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Hi, adverse reaction to Mirtazapine June 2020. Cold turkeyed Jan 2021. Then Sertraline, Citalopram, diazepam, Prozac, chlopromazine, nortryptyline, anmytriptyline for annything from a few days to a few weeks. Made me worse annd worse. Entire existence wiped. All memory gone. Long and short term. All skills gone. Cognition gone. Can’t remember my job, family, self. Extreme leg pain. DPDR. Nausea. Vomiting. Diarreah. EXTREME MEMORY LOSS. Burning brain. No memory of my whole life no connection to my belongings. Clothes, house, town I live in. All completely gone. I don’t even remember which shop you buy which item in anymore. Can’t look after basic needs. Constant SI. Just wander around a house I no longer recognise like a retarded zombie. Anyone recovered from this extreme a reaction? Need hope. Scared. im 5 months off everything sorry this is all I can type I have no brain

you can see my full psych med history in my profile, abbreviated below in signature. i'm currently on 15mg mirtazapine nightly. a few weeks ago, the psychs in the hospital unceremoniously CT'd my 3 day stint of 5mg fluoxetine. before that, i took 1 pill of paxil, prescribed by GP after a 5 day stint of sertraline went south. i'm pretty sure this all started after the sertraline, though. i'm still plagued with suicidal thoughts, it feels like i'm plugged into an electrical outlet; the severe and weird psych symptoms have mainly passed (violent intrusive thoughts far beyond the bounds of my normal ones), but the anhedonia, brain fog, memory issues, and sexual issues remain. my genitals, gut, and brain are severed from each other- my body lacks cycles connected to the circadian rhythm. every single damn provider i've encountered has proclaimed, "that's just depression!", but i know my depression, and this ain't it. they then respond, "symptoms change!", yeah, okay buddy. i've never felt this psychologically and physically bad in my life. my anxiety has never manifested the way it's manifesting now. i'm heavily considering reinstating 1-5mg of sertraline on top of the mirtazapine, considering it was the SSRI that started this whole house of cards. the psych nurse in my PHP program seemed to think this was fine- she just said "try it", shrugged and walked away, but tbh i don't trust any of those people anymore. i'll be exiting that program soon. i don't know what to do. i can't think, i can't sleep, i'm about to lose my job as a software engineer, and if that happens, then the dominos tumble down. if i knew then what i knew now, i never would have even _thought_ about reaching for the zoloft to help with the anxiety. i found this site after this whole carny ride started. i kick myself every day for trying to solve my problems with psych meds. help me, mods of survivingantidepressants, you're my only hope. shout out to alto for creating this site. another piece of information: my T levels have crashed from about 350ng/dL to around 150ng/dL in the last 2 months. i can't tell if it's related to the insomnia or SSRIs or anxiety, but just another piece of information.

Hi Everyone, I’ve been on Bupropion 300xl since beginning of 2019 so almost 5 years. I also was taking Trazodone 50mg nightly for sleep and dropped to 25mg for a month or so then discontinuing it around June 2023. I also discontinued Losartan a blood pressure med around the same time. The doctor said my blood pressure was doing great and I could come off if, I wanted to. Around July 2023, I started to experience anxiety creeping in slowly due to a trigger thought from my past. I let it manifest and get bigger and bigger day by day until I went in full panic mode. It got so bad I went to VA hospital where I get care and they gave me Hydroxyzine for anxiety and panic attacks. I took it but it really didn’t help the anxiety was too strong at this point. I wasn’t sleeping very good. Had a couple more panic attacks. I then went back to the VA and saw mental health provider who told the Bupropion was causing the anxiety. He dropped me from 300xl to 150mg (75 ir X 2 a day).and started buspar 5mg morning and 5mg night. This was 21 Sep 23. I take the bupropion at 6am and 2pm. I also had a blood panel, thyroid test, and ekg to rule those out for the anxiety. All came back normal. I also started therapy. I stopped taking the buspar after a week. Didn’t really feel it was doing anything and made me feel weird. The anxiety has been debilitating at times it seems to be getting better slowly day by day. I’ve never had it this extreme in my 47 years. I’m retired from the Navy after 20 years and have had some stressful situations but this has really got me. I went back and saw mental health twice saying this a rough ride not being able to sleep a full night and the anxiety. They gave me rameron 30mg to take at night. I took it one time and then didn’t take it again. Didn’t want to get started on something else and the side effects of weight gain not worth it to me. Also tried Trazodone again 100mg just to see if I could get some relief made me too groggy and didn’t really help same with Hydroxyzine 25mg. I just feel off, tired, irritable, frustrated, depression and anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes I have passing suicidal thoughts but would never act on them and I share this with my wife just so she knows what’s going through my head. They definitely scare me. Definitely affects your quality of life. I guess I just deal with it now. It’s no where near like before or at panic level. Oh and they want to put me on Prozac now. I haven’t touched it yet. I mentioned my sister is on it with good results so they feel that would be a good fit. I think I was dropped too fast on the bupropion and I’m feeling the withdrawal. It’s been five weeks now and just wanted to see what everyone’s input on this is. I want to try and be done with these meds and go natural. I don’t want to introduce more stuff that I’ll have to come off of. The biggest thing I’m dealing with is anxiety and poor sleep. I’ve looked at the taper schedule and guess I’m beyond the taper from 300xl spot. What are your recommendations at this point? I think it was odd I was dropped to 75ir x 2 a day. Any recommendations to ease the burden? Many Thanks!

I was on Valafexine for 10 years. I was at 2 75s a day. I tappered off myself for a year. When i got to the point where i was off of it my withdraw started gradually with dizziness and irritability then it progressed to feeling tired all the time and bad anxiety for a week then it went to sweating, shaking, panic, free fall feeling insomnia. I ended up in the doctors office and back on 2 25s a day to stabilize me. After three days i went up to 100 mg a day for 5 days, then they put me on 37.5 and i was on that for 6 days and ended up in the hospital for serotonin syndrome. The psychiatrist took me off of valafexine and put me on heavy sleeping pills, and buspar. I stopped the buspar after 4 days because it was to much for me. Im on day 4 of no valafexine. I started the dizziness yesterday. I just want to know if anyone has a similar story and if the withdraw is as bad the second time around? Has anyone been put back on and tappered back off with a better and shorter withdraw time?

