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Hi, I was on .5 Mg 1x day of Klonopin for 28 years, my GP updoses it to 3 x day....terrible pyridoxal reaction, Dr. added 10 Mg Prozac which helped the terrible reaction. Did a 2 year taper off Klonopin. 6 Months after being off I started a 5 - 6 month taper off the Prozac. Been off Klonopin 15 months; Off Prozac little over 4 months. Having terrible monophobia (which I kinda had over these last 28 years), huge terror, obsessive thoughts, ruminating thoughts, extreme anger / rage, insomnia. I called both my dr. and therapist crying today. Dr. wants me to re-instate the Prozac. Is this still benzo withdrawal or Prozac wd ??? I am SO scared of meds.....I wonder if this is me or meds ???

Hi All! Was previously on Lexapro from 2016-2022. Last dose Dec 1, 2022. Severe and debilitating anxiety and panic reared November 2023 and after about a month I asked my family doc if I could start Prozac. After 7 weeks, it is not doing anything, and the side effects (I assume they are) are really difficult to deal with. So I'd like to come off. I am not sure if I will try something else. I am having lots of issues functioning and the physical anxiety is extreme so i may still need help (besides therapy). (Palps, vomiting daily, adrenal surges, shaking limbs, loss of appetite, and on and on) I need advice on how to stop the Prozac. I was on 5mg, went down to 4mg for 10 days, now on 3mg. Since I was only on for 7 weeks and never got above 5mg, do I still need to do the 10% taper? I feel like then the taper will be longer than me being on it and I just want it out of my system. At what point do I just jump? I have liquid version.

Hi, I have been struggling with hearing sensitivity and eye issues ever since I made the mistake of listening to my neurologist and trying Effexor, and then upon recommendation of a psychiatrist, Prozac. Both were for short time periods. I am a little more than 4 months out of my last prozac dose. Ears/Hearing: hypersensitive to certain sounds - sudden sounds, sharp impact sounds, crinkling plastic wrappers etc. High pitched tinnitus that is generally not too instrusive and can be better or worse but always there. No hearing loss as of post-Effexor, pre-prozac. Eyes: “tight” feeling that is somewhat better than a few months ago but still not normal. I probably have some visual snow, and my night vision is worse because it’s like my eyes are amplifying light that’s not even there. Constantly bloodshot and dry eyes - taking restasis but opthamologist didn’t see any other eye issues. Balance: generally ok but occasional unsteadiness. Other: Mild constipation: gastroenterologist didn’t see anything wrong. Some TMJ pain and minor random muscle twitches. Occasional facial tremors that are better than a few months ago but not gone. Frequent trouble sleeping- falling asleep, getting enough sleep or deep sleep. Basically I believe that these drugs hypersensitized me. I sincerely hope that this hypersensitivity will decrease over time. I have seen some improvement vs say 2 months ago, but I have a long way to go. I have read on this site that it can take a long time for the nervous system to calm down. I believe that I am generally improved on magnitude of sensitivity vs say 2 months ago, but I am clearly not on a “some people take as much as a month to recover” timeframe.

Hello all, I have been reading this site for awhile but recently decided to join. Please forgive me for any misspellings or anything poorly written as my brain is not what it once was as a result of these drugs. Even finding the motivation to write this post took me multiple days. My parents were very pro-medication at a young age, I developed OCD around age 10 and took Zoloft for approximately 2 years as I was told I needed it to get better. I was also on Ritalin from age 5-13. I went through most of high school and college unmedicated, until the end of college around age 21 deciding to seek out adderall again as my grades were starting to take a hit. I also had a breakup at the time and a doctor put me on 40mg fluoxetine (prozac). I wasn't even that sad but he said it would help take the edge off. I didn't think twice about this drug after taking it, and somehow ended up taking it for the following 10 years. Fast forward to age 31 (about 1.5 years ago) Things were going incredibly well in my life, recently married, job going well, driven and enjoying life, and I looked at my pill one day and thought, Why am I still taking this? I learned about the long half life of this drug and since I was told 10mg was the lowest dose, I asked my doc to change to 10mg which he did without a real question. I went from 40 to 20 to 10 in about a month, and then started taking the 10 every other day, every third day, every 4 days, and so on, until I got to one pill every two weeks. Since this was the minimum dose, I figured this was the most drawn out "taper" possible. I took my last pill somewhere around October of 2022 and oddly enough, the 2-3 weeks that followed were incredible. Life was brighter than it had ever been, I was happy and motivated to take my life to even another level i had not yet experienced. About one month off the drug, I started to notice some very strange effects. My body and mind did not feel right. I had extreme mood swings and fatigue, complete loss of libido that has never returned, and other symptoms. I got my testosterone tested and it was very low, in the first percentile for my age. Health is my biggest passion and I had done nothing to cause this, I had continued my extremely healthy eating, active lifestyle, great sleep etc so I found this very odd. I eventually went back on the drug for approximately 1.5 months to see if it helped with my issues and libido (and I had genital numbness), but it didn't seem to make any meaningful difference (I also dont think I tried it long enough) so I did the same "taper" again around Feb of 2023. Looking back my taper was probably more of a cold turkey than a taper, given my last dose was still a full dose (10mg). My testosterone level started to improve, but not without a ton of other symptoms coming and going over time. Whole body pains, cognitive issues, weird mental issues like extreme difficulty making decisions among other things. This has been an ever evolving range of symptoms, with some things sticking around changing in severity and others coming and going. My current symptoms which have been around for quite some time are an extreme lack of motivation and a strong sense of apathy. This is also accompanied by severe anhedonia. Every simple task has become difficult, and I often feel like I am stuck in the mud with the way I interact with the world in my new state. I struggle to work my job in whhich I have been a high performer for many years, and I require a lot of daily assistance from my wife and father. I feel like a burden on those around me, I am no longer the same person and I keep desperately searching and trying to find that person again. I have considered a reinstatement, but do not want to slow down my recovery - but at this point I am getting kind of desperate for some relief. It is hard to say if I have experienced any real windows, but I guess things are changing, even if not for the better, which signals something is going on in my body. I continue to care for my body in every way imaginable from a great diet, sleep, exercise. However I am sure there are other things I could be focusing on to heal more quickly. Open to any and all suggestions or advice. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this.

I need help in tapering 10 mg of Prozac. I have liquid form. I am already experiencing brain zaps, electric shocks down my arms and some burning/body flushing. I reduced my Prozac from 12.5 mg to 10 mg three weeks ago and these symptoms go worse 5 days ago. My physician doesn’t think they are withdrawal symptoms but doesn’t think Prozac is a fit. She wants me to drop to 5 mg. I will only do a 10 percent taper I told her. How should I proceed?

