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Hello everyone i’m a 26 years old male. End of 2017 the doctor give me mirtazapine because I was sleeping very bad for over a year. She said it wasn’t addictive and if I dont like it I can stop anytime. I never had depression or anxiety in my life the only thing was the lack of sleep. I started it in december 2017 at 15mgs in the evening. The first day I take it I got some kind of panic attack I couldnt think, everthing feels strange and my hands were tingling. I went back and asked if it was the medicine but she thinks it was just a panic attack because of the lack of sleep. I stop taking it for a couple of days. Then I started it again because the doctor assured it wasnt the medicine. When I started again the only thing I noticed when I took them are some kind of brain zaps and restless legs. But that did go away after a few weeks. Everything went good after that for 4 months,I sleep during that 4 months the only side effects i noticed were that I eat a lot and sometimes I got the tingling in my hand and feet. After the 4 months I became very scared because I was just sitting at home and out of nowhere I getting very scared and noticed that what I now know getting intrusive thoughts. I never had them in my live. Then I started googling and find out I wasnt the only one who has problems with this drug. I was so scared that I decided to quit the drugs so I went to the doctor again. This was around March 2018. She tould me to take 7,5mg for 3 weeks and after that 3,75mg for 3 weeks and then quit. When I jumped to 7,5 mg I felt great for a few weeks then I go to the 3,75mg and felt terrible I couldnt function at all I was very tired and even watching television became to much. I couldnt eat,sleep and noticed I get tinnitus and my ears got very sensitive to sounds. I hold it for a couple of weeks but then I cant take it anymore so I went back to 7,5mg and felt relief after three days. That worked for a couple of weeks but after that I noticed the intrusive thoughts are back and they would get worse. After that I googled the whole day and became obsessed about the withdrawal. I hold at the 7,5mg for a couple of months because I was to scared to decrease. Sometimes I felt good but most of the time I felt realy bad and scared that I never get better. In July of this year I decided to taper because the symptoms get very bad again. I went to the doctor and asked for the liquid mirtazapine and she agreed. At the moment I am doing a four month taper, every 2 weeks I am going to drop 1mg and at the moment Im at 4,5mg. I know it is way too fast but I never stabilize on a dose and Im already sick all the time. At this moment my symptoms are: Racing thoughts Tinnitus Nausea cant eat much losing weight. Obsessive about withdrawing Some kind of brain zaps/tension in head. Muscle twitching I get some sleep I think 4 or 5 hours but some days i dont sleep at all. I follow some topics here about mirtazapine for a while and I know it is a very bad drug.

Good morning. I have spent the last week stalking this website and thought how wonderful it was to have such a support system. So here I am. As you will see, I haven’t been on mirtazapine for very long. I was desperate at the time and needed relief like many of you have stated. I still wasn’t feeling great when upping the dose to 11.25 mg but refused to go any higher. I started seeing a functional doctor back in Aug and it turns out, I have an over active thyroid which has pooped out my adrenals. So here begins the healing process. I was put on wholefood supplements. Meaning, each ingredient has come from a whole food source. I have been off refined sugar, junk food for 3 and half months. The withdrawals from that was fun! I have been feeling better, ups and downs but I felt like I needed to be off mirtazapine in order to heal properly. If that makes sense. Knowing to decrease slowly I thought that 16% would be a good start. Nope. Within 4 days I went into withdrawals. Anxiety through the roof, nauseous and upset stomach. I immediately took my original dose and have been doing that for 6 days. I am still not 100% and I just feel exhausted, sick to my stomach in the mornings. It comes and goes. Appetite way down and little waves of anxiety. I am looking for support during my process. My husband is sweet but hearing “it will get better soon” is not helpful. I practice mindful meditation, yoga, journaling. My head is in the right space, but my body is rebellious. Can is take longer than a week for your body to build up to the dose you reinstated? I’m assuming so as every body is different but it just feels nice to hear it. To conclude this novel. Once I stabilize, my functional doctor will guide me with a taper where we will start at 2.5%. I’m thinking after the holidays so my body has time to be still. Any advice will be great. I would also like to journal my way through this here in hopes to help not only myself but others as well.

Hi I am new to this forum and this is my first post . I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine and 200mg of pregablin , I have been on these mess for about 3 to 4 months . I have just cut my mirtazapine from 30mg to 15mg and in the space of 4 days I have have horrible side effects , anxiety through the roof , shaking , lack of appetite poor sleep crying spells and the general feeling of feeling crap . The reason I have started to withdraw from the mirtazapine is that after 3 months I feel no benefit only get awfull side effects . No help with my anxiety and depression if anything it's made me more depressed . I have gone through withdrawing from Effexor and that was really tough , however just the drop for a few days of the mirtazapine has left me crushed , my doctor told me that mirtazapine was a easy drug to withdraw from , but after 4 days it has left me house bound . Has anyone got any idea on how I get through this or any experience in mirtazapine withdrawals

I started Mirtazapine 7.5 mg last year around February due to sleep issues. This dose didn't help me, and after 2 weeks I increased to 15 mg and after a month to 30 mg. However, it didn't help. So it was mid-September 2023 that I started to taper off from 30 mg to 15 mg, and was on 15 mg for 2 weeks. Being so naive about the consequences of Mirtazapine, I fast-tapered, and on the 10th of November 2023, I reduced my taper from 7.5 mg to 3.75 mg. Two days after that I lost my libido and sexual function. From the 10th of November to 14 December 2023, I was on 3.75 mg. 1. It was the 14 of December, and based on someone's advice I up-dosed to 6 mg from 3.7, for 5 days. 2. I tapered back to 4 mg till the 5th of January from 6 mg, as somebody else told me I would inflict more harm to my neurons. It means I was on varying doses from 6 to 4 for 20 days. 3. it was 12th of January that I regained all my sexual activity and libido, it normal as before. 4. By the 5th of February 2024, I tapered to 3.5 mg. 5. I again gradually lost all my libido and sexual function by Med February, and by now I have zero libido and erection. No morning, night or daily erection, my penis is shrunken and atrophied. Based on the above information, did an up-dose of 20 days help me regain my sexual function? Or it was a window from withdrawals? 1. Should I increase my dose back to 7.5 or 6 mg to regain my sexual life? 2. Should stay at the same dose of 3.5 mg and wait? 3. Should I stop altogether cold turkey 4. Or I should gradually increase the dose? PLEASE HELP me Thanks

Hi this is my first post, I ct of mirtazapine 10 months ago as per doctors recommendations and since then have been experiencing severe muscle weakness, spasms and knots. I believe my history will be included in the signature of this post? I’ve been trying all the recommended treatments like magnesium, heat etc which helps only a bit. Hoping to get help with the following questions: I’m still taking 25 mg sertraline, which I was taking before the mirtazapine, and did not experience the muscle issues. However, with my CNS kindled could the sertraline be contributing to the spasms? My understanding of mirtazapine is it hits +25 receptors so would anyone know which ones in particular could have been adversely affected to cause the muscle issues, ie histamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc? Not sure if other medications are ever recommended but wondering about the use of a muscle relaxant or other drug that could help relax the muscles without causing further damage to my CNS. Any other supplements and/or diet recommendations such as low histamine or low glutamate?

