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Are the doctors right? Insomnia. I gave birth to my son in March 2019 and experienced terrible postpartum anxiety. My psychiatrist put me on 20mg Lexapro (escitalopram) which I commenced on the 17th June 2019. In October I saw my psychiatrist and told him I wanted to taper off Lexapro - he told me to take 15mg for one week, 10mg for one week and then 5mg for the final week (three week taper). My last pill was on the 14th November 2019 and the day after my last pill I couldn’t sleep. Ever since then I have experienced terrible insomnia. I either find it hard to fall asleep or I wake a few times per night. My psychiatrist and doctor believe that my anxiety is waking me during the night but I think the insomnia is a withdrawal symptom. What are your thoughts? And is there anything I can do to ease my insomnia? Do I need to go back on Lexapro (6 weeks without the meds) and then taper more slowly? I have had my anxiety under control but the lack of sleep is sinking me downhill again.

Dear Survivingantidepressants-community, during my recent problems with psychiatric drug withdrawal I have become an attentive reader of your forum - always regretting that I didn't come across it - or the philosophy behind it - before my whole story with withdrawal started. Please don't disregard my question on the basis that I'm not yet in a position to taper since I have been polydruged in hospital during an acute crisis. The crisis is now under control so I'm now able to evaluate my situation with a clear mind. To put it in very short terms: I have been on and of Escitalopram 5 mg for the entirety of my 20s and early 30s. It was prescribed for the usual mixture of panic/anxiety and depression. I never had a hard time with the drug and it always did what it was supposed to do so I remained in a state of total naiveté regarding the effects of abrupt discontinuation and reinstatement during the four or five times I tried to get rid of the drug. My luck turned in late 2023 when I went without the drug for 6 months (cold turkey) only to realize that I have developed a mild form of PSSD in the process of discontinuation. I tried reinstating the drug almost immediately at 2,5 mg (stupid, I know) which gave me serotonin syndrome, agitation and got me hospitalized. In hospital they put me on Lorazepam 4x a day 0.5 mg. First I refused to take any further antidepressants, but my depressive symptoms got out of hand quickly and I developed an episode of depressive psychosis which resulted in a drug cocktail including Risperidon, Quetiapine and Wellburtin. Leaving the basic facts behind I now want to describe the situation that puzzles me so much at the moment: My depressive symptoms are unlike any depression I have experienced so far. Wellburtin and Lorazepam have mellowed it but I still feel it underlying my current state. Far more than a reactive depression it feels like a neuro-depression, meaning that it is oddly detached from reality and seems to be a painful buzzing in my brain and chest. Now being polydruged I still feel the underlying agitation, non stop raised heart rate and pounding and I'm mostly only able to fall asleep with the help of said drugs. My question is the following one: Do you think that SSRI-Prolonged withdrawal syndrome could still play a role here? During the 6 months I went without the drug I didn't notice severe symptoms apart from the subtle ones of PSSD which took me months to even notice. Otherwise I'm at loss at explaining the weirdness and severity of my symptoms which persist even though I'm treated with anti-psychotics and benzos. Any help or suggestion is gratefully welcomed.

Hi - long story as short as possible (been on ADs for nearly 30 years). I am 58 and been on Anti Depressants since 1998 with only one or two short breaks in that time. Clinical depression with anxiety coming into the mix perhaps 10-15 years ago. Three major depression episodes spread over that time that required time off work, daytime hospitalisation/treatment once. Currently reasonably stable taking 5mg per day of Escitalopram and have been for a few years but anxiety still present in mornings but daily cold water swimming helps with that a lot. Medication History 1998 - tried Sertraline and Paroxatine but in the most effective was Citalopram initially at 10-20mg per day. 2009 Citalopram does slowing increased to 60mg as it was being less effective even when adding Duloxetine, risperidone and pregabalin Feb 2010 Moved on to Venlafaxine/Risperidone/Buspirone Sep 2010 Tried adding Lithium for a while but not much worked. Oct 2010 Venlafaxine (75mg increasing to 150mg and eventually 225mg), Abilify (Aripiprazole), Risperidone (1mg or 0.5mg) Nov 2010 Venlafaxine & Seroquel (quetiapine) Nov 2010 Hospitalised for day care with bad stress/depression (just for a week) Dec-Mar 2010/2011 Venlafaxine 225mg & Seroquel 25mg increasing to 50mg and then 100mg and finally 200mg of XL version (quetiapine) and Stilnoct (10mg) for sleep as required. June 2011 Venlafaxine 225mg and reduced then removed Seroquel Stable and then in Oct 2016 to Mar 2017 slow taper off of Venlafaxine (felt better and did not like side effects, profuse sweating was main one, weight gain). Occasional use of Zolpidem for sleep (only a few times a month). May 2017 - after being off Venlafaxine for a month or two anxiety was intolerable (was having therapy sessions during this time). Depression started to return so prescribed Escitalopram 5mg increasing to 10mg After about 12 days started to feel better increased Escitalopram dose to 15mg and then 20mg and June 2017 added in Lyrica (pregabalin) 75mg 3 times a day (to try to help with anxiety). Early 2023-Oct 2023 - slowish taper and stop (detail below) and then after 3 weeks of nothing horrible withdrawal so went back to 5mg per day to rethink the plan!!! Stable for last 4 or 5 years on 5mg of Escitalopram and wanted to try to come off it. Took about 6-9 months of slow reductions (Jan to Sep 2023 approx) but only by cutting 5mg tablets in half and alternating doses by day (5/2.5mg etc), then just 2.5mg and then alternate days @2.5mg etc and then nothing! I moved onto a further reduction once I felt fine on the lower dose for 3-4 weeks at least. I thought this was slow enough and with 5mg tablets the smallest we can get here in the UK there is not that much I can do to get less than 2.5mg (though happy to try to make solution). By September 2023, once I was on nothing I felt fine for about 3-4 weeks and then quite suddenly got a load of withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, confusion, palpitations, panic etc), did not want to put up with it so went back to 5mg per day of Escitalopram. That very quickly (within a day or so) made me feel better again. Having read this site, I clearly realise my taper had to be MUCH slower/smaller does at the end and the symptoms I felt once off it was withdrawal and not really depression (though they have some similarities). This week I asked my GP for liquid escitalopram so I could taper more slowly and he said he cannot prescribe it on NHS and I would have to go private (so need to see a psychiatrist etc first) or be referred to psychiatrist on NHS (which he has done but could take 6-9 months to hear back). Even though I explained I would be stuck on the medication for ever if they did not give the liquid they cannot do it as they claim it is too expensive (even though I would be taking a micro dose as they only supply 20mg per ML liquid here). My plan right now is to perhaps try to taper slowly whilst I wait for the NHS appointment hopefully later this year and then I will be ready to go really low once I have the liquid. WHAT HELP DO I NEED? Is there a way to taper Escitalopram when you can only get 5mg tablets (can I make my own solution? does cutting them in quarters work? etc) I am quite worried that even with a slow taper I could have to put up with withdrawal symptoms for many, many months and even years. Is it really worth it if I am not suffering that much being on the medication? (and considering my age @59) Is there anything else I can do to minimise withdrawal when it does hit? What else have I missed? Hope this gives enough information for someone to assist. Thanks, MrFrisbee. (PS: Signature coming right after this is posted!)