Hi everyone, After many months of reading and gaining some hope and encouragement from the stories here I decided to join your great forum. Sorry, but this is a very long story. Im a 39 year old male from Australia and I have been taking ssri’s for GAD for the last 10 years. I started on Paxil 20mg for around 18 months and was switched to lexapro 10mg due to weight gain, sexual dysfunction and fatigue. Lexapro was a little better but I really didn’t feel like it was doing much apart from keeping the weight up and the motivation down. I am 6’2 and was always skinny, I never could bulk up. Paxil took me from 78kg and healthy to 100kg and always sweaty in around 12 months. I tried a few times to simply stop the meds but had no idea about withdrawal or tapering and always ended up reinstating due to awful side effects (rage, crying spells etc). The drs always said thats just how you are off the meds...... keep taking them for the rest of your life. They also upped my dosage a few times but I quickly went back to 10mg. In 2017 I felt lexapro wasn’t being effective so the dr straight swapped me to Valdoxan for a few weeks and I felt awful. They then straight swapped me to Prozac and around 4 days into taking that I woke in the middle of the night to terrible ringing in my ears. This was my first introduction to tinnitus. I freaked out and asked to be put back on lexapro. I reinstated at 10mg again and everything calmed down after about 7-8 weeks of hell. The tinnitus that was in both ears and the middle of my head reduced to a tiny amount only in my left ear. I now know this was likely my last chance at reinstatement working for me..... more on that soon. So another few years went past and the side effects of weight gain, heat intolerance, sexual dysfunction and the general feeling of “blah” were just too much for me to handle. I began a taper in January of 2019 and went from 10mg to 7.5mg for 4 weeks. I then went to 5mg for 4 weeks and finally 2.5mg for 4 weeks. I felt okay during the taper, my tinnitus was a little bit louder but not enough to bother me, I was more irritable and I had brain zaps. The real “fun” began around 12 weeks after the taper off the medication...... I had a panic attack and fell into one of the episodes that put me on meds in the first place. These were purely anxiety driven and I never felt depressed. I’ve had them since about 13 years of age and I always recovered from them and they lasted from 1 to 3 months usually. They would encompass intrusive thoughts, shakes and shivers, anxiety and panic only. So I decided to jump straight back on the lexapro 10mg thinking all these drs are right and I’m doomed to be on meds for the rest of my life. But something happened that didn’t happen before..... they didn’t work. After a few weeks I felt worse and my ears started to really scream, I had awful insomnia and a really bad eczema rash appeared on my chest and legs. I now know this as a severe reaction to the meds after too fast a taper and too fast of a reinstatement. If I had not jumped straight back on the meds I likely would have had to deal with wd symptoms only and not so many physical ones as well. So after 6 weeks of hell my dr upped my dose to 20mg and I waited another 5 weeks. That didn’t work either, just got worse. My dr referred me to a psychiatrist at this point and things got really bad. He upped my dose to 40mg lexapro, I stuck this out for another 5-6 weeks and it made me no better, actually worse. He then said ssri’s don’t seem to work for you now so let’s try Effexor. We cross tapered that with the lexapro over only a two week period and then all the way to 150mg of Effexor in only 3 weeks. I was desperate and wanted the pain and suffering to just stop. I did consider suicide a lot during this period and I had never been like this before when taking medication. My beautiful partner kept me here with her love and grace. I stuck with the Effexor for 7 weeks and it was just hell, dizziness, insomnia and mini seizure type things were a daily occurrence. I was couch bound and I still had tinnitus screaming away every day. He wanted to up the dose more but by this stage I knew that my body was not accepting any of these meds, I even said to him I think I am having a reaction to these meds. His answer was always that they just make you feel worse before better and that we can keep upping the dose...... That was the last time I saw him, I went back to my GP and asked to try Zoloft in a last ditch attempt to gain some stability and sanity. She cross tapered me to Zoloft and it seemed to calm things down a tiny bit but I was still so, so sick. I made it up to 100mg and was on Zoloft for 3 months before massive amounts of diarrhoea hit me (colitis) plus I was still struggling with SI, tinnitus and now bad depression for the first time in my life. All the fun stuff that comes along with bad reactions to these meds. My Dr CT’d me off the Zoloft and started me on Remeron 30mg..... this one was ok for my sleep issues but made me irritable as hell and didn’t have any effect on the SI, depression and tinnitus. I lasted 6 weeks on it before breaking down again and seeing the Dr. She mentioned Paxil...... like I said, I was desperate and since it worked 10 years ago maybe it would pull me out of this living hell I was in. Since the first episode after WD in June of 2019 and the living hell my life has been, I started Paxil 20mg in April 2020..... this lasted all of 12 weeks and I CT’d the Paxil in July 2020 due to all the above still happening. I happened to come across the SA website in June this year After desperately searching for answers. I’ve read and learnt a lot from everyone and now understand what has happened to me the last 12 months. How I should have tapered waaayyyy slower, how I should have reinstated waaayyy slower and how screwed up our medical system and the makers of these drugs are. I have been med free for 9 weeks and even though I still have loud tinnitus, depression and a host of other Awful symptoms, I have improved more then any time I was on meds. I’m bloody scared of what’s ahead but I will NEVER touch another psych med again in my life. I assume reinstatement is beyond my body now after what it has endured. I hope to be able to vent a little here on my bad days and keep reading the encouraging stories of success whilst pushing on with my life and the healing process. Thanks for taking the time to read my book.... 😂 And thanks to the creators of such a great site.

Hello everyone, I'm urgently seeking advice on my current situation, which is scary, unfortunate, and a complete mess. I'm a 30 year old female who has been on-and-off fluoxetine (20-40 mg) for depression and anxiety over the past 13 years. Due to personal instability, I was constantly moving around and seeing new providers. A cycle began where I would discontinue and within 4-6 months be put back on the drug due to a "recurrent episode." I now believe that these recurrent episodes were in fact withdrawal symptoms. I knew nothing about the long-term effects of the drug, and how these periods of discontinuation and reinstatement were priming me for hypersensitivity. The last time I discontinued the drug (fluoxetine 20mg), I noticed within 2 months that I could no longer tolerate, even at a very small dose, another drug that I had previously tolerated (spironolactone). That was the first sign that something was amiss. 4 months after discontinuing, due to severe distress and anguish, I decided to go back on fluoxetine. I started 10 mg fluoxetine for 12 days. I had some headaches, which was typical for me, but I also noticed some other physical side effects - like dizziness and just "feeling off" - which I thought was odd. I wasn't sure what was causing it, so I ceased the fluoxetine. 2.5 weeks after stopping, the physical side effects abated, and I was back to feeling normal. Then, 3 weeks after stopping, I had a huge emotional breakdown -- screaming, crying, urges to self-harm. I decided that I needed to re-start the drug immediately. I began taking the 10 mg fluoxetine again, and started having intense side effects from it that I had never had before. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was kindling. I figured I would stabilize on that dose, so I continued. While some of my side effects partially stabilized, I was still having issues, when all of a sudden a new side effect emerged at 3.5 weeks -- what appeared to be neurogenic bladder. I went to a doctor and they told me I needed to stop taking fluoxetine. With one skipped dose, the issue immediately resolved. I then went through an absolutely hellish 25 day withdrawal unlike anything I have ever experienced. The headaches and neck pain were so severe, and the insomnia so intense, that out of desperation I tried to re-instate at a low dose - approx. 2.5 mg one day, and 1.25 mg the next. This didn't seem to help, but make things worse, so I stopped. However, I'm now 4 days past the botched re-instatement, and I can tell it has had some improvement. The headaches have stopped, but now I am in almost a hypo-manic, jittery state from the increased dose. I'm at a loss as to what the next step should be, and my current provider is no help. Now that I've come to this website, I've realized all the errors I have made. I believe I have basically kindled twice, and I can tell that I have become extremely hyper-sensitive to the drug. At this point, is my nervous system so shot that I need to just give up on the fluoxetine and try to survive the second withdrawal? The only other option I can think of is to try to stabilize on a lower dose -- try taking 0.1 mg? 0.5 mg? -- but I'm not sure if that's feasible given my sensitivity and fluoxetine's long half-life, which will make the levels fluctuate in my blood for awhile before becoming consistent. I'm very scared, and none of the doctors or psychiatrists I've talked to understand what has happened. I'm honestly afraid that I might have a seizure and not survive this.