First time. Sorry if im not doing this right. So all the drugs ive been prescribed over the years have been for insomnia or for restless legs caused by the antidepressants given to me for insomnia. About a year ago i did a sleep study and was told i have mild sleep apnea and that it could be causing my insomnia. Unfortunately i haven’t been able to sleep with cpap machine. Since the sleep study ive lost 25lbs. After i lost the first 15 my sleep started to get a little better so i started tapering Amitriptyline. From Januaury-late June 2023 I tapered from 50mg down to 10mg just by eye balling it and cutting off gradually bigger pieces. I felt it everytime i cut back further. After 2-3 days i get very irritable, then some flu like symptoms and after about a week the anxiety kicks in. The lower i get the longer it lasts. My last successful taper was last June. I went from taking 12.5mg(half of a 25mg tablet) down to a 10mg tablet. After about a week i had severe anxiety. Its a horrible anxiety that i can feel physically in my upper stomach lower chest area. It took about 2 weeks before it started to go away. Since i got down to 10mg ive tried to go lower 3 times but had to go back to 10mg because i dont seem to be recovering. Ive also been struggling with insomnia ever since I hit 10mg. Before I hit 10mg i was able to taper without it affecting my sleep. When i got to 10mg i bought a scale to help taper more accurately. This is where i ran into trouble. The pills i take are 10mg tablets with a pink coating on it. But they weigh anywhere from 61mg up to 67mg. I Dont know if its the coating thats off or the medicine. After my 1st attempt to taper down from 10mg i wasnt recovering so after 1 month i went back to 10mg. I wasnt sure if it was the medicine thats off in the pills so for a couple weeks i took only pills that weighed between 63-64mg and i leveled out. I did the same thing the 2nd time around but it took about 3 weeks. But this last time ive been just mixing it up taking pills of all different weights 61-67mg. Its been 5 weeks today and although my symptoms have improved im still have a little bit of that sick anxiety feeling off and on threw out the day and trouble sleeping. I dont know if its just taking longer to level out cause of some sort of kindling effect or if its because the medicine is off in these pills. Was wondering if anyone had insight on this. I decided i wont be using the scale in the future since the weight of the pills off by as much as 10%. I bought a medicine bottle, some oral syringe adapters and a 10ml oral syringe. My plan is to use 100ml of water so that every 10ml equals 1 mg. Im just waiting to feel 100% before moving forward. Im very nervous about switching to a liquid. Just looking for advice and support. Again if anyone has any insight as to why i havent leveled out all the way after 5 weeks i would appreciate it. Thank You.

i am 2 years and 4 months mitrazpine off.I feel very bad i have still big anexity.Big pain in body in muscle.thingling in fingers in teeth.I sleep 4/5 hours .I feel very depressed and hronic tired.i have adhedonia too.I last time have windows before 6 months.Any advice what to do it ❤️?

Hi all, I have come to this website fairly late (I hope) in my journey with psych meds. I no longer take anything, but 9 weeks from my last dose of Fluoxetine I am still suffering bad waves/windows. Until May of this year, I was still suffering badly with waves/windows from Diazepam withdrawal, which began properly in June 2022. I have been off work pretty much since then. Things got a good bit better between May and August, more like a higher baseline of anxiety/vulnerability to stress, rather than the waves/windows pattern. During this time, I was doing Neurofeedback and the ketogenic diet (thanks to Dr Chris Palmer's excellent book). I was able to do a speech at a family gathering, which feels unthinkable now. In June, I started tapering from Fluoxetine, 20mg (my history with which you can see in my signature), using the liquid solution, reducing by 2mg every 3 weeks. I now realise that was too fast. In mid-August I started getting waves again. I had not done nearly as much reading into SSRI withdrawals as I had with benzos, so I assumed it was the Diazepam waves coming back (which Ashton says can happen), but then at the end of August I got one of my worst waves ever for about 4 days: suicidal depression, 0hr sleep (even during worst of benzo withdrawal I could get 2-3 hours a night), tremors, agitation. At the time, I believed that was because I was given a different brand of the liquid solution - I thought maybe more of the active ingredient was getting into my system somehow, causing serotonin syndrome (because of the tremors). But now having read about the dangers of linear tapering I am guessing that it was withdrawal from Fluoxetine, and my cliff edge was around 10mg, made worse as I was/am not yet fully recovered from the Diazepam withdrawal. However, at that stage I decided to just to jump from 10mg, partly influenced by doctors who said that would be fine. I have now read about the need to do hyperbolic tapering, but I am where I am - 9 weeks off and I do not really wish to reinstate. I am having waves/windows every 3 days, which is very different from Diazepam - that was more like 3 week waves, 1 week windows - but they do seem to be just as severe, particularly the depression. I realise that I am perhaps lucky that I was on Fluoxetine rather than another SSRI (I am well over a year out from stopping Mirtazapine, so I don't think that is likely to be playing a role still). I am interested to hear any indications/opinions from folks on here as to how long it may be before the waves disappear and I return to my previous level of function. I am encouraged by the fact that although they are regular/severe, the waves do seem to have identifiable triggers rather than totally random. This is embarrassing, but I have found that one definite trigger is orgasm/ejaculation. In that process, there is a huge release of dopamine, followed by a decrease but also an increase of a hormone called prolactin which at a high enough level can cause psychosis. I am thinking my dopamine levels/receptors are just too low, because dopamine restrains prolactin production. You may ask, why not abstain? But another clear symptom of my withdrawal is uncontrollable nocturnal emissions, which I didn't even have in my teenage years - roughly once a week, followed by a 3-day wave. I did not have obvious sexual dysfunction while on Fluoxetine, but I am thinking that this symptom is some kind of rebound hypersexuality. Finally, the other clear triggers for symptoms are sweet foods and stress. Thanks for reading - I wish you all continued, and quick, healing.

Hello, and thank you a million times for the site, I am gutted to be here. I'm so sorry I didn't fill in my history, I thought it went in the signature and didn't want to do it twice, I'm in something of a rush and feeling utterly terrible. I realized I should have but don't seem to be able to go back and fill it in. Apologies for any inconvenience. One of a thousand stupid decisions I seem to make all the time on these meds. So I'm hoping for some advice about switching. I've been on Mirtazapine for approximately 8 years and I'm reaching the point where the Gemini scales won't be accurate so I'm looking to switch. However, I switched to Prozac a couple of years ago and had a terrible time. I was manic, couldn't sleep or eat, and so went back. At the time I thought it didn't agree with me but I now realize it may have been withdrawal from the mirt that was causing the problems. I'm really sensitive, which is why I've had to change pills in the past after reactions like skin rashes so I'm worried about trying something new. I'm hoping you guys might have an idea of what I could switch to that's soluble and hopefully, easier to get off than Mirt. Also, over the 2 or 3 months I'm starting to feel depression creeping in, which I haven't had before as a withdrawal symptom, so I don't know if it's withdrawal or relapse. I can't take anything else for the depression as it'll interact so I'm thinking of going back up to 7.5 and staying there but the thought of staying on this medication makes me feel suicidal. This is complicated by the fact that I stopped drinking completely 3 weeks ago which can apparently cause depression although the depression starting earlier but it could be exacerbating it. I realize there's a chance, a good chance, that, having been on these meds for so long, and having swapped about along with being so sensitive, I might well have to stay on them forever. I'm trying to come to terms with this, but I don't want to give up giving up too easy. Many thanks again for the site, I wish I'd found you earlier, and for any advice you can offer.

