My husband and she adore each other. So that is how I put the pieces of my life back after being devastated by polypharmacy. And I joined this forum because I think it is important that people know that taking these medications can be extremely harmful on so many levels. I hope this information helps someone out there. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. I wish all of you the best and trust that if I could restore my life which was utterly devastated by psychiatry, you can too.

Aria's recovery from poly drugs. I had no idea when I walked into a psychiatrist's office 25 yrs ago the horrible labyrinth I'd entered. Slam dunked at a point in my life when I was feeling low and the loss of future possibilities taken away. Being told I was mentally ill, would never function again, needed to be on disability and poly drugged for the rest of my life repeatedly took it's toll. All this impacted my relationships with family, friends and enjoying life. The pdoc constantly added new psych drugs, changed doses and took me off the old drugs at an alarming rate. I became a morbidly obese woman who mumbled or talked rapidly and it was obvious to everyone but the pdoc I was totally messed up on something. I had Seroquel Induced Acute Pancreatitis that landed me in the hospital for quite awhile and my pdoc put in my open med chart I was crazy. I didn't know this till later but ill as I was I did notice some of my physicians were treating me oddly. One good thing about being so ill was I referred to a neurologist for chronic pain and found out my problem was profound drug induced Akathsia. This neurologist actually screamed at me, these psych drugs are killing you, they're killing you. I knew I had to get off these drugs not matter what it took and reclaim my life. At my next appointment I asked my psychiatrist why he was drugging me like this and he looked directly at me (probably for the first time in years he saw "me"). He started sobbing, loudly sobbing, "Oh God what have I done to you", over and over. I'm sitting there thinking oh crap, I don't need this. Our 15 minute med check was up and this guy calmly goes to the front desk to get the next patient and proceeds without any other fanfare. He's robot. A robot. All this in itself was mind boggling. Hell, closure?? No way. I found out I had Tardive Dyskinesia and a few other psych drug induced issues. My face was a road map with twitches and jerking that yelled hey, I'm on massive psychiatric drugs. Will my face be like this forever?? The TD has mostly gone away and I'm so grateful (the pdoc adamantly said I did not have Tardive Dyskinesia from psych drugs). Well, guess what?? The psychiatrist was wrong...horribly wrong. Other doctors, psychiatrist, therapists said you're not mentally ill and never had been. The sad but very scarey part is I'm labeled as profoundly mentally ill and that info is in my medical charts. One pdoc did this...one. I've gone through the gambit of emotions dealing with this. I will probably always be mad at this jerk for what he did to me and for what he still does to others. It affected years of my life and he was wrong. I'm a Success Story because I'm psych drug free and have been for several years. My journey was extremely difficult and I did it on my own hit or miss tapering off numerous psychiatric drugs. I endured drug withdrawals that paralyzed me month after month. Was it worth the hell of tapering? Yes, very much yes. My reward was my clarity of mind, my passions for life returned and I have hopes for my future. I mended fences with family and have made new friends. I strive everyday to be productive. I'm me but a different me because no one could go through all this and not be changed by it. (for more in-depth conversations about my struggles, coping and self awareness with surviving psychiatry please visit my ongoing thread Aria's Psych Journey http://survivinganti...psych-journey/)

Hello, Wow where do I begin? I was polydrugged. I've been off and on ALL KINDS of psych meds the last 20 years, Paxil being the longest (about 10 years.) I tapered the Paxil back in late 2018. It was only a 6 week taper untill I was completely off (I know not good too quick!) I had 2 good months then stuff started to hit the fan in early 2019. Other stressful factors were happening in my life too along with getting diagnosed with a chronic physical illness which we actually thought was the sole cause of my pain and mental state...still very could be but no treatment is working after 2.5 years. I had a friend tell me this could very well be Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome. The symptoms only get worse, occasional flu like symptoms, body aches, headaches , debilitating chronic fatigue, chills, sweats, burning skin, fast heart rate (tachy). My mental symptoms are their own kind if hell...OCD, bouts of extreme worry and fear, anxiety, rage, feels bipolar-like at times. Is this PWS? My quality of life has diminished greatly in these 2.5 years. I see no hope for a cure or a happy content life. I am so frightened and angry. Covid hasn't helped either obviously. What gives? Who has been in this situation or knows someone similar? Thanks guys.