Good Day, I'm brand new here. Was on 20 mg Prozac since approx 1991. Cut to 10mgs approx 3 years ago. No noticeable impact. Asked my GP (DO) about dropping it completely in March. He said it was small enough dose to just stop. I did. There have been tears as I seem to be reconnecting with feelings. Not a bad thing. However, across the emotional spectrum I would describe emotions and anxiety as going from a previous '2x' status to an 'x squared' range. Everything is more sensitive. It's been 9 months cold turkey. I almost called GP to restart last month. There have been some unusual triggers, plus the status of world we are living in also adds angst. Many times in the recent weeks I've thought, 'What was I thinking here about coming off of this?' Now reading about tapers I see they are more gradual. However being months out now I definitely dont want to go back. However the struggle is real. Looking for comments, advise, encouragement, general thoughts of helpful nature. God bless you all! Age mid 60s...

Hello, I've been reading this forum since October, and waited patiently to sign up on January 1. I am currently going through the worst time of my life EVER and need advice. My doctor has been no help. I weaned off Effexor, slowly I thought, and might have been able to deal with it, slowly healing my brain. But I lost my job two months after reaching 0mg, and it was a blow I couldn't deal with. I suffer from extreme anxiety, and after agonizing about it, and getting some advice on Reddit from people familiar with this forum, I decided to reinstate Effexor. Started with 2mg (counting beads from one type of Effexor) and now I take 25mg (2 tabs from another brand of Effexor). It hasn't worked. I finally filled a prescription for liquid Prozac which my doctor agreed to give me (she doesn't know how to help me and just asks what I want) and took 5mg last night. But I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm so scared. The thought of having to wean off Effexor slowly while on Prozac is freaking me out. Or maybe Prozac won't work. What should I do??

Hi All, Firstly thanks for the excellent site and taking the time to review my post. History is long, so in the interest of time, 20 yrs on SSRI's (i've tried virtually all but had most luck with prozac and lexapro) with a 4 month bout of Remeron (awful w/d not helped by cross taper) and benzo's on/off for 8 years or so. Benzo: I've successfully switched from .5mg of clonazepam/day to 10mg valium and i'm now at 2mg per day. A bit more about this below. SSRI: Was on 20 mg for celexa for the last several months but completely zombified so decided it's finally time to be done with this sh1t I dropped relatively quickly per docs orders with really no impact down to 5mg celexa completely stopping the celexa and valium on May 1. Started 10 mg prozac only May 1, by May 4 really awful DR with anxiety, inability to focus, sleeplesness, headaches. Reinstated 1-2 mg valium which helped a little bit. Yesterday i tested the waters and dropped the prozac down to 5 mg to see if agitation was from that which resulted in bad anxiety, chills,and shaking. Took the other 5 g prozac and an additional 1mg valium which helped a bit. Today slightly better back at 10mg prozac and 2mg valium in the morning. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow and really don't know what to do and not sure i trust his opinion frankly but do believe he will be fine with what i recommend. I consider these the following my options: 1.) Reinstate celexa at last dose (5mg?), drop prozac entirely after a week or 2, and keep valium, then micro taper off at 10% per 3 weeks or so. 2.) Hold steady on prozac and valium for awhile (how long?) then micro taper 3.) Something else? Any thoughts are much appreciated and i apologize for any incoherence in this post but just got back from work trip and wanted to get this out there for the educated folks to review asap. Many thanks for any input and your time!!! methuselah

Hi, Im 66 yrs old and I just know basic computer so this site is hard for me especially since im severely damaged from too fast a taper and not going slow taper so I know Im doing everything wrong. Please bear with me. I took 20mg Prozac for 26-27 years. Up to this point I was healthy and happy but wanted to get this drug out of my body. I cut the Prozac to 10mg starting Mar 2022 thru Aug 2022. finally stopped Aug 1st2022. During this time horrible insomnia and crazy energy but thought it would go away. Jan 2023 my already severe insomnia got worse averaging 14 hours each week, crazy energy, brain wouldnt shut off cant think, akathesia in body I dont have to pace all the time just some. In Mar 2023 I tried 20mg Prozac for 13 days but it made me more hyper so stopped. I also started getting many UTI's and took lots of antibiotics May 2023 I started getting severe anxiety(never had anxiety before) extreme severe depression, couple months ago started getting night terrors(never had this in my life) extreme suicidal ideation. Cant concentrate to read a book eyes dart back and forth. This is so unbearable day after day. Tiniest bit of stress sets me off. I know all the drugs that I tried were bad for me but I was desperate Ambian 7.5 and doubled dose took maybe 8 times only got 4 hours sleep and made depression worse so stopped. Belsomra 20mg put me to sleep 2 times but didnt work after that and caused depression tryed this about 5 times and stopped. Trazadone 300mg for sleep I got about 6 hours but caused worse depression so I stopped took this about 12 times. Klonopin .5 doubled dose Tried just about every supplement for sleep worked at first but stopped. Im hoping to please get support and looking for people who have taken the drug 25+ yrs and healing. Im fighting for my life