Hello everyone! I recently found this website, and suddenly my last few weeks of experience with lexapro have begun to make a lot of sense! I am so grateful for all this community does to help people dealing with the adverse effects of antidepressants and withdrawal. Here is my story. I am hoping for any insights on how to proceed. I do have a psychiatrist, but unfortunately this is not a very well understood phenomenon in the medical community. I am also struggling with self blame and worry that I will become a person who has gotten messed up irreversibly, and I know those are cognitive distortions, but any positive vibes in those departments would still be great! Backstory I’ve been on lexapro twice in my life for several years at a time for GAD, did great, had nausea upon first starting out and some irritability on tapering but overall found it quite helpful and with minimal side effects. I never cold turkeyed - both times I weaned over months if not years under medical supervision. I was also always a good sleeper: could sleep 9+ hours easy. Fast forward to this holiday season. I’m not on lexapro, stable for 6 months. Then I start getting random heart pounding throughout the morning and trouble falling asleep—every time I would try my heart pounded. Got medical workup, all good. Over the course of a week, I tried several sleep meds, including valerian root, Trazodone up to 100 mg, Benadryl and gabapentin up to 400 mg, which helped sleep minimally and only messed me up more: caused daytime anxiety or disinhibition or over tiredness. Some nights I took both trazodone and benadryl. In the end I took a 150mg dose of Benadryl in a desperate attempt to sleep. At about that time I resumed lexapro because my doc figured it was underlying anxiety causing sleep trouble, though in retrospect I don't think I was really that anxious. Kindling? Then I had weird symptoms for 2 weeks, including ongoing insomnia (troubles staying asleep), inappropriate sexual arousal that felt like a pain in my genitals, restlessness, a sense of fight or flight including trouble breathing and a sense of urgency and discomfort in your own skin, sometimes with shortness of breath and chest tightness, oftentimes after eating which I know makes very little sense, poor appetite, lots of stools though not diarrhea, random itching including itching that woke me in the middle of the night). None of the above is my regular old GAD, by the way. My usual anxiety is more mental: turning over worst case scenarios in my head and all that. I had never had any of the above symptoms before, so I chalked it up to withdrawal from my overuse of sleep meds. My doctor, too, told me that sometimes anxiety can morph into other forms, but I was skeptical, feeling like "this is chemical." I also wondered if I was histamine intolerant and started a low histamine diet, which by the way sucks, but I doubt hurts anything because I can still eat enough of a variety of foods. Most of the above symptoms evened out over 2-3 weeks except for upset stomach and fatigue whenever I ate, and I could get unbroken sleep only every other night. So my doc and I decreased lexapro to 5 mg after about a month of being on 10mg, since we thought 5 mg would be more tolerable. Taper First week into the taper, appetite declined so I have to count calories just to make sure I get enough. I itched at times but that’s a minimal issue. There were flutters of restlessness and “monkey mind” here and here and there, and a bit of genital swelling, but overall manageable. The second week sleep got worse: before I would wake and just not be able to resume sleep, but now I would wake with ragged breathing and struggle to resume sleep and be anxious about it. Before that I would just wake up and be awake. I take valerian root for sleep in tiny doses: 1/4 of the 500mg caps per night. I don’t want to take it, but worry about going back to a time when I slept 4 hours per night if that at the beginning of this journey. (Re)-Increase So then on 2/15 doc and I figured I should try a slower taper and do 7.5mg. I did that for 2 days and on day 2 (2/16) the fight or flight returned: restless, uncomfortable in my skin, a swelling sensation in my genitals. I took an extra 2.5 mg (for a total of 10 mg) and later that day felt like my skin had a sunburn for about an hour. I went down to lexapro 5 mg for a day, then back up to 7.5 mg and have been on that dose for the past 4 days. Well, sure enough the "chemical" feeling anxiety did decline and is almost gone, the skin warmth increased and then declined (I also had cold-like symptoms but not objective fever), and inappropriate arousal has also improved (except for today, when it seems worse). I also had some looser stools and the jury is still out on whether that's getting better or worse. [TL;DR] If you got this far, thank you :). My questions are as follow: -- Does it seem like I might be dealing with kindling (or re-kindling)? I'm not sure I fully understand kindling... When it occurs, does it decline? Or do medication side effects sometimes look a lot like a kindling phenomenon? -- re: kindling: if I kindled myself as I backtracked on my lexapro taper, what now? Is it best to hold steady, or to taper? Should I wait and see? There's been a couple days of back and forth but overall I've been on lexapro 7.5 mg for less than a week. If I taper again I will ask my doc for liquid lexapro and decrease very slowly, as I have learned from this site. TIA for reading and for any insights! Keep fighting the good fight.

Hello all, I'll start this off with an introduction on how I got here. Back in September 2020 I was driven to the ER for what I now know was a panic attack (heart racing, blurry vision, dizziness, etc.). I saw a neurologist at the ER, whom I followed up with shortly after in October 2020. The neurologist took one look at me, told me I was anxious, and sent me out the door with a prescription for 10mg Lexapro (which is unfortunately far too common). I started taking this on 10/20/2021. The first week on this seemed to amplify all anxious symptoms, but then surprisingly made me feel great (calmer, more energized, optimistic, etc.). I didn't ask questions as I was fairly naive at the time and trusted the neurologist's decision. A few months in I started experiencing days of extreme fatigue, and random bouts of dizziness/blurred vision. I managed to ignore these and attributed them to migraines. Fast forward to February 2021. The days of fatigue and random bouts of dizziness/blurred vision are still happening, yet more frequently. I also noticed a general sense of feeling numb, as if things did not matter as much. I remember one day I forgot to take my dose (for the first time) and I made it until about noon at work. Symptoms were extreme fatigue, dizziness, head pressure, racing heart and a few more that I can't remember. Once again, I was naive and still didn't consider Lexapro as the issue. The next day I took my normal dose and everything returned back to normal. It's now March 2021. For some reason I decided to start questioning the efficacy of the Lexapro as I was starting to have anxious symptoms yet again. I also had a profound realization that I had become dependent on this drug to function day-to-day in order to "manage" my anxiety, and would be for the rest of my life. This is when I began my research (engineer by trade, heavily science/statistically driven), and to say I was shocked is an understatement. SSRI's are prescribed based on a theory, there is no scientific evidence that has proved SSRI's do what they are intended to do. The primary driver is anecdotal evidence, which absolutely blew my mind (once again, engineering perspective). I'm sure these drugs are helpful to some people, but oh my is this interesting. Journalist Robert Whitaker summarizes the history/efficacy of psychiatric drugs brilliantly, check him out if you haven't already. I was aware of 'potential' withdrawal symptoms through brief internet research (unfortunately did not find SA until 3 months off), was willing to tough it out for a few weeks and I quit cold turkey on March 4th 2021. As many of you have unfortunately experienced, nothing could have prepared me for what would happen during the coming months. The acute withdrawal phase hit almost immediately, parking me in bed for a few days followed by another week of dragging myself around. Over the next few weeks I had the typical symptoms: brain zaps, extreme fatigue, dizziness, headaches/head pressure, chest pain, muscle aches, panic attacks, and many many more. At the end of March I began to feel fairly normal and could function enough to return to daily activities. Fast forward to June 2021 and I got absolutely slammed with withdrawal symptoms. The mental/psychological symptoms were intense and frightening as the only psychological issues I have had in the past was anxiety. These consisted of: intrusive thoughts, DP/DR, OCD, insomnia, depression, extreme anxiety (way worse than pre-lexapro), anhedonia and some more I can't remember. Physical symptoms were: DIZZINESS (this was by far my worst physical symptom), tinnitus, extreme fatigue, migraines, neck stiffness, pins/needles, light sensitivity, chest pain, and just about every other symptoms you've read about. I have been to almost every doctor/specialist you could think of and according to modern medicine I was the 'healthiest person' they've seen. I had started to lose faith in modern medicine and begun to look for solutions myself..... Then I found SA and everything made sense. I have been reading many of the stories here (mostly success ) and I cannot thank the people here enough for the information/hope that is provided. Anyway, here I am 7+ months after quitting Lexapro cold turkey. I have been in the windows/waves pattern for the past 4 months with noticeable improvements. I was actually debating on posting a success story last week because I had been feeling so great, but unfortunately a wave hit - although minor in comparison to the beginning. This has consisted of insomnia, intrusive thoughts, minor DP/DR, light sensitivity and generally feeling out of it. So that's about it. I will continue to update this post accordingly as time goes on, and eventually will post my success story. Cheers, - Seer

Hi there :) I was started on antidepressants in 2019 after 3 years of struggling with stress and anxiety induced by a toxic romantic relationship and a stressful environment at university. I was initially started on 10mg escitalopram daily, and uptitrated to 30mg daily within that year. I started getting symptoms that the dose was too high: emotional blunting, insomnia, agitation etc so I started tapering mid-2020. I have been tapering 5mg every 6 months since then and am currently on 10mg again. I have gained 10kg since starting the antidepressants: I was underweight for my height at 52kg and now I weigh 63kg and have a bit of flab around the tummy and things whereas I’ve always been skinny. I’m considering switching over to bupropion or fluoxetine to try avoid the weight side effects (I eat a healthy diet and am relatively active). Any advice?

Hi I’m mark. I spent an hour trying to make my signature , but it wouldn’t allow it because it was to long. Tried cutting it down significantly, still to long , gave up. Basically I’ve been on a million drugs on and off , and didn’t ween off any of the em correctly except lamictal and seroquil. I can make a extremely generalized timeline . Starting with cymbalta 16-17 years ago. cynbalta -2007 1 year 2012 -1 month wellbutrin-2007- a few days xanax-2012- 1mg, recreationally 10-15 doses klonopin-2013 1year .25-1mg lexapro-1-2 months 10mg topamax-2weeks small dose lamictal— 2015 7 years- doses(25-400mg) Seroquil- 2015 5 years -15-100mg ketamine-2019 -10 iv treatments gabapentin-2020- 300mg- 2 months litrhium-2020 1200mg-1 month ambien-2020 5-10 mg 3 months Propalanol-2023 10mg -2 weeks I’ve had several med trials for past 10 years trying to address symptoms that came out of nowwhere in 2013, which I now realize we’re most likely issues from taking cymbalta at an early age , not weening off then going into more rec drug use and Xanax . past ten years of my life were terrible , Constant doctors , trying meds , psych ward visits from bad reactions , not knowing what was wrong , more meds , even was convinced I had lymw and did antibiotic protocols , hyperbaric chamber , etc. also multiple shoulder surgeries from bad shoulders , one of which was a botch job and caused terrible nerve damage furthering my issues . started realizing psych drugs were the problem in late 2021. Got off everything for about a year I got hit with a severe life threatening bout of insomnia in 2022 June , and after being off of drugs for nearly a year , had to resort back to trying things , and things spiraled quickly . While I always have had the hypersensitive nervous system symptom, i I started developing this at a new level . super sensitive to sounds ( even not loud soundslike fridge clicking on, car door in distance , anything etc). Can’t watch most movies emotions trigger symptoms . Constant tinnitus . Can’t exercise , sex release , can’t go to the store without flare .) nighttime adrenal surges / jolting . even then I STILL was seeing psych and trying meds because I was not familiar with kindling . How would I know ? I was member of benzo buddies and knew something was going on drug related but was suffering and didn’t know how else to try and fix it . Then I finally learned of kindling , and found this site . I’ve been off everything for 6-7 weeks . I see people with exact symptom profiles and I see a lot of people that don’t seem to show improvement with the hyper arousal especially from sounds . ive already suffered most of my life , and it’s been ten years and I’m not even close to better , in fact way worse. I guess what I need is a success story, for people with similar countless (to long to list) drug trials , that had the hyper arousal from sounds , lights , emotions , etc and eventually showed improvement . I don’t want to break any rules by saying how I truly feel , but this basically isn’t doable . I saw one lady that said she has the auditory arousal issues seven years later .. what?????? No.. can’t, sorry, I’ve already been in hell for 10 plus years . any success stories or other who had this issue and showed improvement WOULD help. I can’t really find any though . thank you for allowing me in the group and for reading