Hello, I came across this website through google search "vraylar" My med history can be viewed in my signature. I have been browsing this website for a while and I finally decided to register an account. I guess I feel desperate and really need some advice meanwhile waiting for a horrendously long time to see a neurologist and an ENT doctor to check what is going on and rule out other underlying situations. I was first diagnosed as bipolar back in 2018 when I was still in college by school's healthcare center's psychiatrist. We tried Abilify first, switched to Lamictal and quetiapine after intense akathisia (it went right away when I ct abilify and switched to Lamictal and quetiapine). Then quetiapine gave me stuffy noses and by the beginning of 2019 I realize these meds didn't make me feel well at all, so I did taper on my own and became med free from 2019-end of 2021. In the beginning of 2022, due to relocation to a new city, entering master program at a nice grad school, breaking up, worrying about whether I can get a job/go into a PhD, I had intense stress and caused me want to seek help from psych med again. My school referred a nurse practitioner (later found out to be irresponsible as hell) and she put me on vraylar 1.5 mg beginning 2/11. First 2 days feel ok until 2/14 I realized that feeling of "muscles bursting out of my skin" was caused by vraylar. I talked about this with the NP and she added mirtzapine on 2/25. It did not work and the NP told me to just stop both on 2/27. The rest of my med history is in my signature. The nurse practitioner is perceived as irresponsible because she dropped me immediately after I was hospitalized and disabled my account so I can't even access my medical record. My development of symptoms: 2/14 - 2/27: intense feeling of "muscles bursting out of my skin/inner vibration" and restless/akathisia 2/28 - 3/16 (after stopping vraylar and mirtazapine): continued above symptoms, and muscle twitches/faciculation appeared: sometimes my finger, legs, and arms would twitch around. When I hold objects in my hands they tremor a lot. during hospitalization: 3/17 the inner vibration alleviated during the day (might be due to trying lorazepam at night of 3/16), then came back at night in full force through out the entire hospitalization; muscle twitches spread to head. I felt my right ear had some infection and the nurse gave me some ear drops. 3/23: discharged, severe akathisia, along with all symptoms described above. 3/24 - 3/28: inner vibration/akathisia alleviated, but came back on 3/25. 3/29: inner shaking alleviated for a day, and then came back full force on 3/30. all other symptoms continued. 3/30-4/10: a period of "inner vibration alleviated for a short while and came back throughout a day." all other symptoms continued. Starting from 4/09, a "squeaky noise" joined along with feelings of flowing sand/electro current running in the back of my head. 4/11-4/18: inner shaking was replaced by "bugs crawling under skin" and the intensity varied. On 4/11, right-ear tinnitus joined. On 4/16, a loud thump can be heard in my right ear as if the muscles in my inner ear also joined the muscle twitching symptom. 4/19-4/28: "bugs crawling under skin" almost disappeared in core area and manifested more in limbs, all other symptoms continued. 4/29-5/7: every morning when I wake up I felt something exploded in my chest and made me extremely agitated. all other symptoms continued. 5/8 - 5/22: no more morning wake up explosion. The inner vibration came back in legs. Started to have very low energy since 5/8. all other symptoms continued. 5/23: woke up with the most severe electro shot/numb feelings in my limbs, as if there was no blood flowing at all. all other symptoms continued. 5/24-5/28: strong electro shot/numb feelings in arms when lying down on back, although nothing was on my arms. all other symptoms continued. 5/31: all of a sudden full body inner vibration came back this day. all other symptoms continued. 6/1 - now: no more full body inner vibration. electro shot/numb feelings mainly manifest in hands and feet. all other symptoms continued. Now I know the symptoms that still manifest are paeathesia, tinnitus and faciculation. They are still very disabling and by no means I am functioning. The faciculation has dropped from around 70 tics/hour to around 20-50 tics/hour. I am just very scared that it might be permanent and that even if I healed, all other non-psych medications that didn't give me trouble in the past would trigger all of these terrible symptoms again in the future. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to be stimulating or make my situation worse, but nothing helps neither.

I have a long history of anxiety, was on chlorpromazine and diazepam as a teenager; I'm now 67. Developed OCD in 1970s. Drug-free till 1990s. Developed CFS in 1986, OCD worsened and developed depression over the next 5 years. Prozac from 1991 till 1994, helped to some extent, then OCD worsened again. Switched to dosulepin in 1994, then to clomipramine on the advice of a clinical psychologist in July 1994. Helped a little with the OCD, but to everyone's surprise helped a lot with the CFS. Have been on clomipramine since then, doses from 25 to 125 mg - mostly between 50 and 100mg. The OCD resolved in 1997 after various non-drug therapies, but have continued with the clomipramine because it helped the CFS - usually a dose increase would help after a setback. Since about 2005 the doses my GP allowed did not help the CFS.....tried citalopram in 2007, no better and had a nasty reaction 4 weeks after stopping the clomipramine/starting citalopram - extreme anxiety and uncontrollable shaking. At the time, scared it might be serotonin syndrome - the citalopram had just started to "kick in" - but maybe it was clomipramine withdrawal. Tried dosulepin again in mid 2007 - that made me anxious and did not help the CFS, so switched back to clomipramine. I would like to reduce it.....currently having supply problems in the UK as some manufacturers have stopped producing it, and the constipation is really getting me down. I'm currently on 50mg/day, but my GP and I are talking about reducing it....not sure it's helping any more (the CFS is greatly improved these days, irrespective of clomipramine dose), and would like to find out if I can cope without it.

Iv been on lorazepam from last nov til this March ..for sleep.. a private dr gave this! When he never should of..I did not know it should not be given, I reinstated it for a month as I came off it for a week and tapered off it for that one week, and experienced terrible withdrawals when I went back on it, I was taking 1mg to 2 mg… I tried switching to diazepam for 5 weeks 10mg to 3.5mg became suicidal, I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days given quetiapine once and diazepam 5 mg once …I became totally unstable after this with rocking sensations and I could not sleep and my tinnitus got so bad ! I stopped putting anything in my body…. And became totally suicidal was eratic! pacing and having no sleep, I lost a lot of weight. And my anxiety became depersonalisation and I separated from my body! I ended up not being able to eat of drink and loosing control of my bowels, I was put into another mental hospital put on risperidone at 6mg I was in a constant physcosis in the mental hospital in so much pain, praying to god! I was in there on 2 weeks I was let out and stopped for 5 days, I started it again on 3mg and became very unwell for 10 days I started loosing control of my bowels and in a lot of pain, all over my body, feeling of burning, all over my body, I became eratic and went into another mental hospital and put on quetiapine at 400mg and mitazipine at 30mg for 2months I’m in a lot of pain and in hell !!! What do I do? I can’t feel anything ! thank you emma x