SleepPls009 - Luvox Withdrawal, Insomnia, and Heart Problems (Oh my!) Hi All, It’s great to meet you! Though I wish it were under better circumstances. I’m looking for advice around Luvox reinstatement and doctors who deal with withdrawal; more information is at the bottom of the post. I thank you in advance for your help! I am seven months off of Luvox after having taken it for roughly 20 years. After years of experiencing persistent fatigue, muscle twitches, and some increasing insomnia, I decided to go off Luvox in March to see if that helped my symptoms. Go figure, it made everything ten times worse! I was on 200mg daily in winter ‘21, went down to 100mg without incident at the end of the year. Then in March ‘22 I began tapering little by little until I hit zero on April 12 (note: I was aware that stopping cold turkey was a bad idea, but I was unfamiliar with the concept of protracted withdrawal). Little by little I kept waking up earlier and earlier until I could barely sleep, and depression symptoms kicked in hard. My PCP started me on Prozac in mid-May to treat what she thought was underlying, emergent depression, and after a week I reacted so badly to it that I went to the hospital (couldn’t sleep for days, got a fever, upset stomach, shaking uncontrollably). I proceeded to try a number of different meds with my psychiatrist, but every antidepressant would either keep me awake for days, and every sleep med would lose effectiveness fairly quickly. I eventually got the idea that I might still be withdrawing from Luvox, so we decided to do a med washout to see what would happen. I survived on melatonin at the time, which was abnormally effective at low doses, and kept putting off going back on Luvox, somewhat out of stubbornness, since I felt it would be a “waste” to go back on after all that effort if I could make it to the other end of withdrawal. Eventually (about mid-late August), my brain flipped a switch, and the deep depression spontaneously went away. At the same time, my insomnia problem switched from staying asleep to falling asleep (kind of like what I occasionally had before stopping Luvox but much worse). That’s when medicine reactions became weird. I’d taken ambien before a number of times (roughly 10, 11 in total?) before August. I tended to avoid it because it made the depression a lot worse. I tried it again when the depression went away, and started having strange heart palpitations. One day after I took ambien, I went to the hospital for chest squeezing, but they found nothing. Thinking I was being paranoid, I tried it again a few weeks later and started to have what felt like a full-on heart attack. After working with a cardiologist for a number of months, it seems that ambien was causing vasospasm, or prinzmetal’s angina. A few other meds started causing this, too: Lunesta (I let a doctor convince me it was chemically different enough from ambien - dumb mistake), Quviviq (totally different mechanism than ambien, so confusing), and even melatonin causes odd heart palpitations now. The vasospasm itself seems to cause some sort of injury, because running (which I could do with ease before) brought on an episode, and after episodes I am weak and have chest pain for weeks. I am now at the point where I’m trying to decide what to do next. If my nervous system is still changing, I’m worried that it could further affect my heart or other systems if I let it continue to go unchecked. So this is what I’m wondering: Bottom line: I would love advice on whether I should reinstate Luvox. While I know this is a doctor’s realm, my current psychiatrist doesn’t understand (or acknowledge) protracted withdrawal. I will either need to take evidence and a concrete plan to him, or find a doctor who better understands these issues. As for the arguments for/against reinstating, I am now sleeping better, though not well (I still go about two nights without sleep a week and average 5-6 on a good night). But the crazy/dangerous reactions to meds give me pause. On one hand, I don’t want to cause more problems, and I’m almost worried that taking Luvox now would trigger another vasospasm. But if my nervous system is still rearranging itself I’m also worried that, left alone, it’s bizarre reactions to things could get worse! I would also like to get rid of the visual snow if at all possible. I’d also love recommendations for doctors who deal with or specialize in this sort of withdrawal and nervous system disregulation. I know they are few and far between, but I’m willing to travel pretty much anywhere at this point to get the help I need. Thank you all for your help, and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Hi new here desperately looking for a help. Iv been on and off ssris (never successfully longer than a few weeks) for 18 years. Was recently on Viibryd for several years and doc was to switch me to Prozac using a bridge. As soon as Prozac and started tapering V, I started with all day panic attacks. Thought serotonin syndrome, so after 2 weeks of this stopped both and then the panic attacks got worse accompanied by all typical awful withdrawal symptoms. I was off 10 days total before I gave in an reinstated V at 5 mg. Felt immediate relief. Next day, worse again. A few days later to 10, again immediate relief then worse. Keep repeating until 25 mg. I wake up at 4 am with adrenaline rushes that throws me into a restless panic daily. By evening, I feel like myself. I have to take Lunesta to sleep and take 0.25 mg Ativan at 4 am. The intrusive, SI thoughts are insane during the day. I feel so screwed, had to leave my job. Do I just come off viibryd? Did the reinstatement make things worse? I have no idea what to do and 3 psychs Iv seen say “they’ve never seen this before”. Also hypersensitized to everything including caffiene, alcohol, all herbals legit EVERYTHING. Please any advice I will take.

I was born in 1957 a physician's daughter. I didn't question taking medicines. When my father was dying and my original family was flying apart from the stress, I was prescribed Paxil for anxiety by a psychiatrist. As it has turned out I took Paxil for twelve years until 1/2022. I spoke to my current internal medicine provider who advised me to half my 25mg dose, wait two weeks and take it every other day for two weeks. I was never told of the long term risks of staying on Paxil for so long. My withdrawal difficulties started after I had successfully halved my original dose. Headache, body-aches, gastrointestinal upset, irritability that eventually turned into rage. Luckily I was steered from a friend to someone, a lay person, who understood my symptoms. They suggested switching to liquid and for a year I tapered .5 mg every 14 days. Taking a week off if needed. Fall of this year my body became extremely sick at 5mg and it would not let up no matter what I tried, my taper stopped. I began focusing on nutrition and nothing changed. I was forced to give up all commitments and stay home. During this time I tracked down the original prescribing doctor who had long since moved away. They switched me to liquid Prozac at the same 5mg dose for 5 days. My symptoms immediately improved. This was one month ago. I still have some withdrawal symptoms but nothing like before. To date my body has dropped 30 lbs, 12 lbs in the past 30 days. I'm still focusing on nutrition. My anxiety vs withdrawal is not easy to separate. I don't feel plagued by anxiety but my raging pushed all my family away and I'm in grief about this. I don't know how these relationships can repair themselves. One adult child is no longer speaking to me. I'm sure this has overwhelmed them. My other child I've been able to repair communications with. One complicating factor is that I'm a horsewoman. I fall off occasionally and hit my head. So this weaves in and out throughout this past year. I have GERD, Hypothyroidism, Insomnia, struck by lightning, chronic sensitization to light, sound, smell, migraine sufferer. This past year kidney stones, migrated stint, medical fiasco from a provider clinic. My hope isn't gone, but its worn quite thin. I am isolated and trying to recover. It's clear that it may take months or years.

I was prescribed Prozac for social anxiety in early 2021 and quickly upped the dose to 60mg which I have been prescribed since. I did not fully understand what I was getting myself into and just decided to follow my doctor's advice. I really have no clue on whether it has helped with my issue or not; I never kept track on how it affected my issue over time. I don't like certain ways in how it has affected me and regret blindly agreeing to go on the medication and decided to go cold turkey on November 20th, 2023 which is 45 days ago from this time of writing. I joined this forum to receive advice and knowledge on how much longer I have until I am in the clear from withdrawals and I can move on from this medication for good.

[50, male] Hi. I'm about to embark on a taper of the dreaded Cymbalta, which I have been on for almost 4 months-- 1 month of ramp up plus 3 months at 30mg. I'm quitting because its main effects have been lethargy, apathy, and demotivation. Some anxiety and sleep relief comes with that but it's not worth the zombification. This stuff scares me and I want nothing more to do with it. Starting about 6 weeks ago, my shrink added Wellbutrin 150mg which hasn't made much difference. About 6 years ago I went through this same process with a prior shrink (for the same complaint, anxiety)-- try Prozac, experience apathy/lethargy, add Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrin felt pretty amazing but ultimately was too speedy and I decided to quit everything. I agreed to Wellbutrin once again in hopes of a similar effect but this time no luck. I think the ugliness of Cymbalta just drowns everything else out. Unfortunately I don't recall the exact details of my prior Prozac/Wellbutrin taper but my best guess is that it lasted between 6 months and 1 year (I was aware of this site and the importance of slowness). There were no adverse effects during the taper. So my primary goal this go round is to taper Cymbalta. But I'm torn between wanting to taper safely/slowly vs reducing my overall exposure and getting back to my pre-zombie state as soon as possible. If I were to do 10% at 2 week steps I'd be looking at an 18 month taper from 30mg. This seems too long. Since I've only been on it 3-4 months, I'm hoping I can go a little faster than that. I'm thinking of trying 15% at 1.5 week steps which would take a total of 10 months. Along the way I may or may not pause to taper some piece of the Wellbutrin, depending on how it all goes. My question is whether or not my 10 month taper plan seems reasonable. Thanks for any input. Sonny