I can relate to so much that has been written here about antidepressants. I developed tardive dysphoria after being on them for 25 years. I am now virtually off antidepressants but still suffer terribly because of the tardive dysphoria. I feel suicidally depressed, anxious,worried and restless every day. I struggle to get out of bed and to get washed and dressed. Everything seems like an impossible task. I have been like this for over 2 years and despair that I will feel better. It took me about 18 months to taper off Sertraline. Does anyone else have experience with tardive dysphoria? Will I ever recover?

First time. Sorry if im not doing this right. So all the drugs ive been prescribed over the years have been for insomnia or for restless legs caused by the antidepressants given to me for insomnia. About a year ago i did a sleep study and was told i have mild sleep apnea and that it could be causing my insomnia. Unfortunately i haven’t been able to sleep with cpap machine. Since the sleep study ive lost 25lbs. After i lost the first 15 my sleep started to get a little better so i started tapering Amitriptyline. From Januaury-late June 2023 I tapered from 50mg down to 10mg just by eye balling it and cutting off gradually bigger pieces. I felt it everytime i cut back further. After 2-3 days i get very irritable, then some flu like symptoms and after about a week the anxiety kicks in. The lower i get the longer it lasts. My last successful taper was last June. I went from taking 12.5mg(half of a 25mg tablet) down to a 10mg tablet. After about a week i had severe anxiety. Its a horrible anxiety that i can feel physically in my upper stomach lower chest area. It took about 2 weeks before it started to go away. Since i got down to 10mg ive tried to go lower 3 times but had to go back to 10mg because i dont seem to be recovering. Ive also been struggling with insomnia ever since I hit 10mg. Before I hit 10mg i was able to taper without it affecting my sleep. When i got to 10mg i bought a scale to help taper more accurately. This is where i ran into trouble. The pills i take are 10mg tablets with a pink coating on it. But they weigh anywhere from 61mg up to 67mg. I Dont know if its the coating thats off or the medicine. After my 1st attempt to taper down from 10mg i wasnt recovering so after 1 month i went back to 10mg. I wasnt sure if it was the medicine thats off in the pills so for a couple weeks i took only pills that weighed between 63-64mg and i leveled out. I did the same thing the 2nd time around but it took about 3 weeks. But this last time ive been just mixing it up taking pills of all different weights 61-67mg. Its been 5 weeks today and although my symptoms have improved im still have a little bit of that sick anxiety feeling off and on threw out the day and trouble sleeping. I dont know if its just taking longer to level out cause of some sort of kindling effect or if its because the medicine is off in these pills. Was wondering if anyone had insight on this. I decided i wont be using the scale in the future since the weight of the pills off by as much as 10%. I bought a medicine bottle, some oral syringe adapters and a 10ml oral syringe. My plan is to use 100ml of water so that every 10ml equals 1 mg. Im just waiting to feel 100% before moving forward. Im very nervous about switching to a liquid. Just looking for advice and support. Again if anyone has any insight as to why i havent leveled out all the way after 5 weeks i would appreciate it. Thank You.

Hi , I was on Prozac 10 mg for about 25 years for mild anxiety. In 2018 decided to get off. My dr prescribed the liquid version and I titrated down 1/5 of a mg every 2 to 4 weeks. When I got down to 4.25 mg all hell broke loose, I got severely depressed and tired and drained but didn’t know about or understand withdrawals and what was happening to me . So I went to dr and he put me back on original dose of 10mg which made things worse after 5 days being on it he then switched me to trintellix which I took for 1 week with no relief . I was so depressed that I ended up in pysc ward for 2 weeks at which they took me off of trintellix and put me back on Prozac 10mg and 2 days later upped it to 20mg. Now I was not only severely depressed but felt extremely over medicated and tired and drained so they added ability 2mg to my Prozac. By this time I couldn’t function so they lowered my Prozac back to 10 and released me. After approximately 3weeks being on Prozac and ability I wasn’t any better and was extremely dizzy so my pysc took me off of ability and added 