Hello everyone, This is my first post and I want to apologize for my poor English, I’m a French Canadian. I will try my best! My story started in 2007, when my GP put me on mirtazapine because I was suffering a big bout of insomnia, following a stressful year. I was a young 27 year old woman without any health issue and I was very naive at this time. I trusted my GP a lot. Big mistake! I went to see a psychologist and did some cbt. This allowed me to taper down my mirt, so after 5 months of tapering, I stopped mirtazapine. Of course, no one has told me about withdrawal syndrome, so I thought that the rebound of insomnia (from mirtazapine) was a relapse. This is where my GP decided that I had a general anxiety disorder. I was now labeled. She put me on celexa 20mg (with seroquel 25mg). 4 months later, I got pregnant, so my dear GP asked me to quit Celexa and seroquel asap. I immediately stopped seroquel and I tapered down celexa from feb 2009 and stopped it by July 2009, at 6 months of pregnancy (My GP assured me it was safe for my baby). I already had the intuition that a rapid weaning was not a good idea. I didn’t suffer any w/d symptoms at that time and finished my pregnancy in pretty good shape. Few months later, 2 months after giving birth, I had a relapse of anxiety in the form of my dear insomnia coming back. Of course, my GP wanted to put me back on AD. This is where we started to have trouble finding an AD that was working for me. Celexa wasn’t working anymore. I tried cymbalta and it wasn’t working either. I tried Paxil and it finally worked. I stayed on Paxil for four years and a half. By mid 2014, after some stressful events, I started to feel that it wasn’t working anymore. My GP asked me to quit Paxil fast then switch to mirtazapine. So I quit Paxil within 3 weeks. After the last dose, I had very hard time for the first 3 weeks. Then she put me on mirtazapine 30mg and Pristiq 50mg. I stayed on this cocktail for some years. At some point, I asked my GP if I could stop my AD, but she explained to me condescendingly that I was like a diabetic with insulin, I couldn’t live without those meds. She was destroying my self confidence. In 2018, I decided to stop Pristiq because I wanted to have only one AD to take. I taper down Pristiq , by switching to effexor, relatively slowly (but more than 10%) and stopped it by January 2019. My GP upped my dosage of mirtazapine to 45mg to compensate. This is where problems started. I didn’t feel any w/d symptoms in the beginning, but slowly, during the next months, I started to feel more and more anxiety. By May, I had a big relapse of anxiety related insomnia. I overcame my insomnia with cognitive behavioral therapy, without any meds. This gave me some confidence so I decided to wean myself of any drugs. I started a slow taper of mirtazapine . I decreased my dose by 10% each 2 weeks. In august, I reached 30mg of mirtazapine and decided to make a little break from tapering and stayed on that dose for few weeks. Unfortunately, during that break, I’ve had the biggest relapse of anxiety of ALL my life! Of course, my GP asked me to return at 45mg of mirtazapine. But it didn’t improve my mood. Since then, I’m struggling with a lot of anxiety and I’m not able to get rid of it. I’m experiencing big mood swings. Sometime I see some improvement, then the next week I fall again in a deep hole of anxiety. I don’t understand myself anymore. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own body! Worst of all, 4 weeks ago, I started to have OCD like obsessive thoughts and that’s very unusual to me, because I never had OCD before and I'm 40! I’m actually seeing a good psychologist, but even with that, I’m not able to cope. So I’m here and I really don’t know what to do. I’m very desperate because I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I have the feeling that mirtazapine is pooping out and that it causes some of my problems. Maybe I’m always on the rebound of stopping Pristiq to. Who knows! This is why I would like to stop this drug and heal myself from all this toxic stuff!! Sorry, I had a lot to say... Thank you

Hi, I took Mirtazapine 15mg for 2 weeks and stopped due to severe side effects. I tried Amitriptyline 20mg, i took it for about 3 weeks but it started making me very dizzy so i stopped. Started Mirtazapine 7.5mg again as it was helping me initially for sleep, but it did not help as before so i stopped it again after 2 weeks. After all this, i came to know that these medications should be wean off or taper gradually. None of the Dr's i saw educate me about it. now i am 3 months off these medications, i get anxiety, restlessness in waves, my sleep is very broken but since last 2 weeks i feel very tired and fatigue even without doing anything. will this pass? is it the part of recovery process? Is there anything i can do about it? Any reccomendations?

Hi there! Need a bit of advice. My father passed away Christmas Eve :-( I have been on mirtazapine 15mg for 4 years. Since my father passed I have been experiencing a lot of strange & worrying stuff which I can only explain as withdrawal symptoms from mirtazapine. Depression - severe, insomnia, mind chatter, body buzzing, twitches, jerks of legs/arms, panick attack, anxiety etc. I went to see my doctor as my friends and family are concerned. She wants me to up my dose but am not sure i should do it. Could it make things worse? I feel upping may cause more problems. I felt sooo depressed this morning and slowly withdrawing from everybody...scared! Thanks in advance.

Dear SA team, Can you please help me/advise me regarding my issues with Mirtazapine? I was told by my psychiatrist that I simply stop taking 15mg Mirtazapine per night (I have been taking it for 18 months). He said that there shouldn't be a withdrawal period due to me also being put on Quetiapine (25mg per night) around 6 months ago. 17 days ago, I started to reduce my Mirtazapine intake from 1x 15mg tablet per night, to 1x15mg tablet every 3 nights. In the first 14 days I had horrible withdrawal symptoms including significant cognitive impairments like brain fog, dizziness, inability to think straight, forgetfulness, loss of coordination, feeling very spaced out mentally. I also found it very difficult to fall asleep, being awake until 9am on some nights. I then experienced palpitations a few nights ago around 2am which persisted all night long. Out of desperation, I took half a tablet (7.5mg Mirtazapine) at about 4am. However it seemed to do little- the palpitations persisted and I didn't fall asleep until 8am and only slept a couple of hours here and there. These palpitations stayed with me for several days. I rang my psychiatrist and he advised me to either stop taking the Mirtazapine entirely or to go back to taking it 1x15mg per night (my original dose). I came across your section on Kindling and became afraid that if I take the original dosage again, it might have a bad effect. I tired to call my psychiatrist back to ask this question, however his secretary told me that he couldn't see me until April and that he'd already advised me on this. 3 nights ago, I started taking half a tablet each night. It seemed to do nothing for the first day. However yesterday I felt calmer during the day insofar as the palpitations stopped. They did re-appear last night though. Today also the palpitations seem absent. However I have been worried by how energised and overstimulated I feel despite existing on just a couple of hours of sleep. Whilst I'm very thankful that the palpitations have relented (at least during the daytime yesterday and today) it worries me that I still feel overstimulated. Could this lead to akathisia/ mania due to taking too much (half the original dose 7.5mg)? Or is it because I'm taking too little and this is simply anxiety? Can you please recommend me a reinstatement dosing amount? I don't know what else to do right now. I am terrified of this getting worse (and potentially becoming permanent?) and am not receiving any proper help from my psychiatrist. I really don't know what to do here. I just want to know how much I should take that is a safe reinstatement amount. Is half a tablet too much? Will it lead to kindling? Or is it too little and I need to go back to the full amount to get better? Is this overstimulation a sign of kindling or is it an anxious nervous system? Mirtazapine is also a unique drug in that it functions more strongly as a sedative at lower doses and as an anti depressant in higher doses. So shouldn't the half tablet be a stronger sedative for my nervous system than the full tablet? Sorry if the information is a bit all over the place, my mind isn't coherent right now. I would greatly appreciate any advice given. Thank you very much, Brendan.

Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave

Hello Everyone! My name is Tomek, I'm 33 years old and my miserable adventure with antidepressant started 9 years ago in December 2009. My entire history with antidepressants is in my Signature. Suffice to say that I had some experience with withdrawing from many meds especially from SSRI and benzodiazepines. Xanax withdrawal. In 2014 after an accident I was very much addicted to Xanax, taking it every day. During that time I had some very unpleasant incident with this med. On one Sunday I started to feel extremely bad. From very early morning to late night I had many unpleasant symptoms like: extreme sweating (all the time I looked like I've just had a shower), muscle pain, muscle stiffness, tachycardia, extremely dry mouth and problems with my eyesight. I completely stopped taking Xanax at that moment. I was in this terrible state for the next five days. The good thing is that after this incident I practically stopped taking benzos for good. During the last 4 years, I've taken them maybe once per year and even that in very small doses. The bad thing is that since then I still have problems with my eyesight, specifically, my eyes have some strange problem with focusing on objects, like my vision becomes shaky when I try to focus my eyes. To this day I'm still not 100% sure what happened to me. Was it benzo withdrawal like my psychiatrist suggested or something else, for example, serotonin syndrome (I was on Clomipramine and Mirtazapine back then). After this incident for the next 6 months, I had a terrible anxiety almost every day. Anyway, in December 2014 I started taking Paroxetine 30mg (Seroxat) again. Since September 2014 I’m also on Mirtazapine 15mg. From 2015 to 2017 I actually felt pretty well on those meds. Even problems with my eyesight weren't very bothersome, although it never completely healed after the incident with benzos. Paroxetine withdrawal. Finally, at the end of 2017, after 3 years I decided to start withdrawing from those meds. My liver tests weren't very good so that's one of the reasons but not only. My first attempts weren’t really successful as I hesitated between 30mg and 20mg. During January 2018 I went three times between those doses. One of the reasons is that my close friend died during that time. This made me feel very depressed and anxious. I don't know if this was because of changing those doses or because I was very stressed back then but I started to feel physically ill. I was nauseous, weak, I had dizziness and photophobia. After three weeks I started to feel a little better. I decided to tamper the doses very gradually. For two weeks I was reducing from 30mg to 20mg. After that, I stopped reducing and was on 20mg for 2 months. Then again reducing from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks. Then 3 months on 10mg and after that reducing to 0mg for 3-4 weeks. I finally stopped taking Paroxetine in August 11th 2018r. Changing the dose slowly from 30mg to 20mg wasn't that bad. However, going from 20mg to 10mg was a whole different story. I had unpleasant brain zaps and was nauseous. The worse part was actually my mental state. I was constantly irritated, even the smallest things could make me feel angry. Never in my life felt something like that. Fortunately, after 2-3 weeks, I started to feel better. Not as good as before changing the dose but I could make through the day without hitting my desk with fists. So somewhere in the middle of July, I decided to finally go for it and try to reduce my dose to 0mg. During it, my photophobia and afterimages increased. On August 11th, 2018 was the first day since more than 3 years that I finally survived the day without Paroxetine. Since then I'm depressed almost every day, especially in the mornings, a few times I had panic attacks during the night and couldn't sleep. I'm still on Mirtazapine so that helped me with sleeping. Then fun fact though is that without Paro I managed to finally go on vacation after 5 years ;-). In the past, I always felt too lazy to go somewhere. Mirtazapine withdrawal. My next plan was to withdraw from Mirtazapine. I started reducing doses from 15 mg to something like 11mg at the end of September. At the end of October, I was on 7.5 mg for almost three weeks. Unfortunately, I started feeling worse, more often had panic attacks and my eyesight went even worse. At the beginning of November, I've returned to 15mg but that didn't help me very much. My eyes still have a problem with focusing and my vision is shaky, I'm experiencing brain zaps although they're not as strong as they were before. At this point, I'm not sure if it is a good idea to withdrawing from Mirtazapine so fast when I've just stopped taking Paroxetine like 3 months ago. On the other hand, I really want to try to get off this med. I apologize for any mistakes in this text due to my poor English.