I’m a 63 year old woman and my first antidepressant use was in 1997. I saw antidepressants as mood cosmetics: an adjustment to my anxious, sometimes irritable and depressive personality that would help me get ahead and live more boldly. I didn’t stay on for long and I quit cold turkey. I broke up with my boyfriend and fell into a deep depression, which I attributed to the breakup. 2003, I found myself in a challenging job as I started having premenopausal irritability. My gynecologist put me back on Prozac, but at some point (2006?), my gp switched me to lexapro. I stayed on it until 2015. (I had post nasal drip with fluoxetine, which led (I think) to numerous sinus infections; that’s why I asked to switch) 2015, I realized I’d missed many doses and I felt fine, so I just stopped, but started having zaps, emotional lability, anxiety etc. I kept wanting to get through it, thinking the symptoms would abate sooner or later. After many months like this, I complained to my gp about hot flashes—not recognizing them as a withdrawal symptom. When she suggested lexapro as an off-label solution to that problem, it felt like a message from god and I resumed lexapro. 2021, I honestly felt there’d be no easier time in my life to taper. Never mind the pandemic, I thought my life was great, which presently seems blunted and delusional. 11/30, I started reducing my doses, and proceeded carefully for 254 days, listening to my body and making reductions after zaps stopped and I felt stable at the lower dose. My last dose in 8/2022. Tardive withdrawal symptoms started in September or October. They seem episodic but mostly, they’re present; I’ve had just a few multi-day breaks from symptoms. Writing this in mid-February 2023 and wondering if I’ll ever feel better. Dealing with loneliness, aging/dying parents and money issues are added, unavoidable stressors. of the four doctors who’ve prescribed ssris for me, one was a gynecologist. The others were GPs! Very grateful to friends who are willing to listen. what helps: —I used to take my Ssri with a fistful of supplements and I found it easy to lose the habit of taking supplements when I stopped the drugs. Now I’m careful to take supplements and they seem to help, but I’m not qualified to advise. (Everything I take: Fish oil, magnesium, b6, b12, calcium citrate, C, D3) —I take valerian to help with sleep. I like solaray because it has standardized active ingredient. Topical melatonin, also for sleep; sometimes kava tea for daytime calm —seldom drinking any alcohol —switching from black tea to green and limiting it to two cups in the morning —seldom watching any news at present —asking myself “what is the best way to take care of myself right now?”—especially when I’m symptomatic —I pick up a lot of good tips from YouTube channel “therapy in a nutshell”… not specific to drug discontinuation but useful techniques for staying calm I’m here to learn as well as to support and I welcome comments to improve my approach to recovery may we all be well, Mary

Hey everyone! I just recently found this site and I think I'm starting to finally have some answers. I was on antidepressants for about 10 years and then went cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant last year February 2023. I was fine for a while when I was pregnant, but then one day I started having major panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. I thought at first it was due to the pregnancy and the hormones and added stress so I just wrote it off as so. I was also having trouble sleeping with sensitivity to light and sound and waking up every couple of hours or so, which I also attributed to the pregnancy. I had my baby in November 2023 and have had worsening symptoms. Of course, anxiety and depression can come postpartum and so I attributed all of my issues to this and just to the general stress of having the baby and being new at parenting. But now, it is starting to feel like there is something more than just postpartum depression and anxiety. I have been having severe panic attacks and have trouble dealing with my emotions. When I get overwhelmed, my mind just shuts down and doesn't know how to comprehend thoughts or emotions. Could this be linked to a long-term withdrawal from my antidepressants? And if so, is there anything I can do?

Hello- as my topic title shows, I have been on anti-depressants for 24 years (20mgs Lexepro, 175 mgs Wellbutrin). It is hard to face. After the birth of my first son, I began having acute anxiety. When I told my gynecologist he told me it was common after giving birth because of hormonal changes. In such cases, he recommends about six months of medication to help with the symptoms and recommended a psychiatrist that he works with for patients such as me. I'm sure none of you are surprised to know that, as is all too common, I never got off the drugs for very long. Each time withdrawel symptoms were interpreted as my illness returning. My mother suffered from anxiety and depression all her sad life, so it wasn't hard to believe that I was ill. Yet, I still tried a few times to stop the drugs. Interestingly, once it became clear how difficult it was to get off the drugs, I knew with certainty that I needed to stop taking them. I Thought I would put if off until I was retired, so I would have less stress, etc. to deal with the WD, but when I learned about the10% taper it gave me hope that I can be AD free by my 60th birthday! I will start with the Lexepro. Getting myself a scale and using a spreadsheet to calculate the decreases. I'm getting my yoga and walking on, and continuing meditation for success! I'm so glad to have this site for reference, information and support!

Hi everybody, posting this here in hopes of some help with taking next steps. I was on 20mg/day escitalopram (aka lexapro/cipralex) for 3 years due to crippling anxiety that came out of nowhere (never had anxiety before), and despite taking good care of myself (sleep habits, nutritious diet, regular exercise, strong social relationships, etc), it persisted. So after 6 months, I decided to take the drug route. I didn’t notice any improvement with 10mg after a couple weeks so we upped it to 20mg (should’ve given 10mg more time). My anxiety was brought under control without any serious side effects at first. After being on it for 1-2 years, I started to notice that I was always pretty tired and increasingly apathetic despite my good lifestyle practices and having always been an energetic and motivated person. By the end of the 3rd year, I was exhausted all the time with no motivation/enthusiasm, brain fog, and would literally need a nap 3 hours after waking up from 10hrs of sleep (caffeine/stimulants didn’t make a difference). A hard workout (I am a bodybuilder (no steroids tho)) would leave me crushed for several days, like a constant hangover. I was just chronically exhausted and lethargic and, possibly by extension of that or as a separate issue, depressed and unmotivated. I did a 4-week taper from 20mg to 0mg without any issues at each reduction, spending several days at each dose to make sure I was stable before reducing again. I now know that was way too quick of a taper, but I didn’t have any adverse reactions to dose reductions, even after going down to 0mg, and my energy/mood seemed to improve at first. It has now been 7+ months since my last dose because I thought it was just a matter of time/toughing it out after you got all the way off. To make matters worse, my last doses were 10mg that I was alternating with 0mg, which I now know I shouldn’t have done. The only acute withdrawal symptom I had was some manageable vertigo, but the protracted withdrawal symptoms have been hell. Despite great life circumstances and maintaining a good quality diet, sleep habits, and exercise routine, I am now almost always: exhausted, sad/depressed, lethargic, spacey, unenthusiastic, apathetic/anhedonic, irritable, moody, and sometimes anxious (though not nearly as bad as the original anxiety that I started taking the SSRI for). I don’t really enjoy doing much of anything any more and I feel like I could sleep forever. I’m lucky to work a job that is flexible, so I don’t need to set an alarm usually and typically get 9-10hrs of sleep. I still wake up tired every day and often need naps despite never being a nap person before. My sleep quality is good (no insomnia really) My life is falling apart. I’m familiar with the waves and windows, and I’ve experienced one 2-week window, and the very rare goodish day here and there, during that 7-month period, but most days are crap . I have been tracking my mood/energy every day in a spreadsheet for last 3 months, and although I THINK I am doing a bit better now than I was during the first few months, it’s almost negligible, with awful days and chronic exhaustion still being the norm. Given that I am 7+ months in, I don’t want to quit while being so “far along”, and I know that reinstatement is less likely to work now or may even have adverse effects (kindling), but I am starting to consider getting back on a very small dose (<1mg?) to get stable again before executing a proper taper in hopes of avoiding continued PWS. I’m 25 and I’ve basically lost the last 2 years of my life, which I know is nothing compared to some of the experiences on this site, but I’m hoping to get some guidance or input here since my doctor is pretty out of the loop on SSRI PWS (his suggestion was to start taking wellbutrin/buproprion, which I would rather not gamble with). It seems to me that I’m basically deciding between the risk of reinstatement resetting my withdrawal progress and not working/making things worse OR toughing it out for who knows how long, maybe forever, and possibly getting new, even worse, withdrawal symptoms as I know there is a possibility of experiencing new withdrawal symptoms many months down the road. Some context notes: I am still able to consume most supplements (other than 5-HTP and melatonin) without any obvious adverse effects (for example, caffeine/pre-workout and nicotine gum/Zyn seem to be fine, although they aren’t as effective as they used to be) and I still lift weights very intensely since time away from training doesn't seem to help.Point being, I haven’t really been able to identify any trends as far as diet, supplementation, lifestyle habits, etc. causing waves, but perhaps it’s because I’ve been constant with everything. I also tried magic mushrooms (2g) and it had no effect acutely, although the following weeks were slightly better, that could’ve just been a natural “window”. Any insight would be greatly appreciated as I am feeling hopeless.