75 mg Wellbutrin which made me physically I’ll after 2 weeks I was switched to 25 mg pamelor with 10 mg Prozac. I stayed on that for 3 months but felt like a zombie so I was taken off of pamelor and stayed on Prozac 10mg for 8 weeks but couldn’t function so I was put on 20mg Prozac for another 8 weeks and couldn’t function. I was then put on 30mg Prozac and was a zombie. I switched pysc and I am now on pristiq (originally 25 mg) was too strong. I told my dr NO MORE! I want off of medications! So she tapered me from 25mg to 20 mg which I was pressured to taper down again after 4 months to now 18 mg which I have been on for 3 months. I am extremely horribly depressed and tired and drained and can’t function all day but miraculously it lifts around 4pm every evening, does anyone experience this phenomenon, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t get these windows every evening , it’s been 2 years since I stabilized, will I ever? Need encouragement please 😞

Hi everybody, I am writing this post on behalf of my wife. Due to some possible withdrawal symptoms such as blurred vision and intense fatigue/drowsiness, my wife is currently unable to post herself. My wife was admitted to hospital in Jan 2023 for her first psychotic episode. During her stay in hospital, she took four anti-psychotic drugs (Olanzapine, Blonanserin, Haplodil Injection, Quetiapine) and three Benzodiazepines (Clonazepam, Brotizolam, Nitrazepam). A mix of up to seven psychotropic drugs kept my wife in bed all day. The psychiatrist here masks the side effects of antipsychotics such as Akathisia, Restless Legs and Drug-induced Parkinsonism by over-sedating and drowsiness. When she was discharged in February, she continued to take 10mg Olanzapine, 2mg Biperiden* as well as two Benzodiazepines (1mg Clonazepam and 0.25mg Brotizolam**). I found this forum because I am doing my best to help my wife get off (or reduce as much as possible) the psychotropic drugs she is currently taking. I cannot trust the Japanese psychiatrists who are so keen to use multiple benzodiazepines at the same time, and it is desperate that these drugs are even used just to prevent insomnia even though my wife doesn't have it. Since being discharged from hospital in Feb 22, we have been tapering the dose of Brotizolam and Clonazepam out of fear of using multiple benzodiazepines at the same time. We would like to stop the Brotizolam but keep the low dose of Clonazepam and wait for the status to stabilize before starting the Olanzapine taper. From March to April this year, the dose of Brotizolam was reduced from 0.25mg to 0.0625mg, the dose of Clonazepam was reduced from 1mg to 0.5mg and Olanzapine was always 10mg. On April 21, my wife's daily medication and supplements were as follows: 10:00 Vit C 250mg, Vit B-Complex***, Ginkgo biloba 60mg 13:00 Vit C 250mg, Vit B-Complex, Ginkgo biloba 60mg 18:30 Biperiden 1mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg, Vit E 400IU, Omega-3 1000mg 20:00 Olanzapine 10mg, Brotizolam 0.0625mg At that time, she was in a more stable state and although she had some symptoms of side effects of the medication, such as blurred vision, lack of concentration and poor short-term memory, they were all at an acceptable level and she was able to do simple light exercise every day. However, after this she experienced problems. From April 22 my wife stopped taking Brotizolam and reduced the dose of Biperiden from 1mg to 0.5mg on April 28. From April 28 till now, my wife's daily medication and supplements were as follows: 10:00 Vit C 250mg, Vit B-Complex, Ginkgo biloba 60mg 13:00 Vit C 250mg, Vit B-Complex, Ginkgo biloba 60mg 18:30 Biperiden 0.5mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg, Vit E 400IU, Omega-3 1000mg 20:00 Olanzapine 10mg Those days, April 24-30, were supposed to be her best days since her discharge from hospital. However, the situation began to turn bad on May 2 when she started to become extremely fatigued and drowsy. She goes to bed at 20:00 and struggles to get up at 10:00. Even after 13-14 hours of sleep she still felt tired, had no interest or motivation to do anything even talk to our children, and wanted to lie down during the day except to eat even though she could not fall asleep. It is usually at 17:00 that her energy returns a little and she gets up for dinner. She did not have insomnia at night but would have vivid dreams could describe the details of them when she woke up, sleep did not seem to give her brain any real rest. Although I kept holding her hands and hugging her to comfort her as much as