Hello everyone, I’m so pleased to have found you all and very happy to be signed up to SA 😊 I’m here for my mum who was born in 1947 and is 76 years old. It’s taken me a while to get round to writing this, (massive), introduction, and some of the details are a little sketchy as mum’s memory of events aren’t always too clear. I really need some insight and advice so that I can help my mum so please let me give you some history and background – I’ll try to keep it brief! My mum has lived most of her life between Ireland and Scotland. I live in Scotland and, up until the end of 2013, my mum would split her time between her own home in Ireland and my home in Scotland. In 2013 she went to her doctor (GP) in Ireland and was referred to psychiatry and prescribed sertraline (50mg initially) for low mood and anxiety. Mum continued to take sertraline for the next three years (2013 – 2016) and was, at some point prescribed risperidone for 3 days but it made mum feel drowsy - we don’t know quite when or why this antipsychotic was prescribed but we are waiting to receive her medical records and should have a clearer picture then. I’m not sure after this date (2016) if there were any changes to mum’s meds but in February 2017 – May 2017, mum was admitted to the local psychiatric hospital presenting as catatonic and then delirious / psychotic. During her stay at the hospital, she was diagnosed with psychotic depression and received seven ECT sessions, her sertraline was increased to 200mg and olanzapine was introduced at 10mg twice a day (20mg in total) From 2017 – 2018 her drugs remained the same. In March 2018 mood dipped and we think her olanzapine may have been increased. In June 2019 re-admission to the psychiatric hospital was considered due to earlier catatonic symptoms reappearing. She avoided admission and recovered, her sertraline was switched to venlafaxine 150mg and then increased to 225mg. In November 2019 Mirtazapine (15mg) was added and in February 2020 pregabalin was introduced for anxiety (initially at 25mg twice a day but then upped to 50mg twice a day) As far as we are aware there were no changes to mum’s psychiatric meds until 2023. I should also add that she is on several other meds for other medical conditions – please see drug signature. Between 2014 and 2022 my mum remained in Ireland and, although she seemed well a good deal of the time, there would be periods where her mood was very low, and her anxiety really heightened. Sometimes when mum was like this the doctor would prescribe diazepam to help reduce the severe anxiety. When mum’s mood was low she would become increasingly anxious about everything and anything and, when spending time with my brother and his two younger children, she was very anxious that they would injure themselves or come to some harm. It was clear to me and my brother that this debilitating anxiety and constant worry was stopping her from being able to enjoy life and her grandchildren (she has always found most joy when being around her children and grandchildren). We could also see that mum’s physical health was deteriorating and we decided, in 2022, and with mum’s agreement, that it would be best if she permanently moved over to Scotland to be close to me so that I could support and be with her on a much more regular, daily basis. Mum’s mood and anxiety continued to fluctuate throughout 2022 and, due to other external factors, we couldn’t move her over here quite as quickly as we’d hoped. At the end of September 2022 she was, once again, in a very anxious/ catatonic state and narrowly avoided being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. She went to stay with my brother and his family for a week while we organized her coming over here. Although we’re not entirely certain, (as mum was living on her own), it does seem, prior to these more severe unwell periods, that mum was falling into a very anxious state and would stop eating, sleeping and we think perhaps stop taking her meds for maybe one or two doses. Mum was now living in Scotland with me, and her mood started to improve throughout October. She was offered a flat within the retirement housing complex, just a 10 minute walk away from me. With mum in Scotland we began to see a definite pattern to her mood - she would be well for around a month and then her mood would drop, out of nowhere and with no obvious trigger, and she would be super anxious with low mood for around 2 weeks and then would slowly start to improve again. In January 2023 I printed off a mood chart and we filled it in daily. In February 2023 mum had her first appointment with her new psychiatrist, (I have always been present during these appointments). I expressed concerns around seeing what I thought were some mild signs of tardive dyskinesia and mum was happy to start reducing her olanzapine with her psychiatrist’s support. The psychiatrist did not warn us about withdrawal effects or warn us to look out for anything and I, much to my deep regret, was completely unaware of the impact and dangers around dose changes in psychiatric drugs. Mum was on 15mg olanzapine, which was initially reduced to 10mg for 3 months, then to 7.5mg for 3 months, then to 5mg for 3 months. During the summer of 2023 mum experienced pain in her hip which her GP prescribed additional pregabalin for, increasing her daily dose of 50mg twice a day to 50mg twice a day with the addition of 100mg twice a day to help the pain (thereby taking her daily dose potentially up to 300mg). Mum did experience some dizziness around this time which we put down to the increased pregabalin dose. Throughout 2023 mum’s pattern continued in the same fashion as before and I noticed nothing untoward. Mum had an excellent October, remaining well for almost the entire month and I felt sure I was seeing a reduction in the tardive dyskinesia mouth movements. On October the 23rd mum’s olanzapine was further reduced from 5mg to 2.5mg. On the 26th of October mum was given her combined covid and flu vaccination – the very next day, (27th October,) she felt nauseous, dizzy, freezing cold and had general flu-like symptoms. After reading the patient info leaflet from the jag we assumed these symptoms were a side effect of the vaccination and didn’t for one moment consider that they could be related to the drop in her olanzapine dosage just a few days before… After 3 – 4 days she felt physically better but her mood had dipped - we weren’t surprised, she’d had a good month of feeling well and her mood was due to dip anyway, according to her pattern. Although mum had a tough week her mood seemed to be lifting and we went off to her psychiatry appointment. The psychiatrist asked mum how she was and she said she was OK and her mood was lifting – he asked her if she ever felt suicidal and she said no (she has never felt suicidal) he also asked if she suffered from SAD and she said no – she, like me, actually enjoys winter and the festive season very much. The psychiatrist told her to finish off her new 4 week prescription of olanzapine at 2.5mg and then she would be finished with olanzapine for good. That evening, around 6.30pm I said goodnight to mum, took a bag of her washing home with me that she asked me to do and said I’d see her tomorrow. I didn’t get any response from mum to my early morning text and, at 11.15am I decided to go and see where she was and what she was up to. I found mum unconscious in her living room – at some point during the night before she must have slipped into a delusional state and she had taken all of her month’s supply of tablets and all of the extra pregabalin that she had been prescribed. She also left a bizarre note about not wanting to be a big lady which made no sense. Mum was rushed by ambulance to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at a local hospital and my brother and I were told to prepare ourselves for the worst – she was not expected to survive. Remarkably, and against all the odds, my wee mum survived this terrible ordeal of which she has no memory, (she also has no memory of her stay at the psychiatric hospital in 2017 when she experienced psychosis). It was at this time that I started to become aware of the damaging effect of these drugs and I became convinced that what had happened to mum was most likely due to a too rapid reduction in her olanzapine. During her stay at hospital her psychiatrist visited her and as good as reprimanded her for trying to take her own life. She was experiencing an extremely low mood, confusion and some delirium at this time, she was also classed as an adult without capacity. Despite this, her psychiatrist decided to cold turkey her from all of her psychiatric meds (olanzapine, venlafaxine, mirtazapine and pregabalin) without discussing this with any family member. He did not believe that mum was experiencing withdrawal symptoms and said that any withdrawal symptoms would be long past by now. I was now also learning the dangers of abruptly stopping psychiatric meds and I became very worried for my mum’s health and this new course of action. After a phone call with me, the psychiatrist did agree to reinstate mum’s olanzapine at 5mg, at my request, and her venlafaxine, but only at 75mg. I was still worried and could see that mum was deteriorating – mum was transferred to the local psychiatric hospital and the new psychiatrist was not willing to consider my request of reinstating her mirtazapine and venlafaxine at 225mg but she did agree to increase her venlafaxine to 150mg. A few days later and, after seeing no improvement in mum she decided that mum was having paranoid thoughts so she increased mum’s olanzapine to 7.5mg without discussing this with me – she also suggested that if mum was to experience withdrawal symptoms, like I suggested she was, she would treat them with lorazepam! She, like the other psychiatrist did not agree that mum was experiencing withdrawal and she also said that any withdrawal would be over by now. I was upset to discover that mum’s care was in the hands of another psychiatrist who wasn’t following the NICE guidelines on withdrawing psychiatric meds and was in denial about the severity or seriousness of possible withdrawal effects. I would love nothing more than for my mum to be off all of these meds but I knew that this cold turkey method could be incredibly damaging. From the day her original psychiatrist made the decision to cold turkey her It took me a total of 18 days and a formal complaint before mum’s meds were reinstated on the 11th of December, at her previous dosage and the olanzapine reduced back to 5mg (I had great support from the mental Welfare Commission, by the way, just in case anyone else needs support). I don’t yet know if I did the right thing, but it was difficult to find advice. Within a week mum’s mood was back to being really good, her memory was dramatically improved, and all confusion was gone. She continued to improve over the next couple of weeks and was officially discharged from hospital on the 3rd of January - no one in the hospital could believe how well and quickly she had recovered. Apparently, according to one of the nurses, the average stay in the psychiatric hospital is 6 – 12 months. Mum was there for just 4 1/2 weeks and spent the best part of those caring for her fellow patients! So, we find ourselves almost back to square one. Mum came home and stayed with me from the 3rd of January 2024 until the 11th – she then went home but was, unfortunately only well for one day and night and the following day her mood dipped again – I was anxious about what had previously happened so brought her back to stay with us until her mood improved or until I had “GrannyCam” (Echo Show) installed so that I could keep a closer eye on her. Mum has only just gone back to her wee flat (29th January 2024) and she is still pretty anxious although she is improving slowly. And this is where we find ourselves. Many, many thanks for reading so far…😊 I am really hoping that I can help support mum to get her off her psychiatric meds – she and I are under no illusions and, given the dosage and time that she has been on this hellish cocktail of meds we are aware that there is an extremely long road ahead of her. I am hoping, initially, that you guys can help me specifically with the following questions: · Would you recommend that mum take her tablets at different times throughout the day (she has morning and evening meds - venlafaxine and pregabalin are taken in the morning and olanzapine, pregabalin and mirtazapine in the evening), and if so, when would you suggest? · I feel that the first drug to taper should be the remaining 5mg of Olanzapine – do you think this is right? · When do you think it would be the right time to restart the olanzapine taper? And does anyone know if I can source taper strips in the UK on the NHS? · Has anyone ever experienced these periods of wellness and then periods of low mood and severe anxiety in a pattern such as I’ve described? Could these be some kind of Waves and Windows, bearing in mind that she was experiencing them prior to starting any kind of drug reduction · What can I do to help mum with this terrible anxiety? I have very recently bought her some chelated magnesium and she has had a couple of low doses of that over the last few days (but has avoided taking them 2 hours before or after her pregabalin, as per the SA advice on magnesium) · I am obviously very worried that there may be a repeat of what happened to mum on the evening of the 9th of November given that, aside from the flu like symptoms, there wasn’t much to warn me to be on the look out for such a severe reaction. Do you think that now that I know a little about what to look out for with withdrawal symptoms I will be able to pick up on times like this should they arise in the future when mum is tapering from her meds? Any and all advice will be extremely welcome – thank you all so much in advance and my apologies for the massive essay! Chris (tine) 😊💚 x x