Hello all. I'm glad to have found this community. So back in March of 2015, I was forced to go see a psychiatrist after coming out of a mental hospital. I was only in the mental hospital from January to March of 2015. My doctor first put me on 10mg Lexapro and 10mg Olanzapine. Some months later, I complained that the Lexapro wasn't doing anything for my depression, so he switched me to Prozac and lowered the Olanzapine to 5mg. He prescribed both Prozac and Olanzapine for depression and the Olanzapine for what he believes may be schizophreniform disorder, which I'm pretty sure I do not have. I think it's a misdiagnosis. I have not nor have I ever heard voices or had hallucinations or delusions related to schizophrenia. I do have depression though. Fast forward to today, I've tried quitting the Prozac and Olanzapine cold turkey on April 26, and then I had to resume them on May 4 because I suffered bad withdrawals, especially the insomnia which was from discontinuing Olanzapine. So I've now learned the hard way that you cannot quit these meds cold turkey. The reason I want to quit these meds is because I believe they're not doing anything for my depression and I feel like I'm just a slave to these drugs and I'm just taking them to not experience the withdrawals. I believe I don't have schizophreniform disorder, so I don't need to be on Olanzapine. In fact, the only reason I take Olanzapine is just help me go to sleep. And I don't like the Prozac because it dulls my emotions/makes me emotional numb. I don't feel sad, but I don't feel happy either. There are days where the depression comes back and then it's gone, but the depression is still there. The meds are just masking it. Now, I spoke to my psychiatrist on April 26, 2021 and I told him I don't wanna take these meds anymore and I want him to help me taper off. He told me he doesn't recommend I stop taking them because he's afraid I might end up in a mental hospital again. He said if I really wanted to, I could just quit these meds cold turkey. Well, I learned the hard way that you cannot do that because of the withdrawals. So my doctor is of no help and not listening to me. I was trying to search for information on how to stop taking meds like Prozac and Olanzapine. And the posts I've read on Reddit say to just taper off of them and never go cold turkey. But it doesn't really go into great detail of how to taper off the meds or what the process is. And then I found this forum and I found lots of helpful posts and tips. But what I didn't anticipate was that I didn't know tapering off of meds was going to be such a tedious process.

Hi All, Brand new here, and like many I happened upon this site after frantically googling after just over a week of horrendous WD symptoms. Here is my story and history. I had suicidal ideation at 15 and visited a doctor. The doctor took one look at me over his glasses and said, "well you don't look very depressed," but wrote me a script for Seroxat. That was I think the year 2000, and I have been on one SSRI or another (and Mirtazapine to mix it up) since. It was around this time last year (October 2022) my annual low mood took hold and I decided to actually take control of my own mental health. I had been bluffed off by doctors all my life and switched around SSRI's, but almost always ended up back on Citalopram. The diagnosis was anxiety and depression, and some wishy washy half baked, low funded group based therapy (CBT) was offered alongside drugs. For 20 years I towed this line, periods of highs and lows, things sometimes went well but my life always had this backdrop of chaos. Missed bills, final warnings, red letters, court dates, missed speeding fines, so on on. I insisted on further assessments, and had 2 very brief encounters with mental health clinicians, told I had GAD and I make it all worse by drinking/smoking weed, and or both. There maybe some truth to this, but the diabolical and haphazard approach to my mental health care was akin to someone licking their finger and sticking there finger in the air to see which direction the wind was blowing. Self medication is almost guaranteed if people aren't taken seriously. It was finally agreed after a couple more appointments that I probably have undiagnosed ADHD, maybe EUPD from the constant low key trauma but I am not entitled to a "proper" assessment because I smoke weed. My only option was to remove the crutch that in my opinion is keeping me alive and functioning, and once I can piss clear of drugs I can go on a waiting list for assessment. Currently estimated wait time 18 months +. At this point I have decided to disengage with medicine for my mental health care. I am seeking alternative therapy that at this time will require me to travel abroad. I don't want to go into the details. It's "out there" therapy that is making waves in science, and requires my withdrawal from Citalopram. I have tapered from 40mg Citalopram, to 30mg, to 30/20 alternate days, to 20, 20/10 alternate, 10, 10/0 alternate to 0. This was done over a period of about 4 months. We are very limited in the UK and specifically in my NHS area, as licencing does not allow them to prescribe the "branded" version that also comes in a liquid form for slower tapering. They also can't advise me to "break" pills smaller to attempt to taper in smaller increments. The WD symptoms hit me within about 30-48 hours of been on 0. Cold chills, muscle aches, a feeling of rigidity in muscles, brain zaps, heart zaps, cold and flu symptoms the whole shebang. I still don't have access to a psyche so am dealing with a GP. I suggested maybe switching to low dose Fluoxetine after research to take the edge off and the longer half life. She did her own research and agreed, so yesterday after fighting it out a few more days hoping it would pass, I took a 10mg Fluoxetine. 11 days after withdrawal. Today my head is somewhat clearer and the feeling of "G-Force" in my muscles has somewhat gone. I still have really bad tinnitus and brain fog. Brain zaps are still present but much reduced in frequency And that is where I am at... Desperate to get off but those 10 days or so were ROUGH!

Hi everyone, I have been on SSRIs for ~15 years (since I was a child). This summer, I discontinued the medication. I had been feeling very well for several years prior. Upon withdrawal, I experienced severe symptoms including rage, depression, and feelings of horror and agitation. Rage, horror, and agitation were symptoms I had never experienced before, and I thought I had been depressed a few times in the past while on the medication (largely though I went years experiencing no symptoms, yet no doctor suggested I come off the medication), what I experienced upon withdrawal made me realize those prior periods were normal sadness and now I was experiencing true, crippling depression. I will also add this period was coupled with an extremely stressful and traumatic life event occurring; however, I believe my ability to cope with the event was greatly reduced because of the withdrawal; and perhaps my interpretation of the event as extremely stressful and traumatizing was also due to the withdrawal as well. Because of the stressful life event, however, at first I didn't realize what I was experiencing was withdrawal. After all, we are told for years SSRIs are "very safe," "practically harmless," if you need them they will help you, and if you don't need them they at the very least won't hurt you. Before this year, I had always viewed my medication positively, figured it was probably helping me though I couldn't necessarily tell for sure. I had also always placed a lot of trust in doctors. However, months into experiencing severe rage and depression off of the Prozac, all aspects of my life (work, social) suffering, barely functional, and in indescribable emotional agony and pain, I eventually decided to try reinstating the Prozac. Within days of restarting I felt incredibly calm, peaceful, soothed, but in a disconcerting way -- I had spent months being angry about the stressful life event, and all of the sudden I felt almost peaceful apathy about it. Ultimately this didn't sit well with me. Several aspects of the situation directly contradicted things I had been told: Prozac was supposed to take weeks to take effect, but restarting it, I felt better right away. And Prozac was supposed to have mild and self-limiting discontinuation symptoms, yet, unless my symptoms (which again, I had never experienced anything like in my life) were entirely caused by the stressful life event, what I experienced was anything but mild. I began to do research and reading, and my entire perspective on psychiatric medication changed drastically (hence, me being here on this website ) I have my medication and tapering plan under control. I've done a lot of research and I've settled on a plan I feel is best for me. I've joined this website looking for some peer support and to support others. It is abysmal to me the way I have been treated when I describe my experience to my mental health providers. Their interpretation is ALWAYS, "you have chronic depression" and "Prozac doesn't have withdrawal symptoms." The fact that I had severe symptoms coming off of the Prozac is to them evidence that I need to be indefinitely medicated, like (as I've sure we've all heard) how diabetics need their insulin. Nevermind that I had never had those severe symptoms prior to my withdrawal, and nevermind that SSRIs create, rather than fix, an abnormal state in the brain. The fact that I had such a quick response to the Prozac upon reintroduction was again to them a sign of further pathology that could, lucky for me, be fixed with additional medication. Seeking help for my symptoms, I was nearly diagnosed with an additional psychiatric disorder that had *never* been previously floated as a potential diagnosis for me. In all other types of medication or psychoactive substances in general, medical professionals seem to recognize that tolerance effects can occur, and that oppositional effects can occur during extended periods of medication as the body tries to return to homeostasis. For example, opiates. Why do medical professionals think SSRIs would be exempt from this universal phenomenon? Another example, antipsychotics are well known to produce tardive dyskinesia, especially with long-term use. Tardive dyskinesia is recognized because it produces more visible symptoms - involuntary movements. But tardive dysphoria is not well recognized as an effect from long term SSRI use and withdrawal because it involves believing the patients when they relate their inner suffering. And the patients are "crazy", so probably exaggerating or else had the symptom to start with, why else would they have been medicated in the first place? Now that my synapses are no longer bathing in as abnormally high amounts of serotonin, besides the depression, which continues to be severe (and has morphed into depersonalization, derealization, and existential depression about the illusion of free will), I have also noticed changes in my personality. Several people I am close to have said I seem like "a different person". My experience of inhabiting my own mind feels different. I feel more assertive and more alert, but also more angry. I'm not necessarily looking to go back to the person I was "before", I feel like that person might have been overly submissive, but I do want to feel better again. Marc Lewis, who writes about addiction (though more in the context of illegal drugs) has said he hates the term "recovery" but instead says what we should aim for is "development", the idea that we are moving forward, not trying to move backwards or only look at it as regaining what we have lost. On my better days this perspective gives me some hope when I sometimes think I might not be able to undo all of the changes psychiatric medication produced in my brain. I hope to develop by eventually experiencing a reduction of the symptoms that cause me to suffer so intensely, but to ultimately maintain my increased assertiveness and knowledge of my own resilience.