Hello, I've just recently found this site and kept reading and absorbing all kinds of information. I am so glad to read so many inspiring stories and would like to share my son’s story. On Nov 2022 last year, my son, Gogo, a recent college graduate and athletic, who has been suffering insomnia since pandemic began was put in Psychiatric hospital for 3 nights after emotional breakdown in public place. Police said he trespassed and his speech was not coherent. He was prescribed Risperidone 1mg in the morning and 1mg at night, 250mg Depakote in the morning and 500mg Depakote at night, as well as 7.5mg Mirtazapine in the evening for helping sleep. When he was discharged from hospital, we saw his speech was disorganized and had deliriums kind of symptom most in the earlier morning and evening sparsely. I thought it was due to the shock by police and medications. So I tried to reduce his med several time, but the symptoms didn’t go away. I paid to ask online psychiatric doctor about it and I got an answer said he most likely has schizoaffective disorder. After I was convinced that his breakdown most likely caused by his sleep deprivation and self medication with recreational drugs, I become more adapted with his continuation of those medications. But I don’t think he has schizophrenia. He still not has any diagnosis. He started to sleep better with those meds but most of day time is tired and lethargic. He was not doing well for his online class because of the lethargy caused by the meds. He was also diagnosed with mild sleep apnea short after discharging from hospital. We don’t have psychiatric doctor for almost 4 month after discharge from the hospital. But we tried to tape Resperidone especially, after consulting a friend who is neuron doctor, but failed, scared by the relapse of symptoms like self occupation and mood issue. I know now from here that the taping is way too fast. We are like walking in the fine line or water with medication management, and still now. His PCP only manage his Mirtazapine. I’m going to tell later what his PCP’s taping strategy for Mirtazapine. On 2/26 still suffering depression and sadness, and noticed that his chest is painful, Gogo insisted not taking any medication. I learned some knowledge about withdraw symptom from online, but find noting about detailed strategy. So my son and I agreed to stop taking the morning med. For the first 2 weeks, he become lively and being more like old himself I know, and had lots of self reflection of the past but more connected, even sometime he experienced strong emotions. But on 3/15, he has another emotional breakdown after visiting a friend. We decided he was not appropriate to drive and take him back in our own car. After this incident, with my knowledge from online study and search, I knew that we may withdraw too fast. Then he started to take the morning meds every other day. I know now it’s another mistake. We did that, and only realize not so late that it make thing worse in a few days. It seems fine for the first few days, then one day he insisted to drive himself without abling to speak logically and express his feeling. He was indecisive when driving. We reinstate to the original dose fully. Actually, I know now that we could have reinstate to lower doses, but we have no guidance. His pcp is not able to offer any help with his psychiatric meds except for Mirtazapine. I just wish we could find the site earlier. Only when I included the word ‘tape” instead “reduce” or “withdraw" in my search that I found this site. On 2/26, Following his PCP taping strategy for Mirtazapine, he started to take 7.5mg mirtazapine every other night for 4 weeks, till 3/26, then 7.5mg twice a week for 3 weeks till 4/18. His sleep seems fine with every other day’s 7.5mg mirtazapine. However, during the twice of week 7.5mg mirtazapine period, he started waking up in the middle of night because almost at the same time he started to taping 250mg evening Depakote on 3/30 following a RN's advice. I think that is another mistake to tape the evening Depakote first. We also finally saw a Psychiatrist on March, who recommend my son to take all 2mg Resperidone in the evening to avoid his daytime lethargy. We are reluctant to do that considering his most recent unstable situation. The Psychiatrist talked to me and asked why, I said I am afraid that the moving medication around the day might make my son unstable again. I shared my son’s med log to her and it seems she never read it. She also email me that she never heard of Resperidone withdraw symptom. She then said how about reduce the morning to 0.5mg. In a mind that want to tape all meds, we took it as she want to tape my son’s Resperidone. So Guoguo took 0.5mg in the morning and Kept 1mg in the evening. It came strong resistance from his Grandma. So I waited for few days before I reduce the morning dose, started reduction on the next Monday after seeing the psy doctor. During the following Thursday appointment with psy doc, my son told her he is doing fine after 3 days 0.5mg Resperidone in the morning . I again see my son begin to come back to be himself, having back his sense of humor, etc. But the weekend is a mix feeling. We went to outing, he was happy and enjoying the trip with friend. But on the way back, he started to show self-occupied without talking here and there, easy to get angry with small things. We start to reinstate his 1mg Resperidone the next morning. During the next appointment, we found out that his psy doc actually want to him to take 1.5mg Resperidone in the evening. She did NO intent to tape. I was so frustrated that why she did not emphasize that to keep the current daily doses unchanged. I also blamed myself for not asking for clarification with his Doc because I was so eager to get him out of those meds. She said we could continue as we have done like 2mg twice a day. She was also very unhappy we didn’t follow her advise, as well seeing an RN. My son did not have an appointment with her last week. I think we are going to find another one. We went to RN again, she gave us 3 options, 1) Go back to take 7.5mg Mirtazapine in the evening or 3.75mg 2) Reinstate the original Depakote of 750mg a day. 3) Move the morning 250mg Depakote into the evening, no Depakote in the morning. Concerning with moving the medication from morning to evening might make my son unstable, we choose to add 3.75mg mirtazapine because my mom is doing really well on that dose for a year and eventually taped off. A few nights he seems well with 3.75mg mirtazapine not waking up, but felt very tired and sleepy in the day. He stopped taking for few days because of that. But that makes him woke up in the middle of night. We also add megnesium 150mg 3 times a day, along with 50mg B6 twice a day and 1.5mg melatonia in the bed time. He went back to 3.75mg mirtazapine again and had only few night not waking up. One night he is so tired and not want to have Mirtazapine and any supplements. But I observe that he is doing fine when waking up. He had two nights not having mirtazapine, his mood seems fine. It seems for me he woke up feel good for those 2 nights without taking mirtazapine. Even he woke up earlier, but he has quality sleep in the first half of night.(we use apple watch to monitor sleep cycle, it’s said AW is close to EEG study). The day before yesterday, he woke up 5pm and stay in the bed for an hour and got up with good mood and took a nap in the afternoon. But he is not having a good sleep yesterday with 3.3g mirtazapine. It was 3.3mg because he did not take mirtazapine the previous 2 days. It’s the right dose? I read here that we need to keep the same dose and same time, some time we dont have the medication at the same time specially in the morning as my son is very hard to get up in the morning becasue of sleep issue. My son really wants to tape all of his medications, which make him gaining almost 20lb for an athletic as him in 3 months. That’s why he agreed to do Keto diet on 3/20. But after the outing incident in front of his friend, he told me he might need take all these med for his life. I said to my son that you don’t need to. I’m sure you will have good sleep without any of those med some time soon and enjoy your life drug free. When my son is stable with Depakote and his sleep, I believe he can start with taping Resperidone. Now just stuck with this Mirtazapine issue and sleep issue, do you think Gogo should take half of the 7.5mg or reinstate to 7.5mg or just stop taking Mirtazapine completely. I'm reluctant to let my son go back to original dose of 7.5mg, which make him gaining so much weight and sleepy during the day. Or take one of the NP advice to keep current doses unchanged and move morning 250mg to evening to make 500mg Depakote in the evening? Or move the Resperidone around to the evening to make him sleep better and less sedated in the day? BTW, I got a jewry scale from the recommendation link here for Mirtazapine 3.75mg, it rounds to 0.0mg, and too sensitive, reading often changes. I still have no clue how to do the liquid form for small doses, any advise will be helpful. Thank you for bearing me and appreciate so much for your help. Best Wishes, Dshine

Firstly, thankyou for allowing me to join this group. I have come here seeking answers (hopefully). This is not about myself but a close relative. They have been suffering from anxiety & feeling low for the past year. 3 months ago things were getting worse so her Doctor put her on Zoloft (not sure of dose). After about 3 weeks she was feeling worse but her doctor told her to stick with it. At the 8 week mark she was very distraught & her Dr told her to wean off it. I believe it was 1/2 then 1/4 over a month. Approx 10 days later she tried to commit suicide. Thankfully she survived. She now has extreme anxiety to the point of shaking & saying the same negative sentences over & over & over. She is now on a cocktail of Mirtazapine, Diazepam & Olanzapine. 3 weeks later & no improvement, in fact getting worse. How does someone go from being anxious & depressed to an absolute non functioning mess overnight...I wouldn't have thought that weaning off zoloft after 8 weeks would cause this disaster. I know this isn't about tapering off antidepressants but I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else. Thankyou in advance for any insight...

I was prescribed paroxetine over 20 years ago because of depression associated with a bad back. Five GPs and no one ever picked up the impact on my sex drive (I thought I was just getting old and tired). My current GP suggested just tampering off the paroxetine over 6 weeks. I had some discomfort going from one pill to half but then experienced very bad withdrawal symptoms from half to a quarter tablet. Pacing at night, highly anxious and panic attacks, especially at the point of falling asleep. Bad enough to go to the emergency room after 4 nights with almost no sleep. I went back to a half paroxetine and the GP suggested adding a half mirtazapine at night, to help get me to sleep. I'm still experiencing "the wobbles" as we call them when I get restless at night. All complicated by a knee replacement and lots of pain medication. The keep it slow, keep it simple and keep it steady message really resonates. I fear I haven't kept it as simple as it could be with the added mirtazapine. Is this likely to slow the overall withdrawal further? Or complicate things too much? Any comments or referrals to old threads that might help would be most appreciated. Thanks.

Hi. I'm not sure that I am doing this correctly. I am on escital. and mirtaz. I want to begin a harm reduction taper, but I am still struggling from rapidly tapering off of a benzo 16 months ago. I was also put on HRT 4 years ago and I wonder if that is causing me problems, as well. I'm afraid that all the medications that I've taken over the years have just exacerbated my mental struggles.

I am having a lot of trouble understanding how to navigate this site. I really need advice and I don’t know how to post my info. I was put on seroquel for 15 days a few weeks ago stopped CT having tardive dyskinesia and I need to know if I should reinstate and taper and how much I should take. I was trying to taper mirtazapine 7.5mg at 1/8of a pill over a month. I am in a lot of pain. I am also on 1mg xanax 3x a day. i don’t have a computer to post all the info u want. I did put it in my bio