Hello to everybody! I am very grateful to get an opportunity to write my story in this forum, I am from Germany and in our country those severe problems with antidepressants withdrawals have not yet become very aware to the public, nor the prescribing doctors. It is really a tragedy! The tapering strips method, which seems to me being used successfully in England, the USA, the Netherlands aso, is almost still unknown in Germany. And in the meantime, I think, if I would have already known, more than a year ago, what I know now, all the knowledge, that I achieved, I would probably not be in such an unbearable and suffering situation, than I am still now, since the whole year 2022. Here in Germany is absolutely no help if such problems occur, after the withdrawal of Psychopharmaka, this is my sadest experience, and many others are in the same situation 😢 I can also read this in all the stories of the German Facebook groups who are having this title: withdrawal of psychopharmaka/Antidepressants. Nobody cares, nobody knows, nobody seems to be interested. And there are a lot of predjudices, there is very often totally lack of knowledge of these kind of drugs. The majority of the doctors are denying this very long lasting withdrawal symptoms, most of them still maintain, it doesn’t exist! And all they say, if you are refusing to Antidepressiva, there is nothing we can do! They don’t care about the side effects and all the other terrible and dangerous things in connection with the drug use. And because my side effects, which were getting stronger especially over the last years, I decided to quit with it, a very long time, I was not aware at all, that the problems which occured, the terrible Tinnitus, the Brain Zaps, the abnormal excitements, the sweating excavations, the furious extreme outbreaks of rages, insomnia, regular daily daily bouts of fatigue with leaden tiredness and then later being overactive again. For years I only functioned and lived in a bubble, and I was emotionally numb. It is more than a year ago that I stopped taking the drug, and unfortunately I reduced the dose to fast. According to my psychiatrists advice, I reduced the dose within only 5 weeks from 20 mg to O; which means 5 mg less per week, and this after my longtime experience of using Lexapro since 2004. How could I ever have been so stupid! If my beloved mom would still be alive, I probably would not have been so naiv, but since then I am traumatized forever, because of the circumstances of her death almost 3 years ago. In the End of January, 2022 I was finished with my reduction. And since the whole last year, I really go through hell until nowadays and I never ever felt so bad, since my withdrawal I never had experienced such horrible feelings and symptoms before! And my doctor\ psychiatrist still doesn’t believe, that all the symptoms I still have, are caused from the withdrawal of the drug. He maintains, that after a year, this cannot be. Even though I gave him really a lot of Information about the facts, he is still questioning it! 😢 Initially, after stopping, I had severe flu-like symptoms, severe nausea for months, loss of appetite, electric shock-like sensations in my head and other parts of my body, movement disorders, visual disturbances, severe muscle cramps. All of this has now subsided, within a year. But delayed, a permanent physical weakness has developed, especially noticeable in the arms and unbearable anxiety, heavily heart palpitations, plus severe dizziness, difficulty concentrating, brain fog**, a feeling of total insensibility, fatique, hopelessness and joylessness, cognitive disorder. A permanent state of chronic loss of appetite has also remained. And a permanent feeling of Unreality, very hard to describe, there are feelings of derealization I never had in my mind, and nobody understands, I hardly can explain. There are no spontaneous emotions anymore, I can't decide for anything, not even for the simplest things, I think back and forth forever, plus strong tinnitus, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, I live only in the past, have a strong longing for earlier times. My only emotional reaction and emotion is actually only sadness, a melancholy and sadness deeply anchored in me, which is a constant companion. Already when I wake up in the morning, I always experience this terrible indescribable feeling, which restricts my everyday life so massively, I am already on sick leave for most of the year and also have great fear for my existence, great fear for the future. I don't know how much longer I can endure this condition, I have been trying for months to achieve relief by taking various dietary supplements and phytopharmaceuticals, i.e. only herbal remedies, and have already spent a lot of money, in vain. Unfortunately, my health insurance does not cover orthomolecular and holistic medicine, only these expensive antidepressants, which have been prescribed for years, which are covered by the german health insurance. I am not able to smile or laugh, no joyful emotions, I can’t listen to music anymore but I love music!😢 My prescribing doctor believes my withdrawal symptoms, but says, this is only a reaction of my body, which means, that my depression is back. Well, the depression was always my company, since my youth, it never disappeared! He says, that I would feel so bad, because I refused to take another drug, and recommended Sertralin, in the meantime he recommended Agomelatine, that I also refused to take. Since a year he did absolutely nothing to help me with my severe symptoms. I was the one, who started to research in the internet, and I found a lot of information there. And thank God there a few people in Germany who are very busy and concerned about the problems which occur after the drug withdrawal, like Peter Lehmann, Peter Ansari, and some others. They were publishing very good books about this case. I learned a lot about my symptoms and why they excist. The majority of the doctors are denying this very long lasting withdrawal symptoms, most of them still maintain, it doesn’t exist! And they say, if you are refusing to Antidepressiva, there is nothing we can do! They don’t care about the side effects and all the other terrible and dangerous things in connection with the drug use. And the main question is also: Is it ever possible to reinstate the drug with the tapering method even only with small doses after more than a year after quitting with this SSRI? Or better through the liquid formula with a special syringe? But this method is still very unusal to be practiced in Germany and I would have to order the strips from the Netherlands. There is only one pharmacy who produces them, I found out. I am very afraid to reinstate even a low dose of Lexapro again, because I already tried it last June 2022 with a short period of taking another drug called Brintellix/Vortioxetin, which is said to be similar to the drug Cipralex/Lexapro/Escitalopram. My doctor only precribed it because it was my suggestion, the drug is not available in Germany anymore and my pharmacy had to order it from Switzerland. And the all the symptoms got worse and I was lying in bed again with flu like symptoms including shivering in hot summer. I am quite sure now, the dose was much to high for being used as reinstating drug, it was 10 mg, than i reduced myself to 5 mg. But what shall I do? I can´t live with this terrible symptoms anymore, I fear, they last longer, perhaps for years, I can´t bear that anymore. If I would know, that I will feel better in the near future, sometimes this year, but everything seems so uncertain and my anxiety kills me. The heavily heart palpations, this terrific bodily weakness in my arms and this dizziness, this very difficult concentration even for the simplest things, and all that, It is so frustrating! I am crying every single day. And I have great fear for my income, what will happen to me, if I can´t work anymore? Thank you for your consideration and your attention of my story. Best wishes to all of you who read this!

Hello! Here is my story: Started taking Lexapro in 2012 and it really helped me to function in life during a stressful time. Decided to go off Lexapro in 2017. It was a fast taper, and I ultimately ended up staying at 5mg. Acute withdrawal symptoms were brain zaps, agitation, anxiety but they subsided after the first month, and over the course of the next 6-8 months, I slept a lot. I planned to ultimately finish the withdrawal process in the future. October 2020, I started putting a withdrawal plan together. Instead, I ended up going CT on Nov. 1 when I had a dental surgery and infection. This was an impulsive decision and a poor one. I thought that I just needed to get through the first month and then I would be okay. November 25, 2020, I got vertigo out of the blue and fainted/threw up. I thought this might have something to do with the withdrawal, so I kind of freaked out and took 2.5mgs of Lexapro. This knocked me out for 24-48 hours (headache/body aches/dizziness) and I stayed in bed. Everything checked out okay with the Doctor and when I asked if this was related to the Lexapro withdrawal, she said no, told me to throw away the pills. I received a diagnosis of Benign Positional Vertigo and was given a maneuver to do. The dizziness cleared up, it lasted 2-3 weeks Late December, work was stressful. I didn't eat really well and ended up with hives. I was taking Benadryl on and off. I took Allegra one day. There was one night the last week of the year where I didn't sleep at all and this was strange for me. Work stress seemed to be getting to me, but I pushed through. January 4, I started what was to be a month long meditation retreat at home, but something went wrong. I wasn't sleeping well, I was pushing myself, I had a lot of fear and resistance. I was crying uncontrollably. I was spinning out. By the end of the week, I decided to stop the retreat and now I'm in a very strange place. I'm super alert, anxious, fearful, tightness in my chest and I am not sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time. I can't seem to calm down and I am not functioning well. I can't even imagine going back to work like this. Have an appointment with my Dr. tomorrow, and will try to possibly see a psychiatrist. My question - at just over 2 months out, do I try to reinstate at a very low dose of Lexapro, or should I try the sister drug Celexa (I think that is it)? I'm worried about how to present to my Doctor. I am trying to make the best of this, but am really very scared. Thank you for your time, Crochet