( mod note, mmt) Ewa's Introduction topic is here: Ewa;Cymbalta 60 mg coldturkey My name is Ewa, I’m 49 years young and I have recovered from the voyage to hell that was initiated by cold turkey from 20 years of antidepressants use. In the title SHE is my daughter (now 12 years old) my first and main reason to stay here, second is my husband Eric who was my caregiver and was there for me unwaveringly, third information about withdrawal from this website (was my first website I found when looking for answers) and others like it, success stories of people who came through victorious, and relentless search for truth. On February 2018 I cold turkey from 60mg of Cymbalta (December 2017 I turned 44 years old) almost instantly I was in altered state of consciousness (in medical community labeled as mania, I dislike their terminology but I will use it here in parenthesis) had out of body experiences and visions (not hallucinations) one of them was my mothers trauma I didn’t know about. I was in trans like state very euphoric, didn’t need much sleep, had diarrhea for about one month, metallic taste in my mouth, could not eat meat and other foods. I was functioning but in different way. Gradually I was coming down from euphoria, it took 8 months and one day it was clear to me that I was very much different in past months (I had that awareness during but was not afraid of it) also I started to feel internal vibration that I thought was anxiety (never had anxiety before in my life). In the end of August 2018 I went back on 60 mg Cymbalta plus 0.5 mg Ativan (first time in my life I was put on benzodiazepine), two weeks into being back on drugs I became suicidal. Every two months I was in hospital changed the antidepressant Ativan stayed the same 0.5 mg twice a day or as needed. My condition was worsening and in January 2019 I did ketamine which put me further down the hell. By this time my diagnosis changed from depression (my original sign 😉) to treatment resistant depression, all they have left for me was ECT, I had 8 sessions in total and after last one as I was walking out of hospital (for my last two sessions I was outpatient, for so called maintenance sessions) I heard just a whisper of my own soul “Ewa you have to find your own way out of here, if you stay,there will be no coming back”, by this time I was a shell of my former self, a mare shadow of a human being, that upon waking from last ECT had to guess what year it was, I was successful in this but the president of USA in 2019 was still Obama.As soon as I got home I went on internet and found this website, my search for my own way out of hell has begun. At that time I was on Zoloft and Ativan, I decided to cold turkey again (two months taper) and in May 2019 my drug free life has begun. The level of suffering has intensified greatly and stayed the same for two years. I did not have windows not even one. I had severe insomnia, slept 2 or 3 or 0 hours, anhedonia, depersonalization, déréalisation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and urges, memory loss, cognition loss, complete loss of appetite, my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat and it was two bites at the time, I didn’t shower for weeks only when I was on my period (I never lost my menstruations still have it now), all consuming terror was always there, didn’t brush my teeth (had to have 3 crowns last year), I had light sensitivity sunny days in summer where extra torture, sounds sensitivity (I love music but in that state was torture), my whole body was stiff like I was log of wood very hard wood. Adrenaline rushes like toxic waves through my body, Agoraphobia ( was mostly bad bound), apathy, confusion, crying it was more wailing like a caged animal I became. Inner trembling, lethargy, complete loss of libido, during my very short sleep I manage to have nightmares. Tinnitus was not severe and it went away after about one year. January 3 2020 I wrote this “All I want is to be able to be a mother and wife again ! I love Chloe and Eric so much” at that time I had all the symptoms I listed above. Also I have to add that during my altered state of consciousness (mania) April 2018 I had breast lift surgery(it was scheduled in 2017), day after walking up the stairs I heard myself saying “it is not normal to cut healthy body” , this procedure so accepted and even praised by our sick society is a band aid in form of self mutation to secure love and approval of others behind which is a very deep pain. I had infection and was put on very strong antibiotics, further destroying my got. (I have to go to my appointment now second part of my root canal treatment, I will continue later on today, I will submit this now because I don’t know how to save this and don’t want to loose it 😊) Thank you to my father Jan whom I love deeply, it was from his life journey and strength I drew inspiration to go on.

I’m not doing well at all. I feel like I’ve lost my entire life these past 7 months. I’m extremely afraid, depressed and anxious and in so much pain and discomfort on a daily basis. I am unable to work, I can’t eat, I can’t take care of my children. This pain has had a detrimental affect on my husband and children as well as it has robbed them of their mother and wife that they knew. I don’t know how I will live like this. The pain had debilitated me and has caused severe anxiety and depression. I have 3 young children who need their mom well. I don’t have any help and I’ve taken it upon myself to figure this all out. I am really praying and hoping you can help me get the right help so my kids can have their mom well again. It all started for me in June 2020 when I stopped taking an antidepressant. I had been on low dose Mirtazapine (7.5mg) For about 10 months (August 2019 - June 2020) when I decided to stop. With the advice of my doctor I weaned down for 1 week. She told me to reduce the dose to 3.75 mg for 1 week. That was it. A few weeks after stopping the Mirtazapine, I began having intense rectal/vaginal/ perineal pressure. I couldn’t pinpoint where the pain was actually coming from. I thought that it was maybe from the increased bowel movements from the withdrawal. I was having about 5-6 bowel movements a day for about a week. During this time I was also put on Amoxicillin for a possible tick bit. I was a on the Amoxicillin for 14 days. The pressure feeling eventually was less intense (it still happens) but then one day in July I felt like a had a UTI. It can only be described as a tickle down in the ******/clitoris/ urethra like the urethra was holding pee. I kept going to that bathroom and most times not much would come out and after I would pee there was a burning sensation. It was never painful when I peed, only after I urinated. It was a constant feeling like I was needing to pee. I started to notice that some times my urine stream was weaker at times, sometimes it was hard to start the stream, and that the stream was sometimes spasmodic. I immediately started researching and came across something called interstitial cystitis. I called me doctor who ordered some tests (ultrasound, X-ray, urine and swabs) and they all came back normal. I stopped eating in fear that the food would aggravate the possible IC. This did not help the pain. I am still trying to log what I eat to see if it is food related. The urologists I spoke to ran some tests and said it was too soon to come up with a diagnosis of IC and that my symptoms didn’t quite fit with the diagnosis. I went to the emergency a few times to get some help and each time I was told to take some antibiotics even though the urine results were negative. I took one round which didn’t help. I have also had vaginal swabs done to rule out any type of infection. The pain seems to get triggered first thing in the morning after I have a morning pee and bowel movement. The pain can be described as burning, raw, gnawing, throbbing, pinching. I also have a feeling of arousal that I was describing as a tickle/tingle. After that morning pee and bowel movement, the pain stays with me all day and gets more and more aggravated each time I pee, have a bowel movement, sit, and/or drive. It is an intense burning, pinching, gnawing feeling in my ******, sometimes around the entire vulva, the urethra and clitoris, but mainly high up in the ******. Because my mental health has greatly been affected, my doctor put me on Amitriptyline (5 mg/day) in August. I took this for 9 days. It did not help my mood, but in fact it made me feel more doom and gloom and didn’t help me sleep. In September, I started to have orgasms in my dream. These orgasms wake me up. Upon waking I can still feel the throbbing sensation. It feels as if the orgasm throbbing doesn’t go away. This lasts all day and it is accompanied by a burning pain that radiates my whole pelvic area. When I orgasm in my sleep the next few days are really excruciating for me with pain and throbbing discomfort in my urethra and clitoris. It’s as if the muscles are still spasming from the orgasm and I just keep having orgasms all day. The sleep orgasms happen between the hours of 4-6am, and that is usually the time I am ready to have a bowel movement. I can feel the bowel area spasming inside, which is the same feeling as when the sleep orgasms happen. I am afraid to go to sleep because I am afraid this will happen during my sleep. I do not have sex with my husband because I don’t want to be touched in that area at all. It all feels so raw and painful that being touched there is the last thing I want to do. The pain also radiates to my groin area and it can be described as a stabbing, aching pain and it can also be felt in the pubic bones. I have the arousal type feeling some days but it doesn’t make me want to masturbate or relieve myself at all. It’s more like an annoying itch or like a tickle that comes and goes. It seems to be triggered every time I have a bowel movement in the morning and then when I urinate throughout the day. I try to apply ice to relieve the pain but that doesn’t seem to help. There are times when the throbbing just happens and doesn’t stop. I do suffer from leg pain and I have been for 2 years now. It sometimes radiates to my feet. I was tracking it to see if it was related to my cycle, which it seemed to be for some time, but now I am unsure. I do get achy legs, hands, arms during the month a few times, but the doctors I saw about it 2 years ago just called it fibromyaliga. More recently when I sit on the couch with my legs out, I experience a burning sensation in my face, left leg and ankle, foot and head. It’s a tingling burning feeling. Sometimes my left foot feels cold and burning. There are times when the rectal/perineal pressure made me feel constipated and sometimes I was and sometimes I wasn’t. I tried for a while to use suppositories and laxatives to see if that would help relieve the pressure. I was seen by my GI doctor to rule this issue out and he performed a flex-sig and a pelvic MRI and the only thing he saw were internal hemorrhoids. He didn’t think that would cause this issue. I am currently using a vaginal suppository with lidocaine, a muscle relaxant and Valium. It’s only been a few weeks. I can’t really say if it’s working yet as it doesn’t provide relief from the burning and spasming during the day. I don’t take any other medications currently, because of my fear of them now and because nothing has been suggested to me yet that will alleviate all my symptoms. I am only taking natural supplements - vitamin D, B complex, Omega, Vitamin C. I work with an accupuncturist, massage therapist, osteopath, a pelvic physiotherapist and a psychotherapist. These things have not changed my level, intensity or frequency of my pain/discomfort. My pelvic physiotherapist thinks that I have a highly sensitive nervous system, from coming off the meds, and she is working with me to “retrain” the pain sensations to the brain. One pelvic physiotherapist said I have some tension in my pelvis. One doctor, after speaking with me for 10 diagnosed me with PGAD and gave me an expensive ointment, that didn’t work. One doctor I saw says he thinks I have PN on the left side from my child birth 7 years ago. Another doctor said, after doing a Tinel’s test, that it may be Pudendal nerve irritation on the right side. They have suggested a nerve block to see if the symptoms get alleviated. I am left so frustrated, confused and feeling hopeless. I keep getting passed off and I’m left to find my own help and fight for my life. I have no plan, no relief of symptoms and I am spiralling more and more into a deep dark place. I have had an extensive workup done - Flex sigmoidoscopy, pelvic MRI with contrast, head MRI, Spine MRI, sacrum MRI, hormone blood tests, vaginal swabs, urine tests, Pudendal Nerve MNR. I was told that the PN nerve MNR is not a great test as it gives a 70% false negative. Nothing seems to indicate a reason for this problem according to the doctors I have seen. The spine MRI showed - “there is narrowing of the left lateral recess with impingement of the traversing left S1 nerve root which is swollen.” Over the past 2 months I have also developed low back pain, hip, bum and sits bone pain. It is a deep ache and burning. It is also triggered after I have a bowel movement in the morning and then causes pain when I sit throughout the day. I have spent a lot of time sitting for the last 7 months because I have become so paralyzed with fear and anxiety and depression. I also have vulva stabbing/pinching pain on the left side. I’ve lost a lot of weight, my hair is falling out and I have no energy to work to take care of my kids. I’ve complete become a different person. I was never like this. I was a strong, educated woman, and a mother who was able to live a great life before all of this. I’m trying hard to believe in the mind body approach but I just don’t know if there is hope for me. I’ve read sarnos book. I’ve ordered your book. I’ve been in touch with various tms coaches to help me. Nothing is working. I feel like I’m in the fight of my life. I have to win this fight for my kids, my husband and myself so I can get my life back. I need this so badly. I pray for this daily and ask that this suffering stops because I can’t go on like this. It’s destroying my whole being, my life and my family. They mean to world to me. Mirtazapine is a motility agent - meaning it empties your stomach faster. I wonder if that has anything to do with this. I am searching and searching for answers. My family is forcing me back on an antidepressant. I don’t know what to do or which one to take. I know I need something. Any advice? Should I try the mirtazapine again??