Hello everyone. I am suffering from lingering side effects and withdrawal symptoms post-cold turkey (end-July 2022). I was on 1 week of Zactin/Fluoxetine + Mirtazapine (April 2022), followed by approximately 3 months of Pristiq/Desvenlafaxine + Mirtazapine (April 2022 to July 2022). The side effects were so bad that I felt like I had an adverse reaction. I was told by everyone (from family to medical professionals) to tolerate the side effects because the benefits outweighed the costs. Many of the side effects became withdrawal symptoms post-cold turkey, see below. Post-cold turkey, initial withdrawal symptoms included: (1) Insomnia. (2) Teeth sensitivity and pain + dry mouth + gum recession. This was the very first side effect while I was on the drugs. (3) An agitating sensation that there is "something" in the upper body (neck, throat, chest) that I can only describe as a combination of "palpitations + heat + pain + tightness/stiffness". This was one of the side effects when I was on the drugs and it made me really miserable. (4) Electric zaps (brain, back, legs). (5) Loss of appetite (food and drink). (6) Desensitization to caffeine and alcohol. I stopped getting any benefit from coffee, which in the past kept me going throughout the day and did not cause sleep issues. Alcohol used to make me sleepy, but it does not have the same effect anymore. (7) Bloating and diarrhea-like bowel movements. (8) Nausea. (9) Incontinence: Calls of nature have become more "sudden" than I was used to. When I get the "urge to go", I cannot hold it in for as long as I was able previously. (10) Sexual dysfunction: Loss of libido and inability to feel orgasms. Low testosterone levels detected during blood test. (11) Increased eye pressure. (12) Hives (upper body). (13) Increased sweating. At the time of writing (5 April 2023), some symptoms have changed and some have remained the same: (1) Sleep has improved slightly, but I still wake up several times during the night. I have just started taking melatonin (after reading about it on this website). (2) Gums have stopped receding, but teeth are still more sensitive than normal. (3) The sensations are less intense on average than previously, but they can become more intense during certain times of the day, which still makes me miserable. (4) This symptom seems to have disappeared. (5) A very small return of appetite, but still nowhere close to my previous levels of appetite. I have also gained approximately 13-15kg from 70-72kg to about 85kg, which I attribute to a lower metabolic rate, but I can't be certain. (6) The same. I still don't have the same response to coffee and alcohol, compared to what I had previously. (7) Bowel movements have subsided to soft/watery after consulting a gastroenterologist and taking some medication, but I still feel bloated. (8) This symptom seems to have disappeared. (9) The same. (10) The same. Sexual dysfunction remains. I have taken a testosterone injection after consulting a urologist. (11) The same. (12) The same. (13) The same. After about 9 months post-cold turkey (July 2022 to April 2023 at the time of writing), my symptoms appear to have eased slightly and gradually, but I still find them debilitating enough that I struggle to focus and generally feel a sense of malaise/discomfort. In January 2023, I felt desperate because my withdrawal symptoms had not improved substantially after 6 months. I saw 3 different psychiatrists during January 2023 to March 2023, all of whom have said that my symptoms are not drug withdrawal symptoms, instead they indicate that I am still depressed. The insisted that the drugs I was taking are no longer in my system and therefore, their side effects should have disappeared. The first psychiatrist suggested I go back on Mirtazapine, the second one prescribed a combination of Xanax + Lexapro + Stilnox, and the third one prescribed Valdoxan. I've only learnt about the concept of reinstatement through this website, but I understand it's way too late for that. In any case, I am not sure if I would be keen to take the same drugs again, for fear of repeating the same side effects and triggering another adverse reaction. I would really like to heal the natural way because I have had a very bad experience with taking psychiatric drugs. However, sometimes I wonder when and if I will fully recover at this rate, I get the urge to bite the bullet and try whatever drug the psychiatrist prescribes. As you can see, I am still very conflicted on how to proceed. I'm very thankful to have found this website because I really don't really know who to turn to anymore. Any advice on my situation would be deeply appreciated.

Hi, I just came across this peer support group and am delighted as I am really nervous about how I will cope with the withdrawal symptoms. Not looking forward to getting more depressive feelings, suicidal thoughts, crying jags, mood swings, energy slumps. At least with support I can hopefully surf the waves. I still get PMS (32 years and counting!) every 3 weeks and feel like the world is too horrible a place to keep going on - and then my period arrives and I go "Aha! So THAT's what it was!"

Hello all, I’ve found this website incredibly useful so I wanted to share my journey of coming off of venlafaxine (Effexor) with mild withdrawal symptoms so far. Context / About Me I was put on antidepressants in February 2014 at age 18 after I had my first severe depressive episode. Initially, I started on citalopram, then mirtazapine and then venlafaxine (effexor). I have been on venlafaxine for about 8 years continuously with no breaks. I am currently two weeks medication free and I have experienced very minor withdrawal symptoms. My first unsuccessful taper I annoyingly didn’t record my first unsuccessful taper that started in March 2020 but I came off 150mg venlafaxine in 6-8 weeks and had severe withdrawals (brain zaps, nausea and then return of depressive symptoms) resulting in what appeared to be a relapse* (I saw my old psych) and I had my medication reinstated. *From educating myself more on antidepressants, I know now that this was withdrawal from coming off the medication too quickly and not relapse. My (so far) successful taper using pill cutting method Feb 2021: Reduced dose to 112.5mg March 2021: I will have tapered but didn’t record speed, reduced dose to 75mg March 2022: I believe I then decreased further as I recorded going back up to 75mg 13 December 2022: I will have tapered but didn’t record speed but at this point, I reduced my dose to 37.5mg 21 February 2023: Reduced to 28.125mg (ish) 1 April 2023: Reduced to 18.mg (ish) 21 April 2023: Reduced to 9.4mg (ish) 10 May 2023: Took last dose of venlafaxine. I was planned to taper further from 9.4mg but took a shot to see how I felt and so far, so good. I was prepared to take my dose immediately if I felt unwell. Withdrawal symptoms I have experienced very mild withdrawal symptoms, including: - Most noticeable symptom has been that it has triggered an IBS flare up and my bloating is unreal 🤯 - Slightly off balance / dizziness - Fatigue - mild and only for first few days - Slightly irritable Major thing to note is that I’ve had NO brain zaps and no mood-related symptoms or anxiety!!! Resource recommendations Antidepressed by Beverly Thomson May Cause Side Effects by Brooke Siem https://markhorowitz.org (particularly his work on hyberbolic tapering) https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org I appreciate I am lucky in my experience the second time around as I know many people have to face horrific, permanent withdrawal symptoms. However, I hope this shows that it’s good to go slow and not to rush the process of coming off. Happy to answer any questions and I will continue to update on my progress! A

Introduction topic I promised myself that if I ever survived psychiatric drugs, I’d post a “success story” on the internet because I always found such stories encouraging to read, even if they felt like a distant dream—somewhere I could never really reach. And yet here I am—I’ve made it—and it’s “withdrawal” that now feels like the distant dream (or nightmare) from a past life. I feel it’s time then for me to share my story, albeit as a video. I didn’t expect or want to make a video but my own path to “healing” is somewhat unconventional. It goes beyond tapering, which for me was insufficient on its own. So, to really share my story, I need to provide a fair amount of background information. And, for me, this centres on how I’ve come to reframe my experience with “protracted withdrawal” into something else altogether, called The Mindbody Syndrome or TMS (a concept by the late John Sarno, a rehabilitation physician). It’s through my understanding of Sarno’s mindbody approach to chronic pain and other medically unexplainable phenomena that my years of withdrawal sensations (or TMS) finally ended. I’d note I’m not the first person to use a TMS approach for “protracted withdrawal.” Others have had success as well. I’ve communicated with some of them. It seems, therefore, that more people could benefit from knowing about this. To be clear I’m not saying this approach is necessary for anyone nor am I proclaiming a definitive explanation of “protracted withdrawal syndrome.” What I’ve done is taken a demonstrably successful approach for chronic pain of unknown origin and adapted it for withdrawal sensations that seem to go on and on for no particular reason. Given the limited scientific understanding of “withdrawal syndrome”, however, my adaptation comes with significant simplifications, speculations, and leaps that many people will reasonably see as implausible and too reductionistic. I get it. Despite this, I’ve posted this video because, well, this is my own understanding of how I resolved withdrawal sensations for myself—and, also, exact physiological details aren’t so important for a mindbody approach; it’s the broader psychological concepts that matter. And, who knows, maybe this will resonate with someone else. Regardless I hope everyone finds the best path for themselves. This is the one that worked for me. Finally, I’d just say that the following video is sort of like a self-help video as well. So for any person interested in this approach, I make suggestions based on my own experiences and interpretations, but I'm not saying what anyone should actually do or think. There are also references throughout the video so there’s lots of info and authors listed for anyone who feels so inclined to look into this beyond one random guy on the internet. Note: If you find the video too confusing or shoddily made but you’re interested in this idea, I’d suggest The Mindbody Prescription by John Sarno or The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich for a better explanation of the psychology of TMS; or, if you’re interested in a more “scientific perspective”, I’d suggest Psychophysiologic Disorders by Howard Schubiner et al. (Psychophysiologic disorder is basically just another name for The Mindbody Syndrome.) Each of these books goes into medically unexplainable phenomena beyond chronic pain.