Hi people, I am kind of desperate as I feel really weird for the last week or so and it is not the anxiety or the depression that I started the antidepressants for (at least this is how I perceive it). As you can see in the signature, there were a lot of changes and adjustments since I started the antidepressants. My current doc (will have a meeting with her on Wednesday) recommended to go up to 150mg of zoloft and so I did, in December. But by the end of December I started to feel super anxious again and upon google research (doc not available during the holidays), I decided by myself to drop back to 125. A week after that I started to feel really good, maybe best I've been since I started the medication. It lasted about until around 20th of January when I started to feel another increase in anxiety. Contacted the doc and she recommended another drop, to 100 mg. About 5 days later I started to feel a bit better, but only for 2-3 days. Then the weirdness started. I now have a feeling that I haven't had before (of course, I might perceive it like that since the mix of depression and anxiety with OCD and health anxiety on top is a BOMB cocktail), like I am not the same anymore, a dreamlike feeling, a bit dissociative, a bit emotionally numb, a bit of confusion, ability to focus on something dropped a bit etc. Feels a bit like the derealization I had when I felt into depression, back in summer 2023, but without that severe depression. I fear that my brain got permanently "damaged" (a bit illogical, I know, but the fear is there) from all these meds and adjustments. I feel this new state to be even scarier than the anxiety attacks I was having in Autumn (at least I was feeling better after an attack, for the rest of the day, optimistic and hopeful) because I am in it the whole day, with minor ups and downs. Can I actually feel this way because of the last drop in dosage? If so, why I haven't feel this way when I dropped from 150 to 125? Lately I was thinking that upping the escitalopram dosage from 10 to 20 mg, back in September (I had a rough week right after I returned from holiday, anxiety was through the roof the week before I went up on 20 mg) was a mistake and maybe I just had to push through and stay on 10mg. I have the feeling that I have been overmedicated since then. I actually dropped back to 10mg mid Novemeber (and then switched to zoloft) after I complained several times to my doc that I started to feel a bit weird, mood shifts during the day, like feeling great in the first half and like **** in the afternoon. Also, I am seriously thinking in the last few days to start weaning off the poison, because I started to believe these meds are actually doing more wrong than good (of course, these words may come out just because I feel super off lately) I appreciate your thoughts and advice. Thanks!

Here is my story. As an adolescent and college student, I suffered from anxiety and in particular social anxiety. I finally sought psychiatric treatment in senior year of college (year 2014) as I also started getting major depressive symptoms and was prescribed Zoloft (at 100 mg for 7 years, then tapered to 50 mg for the remaining time I was on it; I did not take any breaks, was always on it during this time; mainly had some sexual side effects, a bit of emotional blunting, but overall really manageable from side effect standpoint, nothing major). It was highly effective at treating the physical feelings of anxiety and healed me mentally as well, slowly improving and lowering social anxiety and my depressive symptoms. In late July of 2023, while on 50mg I decided I was in a good place and found a few of the side effects annoying, and (unfortunately) self-tapered off the 50 mg (50 to 25 to 12.5 over around 6 weeks) by mid-September. As I tapered, I felt no increase in anxiety or depression (and had not been feeling these in a significant way for a long time – in fact I was the happiest I had probably ever been in my whole life, which is what prompted me to think I did not need the Zoloft any more), or any of the symptoms I took it for the in the first place, and experienced minimal ‘discontinuation’ symptoms as well. Then, about 6 weeks after stopping, in mid-November I had several things pop up at the time I did not recognize as relapse/discontinuation, but almost certainly were (GI distress, nausea, constipation) – these were separate ‘episodes’ that occurred, and there was spacing in between them. December 10 is when the true full relapse began: I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uneasy, with chills, got bad night sleep / struggled to get back to sleep, following night at girlfriend’s had panic attack come out of nowhere- chills, shivering, feeling anxious not self, thought I was going to die- walked around and talked it out, died down in 20-30min… but for rest of night felt uneasy, struggled to sleep / got a bad night sleep. Following day woke up feeling full anxiety in chest, shoulders (adrenaline type feeling) and had racing/worrying thoughts, told primary care provider they refilled Zoloft 25 mg. I took the Zoloft 25 mg had a strong reaction (this was ~2.5 months after my last dose of 12.5mg), both positive in sense it did calm me down but with strong side effects (tingling, no libido, strange sensations (I experienced lower libido, but nothing like the strange sensations when on it before)—like an electric shock in lower body mostly, i.e., what I now know to be the ‘kindling’ effect and you can’t argue against this because human beings can’t natural produce electric shock sensations internally even as a manifestation of anxiety), deterring me from wanting to take it again, still got pretty poor sleep that night but not horrible. Did not take Zoloft Wednesday because concerned about side effects, still felt anxious / off and got poor night’s sleep again. I met with primary care thursday, at doctor’s office Thursday had a panic attack that did die down, they referred me to psychiatrist. On Friday took 12.5 mg Zoloft since they said it wouldn’t make a difference either way at that dose and felt more relaxed but again had weird side effects. The next day I started to feel weird, and took 12.5mg to take the edge off (in retrospect, not how Zoloft to be used but I was in an irrational, anxious state), made me feel calmer but still got a bad sleep. Sunday morning felt very off, like panic building so took 25 mg Zoloft initially calmer but panic attack did not stop ended up going to ER, had elevated BP/HR otherwise fine, and gave me low dose of lorazepam, talked it out, calmed down. Also trazodone for sleep, ended up sleeping very well that night for whatever reason. The next day felt a bit weird but also a bit recovered, around noon felt growing depression feeling so took 25mg Zoloft, then that night really struggled to get sleep, next morning also feeling off, had panic attack, ended up calling 911 evaluated in ambulance, just elevated HR and BP, calmed down, flew home that day (took Zoloft 25mg at noon because could feel growing depression feeling again). Had another panic attack and went to the ER one more time (this was last day I took Zoloft 25mg). I then started on my newly found psychiatrist’s (yea… unfortunately did not have one for a while) plan of 0.5mg/night clonazepam and 150mg Wellbutrin (since starting the 0.5mg clonazepam, no true panic attacks have occurred), unfortunately even with taking the Wellbutrin in the morning, I got no sleep that night (got hypnic jerks that kept me awake), told me psychiatrist, he told me to stop and we’d re-evaluate in a few days. Then following two nights no sleep, the psychiatrist kind of gave up on me, so then took a few days to find a new provider. Who started me on 5mg Lexapro (and continue 0.5mg/night clonazepam) – the main side effects were getting no sleep (down from 5-6 hours previous two nights) both nights I tried it and constipation (but other than that nothing bad). I took a break for a day and re-tried in the morning, then was able to get some sleep. Over a 5-week period, I vamped up from 5 to 7.5 to 10mg/morning Lexapro, and tapered down to 0.25mg/night clonazepam (tapered down regardless of impact on sleep because I did not want to become dependent). Since starting the Lexapro, there has been continued improvement in daily functioning, reduction in anxiety (in particular better control over thoughts), mood (continues to improve actually – in many ways getting back to old self despite being sleep deprived); I continue to feel I am approaching ‘normal’ / being myself more. However, there is still something major that is very off: I do not feel exhaustion/tiredness (OR anywhere near as much like **** as I should after a poor night’s sleep, I am also strangely am able to focus better and in a better mood than I’d be under normal circumstances) during the day (or a very limited amount of it), and continue to get poor night’s sleeps (I have not taken a single nap or dosed off at all since December 10… I even took 5mg ambien in the middle of the day (long story) and that failed to make me fall asleep). It is often challenging for me to both fall asleep, and guaranteed I will wake up at least 1-2 times throughout the night (and sometimes during these instances I cannot get back to sleep), and I can never sleep in past 7am. The worst nights are usually 1.5-2.5 hours, the better ones are in the 4.5-6 hour range (I had a streak of 0 hour sleep for 3 nights in a row after going down from .5 to .25mg Klonopin too early, then went back to 0.5mg and made taper more gradual). I have had several nights of 7-8 hour sleeps, but with only a few exceptions these have always been after taking a sleeping drug (and always the 0.25mg Klonopin as well). During the nights, I will sometimes wake up with a faster heartrate, night sweats, urinate frequently, when trying to fall asleep I have experienced minor hypnic jerks (though a lot less bad than the ones after taking the Wellbutrin) – a lot of these have admittedly declined in frequency (and some I think have been in reaction to taking certain sleep meds the night prior, e.g., Mirtazapine), but nonetheless my average amount of sleep has not improved that much, still waking up often and not getting very many hours (interestingly I also pretty much always remember my dreams). For awareness, I have tried Ambien (just 5mg) which did not work at getting me to sleep (did make me extremely drowsy though.. also felt depressed/anxious like 5-6 hours of taking it), Trazodone (25-100mg, it was effective, but started realizing it might be causing tachycardia and made me act weird in the mornings so stopped taking it), Mirtazapine (~4mg, probably the best sleep I’ve had during the whole experience slightly over 8 hours only woke up once, obviously made me extremely drowsy, but the next morning was a zombie, then in the afternoon started experiencing hypersensitivity and getting jolts of anxiety in reaction to things like dogs barking while on a walk), Lunesta (1mg – was effective 6-7 hours helped with falling and staying asleep, but did some GI distress, and felt causing some sort of mini-withdrawal since on the Klonopin / not advisable to take z-drug with benzo), and Hydroxyzine (25-75mg – this has been effective, I think become a bit less effective over time but still helpful, some side effects getting better, notable so want to avoid taking every night); for supplements I take 2mg melatonin, 300mg magnesium, vitamin D3, I try going to bed at consistent time, go on daily 30+ minute walks, employ diaphragmatic breathing, though admittedly have more to learn on sleep hygiene. All of this said, I would love to hear people’s thoughts on the following (and I am going to an online forum because I have brought some of this up to supposedly highly qualified Ivy League-trained psychiatrists who won’t really know what to do). (1) Is there any possibility I did not give re-trying Zoloft a proper chance, and getting back on it at some TBD dosage is my only chance to get back to normal? When I took it initially it did feel weird, but all of the effects I’d be willing to put up with if I got back to feeling normally and being able to sleep properly again (even though as I took it later in the week I noticed most decline in intensity). Additionally I took it incorrectly, starting on a Tuesday at 25mg, then taking 12.5mg on Friday, then 12.5mg Saturday, then 25mg for just a few more days before stopping. You may think, why on earth would he get back on that he still had panic attacks on them (and yes, they were potentially worse because I took it, but I took it improperly, which likely completely threw off my brain). In comparison to Lexapro, when I first took it it did not interfere with sleep like Lexapro did (two nights in a row with no sleep, and still after 5 weeks on Lexapro I am getting poor sleep, though some components may be improving). It did have a calming effect, did have a somewhat numbing effect and made me feel better than I should have (given the overtiredness), but still that was early days and towards the end 4th day or so of using that became less the case. a. I read in some cases if you react strongly to the initial dosage that is “kindling” and does not mean the drug will not work, but just you are extra sensitive to it. My brain clearly grew dependent on Zoloft over the 9+ years I was on it and may need the drug to get back to normal. I had not taken it long enough the second time (only 4-5 days) to tell if it could properly reduce anxiety, rebalance my brain so I could sleep properly. When I was having the panic attacks while taking it, it had not been long enough to prevent them (would take weeks…), I was also not eating nearly enough (something I realized during my final ER visit when I horsed down a bunch of mediocre hospital food). b. If I were to switch I am pretty sure I’d need to cross taper with Lexapro, because going to 0 on an SSRI I don’t think would be good for me at this point, in particular combining the withdrawal with the sleep deprivation. It would probably be wise to start with a very low amount of Zoloft (like 1 mg?) to minimize any risk of Serotonin Syndrome. c. While I don’t think they take a nuanced approach, and lack a sophisticated enough understanding of SSRIs, have been advised against this by several doctors. (2) Does it make sense to stick with Lexapro, at least for several more weeks, potentially at a higher dose. I am not concerned about the constipation, but obviously if it makes sleep worse that’s a no go. I have noticed continued improvements shifts to normality while on it just not the desired improvement on sleep. In some ways I am happier on it than I was on Zoloft, but still not the sleep improvement—and sleep is huge foe me. If I were to increase the dose I would start going from 10mg to 12.5mg. My GI system seems to be improving (gets less irritated after meals, getting more of real appetite/feeling hunger) a. The recent psychiatrist I saw recommend I try increasing the dose of Lexapro and see how it goes over the next month. (3) Could it make sense to try an alternative SSRI, such as Prozac or Celexa? The key here would be getting brain back to a state where I could sleep. Or a different antidepressant class, but those are second line and known for even worse side effects. (4) Some may say the Klonopin, especially in the context of tapering, is hurting sleep (which it probably is but I doubt that severely given I have held at .25mg for 3 weeks), and right now I am still suffering from the bad sleep deprivation, have lost 15 pounds – suffering through potential benzo withdrawal might not be something I can handle now. I have no desire to ever take a dose higher than 0.25mg, and eventually 100% want off of it, preferably as soon as possible. (5) In terms of other treatment options for the insomnia, I have not yet tried Seroquel but have reservations given I already have not had the best experiences with Trazodone and Mirtazapine – if I were to try Seroquel maybe like ¼ or ½ the usual starting dose of 25mg… Would rather try one of the alternative treatments, CBD/cannabis if those really do sometimes work. a. I have heard CBT-I, ketamine infusions, psilocybin microdose, CBD, cannabis, maybe be helpful – would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on any of these or other treatments