Hello everyone. I’m an Australian living in Berlin. I have had health anxiety since I was 12, but it never really impacted my life. From the age of 23-24 I had a depressive episode, went to therapy but decided to try medication. Was prescribed 37.5mg of desvenlafaxine, I took it for 10 months and tapered off rather quickly without incident - I had no idea that antidepressants could be dangerous back then. I’m 31 now. 2021 was the hardest/worst year of my life. After working a lot throughout the pandemic, I lost my job earlier last year. I was pretty miserable but slowly picked myself up. I was a sad but totally functioning human being. Mid year, I was working on my folio and getting excited about future creative projects. Then two weeks after my second Moderna shot, I woke up in the middle of the night shaking and having waves of heat come over me. Felt really sick… it was like some intense inflammation response. Following that, I would often wake up every 10 days or so with shaking episodes. I could manage to calm myself down and go back to sleep normally. I found it weird but tried not to think about it too much. Then in late August, I began taking antibiotics for a H. Pylori infection and my life imploded. I couldn’t sleep or eat for 2 weeks and became ridiculously anxious, anxiety I’ve never experienced before. My husband didn’t know what to do and I ended up in a psych hospital despite how badly I didn’t want to be there. Despite my pleas and fears about benzo dependency, they got me dependent on lorazepam over 6.5 weeks, and I tapered off in about 5.5 weeks. Of course my worst fears became reality and I’ve been going through benzo WD. I took the last lorazepam dose 25 days ago (Which is hard for me to comprehend, I rarely even drink alcohol). I wish I had just accepted the benzo rebound insomnia and lack of appetite. I started Mirtazapine and have been on it for 2 months, I’m at 15mg now. My eyes have been weird, I’ve been getting double vision and things have just been strange. I thought it was from benzo WD but decided to get checked out today. The doctor told me my eye pressure is high, and this is a side effect from Mirta. I’m a graphic designer and my vision is so important. I desperately don’t want to lose it, I also don’t want to just CT Mirta, especially after I’m only 25 days in benzo WD. I’m so terrified, I wish I would have just accepted the benzo rebound insomnia. Now I’m scared I’m going to be sick and disabled for years. 😭 I look at photos from 5 months ago and cry. I don’t know what to do. I’m sitting in bed shaking from fear rn. Someone, please help me 😞 when I mentioned my fears to the psychiatrist, he told me to split the Mirta pill in half, but idk if that’s a good idea.

I’m unsure on the right terminology because I’m not sure what I believe anymore so please bear with me. last year after ten years on citalopram I had a sudden relapse in depression and anxiety (you could say I pooped out but who knows). The relapse has crippled me and it’s immeasurably worse than the first time around. It’s consumed me and I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Through this period the doctor changed me to sertraline and again to venlafaxine. Both of which had zero effect. I wanted to look at exploring more naturalistic remedies (not sure how appropriate it is to discuss this on this format so I will leave that there- but happy to hear people’s stories and experiences of doing that) but I’ve had a really tough Fortnight and when I went back to the docs this week he wanted me to try mirtazipine. I have taken that for two nights but after a chat with my therapist this morning who’s very critical of medications and the role of seretonin in all this I’m questioning if it’s the right thing. It’s all so hard when you are extremely desperate and just want relief really interested to hear everyone’s views and experiences

Hi, I’m 70 and have had depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I weaned myself off Valium in my thirties successfully. I was prescribed Citalapram 20mg 15 years ago and it works for me. In the past twelve months my mobility has not been good and I have struggled badly with depression as I have the motivation but my body says “no”. My family had to intervene to get me some help and I was prescribed Mirtazapine which helped me through a bad patch. I now would like to come off Mirtazapine as I feel tired all the time. My doctor is aware of this and told me to do it gradually, which is sensible. I’ve been checked for everything to explain my tiredness and everything is fine, so my next step is to look at the meds I take. Thank you for reading this and any advice on coming off the Mirtazapine would be gratefully received.

Hi, I'm not quite sure how to go about this as I'm not super familiar with forums. But I've been on Mirtarzapine 45mg for a couple of years now, I started taking it 5 years ago as a result of a breakdown and have been slowly increasing it. Now I feel a bit more stable in my life and 1 week ago started doing 45mg x 2 nights and 41.25mg approx (I have to cut my tablet so it's never 100% accurate) for 1 night in an alternate fashion. I've noticed I've become more anxious and started experiencing panic feelings...I don't want to give up though. I'm determined to go down to 30mg and stay on it for a while till the next drop. I'm very very afraid though. I'm a single mum with a 5 year old child so I don't want this to affect my relationship with my daughter. Any words of wisdom or support, identification, etc, would be massively appreciated.