Hi everyone, I have been tapering off Mirtazepine since August 2022. My dosage history is in my signature, however long story short is I have been cutting my dose in half since August on the advice of my doctor (I know now this was tapering too fast) and began experiencing withdrawl symptoms in November when I went down from 7.5mg to 3.75mg. I was scoring 15mg tablets in half to get 7.5mg, then started taking this every second day (I also know now that doses shouldn’t be skipped). I experienced withdrawl symptoms for 4 days in November, then felt fine. I reduced my dosage again at the beginning of December to 1.87mg, (too soon and too much of a reduction) and had withdrawl symptoms for the last half of December, until I called my doctor and he advised I increase my dose up to 2.5mg. After I did this, my symptoms eased and then resolved after another week or so, in early to mid-January. At that point I thought I had stabilized and was home free, and that my withdrawl symptoms were over. I planned to start the 10% reduction method at the beginning of March, but then got hit with pretty bad withdrawl symptoms again at the end of February. The symptoms followed right on the heels of a flu that I had. After a week I increased my dosage again to 3.75mg, and my symptoms were all but gone by the next day. I saw my doctor this past week and was able to get a new prescription for Mirtazepine as a liquid which I can fill at a compounding pharmacy. My plan is to reduce by 10% at the beginning of April if the rest of March goes well. I have read about the 'windows and waves' pattern of withdrawl - was what I experienced at the end of February a wave? Is it possible to have a wave triggered by another illness, like the flu? And is it possible to experience a wave when one has been holding steady on the same dose? I think the reason I was surprised when my withdrawl symptoms returned was because I hadn’t changed my dose since the beginning of January, and thought I had stabilized. I guess I am just looking for some reassurance that what I have been experiencing is typical of withdrawl, as well as any suggestions as to whether I could be doing something differently to make this go easier. Since my system is responding to reinstatement, I considered reinstating back to 7.5mg, which is the last dose I took before I starting experiencing withdrawl symptoms, and then reducing by 10% monthly. I fortunately tolerated Mirtazepine very well when I was on it, with relatively few side effects. There is no reason I can’t take my time tapering off and I don’t care if it takes years. Thanks everyone for reading. I know my post is a bit on the long side.

Hi all, I haven't been on here for quite some time as I have been very busy with life. I guess that is a good thing? I thought that now is a good time to write my success story since I have been off Mirtazapine for well over 1 year and haven't had any symptoms related to that for 1 year also. Here is my introduction and journal I wrote to give you an idea of the journey I went through: The problem: So back in 2017 I was blighted with a severe case of anxiety, I won't go into how this was triggered as this could have been from a number of things that contributed to this happening including lifestyle, stress, partying too much, among other things. Initially i was prescribed Sertraline that literally sent me into panic after taking 1 tablet, this was then switched over to Mirt. I was prescribed Mirtazapine to relieve some of the symptoms which initially worked (It helped me sleep and get my appetite back). However as any of you on this medication will know this drug is very unpredictable and can cause all kinds of mental and physical symptoms. Withdrawing + Symptoms I was only on Mirtazapine for a total of 6 months which included 2 months of tapering (see journal for more information on this). Initially I found coming off the drug quite easy, some stomach pain, sleep pattern changes but not much more. After approximately 1 month my withdrawal symptoms began. I noticed that I was very emotionally unstable, meaning everyday worries/problems become huge anxiety triggers. This was even more worrying to me as I started to think that my inital 'anxiety' problem was starting to come back and it wasn't really the effects of Mirtazapine (I was wrong). As stated, my symptoms started at the 5th week of complete withdrawal from Mirt and lasted almost 7 months. Yes 7 months! Thats longer than I was even on the medication. They were as follows: - Severe waves of anxiety (some lasting up to 3 weeks) - Weird OCD style thoughts, totally alien and not what I'd usually be thinking about - Frequent migraines from exercising - Weird joint pains (between fingers, also in my thorax) - Rectal pain (this was very weird also, and would happen at random times) - Random nose bleeds (worse during full dose but also happening during withdrawal) There were more symptoms but I can't remember them all at this time, the anxiety however was the most problematic and painful. I kept a mood diary which allowed me to rate the severity of my anxiety and track any patterns. I also had psychotherapy privately which cost me alot, and actually wasn't useful to me due to the fact the professional was treating me for 'generalised anxiety disorder' rather than 'anti depressant withdrawal'. I cut this off during my taper which helped. I noticed that I was experiencing the typical 'waves, windows' scenario. Throughout the withdrawal process I experienced waves of anxiety approximately 5 weeks after each dose drop. This, to my knowledge, was my brain trying to re-adjust to not being medicated anymore. One thing I need to mention here is that - do not assume you are permanently screwed. I fell into this trap many times, breaking down into tears thinking "Is this how I'm gonna be forever?". This thought should be avoided, infact forcing positive thoughts to stop yourself catastrophising like this will help you get better. Recovery As it is for most, my recovery was very non-linear. I went through periods of little to no symptoms, then i could wake up with chronic anxiety and a whole host of physical symptoms to go with it. I almost gave up on my medication sobriety many times, including visits to the doctors only to be told i should re-instate. Thankfully I never re-instated once, I fully understand those of you who have re-instated though as withdrawal symptoms can be horrific and any form of relief is needed sometimes. The one thing that kept me going was the fact that I was experiencing windows of no symptoms at all, this could range from 1 hour to 2 weeks of no symptoms. I remember the moments where I was coming to the end of a window and was about to fall into another wave, this was probably the worst part of all this. The fact that I was fully aware that my window was over and i was now about to deal with a period of chronic mental and physical pain for an unconfirmed amount of time. The eureka moment for me happened at about the 7th month of withdrawal, I was still experiencing anxiety spikes but they were literally lasting only one day, followed by many weeks of calmness. I remember thinking "Wow, I totally forgot I was withdrawing from medication, its been weeks since i felt bad!". I strongly believe a point of recovery is reached when you actually forget that you have been unwell, I guess the science behind this is that new pathways have been created in the brain. Over-writing the anxious pathways our brain has trained itself to regularly follow throughout this process. Thoughts to take-away + Tips Its now been 1 year since I experienced any anxiety symptoms, I don't even get the "Am I going to have a panic attack in this situation" anymore. That's a huge leap for me as I knew when that happened, I was about to go back into the anxious loop. At times, my symptoms were so strong I was thinking about throwing it all away and just handing myself over to be hospitalised. Somehow I managed to soldier on and keep fighting.. I really feel that I am back to my normal self which I remind myself of everyday. I actually think this whole process has made me stronger mentally as I know that there isn't much worse than what I went through. Tips - Recovery is non-linear - don't set yourself a date to get better, it will happen naturally - Negative thoughts actually slowed down my recovery, consciously forcing positive thoughts reminded my brain that it was still 'normal' and not 'permanently damaged' helped alot - Positive self talk & speaking out loud to yourself allows your concerns to be aired if you are worried about what people will think - Don't read any worst case scenarios online! These will make you feel worse and actually trigger the mental symptoms - Take it as slow as you possibly can. Withdraw slowly, don't kick yourself because you still feel sh^t 6 months/2 years later. Your full recovery date is set for you, nobody else - Exercise, diet and sleep are of huge priority as they will give your brain/body what it needs to return back to it's healthy state - Track your progress and remind yourself of your 'windows'. they will become longer over time Please be aware I'm not a medical professional so any advice should only be followed through the advice of a medical professional. I'm sending positive vibes to anyone reading this who are going through recovery, KEEP GOING!

Hi all , I am 8 months off reinstated sertraline for a month ( by doc) and Aripropazole. History Its around 4 years back when i passed out my college and not get placed even after making to finals in many interviews .. that i decided to write competitive exam for PG. I had taken coaching but just before exam I came back and found myself unable to recall things. My brain is just like nothing in it. I found myself in despair and stopped studying. This fog is happening all the time since my engineering but I managed to get average marks sometimes and sometimes very good . There is more in back history but I ll get to it later. So, my parents took me to a psychiatrist ( family known) and he put me to Olanzapine and one more thing. He diganosed me bipolar2. I got about 10 pounds on it but its not help . Meanwhile after 4 months, with the help of a relative , I got intern in a company and I moved out with fog to a distant city. TThere in a hospital, they put me on floxetine and Amisulpride for 3 months . Then i moved to a private psychiatrist ... where it starts getting haywire . He stopped fluoxetine and Amisulpride . And put me on Venlafaxine and Seroquel... As i was interning, i get usual heat racing in between job times but my doctor convinced me to stay with it . 4 months and I just started feeling agitated due to stress. It happened that I slapped a senior on abusing me and there I left a job I never happened to get physical in my school or college .. but it happened. Doctor told me to scrap the prescription he wrote of raising Venlafaxine. And he put me paroxetine + Oxcarbazepine. In his words , it is best tolerable and has lesser side effects. I managed to get a job by my own and cracking first time. But this time there is lot of work and culture pressure. Its a startup with full of politics . Boss and his boss .. all keep on putting things. Let office aside, I started feeling some well .. overly casual ... excited .. raged .. Iits about 25 mg Paroxetine and 300/600 mg Oxcarbazepine. I had unusual violent acts .. had hit a school friend .. insomnia.. I decided to leave the paxil by asking the doctor . He said half in a week and then other half a week to off. Thats when it all started , i cannot sleep whole night and with day light i start getting a nap. I left going office with fear of state i was in . I cannot wake and even if I .. i was too tired and angry . Doctor then gave me Mirtazapine which didn't help . I resigned job telling muly boss about all and came back home. It was Nov,2015. I start getting yhese uncontrollable rage that I locked myself in a room. Parents took to a local shrink who put me on Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine(CRF), lamotrigine, resperidal, Seroquel. The NEXT Day I woke up so fresh .. all calm like 12 yrs back .. i was smiling happy.. but it lasted only 4 hrs .. and i am doomed again . I took those meds 10 days and i decided to go off. Physical Damage. I got brain zaps as sounds with eye movement .. While on Paxil I got severe neck stiffness and movement pains - which came out as Osteophytes. Anger , heart race , memory, fog , chest pains , fatigue ... All I beared for 4 months. Reinstatement after 4 months. Father took me to another psych who put me on Sertraline+ Aripropazole+ Seroquel. I started having increases restless legs than before and the doctor asked me not to go over net. After 2 visits and when he said it wslas Aripropazole for restlessness all time.. and he is cutting it . I stopped all meds . Withdrawals in 8 months. All first symptoms with some new like utter sensitivity in teeth. It is while breathe in most of the teeth . Muscles gone from forearms .. My left hands gone ulnar neuropathy and i got surgery done when no hope lived. Right hand has stiffness too . MAnger I am living with .. I have stopped talking .. I have decided to go sit on my Shop but I was unable to understand the talk . In spite anger biuts and memory makes it difficult to adjust. I keep forgetting people faces .. important talks . So i stopped . Now I am muted all the time with burst inside . Read success stories and play CoC. This is the most I can write now.