Hello,this is my story (sorry for my English), Currently suffering a lot and don't have a good supporting system,I feel so alone and lost and don't know if this nightmare will ever end, any help appreciated. 01/2017-12/2022 ~6 Years on Generic Lexapro (5mg-20mg) because of repeataive panic attacks and anxiety that lead to depression.No idea about withdrawal,dr just said that it will be easy to stop them just like I started them .Just I have to do it slowly when I see myself better.My tapering was not tapering as i read here ,I consider it cold turkey because of wrong directionns of docs. I went from 20mg to 5mg in a short time(4-5 month) and and then 0mg. Withdrawal symptoms: 01/23-04/23 Low mood , anxiety at times, high energy, feeling uncomfortable some times.I was feeling that something is not going very well and something is coming but no idea that was from withdrawl as I thought this poison was already out of my system as I was told by doctors. 04/23-07/23 Lot more stress and anxiety, shortness of breath, higher heart rate, balance problem showed, several panic attacks, difficulties focusing, lower productivity at work as my cognitive skills started to go down,pssd.(Thought just ws high stress and anxiety who caused this maybe need some rest ,still no idea about withdrawal.) 07/23-31/09/23 The terror just started,all the above symptoms but in much more extreme which gradually worsened(I took maca for pssd for 4 days in the beginning of 07/23 possibly worsened my symptoms or just what came was supposed to happen ).In the beginning I couldn't talk , couldn't find the easiest words tos say to complete sentences.My cognitive skills just faded away (I was able to understand that because I used to be a good student at uni so I had great pc skills and was a smart guy high grades ) but my mind just stopped to cooperate.All of this gave me a lot ,a lot of stress I thought I was going insane and I just couldn't accept this.I stopped my work temporary for a month because I thought I need some rest because of anxiety i had and I just needed some rest but the worse was coming.My balance problems worsned a lot more ,and just one day I started to have a headache in back of my head ,It was like someone was burning my brain inside.Then everything went worse i started to have headaches in every part of my head , sometimes feel like there is missing part of my brain ,and i feel that parts of my brain are missing sometimes,Very sensitive to louds and sounds in general cand handle everyday sounds I feel paralyzed ,not able to communicate for a long time or focusing in the words someone says ro me because headache starts and just cant handle (it is like it triggers stressors and if i continue to hear or focus in conversations after the pain this goes me to a panic attack )The same happens if i see a vidio for lot of minutes ,feell like my brain is very sensitive maybe due to the fact that i had so much stress about what was happening.I found about this group accidentally as I was in 2psy docs who suggested that i had relapsing and wante ro give me cocktail of other drugs . I suspected that and started the searching on internet.In the beginning i found a group of pssd because this is a problem I have since my CT,and wanted to know about these other drugs they prescribed me ,then I saw @pugsuccess story which lead me to this amazing forum.And reading here about symptoms and everything about withdrawals things started to make sense ,but I was in shock (I found SA0 12/09/23).I didn't started to get these drugs they prescribed me but Im suffering a lot these days.Worth to mention that when my headache started I had a lot of pain on my brain (I thought I was going insane minute to minute )and I wa unable to tolerate it.My family went me In ER and they gave me sth no idea what it was however they told me to take Lyrica(pregbalin) and see how things will go.I took lyrica next day (50mg) and it helped me a lot to be honest my pain reduced and since then I continue it ,but im afraid as it is also addictive and dont know really in this moment it helps or puts more fuel to the fire,but im afraid to take it off because the terror I saw when i went in ER was out of this world.I don't work anymore as I am not able to concentrate on pc and my cognitive impairment is very low . I live with my family this moment as not able to take care by myself but they don't understand me they think that everything is just in my head and they expectthis to pass day by day putting some sort of pressure on me ,also my friends dont understand me,thay just have not ever heard about everything i say so doesn't make sanse ,Im not not able to seee them a lot because I cant handle conversation for lots o minutes with pepople it trigers me that pain in my head .I don't know what to do anymore,I cant go back to ssri the stole my feelings for years ,but im suffering a lot now and 2 month ( 9 months off srri).Apart from the fact that i dont function normally because of my brain I also have lots of stress daily which also cause high heart rate . My worts days are usually I'm bedridden and just a step away to go in ER(lot of pain inside in my soul like is screaming so loudly but only me can hear it , fatigue,not able to communicate, sensitive to light and sound,and dont know if i will make next hour or not).It goes after 6-7 hours some times takes all day and night but freaks me out.Some moments of the day I feel ok but ar less than the waves. My sleep is (4-5 hours per night) except from some days that I was no able to sleep at all .Try to eat 3xday even though some days i don't have appetite.Exerxice whenever Im able and not beddriden usually (30 -50min biking ride or walking/jogging ~8000steps )5/7 days a week . Im trying to fight this but in we deepest waves i feel so bad ,so weak and not imaggine to tolerate this for much time .I don't know if anything i said makes any sense because my symptoms are a little different from others with lexapro.I just want to ask the moderators if is a good idea to continue with lyrica or not? And what is the best thing to do when acute withdrawal hits because I cannot know if there will be strongers acute waves than these who passed just in case to be prepared.Would be a good idea any benzo or any other way either way? Any support and suggestions appreciated. #Thank you for reading my story.🙂