Hey guys, So i was on Sertaline a few years ago it worked perfectly. Then i came off it. Anytime i tried to go back on it, i had an intense reaction where i couldnt sleep and felt extremely agitated and wired. Then this happened again with prozac (Fluoxetine), and then i panicked and went to the hospital and got put on seroquel for 6 weeks. Following this I decided to stop as it was a horrible drug. When i stopped I could no longer sleep. Now, 6 months later I was slowly getting my sleep back little by little. Until 4 days ago. I was feeling ill and decided to try Prozac again to see if my symptoms were a result of withdrawal from these meds. I literally opened the pill and licked a tiny bit (few mgs probably) then i had an extreme reaction to this and the last 3 nights I have slept 1 hour each night. I feel terrible again and I am so angry that I've done this and worried I've gone back to square 1 with my sleep. Prozac has a long half life, will this go when it is out of my body or have i put myself back to the beginning again with this reaction? Today is day 4 since taking and my pupils are still huge, i still feel incredibly wired and awful. Thanks Dylan

Hi. I've been on SSRI meds for a long time. I'm currently tapering from Zoloft. I'm at 26 mg. I'm reducing at 2.5% every 2-4 weeks. My CNS is a mess and I can feel every taper. I'm so tired all the time and have no energy. I'm taking cal-mag citrate, Barleans Omega fish oil, Vitamin D3/K2, and an iron supplement for anemia. Sometimes I take Coq10. I'd like to know what has helped others with the inability to focus and with fatigue.

I have been on antidepressants 3 times in the last 14 years. Usually would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off with no problems. The last time I took them (2011), I needed the maximum dose of sertraline (200mg) to get an effect. After a year on it, I felt it was time to stop. The nurse insisted I had to keep taking or risked relapsing into severe depression. I tried several times to bring up the topic to no avail. After about 1.5 years on it, I cut the dose on my own to 150mg and felt ok for 2 weeks. But after I started having a dull headache that lasted hours, dizziness, serious cognitive difficulties and severe fatigue. I could not function and needed excessive sleep (12-14 hours/day). Tried increasing it again and the more severe symptoms got better, but the headache and flu-like malaise persisted for at least a week. I consulted with a psychiatrist. We tried effexor and cut on zoloft. Had no withdrawal symptoms, as I was cross-tapering. I was completely off the zoloft. Only took Effexor for about a month on a low dose (never past 150 mg) because it never helped with the symptoms of Atypical Depression I had. When I started tapering down the effexor, I got the dizziness and extreme fatigue again. When I would fall asleep, I found it extremely hard to get up. Literally felt pinned to the bed. Woke up more tired than I went to bed, even after 12 hours of sleep. Woke up dizzy and with a headache. I increased dose again and we're doing a slower taper over 21 days. The starting dose is 37.5mg. I experience dull headache that lasts hours, flu-like malaise, muscle tension, fatigue every day (with the occassional good day of no symptoms and the occassional day of much worse symptoms). I have learned to cope the best I can with these symptoms, but the fatigue gets unbearable at times. I sleep 12 hours at night and still feel tired and even drowsy during the day. I'm in grad school and it's hard and often impossible to study or even make it to class. I was supposed to decrease dose to 25 mg after 10 days on 37.5mg, but since I still have symptoms, I'll ask dr if I can postpone the decreasing... Im also concerned that the increasing apathy Ive had over the last 7 years might be due to antidepressant use. It could also be depression, but if it is SSRI use, its a very scary symptom that is not going away (has not gone away for more than 3 months in over 14 years since I started having depression/taking SSRIs). The only reason I can semi-function today is because I take nuvigil (a stimulant) 3 or 4 times/week. Without that, I can't do homework or clean or shower. Im extremely dysfunctional. I don't rely only on the stimulant though. I use it to give me energy and motivation and alertness that I use to do positive things, which improve my mood and further help with apathy.