Hello SA community, This is my first post here, I would like to tell my story to get more insights hopefully from people who have been through the same or similar. I know psy drugs are similar in many ways but also different, and especially people who may have undiagnosed physical ailments those drugs maybe masking or making worse. I am kind of lost at this point and desperate for sound advices. My story began in October 2016, I was perscribed pregabalin 75mg twice a day (150mg total) for IBS pain, a touch of anxiety, and fibromyalgia, by GP, when I refused to take antidepressants, I was convinced pregabalin was not the same and agreed to take it. My first few doses of pregabalin worked wonderfully, it managed all my complaints, however this didn't last long, on my second week of pregabalin I started having some new strange anxiety, which developed and progressed into full blown continuous panic hell by the end of second week, I immediately stopped pregabalin, but my new panic hell continued, I kept telling myself it would go away eventually, but it didn't, a month went by like a nightmare and eventually became what I now know was akathesia. I went back to my psychiatrist, who i havent been seeing for a while, who then didn't believe me and said my symptoms sounds like addiction, as he knew I tried a few sessions of psychedelics and MDMA in the past trying to cure my anxiety along with psychotherapy sessions at his office, which he didn't approve of and labeled me "drug history" I was also a daily stoner and wasn't shy about it. My psychiatrist then after extensive surveys and interviews, he concluded that I was addicted to pregabalin, and had me back on it and told me I need to taper slowly now. To my ignorance, I believed him and followed his advice. I also joined a FB group dedicated to pregabalin withdrawal, which convinced me even more of my psychiatrist point if view when I saw more people like me who were on pregabalin for a short period of time yet had to taper off slowly. My taper was taking forever, I was still suffering quite badly all day and night for 6 months and was down to 100mg from 150mg of pregabalin. My concerned family then consulted another psychiatrists and had me see a new one, who told me the only way out of pregabalin is to take mirtazapine, I hesitated alot but I was becoming a skeleton from weight loss and completely lost my mind. So I took my first dose of pregabalin in February 2017. It was 15mg, and BOOM, I knew I will be able to stop pregabalin as all my symptoms got at least 50%-70% better from just one dose of mirtazapine, 2 months later I was able to stop pregabalin in April 2017, and resumed my career as a manager in a pharmaceutical company (irony) in August 2017, by that time I was in top mental and physical health and even my IBS went away after few weeks on mirtazapine and gained some very needed weight. 2 months into my new job, in October 2017 I started waking up with strange nausea that developed into cyclical vomiting every morning. I had switched from smoking to vaping a month before that and still vape. I was referred to GI doctor who tested me positive for H. Pylori and had me on quadruple h. Pylori therapy, it didn't help and made me worse (ALOt worse). I was back to my psychiatrist who was my hero saviors who saved me from pregabalin to save me again, he gave me amisulpride 100mg and then added bromazepam 1.5mg in the morning and increased my mirtazapine to 30mg. It saved me again and I kept taking this cocktail until now but I managed to lower amisulpride to 25mg over few years. Couldn't stop it and when I tried I get into bad cyclical vomiting again. 2018 was all about working, but my IBS was getting worse and I started diets and natural protocols to manage it May 2018 I got engaged to my lovely wife who lived in Thailand, but I started gaining more weight and more IBS and food intolerance got worse and worse. June 2019 I got married in Thailand, life was good apart from my weight gain, and gut issues. I went back to my country to work a bit more. September 2020, traveled to Thailand to be with my wife, had to do quarantine in a hospital since it was covid. During my quarantine I had the worst food and gut issues I have ever had in my life, and my anxiety was very bad, nevertheless, we thought it was from the food that was offered and loneliness of the quarantine. However after finally finishing the quarantine, and moving in with my wife who is a pharmacist, my issues in Thailand got out of hand, I couldn't tolerate any food, the weather or anything, but I kept pushing it and seeking medical care and also trying endless diets and alternative therapies. My condition kept deteriorating over the next year and a half then I traveled back home in October 2021 for a vacation, 2 days in home and my gi and mental health and strange anxiety went away almost 80% But I traveled back to my wife in December 2021 and the same thing happened, few days in Thailand and all my gut symptoms and strange anxiety came back, and started deteriorating even more, dizziness, breathlessness, tinnitus, fibromyalgia, severe food reactions and gut issues and I was diagnosed CFS/ME and was advised to go on LDN (Low dose Naltrexone) in July 2022, it helped a bit but not much. I traveled back to my country in April 2023 (2 months ago) and my symptoms got better but not as much as I hoped, I also discontinued LDN as I thought it wasn't helping and maybe putting more load on my liver, now I'm here in my country, afraid to go back to Thailand but also suffering lots of gut issues here, anxiety, tinnitus, and weight loss. I saw my psychiatrist hero who saved me now 2 times, but this time he sounded a bit out of "tricks" and the only thing he can do is give me a new drug, it was Anafranil, and told me to cross taper over a couple of weeks, which I didn't take and looking to get a second opinion. I went to the best gastroenterologist in my country, one of the top on the world, described my situation, he ordered me minitran 2/25mg which is a combination of amitriptyline 25mg and an antipsychotic I never heard off. He told me to do a cold switch as he thought mirtazapine was causing many of my issues. I'm now confused, living hell again and addicted to 3 drugs, mirtazapine 30mg, amisulpride 25mg, bromazepam 1.5mg and tried cutting of 1/3rd of a mirtazapine tablet trying desperately to come off, I only lasted 36h and all my symptoms, gut issues and many neurological issues got worse, I went back to 30mg mirtazapine and ordered liquid suspension vehicle to try come off more gradually, which I didn't start because I feel it will take forever and my baseline and gut issues are bad enough already to start any taper. I am contemplating my gastroenterologist advice for amitriptyline but so afraid to do any move. A slow taper can cost me my marriage which is falling a part now due to my health. Although my wife is very loving and supportive, i am being realistic that we can't maintain a healthy relationship for the period needed for a slow taper while being in 2 different countries. I can't let that happen to her although she supports this solution rather than a cold switch to amitriptyline or Anafranil. But 2 years is a lot of time for the devil to work his way between us in my experience in relationships. I am not sure what to do now. Any thoughts, experiences is really appreciated, what would you do if it was you? Thanks for reading to this point ❤️

Hello. I am wanting some advice on withdrawing from the drugs I am currently on. I am taking 60 mg cymbalta, 5 mg zyprexa and 7.5 mg mirtazapine. I would like to withdraw from all 3 at the same time. Is this possible