Hi guys I tapered Cipralex 10mg to 0.00625mg over 2 years, Everything goes nice until I smoke weed which I thought is a medicine to heal, From that day onwards I got Akathisia then healed after 10 months and I got depression, Awful Mornings, Insomnia, Racing Thoughts, Fear of abandoned, Visual Snow, feels like always high. I got Patterns like Awful Mornings and Depressive Evenings. Note. I takes Propranolol 5mg for Akathisia and I still continue the med, If I Stop the med my feel like always high become worse and Heart palpitate, But Most of Symptoms heals day by day Thank God for Healing me. But I can't tolerate somes supplement like fish oil which could tolerate in Cipralex taper. I can't even tolerate Pepper in food. I introduce myself what are the things I do and I don't in me.

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

Hello, im confused about what to post and where. So please bare with me. Im 41 years old, female and have been on quetiapine and escitalopram for 12 years or so . I have been skipping doses of the lexapro for the last year. I naively thought this was ok to do. My anxiety, panic and ocd has been incredibly bad i assumed it was just my illness getting worse( bpd, adhd, anxiety, ocd, ptsd) the meds no longer working . At their peak i was taking 20 mg escitalopram and 75 quetipaine. but naturally tapered over the years. I thought they were working but now im convinced they are making me worse. Im worried i have kindled myself from skipping doses of lexapro. As i said i have been stable on 25 mg of quetiapine that i take regualry but for over a year have been skipping doses of 10 mg of lexapro, i may only take 3 tablets a week. I had the realisation i wanted to come of the meds starting with the lexapro, i went on holiday recently ( 2 weeks ago) and took 1 , 10 mg pill in 8 days I Was feeling sick so the next week took 5 mg only 3 days a week and found this site. Ive since realised skipping doses was a terrible thing to do. i have now decided to take 5 mg every of the lexapro every day . The sickness and headache subsided but im feeling high as a kite And manic. im not sure what to do im trying to find a psychiatrist but its taking ages. Please advise 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hello everybody. I was referred to this forum after trying to find answers about my problem on other websites for almost a year now. To somewhat quickly sum up my story. I was put on psych meds at 16 after a breakdown related to OCD. I am not sure how long I have been on Lexapro, but probably since around 2013/2014. I first started taking psych meds at 16. I was dealing with a bad APRN (who I saw for years but became worse and worse over time) who had me on 30mg of Lexapro for at least 2 to 3 years. I cannot remember how long I was on 20mg before that, and for how long. I apologize. I couldn't get a refill due to problems with my computer for an online meeting, they didn't give me enough to taper off safely (didn't even tell me to taper off or warn me about withdrawal symptoms), so I ended up having a breakdown about 3 months later, but not any cognitive issues at all. I was very paranoid and anxious, but my memory was fine along with my memory and ability to talk eloquently. I was put back on 10mg of Lexapro about 2ish weeks after the incident. I remember having a dull pain at the very top of my head for a little bit, and since that week, I've had breathing problems, sinus issues such as dryness and pain (watery mucus too, now my sinuses feel very dry recently), memory loss, brain fog, fatigue, dry mouth, chest pains, face/neck pains and a warm/tingling feeling on the left side of my face (sometimes numbness too), vomiting, throbbing headaches, high blood pressure (this has mainly gone away I think, could have been from withdrawal) jaw stiffness (my teeth would clench subconsciously while awake, that's gone away) and ear ringing. I also now have sleep apnea. I had to immediately stop taking it again due to these issues, I lasted about a week on the new dosage. It almost feels like I had a TBI without having a TBI. I don't know if the SSRI caused it or the stress of the breakdown (was put on a psych hold) and personal family problems such as my mom getting sick with cancer that eventually killed her caused it, or both. I've been feeling like this for about 10ish months now and it's not getting any better. I have sexual dysfunction problems, emotionally I feel numb, and when I try to think deeply it feels like my brain is a stalling car. My memory is also as bad as ever, and the neck/face problems are still here, I can feel them as I'm typing this. It also feels like when I speak to people, my mouth is speaking faster than my brain can think. This is something very new, and it causes me to stutter/not talk as eloquently as I used to. I used to be very well spoken and now that's gone. I can recall events in my life/childhood, but now I can no longer remember specifics of the events, such as words said. It's very odd. I've had CT/MRI scans done of my brain and neither showed real problems. I'm seeing my PCP in September because my problems are getting worse, and I'm supposed to see a neurologist in November, and I'm thinking of asking for a qEEG, SPECT, and a nerve conduction study. I'd just like some advice on what to do to feel better. Not sure if my APRN is liable for the damage done to be or not, either, but this isn't a legal forum, so I'm not expecting any advice on that front. My former APRN, who I had gone to for years, slowly became worse and worse, and got angry at my mom at times for scheduling my appointments with my APRN. When I saw my APRN again after my breakdown/psych hold, she didn't seem to care about me going off 30mg cold turkey, her not telling me to taper off of it or warning me about the problems etc. She just put me back on 10mg, and when I had to stop taking it due to my side effects, she refused to help me any further, saying she would only see me if I saw a therapist, and even when I did, she refused to talk to me about my problems because "legally I [The APRN] can't because [The APRN] doesn't see me as a client anymore". She's the one who won't see me anymore, so I don't get it at all. She was very cold and uncaring about my mom getting sick and dying of cancer, only saying "getting a job helps with anxiety" and "Medicaid is hard to get on". It's so horribly depressing to feel like you've lost what made you, you. My memory is awful, my emotions are all over the place, I stutter sometimes now when I never used to, my cognitive thinking is awful. My voice actually sounds different to me. I don't know what's going on. My personality feels so neutered. I just want some help to get a definite answer on what's causing all of this.