possible, she felt overwhelmed with failure and powerlessness, she became very depressed and felt like a wreck, she was worried that her state would not improve and she was worried that she would not be able to return to work in 1 month (her sick leave was due to end in a month). This state of extreme fatigue continues to this day and the only good news is that apart from the fatigue she does not seem to have any other new noticeable withdrawal symptoms. Biperiden does not seem to have serious withdrawal symptoms (correct me if I'm wrong), it is anticholinergic medication that works to alleviate the Drug-induced Parkinsonism caused by Olanzapine, which were barely felt on the previous few dose reductions. Personally, we tend to think that it is mainly the withdrawal of Brotizolam that causes the intense fatigue, and that several Brotizolam reductions at the end of March similarly caused fatigue(slightly lighter than now), but it goes away after 2 days. Current questions: 1. Should I keep the status and be patient and wait for the withdrawal symptoms to go away? Still have 1 month of sick leave left. 2. Today is day 13 after Brotizolam withdrawal and day 4 of intense fatigue/drowsiness. If after 1 week there is still no improvement in status, should the dose of Brotizolam be resumed to 0.0625mg? or is it better to be resumed now? 3. Are there ways to reduce vivid dreams and improve the quality of sleep? 4. If Brotizolam is not resumed, what non-pharmacological methods are available to alleviate withdrawal symptom? I have searched and read some of the posts in the forum but they seem to be mainly for insomnia and anxiety, are there any methods and suggestions for fatigue relief? I wish I had found this place earlier, after reading some of the posts I realized that the Brotizolam was being tapered too quickly and that this was causing my wife's withdrawal symptoms. But it's all happened and it's no use regretting it and hopefully I can get some advice and help here to get things back on track from now on. A little help and advice would be great. Thank you for your help in advance! --------------------------- *Biperiden, sold under the brand name Akineton among others, is a medication used to treat Parkinson disease and certain drug-induced movement disorders. It is not recommended for tardive dyskinesias. Common side effects include blurred vision, dry mouth, sleepiness, constipation, and confusion. It should not be used in people with a bowel obstruction or glaucoma. Biperiden is in the anticholinergic family of medication. (From Wiki https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biperiden) **Brotizolam, (marketed under brand name Lendormin) is a sedative-hypnotic thienotriazolodiazepine drug which is a benzodiazepine analog. It possesses anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, hypnotic, sedative and skeletal muscle relaxant properties, and is considered to be similar in effect to other short-acting hypnotic benzodiazepines such as triazolam or midazolam. It is used in the short-term treatment of severe insomnia. Brotizolam is a highly potent and short-acting hypnotic, with a typical dose ranging from 0.125 to 0.25 milligrams, which is rapidly eliminated with an average half-life of 4.4 hours (range 3.6–7.9 hours). (From Wiki https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brotizolam) ***Vit B-Complex = B1 20mg, B2 15 mg, B6 15 mg, B12 10mcg, Niacin 20mg, Pantothenic Acid 20mg, Biotin 25mcg, Folate 100mcg, Inositol 25mg

Hello fellow travelers, I am a recovering user of many psychotropic prescriptions (which I at first thought were good for me). After finally being able to taper off and learning much more, I've revised my thinking a bit: about the drugs, about the doctors, about the medical profession in general and about what I can reasonably be certain is healthy. I've got pretty decent working knowledge of psychotropics now, but still have much to learn. I have read the Ashton Manual, a few scholarly articles by people like Guy Chouinard, and have some experience helping people with withdrawal and post-withdrawal. I also have a bit of an interest in general medicine. Drugs taken include: Remeron, Effexor, Clonazepam, Triazolam, Escitalopram, too much Olanzapine and a few other compounds with varying levels of harm. I am now around two years post-withdrawal of Clonazepam, having begun my odyssey taking amitryptaline for sleep, and am still recovering from extreme insomnia, gastro problems and general fatigue. I can't really say it was worth it, but you live and you learn.