I was directed here from reddit because I wanted to cling on to success stories. I need hope. 8 years ago I had personal and career trauma, and lots of misunderstandings with my mom. I ended up being unable to do my masters thesis which spiralled to escaping via sleeping. Around 2015 I seeked help with Doc A. She was very careful. Ended up with Lexapro, the least uncomfy, but no effect on the depression symptoms. She was always busy on radio shows and late to appointments. I switched to another doc. Doc B said the antidepressants were "brain vitamins" and very very safe. He said I stayed too long with Lexapro with no visible effect so we should change it. He said he took them himself and he was ok. He gave me a list of ADs and told me to get back at him when I found the drug that I was most comfy with. He said try the different brands too coz they have their own "recipe." Paroxetine, Fluoxetine, Duloxetine, Mirtazapine, Venlafaxine... I cannot remember all coz the list was long. I ended up in the hospital after GI issues that nobody could pinpoint the cause/cure. I failed to tell them about the series of meds I cycled through. I was scared so I stopped all the meds. Then I felt panic and pain and other things I could not understand. Doc B was unreachable. I found another doc Doc C who got me back to Lexapro. I finished the prescription, was not able to meet Doc C so I went back to Doc B. He suggested going back to the list. It was March 2020 and we had a feeling that Covid lockdown was imminent. I chose lexapro because it was "safe" and had least chance to land me in a hospital in the middle of lockdown. September 2020 I switched to Doctor D because she was accessible online. I think I did a pause on Lexapro before this. And my anxiety was sky high. My senior citizen dad had heart problems and he got Covid. She gradually reintroduced Escitalopram, then she added Duloxetine, then she added Alprazolam. This whole combo lasted for approximately a year. I still had mood swings, I lashed out when the anxiety became too much, I had minimal advancements to my thesis. I was the only one in the family "fit enough" to drive and go out during lockdown. Around June or July 2021 she swapped to Bromazepam (Lexotan) so the new combo was Escitalopram, Duloxetine and Bromazepam. No guidance why, didn't even tell me alcohol was not allowed with benzos, "checking side effects would just scare you." All throughout, we were doing weekly consults, and I trusted her and hoped she could help with my trauma etc. 1 hr sessions turned into 15 mins. I guess she was just checking if I was still "okay." She had no plans of taking me off. Just supply and supply. I wanted off so I started my bumpy DIY taper around January 2023. Someone recommended a Doc E who was said to be really good but ny sched with her was still on April 2 2023. Withdrawal hit me like a semi so I took some meds and restarted DIY taper. I was completely off by March. Sent an SOS mid-march to Doc E. Withdrawal was awful. Doc E gave me mirtazapine. For mood disorder. I thought she was gonna taper me using this. 1 month of hell. I gained 10kg, groggy, always hungry, aggression, GI issues. April 25 2023 she switched me to Abilify, 3 days later I cried to her and said I am so sorry I cannot take it anymore. She said beware of relapse. She said i did not need to taper the mirta and abilify. She recommended a CBT therapist and told me she can't help me as I did not want meds. The 3 years of benzos were not addressed. May 2023 was great. Mental clarity. Joy. Advancement in thesis. Then I got Covid for a week. I got healed but then the GI issues started. The panic. May 28 2023, I started getting akathisia -like symptoms. Until now. Found out that benzos were for short term only. Found out about VERY slow tapering. I am scared, angry, and really sad. Through this experience, I had a heart to heart with my mom. Maybe we should have tried talk therapy first. The meds did not help maybe because the wounds needed talks and hugs and understanding. 2 months zero benzos. 1 month zero brain drugs. I am still torn if I should go back to the doc and do a slow taper (will they even let me tho?) People in benzo support forum said I should tough it out. I took out 3 meds in just 1 month. I am reading that my chances are slim. But I am scared to go back.

Hello everyone, This is my first post, and I wanted to express my sincere appreciation for the supportive environment this forum provides to individuals grappling with antidepressant withdrawal symptoms. The particulars of my journey can be found in my signature block, but in short, I've been navigating a three-month withdrawal process following an abrupt cessation of over three years of antidepressant use [cycling through the TCA class of drugs with Amitryptoline, Trazadone (Trittico), and Mirtazapine (Remeron)]. The withdrawal symptoms were triggered by the decision of my psychiatrist to abruptly switch me to Pristiq (Desvenlafaxine, an SNRI). After complaints of fatigue and depression, his expectation was that the SNRI would give me an energy boost. This switch was aggravated by the decision to not cross taper. Instead, within 24 hours stopping Remeron and starting Pristiq triggered nearly manic side effects. I was in a hyper-agitated state, dizzy and unable to sleep. He suggested I continue with Pristiq for a week to see if symptoms improved, after they did not, he cold turkey transitioned me to an SSRI (Lexapro) to test its efficacy. Unfortunately, this change didn't bring any improvement. Ultimately, we attempted to reinstate Trittico at a very low dosage. By that point, however, my body had become hypersensitive and reacted adversely to any changes. About 100 days later, my withdrawal symptoms are still significant, with only sporadic periods of reprieve. My most debilitating symptoms include severe dizziness and disassociation (which can last for days), brain fog and forgetfulness, hypersensitivity to certain foods and stimulants like sugar and caffeine, intense anxiety and insomnia, and a persistent, severe ache in my neck muscles that make it feel as though my entire head is trapped in a vise. I also suffer from a constant, low-grade stomachache. These symptoms are negatively impacting my work and personal relationships, which leaves me questioning whether I should consider reinstating a low dosage of one of the original successful drugs (Amatryptoline, Trazadone or Mirtazapine) in an attempt to alleviate these issues. Alternatively, I'm wondering if it would be better to continue without introducing drugs, out of fear of potentially exacerbating the situation. I've also explored virtually every dietary supplement available, but I'm unsure whether any have a real impact. Despite maintaining a healthy diet and exercising lightly each day, I'm not witnessing any significant improvements. Does anyone know of any reliable methods to lessen these symptoms? Since Pristiq seemed to have caused this effect on my body, are there any other people who have transitioned from TCAs to an SNRI and experienced the same negative symptoms? What does the recovery timeline look like? At 90+ days, I am severely demoralized and considering restarting anti-depressants. Having read through numerous posts on this forum, I am well aware there's no simple solution. However, my confidence in my psychiatrist has been completely undermined due to his choices to rapidly switch me through medications and his subsequent trial-and-error approach in trying to correct that initial error. Currently, I take 25mg of Xanax at night to aid sleep, but this doesn't guarantee a restful sleep, and I often wake up in a state of panic. I'd be grateful for any advice or guidance on what steps I might take next, as it feels as though I've exhausted all my options. I'm currently undergoing therapy to tackle my baseline anxiety, which has been beneficial, but it doesn't tackle the fundamental issue - the alterations in my neurochemistry and the impact that years of antidepressant use has had on my brain. I am hopeful that there are strategies or tips out there that might alleviate these symptoms and assist me on my journey towards a drug-free life. With sincere thanks.

I successfully tapered off .25 mg Clonazepam in April 2022. Had taken for 1.25 years for anxiety and sleep. Started doxepin June 2022 then added mirtazapine in late September 2022 to help me sleep. I don't feel it's still helping my sleep. Wish to go off it safely. Taking magnesium and melatonin which help my sleep. Want to start taper by taking 5.65 mg mirtazapine (3/4 of 7.5 mg).

Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25+ Years of Use One-year post taper “success story” – http://survivingantidepressants.org Elbee (male) - August 27, 2020 At the time of this success story post, I have passed the one-year mark (15+ months) living drug-free. I am speaking to you from “the other side” of hell to let you know I made it through the nightmare of psychiatric drug withdrawal -- and so can you. I want to start by saying that everyone’s withdrawal from psychiatric drugs is going to differ – no two paths are the same. While there will be commonalities in what we each experience, there will also be differences. I also believe that none of us are uniquely or irreparably “broken,” and that each of us can find a path to living much fuller, healthier lives in greater freedom. To be clear, I had doubts throughout this process . . . believing that somehow, I was MORE “broken,” and that I wouldn’t find my way out of the darkness. But the natural, innate healing power we each possess is profoundly AWESOME, and it quietly, patiently works in the background in each of our lives. . . even if we can’t see it, and even if we don’t trust it. For me, the psychiatric drug withdrawal / tapering process turned out to be an invitation to learn how to live my life differently. It became clear to me in this journey that I could never go back to some idealized place I vaguely imagined myself clinging to . . . I could only move forward to somewhere I had not yet been. I need to be honest: It is still hard to revisit and write about just how painful this drug withdrawal process was. Now that I’m feeling so much better, a part of me wants to forget the whole ordeal . . . as if looking in a rear-view mirror, driving ever-further away. And the reality is that this rear-view mirror perspective is very much real -- I’m SO grateful not to be suffocating in such intense pain anymore! But it is also true I will carry the scars of this experience with me for the rest of my life. It is clear to me now that some of me died through this drug withdrawal process. It is also true that the most precious parts of me came back to life. And I am still healing. I was very much disabled through the most intensive parts of the drug taper. I was on these psych drugs for panic attacks, anxiety, and depression my entire adult life, over 25 years. Additionally, I was drinking alcohol abusively, and relying on multiple pots of coffee and a pack of cigarettes to get me through each day. Even before I had decided to get off the meds, I was utterly exhausted most of the time, barely functional, and unconsciously stumbling through life like a zombie. I knew I had to fundamentally change how I was living. The first step in my detox efforts was to quit alcohol in April of 2014, 30 years after taking my first drink as a kid. Thankfully, I was able to release alcohol from my life relatively easily. Whatever boost alcohol had given me previously was gone, and it was clear to me as a 44 year old man that the devastating hangovers I experienced were getting more difficult. Then, over that following summer and under doctor supervision, I “tapered” entirely off both the Lorazepam and Zoloft that I had been taking for 24 years. I experienced tons of anxiety in the process, but I did it, and after the 4-month ordeal, I thought I was in the clear. Unfortunately, about six weeks after taking my last dose of Zoloft, what I now know to be protracted withdrawal hit, and my life spun into a depth of hell that words cannot describe. Instead of re-instating the same drugs I had been taking, the doctors took me on an 8-month “trial-and-error” roller coaster ride of psychiatric drug experimentation. I finally ended up on higher doses of the drugs I had originally quit, plus Remeron added in for good measure. Through all of this, I landed in a very bad place – exhausted, functionally disabled, unable to work, and unsure what to do next. I had some savings in the bank I could live on for a few years, so I decided to “hole up” to do a new taper, following the much slower tapering protocol of the SurvivingAntidepressants.org website. But my savings were limited, so I used the 10% reduction protocol as a baseline, and pushed the taper as fast as I could without killing myself in the process. I’m not sure I would suggest this approach to anyone else, but in my situation, that’s what I did. Note: I’m going to refrain from listing out all the symptomatic horrors I experienced (there were many) as I write this success story. Here is the link, if you’re interested, to my introductory thread which details my four-year psychiatric drug withdrawal process: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11862-%E2%98%BC-elbee-25-years-of-meds/ And I want to take a moment here to say how incredibly grateful I am to @Altostrata, @Shep @brassmonkey, @bubble, @apace41, @Gridley, @Rhiannon (her writings), @JanCarol, @KarenB, @ChessieCat, @Petunia, @scallywag and all the folks at SurvivingAntidepressants.org who helped save my life. I also came across Robert Whitaker’s book, Anatomy of an Epidemic around the same time I found this site, and from these resources, I knew I had stumbled into truth. It became clear to me that so much of what the mainstream medical establishment had told me about these drugs, and about my so-called “chemical imbalance,” was false -- I had been lied to. SurvivingAntidepressants.org helped me anchor into this truth and set me on a new course. THANK YOU! With these new resources, I came to understand that getting off the drugs wasn’t just a simple matter of refraining from ingesting chemicals, or even about waiting for those chemicals to dissipate out of my body. I learned that my brain had restructured itself around the presence of the drugs all these years and that by removing the drugs, my brain would have to, very slowly, restructure itself again to a healthy state. The metaphor of a plant (my brain) growing on a trellis (the drugs) for support is so profound to me. How can I expect to abruptly rip out the trellis and think that it won’t damage the plant in devastating ways? This metaphor was such a clear illustration to me of how a neuroplastic human brain builds tolerance, and how we can so easily become entangled in the physiological mechanisms of addiction. And to be very clear, our brains develop tolerance to psychiatric drugs just like they do street drugs, and the mechanics of addiction and withdrawal in each are the same. Gaining this knowledge and allowing it to sink in was probably one of the most important early milestones in my healing process. In preparing for writing this success story, I re-read my entire introductory thread. Several pivotal posts stood out to me as other milestones in my healing process, and while this testimonial might go long, I think it could be useful to touch on some of them . . . In my very first post, I am already talking about the value of meditation. Sitting with myself quietly and focusing on my breath helped me slow down my mind and learn to relax. As I continued with the practice, though, I began experiencing periods of discomfort. I had initially taken the psychiatric drugs to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings, and as I practiced meditating space was again created for those feelings to arise. Learning to slowly sit with and tolerate whatever thoughts and feelings arose began to nullify my need to run away, and therefore, lesson my urge to drug the discomfort. Meditation became a cornerstone of my self-care practice, and self-care is what I ultimately found to replace the drugs. Next milestone -- about a year later, I wrote an entry about a decision I was struggling with on whether to consult with a renowned psychiatrist. A relative was able to get me an appointment for a psychiatric medication evaluation from a “leader in the field” (at the bargain price of $2,000). Looking back, it was then I decided I no longer believed in the efficacy of psychiatric drugs, nor the system that deals in them. I wrote: Next, in the summer of 2016, still early in my tapering and recovery process, I went on a 111-day, 9,000-mile solo road trip across the U.S. In retrospect, I was probably looking for something “out there” that was missing “in here.” I did a four-day vision fast in the wilderness, hiked a 14,000-foot mountain, roamed Death Valley, did a week-long silent meditation retreat, camped under redwoods, hiked numerous National Parks, etc. Was it really a good idea to take this pilgrimage in such a compromised state? I can’t say for sure, but it’s what I did, and I think it cracked through defenses that needed to open. In the Hoh Forest of Olympic National Park in Washington state, I experienced a release of emotions like I had never felt before. It was in that moment I finally realized that releasing stored emotional blockages could ease my anxiety: Another milestone: Upon returning home to Florida later that fall, I dove more deeply into my involvement with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-Step program. In conjunction with doing EMDR with a skilled, compassionate trauma therapist, ACA helped me crack through layers of protective childhood denial that I had carried into adulthood. Some people advise NOT deliberately digging into the unconscious too much while going through psychiatric drug withdrawal, but my path has been that of heavy digging. I accepted living in a disabled state for a period of time and felt that if I was going to get off these drugs, I needed to address what drove me to take them in the first place. By early summer of 2017, my commitment to this recovery approach had strengthened. Along with addressing the trauma associated with childhood family dysfunction, I opened another door . . . into the shame and terror I experienced hiding as a closeted young gay boy and gay teen. I had initially come out 25 years earlier at age 20 (the same time I started taking the psych drugs), but that was only part of my truth I was hiding. The secrets of my sexual orientation were built upon the secrets of having grown up in family dysfunction: Homophobia turned out to be compounding trauma, and I had been living in a closet within a closet. I had more inner work to do. Perhaps one of my most significant milestones was realizing how important it was for me to take the lead in my healing, and how easily I had deferred to the “expertise of authorities” in my life. By June of 2017, I had navigated my way off the benzos completely, and I recognized the importance of building an internal sense of trust – connecting with my more authentic self to discover a new inner compass. Despite appearing outwardly confident most of my life, inner trust was something I lacked. By allowing myself to fully feel, I had opened to recognizing my own authentic needs, to directly and respectfully communicating my needs, and to setting healthy limits and boundaries. By learning these important skills that I had missed earlier in life, I discovered greater internal trust with myself, and greater discernment in trusting others. By January of 2018, I had another important insight: I more fully recognized I was going through an internal chemical withdrawal process in addition to detoxing from the drugs I was ingesting. Behavioral (or process) compulsions and addictions all have physiological and neurological correlates, and I had been heavily “dosing” throughout my life using my own “internal drug store.” This realization profoundly shifted my perspective on my psychiatric drug withdrawal process, seeing it in a more comprehensive context. A lot of my recovery has involved working with an “inner critic” that had been driving me most of my life, born and sustained from a lack of unconditional love. Ironically, this harshness was so pervasive that I had never consciously known it was there. My inner critic constantly pushed me into the extremes of all-nothing thinking. Again, meditative practices more than anything helped me identify this was going on, and ACA reparenting (inner child work) has allowed me to soften it. By the end of 2018, I started discovering something that had evaded me my whole life – moderation, and a general sense of “OK-ness.” By April 2019, I had found a new pace in life to accompany my new inner compass, and I was nearing the full completion of my psychiatric drug taper. I was one-year benzo-free at this point, and at times, I was overwhelmed with heights of new sensations and emotions. I was feeling things I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager because I had been drugged my entire adult life. It was overpowering in many ways, but I was so grateful to be “awakening” to a much more fully human life. On April 28, 2019, I was finally free from Zoloft, and my psychiatric drug taper was complete. I had found a way out of the darkness, and I had survived. I couldn’t remember having ever felt so alive. So, while this isn’t my entire recovery story, I’m fulfilling my promise to report back and share my continuing journey with others. Where do things stand today, 15 months after taking a psychiatric drug for the last time ever? No need to panic. I’m not experiencing depersonalization, derealization (DP/DR), or panic attacks in frightening ways. I do still feel what I might call different states of consciousness, but often there is a positive, expansive quality to these experiences. Perhaps some might call this bliss? I haven’t really found ways to talk about it yet clearly, but I don’t experience panic attacks in the ways I used to. I still have fears of them returning, but less so with time. I also get “eerie” feelings now and again, but I have found ways to work with that when it happens, and it doesn’t usually last long. Scariest weirdness has ceased. Most of the “unexplainable” adverse reactions I experienced don’t happen anymore. I would get terrible flu-like symptoms for days at a time . . . hot flashes and chills, body aches, cramps, twitches, headaches, fogginess and disorientation, exhaustion, etc. Sometimes my heart would start racing for no apparent reason, or I would have trouble breathing. I had chronic digestion issues. I had intense agoraphobia, even paranoia at times. I had problems making the simplest decisions. All of this, for the most part, has subsided. Consistent rest. My sleep has changed dramatically, and I’m so grateful. I have struggled with sleep my entire life . . . unable to fall asleep at night and feeling anxious and “hungover” with crippling anxiety each morning. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to sleep “normally” from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. and wake-up feeling well-rested. Today, more times than not, my sleep resembles very much what I used to wish for. I wrote an entry summarizing what I’ve done to address my sleep issues here. Keep gently working with triggers. I still have intense anxiety at times and find myself in hypervigilant states. I’ve come to understand this as a trauma response, and I can usually identify what has triggered me and/or how my inner critic has become activated. I’ve developed self-care routines that help to reduce these reactions, and that help me come out of this state much more quickly and easily. Some old wounds have healed permanently – some things that used to trigger me no longer do. AND I want to emphasize there are days now, thankfully, I live virtually anxiety-free. Self-care (reparenting) is my new drug. I had SO much resistance to doing self-care my whole life (for many reasons I won’t get into here). And by self-care, I don’t mean treating myself to a spa day (though that probably doesn’t hurt). I mean the day-in and day-out routines of physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually tending to myself like I’m the most precious being in the world. Self-care is what got me to where I am today, and it will be the practice of my lifetime. Don’t overdo it. As my life continues to get fuller, I can easily start “checking-out” again. If I stay dissociated for too long, I will pay for it. If I overcommit while on autopilot, I will have adverse reactions when I reconnect with myself. If I try to shortcut too much on the self-care, I will most definitely feel it, and I will struggle. Moving forward, I have to be very careful not to take on too much too quickly, and simply take next best steps. The worst is over. I’ve come to accept that I will never know how much of the excruciating symptoms I experienced these past years were due directly to the psychiatric drug withdrawal, versus how much was due to all the “inner work” I was doing. What I can say is that the symptoms from folks going through psychiatric drug withdrawal and folks doing inner transformative (trauma) work tend to be very much the same. It’s uncanny really, and I can’t explain it. But these two processes seem to very much mirror each other. What I can say is that while there will still be “windows and waves” as my brain keeps healing, and while I still have more “inner work” to do, I’m confident the heaviest lifting for me is done now. Perhaps most indicative of the healing I’ve experienced, I’m feeling well enough now that I’m back in school earning a Master’s in Social Work (MSW) – I’m going to become a therapist. While I’m a bit uneasy stepping towards healthcare systems that betrayed me so deeply, I also feel this is how I can be of most benefit. I’ve come to fully believe that my wounds are intrinsically linked to my gifts, and as I continue to heal my wounds, my gifts will become increasingly available. I’ve been doing volunteer work for some time now, which has helped me to “move back out into the world,” and I hope to transition into paid work soon. I’ve been meeting with people in support capacities, and I envision “coaching” people at some point until I more formally earn my credentials. I plan to be very open about my history with psychiatric drugs, as well as my recovery process. I journaled extensively all throughout my recovery process, and perhaps I will share the “long version” of my story in the future (yes, this is the short version). For now, writing this success story is an important next step in my “coming out.” Thank you for witnessing my healing. Elbee-Success-Story_Free from Zoloft and Benzos After 25 years on them.pdf