I have waited a long time to post this. Am unused to confiding personal stuff, have difficulty connecting with people and also my memory of things is muddled. This is a truncated version of my experience with anti-depressants (AD) over 6 years plus currently 2 and half years of withdrawal. Beginning Started experiencing debilitating anxiety and depression in my late teens. I found myself becoming a recluse in my thirties. For a few years I went weeks without venturing out of the house. When I did, I got out in the early hours to get some exercise. And that was it. During this time an unfortunate incident happened and I came into possession of Lexapro which was prescribed for someone else and one day I started taking it. In short, Lexapro saved me. I felt different. I managed to go out to places I normally hate/fear. I didn't feel anxious when I was around people. It was a miraculous thing. I felt calm. I could concentrate. I could be at ease. I could do things for myself and my family again. I could live life again. During my years on Lexapro I still experienced some periods of depression, anxiety and anhedonia though it's not on the same level as before meds and after it. Even though it seems the beneficial effects became weaker overtime, overall Lexapro worked well for me. I don't regret taking it and if given a choice to go back in time I would still have taken it as there was just no way out. Decision to stop Since I had improved I felt there was hope that I could live without it. I weighed the pros and cons of continuing on this med. I worried about the instability of my sources and the possible side effects of continuing long term. I mentioned I wasn't prescribed them so I bought more from online pharmacies. You may wonder why I did not go the formal way instead. I have issues with seeking help and with people in general. If I could do it by myself I would. Only my partner knows about my condition. I tried a few times to stop but finally succeeded on my last try at end of 2020. Maintained an erratic approach to tapering. Besides tapering dosages I used methods like alternate days and going without till withdrawal symptoms start showing. I jumped off at 1.25mg as it was the smallest dosage I could feasibly obtain (I now know there's a way to obtain even smaller dosages from this board). In estimate I really tapered off in a few months time. Withdrawal Emotional aspects are the hardest to bear. Beginning I felt a lot of anger and irritation. Sudden bouts of rage or getting extremely emotional and teary. Daily sudden waking with a lot of anxiety or waking up and experiencing dystalgia. Constantly feeling tired, stressed out and overwhelmed. Constantly on the edge of breaking down. For periods I would experience depersonalisation-derealisation and persistent dystalgia (a term invented on this board on obsessing about the passage of time and the past). I find myself obsessing over things and thoughts which were easier to let go of when I was on AD. Also obsessed with issues of death, mortality and suicide. I still experience all these in phases currently and had been constantly down in 2022/23 with weeks long of deep depression and despair. There's the constant uncertainty and doubt, especially so during a wave, which is often. Is it a relapse? Can I really overcome the withdrawal? How long is this going to go on? Will I ever heal? Why am I putting myself through this? Whenever I get really bad I start wondering about going back on. The idea of having to one day go through withdrawal all over again stops me fantasising about this option. The other option is to stay on it forever which I just can't see myself in. Another thing that adds to the uncertainty is I don't really have an old functioning image of myself to fall-back on. I can't go back to the old me. Physical symptoms Worsening eyesight, being unable to focus on near objects (could be because I am getting older but the development coincided with my withdrawal), halo effect around light sources, blurry eyes, light sensitivity and worsened night vision. More than half of my hair had turned grey to this ordeal (people had commented on this). Nerve pain in the left hip that mostly went away followed now by stiff and painful neck. I still experience random mild brain zaps though infrequently. Recent months developed constant tinnitus which I think is due to the overwhelming stress withdrawal has on my mind and body and is an added agony. I feel easily tired and overwhelmed. I am devastated by what is happening to me. I feel like I have aged 10 years in these 2 years of withdrawal with no end in sight. Brain fog, unable to concentrate and think and erratic moods have seriously impacted my ability to function. I am struggling almost everyday to do even simple things. In my messed up mind I feel like this is a manifestation of "there's no free lunch ever". The suffering and damage I am experiencing now is payback for the good Lexapro had brought me. I just hope that 6 good years will not translate into an equivalent of 6 years of agony. Though what I have typed above are mostly bleak, there are times when I am better. My mood varies throughout the day. It's true that when we are in a wave we feel we have always been like this and will always stay like this. I try to remind myself of this. That things can change and they will change. I feel my symptoms had somewhat stabilised. Most days my struggle is with depression, anxiety, restlessness, feeling lost, becoming overwhelmed and fatigued easily. I have found a lot of reassurance in this forum knowing that I am not alone in what I am going through and seeing others give names and descriptions to what I am experiencing. Much thanks to everyone here. ----------------- During my period on Lexapro I experimented with other psych drugs (Celexa, Fluvoxamine, Bupropion) for short periods. None of them had the same effect as Lexapro and I had no problem getting off them. I also used Prozac (sporadically to help cushion withdrawal symptoms) and St John's wort (March-April 2021) to help me wean off Supplements I take (not regularly) - fish oil, inositol (in small doses as it causes GI issues), magnesium, lutein, iron, Vit b complex, Sam-e. Supplements I have tried - 5-htp, L-theanine, Gaba, L-tyrosine, Ashwagandha. For me the ideal is not having to take any supplements at all. ----------------- Things I do to help myself I try to meditate and do MBCT (mindfulness based cognitive therapy) combined with TDCS/TACS (Transcranial direct current stimulation/ Transcranial alternating current stimulation) but hasn't been consistent due to periods of deep depression where basic things like getting up and self hygiene is impossible. It's a tedious cycle of falling off the wagon and having to climb back on, over and over. TDCS seemed to help at the very beginning. Meditation seems beneficial whenever I am able to get to it but it needs to be practised long term consistently to see any real changes. Whenever I fall into a depressive cycle (can happen anytime and without triggers) I haven't found anything that can really pull me out or shorten the cycle or ideally prevent me from falling into it in the first place. I try with supplements that are recommended like fish oil and magnesium but don't know if they help. I try to do things like walk or cycle when I am better. I don't follow any specific diets. I take alcohol sometimes when it gets too much to help with situation that elicits stress and anxiety. I know this is frowned upon here but it's something to help myself cope. Otherwise I stay away from alcohol. Additional note on alcohol: when I was taking Lexapro I drank more often. And It seems alcohol has a different effect on me now. -------------------- What I need I need to develop new skills that can help me cope with life stresses. Life only gets harder as I get older. I am pretty critical of myself and I need to show myself more compassion and forgiveness and not be so serious about this life. I also need to be more consistent in my efforts to help myself and in the supplements I take. I tend to shift and change my mind often and quickly. -------------------- About my eyesight Went for a check-up as I experienced halo around light sources pretty significantly a few months deep into withdrawal. The optometrist mentioned the optic nerve was slightly enlarged and asked me about familial history for glaucoma but with more tests she confirmed my eyes were fine. I know that there are studies showing SSRIs may affect vision.

Hello y'all! I'm a 24 years old med student from Europe and I took Escitalopram three years ago for anxiety and OCD. It exacerbatet the problems and led to PSSD. To counter the PSSD i recently took Trazodone and then Bupropion and after the bupropion i had a major crash and developed a blank mind, brainfog, complete emotional numbness as well as full body numbness. After two months I had windows where I felt almost back to normal until I crashed another time and now everything is even worse. What gives me a bit of hope is the fact that after this huge crash I had also some windows, but I also am in despair because I crashed after the drug witdrawal and I read the stories of Sofa and Totenkopf who never really recovered. What is now very bad is the fact that i cannot sleep at all. Like my mind is so blank that i just exist in a constant state of nothingness and I cant fall asleep at all. I slept about 1 hour in the last three days. I am super afraid that i die because I may be not able to fall asleep ever again. Thank you for your help! Taurus

Hi. I am Attila from Hungary! This will be my question: Shall i wait for improvement or can i start to decrease the doses? Sorry for my bad english.

I find the greatest irony in all of this is that I didn't experience clinical depression until I was in medical school. I still have some regret over pushing myself and being so ambitious. I know I've got a victim mentality going on and it'll be apparent in the summary below. I'm trying to change my narrative but it's a process. Fall 2013 - first diagnosed with adjustment disorder, not sure what diagnoses I actually got next but pretty sure it all neatly fit into major depressive disorder successfully treated with therapy, group therapy/support groups, daily exercise, acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, meditation, leave of absence from school, spending time with family and friends naively assumed that it was just a one-time thing and that depression does not necessarily have to be "chronic" Fall 2017 - started feeling poorly and knew I didn't have time for self-care when working 12+ hours/day and wanted to keep chugging along in my medical career and at least get a license to practice so only solution seemed to be drugs started on zoloft but experienced bad side effects so switched to lexapro 10mg and started therapy again, even took time off work for an intensive month of therapy Spring 2018 - decided to leave my toxic medical training program and put in my letter stating I'd be resigning after completing this first year of training, felt immensely better but waited a few weeks to make sure it wasn't a temporary relief before approaching my psychiatrist to wean off medication he agreed it seemed like a situational depression and we tapered off somewhat rapidly, had occasional dizziness but mostly when descending stairs in the hospital Fall 2018 - expected to feel so happy after quitting that position but immediately fell into a very deep and the deepest at that point in my life, depression really didn't want to be on medication again, continued therapy, tried to go on runs a doctor I was shadowing and hoping to work with noticed something was off and gave me a sample of the latest antidepressant which he took himself and thought was great; I tried it but had nausea/vomiting each time so only took it for a few days; might have had some dry heaving afterwards too went back to psychiatrist to restart on lexapro and we upped it to 20mg pretty fast since my depression was so severe saw PCP who could manage this as well and wanted to taper but he didn't recommend it; I went against medical advice (yup, docs really do make the worst patients ) and waited for a few months, then planned a really slow taper myself while acquiring healthier habits like exercising again and eating a more plant-based diet; finally off of it completely in February/March 2020 May 2020 - I think that's when I started stressing again and in July/August, I hit what is now my worst level of depression. I've never had so many and such intense suicidal thoughts. This is the first time I've planned and even attempted. Each time, there was still an essence in me that wanted me to live so here I am. I've also been experiencing a high level of anxiety and what felt like a slow long burning panic attack and panic attacks. I've never had any of this before. I started seeing a new therapist who at first suggested and then strongly urged me to go back on lexapro. I luckily had 1 more refill left on the medication so I didn't have to find a new doctor as I just moved to a new area. Placebo effect or perhaps being back on an SSRI which the body was so used to must be strong because I felt better the first day after I took my first pill. It's still been hard but a lot better too. I've created and been able to stick to a system of getting out of bed and exercising. This time, I've kept more detailed track of my medication and tonight should be day 20 of taking it. I have a pretty immediate question though. I read through the post on whether now is a good time to taper or not and I'm undecided on where I fit. While I am going through a tough transition right now, underemployed and currently interviewing for a better job that will certainly bring back some small level of PTSD since there will be some medical practice involved, I also am "young" in starting this new trial of lexapro so I want to quit while I'm "ahead." I am hopeful I will get this new job and even if I don't, either way will be stressful because I'll either have to learn a new position or I'll have to apply for more jobs (each job search and application leads me to panic attacks and shutting down completely). Perhaps it's better I stay on the medication so I don't even have to worry about withdrawing/relapsing again. Ugh, I'm so confused and lost. I hate this and I feel like ever since I started on medications, I've lost my previous ability level to cope. It's like my emotional pain threshold is lower. Perhaps it's because I have a diagnosis to fall back on and instead of seeing things as just another life stressor or bump in the road, I'm conditioned to see it as another relapse. I don't know. Frustrated and annoyed and hate meds.

Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!