Hello everyone! I'm writing this because I told myself I also wanted to be of help for those struggling one I made out of the mess psych drigs withdrawal is. While I still struggle with anxiety and some ocd, therapy is currently my only prescription haha along with a few other natural supplements like cbd, magnesium chloride spray, pregnenolone, and a few others. My main objective with this is not to say mental illness is not real and that the meds don't work, because they do sometimes and when we decide to come off them is not like our traumas and mental struggles will disappear. But I hope to say with this that it is possible to overcome ssri withdrawal and start a drug free life along with different coping strategies and a good support system. I was put on sertraline 25 mg along with buspar 10 mgwhen I was 15. I was never very consistent with it, but would experience the effects every time I'd try to come off it. I kept going on and off until 21 when I went cold turkey and my life was almost paralzyed from the withdrawals, I was then put on sertraline 50 mg and aripiprazole. The sertraline game me horrible side effects at first and most of the time i was on it. I believe it was giving me mild serotonin syndrome. I then tried to come off and again withdrawals so I was put on prozac and buspar. Stayed on it until 25. I decided to come off, but did a very small tapper compared to what is needed. The withdrawals were manageable at first, but then they came full force. I was throwing up, head spinning, brain zaps, you name it. I thought it'd never end. that's when I found this group and a few other people hwo have through the same on intagram. The success stories in here gave me so much hope, and that's why I wanted to create mine. Yes, it was horrible. The worse was aroound 6 months, then took 18 months to feel almost close to normal, and now its almost two years, and my nervous system is no where near where it was when I came off the drugs. I'm able to drive, exercise, run, wake up with energy in the morning, go to the store without feeling like my world is spinning, and so much more. For me prayer, supporting my body, and believing I was going to be ok, were huge in my recovery. DUring my worst times where I'd feel hopeless prayer became my strenght and usually something would come that reminded i'd be ok. i also found the work of Dr. Ray peat on serotonin. OS when we come off these drugs our serotonin receptors are all over the place and we actually need to lower them most time. This why I decided to go bakc to the doctors and asked ot be presribed Vistaril, hydroxizine, which is a non addictive, take as needed anciety med. Its simply a potent antihistamine, so there is no withdrawals from it. It realy was of huge help at my very worst to bring some stabiity from the nausea, dizinness and racing heart. I really recommend anyone going through withdrawal to try this if they feel like they can;t simply handle it before going back on the ssri's. I no longer really take it as I now take cbd, but it is usually considered a safe drug free of withdrawals if given at small doses as is simply once again, a potent antihistamine. Apart from that, I worked on bettering my thyroid, nutritional level, and make sure to stay hydrated with mineral water and coconut water to help my nervous system. I also impletened a lot of grounding which is supper healing for the nervous system. AT my worst, I'd simply wake up early in the morning to sit on the grass and take in some sun while sipping on coconut water and listening to worship music. That was very healing for me. But I really encourage anyone here to check out the Walsh protocol and perhaps work with Walsh practiciner as they're expect in treating mental illness naturlaly and healing the many hormonal imbalances and nutritional deficiencies behind long lasting withdrawal symptoms. Please also research mind syndrome and german new medicine so you can learn more how your brain has the ability to keep creating symptoms even after the withdrawl is over and also to learn how the body has immense healing abilities and if taken care of and supported it is very well capable of healing from psych drugs withdrawals. To anyone reading this going through the worse right now, please hang in there, it gets better, it truly does! But makes ure you're getting enough rest, being gentel with yourself, and supporting your body with sunshine, minerals, and plenty of grounding if you also wish. I truly think constant grounding was huge in shortening the duration of my nervous system breakdown. Also find your grounding stone, by that I mean that something that gives you a little hope when it all seems lost. I remember when I was barely even levaing my room, I had a lttile picture with a Bible verse letting me know God was in control. I'd look at it everytime i;d feel panic and repeat myself the words in it. I also hope with this post inspires some to find their support in The Faithful father we have in heaven. As you go through this, I promise you, that you're not alone. I remember reading another srri success story on instagram and how at her worst moment she pleaded with God and a humming bird suddenly appeared on her window. She also beautifully stated how most times when she'd feel low the humming bird would suddenly appear. For me it was an orange butterfly and owl. Many times when life just felt hopeless i'd go to my backyard and boom an orange butterfly would come to my greeting. other times, an owl would literally appear out of nowhere, and my mom also oftentimes saw it, so I wasn;t hallucinating form the withdrawls haha! But I hope this encourgaes you and reminds you that this universe is huge and there is a purpose and a reaosn why you're here. You're loved and cared for, trust that. With a little faith and time you'll be an even stronger and better version than you were before all of this. Oh! I also found @cherellethinks page on instagram very helpful. HSe had her own journeyw ith anxiety, a truly life changing one and also took psych drugs. SHe does one on one coaching and can be of huge help for many in here! @brookesiem is also extremely knowledgeable and has her own encouragng story! SHe also answers dm's and helps answers questions you might have, Last one is @livingrootswellness. Theresa is awsome and also usually answers questions about her withdrawal story. SHe also has an eft tapping group and offers incredible information on improbving withdrawals symptoms! Hang in there my friends! This is truly horrible what you;re experiencing. But with some faith and dedication from our part it gets better! Also, I;m sorry for the many errors. I'll come back soon to fix it. I'm very sleepy but felt liek it was alreay time I wrote my story to hopefully help someone out there. I;m not anit psych drugs by any means, I knwo there were likely of help for me at a time, but I do find there are many alternatives to try before putting somoen on a drug cocktail. ALso, i feel like there is no medical training or experience when it comes to tappering patienst of these drugs. Hopefully, with time this chnages.