Iv been on lorazepam from last nov til this March ..for sleep.. a private dr gave this! When he never should of..I did not know it should not be given, I reinstated it for a month as I came off it for a week and tapered off it for that one week, and experienced terrible withdrawals when I went back on it, I was taking 1mg to 2 mg… I tried switching to diazepam for 5 weeks 10mg to 3.5mg became suicidal, I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days given quetiapine once and diazepam 5 mg once …I became totally unstable after this with rocking sensations and I could not sleep and my tinnitus got so bad ! I stopped putting anything in my body…. And became totally suicidal was eratic! pacing and having no sleep, I lost a lot of weight. And my anxiety became depersonalisation and I separated from my body! I ended up not being able to eat of drink and loosing control of my bowels, I was put into another mental hospital put on risperidone at 6mg I was in a constant physcosis in the mental hospital in so much pain, praying to god! I was in there on 2 weeks I was let out and stopped for 5 days, I started it again on 3mg and became very unwell for 10 days I started loosing control of my bowels and in a lot of pain, all over my body, feeling of burning, all over my body, I became eratic and went into another mental hospital and put on quetiapine at 400mg and mitazipine at 30mg for 2months I’m in a lot of pain and in hell !!! What do I do? I can’t feel anything ! thank you emma x

I’m A Phoenix Rising. I’m a 50 year old mother of 6 and I’ve been on psychiatric drugs for the last 30 years. It all started with Zoloft for depression and GAD. I now have 4 or 5 psychiatric diagnoses and about 5 other diagnoses as a result of my psych meds, which introduced even more drugs to my stash, multiple hospital stays and 3 years of ECT. They have destroyed my memory, made me numb and compliant, given me peripheral neuropathy, idiopathic hypersomnia, and ADHD-like characteristics. Not to mention the compulsions I have developed and desperately need to shake, weight gain, metabolic changes, and amotivational syndrome. These drugs, and psychiatrists, nearly destroyed my family so many times and came way too close to ending my life. The almost humorous thing is, up until Aug. of 2023, I was completely in the dark about the side effects and withdrawal from these drugs. No idea! I lived through it a few times yet I had absolutely no one tell me what I was going through was normal. I thought I had completely lost it and that I was destined to live out my life this way (on meds). Looking back now I see how uncharacteristically angry I would get while on zoloft. After my mother died in 2012, while grieving, I went to see a psychiatrist who put me on an anti-psychotic(seroquel), 2 benzos (klonopin & xanax) and adderall (not yet diagnosed with ADHD). My behavior changed drastically. I had a very short affair then decided that I was ready to die. I wound up in a coma for 3 days, then they promptly shipped me to a psych hospital. On 3 separate occasions they gave me a benzo and then refused after that (their funny idea of a taper, I'm guessing). That was the beginning of my very long withdrawal of those particular drugs leading to psychosis (more diagnoses) more suicide attempts, more hospital stays and finally ECT due to being treatment resistant. Lastly, once finding out I was pregnant (in the ER) in 2019, I was told to go off all meds. I wasn’t able to be seen by an OB for 6 weeks. Once seen they put me back on Effexor XR at 150mg (I was on 300mg), then a month later increased my dose to 225mg. Being an older mom, I was being monitored closely yet they didn’t recognize the very serious withdrawal. After looking at my baby’s brain, they told me it looked like “someone put his brain in a blender”. My son had a very rough start, but over time he pulled through. He is now a very loving, active, charismatic three year old! Symptoms of withdrawal; intense anxiety when I've made a mistake. Otherwise it's nagging insomnia and almost constant irritability. ***Life hasn’t always been sour and angry despite what I’ve written here. I am stable now and feel happiness. I have hope and I’m eager to make the changes needed to live out the rest of my years drug free. -Phoenix

I want to know how to detox from all the psychiatric drugs that I took in order to make possible for my body not to need to take them anymore and to eliminate all the side effects that the psych drugs gave me. This is all the drugs that I took from psychiatrists: when I was 16 years old I took first paxil and rivotril (clonazepam) for a year and then only epival er (valproate semisodium) for a year and Then when I got 21 I took paxil and rivotril for 6 months. I changed to a 2nd psychiatrist he gave me symbyax (olanzapine and fluoxetine) I was with him for 4 months, then I went with a 3rd shrink that gave me lamictal and abilify for 6 months so then I changed with a 4th doctor which was a "neurologist" who gave me strattera for ADD and told me to go with his partner who is another psychiatrist (5th doctor) who added me sertraline, topamax (topiramate), olanzapine, lamictal, and because of the tachycardia that were produce by this drugs he added inderalici for my tachycardia. So after 7 months with this doctor I went with a 6th doctor that gave me paxil, rivotril, lithium and for my ADD he gave me methylphenidate (commercial name is tradea LP which is similar to Concerta). After 6 months with this doctor I changed to a 7th doctor that gave me sertraline in a very high dose and with this I decided to stop taking that pill a was taking but in a one day span it caused me to have a psychosis that made my father send male nurses to kidnapped and locked into a clinic (like hospitalization), in which the skrink that trated me was the one that treated me when I was 16 and he injected me haldol and gave pills more haldol, biperiden, triazolam and risperdal. I LIVED HELL WITH THESE DRUGS. Then the shrink after he saw that I recover reality, I was super depressed so he gave me citalpram but it didn't work so he gave me paxil and lithium. Then I started coming off meds and now I just take one quarter of a lithium pill every day in the morning. My actual side effects that I want to eliminate are: anxiety, very strong heart palpitaions or beats/beating that cause bad breathing and chest pain, difficulty to take decisions, nausea, extreme itching in my face, head, chest and back, buzz in the ears, difficulty to focus or concentrate, bad short-term memory, and wanting to pee all the time. Thank you very much.