So my history is that I started taking anti-depressants for anxiety and mild to moderate depression. Ive always suffered with social anxiety, in particular eating in front of people that I perceived to be 'important' people but they were strangers. If I knew I was going into a situation where I would be expected to eat in front of strangers then I always had an extra pill prescribed by my GP. Propranolol was the drug of choice to be used as a PRN drug on top of my SSRI tablet. I used to take venlafaxine but this was changed a few year ago to Fluoxotene and has recently been added to by my GP and so I now take Mirtazapine in the evening. So as you can see I am not looking to withdraw at the moment but having watched the Panorama programme which has given me food-for-thought. I will come here again when the time is right to look at withdrawal! I will also use this and other sites to gather support and information.... Oh and I am 57. Been on anti depressants for over 30 years and I live in Wiltshire, UK

I can only post in introductions because I'm new here I assume. I'll post a short background so skip to get to my question. Background: Around midway through 2020 I was hit by sudden depression and anxiety I'd never had before. I thought I had food poisoning first. But when what I guess was that physical anxiety left, I noticed everything felt grey. In terms of a cause, it did, and still does, feel random - clinical. I can understand what may have caused it, but it feels more of a trigger for a genetic predisposition rather than a build up of issues. I was at a dead end in life, but these issues were different. Felt seperate from the unexpected depression. I've always been the kind to be unbothered by surroundings. It started in episodes that would routinely last a couple weeks, and I'd be fine for a bit. Intensity and time inbetween would always vary, but it would always last around the same. I got hit by an episode particularly bad at Christmas of 2020 and was put on Mirtazapine. I've never had social anxiety, or really any regular form of anxiety, but I become very viscerally anxious in depressive episodes, so mirtazapine helped with the lack of sleep that was causing. Mirtazapine kind of worked. 2021 was my breeziest year since this started. Kept the bad episodes at bay, but I wasn't happy with the weight gain and lack of motivation. I went through a lengthy process trying to quit at the start of 2022. My withdrawal symptoms were pretty much just those bad episodes over again. I eventually succeeded and started on Lexapro midway through 2022. That's when I truly came to understand anhedonia. My process of lexapro started on a dip, and it just kind of never left for the first time. It probably felt this way as anhedonia is my main symptom of depression. I was more on the normal side than I was during an episode, but my emotions and motivation were noticeably vacant. I got sick of that about 4 months, and switched to prozac around September 2022. Clearly at this point I still hadn't looked into SSRIs enough. Switching was very easy, the only plus I'll give to lexapro is I didn't get any withdrawals. Probably as I was switching straight to another SSRI. Prozac seemed to be better at first. I had some motivation approaching Christmas, and enjoyed most of November December, with some days in between being grey. I noticed when I didn't have a distraction like preparing for Christmas depression was still creeping. Then a day or so after Christmas I slipped into a moderate episode. I had the same experience as the episode starting lexapro, it just kind of never lifted but slightly worse. At least on lexapro I kind of got into a groove. Looking back I hoped how I felt starting prozac was my brain medication free, so was hopeful I'd return to this after quitting and continue to get better. But this wasn't the case. So: -Mirtazapine gave me broad motivation issues. I was happy sticking to a routine but didn't really have the same fire I had before -Lexapro, I was pretty emotionally mute, and motivation was worse, but I could slip into a routine still. -Prozac seemed promising at first, but during January 2023 I would be completely bored regardless of what I was doing. The emotions were slightly better, but still not being able to maintain interest in anything made things feel grey. I quit after a short taper, around mid February, making it around 6 months on Prozac. I know a short taper is a bad idea, but figured if the meds caused my issues it would be better to have them out of my system. If withdrawals got bad, I'd simply taper better. I had a pretty bad episode a couple weeks after, but had similar withdrawal experiences on Mirtazapine. That somewhat lifted, but once again I didn't return to normal. March was slightly better than Jan-Feb. I had a little more motivation, but would be very up and down. Similar to when I started Prozac but worse. I got hit with a worse episode around the end of March. And since then I've been okay some days, but depressed most of the time. Oh! Forgot to mention I've been put on agomelatine to help with sleep, but 3 weeks in I don't notice a difference. Figure it's too early to tell. So to summarise: Before medication, I'd go from good to bad. Now, after SSRIs I go from bad to worse. Question: So, I've explained my background and how before medication my depression would come in waves. But ever since trying SSRIs and quitting 2 months ago, it's constant. I would have thought I'd be back to how I was before medication. My better state before prozac kicked in suggested this. I've looked into this a bit with a few explanations: 1. Withdrawals/discontinuation syndrome: I hear this can last a while, but what makes me doubt this is I get no other symptoms beside depression/anxiety, which manifests the same as my depression before medication. 2. Relapse: symptoms line up more, but the depression I'm experiencing now is very similar to my anhedonia issues seemingly caused by the SSRIs. And if said meds didn't help, in fact made me worse, why would I be relapsing in similar ways to how they made me feel. I'd also put the idea my brain is readjusting to being natural in this category. 3. The anhedonic effects from the SSRIs are still going on: this partially explains issues with previous points, but the prozac should be out of my system 2 months in. And I do feel different than on prozac, just not better. 4. My depression naturally got worse: this is the only other thing I can think of, but the timeline matches up too well with the SSRIs for this to be likely. 5. PSSD: Anhedonia can be part of this, but lack of sexual side effects make this unlikely. So I've come to this site as it seems to have the most understanding of these medications than nearly anywhere else. What do you think explains my current situation?

I’m really really struggling lately. Suffering akathesia. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. It’s overwhelming and horrific. It’s been 13 months since this started and it doesn’t seem to be improving. My mind just won’t shut off with the negative ruminating. I feel there isn’t any way out of this. And it kills me this is my life. Just needed a place to vent my thoughts. Thank you for listening