I was put on SSRIs when I was 10. Luvox (Fluvoxamine). I never got off them until adulthood. I guess I took it for granted that I needed them. I don't remember anyone ever suggesting that it could be anything but positive or maybe neutral. Really, I don't remember much of what I thought as a child. I grew much worse after that though people could say "that was going to happen anyway", as they do. I have traced a few severe blowups (that had fairly life-altering consequences) to medication changes around that time. My adolescence was the gradual end of any sort of comfort in and control over my own mind. But again, don't these changes sounds similar enough to normal adolescent development that they are very easily dismissed? I couldn't really explain how or why it was any different. That my stress was not of the normal variety. That my mind working worse wasn't simply due to the stress. Even as I made some headway on issues I had, things seemed to get harder. I suspected the level of anxiousness I was feeling wasn't normal. I think my whole system was in a state of hyper arousal. I had intrusive thoughts. Strange patterns of thinking. Positive emotions were blunted. Negative emotions were excruciating. I always felt unsafe because I could sense that my mind and my body had become clumsy and bad at assessing, reacting, defending. I found no pleasure in doing things or accomplishing what little I could. Grew increasingly confused. Increasingly demoralized and demotivated because the good feelings that I felt should have followed from certain pleasures and victories now felt hollow. I have a memory of walking somewhere around my neighborhood around 18 and being horrified that nothing looked real. It was like I was looking at inert paintings. This examples of derealization was just one of many terrifying, confusing experiences I was subjected to throughout my adolescence as the older adults I turned to dismissed and demeaned and blamed me for something they either directly inflicted on me or that was inflicted with their participation and complicity. I was beginning to hope in 2016 because I realized my mental state had begun to improve by leaps and bounds after my emotionally abusive brother moved away and I had less exposure to him. I could still not function though. I was slow to do things. Couldn't figure things out. Had no one who understood. I decided to gamble with coming off my meds. "If anything bad happens I can always just go back on them." I gradually lowered the doses of Wellbutrin and then Prozac over 2-3 months. It felt like nothing really changed. Then 3 months after stopping Prozac, I started to become extremely irritable and angry. Losing it and throwing things. I thought I will go back on. And I think, that was the end. My head felt like it exploded. If I thought I had trouble thinking before, it was nothing compared to what I experienced after taking the next pill. I could not sit still and be calm and think. I turned to my GP who vaguely said I should go back on and would resume to a stable state eventually. So I raised the doses, fighting through an excrucating battle because I believed at the end of the road was some bit of safety. For a year, I tormented myself for not only nothing but with the consequence of leaving myself much worse off. By the time I came off again in 2018, I knew I should be doing a slow taper. But I could not figure out anything complex myself. I could not do anything requiring fine motor skills or thinking. I thought if I didn't do it then, I never would. By July 2018, I had come off them both again. Weaning by weeks at a dose though I knew this wasn't enough. I hoped that I would just have to fight through irritability again. Maybe this time, it wouldn't be so bad since I knew it was coming. In some ways, that was true. But I didn't realize how bad it could get. I didn't realize I wouldn't be able to speak or stand up or walk or that every second would feel like an eternity or that I would never have a moment's peace or pleasure or hope. And I didn't know that after suffering through torment for years, I would be left in a state that feels, if not quite as tormenting, just as hopeless. A life devoid of pleasure or meaning. A life where every pathway to anything better is cut off. My food sensitivities developed at 6 months cessation the 2nd withdrawal (around January 2019). At least that's when they hit that I noticed. They'd probably been in the works for a long time before that. Really, even before I'd come off my meds, I think. I ate very little. The few people who saw me said they worried I would die of starvation. I wish I had. Eating most food made the constant pulsating inside shake me violently. And since 99% of the time I had to be lying down, it was not bearable. They also worsened intrusive thoughts and thought patterns which seemed very much like the beginnings of psychosis. I guessed from something I read here that I'd developed a histamine intolerance and it was a a bit easier to manage. Apples were the only thing that helped but it was only local (from this province) and even they were not a guarantee. Ones that didn't work actually made me worse even that other types of foods. An apple from an otherwise good lot that had its skin broken somewhere (those very tiny nicks you see on some) was a bad one and would make me worse. I always hoped to get good ones but rarely did. Much of the worst of my withdrawal, then and now is inextricably linked to my environment: an impossibly disorderly old house mess spilling everywhere and nowhere sanitary to put anything. This not only exacerbated chemical sensitivities which exploded in withdrawal but made me have daily meltdowns because of what as been diagnosed as 'obsessive compulsive disorder" and hyperarousal. If this was extremely distressing and soul-killing before, now in withdrawal it felt more like perpetual sexual violation. I lay in bed with labored breathing, chest pulsating heavily in a way I can't describe. A hurricane of intrusive thoughts in a brain that felt like it had shrunk to the size of a tiny crawlspace so that these thoughts would ricochet around endlessly. I tried to attempt meditation many times but it didn't help. Why would it? One of the first things you're told to do is find a comfortable space. Somewhere you feel relaxed. You might as well tell someone to practice beginner mediation in a mosh pit. In fact, trying to meditate seemed to agitate mental symptoms and worsen awareness of the physical ones. Perhaps if I was already experienced it would have been different. But I wasn't. By the time, my CNS had calmed down enough to try do anything about it again even slightly disturbing certain things would now trigger dust/mold being raised and would cause unbearable feelings. I can't really properly explain the extent to which every single process has been affected. How little I do. Am able to do. How much I've needed to further shut down my brain to deal with worrying about inevitable problems that crop up. My thinking in a calm, clean environment would probably be pretty screwed up still but if I'd had that, I probably would have been able to function and my withdrawal probably wouldn't have been hellish. One of the most important things in withdrawal is to not overstimulate your CNS. For me, the bombardment never stopped. And there was nothing I could do. Thoughts (and occasional attempts) at explaining and asking for help did little good. I was also terrified (and still am) that I would be put somewhere I might be forced to take more psychiatric medications. I even wonder if I could be coerced into it. My mind feels very loose and easy to knock over. Scared. I think it would possible that I could be bullied and shamed into thinking my entire interpretation of events had been wrong and acquiesce to more meds. Especially if I was in an even more helpless position than I am now. I am constantly tired. I can't plan and organize. I don't have a routine. I can barely make food (making healthy food that requires multiple steps is pretty much out of the question). My brain has a lot of trouble with managing different trains of thoughts and things. When I try, it triggers panic, anxiety and this exacerbates physical sensations which lead to more panic/anixety. I know my clothes often make me feel worse if they bits of dust on them. I don't know if that is because the dust in this old house carries mold spores and whatnot or it's just any dust. I also react to scents from almost anything. I've seen this is apparently called Multiple Chemical Sensitivity disorder which barely seems to be taken any more seriously than PAWS. I want to wash my clothes but the steps to doing that often just levae my brain in knots trying to think of how to position myself, move things without surfaces to put things on, keep them from getting more dust on them. And doing it leaves me exhausted. On many days, I'm too tired to even consider it. When I try to think of doing certain things, it's like my brain is being compressed and pinched and stretched. I can feel it in my face muscles and neck. It's torturous and if I push far enough it doesn't help me to do anything. I just lose it and start screaming. I want to ask for help but I know that any help rendered, I would need to explain or at least come up with some lie. I don't know how to do either. How can I say: it is likely pointless to even ask doctors about this because they deny it? How can I say: I have to decide between being cold or not wearing my coat or sweater today because whatever invisible little bits of grime that got on it make my chest feel clenched and my mind go stiff and inflexible in ways that prevents me from thinking and making decisions? I can't even sit in the living room because mold was released from an AC 2 years ago and I can't tolerate the air. I want to find out which air purifiers to get but my brain reels and shuts down trying to figure it out. Thinking about having to get them together to send them back. Figuring out where to put them. It's not the unpleasantness of the process but the fear that the process will bring everything to a screeching halt and there will be even less hope. My mother has barely held together and took care of me but she is older and been slowly collapsing. When I could finally more-or-less manage on my own (getting my own food, ordering groceries, paying bills) she stopped doing anything. I get her books and her meds and she reads and comes out to go the bathroom and make tv dinners. She had already been having emotional battles with my brother for decades before this and I had become her main source of emotional support. She lost this, faced years more of torment and also heard me say (very directly and unkindly things) terrible things when I had meltdowns. Her movement and life is restricted because I am here. She is worried about doing anything that will harm me. We switched rooms because the air in mind stopped me even from sleeping. The house is falling apart. I don't think there is any good future for either of us. I have thought of doing something to land myself in jail or psychiatric care despite the certain torture of forced meds though but think that likely I would just end up there for a time, be left worse off and then in my weakness and with a further damaged brain come back home and I know she would let me. Then I would be back to square 1 and maybe in a more volatile condition that could actually be dangerous. I have feared I would be violent many times. Both because I have so absorbed the idea that I was a bad person and didn't know what I was or wasn't capable of and because I had no idea what may be possible with the brain damage I have suffered. Suicide would solve that but leave her with terrible grief. She would be able to live at least in some manner though I suppose she might no longer want to. Reaching out to somewhere or other for some kind of help means, to me, an army of condescending, reality-denying people to whom I expose my pain and vulnerabilities after all my strength has already been drained. In all my years of experience, I know mostly people do not help. At least they haven't helped me. Maybe it works better when no one's story veers too off-script from what they know. I have thought sometimes of reinstatement. I've also thought maybe the one (I think it's an SSRI) that is suppose to calm that CNS for some people. Much of what I try to think or do is sort of violently cut down even before the thought emerges. I'm always pulled this way and that. But it goes beyond mental and I feel it in a physical way and there is unbelievable force that I can't describe. Every time I'd try to write this, I would stop because of this. I would not know what I was saying, not know the importance, be concerned with the order, the meaning and interpretation, what I was conveying, etc. Things converge into a traffic crash in my head and half thought and action. I don't have postitive thoughts about recovery. It seems usually it is people who were only on for a few years at most. People who began taking them in adulthood. People whose lives and basic functioning as human beings weren't as completely wrecked for their entire lives. I don't really feel entirely good about posting now. But it's been almost 3 years now. I might as well post something. Thank you for reading. I feel embarrassed and disspirited that I won't probably be able to absorb and implement any advice.

About three years ago, I went to a new psychiatrist, highly recommended by my therapist, to ask him about getting off the venlafaxine and clonazepam I was put on 20 and 15 years ago. When I left I had two new prescriptions: bupropion and lamictal. He thought I was severely depressed. The lamictal was supposed to counteract the effects on adrenaline production of long-term use of venlafaxine. It worked overnight. I enjoyed a few years of relatively good mood. I was also 3 years sober then, and now 6.5 years. Quitting all psychotropics has been on my mind for years. An early experience with Paxil in the 1990s--I took it for maybe a month, tops, but it made me groggy. I became sicker than I'd ever been--flat on my back with vertigo, horrible nightmares, and continuous nausea, as well as the brain stuff. Lucky for me, all this cleared up after about a week. Of course any doctor I spoke to about this had no idea. I am here to learn about weaning, and to find support for making a decision and beginning the baby steps.