Hello all, I want to first thank you for sharing your experiences and for working so hard to make this information available. It has been, in no uncertain terms, life saving to me in the last 7 months. I have done the best I can with a complex history, a poor memory and a very tired mind. I have tried to be relevant and minimal in information I worry will be upsetting or triggering to anyone.. but I do want to share as I could do with some understanding/empathy from peers while I navigate these scary waters. I do have a support but I find myself justifying/explaining a lot more than I feel understood. It will also help if questions do arise or to enable me to join in discussions. So here goes.. Medications Fluoxetine 2008 from GP due to depression and anorexia (age 18) Duloxetine 2009 from psychiatrist- risk to my heart due to purging so was discontinued abruptly by another psychiatrist when I was admitted to an inpatient facility that year. Diagnosed with anorexia. (I was under inpatient psychiatric “care” at different points between 2009 and 2013 for 23 months.) Pregabalin Nov 2009-June 2010. Chlorpromazine Nov 2009-June 2010. Zolpidem Nov 2009-June 2010 these three medications in addition to Mirtazapine are started in 2009 to treat anorexia and depression while under inpatient care. Discharged early due to non compliance (lost weight due to being kicked out of family home). I highlight this as it is relevant to a cycle of being medicated and held it contempt from medical professionals for my trauma responses and existential crises born of these issues which (what a shock) have not gone away with medication. Lorazepam(PRN)1mg Nov 2009-Oct 2012. Quetiapine150mg Aug-Sept 2010 +75mg May 2012. Olanzapine 2010-2011. Zolpiclone7.5mg 2010-2014. Various medications tried while inpatient again for 10 months from Sept 2010. No therapy offered just lots of medication and stuck on a ward, memory is bad of this time understandably but I remember nearly going blind from uveitis in both eyes at one point. Difficult to know what medication was causing versus severe malnutrition and wilful self neglect. Was voluntarily held but under threat that if I left “xyz would happen”. Was discharged 2011 to outpatient treatment. Started Citalopram 2012. Caused severe insomnia, agitation, anxiety. Ended up being hospitalised when I became at risk to myself from lack of sleep or relief from my skin crawling. It went on for so long as my psychiatric nurse would not take me seriously because I was managing to not lose any weight during this ordeal. I complained about this once I felt stronger. I was put then on a cocktail of Mirtazapine, Trazodone and Zolpiclone which eventually got me back into a rhythm of sleep. I began hallucinating at night and eating in my sleep more regularly and I needed 10 hours sleep minimum or I would be an absolute zombie. All of this starting and continuing from 2012 until I stopped trazodone in 2016. In 2012 I was also diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder which was never discussed with me but went on my file permanently. I later found this out by accident in 2017. Hospitalised for eating disorder treatment again in 2012 for 5 months. Trazodone 2012-2016. See new psychiatrist in 2016 who agrees to remove trazodone. I have a poor memory of this time particularly due to more familial breakdowns and trauma. Start lamotragine in addition to the Mirtazapine 45mg which I have been takin for 7 years now. Lamotrigine 2016-2017. I moved to a new town and therefore a new psychiatric team soon after this and had a major relapse and felt completely hopeless and suicidal for over a year (2017-2018). I was told about the EUPD diagnoses, the symptoms of which I could relate to but it did make me feel like I was stuck feeling suicidal for the rest of my life and ‘needed’ to be medicated permanently as a solution, but at least it was reason for why I was ‘this way’. Started Venlafaxine 2017. Gave me terrible side effects especially of sweating, nightmares and a resting heart rate of 128bpm. I already had a resting heart rate of 110bpm and expressed my concerns when the psychiatrist insisted on increasing the dose and later claimed I asked him to increase it. His word against mine, and my word meant nothing. Got a new psychiatrist and he started me on Lithium in addition to the mirtazapine and kept in a small dose of aripiprozole as I had experienced mania on a higher dose the weeks prior. I felt so unwell going on to Lithium and I also experienced a lot if not all of the classic side effects and gained 10kg/22lbs in the first year which really hindered my well managed eating disorder progress and triggered me into a severe binge/ restrict cycle. Even on the cocktail below I continued to experience daily suicidal ideation, existential dread (since age 8), agoraphobia (since the age of 13), anxiety, depression.. on the list goes. In August 2020 I came to fully understand and was able educate myself about trauma and how this was affecting me, how I could change it and how, for me, medication had nothing to do how I could heal my trauma responses, if anything I saw how medication was actually tied up in my trauma. If I can have daily, even hourly, flashbacks and suicidal thoughts on this cocktail of meds, I thought, then what is the point of taking it all.. thus began my journey of being psychiatric medication free. My diagnosis was officially changed to Complex PTSD. Aripiprozole 2.5mg Sept 2017- Oct 2020 (tapered 0.5 weekly). Zolpiclone7.5mg 2017-CT Aug 2020. Propranolol40mg May 2019-CT Aug 2020. Buspirone August 2019-CT Aug 2020. Lithium(Priadel)800mg Dec 2017-July 2021 (tapered 200mg each month). Mirtazapine45mg Nov 2009-April 2022 (tapered 3 weeks-30mg then 15mg then 15mg every other day 10 days then stop 18th April 2022). Diazepam5mg(PRN)2011-May 2022. Feels relevant to note that I now only take Paracetamol regularly (but as needed). Also, 1 x 30mg dose of Codeine (no more than twice a week) and 600mg of Aspirin (1-2 times a month if headache or locked jaw has lasted several days). I also use Peptac. I do not drink alcohol (since 2012- always made me feel so ill and tastes like poison) or caffeine (since 2021). I do smoke cannabis daily but no cigarettes/nicotine (Quit CT Sept 2021). Also from Jan 2021-April 2022 I experienced about 11 infections, colds, flu, tonsillitis (with no tonsils no less), vomiting bug, stomach pains/reflux along with Severe sinus problems and throat ulcers which I had for almost all that time. It is what pushed me to stop smoking cigarettes once and for all out of desperation. I only drink water, rooibos tea and the homemade almond milk I make. I try hard to eat healthy but managing my eating disorder is also a huge priority so I have to strike a balance, I also am really struggling to stomach anything so I have to eat what I can physically get down too. I am mindful of low histamine and also in my case, low acid diets. I had no idea about withdrawal. I had only even taken in and heard the words serotonin syndrome in 2017. My head is no longer buried in the sand, I take full responsibility for my wellbeing and what I choose to accept as a form a treatment going forward and forgive myself for all I had to do to get here. I am suffering the consequences of my own ignorance but I will not continue to suffer as a consequence of other’s ignorance. However I got here, I am here now and I owe it to myself to keep working through all of this so I can find out if there is a life out there for me yet, more importantly, a life I want to live. This website (where I have quietly lurked for 7 months) has enabled me to keep going but most importantly enabled me to advocate for myself. I have, as a result, an incredibly helpful and supportive GP who sees me every 3 weeks (this is both indescribably helpful for the WD but, mostly, in healing my medical trauma - i have not gone into detail but what I have experienced has truly broken my ability to trust any Drs at this point). My focal point for healing complex trauma is not really different than this journey, nervous system healing all the way. I am so lonely though and afraid that this is it for me, that I need accept that my life will be inside 4 walls forever, that I will think not being here is the better option no matter how hard I work to show myself otherwise.. how can I truly show myself that life is worth living when I live the same day or week over and over again. I owe it to myself to find out. I can’t have come this far only to give up now and not know what comes next for me. Surely if I have gotten through these 32 years of life so far I can endure what comes next? Im so afraid I’m spoiled now, ruined and defective. That I can never be healed. I have to tell myself that isn’t true, surely natural selection would have had me by now if I didn’t have the capacity to heal the damage that has been done. The last thing I want to say is that I am totally open to being educated about cannabis and its effects on withdrawal or the nervous system but quite honestly it is the only unhealthy coping mechanism I have left, after pairing all others down, while I overcome my trauma. I am fully aware it is not ideal and for me, telling myseld I can’t or shouldn’t just wont work. Education and understanding could work. Understanding completely the consequences and effects I think can help me make a conscious and informed choice rather than a self judgmental one (which in my experience never helps me abstain, if anything quite the opposite). Thanks for reading if you made it this far.. Below is a full list of the symptoms I am experiencing. The do fluctuate and I do get windows but only enough to keep up with the house and my self care. I am still housebound, isolated, agoraphobic, unable to drive and feel so unbearably dependent. Headaches (Daily Headaches, Pain at base of skull, Scalp pain, Jaw pain/tightness/clicking, Sensitive to sunlight, Eye soreness/heaviness, Shooting pain in temple) Muscular and Joint issues (Pain in Jaw and Face/Scalp/Base of skull/Neck/Shoulders/Ribs/Lower Back/Hips, Jaw Locking, Muscles ‘burn’ with minimal use (ie stairs/brushing teeth), Joints stiff and click, Whole body aches next day from very minimal activity/stress or no reason at all, Difficulty keeping muscles relaxed, Restless Legs, Shaking/Trembling, Feeling of weakness) Exhaustion and Sleep issues (Fatigue, Extreme sleepiness/yawning, Difficulty falling/staying asleep, Vivid dreams) Stomach issues (Nausea, Lack of Appetite, Hunger pain, Pain under (mostly left) ribs, Stomach cramps, Diarrhoea) Temperature Control issues (Goosebumps, Chills, Hot Flushes, Sweating, Prickling/Itchy Skin) Cognitive (Forgetful, Lack of Concentration, Brain Fog, Feeling Detached/Dizzy, Crying Spells) Sinus/Oral issues (Runny Nose, Tongue and Throat Ulcers, Dry Mouth, Sore Throat, Cramps in Throat, Tinnitus, Earache) Miscellaneous (Eczema on soles of feet and hands, Itchy bites that disappear after a few hours, Bruising more easily and taking long time to go)

Hi, I’m 70 and have had depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I weaned myself off Valium in my thirties successfully. I was prescribed Citalapram 20mg 15 years ago and it works for me. In the past twelve months my mobility has not been good and I have struggled badly with depression as I have the motivation but my body says “no”. My family had to intervene to get me some help and I was prescribed Mirtazapine which helped me through a bad patch. I now would like to come off Mirtazapine as I feel tired all the time. My doctor is aware of this and told me to do it gradually, which is sensible. I’ve been checked for everything to explain my tiredness and everything is fine, so my next step is to look at the meds I take. Thank you for reading this and any advice on coming off the Mirtazapine would be gratefully received.

Hi everyone, I've been a long time recipient of the psychiatric system since I believe 2008/2009. Eventually, I was labelled schizophrenic (and recently labelled "anxiety disorder"). Of course, I am very skeptical of the psychiatry paradigm. I totally forgot my medication past but I have been on Risperdal before, which is all I remember. Right now, the psych drugs I am on are 1mg Benztropine (mornings), Divalproex 500mg S,T,Th,Sat (night), Divalproex 750mg M,W,F (night), and Olanzapine 10mg daily. I used to but stopped Minoxidil. I also take Omega 3 fish oil and vitamin d3. My moods have been usually stable. I have been hospitalized in the past but been stable for at most 7 years. I do have somewhat of a problem with my sleep as I stay up late (and many times have difficulty falling asleep) many times past midnight, and get out of bed late usually 11am or even past noon. I used to run and do exercises but have stopped recently. Sometimes, I do have some anger and frustration. I want to eventually lower my dosages to the lowest possible if not completely. I was wondering which of the psychotropic medications should I lower first? Should I lower one at a time or do a combination of lowering? I read a bit about multiple drug tapering on this site. I read the Inner Compass Project site. I've visited various blogs. I also looked elsewhere. I read that benztropine is not a benzodiazepine but an anticholinergic antiparkinson agent. Is that true? I think I already messed up with my doctor. She has never had a patient who has deprescribed completely and probably wants me on the medication for life. I also have no allies in my family as they are in the medical profession, have seen me at my worst, and they probably believe that any form of psychiatry skepticism is anti-medicine/anti-science. Thanks for any constructive help, WishforBest